/cgl/ - Cosplay & EGL

Lolita fashion makes me care about myself
Thanks to Lolita fashion, I have a full hair and skin routine, and I've fixed my posture
It's not scary to think you look good when you're wearing Lolita because it feels like you just think the clothes look good, not yourself, it's not so cocky feeling
Also, it's forced me to become more confident and less apologetic
Over all, it's had a huge positive impact on me

>>10028087
Lolita made me appreciate myself. I was never interested on my looks but lolita made me figure out what flatters me and how to take care of myself. Because of that I definitely feel more confident.

Generally lolita has thaught me much more than just appreciating my looks. I have learnt to be critical of other people's views of me and that I don't have to live for anybody else than myself. My self esteem still sucks but I would be much worse if I hadn't gotten into lolita. I also dare stand up for myself more often than I used to.

In the other hand, lolita has made some of my problems more intense. I often still feel fat and ugly but I had these feelings before lolita too. Social media can really be tiring and make me anxious but it's easy to shut down of course. Lolita has brought so much positive content to my life it outweights easily the few more negative aspects of it.

>>10028104
Seconded!
In addition to this, it's also helped me put myself ahead of others - Not in a selfish way, per se, but in a confident, "I'm not your doormat" way - Something I've struggled with for many years. At the risk of falling into a cliche, it is actually like my armor: Whenever I'm about to head out and feel anxious, I look in the mirror before I leave the house to remind myself that I look cute as hell and have nothing to be ashamed or afraid of. It makes dealing with the world easier, in a way.
This fashion has taught me so much about myself and about people in general and I'm endlessly grateful to have discovered it when I did.
>thanks, past me

>>10028087
Lolita changed how I saw my body. I am short, and I have very thick hair and a more hourglass shape that felt too sexy no matter what I wore, but lolita changed that for me. my height makes me perfect for hemlines, and the fullness of the skirts balance out my body shape without oversexualizing it. I've taken so much more care of my skin, hair, and nails, and indulged in feminine things I always wanted to but was teased for being "too feminine".

Lolita really gave me the confidence to be myself without hiding and I can't appreciate it enough.

>>10028087
Growing up I always had very geeky hobbies and all my friends were boys which made me feel pressured to dress more boyish to fit in with them. When I became a teenager I became more interested in girly fashion, I wanted long hair and I loved reading about princesses (historical fiction). But I noticed I was treated differently by my friends when I dressed more girly (some teased me, some made a weird attempt at flirting) so I stopped. Only last year I found lolita, and fell in love with it so hard it doesn't matter my old friends might treat me differently. I've always hated jeans.

>>10028087
I've always had weird level of self-image where I don't think I'm unattractive, I just genuinely don't know what I look like and what if anything is appealing about me. I can't say that being in the fashion changed that, it just made it different. I continue to be uncertain as to whether I am cute or not, and while I think my hair is pretty nice, I don't know if anything else about me is really that suitable for Lolita. But the fashion is cute, comfortable, and makes me happy. I also enjoy the collection aspect of it and have made some very good friends through it. The only problem is that it makes me want to lose weight, even though I'm close to underweight and fit into everything I own. Not really sure why I feel that way.

While I’m forever grateful for the fashion and community for making me sometimes feel beautiful, and for being fun, the fashion really created negative body image issues. I got into the fashion a skinny, underweight preteen who fit everything. But then I became a fat highschooler and the feedback on cgl was viscious. I can say I never once thought about people being fat or skinny or that being something that applied to me until getting into this fashion.

I stopped wearing it for awhile, lost weight, and came back. But I’m still twenty pounds away from that body I had when I was 13. I feel disgusting sometimes, borderline suicidal because I’ll likely never be that thin again without starving myself. I wish I wasn’t such a weakling, and I had the strength to just stop eating.

Weight issues aside, lolita did teach me the joy of dressing for myself and not the attention of men. It also taught me how to ignore people staring at me in public. It wasn’t all bad, and the negative effects on my self image come more from the community than the fashion itself.

>>10028087
Lolita has at times helped me out of depression. Maybe its dumb to say this, but Lolita has given me something to care about and work towards, and I've learned a lot of life lessons through it.

I've learned to work hard, because working hard means more money for brand.

I've learned to budget, because if I can afford my necessities and have excessive savings, I can buy Lolita without worrying about the cost.

I've learned to be ambitious, because my life dream involves having hundreds of dresses, and having a nice home that matches my aesthetic. A lofty and frivolous dream, but I wont stop until I get there or beyond.

I've learned patience, because sometimes my dream dress is hard to find or maybe I lose an auction and have to tell myself I'll get it next time.

I've learned independence, because caring if other people think if my clothes are weird or the things I want are stupid, it wastes my time and energy and only pushes my goals back farther.

I've learned to take better care of myself and my body, because having healthy skin and hair and nails will always look better in Lolita and when you look good you feel good.

I've learned self confidence, because theres no use being timid about people staring at me if I want to wear Lolita.

I've learned self improvement, because if I'm not worthy of my clothes then I'd rather just not wear them at all.

I've learned so much, and worked so hard, taken better care of myself and tried to be a better person, and am working to a truly great and ambitious future. I've really turned my life around a lot.
And it's all because I look at silly dresses and think to myself, "Man, I just really love Lolita".

>>10028087

Lolita actually had a negative influence on my self image and self worth. I had a decent self image before it and since wearing it I only see the faults in myself. I feel ugly and unwanted in this fashion.

>>10028193
Why wear it, then? Serious question. If it doesn't make you feel cute/elegant/beautiful, what's the point?

>>10028191
I love you, anon.

haha yeah all this shit is super cool and important and im glad youre all having such a great time developing into super confident amazing people

>>10028169
Because the community's weight standards are insane? Especially for tall or stocky girls

>>10028191
This is beautfiul

>>10028199
Maybe they felt fine until someone told them otherwise.

>>10028203
Right? This thread is full of fucking lies.

>>10028208
Just because you feel differently doesn't mean it's all lies.

>>10028213
I'm not talking about me though.

I'm talking about what I've observed on this board and its not the bullshit in this thread.

