/biz/ - Business & Finance

[Anonymous No.24694829]

>"We're looking for a team player."

[Anonymous No.24694836]

That makes sense. Would you want a non-team player on your team?

[Anonymous No.24694844]

>>24694829
Your team sucks and i dont want to play for it.

[Anonymous No.24694850]

>>24694829
Seethe n sneed. You neet incel.

You will mever be a woman

[Anonymous No.24694864]

>>24694829
>uses quote arrows and quotation marks

[Anonymous No.24694905]

>"We're looking for creative leaders and problem solvers to join our team."

[Anonymous No.24694916]

>>24694829
No one ever answers me.

Is this a VN commodore?

[Anonymous No.24695023]

>team player
3 guys fuck 1 guy in the ass.

society is a team. guess what? someone loses. someone is always on the losing side of a trade.

at my work, they wanted "team players". i was one until the moment I pointed out things that are bullshit which they didn't like. now they expect me to be a team player while never promoting me or even considering what i might want. five fucking years with this shit company and the only reason i even got promoted one time was because a senior manager saw what was happening and did the right thing. he eventually got demoted and fired. for doing the right thing.

fuck the team. all they'll do is fuck your asshole and expect you to like it.

make it on your own and take revenge when the time is right.

[Anonymous No.24695100]

>we’re looking for a socially retarded misanthrope
Sign me up!

[Anonymous No.24695133]

>we’re looking for a friendless, hobbyless grown adult that has never had sexual intercourse and can’t hold a conversation and has no relevant work experience and despite all of this still looks down on us as we are “normies”

[Anonymous No.24695137]

>Seeking a motivated self-starter

[Anonymous No.24695157]

>>24695133
You’re hired

[Anonymous No.24695212]

>>24695133
Based and redpilled

[Anonymous No.24695293]

>>24694829
Well i eat asshole so you can say thats me

[Anonymous No.24695367]

>in this highly pivotal position, you'll be expected to take initiative and strategize your own objectives

[Anonymous No.24695397]

>>24695133
When do I start?

[Anonymous No.24695423]

>>24694829

[Anonymous No.24695473]

>>24695023
That's what it means. These things are euphemisms.

>we want someone who can hit the ground running
>we want a self-starter
Both = you are 100% on your own but we expect you to be like someone who's been here 10 years and knows all our processes/codebase/etc

>we want someone who gets shit done
You will work all evenings and weekends

>we want a team player
You must submit to our assfucking

>we want a rockstar/unicorn
We expect you to work miracles but we don't pay shit

>looking for a problem solver
We have no idea what we're doing and everything is a fucking mess. Maybe you can fix it by doing everyone's job

And so on...

[Kristina No.24695567]

What do you know about DuckDAO?

Found Medium article about their Crypto Incubator, seems transparent, share your opinion about it.

[Anonymous No.24696154]

>>24694829
>we need a lvl99 Datamancer

[Anonymous No.24696345]

Your average applicant:
>work experience: three school projects
>2.1 GPA
>proficient in 6 different programming languages = has done a hello world school project with the language
>"yeah i've heard about git and ci/cd"
>desired salary: 20% above industry average because "they know their worth"

Wish I was joking

[Anonymous No.24696362]

>not lying on all the retarded personality tests to trick HR people

[Anonymous No.24696404]

>>24694836
Please define "team player"

[Anonymous No.24696618]

>>24696345
Most could write a SQL select.

[Anonymous No.24696633]

>>24696618
*Couldn’t.

[Anonymous No.24696669]

>>24696345

The world is full of mongs and now they are seeping into the IT fields

[Anonymous No.24696680]

>>24695133

[Anonymous No.24696836]

>>24696669
now?

[Anonymous No.24696886]

Someone experience with freelance Java developing work? (consulting) Been working for 2 years, did 3 big projects and have some certifications.

I hate being on the bottom of this fookin ponzi scheme and would like eto break free and skip my subcontractor overlord and get al the shekels myself so I can invest a lot more (would still live small, rice and beans until rich)

Any tips?

