/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>10259067
>Food stories that never happened
I made a pizza that made Pamela Anderson have sex with me, but it was like the hot Pamela Anderson from the 90's.

>>10259071
Dude, you probably have an imaginary sexual disease now, and Hep.

>>10259067
>>10259071
> food stories that never happened
I made a foie gras amd scallop dish so good one time that made Marco Pierre White fuck me in the ass, but it was like the hot MPW from the 90's.

>>10259067
A tire salesman stopped by my house and was given such poor service that he stripped me of my Michelin star.

>>10259377
>he thinks the Michelin Guide is still part of the tyre manufacturing company
Retard.

>>10259386
It is. Who do you think pays the bills?

>>10259067
Maybe don’t be a fatty in public. I would be ashamed to go for more than 3 slices. You don’t have to eat so much you can’t move. It’s not like a potluck where everyone brings enough to feed 4 people.

>>10259067
Sad thing is, I think this might actually be a true story.
Fat ass with no self control, ability to moderate behavior in public and anger issues towards women, seems plausible.

>if you're going to police what people fucking eat.
Usually you don't have to, but every once in a while a blubbernaut shows up and someone has to say something.

>>10259438
it's a pizza party at work. the boss bought a fixed amount of pizza and any leftovers will be wasted or taken home (and really, are you fooling anyone taking an entire pizza home to your apartment to eat by yourself?)

>>10259406
It was sold to Conde Naste publishing in the late 1990's, fuckwit.

My workplace (150 employees of a 400,000+ employee company) has a cookout for every major holiday. This specific holiday was 4th of July. Hotdogs and hamburgers, basic stuff. Cheap too.

They make a bunch in advance and keep it in foil pans so people can grab and go. Well, it's the middle of summer, and I'm fucking hungry after my 10 hour shift of manual labor.
I had 2 hotdogs, then another 3, and and 4 or 5 more after that.
The next day there was a food monitor in the break room, you could only get 2 of anything.

Felt bad, man.

>>10259067
Take an extra one, look each one of them in the eye in turn, then tell them to fuck off.

>>10259454
lol blubbernaut

>free pizza luncheon
>Oh but you can only have two of those measly pieces cut extra slim for parties

If I'd known I would have just brought my own fucking lunch, cunts.

>>10259466
what are jokes
what is this thread

>>10259665
>asking them to cut it 6 times for 12 slices
>instead of just asking for square cut
god this makes me so fucking mad

>>10259672
you're not funny. fuck off

>>10259067
>not thinking 9 or 10 slices is excessive
>eating that much in public
you need to think some stuff over, fatty fatty boombalatty

>be me
>be at pancake breakfast with friends
>so exhausted that I fall asleep in my pancakes
>wake up abruptly and yell "I'M PANCAKE...I mean...awake"

Oh man was that a humiliating debacle

>>10259465
>abundant food makes it ok to eat like a fatty in public
It’s your choice. If it makes you feel any better, no one lost any respect for you, because they didn’t have any respect for you to begin with.

>>10259466
You are thinking of High Times.

>>10259067
>make a homemade coconut cream pie
>first one to try a slice
>super sweet as fuck
>realized I used sweetened coconut milk PLUS sugar
>silently take the pie away before anyone eats that mess

And that, kids, is why you always read the label before buying

>tfw ate like half an extra large in front of my gf
>also ate up all the dessert too
Hahahahaba im so fucking fat, why is that loser with me

>>10259753
>their respect for me hinges on my eating habits
nothing of value was lost

>>10259067
Fat people deserve death.

I've had lots of women invite me to eat with them on service calls over the years.
Lots of men have offered me beer.

I've never accepted because it might appear unprofessional.

>>10259454
I've met fat shits like the OP.

At my last job we had to work thanksgiving, Christmas and new years.
They catered food.

I watched him eat entire cakes, pies, and take home pounds of meat.
When they catered sandwiches, he'd eat for at least 2, often 4 people.

This regularly resulted in people not getting any.
He felt the lower tier employees didn't really deserve it because they they only made half our pay.

So he was also a narcissistic, self important, fuckhole.

>>10259949
>I'm autistic and believe it's unprofessional to even have a meal with someone and so should you

>>10259977
be careful of women

How about you quit being a nigger who reposts month old threads on different boards for the reply count?

>>10259067
Even if I'm fucking starving I will ALWAYS moderate my food intake in a party situation according to the general trend of everyone else. Coming across like a fatty in public is the worst of all embarrassments, and I'm not even remotely fat.