>>10028208
What's the truth then? Come on

I used to be very good looking and got way too used to it. Now that I'm almost 30 and my looks are starting to fade I realise that you can get away with being a mediocre dresser if you have a pretty and youthful face and if you are exceptionally pretty your mediocre outfits will even be praised. I used to wear no makeup and the most basic shit all the time and still got praised, and today I have to try a lot harder to not receive any stupid nitpicks that are not even related to the outfit. I am kind of scared to share casual outfits because I feel like I can't meet the expectations anymore and I know that it won't get better with time.
Lolita has harmed my self-image quite a bit, I started out just for fun, but with the time passing it enabled the narcissist in me and it feels shallow and pointless being part of any community just for the approval. Thinking about making my online profiles private and going lonelita for quite some time, and I probably will at some point.

>>10028087
Lolita taught me the world is full of Jerks
And that there's no "jerk free" safe space hobby.
It made me confront this truth and then ask myself; "What level of jerk are you comfortable sharing space with?" It taught me that I DO have control in what I expose myself to but that part of that reality is there are certain aspects of human behavior we'll never escape... But that I have the power within myself to choose how it affects me. I use to wonder "Omg why are certain fandoms toxic? Where's the non-toxic subculture?!" and hope / expect the outside world shields me from negativity. Now I know it's in me to see and support positivity around myself and to ignore the things I was upset to find in the first place.

>>10028113
I feel you so much anon! It's done very similar things for me too. On the downside, the body image issues. I'm pretty healthy for a US woman but could be thinner, so maybe if lolita motivates me to work out it'll be a good thing. Though I can't do much about my intense roman nose other than surgery, and every time I see Fanny's beautiful face I feel more and more like I should get it since I feel like I have an ugly face. And it's given me a bit of a shopping addiction since I was raised in a deal-seeking family and I'm always trawling through secondhand for dream items but end up buying too much.

But in positives! I feel beautiful and unique when I wear the fashion. It's a bit arrogant, but I feel fashionably above everyone in the countryside areas I live in. The compliments I get while going out are so nice and being told I look like a model while going out and about...it really makes my day when I still feel like I'm ugly compared to a lot of facially blessed girls.

And I feel >>10028131 in that I hated being short and relatively petite before lolita since my family is all like 6' and was a total ugly tomboy before lolita. Now I happily embrace my size, since I fit almost everything, traveling in Japan was easy, and I'm so much happier with how I've grown out my hair and present myself. Makeup is a crazy life changer once you figure it out.

And it's given me a bit of a community too. Between the FB groups, the two friends I've made from my tiny ass local comm, and cgl, there's always people to talk to. Didn't have that for a while when I left my previous hobby that had a large and fun community, but I just didn't have time for the hobby anymore.

>Fujiwara teaching us that we can still wear J-fash and be elegant even after we hit 30

>>10028087
Lolita made me appreciate my natural hair texture more, which I used to be seriously insecure about having grown up in the 00s era when straighteners were everywhere. It made me happy to be average/short in height because it's perfect for brand. It (eventually) helped me to give less fucks about people staring at me or what strangers think, and to get good at responding to compliments and questions politely but without getting dragged into a conversation. Meets made me better at small talk and less of an autist. It taught me how to spot quality in clothes and buy things that would last. I think it made me overall more appreciative of aesthetic beauty in nature, beautiful objects and good colour combinations, and it forced me to get good at make-up and posing when I didn't really care about it before. It's fun to look around work or other places when I'm bored thinking about which people would suit lolita and what they'd look best in.

>downsides
It made me care about things that didn't bother me before, like avoiding sun damage, to the point where I got really unhappy when I accidentally caught a tan last year. I used to like being busty but now I hate how it makes some things fit. Like >>10028176, I got into the fashion when I was underweight and can no longer fit my first dress. Because a lot of my lolita is unshirred, minor fluctuations in weight that I wouldn't even notice before freak me out since they size me out of wearing my smaller pieces. I probably wouldn't have noticed that my waist size permanently increased by a couple of inches as I went into my 20s if I didn't own some tiny oldschool skirts. I budget OK outside of lolita but it normalised me spending huge amounts on clothes I could never have justified to myself otherwise.

>>10028222
Take a look through any lolita thread. If it doesn't become apparent then you're either blind or in denial yourself.

I don't know how to truly feel about it... I like how it hides my disgraceful body (cottage cheese pancake ass,small boobs,no hips..) and gives it a beautiful silhouette, but my face isn't something i can hide and no matter how i try to get better at makeup,it seems to look older/weirder whenever i apply some on and obviously i'm also ugly without. I also feel more pressured by aging. At 23 i already feel like i look haggard and should stop sweet.
I've always been self conscious about my weight even if it's skinny by US standards and i fit older pieces without much trouble as well but whenever my old school pieces feel snug i feel like i'm gross.
I also compare myself to other girls a lot but that's something i do out of lolita as well.

Although it made me realize i could look like what i always dreamed to look like even though i haven't been blessed with a gorgeous face (and body).

>>10028237
I’m the same as you anon. I’m 23 and I feel old, I see under eye lines and nasolabial folds forming. I have no tits, no ass, and I have a disgusting fridge body so lolita helps me hide. I feel good in the fashion, but aren’t I just using it to hide?

>>10028236
Maybe you just focus on the negatives. Not to say that this board is sunshine and rainbows but I gloss over the shitposts and petty drama, and I see plenty of discussion about the fashion and gulls helping each other out in the general, coord help threads, stupid question threads, and so on.

>>10028252
The most active threads are the ones where ppl are shit on. Not hard to see this as negative.

>>10028236
If everyone hated lolita that much, why would anyone wear it? There are other, far more affordavle communities to get a drama fix.

>>10028240
That's how i feel.
I might be way too harsh on myself because according to my family,friends and girlfriend i look amazing and cute and i have a nice body even though it's average.
I actually feel worse in lolita than in normie-r clothes because it attracts more attention and since i'm anxious it makes me feel even worse and "uglier".
At home i just feel so pretty and confident but if i go outside after a few minutes my confidence fades away

>>10028258
Again, that sounds like a you problem. Maybe if you stopped looking in the ita thread you'll see that not everyone is here to stir shit.

