/cgl/ - Cosplay & EGL

This happened about a year ago

>20
>full time undergrad
>had bf of one year (very strong relationship) he was 19
>the wednesday before a con
>I had been nauseous, and my boobs were sore and hurt for about a week
>on BC, period should have been here by Monday
>take a test
>positive
>take another test
>positive
>take a third test
>positive
>f u c k
>tell bf
>him: f u c k
>agreed together that if this happened I would get an abortion
>having feels that go against our plan
>call psychiatrist and tell her
"Fetal development may be affected by the mediations you're on, Anon. If you plan to keep it, then you should reduce the dosage (I have bipolar II, I can't quit cold turkey)
>cry for hours
>bf comforts me
>Thursday I make an appointment with an abortion clinic for the Thursday after the con
>feeling feels I have never felt before
>friends I'm rooming with at con are best friends
>tell them
>Anon, come to the con! We want to be with you to support you through this.
>Bf agrees, it'd be better than staying at home and isolating myself
>We go!
>on friday, the only times the feels waved in were when I saw babies, and when we were trying to sleep
>Saturday gets here, I suddenly have cramps
>Fuck am I miscarrying?
>Ignore it, it's time for brunch in cosplay
>cramps come and go
>saturday evening
>get back to the hotel room to order pizza
>sit down, cramps have been getting pretty bad
>tell everyone, bf shows concern
>take a shower
>suddenly blood
>lots and lots of blood
>running down my legs
>yell for bf: "I think I'm miscarrying!"
>rest of the night I stay in the hotel room, in pajamas
>Still cramping

I went to my appointment at the abortion clinic and yep- I had a miscarriage. My bf and I are still together. I still have feels about it, I know that I would have gotten an abortion, but there's something about miscarrying that I can't really label a particular emotion. It's different.