/biz/ - Business & Finance

[Anonymous No.24154942]

I saw Sergey Nazarov while visiting Auschwitz yesterday. Every time the tour guide started to talk about the camp he would interrupt by yawning really loudly and shout "Boring! Get to the good parts!" - I don't think he was even tired. When we got to the gas chamber he screamed "Fake, there were no gas chambers! The Soviets built this after the war" and then started mimicking a Jew suffocating on Zyklon B.

After the tour he walked straight up to me and said "they deserved it anyway", and praised the Nazis for their "decentralized" camp system, but they could have used an oracle to "improve the process." He then stood on a podium and informed everyone that Jews were "vermin" and that he had made it his mission to destroy the "Judeo-Bolshevic World Order."

Later that day the staff found pictures of the Chainlink logo stapled everywhere.

Even later they realized he stole most of shoes and striped pyjamas left by the gassing victims from the display. CCTV caught him walking around Salesforce HQ in the pyjamas pretending to be a ghost.

I can't believe anyone would buy a coin made by this guy.

[Anonymous No.24154999]

>>24154942

Thanks, just bought 700k

Fuck jews

[Anonymous No.24155038]

Sergey has a habit of organizing fast food refuse by order of age in what he calls the "Think Centre" (his office). The room is stacked high with Big Mac boxes and tendie wrappers. He spends 8 to 10 hours a day methodically arranging and systemizing the garbage before jumbling it up and spreading it around the HQ, mumbling under his breath about "oracles" and "on-chain infrastructure". No one dares to disturb him during his routine. Adelyn doesn't like it because it attracts ants and bees. When she mentions it to Sergey he tells her that she doesn't understand his "process" as she lack "philisophical perspipercacity". Her comments drive Sergey into uncontrollable rage and he throws empty milkshake cups and big mac sauce at her. Adelyn has accepted this is part of the learning curve, and even though she is not sure that perspipercacity is word does her best to translate Sergey's genius into and marketing material that regular people can understand. Unfortunately her keyboard gets sticky with the milkshake and sauce which is why anything she publishes is littered with basic spelling and grammatical errors. Sergey regularly strips nude, puts a happy meal carton on his head as a crown and bellows "PARTNERSHIP WITH FACEBOOK, PARTNERSHIP WITH APPLE PARTNERSHIP WITH NASA " at Adelyn until she tweets something to appease him. No progress has been made in the past six month. Whenever this is brought up Steve just says "lot of big macs you can buy with 32 million" and winks.

[Anonymous No.24155114]

I saw Sergey Nazarov at a grocery store in Los Angeles yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.

He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”

I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in his hands without paying.

The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.

When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.

[Anonymous No.24155146]

>In October 2001, Sergey Nazarov met with the families of 9/11 victims. After a brief interview in which he expressed his condolences and hope for closure, he reportedly burst out laughing and made airplane noises and mimicked two planes crashing. He then picked up the child of a deceased victim and whispered into her ear "Your dad's dead, bitch", and proceeded to put on a pair of sunglasses and unleash a barrage of martial arts attack on the small child. She was rushed to the hospital where she was pronounced dead due to extreme trauma. When asked later about the incident, Nazarov became visibly sexually aroused and repeated the same attack on the reporter.

Wow, people really buy coins from this guy?

[Anonymous No.24155200]

>>24154942

[Anonymous No.24155213]

[Anonymous No.24155259]

I was at the fireside chat this week. At one point Tom called Sergey a sandwich fucker. He even accused Sergey of eating the sandwiches after busting loads into them. There was an intense bit of silence while Sergey glared. Beads of sweat formed on his forehead immediately, and his face was flush. He forced a chuckle into the microphone. Then he walked off stage and just out of the room where there was a magazine rack. He was still in full view of everyone through a window. He starts taking these magazines, two and three at a time, and just tearing them to shreds. Sometimes he would pick one up, and try to twist and tear the whole thing at once, but fail, so then he would start ripping out individual pages. He was facing away from everyone, so we couldn't see his facial expressions. This went on for two minutes at least. At this point I thought he was totally screwed, and that he had just ruined the reputation of chainlink in one fell swoop. However, he turned around and walked back into the room. He looked completely rejuvinated and full of vigor again. He proceeded to completely btfo Tom in every way, acting as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Afterwards, he even did a little q&a session after Tom left due to being frustrated from the btfo. Janitorial services were picking up the mess of shredded magazines at this point, and the only acknowledgement Sergey ever made to the mess was when one of the older janitors fell over while leaning to pick up the pieces. He sort of covered his hand with his mouth, clearly holding back laughter. It was bizarre, but with genius comes inevitable personality quirks.

