/cgl/ - Cosplay & EGL

I'm so sick of my eating disorder and how it makes everything I love not fun for me. I can't be 100% happy in lolita or jfash because there are brands my waist is a few inches too big for and even thinking about those brands makes me so depressed. I can't lift weights because it means my legs and arms won't be thin like a models. I can't run because I ran too much and with bad form over the years as a form of purging and now my joints are fucked. I can't enjoy food, I can't enjoy anything because I'm always thinking about food....I hate caring so much about such a shallow thing as like 3 inches on my waist. I hate how a few pounds are ruining my life. Im trying so hard not to care but in a hobby like fashion it's impossible not to think of your body.

I woke up early today to try to do some cardio and just had a fucking meltdown about all this shit instead. Now I have to go to work and survive on barely any food because I ate 90% of my calories last night and didn't get to burn it off