/cgl/ - Cosplay & EGL

New lonk to the 420frill discord? Link didn't work last thread.

I'm kind of tired of being in my comm. Its not really the comm itself, maybe I'm just getting old. Im only 25. I work all week long and only have the weekends to hang with my kid, I feel bad/sad when I loose out on one of my days with her for a meetup since I have so little time with her and I'm not interest in momlita meetups because the other moms in my comm with kids around the same age as mine are obnoxious as fuck, weeby, and ridiculously immature even though they are in their 30s. Maybe I should just stick to having private meets with the close friends I've made in my comm who like my kid.
Not just that but we've had a big influx of new members who are between 17-21 and I am having a hard time to connect to them. They don't seem to have any concept of being an adult? I'm not sure how to describe it.

Anyone else feel disconnected to their comm? I use to be super active and I'm just not really feeling it anymore. I still wear lolita on weekends and date nights but the more time passes the more I'm content not interacting in the comm except for the occasional big meet like ILD

Sorry for the blog post I just wasn't sure where else to put this

Do other comms have some unspoken rule about liking each other's COF posts? I notice that any time a member of my comm posts to COF every other active member likes it, even if the coord is actually really bad. If you ever see a raging ita with 50+ likes they're probably in my comm. So far I'm going along with it because I'm paranoid about someone noticing my absence in the list and that causing drama.

>>9461057
I think this is a common feeling for lolita mothers. Obviously our lifestyles and priorities are different because we have a child. And though I do enjoy spending one day out of the month without my son, I feel bad for "wasting" the day instead of being with him.
It doesn't help that my comm has a variety of girls of all different ages and it's hard to connect with them on a personal level.
Private meets are great, but I would make sure you be careful how you post about it after so no one in your comm gets butt hurt about not being invited

>>9461111

If I see a friend post to CoF, I'd probably like the post because they're my friend, not because it's the unspoken rule of the local frill-cult. A bad coord doesn't always mean they have terrible personalities.

tfw you see a certain group of people mark maybe to an event. you aren't coming, why would you even bother marking "maybe".
does anyone else just see maybes as "im too afraid to say no"

>>9461057
I think that's pretty awesome you want to dedicate time to hang out with your kid, and I rthink ally respect you for not dragging them along just so you can go to meets. Private meets would be a good idea, maybe you could even have your kid help make little pastries for the event so they feel included a little bit?

>>9461201
Either 'I'm too afraid to say no' or 'I know I can't go but I want people to think I can go' or the very, very rare 'hm, is not sure if I'll be available that date yet. ill put maybe for now until I find out to let the host know I'm interested'

>>9461111
>>9461183
I don't like a post unless I actually like the coord, regardless of whether or not the person in question is my friend. For me, CoF is about the outfits and not the people.

>>9461183
Are we supposed to be judging CoF posters on their personalities rather than their coords? Have I been doing it wrong this whole time?

>>9461201
I'm one of those people recently. The comm has such frequent meets that I'm interested but not sure if I can make it. I always make sure to mark Going or Can't Go a couple of days before though.

>>9461201
I usually mark "maybe" on events I'm interested in but can't promise that I'll actually attend, the reason being my health problems more than anything. I mark myself as attending if I'm absolutely sure I'll be there though.

>>9461223
I always do it for the last reason, and don't change it to 'going' until I'm sure I have a ticket and can make it on that date. I thought that's what that option is intended for... Does it mean something else in reality? I just thought it was like, I'm interested, but am not 100% certain if I can make it yet. Why would anyone feel too afraid to say no?

>>9461045
https://discord.gg/69KvAba

Because of my job, I'm going to be moving to Seattle in less than a month and I don't know anyone up there. I was thinking of joining the local comm to make friends, but what sort of group should I expect? Are people friendly and well dressed? Or are there mostly cliques and drama? I'm not trying to demand the best comm in the world, just wanting to know if I can expect to meet like-minded individuals.

>>9461111
Honestly, I feel obligated to do it because they do the same for me.

>>9461307
If you update your maybe before the day of the meet, you are 100% excused from my wrath.

>>9461201
Because otherwise Facebook won't give you notifications about the event. It's really stupid actually and my comm has been having a lot of issues getting event notifications out to all the members.

>>9461111
>your friend posts to COF
>because you are friends, the algorithm shows this post in your timeline
>"oh, it is my friend" you think, so you like it, regardless of content posted

you're thinking too hard about it anon

>>9461201
I mark maybe if there's even a small chance I won't be able to go, since I won't to be able to keep up with info about the event otherwise. If events are planned more than a month in advance I usually can't say where I'll be or whether I'll be free from work on that date to put a definite going. I always update a few days before at the latest, though - my comm has a policy of only waiting for people that say going so it doesn't make much difference.

>>9460929
I don't have a Faceboodont plan on anymore and don't plan on making one again because I hate the platform and I don't like how much information they gather about you. Guess I'll keep being a lone lolita

>>9461549
Iktf too well. I can't even find my local comms on FB even though I know their group names. If only there was an official website for all of them.

>>9461057
>I'm kind of tired of being in my comm. Its not really the comm itself, maybe I'm just getting old. Im only 25. I work all week long and only have the weekends to hang with my kid, I feel bad/sad when I loose out on one of my days with her for a meetup since I have so little time with her
Aww, anon. You're a good mom. I'm going to go ahead and tell you that it's totally okay to spend time apart from your kid as well - work is work and you're trying to support her, and you deserve free time where you're not always in mom mode. However, kids aren't going to be small forever and the time you have together is precious. There's nothing necessarily wrong with growing apart with your comm or not being able to attend meetups regularly and certainly even less so because you want to spend time with your child.

Tbh as long as you're happy and still get to see friends and wear lolita, who cares about keeping up with teens or immature moms you don't identify with? Sounds like for you, private meets and then the occasional big meet is the best for you.

>>9461127
Same goes for you - I don't think you need to beat yourself up for "wasting" a day - you need to reset a bit sometimes and that's totally cool. At the same time tho, it's fine to deprioritize the comm esp. when you feel a difficulty trying to connect with people.

>>9461575
There's a spreadsheet somewhere but the only social media comms use anymore is Facebook. A few had livejournals at some point but LJ is dead now

>>9461201
In some cultures it's common to say "I'll try to make it" even if you know you can't go.

>>9461057
>>9461057
>Anyone else feel disconnected to their comm?
I kind of have the opposite problem of you. The majority of my comm members seem to be around 30, married, and have careers. I'm just a college student. I can't tell whether I have anything in common with them because all anyone seems to talk about is what they do for a living, local events they plan to attend with their husbands, etc. Nothing wrong with that, I just never have any way to contribute to the conversation. Maybe if it were about recent releases or pop culture stuff, I'd at least be able add my two cents. Not to mention that I can't attend alcohol centered events as of yet and I doubt I'd want to when I turn 21 this year.

I can only attend meets within walking distance and another one in my area is coming up. Should I keep trying? They all seem to get along with each other without me. Should I just be a lone lolita instead? I'm not sure how you gulls will feel about this, given how often I see people on here bemoaning the lack of older members.

>>9461669
Thanks anon! It makes me feel better to read this! Sometimes I feel guilty and a bad mom to take days out to go to smaller meets. She misses me and gets super clingy the following 24 hours when she spends the night at grandmas so I can have a date night out, and the clingy-ness gives me major anxiety from the guilt I feel. But I'll talk to some of the girls I'm close to and see who wouldn't mind doing private meets with us to stuff like museums, gardens, and the zoo or aquarium where its a little more kid friendly. I wish my current house had a bigger living room/dining room like my last place. That way I could host some mini tea parties at my place where we could chat and she could play safely in her room or the yard without having to watch her like a hawk. But I'm moving next year hopefully closer to my university we can find somewhere with either a bigger garden area, or a bigger dining room and that sort of thing will be easier to achieve.

>>9461705
Do you try to initiate and take control of conversation? Maybe something like "oh I see your wearing x print from y brand. Did you see the preview from their upcoming release? Do you think you'll try to get it?" Etc. You sound new. Have you been in the comm long? Girls who have been acquainted with each other longer seem to talk more about things outside of the lolita comm. Maybe try to initiate conversation online between meetups as well? Or follow them so you know what to talk about when you see them in person. Say taobao-chan posts some fan art of [insert series name that you both like here]. At the next meetup, talk about how you like [moody/androgynous character] or whatever.

>>9461705
Keep trying anon, there might be younger lolitas too. I'm in a weird in-between zone in my comm - I'm a student in my early 20s but most of the comm regulars here are in their late 20s to early 30s. There are teenagers and college students in the group, but a lot of them are flaky weebs who rarely turn up and I get the overall impression from talking to them that they're kind of immature and don't take lolita very seriously as a hobby (fair enough they don't have much money, but I've been a lolita for four years so it gets boring talking to cosplayers that aren't even that into jfashion). I feel like I'm more on the same page with the older lolitas and we get on well, but we don't form much of a social connection outside of chatting at meets because we're at completely different places in our lives. In the end I ended up making friends with some postgrads - they're still students with part-time rather than full-time jobs so we have a lot in common, but they're more mature than your average undergrad/high schooler/NEET.

