/biz/ - Business & Finance

[Anonymous No.18446974]

>daily stand up meeting

[Anonymous No.18447029]

>>18446974
>daily standup
>biweekly project sync
>biweekly team meeting
>weekly department sync
>weekly team huddle
>monthly all-hands

[Anonymous No.18447044]

>>18446974
What did you do yesterday?
What will you do today?
Do you have any blockers?

[Anonymous No.18447047]

>>18446974
at 7am

[Anonymous No.18447057]

My team has a team meeting every MWF for literally no reason. All the announcements and updates usually only pertain to like 5 people.

[Anonymous No.18447069]

>okay, can i move this card to completed or will you move it yourself?

[Anonymous No.18447107]

>>18447029
>>18447044
>>18447047
>>18447057
>>18447069
>Let's circle back to that item later, it seems out of scope
>I added Bill's team to the weekly meeting, I'm hoping to leverage some synergy between groups if we focus on our core competencies
>We can touch base during tomorrow's standup, give you some time to get the lay of the land
>I want to highlight our value add and show that this is a win-win
>I'm feeling out of the loop here, when was the last time Frank ran the numbers?
>Brandon is going to do a deep dive into the data and perform a drill down into our key customer segments
>This initiative is really going to move the needle on our top KPI's
>We can already make this a game changer by taking care of some low hanging fruit
>Let's take that offline, ping me when you know you'll be available
>We're not trying to boil the ocean here, our north star hasn't changed

[Anonymous No.18447118]

>>18447044
"Work on blah blah blah."
"Continue working on blah blah blah."
"No."
*sip*
...times 40 years.

[Anonymous No.18447306]

>>18447107
lmao

[Anonymous No.18447381]

>>18447107
>bottom this out going forwards
>let's start this on our next sprint

[Anonymous No.18447406]

>>18446974
>hey we need you on call for this weekend think you got it

[Anonymous No.18447420]

>let's have a short call afterwards and clarify
>good point, we can bring it up in the retro

[Anonymous No.18447441]

>7am standup so the Indian contractors can join

[Anonymous No.18447442]

>let's push this in the backlog for now

[Anonymous No.18447451]

>>18447442
>Is in in the ACs? If not, just add a review bug and see if we can manage to extend the scope before release date

[Anonymous No.18447468]

>>18447044
>>18447107

[Anonymous No.18447545]

>>18446974
>be me
>live on GMT
>work on GMT+1
>wake up at 7h
>change jabber status to on call
>go back to sleep
>wake up at 8h
>jerk off
>have daily stand up in bed at 8h15
>"I really have something that I need all my focus to finish today, gonna be tough but I think I got it"
>finish daily stand up
>change jabber status to "Do not disturb"
>sleep another 45mins
>team leader took the time to call me to say he's impressed by my productivity while everybody else seems to be losing their shit during quarantine

[Anonymous No.18447582]

Dave, do you think you could parallel park those reports and be sure they re-sync with our jumpstart goals?

[Anonymous No.18447584]

>>18447545
too real

[Anonymous No.18447599]

>>18447582

[Anonymous No.18447676]

>>18447582
>>18447599
do people really speak like this?

[Anonymous No.18447688]

>>18447545
do you think your employer has keystroke and click counters?

i was watching something on yahoo finance today about kids being shifted to online learning and the CEO of the company said they can monitor inactivity through these key and click loggers

[Anonymous No.18447700]

>>18447676
Yes

[Anonymous No.18447744]

>>18447688
they can have it, idgaf. The work I'm assigned to do gets done. Either way, what are they gonna do? Fire me with European labor laws, and find a replacement for a highly specific position in the middle of a pandemic? They need me a lot more than I need them.

[Anonymous No.18447747]

>>18447700
good lord I better find a way to work on my own

[Anonymous No.18447755]

>Wagie wagie get in your cagie
>time is money goy

[Anonymous No.18447760]

Go ahead, stand up, Jack.

[Anonymous No.18447771]

>>18447747
If you can't work on your own try getting into a smaller business/shop. You'll avoid a lot of the corporate cancer, but it tends to cross the whole tech industry to some degree. Some are worse than others.

[Anonymous No.18447819]

I'm lucky in that my boss allows us to come in late and go home early if we're light on work,or work from home if we need. It keeps energy and morale up so if he needs us weekends/evenings to do actual work we're happy to. It's just working intelligently.

[Anonymous No.18447839]

>>18446974
>time for stand up.
Alright here goes:
How many Arabs does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two. One to hold up the lightbulb and the other one to say "you dumb fuck, we don't have any electricity!"

