/cgl/ - Cosplay & EGL

>got blackout drunk
>woke up in own bed with acquaintance/early friend on couch having very little idea of what happened after leaving party we both attended
>apparently made out repeatedly with them and confessed to having a crush on them
>when sober it's barely much of a crush, but i can only assume what i said when blackout made it sound like much more than it was
>puked all over myself (found puke on bag and all over bathroom), apparently couldn't navigate my own city, was overall a huge mess
>apologized profusely in the morning and admitted to having crush but also said it was fine if nothing came of it (which is 100% true, tbh, I'd actually rather just be friends with them the more I think about it)
>acquaintance/friend is cosplay photographer and is supposed to be shooting me and a friend at otakon
>trying to figure out if i can keep this shoot without wanting to crawl in a hole and die
>trying to figure out if i have completely ruined my chances of being friends with this person

I'm such a loser. I've only blacked out once before in my life and it wasn't fun then either. mostly i'm just full of a lot of shame and self-hate at the moment and I know it's not going to get better until I forgive myself, but I just...can't do that.