To be honest every comm is different, so try a few different ones within travel distance if you can. The comm in my college town and the next city older has an older member base, but the one near my parents' place is mostly teens and students. It really depends where you live.

>>9461712
Aw gosh, small tea parties sound cute! Best of luck finding a nice place.

>She misses me and gets super clingy the following 24 hours when she spends the night at grandmas
Of course, you're her mom! Sounds like you two are very close so it's natural that she misses you. You can't help the anxiety as it's only natural to feel protective. But if she's with her grandma, it's good bonding time for the two of them too. I was very close to mine growing up - sometimes I'd spend a week at a time at my grandparents' since it was just as close to my school. Time apart can teach her a bit of independence too - and above all it sounds like even when you're away from her she's super loved and taken care of, so there's nothing to worry about.

Here for reading more about the Houston drama because I'm bored and this is fascinating. I had no idea that the drama went so deep.

>>9460929
How can I force myself to stop being a social recluse and talk to people? Help me, gulls.

>>9461057
Woah, I don't remember posting this. Anon, you've got my same life. My comm has the same kind of divide. It's either high schoolers or late 20's to 30's child free ladies. More power to them, I just can't relate.

>>9461712
I can relate. I stay home with my kid, but when I get a chance to go do other stuff, I don't really want to go to a meet with mostly people I barely know anymore. I need to have little get togethers with my actual lolita friends.

There's this new girl in my comm who is driving me insane. She comments on EVERYTHING in every lolita group. She also tried to explain the basics of Lolita to me even though she's never even worn a coord...... I've been wearing lolita for 11 years. (Granted, only wearing it *well* for about 6 years, but still!). She also keeps commenting like she knows everything on posts in every fb group, and it's often really incorrect or inflammatory information. I hate how salty this makes me feel, because I'm known as a generally really nice person, but for some reason she's really starting to grate on my nerves.

>>9461920
Sounds like unbridled autism desu

>>9461927
I don't want to be a dick to her, especially if she actually *is* autistic and since she is so new, but she's such an annoying pest that I'm going insane. And every time I see her pop up in a different group and start a thread, I get more and more frustrated.

>>9461940
What area are you in? I'm dealing with the same thing in New England right now

>>9461969
I'm down south. It must be two different people, which sucks big time. What's yours doing?

>>9461882
iktf. I live in a city with like 30,000 university students as well but I'm the only one in the comm who's a student (there was another but she just graduated) - the place is full of high schoolers and late 20s girls and I have no idea why.

>>9461982
She lives in a northern state and yet is a member of every single New England comm; marks herself as "maybe" to all events (including ones that she has no interest or ability to go to), dresses pretty poorly, and requested a payment plan from a friend of mine, paid one installment and then hasn't spoken to her since then. In the meantime though, she bought a piece off of me, so it's not like she doesn't have the money?

She's been posted in ita / CoF threads recently too, and this is just mean of me, but her face is offputting.

> oh boy it felt so good to vent about her

>>9462048
Wowwwww. Sounds like you've got yourself a real winner. Is she a complete and total know-it-all as well? Who is somehow snobby, yet extremely big on "why can't Lolitas just be lovelies"?

.....venting feels nice. Every time I see her icon appear on my fb I do an actual, IRL eye roll. Also, bingo winner with "Lolita at heart" and "'considered' myself a Lolita for years"

>>9460929
Is this all natural hair? Is this trend coming back? I've never been to a comm meet, but if they're like this, I want to now.

What's the nature of your local comm, gulls? Is it costumey or not?

>>9462079
at least two of them are wearing wigs

>>9461546

this, sometimes my friends post the most boring looking shit and I'll like it and post a comment overflowing with praise, just because yo that's my friend.

>>9462048
If she's being dodgy with payments you need to tell comm leaders. I'm pretty sure I know who you're talking about though. I think she's just very eager.

My comm just posted tickets to our ILD event and I FINALLY have the day off to go. AWYISS

It's a twinning meet but it looks like people are privately working out who they want to twin with.

>>9462079
Left and right are wigs, Bodyline I think since lots of right girl's stuff is Bodyline IIRC.

>>9461865
Don't get your popcorn out. There is like 2 dumb anons that blows everything out of proportion or grasp at straws. I think many of us are sick of them trying to make drama out of molehills. The only thing I am concerned about is whether or not those bullying claims were real.

>>9461201
For me, I mark maybe as my physical health can't always be determined ahead of time. I used to mark going but I hated that the day of the meet my health would crash causing me to change it to not going and it may be only a few hours before the actual meet. I end up feeling worse especially if a bunch of other people had cancelled on them beforehand.
So in short my maybes are meaning I'm to worried to put going incase I have to cancel at the last minute.

>>9462103
Yeah I wouldn't even "look" at the photo/coord. I would see the name, the face - Oh, it's my friend, I like my friend. *like*

>>9462386
This is depressing.

>>9461549
Same, anon. I made a FB only for lolita, fake name and zero info about me as a person otherwise, but I still don't feel entirely comfortable with it. Plus I'm an idiot and used my main gmail account to sign up and so people I don't want on there (people I never even talked to from middle school wtf) can apparently find me and try to friend me. I also get likes and comments on my posts from total strangers who are friends with my friends because apparently these people can see my posts when someone likes it, even if it's supposed to be private? Fuck this shit, there's absolutely no reason these random dudebros should even know who I am, much less comment on my pictures.

I understand that FB is convenient for most people but I still wish that we had a different platform.

>>9461920
>>9461927
>>9461940
I have autism and this is painful to read. Unless someone is so severely autistic that it affects their intellectual capabilities and they need a handler, people with autism are capable of learning at least basic social skills and should be open to polite constructive criticism. It may be hard but it's definitely possible and is something we ought to strive for. It pisses me off to see assholes run rampant in a community and hide behind "muh disability" when called out on bad behaviour.

>>9462105
This, too. She shouldn't be allowed to fuck people over just because everyone feels bad about her disability.

>>9462400
girl update your privacy settings, all of your issues can be easily fixed.

>>9462400
You can edit your privacy settings so people can't find your account if they know your email.

>>9462391
are you depressed because you realize you don't have any friends, anon

>>9462425
I have friends but now I feel like their likes are worthless and the upward trend of likes on my CoF posts over the years has just been because I got more lolita friends and not because I actually got better.

>>9462433
so you are sad because your friends like you? ok. youre still thinking about it the wrong way.

>your picture pops up in a friends TL
>they like it
>because they liked it, your picture now shows up in their friends' TL
>all about the algorithm baby
more friends - more of a chance for people, both friends and non-friends to see it - more possibility of likes

your "upward trend of likes" can be a combination of you added more lolita friends on Facebook + also got better? it's not an either.or situation.

>>9462453
nayrt but I always looked at CoF likes as an indication of how good my coord is, not of how many friends the post reached. If my post got hundreds of likes but most of those were automatic "oh look it's my friend" likes from my friends list and not impartial strangers who genuinely like my coord, yeah, that's kind of disappointing.

>>9461057
I think people shouldn't have kids if they don't spend time with them, so I would stop going to meets

>>9462453
I set CoF not to show up in my timeline and just to get notifications when people post because otherwise the volume of posts drowns out status updates from my actual friends. Kind of surprised other people don't do the same.

>>9461281
Unless someone is paying you to be the lolita police, you're not really supposed to be judging them.

>>9461549
I only made a fb for lolita but I'm probably going to delete it again. It's not worth it.

>>9461281

CoF is a facebook group, anon. The likes don't actually mean anything (other than to fb's algorithmn). You don't win prizes for having the most likes, and you don't win anything for putting superficial looks above your friendships.

You're pretty much doing life wrong if you even take facebook this seriously when you get nothing in return either way.

>>9462458
That's stupid because you'll obviously get way more likes if more people see your post

>>9462453
get out of here zuckerberg.

What kind of activities are good for a first big "event" meetup for a comm? We've been around for a long time but we've never done anything like renting out a hotel space and doing a tea/dinner with raffles and stuff, so I'm trying to brainstorm and hoping to have it happen at the end of the year.
So far I'm thinking doing something fun like a bingo or a raffle, seeing if we can maybe invite a few local, relevant artists for a small craft/art corner, but I'm not sure where to go from there. Any help appreciated!

>>9462634
You could do a little mini quiz or crossword for the tables to do with small prizes, or a competition to make up the silliest print name or something.

>>9462634
My comm loves to do games. We've played Guess The Print, pulled silly made up print names out of a hat and drew them, lolita Jeopardy, very stupid ice breakers, and so on. I'm glad my comm enjoys doing this goofy stuff or is too polite to say anything because it's so much fun.

>>9462683
>I'm glad my comm enjoys doing this goofy stuff or is too polite to say anything because it's so much fun.