>>10028258
The thread is asking about how the fashion makes you feel, not how the community makes you feel. It's entirely possible to wear the fashion and not partake in drama. There's literally nothing you can do in this world that doesn't come with the baggage of some bad apples. Are you really so self-absorbed that you can't consider that maybe, just maybe, there are girls on this board that wear lolita because they love how it looks and it makes them feel powerful?

>>10028221
>>10028258
Imagine, /cgl/ being a board full of individual people with different thoughts, feelings, and experiences who are consequently drawn to different types of threads and make different types of posts....

Impossible. /cgl/ is a hivemind of people that all have the same negative thoughts and all gravitate to the same threads and say the same shit day after day. We are the borg.

Thinking of us as being anything else is ridiculous!

>>10028237 >>10028240
Maybe one way to look at it is to think historically. Lolita is based on Victorian fashion and if you look back at old photo plates there are lots of women who don't have ideal facial features; but they still look beautiful in the clothes of the time because the clothing was beautiful and did make them look more beautiful.

>>10028240
>Nasolabial folds
Nice one, anon

>>10028269
The community is part of the fashion. You can both feel good wearing it but hate the salt that some people give you for it. Just like how you can hate the attention you get or the pictures from randoms.

>>10028286
Of course you can. No one said otherwise. And no, a lonelita does not have to be part of any community. I can collect pokemon cards without being part of the pokemon community.

I have terrible self esteem. It has gotten better in the last few years but it's still pretty low. However, I would largely attribute the improvement to lolita.

Like many others in the thread, I have improved my self-care routine and started to play less attention about what others think of me.

I am happy I got into the fashion overall. However my impulsive buying problem has gotten worse...

>>10028262
This + I feel that lolita makes me look extra bulky as I walk. I've never been looking too elegant while walking even in casual clothes. A lot of people told me I look like a soldier, because I run fast and move my hands too intensly. When I wear voluminous clothes, it feels like my petti gets messed with my legs, my walk looks extra awkward and everyone makes fun at me.

>>10028087
Lolita makes me feel beautiful, because I realize my beauty ideals come from my childhood storybooks and dolls, which all featured the victorian and rococo motifs that inspire the fashion.
Head-to-toe details galor, lace, curls, big skirts, ribbons, dainty shoes...I was ambling towards these things even before I officially found lolita the full-on subculture. I found bits and pieces of what I didn't know was gothic lolita through a U.K. gothic clothing site.

Lolita is definitely part of my self care, but I also feel like I give to the world around me when I step out in it. People love the whimsy and the wackiness of it. It makes folks smile and seems to invigorate them. Older women ask me to twirl sometimes. I always make a warm new acquaintance when I'm in lolita, and it feels good to relate to others through this hobby of mine.

Alternatively, being a seagull has been rough on the esteem at times, and I constantly battle with becoming a judgey salt mine that hates my weight. I am a lonelita though so hopefully one day I can live in a bigger town and be part of a comm and get some in-person lolita interaction and real perspective.
I used to not be as insecure about my fat. Now i'm trying to lose weight and it isn't even for me, it's for other people. I should probably talk to a professional about this before this gets out of hand, God forbid.

>tl;dr lolita is the best thing ever and makes me feel like the beautiful maiden I want to be, but /cgl/ culture has exploded some insecurities and sometimes mucks the positives?

>>10028285
nayrt, but all memes aside, they really are the bane of young faces and they’re impossible to work around, unlike blemishes or eyebrows. They just hold your looks back. They’re really relevant in lolita because they can ruin baby faces that work so well in the fashion.

i always had a bad self image issue, i had eating disorders growing up and everyone always preyed on the fact i felt masculine and made fun of me for it. for the longest time i was only allowed to wear pants and tshirts so being an adult and being able to dress myself and wear stuff that makes me not feel dysphoric has been so wonderful. it also helps with my gender dysphoria too honestly! as a nonbinary fem, my ruffles have brought me more confidence and a better overall self image of myself. now I'm unapologetically a high femme, i look cute, i feel cute, and i'm happy for the first time in my life

>>10028327
>They’re really relevant in lolita because they can ruin baby faces that work so well in the fashion.
Unless you're into the subversive aspect of the fashion and wear whatever substyle you like regardless. Few things are more subversive than wearing sweet in your 30s, especially if you don't look as young anymore, because you love it and you don't care for people's opinions within the fashion or otherwise.

Lolita motivated me to finally lose the extra 30 pounds I had been carrying around throughout college, and keep it off. So yeah I would say it has helped my self image in that respect. It also motivates me to get dressed, put on a bit of makeup, and fix my hair every day despite crippling depression, so another self esteem boost from that.

On the other hand, my SO claims to be "accepting" of it but is actually embarrassed to be seen in public with me when I wear it, which has definitely hurt my self esteem because I basically can only wear it at home now when I used to wear it everywhere all the time. (I've complained about him before on here).

But then again, I'm also having an affair with a super hot metalhead with nice abs who loves lolita and isn't embarrassed by me in the slightest, so joke's on SO I guess.

>>10028087
It's mixed. I have paid more attention to how I look, and I try to take better care of myself. But it's also made me extremely conscious of how short and boxy I am. Part of it is being overweight. Part of it is knowing that no matter how much weight I lose, hats will never fit my large head, rings and bracelets don't squeeze over my wide hands and fingers, and on top of that I've become hyper aware of my fingers being shorter than average too. I know 'big boned' is an excuse fat people use, but I literally have wide feet sizing, wide hips, a thick skull, and wide fingers/hands. Lolita kind of makes me hate my self image, even though I love the fashion so so much. But I suppose cosplay and normie fashion was already pushing me in that direction anyway. My only grace is I've got almost no tits, so as I lose the weight dresses will fit me better. I just feel like a troll sometimes though.

>>10028337
I also have a wider frame and I promise you that losing weight will help all of those things fit (except for hats). The fat will come off as you lose weight, even on the "bony" feeling areas you don't think have much fat like your ribcage. I used to be fat, so I know

>>10028226
Most lolitas are doing fine without participating in the online community. My local comm has over 20 active members and I've only seen 3 of them share coords online.