[Anonymous No.24155323]

"KIKE NIGGER JEWS AGAIN!" Sergey roared stomping into his office decorated to look suspiciously like the Cayman Islands.
"What's the problem this time?" inquired Adelyn looking up from her wet dictionary with a jaded glance.
Rory and Thomas stood over in the corner by the coffee machine. Rory shrugged his shoulders, Thomas rolled his eyes and mouthed "not again" to Rory. Rory, not wanting to get involved in yet another morning 'incident', thought of his wife's son and all they had built together.
"Well..." Sergey began before staring into space for a solid 42 seconds. The others had grown accustomed to this inevitable delay and waited patiently.
"The media, in all their wisdom, cannot see the value of smart contracts; but flippantly share BLM bullcrap". “It’s like a torrent of shit published minute by minute hour by hour!” Rory and Thomas kept their poker faces while Adelyn blew a big bubble of blue HubbaBubba, seemingly immune to the rhetoric, possibly because she was an Asian woman on loan from the Chinese state department.
"And, what's worst," Sergey continued jumping up and down, his fat violently oozing, his chubby arms flailing wide around, "that Microsoft dude is coming today and I'm just not in the mood to talk about "how much I care about BLM"” Sergey fingered the air overemphasizing the quotes and the problem.
"Aww just focus on your oracles sweetie" said Adelyn cooing, "that's what he's come for. Try and stay focused!"
"yeah focused and 1keoy" thought Sergey. Out loud he said with a wink "You're right my little spelling bee, everyone come over here for a group huddle"
Rory and Thomas looked over at each other and sighed in unison and Adelyn complied with a ‘white people walking past you grimace’ expression on her face.
Each put their hands into the center, "One Two Three, We Just Win" they shouted together smiling the Smart Contract mandated smile.

[Anonymous No.24155376]

> and now we're happy to present Sergey Nazarov!
> Sergey waddles onto stage
> Fundamentally ummm decentralized!
> Sergey does his best Nixon impersonation
> I wanted to thank everyone fundamentally for being part of our little project
> But ummm
> He turns away to hide a malicious grin
> I had better let our special guest handle this...
> Suddenly Adelyn comes out on stage in a clown suit with a banner that says tokens not required
> That's right folk we've sold our tokens and now have figured out a better way that doesn't use 'em
> At Sergey's cue the whole team appear on stage with cream pies and begin throwing them at the audience as Sergey makes his escape

[Anonymous No.24155441]

I was at eth denver the other day and I went to the bathroom to take a dump. Midway through this guy starts talking to me about smart contracts from the next stall. At first I didn't respond because I thought he was on the phone but then he knocked on my stall and repeated the question. I said "umm not really" but he just kept talking about psd2 and sibos and iso20022. I said okay thanks for the information (trying to be polite). Then he asked if I wanted a t-shirt and pushed it under the stall. I said umm no thanks but he kept insisting. When I tried to flush and got up to leave he was pounding at the door yelling something about big macs and 1k eoy. I couldn't leave and had to call the police before I could leave the stall. After the police dragged this official member of the Chainlink team away I opened the stall door and saw feces spread all over the door. There were massive hand and foot prints of shit everywhere. About a dozen shitty chainlink shirts were on the ground and I had to step over them to leave. Wtf guys is this normal for chainlink?

[Anonymous No.24155477]

I saw Sergey Nazarov at Burning Man last week. He was wearing his blue lucky T-shirt unbuttoned, a pair of butterfly wings, and literally nothing else. I was taken aback at the size of the guy (seriously hung), but anyways I introduced myself and said I was a big fan of his work and was interested to know what he was doing out here. He took a while to respond, I think he was stoned or coming off some acid or something but then he giggled “I am here for alternative networking. I just got kicked out of the google tent so I am exploring the possibilities of decentralizing my presence on the playa.” He was obviously out here to have a good time but then I thought back to my link stack, which I had to sell half of to buy my ticket to the burn and got a little ticked off. I asked aren’t you supposed to be working? Isn’t main net supposedly right around the corner? And he said “supposedly, main net is made of cheese” and that was the final straw and in my mind I decided to go back to camp, get on binance on my iphone and dump my link. I politely wished him a good burn and went to leave as he mumbled something about checking out the “orgy tent” which was “permissionless.” What did he mean by this?

