/biz/ - Business & Finance

>>16880492
So don’t drink any, just get whatever you want. Beer is nasty

only beer, if you get something else they will think you are a faggot

>>16880572
>>16880606
Yeah but what do I say, one beer please?

>>16880492
its not hard bro, just ask for what you want. make sure you tip the bartender on each drink. if your a rookie drinker, whiskey coke is also a easy choice or just stick to beer. just dont get to drunk.

>>16880492
bartender here. if you really don't want to drink then don't drink. get a diet coke or something. if you want something to sip on and pretend you're drinking get a coors light bottle. nobody will be able to tell how much you've had if it's in a bottle. take pretend drinks out of it and don't actually get any into your mouth. on the flip side if they're working class hardasses they've most likely been on or know someone who's been on probation for a dui so they might not question too hard if you aren't drinking just say you don't feel like it

>>16880606
Just tell them you want a bud light

>>16880617
depends on our country, is there more than one beer available? i always order a pils beer

>>16880492
Get a cement mixer & sip it

>>16880492
“what beers do you have on tap?”
>hurr durr x y z brewing co
“which one’s your favorite?”
>onions granary IPA
“i’ll take one”
sip it incredibly slowly until your friends are too drunk to notice that you arent drinking very much. take this opportunity to slunk back into your hidey hole

reminds me of my first time at a bar, inside of a loud busy club
>what'll you have?
>uhh.. umm. what have you got??
She was literally standing in front of the most elaborate display of alcohol I've ever seen, and just shook her head. I ended up asking for a bud light because that was the only beer I knew of.

>>16880492
I just walk up to a group of women at the bar and say "Ladies you are looking good tonight!" Then tell the bartender that I'll have what they are having. Women love alphas like me

>>16880492
If you have to, wait patiently at the bar. Don't take anything out except for ID. When they come up to you remember that they don't really give a fuck about anything around them and just want you to say "Hi there, can I get a Coors light?", at which point they'll say "Sure thing, can I see your ID?" Hand them the ID. They'll hand it back. Keep your wallet open, their next question will be "Do you want to start a tab or pay now?". Say "I'll pay now and hand them either a $10 bill or your credit card. Leave a $1 tip either way. They will hand you a beer and you walk back to your table. If its a girl, be sure not to look at her tits. This is important. Look up at the mirror if you get embarrassed, not down.

>>16880492
Just get a margarita or something if you don't like beer. It's the Lamborghini of cocktails IMO.

>>16880492
>wut order
Black Russian. You'll look pro af after sinking a half-dozen of those, none of this 'Bud Lite' garbage

>>16880720
Lol

>>16880492
>Hello yes I will have one of a beer please
>What kind?
>The beer kind

>>16880770
I'm stealing this line fren, gonna be swimming in pussy

>>16880617
On the rocks

>>16880492
Their hardasses huh?
Hm

I am very familiar with this type.
First think you do when you walk in yes yell “Bartender! Get the FUCK over here you little bitch?? Hmm? Where the FUCK are my Mikes Hard Lemonades?”

>Look back at your boys and wink

“Mikes hard on me all night”

The amount of respect you’ll command will be insane. If you can make sure your boss comes out too.

Good luck bud!

>>16880492
Just for a dry martini, shaken not stirred

>>16880492
Ask for a glass of Malort, neat.

>>16880617
Ask for a Porter. If they don't have a Porter ask for a Stout. If they ask you what kind just ask for the House Porter

>>16880492
Here is a set of instructions
>Ask the bartender "what do you have on tap"
>Listen for options in his answer
>Note a single option you want, usually it's safe to go with Budweiser, Miller, Coors since they are normie-proof
>When he finishes listing out things say "I'll have a pint of" and then add whatever you happen to choose
>if you chose a beer that people find weird and point out is weird just say "I'm feeling adventurous, let's have fun"

>>16880796
>Black Russian.
this one or a white russian, it's the same but tastier and lighter (with cream added), if you're not used to drink.