>>10259971
its somehwo the opposite for me
there's always shit in abundance
then I eat a shit ton and they tell me to have some more and not be a pussy

>>10259991
I've lost lots of coworkers over women from various jobs over the years.
I'm careful not to get into anything.
Except for once, and honestly, she would have been worth getting canned over.

>>10260037
This, never do anything that you'd be uncomfortable explaining to your boss. Don't fuck around with women, either, they could always call in and claim you were acting inappropriately if you piss them off

>be me
>go with some friends to hear some rabbi talk
>everybody is hungry as fuck
>planners only provided 5 loaves and 2 fishes for what seems like a few thousand
>rabbi speaker comes over to measly food
>mumbles a bit
>everybody eat fish and loaves until they think their little bellies will burst
>so much left over, it's what we eat later on while watching the Romans crucify the rabbi
>almost ironic, isn't it

>>10259732
Wow you're hilarious. So random lmao god I wish I could be funny and crazy like you. Bet no one knows what you'll do next!

>>10259732
HAHA LOLZ TEH RAHNDOMLY kill yourself

>>10260103

>be me
>be at a wiener roast/bingo party with people from work
>so tired I fall asleep while playing bingo
>wake up abruptly and yell "I'M A WIENER!" ...I mean "bingo"

Oh man seems like somebody at work brings my utter humiliation up at least once a day

>>10259108
>amd

>>10260064
not they could. They will.

Women dont handle problems themselves. -they bring in other men, usually suckers, to solve their problems. And those men often are police, bosses, Hr department, authority figures, etc. They dont make the distinction.

It's not that you're wrong necessarily. It's that proving that you're right is too much trouble, so you're getting canned,

>>10260141
love 4chan

>>10260202
Well 4chan doesn't love you redit boi so get the fuck outta here

>>10259067
>nice party huh anon
>yeah sure I guess
>so why aren't you eating anything?
>I am eating things
>No I mean aren't you gonna eat the chicken?
>Well uh
>Oh I remember AREN'T YOU VEGAN? IS THIS WHAT VEGANS EAT?
>can you please lower your voice
>AHAHAH I FORGOT YOU WERE A V E G A N ANON MY BAD
>everyone is like half paying attention
>I can't go to work parties anymore

>>10259946
Considering you’re a fat shit because of your eating habits, they justifiably don’t respect you because of them.

>>10260273
But how did he know you were vegan? Oh right yeah cos you couldn't keep your fuckin mouth shut and had to tell him even though no one gives a fuck about your dietary choices

>>10260211
lol u sound pretty tough

>>10260001
Okay. So I'm not the only one that does this shit.

>>10260283
>I've been working three years here
>complained about a wedding reception once for banter
>it haunts me now

>>10260298
Of course not. Being the fatty is worse than being the drunk, unless the drunk sexually harasses someone and throws up.

>>10259067
>Friend helps me buy a party platter of sushi
>Should be 60 pieces of rolled sushi and 30 pieces of Nigiri
>Too excited to actually check
>Too confused by deal to let friend who knows what he is talking about to place order
>End up gabble-gooo-ing order
>Get only half-order for same price and half of friends special order stuff
>Still dont know difference between Super-white Tuna and fatty/Super-Fatty-Tuna because occasionally the word Super is used in context with both
>Call to complain with no intent to drive 40 minutes back to do anything
>Friend realizes the "regular" who just walked in and grabbed a couple bags probably ate the other part of our order
>Why you mad at me for eating continuously?!
>Why you mad I eat enough for three people even though you pay for gas to drive 2 hours!
>Why you mad I eat several share even if you pay half! I only eat 1/3-1/2!
>I know plan was to share with 4 people but 4th person not here! Oh what do you mean you want to take some home!!!! I MUST CONSUUUUMMMEEEE!!! FAT AS FATASSS ACTIVATE!!!!

>>10260283
What fucking planet do you live on where your friends don't know what you do/don't eat?

>>10260273
Learn to take a fucking joke bro.At most go hit him with a rock or a stick or something else that you eat

>>10259996
how about you stop being emotional

>>10260329
>just take a joke dude lol haha

>>10260333
Probably a redit fag who thinks this board is only for posting pictures of reverse seared tomohawk steaks and activated almonds

>>10260351
you're a freak, people are going to gawk at you take it in stride

>>10260313
>act like a dickhead
>get treated like a dickhead

>>10259071
dude it is not imaginary, there is always the unaware fatass that can eat 5 peoples worth of food and horrify any other fat person because they have no shame.

