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8271740 No.8271740 [Reply] [Original] [rbt]

I just bought tickets to my first lolita tea party. The venue will have 100+ people at least, and I have not interacted with lolitas irl except for people I know who like the fashion as well from my highschool. Going to wear a safe coord for sure in the fear of being called ita, but other than that I'm super nervous for it.

What happens at a tea party and what do you do generally? I'm going with a friend but we both don't know anyone else who is going. Are there things you have to prepare beforehand/know of before attending so you don't embarrass myself?

>> No.8271771

Same thing as a regular tea party. You eat, drink, and talk, only in lolita.

The guest of honor may swing by your table and speak with everyone, but youll be mainly at your table.

>> No.8271779

Chill homegirl, you sound a little stressed about this. Lolita drama is 99% online.

There's gonna be photo ops, food and tea, geeky conversations, conversations about who's wearing what (more "is that blouse AP?" and not "ew you wore that with that?"). Since it's a big group i wouldn't he surprised if someone's on a mic or otherwise coordinating. Maybe a couple little games, a vote on a Best Whatever Coord.

Honestly it's a bunch of dweebs in pettis, you'll be fine. The only type of people who ever get actually barked at are people with no social skills or inside voice, and I don't think that'd be you.

>> No.8271804

Oh Anon I feel you. Going to my first fancy tea party this year as well and I'm already nervous as fuck.

>Same thing as a regular tea party.
I have never attended a tea party before. And I have never attended any "fancy" event either. How to behave? What to do? What do expect?
I thought I can just copy what everyone else does/how everyone else behaves but I'm still super anxious that I'll look like an uncultured swine who can't behaive herself at a Tea Party.

Pls seagulls share experience and advice...

>> No.8271930

Phew, thanks for the reassuring info. Yeah I think I've been on cgl a little too much lately. I'm really nervous but excited because I don't live near a comm that I can go to, so hopefully I'll finally be able to make lolita friends.

>Since it's a big group i wouldn't he surprised if someone's on a mic or otherwise coordinating
Misako's gonna be there! That's all I know about this meet, which makes me 100x more nervous.

>How to behave? What to do? What do expect?
Yeah I'm with you on this, anyone have any experiences to share about what might happen/anything out of the ordinary in any particular meets?

I'm hella nervous because I'm going to be wearing an AP dress but the only blouse I have that works with the dress is a taobao blouse and it isn't brand at all, is that okay to wear?

>> No.8271947

Tables of strangers are awkward and silent. Try to be seated next to someone who looks friendly and start a conversation with them.

>> No.8271963

>Misako's gonna be there! That's all I know about this meet, which makes me 100x more nervous.
You can do it Anon!

>I'm hella nervous because I'm going to be wearing an AP dress but the only blouse I have that works with the dress is a taobao blouse and it isn't brand at all, is that okay to wear?
Same question here. If I go to a tea party where a brand is present, do I have to wear full brand? How much of a faux pas would it be to wear a smaller piece (like a headpiece or blouse) from another Lolita Brand?

>Try to be seated next to someone who looks friendly and start a conversation with them.

>mfw I don't know anyone
>mfw I'm a foreigner and English is not my first language
I'm so afraid because not only am I socially awkward but also English is not my first language so I'm not only nervous about that but nervous that I drop my spaghetti everywhere and forget how2english.

>> No.8272019

>forget how2english.
Anon I'm on the same boat sometimes. I think if all else fails, body language and expressions can help a lot. As long as it looks like you're taking effort to convey what you mean, I think people will be attentive and try to figure out what you're saying.

>> No.8272066

If going to a tea party that is hosted by a brand, they will normally specify if they want you to wear that brand, and in most cases it's only the main piece that they want to be from their brand!

Otherwise wear what ever you want from what ever brand, as long as it's not a replica. Replicas are a definite no no at big event like a tea party.

>> No.8272072

Thanks anon! I will just try my best. I have to, I didn't buy expensive Tea Party tickets to sit around and feel sorry for myself.

I try to keep main pieces from the brand and won't wear Replicas. Though I thought about wearig Bodyline shoes (not the tea parties though but heels).
Friends of mine wore handmade accessoires/headdresses to the BtssB Tea Party and they were well-recieved so if all fails I'll just get something handmade.

>> No.8272080

Nothing drastic will happen. At worst someone might be a bit snappy or you might get girls who give you a bitchy look/start whispering to each other when you walk past. If anything major happens, no one will make a fuss about it until a couple of days after on BtB or here.
Also if it's a Baby tea party, I suggest not wearing AP and vice versa, because the two brands seem to hate each other, but AP dress with Taobao blouse is fine.

>> No.8272084

Replica shoes and bags are fine, but it's replica dresses that can be seen as severely disrespectful.

>> No.8272094

I wouldn't even dare to bring a replica bag. I would even buy brand shoes but alas they don't fit my big Western feet, so Bodyline it is. I hope I can get away with it as log as they aren't obvious tea party replicas.

