/cgl/ - Cosplay & EGL

I'm a guy who wears lolita and I've been active in my local community for two years now. Everyone loves me, they always say I'm an example of a 'non-creepy brolita' or 'brolita done right' and I'm basically the only guy they've accepted into the group (some obvious creepers try to join us every now and then but they always get shunned away). I think it has a lot to do with how mellow and relaxed I am externally, but internally I'm starting to feel messed up. I can't help but compare my features to all the girls there, my hands, shoulders, height etc. and I just feel so inferior. The trainwreck started when I started losing weight to fit into better dresses, and the constant praise and compliments made me go full eating disorder, I'm like a fucking skeleton now. I completely avoid the sun to keep my skin as pale as possible, I spend a stupid amount of time on hair and skincare, but it doesn't feel like enough, I got my facial hair lasered and I desperately want to order female hormones too but I feel like I'm losing myself to this obsession to be prettier. Plus I basically blow all my money on clothes. This fashion is practically my reason for living and I hate myself for it.

>thanksgiving dinner
>everyone is shocked and concerned by how skinny I am