This is really a critical aspect. Just do your best to make sure the comm members who do participate aren't being negative about the events, and it will usually be excellent. As soon as one person starts the "this is lame" vibe it goes down fast.

So, when you first join a comm, do you just go up to random people and start talking? I want to join mine, but I have no idea how to even start interacting with anyone.

Also, would it give off a Kate-esque vibe if I went to my first meet wearing something like Puppet Circus or Iron Gate? When I'm in settings with boatloads of lolitas I've never met before, I've noticed that wearing something really impressive helps my anxiety a lot and gives me more confidence.

>>9462734
Puppet Circus or Iron Gate (or Cat's Tea Party or Honey Cake) might seem too show-offy unless it's a big meet like ILD. But go for brand, and go for a decently popular print...

>>9462734
Yes, just start talking to people. Don't butt into a conversation but go up to people and start talking about how you think their coord is cute, you love the accessory they're wearing, etc, and have that be a segue into normal conversation.

Don't wear something overly fancy to a normal meet that isn't specifically OTT or ILD. You could be the nicest person in the world and about to be my new best friend, but if you show up wearing Puppet Circus to your first meet and it's not a huge event, you're going to look like an asshole.

>>9462790
>>9462771
What about something along the lines of Gothic Arch, Gloria (AatP) or Twinkle Mermaid?

>>9462734
>>9462771
>>9462790

I mean have some social grace but I wouldn't be perturbed if someone showed up wearing some rare peices. Maybe she just wanted to wear Puppet Circus, and it's always cool to see in person.

>>9462734
>>9462804
Anon you're trying to hard to impress cgl. It's painfully obvious.

>>9462804
Def. acceptable I think, particularly Gothic Arch as I think many non-gothic lolitas don't realise how much it costs, although they recognise Moitie and know it's expensive (and gothic lolitas tend to be older and understand why someone would pay a lot for a print they love, unlike the legions of underage sweet replica-chans). Twinkle Mermaid is actually something a lot of the younger girls in my comm wouldn't even realise is valuable or prestigious as well as being seen as tacky by some - I wouldn't go for a screenprint like that.

>>9462807
Maybe you do, but there's a lot of people that would interpret it as showing off or get jealous because it's their dream dress or what the fuck ever (you even see it on this board), so it's better to play it safe IMO.

>>9462811
Not that anon, but would it be acceptable to wear stuff like that outside of ILD and special events as long as it's not your first few meets?

>>9462811
>Twinkle Mermaid is actually something a lot of the younger girls in my comm wouldn't even realise is valuable or prestigious
Newbs probably wouldn't, but any big AP fan is well aware of Twinkle Mermaid's status. Especially if it's one of the black color ways.

>>9462734
>Also, would it give off a Kate-esque vibe if I went to my first meet wearing something like Puppet Circus or Iron Gate?

No. If you have 2 coords that you plan to wear for one meetup, then you're giving off a Kate-esque vibe.

How acceptable is it to have two coordinates for a big event? In some weddings brides have two dresses and change part of the way through can I do this for Lolita ?

>>9462857
Like a whole new coord for after the tea party? LOL
I'm sorry but that is a whole new level of extra.

>>9462838
Sure, as long as it's not somewhere ridiculous that'd be super messy.

>>9461694
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1evXegSoFbfEXn8o0joeA-KFvolNKPKllgvaYqNgvOiw/edit#gid=1

>>9462634
swap room

>>9462857
Like at a con, one for day and one for night is fine. I went on a long outing that was gong to an antique market in the day, then dinner, then karaoke pretty late. Some people changed for karaoke. But anything else would be super weird.

>>9462838
Yeah, I think as long as you're not a new member, you're fine wearing rarer/more iconic pieces to even casual meets. One of my comm members wore CTP to a boba 'meet' where all we did was sit and shittalk and drink bubble tea, and I've worn IG to campus before, where no one even recognised it outside of, "Oh, that's lolita."

I think if you wear stuff like that like it's just any other piece, you start to get a reputation where the rest of the comm knows you're not trying to be a showoff. At least, that's how it's been with my comm.

>>9462811
>>9462843
We had a girl wear Twinkle Mermaid to a casual meet and a bunch of people fawned over it.

No one thought it was pretentious at all.

>>9462691
Our community is pretty chill so hopefully they'd be receptive. Thank you to everyone who replied! It's really given me some ideas.

>>9462386
My comm does this.

>>9462462
Nice b8.

>>9462734
Wear what you like, anon.

>>9463215
This. I promise that anons on cgl are the only ones who would assume you're trying to outdo someone, or whatever nonsense. Just because a dress is rare doesn't mean that you can only wear it to extravagant events; it's your fucking dress. Wear it whenever and wherever you want. The only time I think you'd get sideye if it were some OTT monstrosity like Baby's wedding dresses or whatever.

>>9462462
When I was a kid I actually didn't really want or need to spend time with my parents. Some kids are clingier than others, and you should take that into account before smothering them. Even at ages 2 - 4 I would have been annoyed if my mum was around all the damn time.

>>9462857
I mean I guess I could see wearing something comfy during the day and something OTT for the event itself, or the other way around (change into something comfy for the afterparty or whatever). I would totally understand not wanting to wear the OTT coord with uncomfortable shoes for a lot of walking or for getting dinner and drinks or anything that might wreck your feet or get your dress messy.

>>9463377
If you're talking about DMC nearly everyone changes for the afterparty, but two outfits during the daytime would seem weird.

the back has cat ears

>>9463493
I literally just did that dog tilt to the head with a horrified look on my face and stared for a good 30 seconds.

Why the touquoise? Why the teal? Is that a bonnet for an umbrella or an umbrella hat with a ruffly military helmet?

I have so many questions.

>>9462333
I'm pretty sure someone always says this. It's not just a few people. I talk about the problems of Houston comm with at least 8 of my other friends trying to stay out of comm drama. Not all of us post to cgl though. There are definitely more than two people that think Houston comm sucks.

>>9463420
No, I'm just talking in general lol.

Also to add plenty of cosplayers do AM and PM costumes to squeeze in more outfits in a weekend. But yeah, two daytime outfits seem a little weird to me too.

>>9463561
I understand, there are definitely issues with the community for sure. However, I was mostly referring to the recent "drama" that were in the last threads. For example, the obvious "SQ" vendetta anon that jumps on HLC drama to blame S even when she was not involved in the first place.

>>9463570
I just want to be able to go to a meet without someone bitching about someone else or bringing up AM drama. We get it, you either hate AM or you love AM. And I get it, you hate this person or this comm or this place or this meet. Just shut up and drink your tea and enjoy the meet. I hear enough complaining irl to hear it in Lolita also.

>>9462857
Wtf not unless the event is your birthday or wedding. It's still pretty over the top at a birthday. Wedding is the one event it seems ok for

>>9463512
>I literally just did that dog tilt to the head with a horrified look on my face

wow i just caught myself doing that too

>>9463512
i feel bad cause i know her but holy shit. so bad.

>>9462857
Who cares, no ones going to stop you from doing it. People might be judgy with it like some of these anons responding but you're gonna get that even if you don't change lol

>>9462458
I thought everyone knew COF was just asspat city?
I feel like the real way to see if you are any good is COF posts on cgl desu.

>>9462011
Are you by any chance in the Midwest?

>>9463684

COF likes are a measure of whether you're pretty or popular

this anon's right, CGL with give you the truest feedback

>>9461920
I feel this, anon; this one girl who I knew from an unrelated thing expressed interest to me about lolita, so I gave her some advice, etc. She completely ignored everything I've said, dresses like a massive ita, and is now shitting up facebook groups with her uninformed opinions and concrit for people who dress better than her.

>>9463773
Which comm are you in??? I'm wondering if it's the same one....

>>9462109
I'll be going too! This is my first big ILD meet and I'm very excited.

>>9463493
I'm honestly a little impressed by just how bad this is

>>9461920
She sounds very familiar, does she go on RC a lot and make bad CoF posts? Im trying not to be too specific for the sake of the community.

>>9462875
I read this as "swamp room" and I can't breathe

>>9463684
But you also have to be able to discern who is giving real feedback and who is just shitting up the thread.

>>9463493
>military Miku lolita

>>9463267
This. Not to mention, some of us only have those kinds of dresses. I have a small wardrobe, but it's entirely made up of rare and pricey dresses because I wanted to get the hardest on my wish list out of the way.

>>9463684
You can still tell the different between a coord that gets 20 likes and a bunch of carefully-worded compliment sandwiches vs one that gets in the hundreds without crit even though it was requested.

There's a girl in my comm that no one likes because she and her friend are rude and stuck-up over stupid shit. It's gotten to the point where if either person hosts a meet, no one attends it, and later, these same people complain about "popularity" and how no one goes to their meets.

How do you tell someone that their shitty attitude is the reason why no one attends their events? Is it even worth going down that rabbit hole? Most of the comm just ignores these people as it is so I don't even know if I should say something.