>>16880492
If you feel like you have to drink, buy a draft shit beer like pabst, bud light, etc.

Or ask for a warm glass of milk, desu

cosmo

>>16880492
Don’t do it. It’s not made for you, anon. You have a bigger purpose. If you engage in this NPC initiation seance, then you will doom yourself to a life of mediocrity and degeneracy.
DON’T BE LIKE THE COMMONERS

>>16880870
Whoever wrote this is a normie and doesn’t even know it.

>>16880492
>How do I order? What do I ask for? I don’t even like alcohol.

> To your coworker: I don't drink nor do I get out much, what should a novice get?

Be honest and they'll take from there.

>>16880492
Only fags and women get mixed drinks. Just order a draft beer.

You walk up to the bar, position yourself to have at least 20 inches of space on both sides. Your footing is of crucial importance here anon remember, there has to be at least 40 inches of space between your feet. You take a very deep breath, and start singing the murican anthem as loud as you can. You salute with your right hand, take out your dick with your left and begin to pee on the bar, to assert dominance. Works like a charm every time.

>>16881309
>Be honest and they'll take from there
course they will

>>16881309
I’ve already lied to seem like a normalfag

>>16880492
Be sure to not order an IPA like this faggot said >>16880714
It's hipster swill and you will not like it as someone who hasn't forced themselves to drink it to fit in until you acquired a taste for it.

>>16881283
It's good enough for a NEET, you mentally ill negativist.

Seriously just order a bud light. It is the most autism proof option available. If they say bottle or draft, say bottle because they could have different size drafts leading to one more question.
Actually just say bottle of bud light, there you go. Might be worth going to the gas station and trying one just so you know what to expect taste wise.

>>16880492
This is how you do it

>>16880492
Order a fucking Budweiser or Coors who cares?

>>16881283
That's the whole point

>>16880667
This but on the rocks

You yell at the bartender "VODGHWJGGWHJGWH REKJFSDJG KIJB DLLLL" and I pour you whatever is most convenient and then you drink it like the pussy simp you are.
>t. former bartender

>>16880492
Wave your bank notes around high in air and yell “I need 2 Glasses of your cheapest tap” I assume you’re a skinny manlet, so avoid eye contact with anyone who seems too intoxicated. Make sure to tip the bar tender.

But honestly light beer. Coors light, Miller light. Are probable 2 better tasting. Bud light kinda sucks imo. Or just get whiskey and cokes always an easy drink to get fucked up on and good taste

>>16880895
You never order a white russian because you can't trust the milk in a bar.

>>16880492
Scotch on the rocks? It's a nice drink, served literally everywhere no matter how cheap or expensive the place is and won't make you want to take a piss every 10-15 minutes like beer does.

>>16880492
get a rum and coke if they ask if Pepsi is OK? tell them NO

>>16880617
have you not seen an alcohol advertisement in your life

the jews have obviously failed in this arena

Just get any light beer, they all taste the same (ass)

>>16880720
Autism - the post

>>16880492
>entire family are loser alcoholics
>already struggle with food addiction, know I will become an alcoholic if I start to drink
>all normans and girls ever want to do is drink
I want to die.

>>16880492

When I go to the bar and want to not drink I'll have a soda water with a lime. But they usually put it in a water cup. Ask for a glass if you want to look like you're drinking liquor. Otherwise have a bud/Coors lite, It's easy to drink.

>>16880492
Just order a white wine spritzer and make sure you ask for extra cherrys and an umbrella anon. If the barmaids a qt ask for it stirred and not shaken.

>>16881653
Don’t drink anon. It’s not worth it. I would trade anything to have never started. Good luck.

The Alcoomer.