>>10028335
>having an affair
you're gross and I hope he burns all of your brand you disgusting whore.
Sorry you can't get over your SO being embarassed that you probably dress like a giant toddler or something but cheating is just plain disgusting.

>>10028335
You fucking deserve to have a shitty SO that makes you feel like shit and hurts your self esteem. Doesn't matter how physically attractive you are, you're a disgusting piece of shit.

>>10028191
This gave me good feels

When I was younger I used to get made fun of for being so short and skinny. I also have a baby face and I'm often mistaken for being much younger than I actually am. I found myself getting angry trying to fit into normal fashion because everything is made for tall people and I look wrong in sexier fashions. Lolita made me feel like I found something that was made for me. It's the only time I really feel cute, even though I know I'm not actually attractive. When I wear it I can look in the mirror and actually like myself a little.

>>10028282
that's a very sweet way of seeing it anon.
t. classic lolita who adore the victorian era

>>10028335
if it's even true i hope you'll get double dumped that's all you deserve

>>10028341
Thank you, this is encouraging. I've lost 5 lbs so far in the past month, but the coming holidays are super daunting and I've got to steel myself to make it through them. It always ruins my progress.

I'm mourning so many hats, though.

>>10028335
I was on board until the cheating. Shame on you, anon.

>>10028353
>hypocritical maleposter strikes again
nayrt but the majority of y'all are whores so.

I am not down with cheating in the slightest but your post was ott af

Lolita helped me lose weight, improve my appearance overall etc, but most of all the "lolita lifestyle" I adopted has had a huge impact on my life.

A big part of my beginnings in Lolita was discovering The Princess Portal many years ago. I know a lot of people have various opinions of it, and that's completely fine. Looking back, a lot of the stuff is maybe silly compared to how we view the fashion now, but it inspired me hugely. I started to feel like it was worth being good to myself, treating myself special, like a "princess", whatever that may mean to anyone.
I don't live surrounded by fresh flowers and porcelain dolls, but I started to really care about myself. I made time to do nice things. I was a loner so I'd often feel like complete shit because I didn't have friends to do things with, so I started doing things on my own instead of wishing and upsetting myself. I plucked up the courage to go to cool museum exhibits, the cinema, shopping, all alone. It was liberating.
I'd take time once a week to wear something nice, make a pot of tea, have it from a nice teacup, and have a dainty breakfast or lunch. I know it sounds silly, but I'd never done anything like that for myself before. I never thought it was worth the effort. It made me feel really special.
It wasn't all rainbows, I still suffered from anxiety and depression and couldn't always do nice things, but it broke the clouds a little, just enough.

I just started willing myself to do nice things for myself. I'm not saying I'd still be helplessly depressed if I'd never found the fashion, but it definitely helped.

This was all before joining a community, and since I joined a community it's just gotten better and better. I've made so many friends who I never would've met otherwise, casual friends and close, lifelong friends. They are some of the greatest gifts this fashion could ever have given me.

Before lolita, I was fairly lame. I didn't care about how I looked, or how I smelled, or what others thought of me. I believed I was destined to be mediocre and not worth anyone's attention.

When I found lolita, I started to take care of myself and I established a hygiene and beauty routine. My hair looks better, and my skin is clear. I know how to do makeup and how to pick good products.

I realized that I am a good height and shape, and I have been working on toning my body for better mobility. I have lost 50lbs so far, and I would like to lose 15 more through exercise. I do have problems seeing myself as attractive with the extra weight I am still carrying, but when I'm dressed up, I'm cute!

My lolita purchasing experience has helped me to build a decent normie wardrobe with good quality clothing that suits my body. No more bad fast fashion fabrics, and no more ill-fitting pants and tops.

With people noticing me, and people wanting to be my friend, I have become more confident. I am no longer the strange, reclusive kid; I have realized that I am able to talk to others and make friends easily.

Lolita has made me critical of how I treat others, too. I still dislike repugnant perma-itas, though I am more thoughtful about how much effort I put in to criticizing them. I am getting better at handling "ugly thoughts" and noticing when I am feeling sour and judgy for no good reason.

Overall, lolita gave me a toolkit of skills that has improved my whole life.

>>10028380
I'm a girl but aight senpai.
>majority of y'all are whores
Explain. If you're talking about those idiots talking about whoring themselves out for cosplay or brand 80% of them are memeing and the 20% left lacks serious self respect.

If you cheat you are absolute scum. And you deserve bad things for being a bad person no matter how ott this might make me look that's just how i think desu.

>>10028169
>don't think I'm unattractive, I just genuinely don't know what I look like and what if anything is appealing
Same

>>10028207
Exactly. I never questioned it before. I felt fine how I was but the regulations of this fashion and the online community has made my image plummet. I still wear it because I enjoy the fashion in general and recognize this newfound self hatred is a personal problem unrelated to the clothes themselves.

>>10028381
This is really sweet, I am really happy especially for the little things like tea and a nice lunch for yourself. I used to hate cooking and not see the point, but take joy in baking now, when I make things for myself I wouldn't get to have otherwise. I don't think it's silly at all. It's important to treat yourself right.

>>10028258
Yeah, because there's no community outside of this board and the fashion doesn't exist outside of the internet. People have different experiences with lolita than just this and I hope someday you do too.

>>10028087
Well, outside of lolita I still generally don't look great. I try to wear good quality clothing that fits me though, and don't buy fast fashion. But, I've tried to take better care of my hair at least.

This is shameful but I used to have awful acne, and what actually motivated me to get rid of it was a crush on some dude. I took medication to get rid of it, and now my skincare routine is to keep it from coming back.

In work I look pretty mediocre, just jeans and shirts, sometimes mildly frilly blouses but not lolita ones. I'm thinking now that maybe I will try to wear more otome-inspired stuff to work (retail).

Regarding my body image, I'm tallish (178cm/5'10") and never had a problem with that, but it's annoying for fitting into lolita. I hover between 130 and 140lbs, and still have difficulty fitting into things. Lolita is the only reason I've ever actually avoided putting on weight. Sometimes I've needed to put on weight for health when I've been skinny. Lolita is the only reason I've ever felt 'fat' at 130lbs and 5'10".