[Anonymous No.24155481]

[Anonymous No.24155515]

After Adelyn failed the spelling bee she was disowned by her family for committing a grave Chinese sin. Her father told her that he no longer had a daughter and the entire family turned their back on her. Distraught with nowhere to turn she headed back to campus her place of shame. It began raining then, silver streaks that hid her tears as she struggled to stay warm.
Sergey found her there at the library clutching a wet dictionary just trying to keep warm while memorizing the words. Sergey spoke to her in soft words that warmed her heart. Although Adelyn didn't know Sergey very well. He didn't look like a scammer; he just looked like a thin nerd that meant no harm.
Sergey saved her that day and brought her to a place where spelling doesn't matter. A place where people do as they please without worrying about knowing anything about the problems of the world.
And that place, frens, is ChainlInk, a new land of opportunity where problems that really don't exist are being solved. Adelyn says Sergey is a modern day Wittgenstein and orcales are his problem. Adelyn is not sure what an oracle is or why it's needed or even if it's needed but she still keeps that same dictionary on her bookshelf to remind her of that faithful first encounter with Sergey. The dictionary is faded and torn and really isn't much help but it still brings her warmth and that's what's most important.

[Anonymous No.24155562]

It is fucking astounding just how much retarded and convoluted Sergey pasta there is. What's more is that Linkies did it when it was $0.40 and there were two team members,

[Anonymous No.24155607]

Jason Parser told me in slack that coffee is the best price for the links. Sergey has spent a lot of money sending adelyn to ninja academy to learn how to sneak cups of coffee into meetings with high level execs. This happens do much now that meeting locations are sprung on Seeger at the very last minute. Serger emphasizes the coffee standard constantly during high level talks by repeating tethered to coffee and coffee standard over and over again until execs have no choice but to agree. Notice the smart con line up has only coffee drinkers and no tea drinkers? You should be thanking tiger mommy

[Anonymous No.24155670]

Here is a little piece of advice, the next time you're gonna unload your jealousy and inadequacies online, just make sure you don't pick Sergey Nazarov, the SON of the Papa Nazarov crypto empire. I've bought people like you. I've destroyed people like you. It's nothing for me to call up my FATHER and have every Linkmarine in the nation with a photo of YOU right above their monitor, thinking about YOU. My personal army... of LINK marines. They'll dump on you. They'll lay you out. They'll swing you around in the air just like in the old movies HAH...then they'll destroy you. Piece by piece. Piece by piece. Piece by piece. They'll destroy you. That's option 1. Option 2 is you can apologize to me. Just say you're sorry. Takes a big man to apologize, don't it? Takes a big man to apologize huh, humble yourself before a god? A CRYTPO GOD?

[Anonymous No.24155683]

This fucking thread kek, the absolute autism of linkies.

[Anonymous No.24155700]

Coffee standard is Sergey's gift to the world. Swift were looking for a quick pump and dump to sell their bags but Sergey is always five or even six steps ahead. During meetings with swift executives Sergey often has to speak for a predetermined amount of time regardless of the material he is giving over. When he runs out of time he repeatedly says coffee standard over and over again. Adelyn has suggested hiring lackies to nod whenever Sergey mentions coffee standard. So now there are four people in the meeting Sergey pays to be yes men (only one is a woman and one is a diversity hire). Swift executives are not sure what to make of this but word around the water cooler is they're liking the general feelings of positivity that coffee standard brings to each meeting

[Anonymous No.24155707]

Im a Muslim man but I have to admit that pregnant Sergey really turns me on. I keep fantasizing about putting my seed inside him and watching new life grow... We get married, he gives birth, and we raise that baby under the blessings of Allah. I want to hold hands with Sergey, and looking into his eyes say 'I love you.' I think of myself taking our son to his first day at school, watching that strong and masculine boy develop amazing computer skills like his dad.

Sergey would be the ideal partner for any man wishing to start a family. His great genes give him a combination of assertiveness, strength, and intelligence. If Sergey is able to get pregnant, he has to have a uterus; if he has a uterus, he can only be a woman in the eyes of Allah. ALLAHU AKHBAR!!!

Ok, I can't hide this anymore. It's coming from deep inside of me... this desire to shout...

I'M A GAY MUSLIM AND I HOLD CHAINLINK! Yes, and I am not the only one. I was attracted to this community because of the feeling of brotherhood that it creates. Together we are one. We are above gender divisions and categories. Chainlink, as you know, is a gay sex position where men stick their dicks into each other's asses to form a link.

