/biz/ - Business & Finance

just start a compnay

or buy 10 btc and hodl 5 years

>>14568672
Be a cute busty 16 year old girl

>>14568672
firm handshake and eye contact you fucking moron

its not a meme

>>14568672
Bro trust me its way easier than it seems. Just go to any place that hires teens (aka no standards) and ask for an application. It seems hard at first but it really isnt. If its just some retail shit and they dont want you its probably them not you because they have retardedly low standards

>>14568709
you have to send cv or apply online before you even meet with anyone

>>14568672
You have to know someone to get into anything now a days. I got my job by sheer luck because the boss is an alcoholic and we literally had multiple beers together during the interview.

Companies dont want to spend money training and investing in employees. You are expected to know how to do everything the second you walk in the door.

>>14568672
Get a retail job where they're serious about sales commissions. That will cure your autism and make you employable later

>>14568721
thats hogshit walk onto any jobsite and go talk to the tall white man with the long sleeve button down shirt, thats the boss, tell him youll bust your ass and learn quick

the fuck is wrong with you

>>14568751
This.

>"Not that hard. You just need to buckle up your bootstraps. Go to the company and tell the boss you want to work for him and you arent leaving til he gives you the job. Wait in the waiting room or break room all day if you have too"

Apply to telemarketing, bro. That's what I did when I was still in high school. They'll hire anyone that speaks English and you're in the same week you apply. When you leave you can claim it as sales/customer service experience

>>14568793
this will literally work and if it doesnt just leave when the cops arrive and they wont arrest you

>>14568672
Everyone will tell you BS answers, but don't worry OP I got ya.

Just lie your ass off about previous jobs and memorize your lie very well.

>>14568840
this, also lie


t. engineer with 8th grade education

>>14568672
How old. Got my first at 14 by going around fast good joints asking to talk to mangers and handing in resumes directly. Same with warehouses at 17. After that I called every contractor I could find in the phone book and got a roofing/brick laying gig. Roofed after school until I got an entry level qc job with my Chem engine degree but unironically learned to code and just do data analysis now. Am 24 now, still struggling and with parents but at least I have 30k in liquid assets/no debt and some weird life experience.

Ignore the experience requirements. They basically never represent their actual hiring standards for that position. It also helps to show a lot of interest in the position after you have submitted your application. Especially if you can meet the hiring manager in person and put a face to a name.

>>14568840
and if they decide to hmm, I don't know, call his previous employers?

>>14568849
>>14568840
Agreed. If you succeed employers won't care

>>14568849

>Engineer with 8th grade education

Based and Abagnalepilled

>>14568866
you list your friends phone numbers

for me it was easy, my friends are tradesmen so they just larp as contractors and tell them im one hell of a worker but also follow ups are unlikely

After college I had a few job interviews off craigslist with no call backs. Then by some coincidence I landed an interview at a place named after a neighborhood that I had a lot of family in. After walking into the interview I mentioned it, turns out half the company lives there and they know all my aunts, uncles and cousins. Neddless to say I got the job. It was a shitty job that paid $25k but 4 years later I make $50k at another company. So to be perfectly honest my first job I got was from nepotism, but that was just dumb luck- I wasn't handed the job.

>>14568883
>having friends

>>14568828
And if the cops show up. You go back the next day and do the same thing til they hire you

>>14568672
Apply to many jobs, the first job will always suck, unless you have a good connection or have mommy and daddy find you a good job.

>>14568892
Luck is the multiverse

Its how you sell yourself :)

>>14568963
>interests: anime, manga
for fucks sake

>>14568910
i quite literally have never had an issue getting a job, I fought forest fires, they hire anybody that can pass the physical test, my only job experience was mowing lawns on a horse farm(which by the way I got that job by asking the property owner if he needed work done), I live on the east coast so nobody knows that wildland firefighters are just retarded construction workers so I get the same treatment as soldiers do LOL as soon as I tell anybody I did that shit they offer me pay higher than advertised, now after a few different trades i only did for a few months at a time im an expert liar for all things construction and now guess what im a civil engineer

>>14569005
in fact I was offered a job today to work for the highway dept, $35 an hour, 6 months out of the year, overtime after 8 hours and double time on sunday, ill keep that in my back pocket for a rainy day

>>14569005
How hard is it to fight forest fires? Also what's the physical test?