>>10260313
>complained about a wedding reception once for banter
That is not how banter works. You were just trying to make conversation. This is yet more proof that americans cannot into banter.

>>10260322
Your story becomes incoherent at the end. Who is mad at who here, and why?

According to the story, you are the one who fucked everything up.

>>10260373
>he's never spoken with friends about personal matters before

>>10260371
>be very humble and polite in what I consider formal settings
>someone makes a scene
>I don't have to show up anymore
Later losers

>>10260436
cuck

>be me
>be confined to a prison work farm in the South
>fucking so boring, say "I can eat 50 egg"
>ain't no one can eat 50 egg!
>eat 50 egg
>become work farm hero of sorts
>get killed because I'm a Jesus metaphor
>feels bad man
>sometimes nothing is a real cool hand

>>10260441
Cuck, haha fucking KEK am I right? Fucking MEME'd.

>>10260149
Dear god

>>10260459
Fuck off redit, you're not funny

>>10259067
>not saying "woah guys, you should know that I'm bulking" and then tell a comic story about your shenanigans on the manlet pitt

not gonna make it with that attitude

>>10260064
MIKE PENCE RULE

>>10260333
>>10260369
I can see right through your facade. Go back, stay back and take your shitty webms with you

>>10259672
you are not fooling anyone ya boob

>>10260518
Don't speak about yourself like that

>count slices
>count ounces
>count chips
at the end of the night we tally

>>10260537
I know he got called out for being sexist and I understand where people are coming from but it really is a good rule. I have played into office flirting a couple times because the girls were hot but it really is shitting where you eat.

The only way I'd do it again is if the chick was marriage material.

>>10259067
It's called gluttony.

>>10259067
I fucking hate it when ppl call out on me like that. And it gets worse when ppl started turning around and laughing because if it

>be 13-ish
>at a friend's house
>his dad brings home deli food for dinner for me, friend, friend's little sister, and himself
>scooping myself some mac n cheese
>little sister watching me
>"you know, our dad has to eat too."
>feel intense shame

10 years later this memory still haunts me and now I never shame people for eating a lot

I feel OP. I struggled with Bulimia for nearly 10 years, and prior to that Anorexia for 4 or 5. It was first about weight, but later a weird fixation about food, my ability to control things, etc. Would be able to starve for days, but then break down and compulsively eat. It was all or nothing. One bite or meal and the whole day was ruined.

I guess the hardest were work functions such as OP. Pizza parties, I would eat like 10 slices, then like 10 cookies, 3 sodas. People would scoff and laugh but also think it was comic because I was not fat. Still am not, but have gotten to a healthy weight. Which is messed because my body image was all messed. I weighed 115 lbs at 6'1 but thought somehow the right weight was 95lbs.

Holidays with family was also a hard part. I would get blitzed because I was so anxious around the huge amounts of food. Then my appetite was voracious and I'd eat a ton. Again my family and cousins and such would find it more humorous but to me I was ashamed and anxious and depressed because of it.

Lastly buffets. So much food and you want it all.

The only positive and it dies sound fucked up is that I could use it as a tool, such as betting friends and going to food challenges. Won some money doing challenges and contests.

>>10260456
>be you
>be so gay and lame you pretend you're Paul Newman because you're so gay and lame

Good one.

>>10259067
So everyne can have a slice

>>10259067
Oh god I remember this thread!

>hey anon what do you want for Christmas?
>Chocolate
>oh cool, everyone else just said "surprise me"
Does she know I'm a gluttonous bastard?

>>10259946
>People's respect is dependent on being sociably amiacable in their view.
>Thinking that eating basically an entire large pizza in public view, even over the course of an afternoon is such behavior

>>10259732
I laughed. If there were a youtube vid of this event I'd laugh even more.

>>10259753
I'm skinny and wouldn't hesitate to eat as much as I want. I know I'd probably get judged less than a fatty. Shit's cash

That's a stale pasta

>>10259386
>Tyre

>>10259067
Good thread lol

>>10259067
Where do you work that they cut you off.

Our office orders enough that we could each eat a whole fucking pizza because they know the IT department is full of BIG BOYS

>>10259949
Bruh are you trying to not advance your career?
People are trying to figure out if you are a normal person or not when they do that. It isn't unprofessional at all. My best relationships with bosses occurred after we had a few beers together.

