[ 3 / biz / cgl / ck / diy / fa / ic / jp / lit / sci / vr / vt ] [ index / top / reports ] [ become a patron ] [ status ]
2023-11: Warosu is now out of extended maintenance.

/biz/ - Business & Finance

View post   
File: 24 KB, 263x268, 1583162196614.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
18357134 No.18357134 [Reply] [Original]

>This economic data looks grim, I think to myself.
>This is the right move.
>I look to the cracked screen of my iPhone 5s. A single 6/19 SPY 200p.
>I take a deep breath, and swipe up to submit the order.
>I suddenly black out.

>I come to in a gray room, fluorescent lights humming above.
>I'm upright in a metal chair, restrained, with my arms and legs zip-tied.
>The only feature in the room is what I assume to be a Bloomberg Terminal in front of me (I've never seen one in real life).
>A dizzying array of charts, numbers and symbols light up its dozen monitors.
>In the center, the S&P 500. 2700.
>Out of its bear market.

>I hear several sets of heavy footsteps approaching behind me.
>I try to look, but can't move much.
>I sense several burly men standing over my shoulders.
>To my surprise, Jerome Powell steps in front of me.
>I try to speak up but he cuts me off.
>"What am I-"

>"Why did you short the domestic market?" he asks.
>"Huh?" I respond, confused.
>"Why did you short the domestic market?" he demands, louder this time.
>"I, uh... the coronavirus is a global pandemic. It's going to cause-"
>WHAM!

>One of the thugs behind me slams my head with something heavy.
>It's a bundle of $100 bills.
>They're still warm from the printing press, and the fresh smell of ink fills my nose.
>It must be a million or more.

>"It's priced in," he says coolly.
> "So why did you short the domestic market?"

>Dizzy from the blow, I notice the screen behind the Chairman.
>The S&P has climbed back to 2850.
>Impossible, I think to myself.
>"Be-be-because unemployment is approaching 20 percent!"
>I manage to answer.
>WHAM!

>> No.18357149
File: 84 KB, 573x430, 1583247767384.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
18357149

>>18357134
>Another blow strikes me.
>This time, a heavy bag filled with paper.
>It explodes on impact, raining bond certificates like confetti all over the small room.
>I catch a glimpse of some as they float to the ground.
>Investment grade bonds from Ford.
>Loans to cruise ship companies.
>Loans to a taco truck.

>"Repeat after me: stocks only go up," Powell demands.

>I say nothing.
>On the terminal behind him, the S&P has climbed well over 3000.
>An involuntary guh escapes my mouth as it falls agape.

>Powell frowns and continues, "I'll ask you one more time: why did you short the domestic market?"

>I feel like I'm going to pass out again, but with all the strength I can muster I shout
>"GDP declines are going to dwarf the Great Depression! The outbreak is far from over! Stimulating demand won't work if there's no supply! Social unrest is a real possibility! We're in uncharted ter-"
>the hardest slam yet hits the back of my skull.
>It's a massive stack of printer paper.
>It falls to the floor with a thud.
>Some sort of Excel spreadsheet is on it.
>It's the Fed's balance sheet.
>It must be tens of thousands of pages long.
>I can't even count how many digits are in their asset balance.

>"Stocks only go up," Powell repeats.
>Behind him, the chart shows the S&P has continued its rise at a blistering pace.
>It leaves 3300 in the dust, making new all time highs.

>The first two blows to my head left me feeling woozy.
>The third one, though, brought sudden clarity. Tears well up in my eyes, but they are not tears of sadness as my puts become worthless - oh no.
>They are tears of joy.
>Suddenly, I see it.
>Suddenly, the truth rings out as clearly as if a chorus of angels has descended from Heaven to sing it into my ears.
>How could I have been so wrong all these years?
>In this moment, I am enlightened.
>The pieces fall into place.

"Stonks only go up," I say.

