/cgl/ - Cosplay & EGL

>I'm trans, transitioned back in high school, 24 now
>Been stealth mode since I left school and moved, only a couple of close friends know
>Been cosplaying for four years because friends do it and they got me into it
>Enjoy the con and talking to people who are interested in the thing I'm cosplaying, make friends
>Plan cosplays months ahead and work hard on them
>Haven't ever been able to look at photos, they just make me want to die
>Don't feel this bad about photos outside of cosplay
>Can't work out why it makes me feel so shit but don't want to give it up because I really enjoy it but it's one of the only things that still really brings up those old horrible feelings
>Just feel like I'm going to be broken forever

I don't know what will help.