/cgl/ - Cosplay & EGL

14yo weeb
>bullied at school
>Watching naruto online, decide I wanna learn japanese because it's edgy and different
>downloading shitty Jrock songs to my mp3 player, listening to it whilst taking long walks in the rain and imagining I was in Tokyo
>get really into dumb BL animes like Okane Ga Nai and Loveless, ironically mostly because the atmosphere of anime-Tokyo felt nice and cosy to me for some reason
>move all the way to another city just to study Japanese
>live on the internet, real life sux
>dress like a retard, smell
16-17yo weeb
>caught up with the rest of my japanese class super fast, became best in class, won a contest
>turned into a shitty competitive bastard
>made some friends
>transitioned from anime to dramas, got into (poorly executed) jfash but too poor to afford makeup
>download all the magazine scans
>discovered lolita and gyaru
>everyone at new school is making fun of me behind my back for being a weird looking weeb
>eventually get my first Asian makeup
18-19
>calmed down
>find out best friends have been making fun of me behind my back too
>now alone, but also less autistic
>start looking better
>start cosplaying
>stop cosplaying
>get into college
>get decent at gyaru
>drop out
19-20
>move away from home
>get into a better college (in retrospect, dropping out was a good call), meet SO
>kind of depressed and fucked up at this stage
>attempt gyaru again but eventually drop it
>descend into normie hell with no normie clothes but no weeaboo tastes anymore
20-22
>lonely normie in a new place with no friends other than SO
>things gradually improve
23
>decide to get some closure and start planning a trip for japan next year
>fall in love all over again, like a majestic phoenix rising from its wapanese ashes
>scared to show SO my final form but he wants to come with me

And that's my weeb timeline. I'm only still here because nerd/weeb culture is the only one I know.

>>8564787

Seagulls, how do I become well-spoken?

I always feel self-conscious when I see a foreigner who's able to articulate their thoughts much better than I, a native, can.
English is my mother tongue but I speak several other languages (some fluently, others less so) and I've got the same problem with each one.

I always feel so self-conscious about having a narrow vocabulary but no matter how many words I memorise or how well-read I am they never come to me naturally.

One thing that contributes to the problem is my brain being ten steps ahead of my mouth due to anxiety. There's such an overwhelming choice of words and I'm always so afraid of picking the wrong one that it turns into a flurry of 'errrs' and 'uhmmm's and I end up sounding like a demented geriatric or randomly trail off in the middle of the sentence.

I'm becoming so self-conscious that I've almost stopped talking at all during meets and I'm scared others might think me dumb or arrogant. What do?

Oh and I've not spoken to a single person in months so that might have something to do with it as well.

>>8355307
>that font