But overall it makes me feel prettier, better about myself, more feminine. I never really felt feminine outside of lolita, always this kind of butch person, the one who carries heavy things for others, opens jars, reaches things on shelves. Before I grew my hair for lolita, people couldn't tell if I was male or female, and I didn't care. I still don't think I would care if someone mistook me for a man, but now at least I can take some joy in looking feminine and pretty.

This is probably going to be a ramble. I met one of my best friends through lolita, and I'd never give it up for the world. I love the way it makes me feel when I wear it, like I'm actually feminine and fierce as all fuck. I've learned how to make jewellery and style wigs and create accessories, it's done so much good for me.

But there have been some negative aspects. No matter how much weight I lose I'll always be too tall. Like other anons in this thread, I got into it when I was a skelly teen, and it's hard to come to terms with the fact that I don't have that body type anymore.
I always think 'well if I was wearing normie stuff right now, I wouldn't be too tall,' but that's not true - I'm still not the right height for things to fall as they should on me. Lolita kind of helped with that feeling, even though I began to hate my height a couple of years ago because of it -- earlier this year I just kind of thought, fuck it, I'm going to wear what I like, regardless of whatever people think. It's the same mantra I use when people think I'm weird for wearing lolita, so by that extension I shouldn't care whether someone wearing the same fashion as me thinks I'm weird. Either no one's opinions matter or everyone's opinions matter, and I prefer living by the former.
Also, baby and aatp's low waist cuts actually look great on me, I'm proud to say. Fuck it, everyone should be able to admit when they look good!
It's made me way more ballsy, probably a wee bit too ballsy, but I'd rather be able to stand up for myself than not.

tl;dr to my weird rant: I love lolita and I love being a lanky weirdo in frills

>>10028327
Ok seriously, even kids have nasolabial folds. They really don't matter that much unless you look like you're thinking negative thoughts and worrying.

Seriously, I think one of the biggest factors in looking "young" is just coming off as a positive person. No one cares about wrinkles or folds if you're smiling, happy, and friendly.

>positives
As someone that’s always been interested in art and design but had no direction, since gaining an interest in lolita and fashion in general I really feel like I found myself. I used to give zero shits about my appearance but now know the strengths in my small size and appearance. I used to dream of being tall and sexy because that’s what’s desired in the west, but now being called “elvish” or “cute” or being told I have tiny hands feels good.
>negatives
I never had an issue with my weight until I got into lolita. I’ve always been average weight with a high metabolism and I consider myself extremely lucky to have never been actually overweight, but it’s just not enough for me anymore. I don’t even have a particularly large bust but I’m still regularly susceptible to boobloaf and nearly all my weight gets put on at my hips, thighs and lower stomach, not even my ass :( I started doing dance for excercise and it hasn’t done much rather than ruin my waistline by strengthening the muscles there. I feel like I’m on the verge of anorexia. Also I hate how my bitch ass genetics gave me a long nose, minimal chin and thin hair

Lolita made me feel miserable. Idk if it’s either femininity or the fact it looks childish to a lot of people, I don’t feel people treat me serious. They rather see me as some kind of cute little girl that must listen to whatever adults say.

>>10028229
>body image issues

Ayrt, i did have some when i started. I worried i wasnt thin enough, and in the last 3 years ive went from a 90cm bust to 95, 70 cm waist to 75. But at the same time, I have a fully brand wardrobe I’m so incredibly proud of and happy with. I realize im not skinny by any stretch of the imagination, but lolita has made me more mindful of healthy eating and wearing things that fit and flatter my body type.

I get genuinely sad when people say they are too big when really theyre a healthy size, maybe a little softer than that, but not massive. I wish we didnt equate lolita to a stick thin curveless figure, but i also feel thats only thought by those not super involved with the fashion yet. Thats an outsiders point of view

>>10028357
Same as me anon. Even now, I get mistaken as a middle schooler and being short doesn’t help. I’m glad lolita makes you like yourself - even if it’s by a little.

>>10028169
>I don't think I'm unattractive, I just genuinely don't know what I look like and what if anything is appealing
>I continue to be uncertain as to whether I am cute or not
>while I think my hair is pretty nice, I don't know if anything else about me is really that suitable for Lolita
Damn, you put into words how I feel. Whenever I try to explain to people that I don't know what I look like, people look at me like I have three heads. I look into the mirror and see my face, but I have no idea if it's attractive or not. In one second of looking at myself I can watch my face go from pretty cute to Mexican maid lady, to cute, to weird old cat lady. Even now, it's hard to put into words, but yeah, the best way I can explain it is that I can't figure out how I look or how clothes look on me.

>>10028774
That's all your fault , anon.

>>10028774
You should add a devil may care attitude to your coords

>>10028801
I'm the same way. I really miss being able to buy at physical shops because I used to rely a lot on trying something on and asking the staff and a friend how it looks on me.

I think lolita has definitely helped my self-image. I have terrible acne and proper makeup has taken me from hating pictures to wanting them taken. It's also allowed me appreciate being short and having feminine features (I'm a guy). I really never cared about fashion until I got into EGL either, now I've learned the joys of making a coord. I've been blessed with a good comm and made a few friends. I maintain a small social media presence with other lolitas/oujis and everyone's very nice, which is a good self-esteem boost. More than anything lolita lets me be myself instead of pretending to be a normie.

I criticize my looks constantly but since getting into lolita that has gotten worse. I’m constantly worried if I’m too tall, too fat, unnattractive in general since getting into it and I’m in the process of losing weight (which is v stressful) so I can fit pieces better and feel dainty and elegant but besides that I love this fashion so much and when I wear lolita I truly feel like this is who I really am and that my personality matches my outward appearance.

>>10028335
Anon, if you feel the need to cheat, then you are obviously not happy with your SO, and you need to just end it with him. Even if he's embarrassed of going into public with you, being in a relationship with him at least entitles him to some respect and honesty. You'd want the same from him. Maybe he doesn't give you the respect and honesty YOU deserve - all the more reason to end it with him.