Today, I declare Chainlink to be the currency of the LGBT community.

I'M GAY AND I HOLD CHAINLINK. YES! I'M GAY AND I LOVE SERGEY! WOW! I'M GAY AND YOU ARE TOO! TOGETHER, WE ARE GAY LINKIES AND NOTHING CAN STOP US!

I'M GAY! AND I LOVE TO SAY IT! I'M GAY, I'M GAY, I'M GAY AND I WORSHIP SERGEY! CHAINLIK! CHAINLIK! CHAINLIK!

NO MORE CHAINS, JUST LINKS!
NO MORE CHAINS, JUST LINKS!
NO MORE CHAINS, JUST LINKS!

[Anonymous No.24155744]

VROOM! VROOM!

Sergey's Dad zips through traffic and does a screeching handbrake 180 into the parking lot all the while revving the engine. He then spins the car around once more as he hits the clutch and proceeds to hop out of the vehicle, vertical doors and all and tosses the cigarette to the ground, "Son! It's so good to see you, I just want to thank you and your "investors" for the car."

Sergey beams as smile back and scratches his beard, "you know what they say Dad", he chuckles, "you only raise money from the three Fs; fools, family and friends."

His Dad bursts into laughter and slaps his back as they begin walking along to the temporary Chainlink offices in downtown San Francisco. "But son, what will they say when you're spending so much money?"

"Well, I'm not spending the money" his son sheepishly grins. "The company is, based in the Caymen's, it's outside of US jurisdiction. We just vaccum up the money and drop it there, then we'll just keep piping it to you under your names so if they investigate me, they won't find anything. In fact, I haven't bought myself anything new, I still wear the same shirt day after day." He lifts up his jacket and the familiar plaid shirt is there.

"I see" his Father nods. "But you'll have to show, these i-investors, hahaha" he barely contains himself then wipes away a tear as he keeps laughing. "These investors, they'll want to see something."

"Easy. We hire temporary shills, well basically market promoters all across Asia and North America to keep marketing our token, it's an ever expanding market." And then, he pauses, "as for progress, we set-up some real easy APIs quoting prices and keep drawing out the timeline, so it looks like work is being done but it's not. We show up to some conferences and we never open up any offical offices, moving from here to there so that if anyone does come and knock, they'll see a bunch of wires everywhere and some weird programmers in the corner."

[Anonymous No.24155764]

>>24155744
His Dad wears an expression of approval and almost admiration. "You know in Russia, everything was about scheming and scamming. I almost got sent to the gulag for scamming the entire village outside of Leningrad. Ahh those were the days..."

"I know Dad, but things are different now. America is easy. They're fat pigs begging to be ripped off..."

His Dad responds worringly, "but then the market will respond. If you're not actually doing work what will you do when rumors or "FUD" as you call it spreads?"

"This... is the best part Dad. I found a kleptomatic internet culture, essentially an entire internet board of people to parade around our token and market it for us. When people doubt us, they just say, "didn't read, never selling." They... actually belive it! They just keep spouting off "never selling!" They actually believe it Dad! Best of all, I convinced these idiots that this token was never meant for them and it was built for business to business scaling. That they were never supposed to discover it in the first place."

"Mhm... the same guys you talked to, to give them low prices on the ICO and hold the token so that they could spread it and reap in profits."

"Well, yeah Dad, that's how good scams work, you cut the profit a little bit each way so that everyone benefits. I even messaged the moderators and admins, they're called "jannies" and got them to look sideways for all the paid shilling and corruption, to spread the token further. Things are looking great Dad, I tell ya"

"Hmh, of course, now let's get some lobster and steak."

"You betcha, I already had three today. But first, let me show you where we operate. We're in San Francisco to convince these dumb neets that we're in tech capital and attend different shows. These- thes-these hahaha, these morons... sorry, they promote our tokens through so called "organic groups" hosting their own events. I swear, this is a carnie level of theatricalism."

[Anonymous No.24155791]

>>24155764
They arrive in the offices, Sergey flings his coat and throws it in the corner. "Pick it up wagie!"

"Yes Master" a kowtow employee humblly slinks off to pick it up.

"You should've seen the guy who tweeted that dumbass MOAB token tweet, I nearly beat his ass." Just then, Sergey's phone rings, "yes, yes... yes... no..."