>be me
>order 4 pizzas for me and my hot gf
>eat all 4 pizzas
>gf says oh god anon you're so hot
>gives me head while I eat 4 pizzas

>>10262318
Nice. Who bummed, or did you take turns?

>>10259067
Kys selfish fatass

>>10259067
>pull out a few dollar bills.
>give them to stacy or just throw them if she doesnt accept
>eat more pizza.

>>10262437
Is this some kind of gay slang? It's interesting how the most homophobic people have an intricate fluency in gay subcultural terminology.

>>10262462
Apologize and delete this now.

>>10259067
>>pizza party at work

Why do things like this even exist? Work is for work. I don't want to have "pizza parties" with my co-workers.

>>10262523
Morale.

>>10260540
this

Eat for the job you want, not the one you have.

You did good anon, assert your dominance. You could have eaten all the pizza, but you showed restraint. That was you weakness. Life is
a contest, and you triumphed. Roasties can only hurt you with words, psychological warfare. You scared her, put her in her place, and that harpie went batshit and tried to crank the warfare up another level. This was not fair game, but neither is life. Soldier up anon, and put on your warface.

>>10259067
Well I agree that you shouldn't "police what people eat" at a pizza party, but that also requires people to be aware of how much they're eating compared to the others there. If four people share a pizza of ten slices and one guy eats five of those without a care then he'll rightfully be seen as an asshole.

>>10262969
They shouldn't need to police him in the first place. This isn't even about gluttony, it's about autism, most people just know how to conduct themselves better in this sort of situation. His co-workers must have felt just as awkward as he did for even needing to call him out on this.

>>10262978
That's what I mean, the reason people can advertise a pizza party at work is becacuse it's expected that grown people have the basic decency and understand not to fucking stuff their face with no regard for other people

>>10259067
Do Shart in Marts actually do this?

>>10262941
Nah, he's just autistic and makes everyone else uncomfortable. I remember at an office pizza party there was one slice left with everyone standing around unsure of what to do. I acted decisively and took it for myself. That's alpha.

>>10259067
Skeleton here. It's okay man I go for the same amount and nobody says anything to me because I'll call the fat fucks who don't have enough room.
Tell them you need to maintain your body weight somehow with a smile.

>>10262969
When I go to pizza parties there's like 20-25 boxes of pizza.
These people need to shut their traps or have their own private parties

>>10262373
Tfw this is something that nearly happened to me, but not as a joke

>>10262991

>>10259377

>>10263225
>united s

>>10260533
kek

>>10259949
>my japanese boss wants to drink with me
>I know he'll respect my professionalism when I decline
Ho boy

>>10259067
>family complains i never got family celebrations
>go to Christmas dinner this year
>first one to get turkey
>aunt says, whoa leave some for everyone else!

I only took a few pieces and it was a giant 22 lb turkey or something. There was a mountain of turkey left after everyone had eaten. I just ate as fast as i could then left without even saying goodbye.

>>10259732

>>10259732
>>10261329
Haha. Epic! It'd be awesome if they pulled this gag off in a cartoon. It would be so cute and funny!

>>10263648
>>my japanese boss wants to drink with me
>>I know he'll respect my professionalism when I decline
>>10259949
you have to drink till you puke on him, then pretend it never happened, call you'reself a weeb?

>>10263672
could it be she was joking? you fucking autist

>Go to cookout with black friend
>All the burgers and steaks are cooked "well done"
>Just ate two hot dogs and some pasta salad

>>10259386
>he thinks it isn't

>>10260885
Not the guy you were replying to but jeez, work on your banter anon. You sound like a 12 year old.

Most of mine are having to evacuate my flat and all of those nearby because I got drunk, fell asleep, then the building filled with smoke.

When I was younger I used to be a real piece of shit.

>>10263008
>takes last piece of pizza
>alpha
>not realizing he's the old maid

Taking a slice of pizza really doesn't prove dominance over anything. It's fucking pizza at work for christ sakes.

>>10259067

I did that once at work and ate 14 large slices and everyone was impressed by my eating capacity.

>>10262462
>is bummed gay slang?
>huh how would anyone not taking it up the ass know what bummed meant?

retard alert, retard alert we've got a hot one

I'm head over heels with Anon. I hunt down her every post, obsessively open every thread, refreshing like a madman in the hopes she'll contribute.