In his 30s
Still gets drunk every night
Makes his own beer

>>16880572
Don't listen to this anon, order a wheat ale and stay away from faggotry like IPA or trash like Budweiser

>>16881440
top kek

>>16880720
this was literally my 1st experience as well, bud light and all

Whiskey old fashioned sweet
Das good

Just like on TV:

"One beer please"

>>16881713
Sad

Wait for one of them to order, watch what they do. Following their lead order a "Captain and Coke, tall glass", it's one of the most normal drinks there are, tastes mostly like coke. You could get it with a lime wedge or splash of grenadine (cherry syrup) in it. Also super normal.

can't go wrong with a white russian

Bartender here. Order anything, literally anything, order a water, i dont care. Just dont be an obnoxious piece of garbage

Anon, listen to me. Ask for a bottle of dom perignon or cristal. You will 100% get pussy that night even if you’re gay.

Honestly man, tell them the truth. Tell them you’ve never been to a bar, but that you’re excited to go. They’ll be pumped to take you, and probably feed you drinks

>>16881958
If you are worried about looking like a fag, just order a beer, or a rum and coke. But dont get too comfy with those guys because after a few years of being a bartender I can tell you there is nothing more pathetic than the mid 30s brainlet retard blue-collar scum that come out to the bar and blow absurd amounts of money on shitty drinks and barfood. Alcoholics and bar-regulars are absolutely the most sad people you will ever deal with. I consider alcohol to be satanic now

>>16880770
This sadly works because females are stupid attention whore creatures

>>16880492
Ask for a buttery navel but then tell the bartender you like them extra buttery and give him a little wink.

>>16880781
My eyes my rules I'll look at boobies if I wantz

>>16881957
cringe, dont do that. im a bartender and cinge when some kid orders a white russian.

>>16880617
>one beer please

>>16881958
>pours a beer
>That would be $7 + tip
fuck off

>>16880617
Ask what they have on draft and then just choose at random

>>16880623
Lmao found the beta cuck, tipping is for incels.

>>16882100
this guy gets it

>>16880492
>milk!
>slaps counter
>chocolate!

What do you do to get a bartender's attention at a busy bar?
A friend in college told me to just point at the bartender until they notice and it worked for me for a while. Apparently though it pisses bartenders off and one threatened to kick me out
I also don't feel comfortable yelling at them

>>16882186
You just have to take up space at the table and look at them.. they’re busy and will get to you when they can.

Stoli on the rocks AND a Corona.

>>16882015
Based

>>16882186
>>16882272
>trying to figure out how to get the attention of a crybaby bartender who's "so busy", just so you can pay him 5x the price to get poison that destroys your internal organs

>>16882100
ugay ID.

I order a gin and tonic everywhere, it's by far my favorite. I get a lot of negative reactions though because I guess it's a boomer drink

>>16880617
Make sure you tip. Go ahead if you don't want to just be comfortable with her thinking you're an asshole. I made that mistake my first time and it made it awkward

To the bartenders in this thread, what are some interesting non alcoholic drinks to get?

>>16882119
are you jewish?

>>16882619
Buckler is pretty good
not a bartender so idk

>>16880838
This you ask for “one beer on the rocks please”

>>16883651
>I'll have one beer and water, sir. On the rocks, please.

>>16881863
True. I hate how society promotes alcohol so much as it is very toxic. And how me, as a non drinker, are socially ostracized all the time. It is very taboo not to drink.

>>16880492
Little else makes normies seethe more than being a non-drinker. Alcohol is poison, and is normally used as a form of self medication

>>16881930
Grenadine is not cherry syrup you pleb.

>>16881350
Give up on that. You're frequenting this shithole, accept you're not normal.

Don't go, fren.
They're trying to make you a normie.

>>16883651
This. beer on the rocks is the most common and in my opinion the best

>>16880492
U tk him 2 da bar?

>>16883651
>>16883889
Don't forget to ask for it shaken.

