/cgl/ - Cosplay & EGL

>Tfw trauma around alcohol due to parent being alcoholic and abusive
>It's that time of the year again
>Bf's cousin is coming over for Christmas
>Party girl sort of person, is going to go clubbing
>Bf wants to spend time with her so he's decided to go clubbing
>Decide not to go with him because anxiety, club is too loud, too many people, trauma flares from drunks etc
>Get sad because nightclubs are scary but don't want to be a bitch about it and pussywhip him into not going
>Get worried that if he goes he'll get super drunk and come home smashed and will trigger my trauma even more
>Get worried that he'll cheat on me at the club even though it's an unreasonable thought to have that's anxiety driven and probably won't happen
Fuck Christmas, honestly. I know I'm being unreasonable even complaining about it like this and I'm going to let him go regardless, but I'm just going to end up getting upset and triggered regardless of what happens. I wish it wasn't like this, I feel like such a piece of shit.