When I spot her, I save everything, make every one of her recipes, try every one of her suggestions. I have a secret stash of her unique dishes, leftovers saved for when I miss her, just for me, only for me.

A few nights ago, I woke up at around 3 with the intense need to feel her somehow. Hadn't spotted her in a couple of days, and she's a frequent poster so I was actually getting worried. Open-open-open-refresh-refresh-refresh. Nothing. So I pulled out one of her dishes from the freezer, warmed it up and started eating, slowly, indulgently, all the while day(night?)dreaming what she might look like, the sound of her voice.

My wife woke up, wandered into the kitchen. She made a joke about having to try the amazing food that actually got me out of bed and into the kitchen at that time.

She did.

One mouthful.

She declared it the best X she's ever had and left the kitchen mightily impressed with my cooking abilities along with an extorted promise that I'd make it for her soon.

Two days later, I am still both ashamed and annoyed. That was my mouthful. Mine. I feel out of balance. I'm not complete.

>>10259732

Oh my god that's an old reference

>>10264161
He's obviously from redit. Their wit and sense of humor are exceptionally lacking.

>>10259489
So you ate 14 hot dogs total? Wow. Nice going

>>10260149
>not buying the dip

>>10259071
>but it was like the hot Pamela Anderson from the 90's.

Early 2000s Pam is best Pam.

>>10260540
Seconded

>>10266022
What the fuck are you on about, stupid cunt.

>>10264195
this, at work the boss would occasionally get a subway platter or a bunch of pizzas for 6 people... they'd have like two slices/two sandwiches and they'd be done but I'd eat who knows how many
then again I was out in the warehouse and already eating like a horse most days

>>10266063
look at this faggot go... stop it you already got me laughing lmfao

>>10266103
Ah yes, the typical redit fag. Can't back up their statements with reasoning because they're mindless idiots who just parrot what they see other people say. Absolutely pathetic

>>10266110
yeah yeah don't be so hard on yourself, m8 lmfao STILL

Im not defending OP's selfishness but I could easily eat a whole large pizza if I didnt eat that day and im not even overweight.

>>10262462
>he isn't an ironically homophobic man that engages in gay sex while preaching death to all faggots
Weak.

>>10266121
Yeah nice one

can you stop responding to the bait, ive seen this exact thread posted atleast twice before this

Why can't OP just wallow in his lard and be forgotten, this has been for too long. Reach the limit already, you're all just feeding the fat.

>>10260383
this
I'm a fat fuck but I'm really careful about eating in public for this reason

>>10266170
It is impossible that roasties would chastise their male co-workers for acting like a man more than once in America... please try to think before you post.

I kept quiet as another female employee at chick fil a stuffed things in her mouth without gloves at any given chance. As round as she is/was tall. Be a dick or not with given constraints? You know you"re a fat fuck, who am I to say. I know your sad life history to explain for it and you know mine yet we're very different. Southern hospitality, have a nice day.

>>10262523
it's a great way to get out of work while getting paid

>>10260322
Who types like this? Is English a second language for you?

>pitch in money for pizza at party
>some fatass eats the entire pizza I picked out toppings for before I even get a piece

>>10261303
she's legitimately relieved that she actually knows what to buy you
having to do secret santa or something and they don't give you any idea what they want is the worst fucking thing

>be me
>pour hot sauce on cupcake
>eat it
>friends all look at me like I'm weirdo

What? It's good.

>>10266366
>faggot
>f....faggot
>faggot faggot
>faggot

That's what's you sound like

>>10259067
OP get some help, go to a gym there is still hope you can do it.

I still believe in you.

>be me with friends
>be discovering our friends secret party planning room
>friend reads my secret party file
>reveals that I like vanilla ice cream, red ballooons, but am afraid of quesadillas

I'm not afraid of them....they're just so, cheesey

>>10259991
Just be like Pence, never alone with women always have a witness, if you can't then don't.

do americans really have a pizza police division of law enforcement?

>Big boss coming from Europe to spend a few days with us going over the closure of our branch
>Comes in before lunch, tells my boss he's hungry and ready for the most NZ lunch he's ever had
>Boss tells me to go and grab something 'NZ-y' for the 7 of us plus his 2 accompaniments
>Grab like $10 worth of chips, half a dozen Terakihi, Snapper and Hoki, couple fried mussels and potato fillets
>Sammitch bread, aoli, tartare, lemon/pepper, butter, couple lemons and a dozen cans of coke
>Bust into the office and yell out LUNCH IS HERE
>Big boss comes over and sees the fish 'Oh I don't like fish, not to mention everything there is deep fried'
>Tell him this is a signature NZ lunch
>We end up going out to some faggot restaurant that only serves coffee and salads
I still can't tell if everyone felt bad for me or was judging me. Fuck you cunts, you said get an NZ lunch.