[Anonymous No.24697200]

>UI ROCKSTAR

[Anonymous No.24697309]

>we want a rock star
This one always makes me cringe.

[Anonymous No.24697507]

> hit the floor running

[Anonymous No.24697719]

>>24695100
>>24695133
This is me -sex +various health complications. Need to figure it out quick

[Anonymous No.24697768]

"what's your spirit animal"

> walked out of interview, knew wasn't going to get the job and they probably already already had someone in mind, was just trying to fill a quota

[Anonymous No.24697838]

>Candidates must have a PASSION for technical analysis

[Anonymous No.24698230]

>>24694829
"In my opinion most important aspect of a team player is that you do your own part and you do it well"
>i do my shit
>i dont do your shit
>teamwork is shit in disguise

[Anonymous No.24698347]

>>24695133
kek autists btfo

[Anonymous No.24698370]

>>24695023
based anon I can relate

[Anonymous No.24698434]

>>24697838
Never, ever apply for a job where people talk about passion, or work in an industry where it's common for professionals to talk about passion.
"Passion" is, without exception, an excuse for them to have you work overtime at reduced wages.

[Anonymous No.24698447]

>>24696345
>"industry average"
Nothing but jew talk. It means nothing.

[Anonymous No.24698473]

>>24697768
>If you were a fruit, what fruit would you be Mr.Anon

Unironically said this interview is done and I'm leaving.

[Anonymous No.24698475]

>>24696618
>right click
>Select Top 1000 Rows
>Enter

Your move

[Anonymous No.24698522]

>>24694829
>team player gets hired
>soaks up as much knowledge as he can from everyone
>while being pleasant and fluffing everyone up verbally
>female coworkers gets extra fluff and sucks his dick
>secretly looks around for another job
>boss wants to hire him for 100% more pay
>take the job, immediate quit old job

Rinse and repeat.

[Anonymous No.24698585]

>>24696886
>java
>any tips?
stop subbing on fivrrrrrr for $2usd/hr
move out of india

[Anonymous No.24698639]

I have never worked for a salary
I hope I never will
I can not fathom something more soul crushing than being a slave
We have so little time on this earth, why spend it like this?

[Anonymous No.24698640]

>>24696404
!(You) || !(OP)

[Anonymous No.24698732]

>be enthusiastic about automation and AI
AKA. Eat ze bugs

[Anonymous No.24698743]

>>24698473

"I'd be an orange, because I'm juicy and full of zest!"

>Internally dying inside

[Anonymous No.24698792]

Anon, we are cutting pay to 80% due to covid and lower sales.
Yes we still need you to do extra after work and at weekends.
No you won't get reimbursement when things pick up.

Are you not committed to the company anon?

[Anonymous No.24698837]

>We're really protective of our culture here.
>Every payday we work on passion projects.

[Anonymous No.24698858]

>>24698639
I feel you but life sucks like that. Be grateful you were born into money.

[Anonymous No.24698870]

>>24695133
>but sir, there is one more stipulation. You must hate women and black people. We understand this may be difficult but we are willing to more than adequately compensate you.

[Anonymous No.24698873]

>>24698837
Stuff like that IS always ideal. These businesses just want to emulate or create the successful autists. But to be truly passionate like that is fucking rare.

[Anonymous No.24698889]

>>24698792
Literally me lol. Hired at 57k in 2018 and I’m making fucking 26k now doing the same job part time

[Anonymous No.24698907]

>>24698639
Trust fund baby or just a pathetic neet only able to survive because of family support? My guess is the latter from your image.

People work for a living because they need money.

[Anonymous No.24699001]

>>24698639
I wish to become a rentier.

[Anonymous No.24699029]

>>24698907
If you're from a first world country there are a billion ways to make money that don't involve you signing away your body and soul to mr shekelberg

[Anonymous No.24699050]

>>24699029
Oh yeah? Name 3

[Anonymous No.24699169]

>>24699029
>>24699050
There are ways but they almost always depend on having starting capital. After that you're set. Before that you're kind of screwed because your only commodity to trade is your time/labor, and if you're really unlucky you went to uni for a worthless degree and have negative capital.