I don't mean to lecture because you're a grown-ass adult, but it's unfair to both of you, both to deprive yourself of someone who will enjoy being in public with you when you're in Lolita, because it's important to you, and to deprive him of being honest and straightforward about the situation.

I dont know what your aim is, or if you're hoping that he'll catch you cheating so you have an excuse to break up, but I think you're better than this. I'm sorry about your depression...I hope things get better for you.

>>10028252
>gulls helping each other out in the general
Calling someone a new fag is soooo helpful

>>10028270
Enough with your "not me" horse shit. I never said anything about this place being a hivemind. Just that the lolita side of the board I've seen the past 3 years is nothing like the happy go lucky BS at the beginning of this thread. Sorry but I don't believe the girls who post here are actually happy with their lives and ok with themselves. I've met the types that come to this board and this site in general. There's something off about them. Aside from the people larping here, its mostly inept individuals with inflated egos.

>>10028434
I feel the same way anon. I hate the online community so much but I just can't look away.

>>10028930
>I never said anything about this place being a hivemind
No but you did just say that everyone that comes here is "inept" and has an "inflated ego". Some anons are like this, obviously, and they're also the ones who continuously post memes like
>lurk moar newfag
>sorry you got posted
etc., they're not the ones who actually contribute to healthy discussions, which do happen here, believe it or not.
But again, this is what you choose to see, and if anything it says a lot about you than anyone else who's been posting in this thread. Why do you keep coming here if you hate it so much?

>>10028930
It's mostly bitter fucks like you that contribute to how awful this board can be. You're probably one of those anons that constantly shit on other people because you're unhappy with yourself, and therefore see this board as a safehaven for autists like you. So when you see people here enjoying themselves and having a generally positive experience, it flies in the face of your perception of the board and the normalicy of your behaviour in general.

>>10028252
>>10028236
>>10028930

I don’t really know to feel about this, since I feel like I’ve improved with the help of those threads. I just look at all the things other people are doing wrong, and make sure I don’t repeat those mistakes.

I mean, sure, clearing your acne or losing weight is something you gotta work towards, and nothing really fixes unfortunate genetic lottery. But most of the girls that end up being shat on in those threads don’t actually look genetically ugly. They end up there because they’re wearing ugly or mismatched things, have bad grooming skills, don’t fit their clothes, or are fat. And most of these things are fixable, although losing weight does take a longer time to fix than others.

I find hugboxes to be downright detrimental. Like I could put on a dress and if nobody tells me it’s ugly I don’t know if I actually look okay or they’re just being politically correct? I always feel deep down they think it’s ugly, they just don’t tell me. So it doesn’t help with sparing my feelings and I never really get better at not looking like a walking disaster.

So yes, lolita did pretty much help me dress better, take better care of myself and feel better that I take better care of myself. I don’t think that’s completely at odds with the ita thread existing.

>>10028930
you're so friggin sensitive. get over yourself.
you're literally whining about trolls who hurt your feelings. If your skin is this thin maybe don't visit 4chan? like, this place isn't that important that you need to subject yourself to us meanies.
it's your choice.

>>10028910
honestly the best way to cope with that is making sure you're wearing pieces that flatter your current figure. i use a loose corset and/or chest binder to get the proper silhouette, but otherwise this is just a fashion. there shouldn't be horrible pressure on you to change yourself for a dress, just change the dress for your body type

>>10028935
I'd love to see examples of the pleasant conversations you're referencing. Like outside of the b/s/t and dream dress threads and even those threads are filled with trolls and shit stirrers. I'm glad you can be positive and see things in an optimistic light but at the same time you're overlooking all the negativity which outweighs the positive on this board.

>>10028936
>for autists like you.
Hmm, no. I also never accuse people of being autistic when that's literally not something you can tell from talking to anonymous strangers. But you just keep on memeing because my observation bothered you. Can't think of any other reason you'd hop on the typical autism 4chan insult. Are you sure you don't shit up the board by calling people autists??

>>10028971
I think you could have probably learned those things without negativity just the same. That's all I'm saying. I'm glad for you though.

Hopefully you're also a better person mentally now and realize you don't need unnecessary criticism in your life.

>>10029230
I don't even know what you're talking about to the point where I'm not even sure if you meant to reply to me. No one hurt my feelings. I do know some girls who come to this board and there is really no other way to describe it other than something is off about them. I really can't say much more with out giving away who they are which is why I'm not going into detail. But it had nothing to do with me. I just met them and was nice to them. Now I don't hang out with them. Has nothing to do with me being sensitive. No idea why you assume this.

I'd say lolita has brought both negative and positive things into my life, but mostly positive really.

The negative part is that it has made me very self conscious of my appearance. I've always been on the chubbier side but I never cared much about it until I got into lolita. Sometimes I just feel like I'm too big for this fashion even if I'm not even plus size in western sizes and it sucks. I'm not saying I can't find things that fit, most of my wardrobe is brand, but I just feel like I don't look nearly as good as skinnier lolitas. It doesn't help that I've been stress eating and gaining weight recently, it makes me feel so gross and I have a fear that I might grow so big someday I actually wont fit my brand pieces. It probably sounds dumb as fuck but its my biggest issue with lolita really.

Other than that and the reason why I fear outgrowing my lolita pieces so much is because I fucking love this fashion. Even if it makes me feel self conscious from time to time, when I look at myself at a mirror in a full coord I feel so special and elegant like no other clothing piece could make me feel. I just love covering my surroundings of cute, sweet, and beautiful things, and for me this fashion is one of the most beautiful things I have ever found and I am so grateful that I am able to partake in it. It has made me grow a huge appreciation for more historical fashion styles, and ignited my love for Rococo art and aesthetics. It has also empowered me to try new things and do the things that I want and not what everyone else expects of me. Sure I still get nervous when I go out in frills but once I'm outside I become more confident and sure of myself.

I was an anachan when I started Lolita so I fit perfectly into everything I wanted.

Now I’m finally at a normal weight and I hate it because I get boobloaf and I despise my thicker thighs because I’m 5’8” and I think it just makes my AP shit look like ageplay. I still love and adore sweet but I hate the way I look in it in terms of body shape—though I love everything else.