>>10260635
He only got called out by liberals for pretty much being Trump's running mate and they haven't trashed him in awhile the electroshock thing was kinda funny but ultimately untrue and faded away. They just wanted to take a sensible rule he has and make it sinister some how

>>10266319
>letting a fat guy take over your shit

>>10266543
I would honestly be judging the shit out of the big boss for that
>Goes to a region claiming to want local cuisine
>Obviously have no clue what the local cuisine is comprised of
>Uncultured trash but nobody will tell him because he can fire you
I sympathize but honestly he would piss me off to work for unless it was just like a rare social faux pas

>>10266543
Should have stuck with the classic NZ snag

>>10266647
The cunt would have probably requested diet tofu cheese sizzlers.

>>10266608
Yeah, it really threw me. I thought, hey maybe when he thinks of 'food' he thinks of going to local restaurants, etc, not the fish n chip shop for a feed on the beach watching the yachts fuck around in the harbour. But then, the only difference with an upperclass place is the 'presentation' and 'atmosphere'. Why bother going to a country and have a coffee at the same old bloody place you can find anywhere else?

>>10259067
Cooked my mom some breakfast for her birthday once, and the eggs were undercooked. I guess that kinda sucked.
In class filled with "liberal" equal rights men hating women and one homosexual I grew up with
>"hey Anon, there's pizza"
>thanks
>"Anon, do you want one more slice?"
>Are you going to throw perfectly good food away?
>"well yeah, we don't want any more"
>sure
I go into the bathroom and see that my entire face is covered in dry skin from my morning shave. I guess that was pretty embarrassing. I also once split pizza sauce on my high school class shirt in front of one of the hottest twins I've ever seen in my life when we were out bowling on our final days. I did have a friend throw an orange once and knock a couple of squirrels having sex from off a fucking tree, might be one of the funniest moments of my life really. Thought I should add that to the mix. Oh yeah, and fuck eating out with an 18, 19 year old when people around the damn place think they can indirectly speak to you. Drives me up the fucking walls.

>balls are sore as fuck after an incident involving a pool with too much chlorine
>read that oatmeal is good for your skin online
>decide to take the plunge and make some for my balls
>accidentally make too much, but decide to take the rest of it with me to work as my lunch
>work, lunchtime
>coworkers are intrigued by me having oatmeal porridge for lunch, but have better things to do than give me shit for it
>get up to wash my bowl
>hear a coworker behind me say "HOLY SHIT, ANON"
>turn around, and apparently the oatmeal had been dripping out of my underwear
>first thought is to make it clear i didn't shit myself
>so i put some of the oatmeal on the floor on my finger, show it along with the bowl and say "it's okay, it's my lunch!", then lick the oatmeal off my finger
Let's just say there was some more oatmeal on the floor after that.

>>10262373
Nice

>>10266949
hey man this is a blue board
those should both be dudes

>>10266933
you're not supposed to just leave the oatmeal there for hours you fucking moron.

>>10266932
What?

>>10266932
Was pic related you?

>>10260805
Fucking ouch

>>10259067
Cooked my mom some breakfast for her birthday once, and the eggs were undercooked. I guess that kinda sucked.
In class filled with "liberal" equal rights men hating women and one homosexual I grew up with
>"hey Anon, there's pizza"
>thanks
>"Anon, do you want one more slice?"
>Are you going to throw perfectly good food away?
>"well yeah, we don't want any more"
>sure
I go into the bathroom and see that my entire face is covered in dry skin from my morning shave. I guess that was pretty embarrassing. I also once split pizza sauce on my high school class shirt in front of one of the hottest twins I've ever seen in my life when we were out bowling on our final days. I did have a friend throw an orange once and knock a couple of squirrels having sex from off a fucking tree, might be one of the funniest moments of my life really. Thought I should add that to the mix. Oh yeah, and fuck eating out with an 18, 19 year old when people around the damn place think they can indirectly speak to you. Drives me up the fucking walls.