[Anonymous No.18447868]

>>18447839

[Anonymous No.18447883]

Does anyone have that Webm where it was just a conference call? I forgot what happened all I know is that it was funny as fuck

[Anonymous No.18447945]

>>18446974
Reading other anons comments, this is clearly a fucking pandemic. Every day I run a start up meeting that if I had my way would be 2 minutes max, instead it's a 30 minute production. That's the start of my day. Then I leave that meeting and jump on a conference call with a few other teams that I sit through daily, and have never seen have any need from a single one. Then, 3 hours later, you guessed it, a team sync meeting. This is literally the only daily meeting I'd have as it is actually prudent, and it's because it's me running my operation and not wearing the corporate hat, it's a 15 minute touch base with my leaders to get me up to speed on where they are at for the day and to bring any problems to my attention. Throw in bar minimum 2 random conference calls or meetings every day, and I barely do any actual work.

[Anonymous No.18447985]

>>18447545
lmao

[Anonymous No.18447990]

>>18447945
women can't function unless you speak in abstract and emotion

[Anonymous No.18448003]

>>18447676
Unfortunately yes. Terms like "bandwidth" make me cringe so hard.

[Anonymous No.18448015]

>>18447945
lmao my scrum master actually sent us an email with a poster that went something like
>tired of working?
>feel like not being so productive?
>enjoy hearing your own voice?
>try: MEETINGS
>Meetings: the modern day practical alternative to working

[Anonymous No.18448042]

>>18448003
it's to make their non jobs seem substantial
what it comes down to is communicating with colouring company a to the clientele about what shade they want or something dumb like that.

[Anonymous No.18448064]

>>18447107
>imagine voluntarily working in IT
haha holy shit

[Anonymous No.18448068]

>>18447990
It's sad but we're 80%+ white men
>>18448015
That's fantastic. I'm new to this world, only been in my position for 7 or 8 months. I took a step down from a managerial position with a small company where I attended a single meeting once a year, to a massive publicly traded company. I feel like it's all just window dressing.

[Anonymous No.18448103]

>>18448068
it is in no small part window dressing. I feel like everyone is pretending in one way or another. But that's part of the game. Tbh I used to work in a company where it was all tech geeks and 0 meetings and it got to a point that the level of lack of organisation made things unbearable for everyone

[Anonymous No.18448181]

>work at home now
>beginning of day scrum and end of day scrum
>"this is due today you have any questions?"
>"nope" -nope
>do this for 3 weeks
>get an email saying I had not completed something
>"how the hell did I not complete this if its clearly done? why do we have these scrums and it was never brought up?"
>"oh I wasn't in those calls" -him
>"its clear as day" -me
>show evidence

fuck

[Anonymous No.18448271]

You guys dont have departmental AND team stand ups AND stand downs?

I call them 4chan interruption breaks.

[Anonymous No.18448315]

I'm assuming you're all Americans since Euros don't fuck around with office ping pong events.

[Anonymous No.18448330]

>people are supposed to work in IT
>the slightest bit of any technical issue
>or simply just experimenting with the user interface in the most obvious of ways
>"I'M STUCK! HELP! IT WON'T WORK! WHERE IS THIS DOCUMENTED?"

[Anonymous No.18448383]

>>18448315
My boss tried to introduce daily standup meetings for a group of 5 engineers and we just stopped doing them after a month because it actually hindered productivity.

[Anonymous No.18448416]

>>18448383
Give me a short rundown on how such a daily standup meeting goes, please.

[Anonymous No.18448420]

>>18447107
>Another day in paradise

[Anonymous No.18448432]

>>18448416
See these:
>>18447044
>>18447107

[Anonymous No.18448445]

I just keep an excel sheet of short and long term shit my team needs to build for the normies on the project. I ask when they think it can get done. They give me a date. I hold them to that date. Maybe check on them at the half way mark but that’s it. They know what’s required and get it done. If there’s bugs we work em out p quick and deploy. I don’t get these daily check in things other managers do. Just don’t hire retards lol.

[Anonymous No.18448462]

Mine isn’t that bad. Just recite some shit and move on around the room. Nothing is scrutinized, it’s basically just a time to ask questions

[Anonymous No.18448479]

>>18448445
Do you manage any females? If so how often do you "touch base" them?

[Anonymous No.18448486]

>>18448103
Well but that's the thing, with my time at the small company of a decade, there was none of that, everyone just did their fucking jobs. I never met a single HR rep in my 10 years there, I deal with HR every single day now.

[Anonymous No.18448497]

>>18448479

[Anonymous No.18448502]

>>18448416
We met at a board where everyone was supposed to talk about what they were doing that day, to share information and work out a schedule. The idea was fine, but we all worked in the same office anyway, so on top of already having access to everyones schedule we could just talk with each other from desk to desk. It was really pointless.

[Anonymous No.18448520]

>>18448502
you can't flip the boss off and get to work?
you'd think he'd appreciate it?