>>9461920
Is she the one who last commented on pretty much every RC threads?

>>9461111
Since most of my comm are my friends I like their posts even though they might have a shitty outfit. The girls that aren't... I don't actually think it's possible for me to like your outfit even if it's runway ready because I'm that petty.

>>9464329
Depends on what they're like, I guess. It's never pleasant to hear that your attitude drives people away but theoretically they might take the hint and see how they might be able to change... I have a feeling I'm giving them too much credit though.
If they're the type to fuss when given any sort of criticism, it's probably best to drop it or let someone who can handle the inevitable shitstorm handle it.

>>9463587
Hlc bitches about this more than hls. At least at the Easter meet I didn't hear about this. At the hls Easter meet, nothing was said about AM either.

>>9463570
What recent drama?

I don't want to out people but I have been talking to two mods outside of hlc and hls. They were saying they do not want to work with hlc or SQ because of her attitude and lack of communication.

Referring to the drama of Comicpalooza and the Japanese Festival, I've also heard the same thing about SQ and hlc.

If people really want to settle this drama. Go to the source. Ask mods, ask other comms why they're selectively telling people they do not want to work with hlc or SQ.

In my opinion, there is too many people I have encountered that are saying the same thing. The community is in trouble if this keeps happening outside of cgl. I don't want to think it's all bullshit but like I said, too many people are saying the same thing.

Are there any jfash stores down in Houston? I'm headed there with family Sunday and I wanted to hit some up if there are any

>>9464494
Cant the mods make SQ step down if they dont like her that much?

>>9464488
The HLS easter meet looked super fun, unfortunately, I was unable to go because I went out of town with family. It looks like they've become a lot more organized and more inclusive.

>>9464494
I was referring to assumptions like the comms are trying to compete with each other. I've talked to a few mods and they don't really care about what the other comm does.

About SQ tho, what do you think will be the solution? You can't say "kick her" as if doing so will be so easy. Do those mods have any idea what to do or are they only complaining?

However, >>9464855 I believe it's more like anything SQ has done is not enough to kick her from being a mod (yet). She is tactless and hard to work with, but she still does a lot for the community. She's not perfect in the least but Onicon seemed to run pretty smoothly from what I could tell so I doubt she will be kicked anytime soon, unless she messes up bad.

>>9462458
not sure why the concept of knowing more people -> more people see your posts is such an upsetting concept to some people but maybe it's because you all take COF way more seriously than you should, lol

>>9464759
Yes but it's overpriced and not worthwhile.
>>9464856
I thought the same thing. I wish I could've gone, but had other things planned... hope the next meets are just as fun.

>>9464897
Yeah I don't see why they would kick her? What has she done that everyone is talking about? I went to oni-con, and it was ok. I was salty about the kid winning the dress even though she was dressed ehh, and it wouldn't even fit; but everything else was good.

>comm's ILD event is at a boring free location that anyone can visit at literally any time
>no tea party
>on ILD
whyyyy

>>9465185
Maybe they want to make it accessable to more people? You can always have a private meet on ILD instead.

I need some advice ladies. What do you do if a long-time com member just stops wearing lolita to meets? We don't necessarily have a rule that you can't show up in casual clothes, but it's kind of an unwritten rule that you don't do it to often; or at least I would've thought so. It's been over a year now of consecutively not dressing up.

>>9465394
Set up a dress code, in that case it doesn't feel as personal.

>>9465394
>not wearing lolita to a lolita meet
I don't understand people who do this at all. If I ran a comm, it would be against the rules, regardless how long you've been going. The only situation I can imagine it being acceptable is if you're a long time member and you're recovering from a broken leg or something, so wearing lolita just isn't viable, but you really want to see all your friends.

>>9463493
Caleb Crye would be impressed

>>9465185
my comm is doing something free to be more welcoming to new members and the larger comm near by is doing something fancy so it's something for everyone

>>9464897
So what's this new HLC drama about sexual harassment? There's got to be some story if a mod had to make a post about it.

>>9466340
A different mod also posted something earlier along the lines of "I have nothing to do with Japan festival, direct all questions to BLANK"

>>9466340
Oh God... More sexual harassment? I often wonder if these claims are ever even legitimate or if it's just people seeking attention...only in Houston y'all

>>9466340
There is none, fuck stop trying to fish for drama.
I want the deets on jfest. I didn't go but I heard it was a nightmare as far as the fashion show. I saw some pictures and I cringed so hard.

>>9466340 >>9466362
There is no drama like how >>9466606 said. Stop jumping at the first second and don't assume everything is related. The post about going to DF for the festival is for how poorly the fashion show went. No one was sexually harassed in the way you guys are assuming. There were people making inappropriate jokes during the festival so I am going to assume someone complained about that to that mod.

The fashion show ran smoothly but the MC looked like she had a wikipedia knowledge of what lolita was and turned it into a festival of cringe.

>>9466606
The fashion show was absolute trash, the announcer had awful white face of makeup and used words like "childlike" and she didn't seem like she new shit about the fashion. She even said the visual kei dudes were being "naughty" she wasn't professional at all and it was awakward and hard to wach. DESU most of the models were dressed like shit and the Lolitas looked like con-litas.

>>9466630
u left out the weird "gothic-classic" "sweet-classic" "straight __style" parts and how "every lolita needs her dandy"

>>9466634
"Because who would hold our stuff........RIGHT?!" She never said ouji did she? It was always dandy? Plus everything black was gothic apparently. >.>

>>9465567
I have thought about suggesting it. I don't really see why people would need to show up in casual clothes.. newbies should just wait till they get a coord together. It can get hot here, but then it's like.. if it's too hot for you, don't come.

>>9465567
We've let people do it twice before, both times when it was an expensive ticketed meet and the girl would have lost her money and missed out on the activity with friends otherwise. One time a girl lost the suitcase with her coord in it before the meet, another time a girl was sick and turned up in a less restrictive cute outfit. I didn't think it was a big deal but I'd be pissed if people made a habit of it.

>>9465394
Does this person's name start with a C? There's someone in my community who has not worn lolita in at least a year and a half and also keeps coming to lolita meetups in normie clothes. This person has been involved in drama in the past and isn't exactly popular in the comm so I don't understand why she keeps coming when she's not interested in wearing the fashion anymore. She's not really bothering anyone so the mods don't want to risk drama by telling her to stop, but it's pretty weird.

>>9461345
Anyone?

>>9466727

Not the original poster, but does your C also bring a child to meets?

>>9466966
Have you tried checking the archives? Your question is dependent on someone 1) checking this thread and 2) being from that comm which means you aren't going to get answers lightning fast

>>9466997
Doesn't wear Lolita AND brings their kids to meets? Damn anon which comm are you in and why do your mods allow this?

my birthday is on ild and I want to celebrate it every year, but my boyfriend and family always want to be with me. I don't have any lolita friends, so if I went to a meetup it might be awkward.

>>9467101
>claims birthday is on ILD
>ILD date changes every year

>>9467153
anon, they could mean this year

>>9467101
>>9467153
>>9467271
It's still a dumb question. Just celebrate your birthday the sunday after it, or do a late ILD meet on sunday.

>>9467271
>boyfriend and family always want to be with me
>always

Implies more than just this year

>>9467570
most people end up celebrating their birthday on the weekend it falls closest to. ild always takes place first weekend of June so if anons birthday falls between the 1st and the 7th, this could easily happen multiple years. I encounter the same issue with Disneyland Lolita day, falls on the same weekend as my birthday every single year

>>9466727
>>9466997
No C and no child, but both those people sound pretty awful. The girl in our com isn't particularly popular either, but no drama surrounds her that I know of. Our mods are pretty chill, and our com is pretty chill. Not a lot of drama happens, and I think that's good. Rules are pretty slack, but that's really because everyone is usually well behaved. Last time mods had to actually do their job, it started a heap of fuss with some people because they weren't used to being told what to do. Thankfully those people left. Trouble makers never last long for us because not enough people pay them any attention. It's such a delicate balance though, so I'm worried if we say something to her; it'll start something.

>>9467687
then why doesnt she celebrate her birthday the day of or on sunday? it's still a stupid thing to complain about.
>>9467101 listen birthday anon, if your family/bf want you to be happy, they'd understand celebrating your birthday another time so that you can enjoy lolita. shouldn't be a big issue.

>>9467068

Melbourne. Mods are cucks.

>>9469619
The mods have a fetish for watching their SO's with other lolitas?

Damn. Shit gets real in Australia.

>>9469619
>cucks
The death of this phase can't come soon enough.

>>9464064
This describes so many people

In at at least two of the comms I've been apart of, one of the mods will rarely wear actual Lolita to meets, if ever. Just "casual j-fash". Has anyone else had this happen? It must really suck to have to mod a community for a fashion that you're no longer in love with.

>>9469829
I think it's safe to assume that anyone who uses that word to insult others actually does have a cuckholding fetish, whether they'll admit it to themselves or not. Nobody is that obsessed with demonizing a sexual scenario without being really turned on by it.