>>14569105
That's based as fuck

>>14569124
its very hard you absolutely cannot be a bitch, expect to burn 6000 calories per day, similar to that of an olympic athlete

but, do it for a season, then lie and say you did it for 3 or 4 seasons so people think youre dedicated, you wont die just take it day by day until its over bro you are crafting a lie that will get you honored well by anybody

>>14569189
>>14569124
my 14 days on the a forest fire has gotten me 10+ jobs, each job I have learned new things and built upon my lies and at this point im a qualified professional despite never having really dedicated myself to anything, spent more time jerking off and smoking pot than anything.... now im an engineer building a walmart

>>14568672
this. i even have experience and they want even more experience because i have a 4 year gap in my resume.

>>14568672

getting the job is easy, pretending to actually enjoy it so they don't sack you in the first few months is the hard part

>>14569218

>>14569005
based boomer

>>14569228
why not just write that you did whatever you did during those 4 years too, just lie about there being no gap fuck that

>>14569005
*sip*

>>14569105
*ahhhh*

>>14569365
>>14569356
>>14569309
im 24 and never held a job longer than 3 months

>>14568781
This, fucking zoomers...

>>14569458
hate to break it to you boss but boomer is >22

>>14568781
"go apply online"

>>14569458
How do you easily get jobs then?

>>14568672
Unironically you just have to know somebody. My brother got me my first job. Once you've had at least one job it's easy to get another unless you seriously fucked up the first one and got fired.

>>14569531
read the thread dude

literally firm handsake and eye contact is not a meme

>>14569581
you dont have to know somebody you merely have to be a good liar

>24 this year
>never had a job, not even an internship or anything like that
At least I'm studying computer science for free (Europoor), but I'm a schizoid wreck so working with other people seems like a huge obstacle.

>>14568672
Unironically, just tell them what you want. Be straight forward with your intentions and goals lol. Be yourself dawg. People value that, most people applying for jobs are honestly fucking idiots and will do anything for the job besides be honest about what they want and what they expect. It’s really not hard. Just be honest.
>t. System engineer with 0 experience >but a great personality and honesty
I’m getting 65k a year to train for the next 7 months lmao

>>14569627
im antisocial as fuck too every day of my life is awful because i must interact with contractors with 80k trucks and tell them how to do their jobs, I hate it, but guess what, it makes me stronger than I was the previous day

eventually i wont have to be a fraud

>>14568793
I'm in my thirties and was told this for years. Remains bullshit.

>>14569218
Lmao anyone believing this larp is even more retarded than this guy

t. actual engineer who understands that signing off on plans that go wrong is manslaughter at best, murder if commiting fraud like this retard pretends he is

>>14569693
shut up it stresses me out like crazy i didnt realize that when i got myself into this but at this point they rely on me

but also specs for walmart are simple because its almost the same standard every damn project

>>14569693
>implying america ie brazil 2.0 will be in any position to do anything of solve any crimes when the buildings he Oks collapse in 20 years and kill a few consumer units

in what world does being a shelf stacker require crazy experience lol

Be a good goy like me and join the military
Don't tell anyone that you joined because you couldn't find a job though

>>14568963
kek

>>14568672
Boomers are the reason.

There's no upward mobility because boomers didn't save enough money to retire so they're just staying in the work force leaving no one able to get promoted and no new positions opening at the bottom.

>>14569786
Same world where you need 10+ experience with a BS/BA entry level job. It’s not far fetched anon. We live in a society driven by slave labor(sacrifice your time for IOUs and spending those IOUs on consumerist ideas)

>>14568963
>skills: 100+WPM

100+ WPM what? Reading? Writing?

>>14569813
I literally am 24 years old and have been working since age 15. It's not that hard to get remedial work. It's harder to get skilled work, but are you skilled?