"What was that about?"

"The guys from gravel coin called me asking for free link, I told them to buy it off binance."

"Binance"

"It's a chink exchange that I network with. They help handle the money laundering. We sell tokens over the counter from wallets we recycled from the ICO."

"This is much- much too complicated for me son."

"It's simple. Before we ICO'ed I made some threads and recruited some guys. I then fudded other tokens and paid Indians to promote it over the internet. We had the ICO then recycled funds back into it to make it pump. Theoretically we sold 35% but it was probably closer to half, maybe even a quarter, I don't remember the numbers."

"Ah, the classic distraction. Like a magician you lure your targets away from the trick."

"Exactly. By making it seem highly in-demand and creating false group-think, we made it seem many more people buying than they actually were. Then we needed money, we contacted the exchange, shuffled the tokens through there and got the funds. In exchange they got discounted prices and we made money."

"I see... and Google?"

"Same process. Bribe the devs with tokens, assure them a pump will happen then we contacted Coinbase and told them if we got a major company to mention us they would list us. Hey! Hey, give me the big mac, now god damn it!"

An employee scurries to hand Sergey a big mac, unwrapped and ready.

[Anonymous No.24155816]

>>24155791
"But Sergey, we are going to go to the restau-"

"Nonsense. I eat at all times and do what I want, hey, blow."

An employee scurries over the Sergey and his Father with a mirror loaded with glistening white lines and two shot glasses.

"Ah, classic Russian snack. Don't mind if I do" he says as he picks up a small cut straw. A loud and an almost snorting sound comes from Sergey's Father as he tilts his head back and comically begins to swallow. "Good shit. Nostrovia!"

"Nostrovia." They gulp down the shots and smash them on the ground. "Pick it up wagie! Anyway, let me give you a tour." They proceed to walk around the cramped offices.

"So when are you going to pull the plug?"

"Well the money machine just keeps going. To be honest, I don't even know what the fuck oracles are."

"Here's what I don't understand. If it's a good making machine, there's sure to be Jews and Russians and sometimes both in the mix."

"Oh they are. Chinks too. There's this twinked out meth-head named Vitalik. He blew me off because he saw through me and he refused bribes because he has his own scam going."

"The guy you're developing for?"

"Well... it's complicated. I promised investors, hahaha, I love saying that word. Investors... anyways, I promsied them something something, derivatives, basically data would go through us for a stock exchange."

"Why?"

"Because, they're stupid. Just connect big words together. Blockchain agnostic. Smart contract oracles. Decentralized node protocols. And bam you have money!"

"Huh, let me try... mhmm... Real time node operators..."

"Hahaha, you got it Pops! It's easy."

[Anonymous No.24155827]

>>24154942
>Decentralized camp system
fucking lost it

[Anonymous No.24155842]

>>24155816
They turn a sharp corner and Sergey angrily slaps the back of the head of one of his employees. "God damn it Rory."

"What, what did I do" he stammers out.

"Nothing. Fuck you, that's what." Both Sergey and his Father burst into laughter as they turn another corner, "This is my office, just a black telephone and a oneahole to blow off steam and... of course" He opens up a closet and there in pristine condition are thirty different shirts, all of the same type.

"The classic Steve Jobs. Son, I am impressed. You've learned big business so well, I only wish your Grandfather was here to see you. He would be so proud how you've milked these internet losers for money."

"NEETs, Dad, they're called NEETs. And I couldn't have done it without your backing."

"Ah, I see your philosophy degree is hung up here."

"Yeah, they made fun of me for it, but I can't help but think it helps me out-think the Fudders. Every time they almost catch us and every time we cover it up."

"And your exit plan."

"Russia of course. They won't extradite."

"Well, you've raised so much damn money... is there a chance to actuallly of pulling it off?"

"Not a chance. There is zero need for a token, you know I thought about it for a while but most of these protocols could be funded just as progress goes along. I picked something intentionally easy to obsfucate but also very easy to develop, but just added a layer of decentralization to make it extra hard."

"Why? Why not just deliver oracles?"

"Because they're fucking useless Dad. Like tarot cards or any other indicator, you just need an API to connect. All we're doing is technically setting up a layer for people to create their own APIs to act as a node to deliver data."

"Ahh, yes data... yes certainly Data is a great scam, but it's old no?"

"Of course, "big data, data is the new oil, yada, yada", but just throw a token on there and the word decentralization and bam! You have big money."