Once you have starting capital, even just a few thousand bucks, you can start an unlicensed business and start stacking serious cash pretty easily. Then you just have to get straightened out, go legit, and hire retards to do the labor for you. My cousin did this with pool cleaning.

[Anonymous No.24699549]

>covid happens, everyone gets laid off but me (because I'm actually useful)
>work alone
>pure bliss
>boss hires back one of the useless pajeets who got put on layoff due to covid
>his mind: we'll be working at 200% productivity now
>reality: we'll be working at 75% productivity because now my time will be sucked away by supporthing him as he does fuckall

[Anonymous No.24699691]

>>24699549
Can you just refuse to help him? With only two subordinates even a blind retard should be able to determine who's actually getting work done and who's dead weight.

[Anonymous No.24699722]

>>24699050
sell art / services online (write books / draw commissions / design websites / made videos / whatever there are a trillion different things you can sell)
learn a liberal profession (therapist, masseur, whatever)
gamble shitcoins
there you go
my mom was an astrologer which no one in the work force will tell you should be a reasonable career path and yet she had a waiting list of clients that was months long because she advertised herself with videos on youtube
I started making money by selling erotic short stories on amazon then graduated to selling novels, and now I'm turning my earnings from this activity into a lot more money thanks to crypto all while sitting at home doing whatever the fuck I want
the sky is the limit in the internet age, being a wageslave is just the path of less risk

[Anonymous No.24699748]

>salary: competitive

[Anonymous No.24700499]

>>24699722
How is it better than coding?

[Anonymous No.24700756]

>>24699748
Only asshole companies that want to keep everyone's pay top secret so they never have to give anyone a raise to match their peers in the same role do this.

[Anonymous No.24700883]

>we’re looking for an outgoing people-person
>aka a bubbly teenage girl the manager can fuck
Fuck GameStop.

[Anonymous No.24701316]

>Be CS Major
>Have uni course where the final deliverable is a project
>We have to group in 3
>Get invited by a couple of guys to join their group, one is from western europe and the other one is a pajeet
>I know about working with pajeets and generally try to avoid it
>Think to myself "meh, it cant be that bad can it?" after all I didnt get any other team invites
>Decide to roll with it
>Fast forward a month and a half
>We're 3 days away from deadline
>The pajeet has not written a single line of code and has only written 150 words of the report(under the pretext that his other courses are very heavy)
>meanwhile I have implemented 90% of the logic and the other guy has helped me a bit and started with the report

What's the correct approache here? I tried telling the stupid pajeet to fucking do something about this project? Is reporting him to my tutors the right thing to do?

The other guy is also kinda shit but he atleast had the decency to help me with the last couple of functions that needed to be done.

[Anonymous No.24701344]

>>24700883
They want someone who feels no shame asking a 7 year old if they want to sign up for a membership or preorder some garbage. They want someone who feels no shame doing that to every single person who comes through the door. It's a sales job, not a register job.

[Anonymous No.24701381]

>>24701316
Don't put his name on the final report, simple as that.

If he complains or if the teacher asks just be real with them and tell them pajeet contributed absolutely nothing despite your insistence (evidence might be helpful just in case).

Don't let him get away with it fren

[Anonymous No.24701472]

>>24698870
I just can't do that, sorry

[Anonymous No.24701474]

So glad I work in education.
It is a much easier world. Present the kids with this, test them for this. The end. Get paid by the taxpayers. Easiest fucking money I've ever earned.

[Anonymous No.24701493]

>>24701316
We have to each write what part of the project we implemented and generally what we worked with. I'll just leave him to disgrace himself and will directly report him if he writes that he implemented something that he didnt.