>it's replica dresses that can be seen as severely disrespectful.
Has there ever been anyone dumb enough to show up in a Replica to such an event?

>> No.8272890

Got my first major tea party tickets as well, and my biggest concern is that I'm not "polished" enough to have proper table manners that suit the event. I've been practicing a bit with small tea meets with my comm members locally, but for some reason my coord doesn't worry me one bit, but my self-conscious side is getting the best of me on how my posture/tea manners/manner of eating might be perceived.

Disclaimer: I don't eat like a bull, I'm probably fine, but I'm still worried and would like some advice.

>> No.8273036

Put your napkin in your lap. Chew with your mouth closed. Don't talk with your mouth full of food. Take bites small enough that you can speak easily between bites. Bring your food to your mouth; don't hunch over your snacks and try to bring your mouth closer to your plate.

Feel better? Honestly manners are all about making others feel at ease--be polite to your tablemates, smile and look everyone in the eye and I'm sure no one will think poorly of you.

>> No.8273059

other small things your table-mates probably won't even know: Don't clang your tea spoon against the sides of the cup and don't leave it in there, use a folding motion to stir in sugar. If there are serving utensils use them (kind of obvious), only lift up the teacup, and only with one hand.


don't call it "high tea". That's all the little "tips" I can think of right now.

>> No.8273068

Is it just me, or is it really creepy how they all look as though they're wearing the same dress in different colours?

>> No.8273226

>really creepy how they all look as though they're wearing the same dress in different colours
They all have the same silhouette too

>> No.8273339

>don't call it "high tea"
Dear god this. High tea is basically an evening meal with tea, most lolita tea parties are considered afternoon or low.

Also, don't deliberately stick your pinkie out. If you want to do the dainty and delicate dining schtick, hold everything with your thumb, index, and middle finger only.

If you have anything stuck in your teeth, cover your mouth with a napkin and sort it out with your tongue, or excuse yourself and pick at it in the washroom to your heart's content.

>> No.8273807
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I thought these might be useful for you anon. Sorry some of the images aren't great in the spine area :S

Explanation of blurry bit

-Don't hold the saucer under your cup when you drink. You should leave it on the table.
-Don't leave your teaspoon in your teacup. Stir as needed then place it on the saucer.


>> No.8273811
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-Peel cupcake 'shell' (sorry having a mind blank) away. Using your fingers are ok.
-Don't wave cutlery around. When using rest close to the table and plate.


>> No.8273814

Oh god I just realised I used an emote. I-I think I need to rethink my current circle of friends...

>> No.8273825
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- don't grip your teacup like an ape, use your index, middle and thumb to hold the handle. Rest your other fingers along the other fingers sides, don't curl them underneath or through the handle.
-Don't place your bag on a table, if you must put it somewhere, put it on a seat next to you.


>> No.8273841

Thank you so much Anon!

Most of this shouldn't be too hard, I just have to try my best to remember them. Most of this seems common sense anyway (not putting your bag on the table for example).

Now I'll just have to practice eating gracefully and hope I don't get too nervous and drop spaghetti and tea everywhere.

>> No.8273844

not anon who posted (thanks!) but i'll just say i think most of these are just guides
you can follow them to the t if you're going to a large event and are worried what people might think of you, but honestly, would you look down upon someone for putting their finger through the cup handle, or not putting their tea spoon back on the saucer?

sure, common stuff like chewing with your mouth closed would be great, and don't be too loud or rambunctious

>> No.8273849

Different anon, but if my pinky sticks out on it's own, is that okay? It's naturally done that for years for me (i.e. Stopping a staff during an overhead swing in martial arts, grabbing people's wrists/arms). My pinky does it naturally and I've had family members make fun of it (jokingly of course), so should I force myself to not do it so people don't judge me during tea, or should I just let it happen? I've gone to a few tea meetups and I totally forgot that my pinky does the thing

>> No.8273885


Poster here. It really depends on the setting to be honest. For casual settings I think you could easily get buy with out these very specific table manners but it really does depend on how you choose to deport yourself.

If its a special occasion meetup, it's sometimes viewed as a semi-formal or formal occasion. Outside of lolita, formal or semi-formal occasions require a different dress code, but also different etiquette and deportment.

You may choose to follow the guidelines or not, it won't really be frowned upon if you don't (maybe the most haughty lolitas might care) but I feel that like in normal 'world' formal/semi formal occasions where certain behavior is expected we should at least attempt to dust off or formal table etiquette.

Sorry to say that this is indeed a bit of a faux pas. It's frowned upon a little where table manners are concerned. If you personally don't care about what people may think of this then don't bother correcting the behavior, but if you do care then it might be something to work on.

Fun fact! The aristocracy used to lift their pinky fingers, and sometimes more fingers, from their glasses or cups to show their displeasure for having to touch something that a black servant had handled.