I’m thinking of trying more “elegant” styles in brands with longer waists (because of my height/boobs, the waist of all my beloved 2010 era AP hits me like two inches above my actual waist). I just think that as much as I love super sweet shit it’s not meant for me.

>>10028222
NAYRT, yall so damn catty on this damn site. It's clear most lolitas have insecurities that cause them to want to talk shit about other people constantly.

>>10029450
Nayrt, but handmade threads and even draw threads are quite positive. Self post threads and waywt threads used to be quite good, but now we rarely have them. Just hide the bad threads, that's what I do.

This thread made me want to wear lolita so bad, but I have work today. Thanks, anons, I'll wear it on my next day off for sure!

I'm not a lolita, but I wear a variety of other jfashion styles like fairy kei, himekaji, etc.

I started wearing these styles in high school. I am 5'2" and have remained in the same ball park throughout my life in terms of weight (110-114 lbs) and I won't lie, I really didn't think too much about how my body looked until I started wanting to buy brand. I had this desire to finally step into the jfashion community after being an outsider admiring other people for so long.

I'm a college student now, and I can say jfashion has been both positive and detrimental to my mental health at the same time. I definitely take better care of myself than I have for most of my life. I exercise several times a week, and I'm very critical about what I eat. However, it's left me feeling paranoid about how my body appears, and it's gotten to the point that I avoid scales because I dread seeing whatever number pops up when I stand on them. The rational side of my brain says it's not that big of a deal and I'm being stupid. I know I'm not a landwhale and am at the average healthy weight and shape for my height, but it can be defeating when a skirt that fit me just right one week feels a little snug the next. Am I going to go full anachan for the clothes? No, but I still feel envy seeing girls more petite than I am looking better in the styles I like (although looking good is subjective, being a little heavier or skinnier doesn't influence your ability to coord). Despite everything, I could never give up wearing jfashion as it's become a pretty integral part of my identity.

>>10029450

I hate to say it, but while I’ve read all the newbie guides on how to dress, nothing really beats seeing someone doing it wrong and realising it does look like shit. Or seeing someone do all the right things and still look like shit and then some anon comes along and explains it (maybe you don’t count this as a positive interaction, but I find it useful to analyze why a coord doesn’t work so I can learn from it)

Plus there’s all the times itas themselves come into threads and despite being told it’s futile to pick a fight (again, another interaction I count as positive, as this is often solid advice), start arguing that they aren’t ita — and meanwhile their picture is right there, most times they do indeed look like bad. That’s when I realised (a)no one cares for excuses, (b)you can’t argue you’re pretty when you’re ugly, not when your photo is right there, (c)you’re not actually “fighting back” the bullies, you just look like an insane dumbass deep in denial, especially when all the flaws are fixable things like better shoes or better makeup or something. These aren’t things you can learn from a guide, you realise it when you see someone actually fuck up in a thread meltdown.

As for being in a better place mentally, I’ve had people pick on my shoes for being ugly, but I acknowledge that, yeah, some of my orthopedic shoes are indeed ugly as fuck, and I don’t spend that much of my life obssessing over anons who took five seconds to comment “ugly shoes”. I don’t know if that’s being “a better person mentally now” or “unnecessary criticism”, it’s just seeing so many breakdowns on the ita thread I realise it’s kinda pointless and easier to let it pass.

I do wish the itas the best, but having seen some of the bullheaded ones, I don’t know, sometimes it's their own bed and you can't help them, only learn from their mistakes. Other times it's nice to see people actually improve after being posted.

I got fatter after discovering lolita. I can kinda see why it was/is a fat girl fashion in Japan - I might be an XS in the West because I have a relatively small frame, but I'm a M-L in most East Asian countries and lolita is pretty forgiving compared to fitted skirts and jeans when you gain 3-4kg. Thankfully I discovered it as an adult so I'm not having any crises of not being in my 14-year-old body, but it's not great for my waistline. I still love it though - Japanese alt-fashion was one of the first times I saw street fashion that I felt I could actually copy because it was on body types that looked a bit like mine.

>>10029450
> I think you could have probably learned those things without negativity just the same. That's all I'm saying. I'm glad for you though.

Moreover it’s not like everyone needs to be improved. People might do a couple of coords, then drop it all and sell everything out. Is it so necessary to force them?

>>10029600
I agree. The ita thread taught me how to coordinate. When I was a noob I went through every pic until I could consistently figure out what was wrong with each one (or what wasn't).

>>10029602

lmao how are anons forcing randoms to improve? If you want to improve, then improve. If you only want to do two coords, sell everything and leave, then do your two coords, sell everything and leave. What's stopping you, the imaginary 4chan lolita police at your doorstep?

>>10029532
I really do mean how the people are here and how they act. Yes there is positive stuff on the board but it is few and far between. There are a lot of people coming here who aren't just trolling. They're just people who are off mentally. And they really are lolitas that go to meet ups.
I have every reason to be skeptical of the positive stuff posted on 4chan cause this site is built off lies. Its one of the many negative past times that anons love so much.

>>10029600
>you just look like an insane dumbass deep in denial
Dear God anon... you let larpers and trolls who only know how to call something they don't like "cheap" invade your brain and now you're a better lolita?

Yea man. You are deeply insane.

>>10029721
Okay, but what makes you think the experiences and feelings posted in this thread are all lies? As was said upthread, the fashion exists outside of the internet and I have no doubt that it's had a positive influence on the girls posting in this thread, as it has for me.

>>10029721
If you only look for the negative in life, that's all that you'll find. Try hiding the negative threads anon. It also helps to ignore bait, but gulls have a hard time with this.

>>10029729
You're being baited, stupid.

>>10029458
A lot of normal weight girls look super cute in AP, even at your height or taller. desu, super huge skirts look silly with stick legs underneath, it looks best with normal (not fat) legs. I say this as an anachan so...

>>10029894
this,and slightly chubby girls are adorable in sweet (not overweight,just on the bigger end of average weight)

>>10029454
Reading this made me feel bitter sweet happy. I wish you the best anon.