>>10262991
Yes. Nothing like sight of watching an obese amsrishit gorge themselves for the first time

>>10259971
>When they catered sandwiches, he'd eat for at least 2, often 4 people.

golly, i struggle to eat even 1/2 a person and this fucker goes through 2 to 4?
goddamn

>>10267144
>eat for

I get your joke, but do you not know this phrase?

>>10267106
>In class filled with "liberal" equal rights men hating women and one homosexual I grew up with
Were you the homosexual?

>>10267167
shit, i misread that, not sure how i managed that one.

>>10265858
BLUEBOARDBLUEBOARDBLUEBOARD

>>10267185
It's ok, they're not real.

>>10259489
food mointor?

>>10259067
>be me
>highschool
>food truck day or something
>get some sandwich
>don't ask my name
>hear them call out the name of the sandwich
>Grab it right as they say a name that obviously isn't my name
>take it and walk away
at least the person who bought the same sandwich as me got the same one

>>10259067
>event with pizza for attendees
>enough pizza for everybody to get at least 6 slices
>but not everybody eats that much or at all
>eat 9 slices
>2 whole pizzas left
>take 1 home
>do the same thing the next event
No shame and free pizza.

>>10267106
OI! Don't steal my stories, you turd wrangling son of a bitch!

>>10260635
Can you get in trouble if you just straight up ask them out? No flirting, no escalating?

>>10267529
Yes, if you're in a position of authority. They can say they felt they were being coerced.

>>10259489
>>10259067

Fatass

>>10262462
>interesting how people that think lesser of homos use it as an insult
It isn't, you're just dumb

>>10264161
>>10265125
Hello redit

>>10267391
Why are reditors so unfunny and boring?

>>10259071
>Food stories that never happened.
I worked at ARIA (a pretty well know sydney fine dining restaurant) in 2008, I was a third year apprentice at the time. All the CDP's got to go on this day out but mine didn't want to go so I got to do it instead. It was like wine tasting and looking at truffle farms and shit. We were all pretty pissed by the time we got to the ostrich farm. We were talking shit to the farmer and somehow we came to the agreement that If I could kill an ostrich with my hands we'd get it for free. Well I'd grown up in a turkey farm and catching those fuckers was second nature for me, I didn't even use the gloves that the workers used. So me and two other guys cornered it and I rugby tackled it. Wasn't worth it though cause that fuckhead Stephan burnt it.

>>10267668
For fuck's sake Stephan, you empty headed fucking dolt

>work party
>everyone's too cautious and self-conscious that half of the food goes to waste

>>10259067
Story reminds me of a thread several years ago where dude went to a Super Bowl party and started stealing food by putting it in plastics bowls. Then threw a bitch fit because "it"s free food" and getting kicked out.

>>10267807
is that the one where the guy brings his own tupperware to the party in a wierd premeditated party food theft, then complains they stole his tupperware

>>10267807
>>10267837
Holy fuck I remember that autist now. He made like five or six different threads describing the autistic shit he has done, completely unaware of himself. He's like the faggot Sheldon from TBBT.

>>10259067
What's the matter? Not comfortable asserting your dominance over self serve food?

>>10259067
I'm sorry for my hunger, but if you don't mind *takes another slice*. Thanks!

>>10267535
i mean just coworkers

would never even think of pursuing anyone i was in charge of

>>10260273
It's like that joke:

>How do you spot a vegan?

>Don't worry, other people will drag it out of them and then make fun of them or call them preachy.

Meat eaters really are insecure.

>>10259067
>Pizza truck comes to work
>has wood ovens, cooks unlimited pizzas
>i'm the skinniest person at work
>6'0'', 148lbs, cyclist, need my 3-4k cals on the regular
>eat 22 slices of pizza
>fatties in office look in horror
>omg anon where do you put it
>hollow leg joke.mp3
>i wish i had your metabolism
>get congratulated for my eating ability

>>10267106
>"liberal" equal rights men hating women

So they were "'liberal' equal rights men", but they also hate women? Were they MRAs or MGTOWs or something?

>>10267982
>dear diary: this was my best day at work yet - keep kicking ass :)

>>10260313
>Complained at a wedding reception that they served the food they wanted instead of offering vegan choices
No fucking wonder they bust your balls over it autist

>>10267177
You were probably busy wiping up dribble off the keyboard, you fat spastic cunt.

>be bodysnatcher alien
>assume the form of pizza at a pizza party for maximum bodysnatching
>single fatass eats all of me
>stuck being a single fatass

>>10267837
That's the one. Didn't he bring several bowls, too?
>>10267896
Got any screencaps? I don't have any.