>> No.8273914


I look at it the same way I would look at minor fashion errors. I wouldn't necessarily come out and condemn someone for it but it is impossible for me to not notice when someone buttons the bottom button on their blazer/suit jacket, mismatches their collar spread to their face and/or mismatches their necktie knot to their collar spread, or wear's a dive watch to a formal or semi-formal affair.

>> No.8274089


>> No.8274152

Probably. I've heard a few stories of girls wearing replicas to brand events.

>> No.8274211

Out of curiosity is anyone in this thread going to the Royal Adventure Tea party? So excited to meet Kimura U!

>> No.8274279


These are very neat scans, thanks for posting them! I've gotta ask, though: is the bottom right bit on the third page really saying that you shouldn't use your cellphone while wearing lolita? How is she supposed to carry around that book with just that tiny pony purse?

>> No.8274342

>anyone in this thread going to the Royal Adventure Tea party?
OP here, I'm actually going to the Royal Adventure Tea party and freaking out about it..

It'll be my first time going to an actual event, so just being careful / asking for advice just in case.

Thank you so much for the guide, it's little etiquette things to know and I'm so glad you posted it!

>> No.8274366

Oh my gosh I can't wait to see everyone there! HLC has gotten some pretty friendly girls recently and a lot of lovely people from Austin are coming too. Daniela the Mexican kawaii ambassador is also super friendly so you don't need to worry! I probably won't figure out who you are or anything but I'll try to be sociable. Not my first meet or anything but this is also my first tea party so thanks for making this thread!

>> No.8274367

Are there any rules about decorative gloves? For example, when you're eating do you have to take them off?

>> No.8274391

Thank you guys for all the nice tips and stuff, it really helps knowing a little bit more before attending an event. I'm actually not from the surrounding area at all so I'll still be nervous, but hopefully it'll work out.

Same, I'll also try to be chatty, we might get to talk to each other, who knows. Is there some secret code for seagulls? haha

>> No.8274396

It's "caaaawwwwWWWWWW"

>> No.8274436


>> No.8274459

i googled it because i did not know etiquette about gloves either, but are you asking for info that is not available via English language Google results?

what i found:

>3.) Remove your gloves before eating anything, either at or away from the table.

>4.) At the table, lay your gloves on your lap, with your napkin laid over them.

from http://www.mannersmentor.com/personal-polish/are-these-coming-back-into-fashion-if-so-youll-want-to-know-this

>> No.8274464

>It is improper to dine with ones gloves on. Remove your gloves before sitting down to dine.

>The exception is for long, formal gloves with buttons at the wrist. It is acceptable to unbutton, remove ones fingers and hands and fold back, to the wrist, the lower portion of the glove without removing the upper portion from your arm.

>If the gloves have no wrist buttons, the gloves should be removed in their entirety before dining.

from http://whatscookingamerica.net/EllenEaston/EtiquetteFauxPas.htm

which, btw, says raising the pinky was done back when teacups had no handles. anon's claim about not wanting to touch contaminated goods seems suspiciously apocryphal; this seems a bit more likely. either way it is improper to do though.

>> No.8274465

I was wondering if someone were to dress in super OTT classic and wanted to wear rings and gloves together if it was okay? I did google that, but I just wanted to make sure if it was acceptable in lolita or not because it's not exactly a historically accurate fashion, but shares many rules with the past.

>> No.8274481

for that it might come down to logistics. if you are supposed to remove gloves before eating, you would also need to remove your jewelry. then put the jewelry back on. that is probably part of why it is more proper to wear gloves over such things.

if you think you will feel akward removing and replacing jewelry before you sit for tea it might be better to forgo that. can save the look for other occasions?

>> No.8274483

You're going to the one in Houston, huh? This should be my throwaway email, if you wanna chat beforehand or anything like that. No need to be nervous! A couple of my friends (from cgl actually) and I are going and we would love to hang out with you.

>> No.8274485

but wasn't the pinky thing also to use as a kickstand while setting the cup down in order to not make a lot of noise?

>> No.8274638

I was wanting to go but never been to their two recent teaparties. Heard they improved a bit but curious if it's worth it?

>> No.8274794

It's my first tea party and they're offering a full course dinner I think? It is pricey but the venue is nice and I really want to meet Kimura U and Daniela (fb buddies but didnt get a chance to chat much at AM) so to me, it's worth it. It's really your choice, and it seems like tickets are still on sale so you can take your time deciding.

>> No.8275322
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I will suck a dick for an AN tea party ticket. I heard a lot of people outside of the comm got tickets and am rustled at the idea of dozens of itas getting in while I sit outside eating stale bread and cursing at them.

>> No.8277296

So what are the rules for left handed people? Just discreetly re-organize my cup/forks/etc, keep everything in its' place and just use my left hand or should I rather start practicing using my right hand?

>> No.8277974
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You have finally made it, welcome to the tea party pic related.

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