/cgl/ - Cosplay & EGL

Confession because it's been tearing me apart:

My life has really gone down the toilet the last few years, and as a result I haven't really worn lolita in what feels like forever.

Multiple members of my immediate and extended family have either died or been diagnosed with late-stage, terminal illnesses. Two of them right around the time I started my first "real" job, which was far away and stressful enough on its own. I couldn't handle everything and had a bit of a breakdown, quit, and moved home to my family, who are mostly poor. In the months after I got home, I spent what little savings I had and even had to sell most of my valuables, including ~90% of my lolita wardrobe.

I haven't been able to get a single decent paying job since then, even though I've tried in 3 different cities. Job hunting has left me feeling like a worthless idiot, and every job I do get slowly eats away at me until I physically or mentally can't take it anymore. I wouldn't be able to afford to live if it weren't for the fact that my boyfriend makes decent money and pays for our apartment. No matter how much I try to cut back, it never seems to make a difference. We already live frugally and don't eat out or buy things we don't need-- I "splurged" on a few used books and new bb cream for my birthday this year.

It probably sounds like a bunch of whining, but it really sucks to feel like I'm running on a hamster wheel all the time, getting nowhere. I've worked my ass off for the last 20 years trying to escape the fate of my family, and yet here I am. I don't even want to be rich or not have to work, I just want a professional job where I can afford food, pay my bills, go to the therapist, and have a tiny bit extra at the end of the month so that I can save up for a dress or a meet up here and there.

I don't even feel beautiful or confident enough to go out in the pieces I still own. If I really want to dress up I just put on my old favorite dress and sit in my apartment.

Had the hair stylist totally not listen to me today, and my bangs are fucked.
The worst part about it is that I've felt absolutely shitty the last couple of weeks and wanted to get a haircut to make myself feel better.

>>9419483
maybe i'm fat but last time i went to uniqlo they didn't carry my size in pants

shite oc

>>8746849