>> No.18357166
File: 279 KB, 640x750, 1585166176601.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
18357166

JPOW will pump stonks as green as my ID

>> No.18357169

>>18357134
lol
nice text i give you that. quit gambling and just BUY shit, everything will be fine. No more Bogdanoffs either.

>> No.18357268

>>18357134
kek

>> No.18357352
File: 69 KB, 1024x1023, 1540171344959.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
18357352

>>18357134
>>18357149
Best content I've seen in years.

>> No.18357358

>>18357134
worth it.

>> No.18357473

Actually good OC content good job OP

>> No.18357507

>>18357134
This is great

>> No.18357528 [DELETED] 

>>18357134
>>18357149
BEAUTIFUL

>> No.18357550

Fake
This didn't happen
No one would be dumb enough to short against the Fed

>> No.18357567

This is from Reddit

>> No.18357575
File: 175 KB, 400x268, 1375382756432.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
18357575

>>18357134
>>18357149

nice Orwell posting

>> No.18357626

Gay reddit

>> No.18357641

>>18357134
Fucking based and orwellpilled

>> No.18357707

>effortposting on /biz/
ngmi

>> No.18357727

>>18357134
Take this "gay bear" shit back to r/wallstreetbets you fucking faggot.

>> No.18357861
File: 93 KB, 238x238, 1585576719663.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
18357861

I don't even have anything invested, I just want to see the colapse to see you all go AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, can't convert me.

>> No.18357910
File: 1.08 MB, 434x246, hehehe.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
18357910

>>18357134
>One of the thugs behind me slams my head with something heavy.
>It's a bundle of $100 bills.

>> No.18357925
File: 354 KB, 480x261, clap.gif [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
18357925

>>18357134
>>18357149

>> No.18358027

I'm converted if I don't lose everything I'll never gamble again. I promise. It's so cold. Stonks only go up.

>> No.18358064
File: 107 KB, 500x335, there-are-4-lights.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
18358064

>> No.18358089

Based and bullpilled!

>> No.18358217
File: 32 KB, 650x488, picardtakingprisoners.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
18358217

>>18358064
>FUCK YOU YOU CANNOT CREATE A HEALTHY ECONOMY JUST BY CREATING CREDIT WILLY NILLY

>> No.18358243
File: 25 KB, 384x383, 1sfav1.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
18358243

>/biz/ reposting content from Reddit
>WSB reposting wojak memes from 4chan
Is this really what we've come to?

>> No.18358256

>guh
>stonks

Back to plebbit

>> No.18358345
File: 79 KB, 614x768, 2fat.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
18358345

lol didnt read lmao
sniff sniff BRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPP

>> No.18358373

>>18357134
based and RP

>> No.18358426

way too long didnt read

>> No.18358431
File: 174 KB, 428x510, 1382900720032.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
18358431

>>18358064

>> No.18358510

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfFbcbGaTMY

Filthy lucrative nothing new! While we all got cash from chaos!
The time is right to do it now

>> No.18358615
File: 158 KB, 491x512, 1585511158013.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
18358615

>>18357149
>but then, right after my conversion to bullcuckery
>a giant red dildo fell from the sky
>turning every single human being into a pink screaming creature
>and now, from the squalor of my financial failure
>i still ask to myself
>"why i FOMOed?"

>> No.18358662

>>18358510
Why don't play that at the super bowl half time show?

>> No.18358911
File: 32 KB, 608x338, A7DE0603-4F38-4EE6-9138-50499E8249E8.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
18358911

>”It’s over Bobo!”