[Anonymous No.24155881]

Chain Link is the epitome of a multi-level and intelligent scam. There are only three or four people on the team, who have some of the most unimpressive resumes in the blockchain field. Their Testnet consisted of nothing more than a simple JSON Parser, something that any college freshman could put together over a weekend.

[Anonymous No.24155896]

> be Ari Juels
> Tell weird philosophy student about an oracle problem and introduce him to your number cult
> "Remember the 42 and 216 goy"
> Tell him that muh tech can solve this problem
> "You can even put your name on this white paper I wrote, Sergey, I get enough credit"
> "You're a smart man Ari"
> Ask Sergey to put together a team of saps
> he meets Adelyn crying over some spelling contest at a local community college and Steve at the bus stop
> Thomas was a neet whose mom forced him to apply for part time work at the nail salon in front of Chainlink HQ
> Everyone else was (((recruited online organically through JIDF channels)))
> Jonny used to post exclusively on anonymous horse and stable coin forums
> "Here, Sergey, Chainlink will solve all the problems of the oracle"
> "Gee thanks Ari you're the best"
> 32 million solved Ari's oracle problem... at least for awhile
> Ari exploits backdoor in Chainlink code
> Tell Sergey
> Sergey is devastated
> Sergey spams "it's over" threads on /biz/
> "It's okay I have an idea"
> Sell Town Crier solution to Sergey "hey I was just working on this and thought you might like it :^)"
> A few more million solved Ari's oracle problem.... At least for awhile
> Ari exploits TC code through backdoor and informs Sergey
> Sergey is suicidal
> He begins spamming tranny porn on /biz/ in revenge
> "It's okay Sergey I've got a new solution to your oracle problem but we have to include my student in this scam I mean company"
> A few more million solves Ari's and Zhang's oracle problem"
Hook, Line, and Stinker

[Anonymous No.24155913]

I'm actually more qualified to talk about this than most anons.I'm employed with a cyber-techno machinations company, I do a lot of security analyst programming type work. Open source, decentralized, APIs, partnerships, you name it. We'd be one of the first companies in line for something like Chainlink, if the decentralized smart contract space had more value over traditional data exchanges. There's a catch though, an underlying flaw more deeply embedded in the bedrock of LINK than the very code itself. The flaw is with the concept, and it's this: Companies won't actually go through the hassle of trusting their data API's through crypto.

Now I can already hear your keyboards going frantic, but hear me out. /biz/ hates banks, and traditional data providers. But actual companies, businesses, and investors do not. There's an old saying you might have heard of: "If it ain't broke, don't fix it!". The idea that any of our bosses would give us the go ahead if we approached them to put our companies valuable data in a smart contract on a cryptocurrency called Chainlink, that they've never heard of, we'd be laughed out at best and fired on the spot at worst. We already have API data buyers and providers we trust.

'But Chainlink is trustless!' I hear you cry, but is that really a good thing? Just listen to the sound of it. Businesses don't want to spend millions of dollars on something that is trustLESS, they want something trustFUL. 'But the reputation system!', doesn't that defeat the whole point of your coin? If companies only trust nodes with high reputation, what's the difference between trusting banks and data providers that already have reputation, but in real life not on a computer screen.

The fact is, LINK is going to share the same fate as ETH will. A lot of 'real world application' hype, with a lot of 'crypto world application' reality. Only, this billion supply coin isn't going to come close to the $1k that Etherum hit. Happy gambling though anons.

[Anonymous No.24155964]

Last night Ari Juels appeared to me in a dream. I told him how cool it was that he could appear before me like this but he just said "oh like you're forgot 216" I was taken aback and could only try and say "it means fourness right?" But he kept cutting me off by saying "fourness right? Fourness right?" and closing his hand shut in my face. My autism got the better of me and spaghetti started shooting from my hands, ears, and mouth as I tried to explain the connection between fictional stories and real life. He just chuckled to himself and walked away. I woke up drenched in sweat and pee pee poo poo.