Fact: Success is determined by what you're willing to do and all you fags get memed on by /biz/ and it greatly limits what you're willing to do

people make more money shoveling shit than 80% of office jobs

>>14569848
apprenticeships are very easy to get

>>14569863
no they are not. stop lying

>>14568963
I go through hundreds of resumes a week.

I would throw yours out so fast you wouldn't even know what happened. Interests: Anime, imageboards? You realize 4chan is frowned upon right?

And holy fuck putting a COURSE you took at Yale at the top as if you are trying to imply you went to Yale LOL

>>14569849

>>14569656

I unironically love people like you. I'm socially awkward and pretend not to be even though everyone else can see it.

You're the type of person I befriend in visual novels. Keep at it bro!

>>14569905
Be 6ft+ white and muscular and I'll bet my left nut you get any apprenticeship in the country at any given time

>>14568672
Hang in there man. The job hunt process is soul sucking and ego stomping and will make you despair. But keep the WILL up

>>14569927
were all gonna make it

>>14568717
This. This is especially true with fast food jobs. They have ZERO standards, and I mean that. If you have a pulse, you're hired. They are DESPERATE. Turnover is insane. They are having trouble keeping fast food restaurants open because of being understaffed.

Applications may look intimidating with experience requirements, but those are just formalities. Trust me, they do not matter for fast food jobs, i.e., your first job. Doesn't have to be fast food, either. Could be a grocery store position. Bottom position in a warehouse job. Whatever. Doesn't matter. They're desperate. Just keep applying to places.

1. Go to college.
2. Don't be retarded.
3. Get STEM degree.
4. Get job.

Alternatively,

1. Get some basic level certifications in whatever you're good at and start applying to whatever shit pops on Craigslist.

>>14569970
fuck dont do this, stem blows cock
>t. chemical engineer soon to be senior
go apprenticeship, save up money and make a business, I wanna do something with HVAC p badly

>>14568963
just sent this cv im having an interview next monday.
thx lad

basically yr going to have to settle for less

>>14569970
>1. Get some basic level certifications in whatever you're good at and start applying to whatever shit pops on Craigslist.

>>14569991
web dev is comfy. anything front end is nice too

none of you are go-getters

>>14568672

time to get to work anon

>>14569970
idiot. see pic.

>>14569945
everything is easy when youre a tall good looking white dude.

>>14569966
>They're desperate
no they're not dude. i apply to warehouses, fast food, never gotten a call back

>>14568672
let's open and osrs gold farm OP

>>14570104
just kill yourself

I lied out of my ass on my resume to get a restuarant serving job. I only served food for a couple summers in the way past and it was the easiest thing ever. But all the restaurants in my area wanted 3 years experience just to write down orders and throw food on peoples' tables. Lied about my length of previous employment. Puts friends I worked with as former "managers."

Funny thing though is that my restaurant didn't even check up with any of my references. Got hired on the spot. Lying pays

>>14568672

I just read an amazing article about the greatest resume ever submitted

It was well spaced, had no gaos, and the most impressive part is that it came off a recommendation

So yeah if you want a great job just write a resume and have some dipshit give you a recommendation which you would already have by having a good job


Fucking HR monkeys

every "entry level" fucking help desk job requires 2 years of help desk experience

>>14568672
kek pathetic beta male. At 18 I was already making 10k a month with my own online money making schemes. "Stacking shelves" was never an option.

>>14569761
Lol it's not a joke, the records are all there and kept FOREVER and they will come with the ass rape if at anytime in these moron's lifetime anything goes slightly wrong. The signature of an engineer is as serious legal business as anything you can find

>implying this isn't just the dumbest larp if all time

>>14570048
Honestly, once I feel like I’ve learned everything I could learn at my sys. Engineering job, I’m gonna apply to be a cybersec engineer/ sales engineer at google and I hope they ask me some retarded as bull shit question so I can tell them
>you’ve seen my work, and where I come from. I’m not gonna take the time to do your tests. My experience, attitude and aptitude speaks for itselF. If you’re going to hire me then hire me. Otherwise I’m out of here.