>>10266949
>Za
>beer
>no weed
that party sucks

>>10259067
the point is that everyone gets some and some fat fuck doesnt eat all the pizza, fucking autist

>>10259067
Literally me

>>10260273
Soyboys BTFO

>>10259067

you're the reason why i dont have pizza party at work, fat motherfuckers get greedy

>>10259067
if this isnt bait then just remember all your coworkers think your a fat fuck.

>>10267664
I don't know, and I don't fucking care.

>>10267668
pfft, holy shit nigga

>>10267312
They hired private security to shoot and kill anyone that ate more than their allotment of food for the day

>>10269651
sounds dope really

>be extremely shy software developer
>pot luck at work
>everyone is forced to bring something in
>everyone standing around in a tiny room
>people making small talk with me
>i only have one word responses
>can feel my face getting red hot
>severe anxiety kicks in
>devise escape plan
>intentionally knock over the plate of chicken nuggets w/ schezwan sauce
>immediately turn all attention into cleaning up the mess
>i can finally relax again since no more small talk
felt good

>>10260149
>buying power $66.84

>>10259971
>When they catered sandwiches, he'd eat for at least 2, often 4 people.
>This regularly resulted in people not getting any.
I fucking hate those gluttonous faggots. I'll happily finish off an entire steam tray of whatever leftovers they have, but I always goddamn wait till everyone has been served to go up for seconds.

>>10260805
I did this once at a friend's house when I was a little kid. We always put lots of meat on our sandwiches at home, like jewish deli style piles of meat. They were poor as fuck, so it was 1 slice of bologna 1 slice of those shity plastic cheese slices per sandwich ration. I used like three slices of pinkdisk and two cheese.

They didn't have enough bologna and cheese for his lunch. I found out what happened at the end of the week when he came to school with just two slices of white bread with mayo on it and felt terrible. =(

>>10270147
I used to share food with my friend at lunch time. Every ah often he'd mention how good my mothers sandwiches were, because of the amount of meat she used.

His parents owned a fucking deli, and my mom was out-meating them on sandwiches.

>>10266933

>oatmeal dripping out of my underwear

Anon you fucking retard. Literally kill yourself.

>family complains i never got family celebrations
>go to Christmas dinner this year
>first one to get turkey
>aunt says, whoa leave some for everyone else!

I only took a few pieces and it was a giant 22 lb turkey or something. There was a mountain of turkey left after everyone had eaten. I just ate as fast as i could then left without even saying goodbye.

>>10266933
SHIT WHAT THE FUCK

>>10266549
Those three articles are done by different journalists. Despite what you may think, journalists all working for the same network don't all share the exact same beliefs on policy. They might all lean a specific way but they are not all in unison about what is wrong and right.

>>10267896
If you didn't see that it was obvious bait then you are the autistic one, faggot

>>10259067

Haha

>>10270147
>being this fucking poor

>>10259067
Not embarrassing for me
>was in a high school pot luck
>seat is by the trash can
>girl walks up to the trash can and spits out a chunk of food and starts gagging
>start laughing at her
>she tells me to keep what happened a secret

>>10259977
>>10262318

Remember that thin line. A cold beer and a warm sandwich is corruption whereas a warm beer and a cold sandwich isn't.

>>10260322
w...what?

>>10259071
>food stories that never happened
I did a cook along with Marco and he DIDN'T use a knorr stockpot

>>10262523
I work at a pizzeria and we have ''everybody gets to fuck the 2 cute waitresses parties" at least once week

>>10266526
>Just be like Pence, never alone with women always have a witness, if you can't then don't.

that fucking cocksman Pence cannot control himself so he does the right thing

>be inelementary school, year 6.
>if I want lunch, I gotta make my own lunch
>never make lunch
>forever hungry admiring other anons lunch
>one day one anon calls me out on it
>mustdefendmyhonor.gif
>make a bet for maybe $5 that I’ll bring lunch everyday for next 2 months.
>start bringing shitty self-made lunch but it’s lunch and determined to win bet.
>one day about 3/4 through the bet I forget lunch
>ppl so used to me bringing lunch no-one notices
>continue bringing lunch and at end of two months call out anon to pay up
>he refuses to pay up
>too beta to make him
mfw he helped me to not go hungry at lunch for two months
mfw I hated him for it