/cgl/ - Cosplay & EGL

my wardrobe is at maximum capacity for my closet, but i haven't worn lolita outside of the house in months due to severe depression/psychosis, fatigue, and intense skin sensitivity and muscle aches. i used to have flawless skin and now i'm starting to break out constantly. my hair is falling out to the point where i can see my scalp. this is causing body dysmorphia. feeling torn between the thrill of appearing repulsive to others and the desperation to be beautiful. i'm starting to resonate more with the idea of killing myself and making it all stop, than i ever could with the lie that "it gets better".