>>14568781
Fuck off tradeboomer, shit doesn't work like that stop fucking larping

>>14568672
Go to your local McDicks or movie theatre or other shit-tier job and just fucking apply. If you can't get a job there just fucking kill yourself

>>14570383
Mr anon this is the walmart reimbursement police please come with us we are arresting you for substandard buildings that killed 200 people of colour that have your signature, and as a white male you will no longer be allowed to own crypto currency under the current regulations your wealth will be liquidated and redistributed under the 2022 ~#376 gibsmedat act passed by the first national unity congress of the first united against racism congress, please do not resist of you will be docked additional citizen points

>>14568672
As you can see from all these millennials posting, zoom-zooms have no chance lieing about their skills. We got good at lieing to boomers. Zoom zooms are past that meta, and need a new one. You're young, so any lie you have will be necessarily vapid anyway. What will you lie about, "I fixed my grandma's computer once and she paid me for it?" You prolly *did.* Jeeze.

You will not get a "job" unless you're lucky.

HOWEVER.

Zoom zooms have all the money. A few invested in bitcoin, or have brothers who did. Zoomers have the market for new businesses. Go to CoFounder's, Craigslist, Upwork, Reddit, find someone looking to bring on a partner. Show enthusiasm and an IQ greater than 130. Shill your fucking ass off taking boomer money for the startup. Reinvest in LINK, LIT, and a handful of shitcoins. HODL.

If your IQ is low, do the same but in the service. Join the Navy so you can play D&D all day, get free food, and avoid the temptation to swing-trade. Invest 80% of your earnings in crypto. Do this on a 4 year contract, twice. Do not buy a car. Do not buy a house. Just come home to base, fuck some bitches, and go back to your D&D-boat.

>>14568672
ok I'll tell you faggots how to get a good job, no larp.

#1. Learn a specific skill that is useful. Example, video editing, programming, digital marketing, design, math, French, whatever.... Make sure it's specific and that you're good at it. No general STEM/social degree bullshit. You need specific useful skills that a business might actually need without having to train you at all. It might take 6 months or a year of pure practicing on your own and researching online to be useful enough to a business.

#2. Join facebook/reddit/meetup.com/linkedin/etc groups related to that skill. Participate in online threads. If you see people who seem interesting / useful / in your area, add them as friends and talk to them privately. Mingle, make friends.

#3. Go to real life meet ups (meetup.com) and conventions/events related to that skill. Mingle, make friends. Get people's contact info (email/phone/facebook/etc).

#4. Rince repeat step #2 or #3 until you meet a biz owner that needs your skill and is willing to give you a shot, or someone who knows a biz owner that needs your skill.

If the type of skill you have cannot be done online/remote, focus on #3 more than on #2, but do not underestimate the power of #2, industries are smaller than you think, usually everyone has common friends everywhere and all relationships are useful.

>>14569822
wanks per month

>>14570827
also one thing I forgot, be willing to work for free to build up your experience. You will probably will have to work a few hundred hours for free for a few different people. Then you'll have to work a few hundred hours for cheap. Then you should have enough experience to easily get a good paying job and keep getting better and better jobs each year.

>>14570827
>Mingle, make friends.
how do you do that?

>>14571352
Be yourself

>>14570407
Fastest interview ever. Have fun spending the rest of the evening on linkedin.

>>14571352
Making friends with random people is hard, even impossible in most cases, but making friends with people in your industry is easy, because you have a lot in common and you both have the same goal: thrive in that industry. There should be endless things to talk about since you're both in the same industry and there should be instant mutual understanding since you share the same fundamental goals.

You don't need to be an extravert or do anything crazy. You can meet people online. And at meetups and conventions usually people will start talking to you first and once they realize you are in the industry and you're a useful skilled person, you'll naturally be valuable to them as a contact and they will be nice to you.

>>14568672
>Working

middle managers are lazy cunts that list "please have experience" because they don't want to have to train you

just apply for those jobs anyway even if you don't have experience and if they're desperate enough they'll interview you

>>14568963

I looked so hard to find this, thank you

>>14568672
You don't have to work a conventional job OP. You can brainstorm an innovative way to generate income with very little resources. I've seen it happen before so I know it's possible.

>>14572590
o_o