[Anonymous No.24156023]

>cocks gun
say it like you mean it this time
>D-d-daddy...
>sobs
>police sirens approaching
>intense red and blue lights begin flashing outside your motel window
>hear a loud knock on the door
>tell the kidnapped girl to shill LINK to the state troopers who got a tip she was led into a hotel by an androgynous soibeard
>escape out the window, confident in getting rich off the money they will surely put into LINK after the kidnapped girl tells them that its gonna be 1k eoy 2018 along with some other forced unfunny shit
>kidnapped girl tells cops that i was trying to escape out the window
>they begin running after the linky with AR-47s >his final line of defense is to distract them with the hordes of gay pornography he brought with him
>gets thrown in prison instead
>"reluctantly" becomes the prison pooch and gets pounded by a BBC train everyday
>becomes the prison's STD library, or 'link', possessing every STD known (AIDS included)
>feels fulfilled in his new position, like he's fulfulling sergey's vision
and that's how he became known as stinky linky

[Anonymous No.24156062]

Bunch of 4channers tried to force it as /ourcoin/, during the presale ico phase of chainlink there was a minimum requirement of 300eth to enter the presale.

Coin continued to get shilled and pumped up and hyped for the sibios event that link was attended, whole event turned out to be a flop chainlink had a presentation in a room of like 18 people next to the public toilets, literally no news or partnership came from the event and the coin dumped back to below ico prices and created 1000's of bagholder anons.

Now during this alt bull run lots of anons and took advantage of this and shilling this coin to all the new money and newfags that joined in december and don't know this story.
The coin is HEAVILY manipulated and the supply is dried up from huge whales who accumulated below ICO price to create a artificially lower supply (a lot like REQ) and these people have so much room to dump on all of you faggots to still be in profit when the time comes.

In regards to actual project that chainlink aiming to achieve it's nothing more than a basic json parser for smart contracts, would take like a day to add to ethereum by itself.. literally making links whole concept pointless and definitely no need for a token. Would take a lot longer to get it working with bitcoin but the bitcoin core devs would be able to work out the solution a lot quicker than chainlink will, think that's something worth noting that literally nothing is completed and you're literally just buying a whitepaper, they have only 2 developers and they don't communicate at all with no proven background on either, in fact sergey was involved in a project before chainlink called NxT that he since been abandoned until it was took over by a new developer team.

[Anonymous No.24156077]

For me, it's the McChicken. The best fast food sandwich. I even ask for extra McChicken sauce packets and the staff is so friendly and more than willing to oblige.

One time I asked for McChicken sauce packets and they gave me three. I said, "Wow, three for free!" and the nice friendly McDonald's worker laughed and said, "I'm going to call you 3-for-free!".

Now the staff greets me with "hey it's 3-for-free!" and ALWAYS give me three packets. It's such a fun and cool atmosphere at my local McDonald's restaurant, I go there at least 3 times a week for lunch and a large iced coffee with milk instead of cream, 1-2 times for breakfast on the weekend, and maybe once for dinner when I'm in a rush but want a great meal that is affordable, fast, and can match my daily nutritional needs.

I even dip my fries in McChicken sauce, it's delicious! What a great restaurant.

[Anonymous No.24156120]

It's true, i saw him at the local mcdonalds demanding they accept his link as payment for the 3 big macs he ordered.
When confronted by the manager who said they need "real money" sergey grabbed the tray with the big macs on it and locked himself in one of the female restroom's stalls.
The manager and female cashier banged frantically on the door, tell him if he ate them the authorities would be called.
I got on my phone just in time the catch him live streaming eating the last one, wrapper and all.
30 minutes later the cops arrived and dragged him off after he yelled about how fiat was meaningless now that he solved the oracle problem and that he already sent them link for the burgers.

[Anonymous No.24156124]

>YES YESSS. PLEASE POZ ME MASTER SERGEY
*there's a knock at the door*
>WHO THE FUCK IS IT
>Sergey pulls out his massive russian cock, dripping clear cum on the floor as it leaves gaping anus.
>It's Thomas, master. I have your next linkie.
>Bring him in Thomas.
*a cute little asian boi walks in. he is shy*
>Where are you from, sergeys buttcheaks still sweaty from his previous session.
>n..niigata...
>WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST CALL BE YOU BUG? . BEND OVER
*he slowly pulls down his pants and shows sergey his boipussy*
>HERE'S A MIXICLE
*sergey burys his face into the bois asshole*
>ooooo your beard. its hurting me
>SHUT THE FUCK UP.
*sergey stirs his tounge around in circles
>ooooh my godd masterr
*the boy splurts a pathetic amount of cum onto the floor out of his tiny swinging penis*
*sergey takes his face out of the boys ass and takes a long snifff*
>MMMM YEAH. THOMAS GET IN HERE
>yes master?
>IM DONE, REMOVE HIM. LETS GET BACK TO WORK
*sergey checks his wallet of 700 million Link*
>MMM...