>>9469926
I never understand why mods like that don't just step down. It's obvious that you're no longer part of the fashion, so just leave the position and go back to being a normal member.

>>9469926
This has happened with one of my comm's mods in the past and is currently happening with another one. The past one was particularly bad, she was only a mod because she was the first one to make a group and organise meet ups but she was always super ita. Even at the height of her lolita period she'd go pettiless, wear leggings instead of tights, wear crew socks pulled as high as they could go, baggy t-shirt instead of a blouse etc. As time went on she stopped wearing blouses or appropriate legwear altogether and would either show up in a lolita dress styled with sneakers and leggings or she'd wear a normie skater dress with bare legs, lacy wrist cuffs and tea parties. It was pretty obvious she didn't give a damn about the fashion (not just from her coords but from how she ran the comm) but she loved the power trip of being in charge of the group, so she refused to step down. Eventually someone made a new group on a new platform and after a lot of passive-aggressive bitching, she faded into obscurity. Sometimes she'll pop up at Japan-related events looking ita as ever.
Our current mod usually shows up wearing casual nu-goth which she claims is Jfash despite most of her pieces coming from Western brands. Our community is technically for lolita and Jfash so she gets away with it, even though she's always the only one at the entire meetup wearing something other than lolita. She's a decent mod, though.

>>9469926
I'm in a community with a mod who I've never seen attend a meet or post in the group. I guess she got admin status because she created the group and I hear she still owns some lolita, but she's essentially lone so I don't get why she doesn't step down.

Until very recently there were three or four girls organising pretty much all of the meets and only one had mod status. There were two other mods that I'd never seen. Recently one of the organizers replaced one absentee mod, but the other is still there.

>>9470572
I'm a mod of my community and I've never even the two of our other mods because they are so inactive. I honestly don't see why they even have moderator privileges anymore.

>>9470579
If you're a mod can't you delete them?

"Hey guys I just wanted to remind you all that you are free to create meets whenever you want. Do not leave it just up to the mods, you're free to organize a meetup whenever so please go out there and have some fun. Of course if you'd like a moderator to help you organize a meet we'd be happy to help. But otherwise, go do you."
Don't worry darling, no one was depending on you to do anything.

>>9470602
Can you even remove the creator of a group from admin or no?

>>9470657
I dont think this was that bad of a post.
Pretty plain and simple. I'm not a fan of her myself though.

>>9470750
No, The group founder is more or less God on their pages. If they are removed as moderator the group as a whole is deleted.

>>9470750
They have to take themselves off.

FML missed out on my comm's tickets for ILD again.

They need to find a bigger place or something

>>9470924
Same. I was planning on visiting that comm too since my comm isn't doing anything worthwhile for ILD. I hope someone makes another ILD meet within the comm for people who weren't able to get tickets.

>>9470924
Damn, I was going to buy mine soon too. Hopefully there's another meetup for people without tickets.

>>9464856
Me as well; I had another meet that day but it was a tough call, and goddamn that cake looked good.

>>9470657
I saw this too. They keep asking "hey, would yall like this meet?" and it never gets done. Still haven't heard about the D&D meet that the new mod tried to plan.

>>9470572
What comm are you in, sounds like mine.

>>9470657
I saw that! Does she even make any meets herself?

>>9471416
Too small to specify without outing myself, sorry anon. It's a common situation in a lot of comms though.

How long does it take to get accepted to a facebook comm? I sent a request almost a week ago and nothing.

>>9471078
>>9470924

They tend to have people who can't make it and want to sell their ticket last minute, so if you don't figure out other plans I would post asking for anyone who has a ticket to sell to contact you.

Glad I bought mine early, I learned my lesson from past ILDs that tickets always sell out well before their cutoff date. Just remember for future events, anon.

>>9471481
Did you message a mod? A lot of comms won't accept requests unless you explain why you want to join, unless you're obviously a lolita in that are from your profile.

>>9471469
I'm pretty sure I know what comm this is then. Fun fact: one of the absentee "mods" doesn't even live in the state anymore and hasn't been back in years. She got really snippy and rude on here when people complained about how much they wanted to leave because none of the mods would do their job.

>>9471481
Most mods probably check to make sure you're a legit lolita too so have some pics available to view.

>>9470572
Our comm is the same way. There were three mods, one has essentially quit lolita and the founder of the group has gone lone for whatever reason, leaving one mod with not a lot of time on her hands floundering trying to get shit done. We're a small comm but we essentially have no mods at this point, and only the founder can approve new mods but doesn't since she's pretty much quit the community.

>>9471053
What comm? SD is planning on doing a tea party if you don't mind the drive.

>>9471593
Our comms ILD is pretty empty. 40 spots, and only 7 people going.

>>9471604
Not the same comm, I'm in Europe. Like I said, it's very common.

>>9471632
This sounds very familiar. I was very surprised when I moved here because the girl that organised the most meets wasn't even a mod. Luckily we're small enough that it's easy for ordinary members to step up and organise, but a lot of people are put off volunteering to host small meets because the mods haven't cleaned up the member list in years and random weirdos could turn up.

>>9471481
In my comm we and you a questionnaire and a list of rules before we accept you. Check your "other" folder just in case one of the mods already messaged you.

Posting here since Brazilian thread vanished from cgl
>>Some ita from foz do iguaçu says everytime "replica is wrong, buy brands!"
>>most of her wardrobe are replicas
>>borrows brand from friends (i see no problem on this) but doesnt even know how to coord
>>this week posted a photo on daily lolita fb group >> shes is shopping in the border of Paraguay
>>Paraguay border
>>99,9% of products sold there are piracy
>>mfw

Posting here since Brazilian thread vanished from cgl
>Some ita from foz do iguaçu says everytime "replica is wrong, buy brands!"
>most of her wardrobe are replicas
>borrows brand from friends (i see no problem on this) but she doesnt even know how to coord
>this week she posted a photo on daily lolita fb group
>she is shopping in the border of Paraguay
>Paraguay border
>most of the products sold there are piracy
>mfw

>>9471727
Ouch. What comm? But it's still a good three weeks away they may get filled up.

>>9471465
She doesn't

>>9471727
I saw. Pretty sure because everyone in the comm is cheap af.

>>9470924
Im not surprised at all. Their last ILD was tiny.

>>9470362
Kek is this the leader of the DC comm

>>9470657
That post super rubbed me the wrong way, because it sounded like she was accusing us of the lack of interesting meets being our own fault. Like, it sounded sort of accusatory. Plus, I like when mods of any comm host events more, because they usually actually know how to host an event, and how to actually plan--and can have little gift bags and such.

Similar topic that I'm still salty about, but can we talk about that Saturday fashion show at Jfest? Holy crap... the few pics I've seen are...interesting.

>>9464494
Who is SQ?

>>9473006
This is SQ

>>9473147
... Am I looking at a wigger wearing Lolita?

I am okay with this

No one dressed in lolita to the last lolita meet up...Most of them dressed borderline otome if anything.

I think my comm may be dying guys.

>>9472986
I didn't take it that way, but I don't really plan to make any meets since I'm new and Noone would go.
I didn't even stay for the fashion show. From what I saw walking around I didn't expect much. It was muggy outside, benefit of the doubt. I was more disappoint in that terrible idol everyone else seems to like?

>>9473184
That's not SQ

>>9469619
>>9467696
I hate the public Melb comm right now. I'm not a fan of either of the people mentioned. I want better mods in the public comm. One of them has been out of the fashion for years now. Please save this comm from dying a slow, ita death.

>>9472762
I dunno I wouldn't call 60-something people tiny

>>9474502
Just make a new comm like everyone else has

>>9474502

The mod that's been out of the fashion for ages didn't even notice that she'd somehow accidentally removed herself as a mod for a good two years and only got given mod privileges again a couple of months ago. That's how out of touch she is.

Bump

Holy hell. It's cool and all when someone wants to bring a normie friend with a genuine interest in the fashion to a meetup, but my comm encourages way too many randos to stop by in half assed "coords". Normally I wouldn't care if a newbie couldn't pull together a proper outfit. That's to be expected and they at least (usually) have a clear love for the fashion. But these people, it seems lolita is just another hobby to occasionally dip their toes into and drop when they move onto something else. They don't bother researching beyond a quick look on google. And actually buying something? Nope, the clothes and handmade shit they have on hand can easily be recycled into lolita!
Is it too much to ask for members who actually give a shit? Even itas?

>>9473147
GOT 'EM

There's a mod in my comm, and while she's perfectly lovely in person, online, she's kind of a turd in the punch bowl. Hosting stuff, I'm brushing up against her more online, and she always rubs me the wrong way. Any advice for dealing with her other than being polite and trying not to think about it? I'm worried I'm going to start disliking her, which is going to make my life more difficult.

>>9476442
It's hard to give advice without knowing the specifics. What exactly is going on, examples?

>>9476449
Like discouraging people from planning meets because the mods might be planning something.