>am writing this from my psychiatrist's waiting room
I had to pull out of Lolita around 2012 because along with my then mostly untreated mental illnesses and anorexia it was really affecting my self image (especially body-wise) negatively. I'd obsess over becoming thin(ner than I already was), over being perfect and pretty, over how others in my comm would percieve me.
In the years since I've gotten on meds, done several years of therapy and this spring gone inpatient for three months. Now that I am much more stable, I'm beginning to dip my toe into it again, very careful about what content I consume etc so it doesn't affect me negatively again. It's still a struggle not to slip back into old habits but I'm taking my time and taking care of myself.

>Positives

I feel great about my clothes. Coming into it from the Goth side of things makes me feel a lot fancier than whatever band tee i could through on before i left the house. Wearing all black has also been an excuse to keep from learning how to match and coord clothes well. Since I've gotten into Lolita and Aristo, I've found it helps me feel and look better even in my Trad Goth outfits. The fashion also gives me an opportunity to make friends. I'm content working at getting a good wardrobe together before i actually talk with anyone in a comm, but I like knowing that once I'm better I can have people to talk with about skirt releases and if a shirt if work buying or not

>Negatives

I never considered myself fat before getting into this fashion. I'm average, if a tad chubby, in the west and now i'm so preoccupied about loosing weight (often ineffectually) that it's started eating other parts of my personality. I hardly feel like I can cook any more despite the feeling that it was the one thing I was good at. I'm also one of those people with self control problems, meaning i'm always out of money when i see something I like and get frustrated when I can't afford it. I admit it's my fault, but it's still a damper on my day. I also keep buying clothes despite having more than enough normie clothes already.

>>10028337
You can always try attaching a ribbon to the inside of the hat and tying hte ribbon under your chin of at the nape of your neck. If your outfit doesn't work with a visible ribbon all you have to do is slide it under your hair. or put your hat on as part of your hair styling so you can work around it.
-a hat loving anon

>>10028335
>cheating
Just dump him and be done with it.

>>10028191
you and Telephone-can are the best part of the lolita half of CGL desu.

>>10028774
Join me in Aristo, it's a more mature look and helps with getting more respect.

>>10033624
Honestly stop looking at /cgl/. If you are vulnerable this isn't someplace you should be. Post to FB where it's all positive or LJ where no one will even notice you posting

>>10033680
Nah, I know which threads not to look at and that I can just turn off the computer if anything gets to me. It's exposure therapy lite.

>>10033698
As someone who went through similar things,i feel you anon, you can make it! I'm sure you'll be a very pretty lolita and that you are pretty as it is. Keep on working on yourself,it pays off

Without well coordinated pretty clothes on I just feel like a very unsightly, awkward body. My posture is not great and the same goes for my face and hair, but apart from this I think lolita fashion suits me (most clothes suits me though, I'm thin). I genuinely enjoy the fashion but sometimes I think without clothes I wouldn't have self esteem at all.

>>10028087
If nothing else, I've become a better seamstress. That alone has made it all worth it.

>>10028774
>>10028774
Serious question: do you guys dress in the style outside of your personal life/events? I'm into J-fashion, but never bring it into my professional life because it would affect others opinions of me, doing well at my job is what allows em to pursue it in the first place so I'd never do anything that would cause higher ups to look down on me. I was into Lolita in 2006-2010 but would only dress up for events, I was a teenager back then and handmade everything so it was a little different.

>>10035531
I'm so glad I'm self employed

>>10035593
woa girl that sounds like a dream, show us your purple card and your new lamborghini hon! #bossbabe

>>10035645
Now I'm less glad I'm self employed because it led me to you and your comment

>>10035531
I've worn it to a few jobs before. The place I'm at right now would be totally fine with it, I've just been too lazy and don't have much that works for daily wear anymore. Sold all of my sweet and basically have to start over from scratch lmfao rip.

The places I've worked at that allow it though are creative jobs ie costume shops and fashion stores, so. I do hear of some lolitas who wear really toned down lolita to company meetings etc but you don't hear of it very often.

>>10028353
Imagine being this mad about other people’s lives. If a man berates you, you owe him nothing. She’s probably prepping to leave.
Enjoy being undesirable
>>10028335
Leave him as soon as you can. A man embarrassed to be seen with you doesn’t deserve you. You have to treat your presence as a privilege, not a right.
But also affairs are bad, fix your shit girl.

As for me, lolita made me feel more like myself/ more like who I’m supposed to be. I had always been super feminine growing up, which always felt in direct contrast to my nerdy/otherwise non-feminine interests. Lolita makes me feel like I can have it all; I can look and feel like a princess while blasting metal on the way to my job as a software dev and still reasonably fit the spirit of the fashion.
Lolitas, at least in my corner of the world, also seem to be relatively better-adjusted than the cosplay community. It’s nice feeling like I’m hanging out with other adults rather than people continually somehow having crisis after crisis. That is most likely regional, however; a lot of the cosplay community up here are uwu tumblr types. A lot of my lolita friends also use /cgl; it’s just fun to laugh at the drama from afar.

As for self image; I’ve felt like I have to strive to match the clothes that I love so much. I’ve always been tall, but petite and my tastes (unshirred older classic brands) are a good barometer to keep my weight in check. Lolita did give me the final push I needed to get a breast reduction that I had been contemplating for nearly a decade of shoulder pain, so that was also nice. My biggest insecurity at the moment is my hair; I have a lot of it but it’s pretty straight and it’s a challenge to get the volume I’d like with it as a result.

>>10036106
Ntayrt but why are you defending having an affair?

>>10035531

I feel like if you actually wore jfashion like you say, you wouldn't actually need an answer to this question.

>>10028335
Rip the bandaid off, coward. Cheating is un-kawaii.

>>10035531
No, because work involves body fluids and is in a medical laboratory. My coworkers who know about it don't seem to look down on me for it.

>>10028087
Not a lolita but a nanchatte, and years of cgl and seeing nanchatte irl here in japan has made me feel fat and like I’m made of cottage cheese. My tits are sagging and my face is lumpy and my nasal labial lines will never go away. I look different in every picture and constantly ask my friend which one looks like me irl.