Chapter 2

>i love edging to the dev wallet, Thomas. Knowing that I have over a billion dollars i can dump at any moment. It gets me so hard
*Thomas quivers in fear*
>how is staking coming along?
>its ready to be deployed..master…
>Take off your shirt Thomas
*Thomas peels off his shirt, revealing his saggy manteets*
>MM YOU’VE ALWAYS BEEN LOYAL TO ME THOMAS
>DANCE FOR ME
>master what if rory finds out
*sergey viciously strokes his cock, edging to the point of explosion*
>master..mm.. I.. I hope rory…
>SHUT THE FUCK UP
*sergey edges to the point where he cant anymore, spilling at first a drop of cum, and then spewing out the last ounces of come possible from his prostate

[Anonymous No.24156216]

>>He walks into your room, belt buckle undone with mcdonalds grease glistening his hairy chest
>>He loosely flings off his daily steve jobs plaid shirt
>>You brace yourself uncomfortable, the binds keeping you shackled spread eagled on the floor

"yes master, nulinkers deserve death. they are just trying to buy this synth-russian vaporware dogshit token on the low by fudding a chinese CCP fly-fishing counter protestor forum. not like your browse it master or have any fucking semblance of a fatass walrus scammer mindset."

He smiles.

He slowly walks over to you.

"And what do you say to the deceivers?"

"You'll never buy sub one dollar again! Nice try, didn't read, not selling! been holding for 700+ days. imma just keep buying like the dumb dipshit pig i am. it'll eventually work out no matter what because im too stupid to understand economics and i compare this opportunity to ethereum cuz im a fat, fucking retarded pig that loves to pay for your expenses and vacations"

He assumes the position now, a chair on top of your bare naked chest. He grunts and let out a massive fart.

"That's right... I've been holding it for 700,000 blocks, it's nice and hot and stinky..." He trails off, a distant look in his eyes as he glances and looks at all the chainlink posters in the room.

He grunts and out comes, a fat nasty shit on your chest.

"Another 700k, dumped. Take it in your GPI."

"Thank you master, partnership confirmed. To the moon!"

[Anonymous No.24156411]

>>24154999
checked
based and linkpilled

[Anonymous No.24156823]

besado

[Anonymous No.24157232]

>>24154942
7 years ago i met in a Mauritanian mosque a man called Imam Sergeyllah Nazaromedov.
After a few prayers, we decided to finish praying at his place to get more hasanat, so he invited me at his condo.
He was very pious, so he grabbed a piece of paper and he started to draw something, he told me to start praying while he watches me, so I went to do my normal prayer, but whenever I did sujud, Sergeyllah came at me from behind and helped me correct my sujud posture, but his crotch rubbed against my ass every time he did it and I could feel him getting harder and harder.
I was also feeling my penis get harder and harder, which confused me and didn't let me focus on Allah, so I did what any good muslim man would do, get the bad thoughts out of the way by indulging them so I can pray 100%.
I pulled my abaya up and Sergeyllah inserted his huge blessed penis inside my anus.
I felt instantly stretched but it felt ecstatic, he was moaning so loud I was scared he would have a heart attack, sweat was driping all over me, and I was so lost in his love I forgot about god for a while.
Then he came, what a divine ejaculation, it felt like warm comfort inside me, as soon as he pulled his penis out I clenched my anus to not waste one drop of that warm nectar.
He then pulled my abaya down, came next to me, and we prayed together with our minds 100% concentrated on god.
We we finished, he told me a sad story about a man who stole from thousands of mentally ill children and we both cried until our beards were wet.
9 months later I gave birth to our child, which shouldn't have happened since I'm a man, but the semen was so strong and was held for so long inside my body couldn't resist.

[Anonymous No.24157598]

>>24157232
Bismillah, brother.

[Anonymous No.24158119]

It’s all fun and games until stink drops to $0

[Anonymous No.24158177]

>>24154999
Checked.

[Anonymous No.24158316]

>>24156062
I-is this true? Should I sell before it's too late?

[Anonymous No.24159140]

>>24156077
checked and based

[Anonymous No.24160060]

>>24154999
>>24156411
>>24156411
THESE SELF CHECKING CHECKS

[Anonymous No.24160119]

>>24156062
>public toilets
globohomo has an incredible sense of humor

[Anonymous No.24160411]

based

[Anonymous No.24160620]

>>24154942
Get your ducks in a row! $1000 EOY