/biz/ - Business & Finance

[Anonymous No.24460267]

>Anon, could you step into my office ?
>your body language was off point in today's stand up meeting and I'm concerned

[Anonymous No.24460556]

>anon why are you so quiet? I want everyone to join in!

[Anonymous No.24460583]

>Be CEO
>"Trump really was a bad president now wasn't he?"
>Check all the slaves who responded positively to the statement
>Fire them

[Anonymous No.24460632]

>>24460583
>hey anon, you looked really tired but if we're tired what about the costumer? Come on spread that smile and go out there and help some people, remember smiling is one of our mottos

[Anonymous No.24460654]

>>24460267
Why didn’t trump just cheat as well to win
I don’t want this coming timeline

[Anonymous No.24460739]

Anon your body language was 56% confrontational this morning while we were singing the company black lives matter song.
Please step in front of this camera and say black lives matter 3 times.

[Anonymous No.24460967]

>>24460654

The time has come for you to take the last step. You must love Big Brother. It is not enough to obey him: you must love him

[Anonymous No.24460969]

>Hey anon, you seemed uncomfortable earlier when we were discussing diversity hires, in fact, this computer thing says you were 67% uncomfortable, do you have something to share with the team anon? You know how I value open communication

[Anonymous No.24461007]

>>24460267
the absolute state of wagie slave

[Anonymous No.24461047]

>>24460267
>just trying to do my job
>already forced to do video calls with boss aka babysitter
>microsoft starts recording my body language
>sneeze on camera
>microsoft sends report to female minority HR cunt
>i get disciplined because my facial expression mid-sneeze was recorded with extreme anger levels
>i tell HR cunt i just sneezed
>i actually get angry
>microsoft records me as potential rapist and anger problems
>i get fired
>HR cunt laughs after firing me
>microsoft rewards her good facial expression while she laughs at me
>HR gives herself a promotion

[Anonymous No.24461062]

>>24460267
FUCK FUCK FUCK Y DONT SHE JUST LEAVE ME A ALONE

[Anonymous No.24461098]

>>24460267
give details this could just as easily be a quality score for like the pitch at the meeting. maybe they can detect better outcomes of their products if they get good body language feedback

[Anonymous No.24461104]

>>24461047
>HR reps start to get murdered all over the country

[Anonymous No.24461132]

>>24461007

>Anon our systems indicate that youre in a bad mood today and its affecting your productivity . is there anything you'd like to share with the team?

[Anonymous No.24461266]

>>24461132
>Yes boss, I've been bagholding xrp since 2017, today marks the 3 years anniversary

[Anonymous No.24461397]

>>24460267
>We decided against giving you a raise this year anon as our systems indicated you frequently exhibited signs of contentious and hostile behaviour towards Tyrone, our resident racial awareness manager. We decided to give him YOUR raise as further punishment for your disobedience in hope you strive to be more accepting of others in the workplace, like he is.

[Anonymous No.24461603]

>>24461266
Hello. I don't remember posting this.

[Anonymous No.24461636]

>>24460583
CEO of based right here

[Anonymous No.24461810]

How can you afford to be a wagie at this point? Are they okay with having a rod rammed up their ass 5 days a week?

[Anonymous No.24461850]

>>24461810

>Yea its annoying but what choice do we have? Everyone needs a job!

[Anonymous No.24461938]

>>24461047
Kek

[Anonymous No.24462043]

>Anon, your posture has been off ever since we allowed you to have more responsibility
>According to this Microsoft® chart, you cross your legs in a very unproductive and hostile manner
>The machines couldn't read your eyes and suggested you cannot maintain focus
>I'm sorry, this isn't working out
>Also, the machine writes referrals nowadays and it doesn't really like you. Good luck and hope for the best!

[Anonymous No.24462144]

>>24461047
based and redpilled

[Anonymous No.24462176]

>>24460267
>anon, at 02:33:34 into the meeting you had a rictus when HR mentioned the new lgbt policies. furthermore, your fidgeting score went up 0.5 point during her talk about inclusivity and 0.9 (!) towards the end. your respiratory rate + temperature during that part was above your mean. care to explain what was going on in your head? you didn't disagree with those policies did you?

[Anonymous No.24462313]

>>24461266
I'm in this picture and I don't like it.

[Anonymous No.24462406]

>>24460739
Employee, face the node and explain why black lives matter.

[Anonymous No.24462968]

>>24461810
oh, it can always get worse

[Anonymous No.24463096]

>>24460267
I apologize Mr. Shekelstein, you can decresse my salary just please dont fire me

[Anonymous No.24463124]

>overcom buzzes
>"anon your body language is off, it's not living up to our corporate standards"
>*wage cage shocks you*
>sorry boss i'll do better
>"anon your tone has been analyzed as slightly sarcastic, your pay has been docked, your cage will visit my office at 5 before being unlocked."
>in front of your eyes you see your one bathroom break for the day has been deducted
>thank you boss

[Anonymous No.24463143]

>>24460654
he did. still lost

[Anonymous No.24463219]

Shit like this is why I'm quitting employment for good as soon as WFH ends. I can't go back. I'd get fired immediately.