>>16880617
You squint your eyes and say: biiru ip pon kudasai

In the words of Wyclef Jean, just walk up to the bartender and say:

Tequila with worm, lemon, salt, and no rocks
'cause when it hits my chest it gots to be hot

>>16880617
You need to order it by brand. Just order whatever's cheap and on tap, like a pint of Budweiser, for the least possibility of a screwup. You can broaden your horizons later but for now that's fine. If you're driving home don't have more than a couple of beers and try to make each one last an hour or so depending on how fast everyone else is drinking. Better yet would be if you can go home first and get a cab, but you should still not drink more than anyone else. Keep pace at first and then stay one behind when they're too drunk to notice. If you're slightly less fucked up than everyone else there will be less opportunity to screw up and compromise your job.

>>16880492
ASK FOR A BARREL OF SPERM BECAUSE YOU ARE A CUM GUZZLING FAGGOT

>>16884091
Ahhh yes this too I’m more of a stirred man myself tho

>>16880492
demoralization thread created by CA/SB. Sage.

Protip: order a gin and soda. Then go to the bathroom and on the way find the server and tell them you changed your mind, you need to drive later so just make it club soda with.lime. Then the rest of the night just order "another one". Not only will everyone think you can hold your booze, but you will be well hydrated with no risk of hangover.

>>16881705
Plebs who say shit like this are like plebs who say "waaah waah 4chan is bad! This board is and addiction! I wish I never came here!"
Which, unless you're a clinical alcoholic, is really just you whining about your lifestyle choices

>>16880870
Also, OP, this is a quite perfect tutorial

Imo beer sucks though and mixed drinks are really the way to go, best if you can find a cheap liquor like whiskey or vodka to always get
But that might be too complicated for now
I recommend looking up your different types of alcoholic brews beforehand, this will help you find out "what is vodka, what is whiskey, what is gin, what is wine, what are schnapps, etc"

My first drink ever was a Screwdriver, that's about how ever much you want of vodka and the rest orange juice
Ultimate practical mixed drink imo since the alcohol makes you drunk and the orange juice keeps you from getting sleepy

>>16880492
Just order a beer. Heineken or Sam Adams, something like that. Simple, but better than Bud/Miller Light and your coworkers won’t think you’re a cheapskate or a total newb.

>>16880492
Just say “Gimme a double shot of Jack with a PBR back”

>>16880617
Veliku tocenu

>>16880492

Walk to bar

Open mouth so words come out

>>16882793
imagine giving somebody EXTRA MONEY for literally HANDING YOU A FUCKING BOTTLE

>>16882460
nailed it

>>16880492

just order a corona. "hi, a corona please". thats it. its a beer for people who dont like beer. just dont get nervous and down one after another to avoid talking by drinking. youll make an ass of yourself.

>t. your friendly neighborhood fren

>>16883903
kek

>>16880492
Alcohol is incel

>>16880492
OP don't listen to any of these retards. I never heard about anyone tipping at a bar. Are you American? If not don't tip and don't pay a cent more than it says on the menu. Also these beers they are suggesting really suck. Definitely don't get IPA, ask for what lagers they have (pronounced larr-gurr). Your co-workers probably don't care what you get, and who cares what they think anyway? <- This is the reason you are a recluse btw.

I'd recommend Tiger, Kronenbourg, Stella Artois, San Miguel, Tsingtao. Budweiser is just okay, idk why you would order a light though. Depends what country you are in as well for the selection. You'll be fine, and if you don't like it then just remember what you got and next time order something different, you can also search what beers are popular in your country or state or whatever.

>>16880492
just let them gentle bully you, if they like you it will be really gentle

>>16885233
only niggers don't tip at american bars.

>>16880623
dont fucking tip anon, save that cash for injecting linkies into your bloodstream

>>16880617
Two-hearted. Tall please thank you

>>16880572
a glass of coke.
you go to the bar.
>state beverage container
>state your drink

>>16882015
THIS fuck drunks

>>16880781
I ALWAYS STARE AT THE BOBS

>>16882015
go to the bars for socialising. alcohol is just a plus. wtf wagie.