>>9476462
Why don't you directly ask the mods if they're planning anything then? Just get that out of the way, and tell the girl, "Hey I checked with the mods, they're not planning anything, it's cool"

>>9476462
goddammit disregard my comment, it's 4 in the fucking morning and I misunderstood.

I guess still, you could directly ask other mods if there's plans, but if not I'd say fuck it, make your meets. Your mod sounds like a power hungry lolita.

>>9477321
My SO says the same thing. And after talking to another mod, who acted like a human being, and not a lame robot, I'm pretty sure they don't communicate with each other that much. I'll just keep planning meets. I might even plan one just to piss power-hungry mod off. Thanks you your thoughts, anon.

Our comm has been called elitist in the past, quite a few times actually. But in reality they are way too accepting. There are so many members now, while maybe 10% of them are actually active. Most of them never post, like or do anything in the comm. I feel like they are only there to mock us in secret. (Pass on our photos and such.)
We also occasionally have people, who want to do projects about Lolita, joining the group. (Students, people who work for television and such.) And after their project, they mostly end up staying in the community, even though they don't have a thing with the style. There are also people in the comm who don't even want to wear the style, they just like "looking" at our photo. And it bothers me, but I don't know what to do.
I believe a clean up has been proposed before, but I don't think much happened. We used to have entrance rules, but I don't know if they still use them. I also don't think they would agree in making them more strict. (Because of all the past elitist and hard to join drama.)
I don't think I am the only one who thinks this. (Actually I am pretty sure more people think this.) Also the activity in the comm is starting to get less and less on some points, and I think it's related to the lurking members. It's so sad, we used to have such a lovely and active online comm. What to do? I don't really dare to write the mods about it.

>>9479309
Why wouldn't you write the mods about it? That's literally what they're there for.

>>9479309
Speak with some other lolitas about it at a meet and approach the mods together.

>>9479334
NTAYRT, but I'm in a comm where something similar happened and the mod is touchy enough that she might get upset people were undermining her/challenging how she runs things, or claim that dudes in the group have a genuine interest in the fashion and shouldn't be kicked on principle.

>>9479309
This sounds very familiar but at the same time seems generic enough that I'm not sure. Is the comm you're talking about European and does it currently have 638 members?
I feel the same way about my comm and I know I'm not alone. I've heard people talk about feeling uncomfortable sharing photos or anything too personal with the group because who knows who's watching? More than six hundred people! The absolute max turnout for a meet is like, 60.

>>9479343
IMO if they have a genuine interest in the fashion then they'd get a coord together in a year or less and if not, their interest clearly isn't that genuine. Maybe there should be a probation period.

>>9479334
Well, exactly as >>9479343 said, I am afraid they might not like it. That they would think I am just some whiney bitch. We have had a lot of drama in the past and I don't think the mods want more. (When this is a subject that can cause drama and has already done so.)

>>9479340
This is a good idea, I know more people are bothered. Just have to think about maybe proposals on how to solve the problem. I think they appreciate that more, then when we just come with the complain and no input.

>>9479349
Yup, we are talking about the same comm. There are so many members and only a few who actualy post stuff and come to meets. I have friends who actually stopped posing because of all the lurkers. I think the whole private meet drama can also be linked back to this.

>>9461057
I feel you. My com is mostly early 20's. I'm 30. I had another baby and that makes it hard for me to attend meetups. I miss going out. But I'm not sure how to connect with them even when I get the chance to go to a meetup.

>>9461201
I hit maybe on events I'm interested in. And then I confirm yes or no depending on if I can get a babysitter.

>>9461345
The Seattle com has been pretty great to me. Open to new comers. There are a couple more shy people who keep to themselves. But then there are more outgoing and fun members too. There are a few who aren't well dressed. But I think the com actually helps them along pretty fast. There is a good share of people who are a bit sjw-ish. But I think that's just pretty common for the northwest and the age group. While there are some older and younger members, 22 seems to be the average age.

>>9479343
Also in the 638 members comm.This has been brought up before and I know from one of the mods they are working on it. Hopefully they do a cleanup soon.

There has been a lot of activity from the mods in the last few weeks, they seem more active again.. (poll with what we want/ newbie topics)

>>9462734
I tend to wear my more rare or expensive dresses when meeting a new group. I want to dress well and make a good first impression. And I want to show that I am serious about the fashion. I usually pull out other less expensive dresses after I've gotten to know a group because I feel I can be more casual around them. Plus a more rare piece tends to be a good conversation starter.

>>9479414
This sounds possitive, I hope they will do the clean up soon! Also hope they will do a poll on the students and tv people though, I am kind of tired of them. (I really don't want TV people to enter again, I am too paranoid they will use our photos or words in a bad way.)
I noticed, but I felt that was more aimed to the newbies and what they bring with them as issues and such. (Since there were some issues.)

>>9479367
>the whole private meet drama can also be linked back to this.
Different anon but I think they were upset because there weren't many meets. At least two of the 'private meets' weren't just friends hanging out, but basically comm meets not posted in the group. Newbies started thinking there must be a lot more of those 'secret comm meets'.
Another thing, at the last meet I went to, there was someone new who was quite shy, but the hostess ignored her. I felt kind of responsible for socializing with her and introducing her to people (even tough she should do that herself).
I'm not sure if it's a coincidence but I also noticed that when new or unknown members organise something, hardly anyone goes. That's actually putting me off from organising a meet. I'm not very active and I'd feel emberrassed if nobody shows up besides my friends.

I don't like the fb group because the forum-like topics just don't work anywhere other than a forum. They said they do it because otherwise it would dominate people's fb feed too much and members couldn't find certain posts? Why can't they just use the search bar? I'm sure most of us don't mind seeing lolita stuff on our fb feed. I'd rather see questions from a lolita, than a normie who needs help with her homework. But I don't think it's worth bringing up now, someone else has already said it and people kind of disagreed with her. Now they even added a new forum-like topic.

>>9479437
I know, but what I meant was that the "private" meets probably only happened because of all the lurkers in group. Not to exclude fellow Lolita's, but the creeps. (Since we have had a creep at a few comm meets.) And then indeed some newbies started to think there were all these secret meets to exclude.
I have seen that happen as well. A lot of the newer members seem to be very shy and don't approach others, and the others are mostly busy catching up with there friends. And they rather catch up with their friends, then try to start the conversation with someone new. So you have the newer people sitting alone or with each other. It's unfortunate, but it is what you said she should do it herself. I think we all had to start the first contact in the beginning. I can't remember being helped or ever seeing someone being helped. It's awkward and scary, but we have all been there. But it's hard.
I understand what you mean, I have an idea for a meet as well, but I don't feel like organising because of numerous reasons. But I know that a lot of girls see meetings as occasional gatherups with friends, so you really see that people mostly go to a meet that is organized by a friend or from which they know there other friends will go to as well. But if you want to do a meet, I would advice to wait a bit, there are so many the coming months.

>>9479465
>(Since we have had a creep at a few comm meets.)
I had no idea about this...
I only have two lolita friends, who are even less active in the comm (I've had to remind them the facebook group exists because they never saw anything about it after they joined), so if I organised something it would probably just be the three of us. But I guess there will be a lot of meets this summer too so it's okay. Btw, I thinkt he purge has started. Thank you whoever's doing that.

>>9479487
I messaged one of the mods and she immediately made a start with purging! I am happy she took me seriously immediately.

>>9479487
Not everyone know, the meets in question also were in a particulair area and I think two years back. But I noticed that after that, they posted less meets in the group. (The creep still is in the comm.) But I can imagine that others have issues with this, since now the organiser just invides their friends and if your new you mostly aren't friends. But luckily there are a few comm meets again, so people can join and try to make friends. Being fb friends with a lot of people helps. Also mostly the same people organise meets, so it helps being friends with them on fb.
I think I know what you mean. I can imagine our comm appears hostile to some.

>>9479437
>>9479487
I'm lonely asf right now so if you organize a meetup and the date and location work for me I'll 100% come even if I have no idea who you are lol

>>9479465
I remember being an awkward newbie all too well so I sometimes go out of my way to chat up newbs, but the last two times the girls just stared at their hands the whole time and only gave monosyllabic answers when I asked them stuff. After like fifteen minutes of awkward silence I just give up. I understand that they most likely have social anxiety and this is really difficult for them, but I'm not a therapist.

>>9479511
>The creep still is in the comm
What? Which creep are we talking about because seriously what?

>>9479523
Which creep? Mods are purging now so if you have a name, you can ask them to remove the creep. It cannot be A, right?

>>9479523
It's a man, doesn't wear Lolita but "Aristocrat". Isn't very active with posting, but likes a lot of post and photos.

>>9479532
You can't say names here, but no. Its "Aristocrat" B.