[Anonymous No.18448558]

>>18446974

9:30
Short written summary to post on Slack beforehand

One word: What's your feeling of the day?
What are you grateful for?
What will you focus on today?

[Anonymous No.18448604]

I know it may seem bad but just be glad you guys don't work in sales. I worked at a company where we had to do morning chants and do weekly sales/motivational training.

[Anonymous No.18448811]

>>18448604
I work in tech recruitment

I sell people jobs and i sell companies people

Happy people sell so I get the morale boosting exercises

[Anonymous No.18448814]

>>18448502
>"we are like a family here"

[Anonymous No.18449547]

>>18447883
http://conferencecall.biz/

[Anonymous No.18449619]

>>18448558
>One word: What's your feeling of the day? euphoric
>What are you grateful for?my job
>What will you focus on today?good posture

[Anonymous No.18449665]

>>18447107

posting this should be a ban-able offense

[Anonymous No.18449700]

I actually used to enjoy having a coffee and talking with my braindead co-workers on the company dime...

[Anonymous No.18449714]

>>18447107
fucking painful

[Anonymous No.18449723]

>>18448604
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOkQJm_UGM4

[Anonymous No.18449731]

>>18446974
what was it about cool ranch?

[Anonymous No.18449772]

>>18448604
I work in Sales. We don't do this shit at all. Daily standup and weekly review+ meetings, but no chanting or motivational speeches. Is this a US thing?

[Anonymous No.18449819]

>>18449772
In the US you are forced to spill your most kept secrets and cry in a big emotional and dramatic fashion in office bingo parties or live in poverty.

[Anonymous No.18449829]

>>18447029
bro are u me

[Anonymous No.18449836]

>>18449819
>office bingo parties
i had to do this remotely 2 weeks ago

[Anonymous No.18449867]

>>18449836

[Anonymous No.18450641]

>>18447406
>on call
please no, not the vietnam flashbacks, no

[Anonymous No.18450815]

>>18448003
>leverage

[Anonymous No.18450822]

>>18447107
Delete this

[Anonymous No.18450906]

>>18447582
>>18447599
Oh my god I want to die.

>>18447676
Yes. That picture isn't even exaggerating.

[Anonymous No.18450996]

>>18447676
Yes. Wanna be program and product managers at tech companies who never got into programming because it was fun or interesting. They either majored in CS or some completely unrelated field just to be exposed to tech, but actually don’t give a fuck about it. They suck at their jobs and make it worse for the people having to implement their ideas (which let’s be honest — were probably hidden on some internal wiki for years because they couldn’t be implemented due to technical infrastructure shortcomings).

I’ve been building websites since the late ‘90s. Tech is a corporate try hard industry. I hate it now.

[Anonymous No.18451002]

>>18448383
I had a manager do this to me and scheduled hourly meetings every day to discuss what I was doing. Sometimes we had 4 meetings in one day with different teams. I talked to the boss and the manager got fucking pissed at me, but I was spending too much time in meetings than working.

[Anonymous No.18451100]

>>18447107

[Anonymous No.18451119]

>>18447406

[Anonymous No.18451159]

>>18447107
fuck you my guy
delete this

[Anonymous No.18451386]

>>18447107
Since my dad, brother, and I are stuck at home all day, I get to listen in on my dad's work calls.

>he's the one splurging all of these slogans and lingo

[Anonymous No.18451436]

>>18446974
FUCK YOU MIKE WHY WOULD YOU MAKE THE STANDUP AT 8AM THE ONLY POSITIVE THING ABOUT THIS QUARANTINE IS GETTING TO SLEEP IN YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE. STOP QUESTIONING EVERY SINGLE ASININE DETAIL OF THE PROJECT YOU FUCKING BUSINESS MAJOR AUTIST YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT AND ALL YOU DO IS WASTE EVERYONE ELSE'S TIME WITH YOUR ENDLESS MEETINGS AND FOR FUCKS SAKE IF YOU WANT TO MAKE THE USER STORIES YOURSELF AT LEAST MAKE THEM HALFWAY USEABLE AND STOP GETTING MAD AT ME FOR FIXING YOUR DUMBASS MISTAKES, fuck.

[Anonymous No.18451551]

>>18448811
>morale boosting
A non small percentage of the population would agree with me that those exercises have the opposite effect

[Anonymous No.18451563]

>>18451436

same dude, same, we just made our own board and started making our own tickets that mike can't see, kek

[Anonymous No.18451731]

And what the fuck is a standup, exactly? How is it different from any other kind of meeting? Fuck

[Anonymous No.18451909]

>>18451731
The idea is that everyone is standing up during it to encourage people to want it to end and keep things moving briskly.

Obviously doesn't really pan out that way.

[Anonymous No.18452142]

>>18448604
American or Japanese detected