[Anonymous No.24463273]

>>24461397
I would offer to suck Tyrone's dick as a proof of my commitment towards diversity as long as i got to keep the raise.

[Anonymous No.24463371]

>>24463124
>your cage will visit my office at 5 before being unlocked
lmao, i could imagine a hellscape where your boss just presses a button and immediately summons any employee via a rail system or maybe like a claw game operation. just fuckin picks up people and you watch as they spill their coffee and start screaming to be put down

[Anonymous No.24463602]

>haven't worked in the cage all year
I can't go back, I just can't.

[Anonymous No.24463640]

>>24460267
now wagies MUST dance

[Anonymous No.24463663]

>>24463371

[Anonymous No.24463676]

>>24463663
bullshit

[Anonymous No.24463836]

I don't worry about things like this anymore because I started a business

[Anonymous No.24463928]

>>24463676
You havent seen that? Its basically what invented the wagie cagie meme.

[Anonymous No.24463959]

>>24463836

>Anon, youll be happy to know that we're raising taxes on white small businesses this year to correct for historical injustices towards systemically marginalized PoC

[Anonymous No.24463988]

>>24463959
If that happens I'll move to a place that doesn't do that.

[Anonymous No.24464040]

>>24460267
U forgot something op

https://www.bbc.com/news/technology-55133141

[Anonymous No.24464045]

>>24463988

Funny of you to think you can escape.

[Anonymous No.24464136]

>>24463676
get off my board newfag
see >>24463928

[Anonymous No.24464277]

>>24461104
you would think so but probably not because something like that would have happened already in some area

[Anonymous No.24464394]

>>24460267
I don't need AI to tell me that the vast majority of meetings are a colossal waste of time and are just Karen the project manager wanting to feel important and productive.

[Anonymous No.24464528]

>>24463959
$221M isn't that much money desu
still, seems like a cruel joke seeing as Natives have it way worse in pretty much every metric.

[Anonymous No.24464531]

>>24463988
>move
They are clamping down on movement, anon.

[Anonymous No.24464591]

>>24463928
Wait what, that was real?

[Anonymous No.24464602]

>>24460969
Fuck niggers, trannies, jannies, beaners, jews, chinks, boomers, and most importantly fuck this job. I have 30 shares of the fourth industrial revolution, I don't need this job La'kweensha.

[Anonymous No.24464617]

>>24463836
What do you do?

[Anonymous No.24464653]

>>24463928
ive seen the wage cage, which is kinda why i posted the wage wojak, but i didnt realize the cages were able to be moved in such a fashion. i dont recall that in the original patent design posted

[Anonymous No.24464661]

>>24460267
I am so glad I work at a smaller business where the IT department's budget is so small they can't know more than if I'm online or not.

[Anonymous No.24464667]

>>24463273
How is the UK this time of year?

[Anonymous No.24464680]

>>24460739
Why don't you say that three times within cells interlinked

[Anonymous No.24464742]

>>24464653
Which effectively makes it a gayer pallet turret, or man up reach forklift (same shit).
Fun fact, the top two results are of joggers operating the 200-400k (with 50k yearly maintenance) equipment...as if that would ever happen irl. Gotta love (((advertising)))

[Anonymous No.24464756]

>Walk into office
>AHEM
>Ahem vibrates through the concrete, setting off several Body-language triangulators, Sweat Condensation Sensors, and smoke alarms
>I HAVE AN ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE
>The Micro$oft bodyguards and SWAT team are rushing toward my location
>FFFFFFFFF
>An HR hamplanet dives through the air like a majestic krispe kreme powered blimp
>UUUUUCK NIIIGGGEERRRSSSS
>It's too late
>The wagecucks VR helments and Prostate dilators snap in half
>Everyone is freed by my racism
>Wagies protect me with their supple flesh while a hail of gunfire heads down the office corridors
>I sneak out to fuck my 9 year old wife

[Anonymous No.24464806]

>>24460739
>>24461047
>>24462406
>>24463124

[Anonymous No.24464835]

>>24463124
>your cage will visit my office

[Anonymous No.24464853]

>>24461850
literally what's the alternative

[Anonymous No.24464891]

>>24464853
Not today, CIA.

[Anonymous No.24464935]

>>24464756
Amazing.

[Anonymous No.24465052]

>>24464756
chad king

[Anonymous No.24465221]

>>24461810
This is why everyone should try to start a business.

[Anonymous No.24465259]

>>24464617
I run a digital marketing agency.

You should try to start a business too.

[Anonymous No.24465559]

>>24461266
Xrp holder btfo

[Trismegistus !wGbTsXAmUU No.24465617]

>>24462043
Oooh. Spike frog. Thx anon.