>tfw I'd suggest we move country-specific discussion to the country thread but the cosplayers shit their pants whenever lolita stuff is discussed

>>9479532
idk everyone I'm thinking of was definitely given the banhammer and I would seriously question the sanity of any mod who'd let them back in. Afaik those crazies are out and staying out. Until they bribe one of our apparently ~corrupt~ mods or something (lol wtf was that about tho)

>>9479539
>>9479554
No idea who you're talking about, I must have missed whatever happened with him. Maybe I'll look him up tomorrow.

>>9479555
I think the comm thread is better for this type of discussion anyway, it's about how your comm is organised

Sometimes I'm surprised by how freely y'all shit-talk your comms on here. I'm paranoid about even giving my general area on 4chan because there are <50 active lolitas within a three-hour radius and giving one or two bits of extra information could instantly out me (what substyles I wear, which city I live in, whether I live in the good or bad part of the city, my employment situation, if I have a partner...) It's a pity so many people here hate seagulls.

>>9480032
ok?

Does Connecticut have an active lolita comm? I did a search for one and was only able to find a couple of (seemingly long dead) LJ groups. Facebook turned up nothing.

Would someone in the southeast us like to plan a megameet? I would but I don't have the time to invest but I would help out where I can. Something like Omnia Vanitas, maybe at Biltmore Estates or a museum or something.

>>9480627
Considering the mess that happened in Florida, you're going to find people who want to stay away from indie events at all costs, or people who want to make up for how bad that was lol. I hope you find the latter lurking here. However, I recommend maybe messaging a mod of North America lolita events fb page to see if you can make a post for interest there too.

>>9480627
I think the problem with this is it would probably need to be done in ATL, and then A would have to get her hands in it and would ruin it. I think if the Alabama Lolitas tried something, it would be nice but most out of state Lolitas wouldn't travel to Alabama. Similarly the NOLA Lolitas could do something well, but they are far from most of the other SE coms.

>>9480080
try connecticut on the frills on FB.

>>9480672
Y'see that's what I was thinking but I figure A has a lot on her plate right now and might not even wanna touch it. I'm friends with her but I agree that she isn't exactly...yeah.
If we plan it far enough in advance we can place it in a comm that isn't ATL. I know ATL is really central to SE comms but honestly there's so much drama in Atlanta comm that most other lolitas wouldn't even wanna come.
>>9480656
Yeah, I'm glad I didn't go to that one lol. That's kinda what inspired me to ask this. I am the latter.

So I did some research and I'm definitely thinking the Biltmore Estate would be a GREAT place for a megameet. It's in Asheville. I have to call them and get their event pricing to gauge what ticket sales will be like but there's so much to do. There's an old fashioned toy shop, a confectionary, we could dine in the conservatory and book a flower arranging workshop, take a tour of the estate and have free time for girls to shop and do other activities that the biltmore offers.

I'm thinking ticket prices would include:
Admission to the biltmore, including an hour and a half guided tour and whatever seasonal exhibit/promotion is going on (Right now it's a historical fashion seminar which would be great but too short notice)
Price of the luncheon, which is farm to table
Price of the floral arranging workshop
Admission the fashion show and vendors
A wine tasting

VIP could include:
A carriage ride
Gift bags
Meet and greets with guests

Also if my band is up to par by then we could probably put on a performance. I also have a lot of circus artist friends that can do some cool things.

>>9480762
Side note: This will be a very pricey megameet. They tend to be, but with this venue...it's gonna take a lot of investing and work to make it happen.

>>9480762
>Biltmore
Awesome idea, lovely grounds, but.
>pricey
This doesn't even begin to cover it. How many people do you think would be interested in coming? You're looking at a $20,000 minimum event. It sounds cool but good grief.

>>9480774
Oh well shit nevermind then lol. Maybe we could do a group tour and some shopping there and do a tea at another location in Asheville? Cuz that would be like 75 dollars per person at most and I bet I can score a group discount if enough people are interested.

>>9480785
Asheville is lovely in general, and yeah, you could probably get a tour of the estate at a discount. Still, you could call Biltmore and ask for their quotes, because they DO have several different locations for their events, maybe one is in your budget for a smallish group?

>>9480792
Perhaps. Looking into good restaurants for a lolita-esque setting right now. So far not turning up any stones for a party as big as I'd like but it's a beautiful city with a lot of rich history and tons of stuff to do. Maybe make it a two day affair? Biltmore one day and high tea/vendors/fashion show the next?

>>9480798
Actually y'know what? I've never done breakfast for a meet. Do you think people would be interested in doing a 9 o'clock breakfast and then heading over to biltmore?

>>9460929
I'm in a smaller comm (~20 girls who are active), and we are about 2 hours away from a large comm (~200 active girls). For ILD, a few of our most active members are going to the larger comms meetup but also complain that our comm never does anything / always has a small turn out. It's really frustrating because they are the reason that our comm is dying. It sucks because its creating needless elitism in our group and driving away new members from the local comm who think our comm is in some weird competition with the larger one (not true, but I have heard a lot of newbies complain about this).

Does anyone else ever feel like they don't belong in the comm for political or ideological differences?

I'm not even Conservative (I guess I could be described as a classical liberal, skeptic, free speech absolutist) and I just feel so at odds with things I see people in my comm say online. I basically have to hide all of my opinions and thoughts and I feel like I have to be someone I'm not when I socialize, silently nodding and agreeing so that I don't get labeled a fascist or something. I have one lolita friend who understands me but she's basically a unicorn and lives out of state.

I would like to make friends but the longer I try the more I feel like maybe it's best to be a lonelita.

>>9480903
I live in another country where it would be fine to comment on their fb posts and disagree without being a cunt, so I can't really relate. But if they just post about it and don't try to convince you of their views at meets, I don't see the problem. What makes you think they would immediately treat you like a fascist? What SJW do on tumblr never happens irl as far as I'm aware.

>>9480907
Well it's not just online, things get brought up at in person too.

Not to get too off topic but to give an example I do not agree with the practice of banning conservative speakers from events they've been invited to and I've been asked if I am trying to be a fascist apologist or something for holding that belief. And i totally understand that what happens on tumblr doesn't translate to real life; I would be more concerned about something like silent ostracism rather than a tumblr screaming match

>>9480903
It should be lolita law that politics never get discussed in detail at meets. That shit is a recipe for disaster in any situation.

>>9480920
I wouldn't pretend to agree with them. I'd let them know it's not correct to treat someone differently because they have different political views, and that you wouldn't let that kind of thing get in the way of hanging out with people you otherwise get along with. Or just say you don't like discussing politics and change the subject. If you pretend to agree you don't know how they would react if you don't agree. But it kind of sounds like you feel left out because you actually want them to agree with you for them to become your friends.

To go with your example, I could disagree with that and have a discussion about it at a meet-up, but at the end of the day we would be fine because we don't let politics ruin friendships. However, I would never try to argue about identity politics or feminism because that's not just politics to those people.

>>9480762
I just looked it up and holy shit that place is to die for. How many castle-tier estates are there in the U.S.?!

>>9479539
The only person that starts with a B and I think wears aristocrat hasn't been to a meet in years or something.

>>9480936
Not a lot, at least not a lot that are open to the public.

Has anyone in this thread been to an event called "paradiso?" Something like a mix between a mega meet and wanting to be a j fashion convention.

>>9480903
This is literally me, including the unicorn out of state friend.

It really sucks because most girls in the comm are actually great people, but when gender stuff and politics come out it's just awkward. I try to ignore it because they really are nice people otherwise, and they don't ruin meets or anything.

The worst though are all of the black girls that are nice to me in person and outside of meets, but then post some really racist trash. I don't understand why you are trying to be my friend while posting that all white bitches are trash? Those are the only ones I can't ignore and tend to distance myself from.

>>9480997
I heard it's only worth going to if you live in state or nearby, nothing worth flying to

>>9476442
Are you talking about KP?

>>9479395
I also have this feel.

>>9480627
A few people were talking about having a weekend meet in a north Carolina bed and breakfast, go to a cafe or something, and go to the Biltmore. I don't think it ever panned out. I wish it had.

>>9480903
This is also 100% me. It's really disappointing to add a new lolita friend on social media and have my feed filled with nothing but unfounded political nonsense. For the most part, my comm keeps political topics to a bare minimum other than the occasional commiserating about health care reforms so it's not very obvious when I just don't participate.

How do you stop people making a whole meetup about their disabilities? One of the last meets I went to ended up with three or four girls having a disability-off, loudly diagnosing each other with new things, and everyone else was left feeling very uncomfortable because they were being so loud it was hard to actually hold a different conversation. I hadn't been to a meetup in a while and I don't want to be that nobody bitch who starts shit but even the meetup host seemed a bit embarrassed and tried to kerb the conversation.

>>9481228

If you walk fast away enough, they can't follow you.

>>9480935
Of course I don't expect everyone I'm friends with to agree with me 100%. It's just that the way they talk about things is so black and white, like "you're either with us or against us" and that's why I am less inclined to speak up about things. Like the discussion you just described is not something that would ever happen because for them there's no discussion to be had on that subject.