>> No.18359010
File: 59 KB, 1024x768, 1515922620659.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
18359010

>>18357149
>>18357134

Bravo, truly a piece of art

>> No.18359033
File: 32 KB, 499x418, 1592481701541.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
18359033

>>18357134
>>18357149
kino post anon

>> No.18359041

>>18358911
THE BULLS DREW FIRST BLOOD

>> No.18359151

>>18357707
Kek'd

>> No.18359367
File: 56 KB, 597x519, 1563060170389.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
18359367

>>18358345
H-how many linkies for a brapper like that

>> No.18359393

>>18357777
Op is a fag

>> No.18359471

We’re gonna see this on Wall Street bets in a few minutes and Twitter will claim this pasta

>> No.18359758

>>18359471
it was actually stolen off wsb pleb look if you

>> No.18359882
File: 292 KB, 1108x1704, stocks_only_go_up.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
18359882

>>18357134
>>18357149

>> No.18359989

Just remember ... we are 4 chan, we are smarter. At least we have been

>> No.18360383

>>18357166
then they will fall
check my red ID

>> No.18360453

>>18357134

Fucking wsb is the worst thing that ever happened to this board

>> No.18360454

>>18358243
the true flippening has occurred

>> No.18360527

>>18359393
>>18357777
BASED

>> No.18360563
File: 1 KB, 50x18, REDid.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
18360563

>>18360383
>check my red ID

>> No.18360675

>>18358243
WSB == /biz/
same lingo, same memes, same retards losing money

>> No.18360711

>>18359041
NOTHING IS OVER!! You asked me, I didn't ask you! And I did what I had to do to win, but Jerome wouldn't let us win! And I come back to the world, and I see all those Feds at the treasury, protestin' me, spittin', callin' me "bobo", and all kinds of vile crap! Who are they to protest me, huh?! Who are they, unless they been me and been there, and know what the Hell they're yellin' about?!

>> No.18360996

>>18357149
This writes like the last pages of 1984. You know he died in the end, right?

>> No.18361033

>>18360996
no he didn't.

>> No.18361053
File: 597 KB, 890x434, 1585789438188.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
18361053

>>18360563

Haven't you learned by now? /biz/ saying it's gonna be red is almost 99.9% of the time a buy signal

>> No.18361285
File: 38 KB, 337x325, 6155E7F2-6123-44B8-9C4A-4CB243D029C7.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
18361285

>>18360711
>Feds at the treasury, protestin' me, spittin', callin' me "bobo"

>> No.18361498

>>18361285
No bobo, we are not the federal banks, promise

>> No.18361556

>>18361053
https://youtu.be/KV5QlSgq7lg

>> No.18361597

>>18361033
For some weird reason I also thought he haven't died. Then I re-read the ending and I was wrong.

>> No.18361610

>>18361597
hasn't*

>> No.18361721
File: 1.62 MB, 1106x1080, snifffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff.webm [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
18361721

>>18358345
>>18359367

>> No.18361870

>>18361597
his body is still alive, although you could say that he experienced something close to ego-death. getting shot is just a pleasant daydream.

>> No.18361959
File: 50 KB, 640x480, sniff 19.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
18361959

guys i shorted 7200 my stop is at 7500 fuckkkkkkk have some sniff

>> No.18361977
File: 1.50 MB, 900x900, sniff 10.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
18361977

>> No.18361993
File: 204 KB, 1080x1350, sniff 12.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
18361993

>> No.18362022
File: 2.01 MB, 640x800, sniff bike 2.webm [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
18362022

>> No.18362050
File: 85 KB, 768x768, got thots.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
18362050

>> No.18362232

>>18361721
How do I short the human race?

>> No.18362254
File: 56 KB, 568x750, 1531327231474.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
18362254

>>18362050
those are men

>> No.18362274

>>18362232
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YIqbdnaPcT8

>> No.18362277

>>18362232
Save your wealth in fiat currency.

>> No.18362305

>>18362232
buy RTX

>> No.18362337

>>18357149
>stocks only go up
This is how they’re going to rationalize what happened in 2020 to future generations

>> No.18363273

>>18362254
That’s a man.

>> No.18364830 [DELETED] 
File: 377 KB, 1600x1805, Bear conversion therapy.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
18364830

>> No.18364870
File: 33 KB, 460x460, 7714365.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
18364870

IM GONNA HOLD MY $60 SDOW BAGS OVER THE 3 DAY WEEKEND AND YOU CANT STOP ME MOTHERFUCKER