/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>Be me back in high school
>Got a date with a cute goth girl
>Go to the graveyard and shoot the shit with some deadies
>Everything going well, we're kissing as we wax our angst against each other
>Get hungry
>Go to dennys
>Get a hamburger with some coffee
>We continue vibing well and I start thinking she's the one
>Start getting ready to head out to a nearby park for some fun
>Bathroom first
>Finish up and start washing my hands
>Pop some gum and examine myself in the mirror
>Notice back side of me is covered in mud from sitting in the graveyard
>Somehow think it's a good idea to wash it
>Take a bunch of toilet paper and start wiping my ass in the sink
>Soon after a worker walks in and sees me doing this
>Yells and walks the fuck out
>Stop and follow with a sopping wet ass
>Starts yelling at his co-workers that some guy shat himself in the bathroom
>Date is waiting for me by the doorway in clear earshot
>Walk up to her and force a laugh without acknowledging the guy
>As we leave, worker comes back out and stops us
>Asks me if I made a mess
>Threatens to call cops before I even respond
>Tell him I couldn't shit anyway because I was with a lady
>Date visibly irritated by me
>Tell the guy to fuck off and walk out
>Awkward silence gets broken by her asking if I was okay
>Tell her I am and that the guy just barged in at a bad time
>Notice a really bad smell
>The wet mud on my ass was reeking still
>Get told she's tired and wants to go to sleep so I take her home
>Walk her to her door and tell her I had a blast
>She did too
>Go in for a kiss
>Start frenching
>Somehow think it'd be the sexiest thing ever to spit my gum into her mouth
>Shoot that shit down her throat and cause her to start coughing
>Hacks it back up and spits it out
>Looks at me in complete disgust and storms inside
>Walk away and sit in my car until daybreak wondering why I did these things
>mfw she tells everyone what happened at school and everybody starts giving me shit for it until I graduate.