>>9481013
I'm black and I am incredibly uncomfortable with the casual racism I see directed at whites as well. I'm sorry you have to deal with that, anon. I try to speak up on it when I can but it usually just gets me dismissed as a traitorous Uncle Tom lol

A girl at my comm got explosive diarrhea at a meet and couldn't make it to the stall in time so she shat on the floor of the bathroom. Another girl walked in and saw the aftermath and it caused her to throw up over her JSK.

The girl who threw up is insisting that the original girl replace her JSK and original girl doesn't want to fork over the cash to replace it.

What's the worst thing to ever happen with your comm?

>>9482108
JESUS FUCKIN CHRIST

I know all lolitas are flakey, but goddammit. Everytime I see an event and people say "oh only if this many people say they'll go" and it piles up. Then during the week of the actual event, "I can't I made plans with friends to go to the beach". Wait what? You didn't say you were busy?

>>9481920
I just don't understand why they actively try to be my friend while hating white people? Same as how the gender snowflakes are my friends while hating cis people. Is that supposed to be a passive aggression thing?

>>9482108
Oh my g o d

>>9482108
as for the worst: I didn't want to inconvenience my comm during a meet so told them I was ok even though I was feeling worse and worse as the meeting proceeded (horrible pain in the abdomen,so bad i was pale and sweating AND it was hot). Then suddenly I just threw up and fainted, causing everyone to freak out.
I apologized a hundred times for causing trouble and felt terrible even though they assured me it was ok.

>>9482108
>this totally happened.

>>9481848
Not if you're at a seated meet. Lord give me strength or fewer fucks for giving

>>9480903
I feel this but it's like my entire life, not just the lolita comm. Apparently approaching politics with reason and even listening to opposing views will get you labeled a fascist.

>>9473147
That's not SQ just to let you know.

>>9482464
So have you been labeled as a fascist or do you just assume it would happen? Because a couple of people in my comm also complain that they can't express their views without getting called fascists,even though they're constantly expressing their views and everyone just ignores it.

>>9482464
"approaching politics with reason"
yikes. i mean if you say that, im sure people will start hurling insults back at you too.

>>9475781
omfg...I am in pain

>>9480903
Some of my lolita friends are as fashy as I am, the ones who aren't I simply don't talk about my political ideologies. If they bring it up talk about something else. I try to tone it down in lolita because its easy to get passionate.

>>9482108
This sounds like a copy pasta from a year or two ago when the whole thing with girly hoot was brought up about the poo thing,

>>9480903
This is just how society is in general. Not just with Lolita. Some people feel the need to express their political views openly and others (myself) prefer to keep them to theirselves. It's kinda one of those things to prevent conflict by not talking politics, religion and sex with others. Those that bring it up are looking to argue and honestly it's not what you're together for. There's a time and a place to talk politics and opinions on them, with Lolita meets and at work are not them as they are heated topics that can lead to forming bad images of you or others. You help no one by debating your political opinions. All it brings is a bad taste.

>>9480627
>>9480762
>>9480764

As someone who's hosted some large scale meetups, they're difficult. They take a ton of forethought and covering your ass --- also making sure your numbers are right or being willing to shell out $ yourself. Its not something to go into lightly. I'd suggest starting small with just swap meets at the park when the weather is good or something till you get a feel for what your area can handle.


>>9480656
I hope people don't take all indie events to be like Florida cause some of us can actually pull these things off.

>>9480672
It really comes down to seeing what the community can support. Who's within 3 hours of the venue? Is there other interesting things near the venue to go do something else the day before or after to make it worth being an overnight since 3 hours is a haul? --- And the biggest thing I saw with Florida's issue was "is it worth what theyre charging?" Is it worth the travel?
>>9480774 , >>9480762
Def doesn't cover it. People drag their feet spending $20 on events. This sounds easily... 150$ per person for base. ($40 for lunch, $40 for flowers, 30$ biltmore, 20$ fashion show, $20 wine...)

>>9482770
I still can't believe she got so upset that someone heard her fart. Like Jesus is she 5? Everyone does it. Farting is normal. Get over it.

>>9482670
I don't talk politics and I wouldn't say that to someone if I did. I've just observed that it's turned into a game of name calling on Facebook, which to me doesn't seem very reasonable.

>>9482781
This. I don't want to hear from the left or the right in a meet up. I just want to talk about frills. If I wanted to hear debate I'd stay at home and alternate between watching Fox and MSNBC

>>9482636
>>9473743
It's A SQ (lol). Just not THE SQ that's in HLC who is the one being discussed in these threads.

>>9481013
>>9481920
>>9482155
The gender stuff is pretty awkward but I usually manage to just smile and make noncommittal noises until they stop, and most of them have chilled out eventually as they grew older and got more life experience outside of their little bubble. The race stuff on the other hand makes me super uncomfortable. If a white lolita publicly said that they think all black people are ugly and evil she'd get a trillion secrets made about her and would be booted out of the comm, but it's somehow okay for the black members to say that all white people are ugly and evil because that's just, like, their honest opinion as a PoC UwU and reverse racism doesn't exist UwU
It doesn't have to be institutionalised racism for it to be really hurtful and alienating. One girl I have on FB once posted a comment about how the world would be a better place if a virus wiped out all white people. How much of a sociopath do you have to be to act all buddy-buddy with me at a meetup less than a day after posting that you’d be happy if I and my entire family died? “Just my opinion” doesn’t fly there, sis. Unless they expect us to not take their opinions seriously which seems pretty fucking counterproductive to achieving racial equality. I feel really bad for the reasonable black/PoC lolitas. It must really suck to be accused of being a traitor just because you’re not a hateful shit.

What's the Vancouver comm like?

I have a ticket to my comm's twin meet, but still no twin and the event is in 2 weeks.

>>9483379
Clone yourself.

>>9483379
Pick a well known dress/print you have and post to the comm page looking for someone else going with no one to twin with. I guarantee there'll be a fair amount of people who bought a ticket without someone to twin with or had their plans fall through. You might end up twinning squirrel party with some borderline ita, but that's just the price you'll have to pay.
I feel your pain, though. I'm a member of that comm and a twinning meet would be adorable... If I had friends.

>>9482680
>fash
/ourlolita/ confirmed

>>9483379
I wouldn't stress about it too much. Theme is never a must, plus I saw a bunch of posts asking about a big bunny group, some asking about specific prints. You might comb through those and see.

>>9483379
Diff anon but what's the etiquette for twin meet planning? I'm relatively new to the comm so my wardrobe isn't exactly common knowledge and I don't have any real friends yet, but I have plenty of prints and would love to twin. Should I make a public wardrobe album and post it to the event page? Or is it better to scope out other members' wardrobe albums for something I also have and message them about it? I'll happily twin with anyone but I'm not sure how other people feel about it and don't want to be weird or presumptuous.

>>9483420
So what all does it take to truly be "twinning"

Should it be the same dress in the same cut/color or just the same dress in general? Do the coords have to match blouses, leg wear, shoes, bags, and everything else?

Or is it literally just wearing the same dress

>>9483575
Everything you mentioned is twinning, but to me the ideal would be if it's the same blouse, mainpiece, accessories and shoes all styled the same but in a different colour

>>9460929
You guys, I'm seriously so jealous right now of the London comm... I've been following their progress with DMC and Tea Party Club seems to be knocking it out of the park with a fantastic event. Kira Imai? AP? Brand remote vending? VIP goodie bags and tea party and shopping and carriage rides...

Meanwhile my local comm barely gets people willing to pay $30 for a nice tea. How do these big events even happen?? Where does the money come from? I really just would like it to happen in my own comm or at least within a couple hour's driving distance... not over an entire ocean. :(

>>9483575
By cgl standards, every thing should match except hair, shoes, maybe bags and other minor accessories. By real life standards, no one cares as long as it's the same print. I always think different colorways of the same cut are fun. Try to make sure blouse, legwear and headwear are at least similar, if not identical.

Please for the love of god, can there not be outdoor meets during summer afternoons? If people overheat in normie clothes on those days, what makes you think wearing lolita is a good idea?

>>9484901
>Comm does one meet in the winter
>Has a whole bunch in the middle of the Southeastern summer heat
I mostly wear old school that ain't happenin
Indoors and outdoors in warm days are fine but when it's 95+ my petticoat starts roasting my beef and stinky vag doesn't go with my coords.

>>9484901
Just don't go then, everyone has different tolerances.

There's a comm near me that doesn't host many meets in the summer because it's "too hot", even though we live in a northern European country where it's not actually hot at all.

>>9483610
They built up a reputation over time, it didn't come out of nowhere. If you're a mod and you're serious you could probably even message one of the team to ask advice.

>>9482108
What the fuck?
>tfw you throw up just because you see shit on the floor
Like yeah, seeing people get sick is gross but if you're that sensitive to it you're probably going to fail at life.

I made a Salty Seagull Discord. If anyone cares to join just click the link.
https://discord.gg/s6EErR
Come spill the tea and chat about lolita.

New thread >>9487275