[Anonymous No.24701550]

>>24694836
What they really mean is be available 24/7/365 on office 365 tehe, hold the line, be available for crunch time especially during holidays, don’t have a family unless it’s the company, do stacy’s and Jerome’s homowork, don’t be wise to it and lastly UNDER NO circumstances be a Trumper.

At this point just be a neet and ONLY work hard enough to qualify for unemployment because no matter what you have a 1 year minimum employment date to MAX of 3 years, unless your a locked in Boomer or a manager. Only take on work that benefit you later down the road and try your hardest to get into self employment or a half office have field position in a white male field.

[Anonymous No.24701634]

>>24701316
What's your goal here? Punish the pajeet? Get "justice" for doing most of the work on the project? Ruin your relationships going forward?

Group projects are always shit in courses because always someone doesn't pull their own weight. You have to basically take on the role of project lead to get anything like fair work out of everybody, which triples your own work load because nobody else will recognize the value of holding everyone else accountable for their work and deadlines.

It's basically too late to save this mess. If you want to punish the pajeet, ask to meet with your professor in person, show him what you have so far, and explain exactly what the pajeet has contributed and what his excuse is. DO NOT LEAVE A RECORD OF WHAT WAS DISCUSSED AT THE MEETING. No emails, no letters, no notes. Verbal only. Leave it up to the professor what grade he wants to give everyone, just give him the information about what's going on with the project. Then when grades come out feign ignorance about how grades were determined. Deny everything.

Next time you have a group project, try to only group up with friends OR insist on determining a project lead right away who has the authority to assign tasks and set deadlines and hold people accountable for missing deadlines. Or just ask your professor if you can solo it.

[Anonymous No.24701728]

>we’re looking for a startup ninja!
>5+ years of full stack experience
>has worked in agile/lean processes
>bonus points for experience in the Transgender Pornography industry

[Anonymous No.24701817]

>>24695023
Why are you still there???

[Anonymous No.24701821]

>>24694836
Yes, I want the kind of guy on my team that does all the work while I chill

[Anonymous No.24701855]

>>24694836
team player doesn't mean what you think it means

[Anonymous No.24702020]

>>24695023
How do you get revenge other than quitting?

[Anonymous No.24702246]

>newly created position
>high visibility hybrid role
>"mostly" remote"
>rapidly growing company
>competitive compensation / "up to" $x plus (undefined) bonus

[Anonymous No.24702307]

>>24694829
True. I generally find people who are /biz/ types anti-social and[ autistic. This is why you're seething over that statement in a job requirement, you're unqualified.

[Anonymous No.24702489]

>>24694864
>"Quote arrows"
Ehm, they are called meme arrows, sweetie...

[Anonymous No.24702694]

>>24697309
The worst job I had!

[Anonymous No.24702773]

>>24702489
Actually they're green text chevrons

[Anonymous No.24703126]

>>24698473
deadly nightshade berry

[Anonymous No.24703289]

>>24702246
>>competitive compensation/ DOE
I read that to mean minimum wage.

[Anonymous No.24703323]

>>24698522
This

Honestly the game isn’t that hard if you’re consistent

Work hard, be NICE to people . Most importantly learn things to make you more valuable.

T. Fucked my last boss and got a big raise

Only thing I did wrong was I fell madly in love with her and she did not feel the same so I told everyone I work with and quit

FUCK YOU DEBRA YOU HEARLESS BITCH

[Anonymous No.24703377]

>>24694829
>"there is a lot of room for growth and we love it here"
>a few months into job realize there is no room for growth and the same people who said they loved the job have now left

Gotta love it. And those people who left will have the job replaced by an external hire. No promotion for you :)

[Anonymous No.24703444]

>>24701728
>agile/lean
You definitely know your buzzwords good sir

Dude there’s stupid fucking money if you can get into lean/agile/ 6 sigma

[Anonymous No.24704732]

>>24703444
My only problem with taking advantage of these programs is that they're designed to be carried out by spineless midwits (100-110IQ). I can't bring myself to waste so much time on meetings and documenting our time when I could just be getting results instead.