/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>10269685
Called in my boys to take her for a drive.

I get so sick of incompetent women. Let me give you some personal insight on the matter.

I've been with my wife for 10 years now. We met in high school, and I got her pregnant.
She is and always has been a lazy person and a shit cook. I wouldn't even mind eating shit food if she at least made it on time. But she rarely did.

We'd get into screaming arguments constantly about how lazy and worthless she was. I felt like an asshole for it, but goddamn she was a real piece of work. The only reason I dealt with all this was for the kids, and also because the sex is great.

But one night, I got fed up. Not only did she get drunk, neglect the kids, and made me top Ramen for dinner, but she decided to give me attitude too. She was being real fucking bitchy. So I told my grandparents to keep an eye on the kids and told my wife we were going to go out and have dinner together. I drove maybe 3 blocks to a quiet area (we live in Oregon, it's not hard to find a quiet field) and I got out of the car, went around like I was going to open her door for her and let her out, and I just beat the shit out of her while she was still seatbelted. After a few punches, I asked her if she wanted to go back to her parents. She started screaming and yelling and said yes, so I beat the shit out of her again. Then I asked her what she wanted to do. She finally got smart and said she wanted to go home. So I took her home and dared her to start trouble. I even handed her my cellphone and dialed her mom's number on the drive home. I made her talk to her mom, while daring her to fucking say something.

Before that incident, I had never laid a hand on her. But I had always threatened it. I told her "one of these days, if you don't straighten up, I'm going to lay hands on you."

All my meals have been on time, and she just recently tried to make a meatloaf. It was mediocre, but I was just thrilled that she tried.

Do with this information what you will.

>>10269685
clean myself off in the restroom and expect my meal to be comped without raising my voice or berating the server.

Die of embarrassment. Why is everyone pictured dicks? Someone clearly pushed their chair back and tripped her. Her body seemed oddly continuing forward though so she could have been drunk I guess.

give her a kiss on the cheek and tell her it's alright to show our bad sides once in a while

>>10269703
Nobody in that video is being a dick. Maybe that one guy with his arms up but that seems like more of just a reaction of shock and bewilderment.

Have the dumb bitch fired for ruining my suit.

>>10269696
>and I got out of the car, went around like I was going to open her door for her and let her out, and I just beat the shit out of her while she was still seatbelted. After a few punches, I asked her if she wanted to go back to her parents. She started screaming and yelling and said yes, so I beat the shit out of her again.
gold

>>10269697

>>10269685
That's what you get for not using 2 hands dumb cocky bitch.

>>10269685
y..you too

>>10269703
>Someone clearly pushed their chair back and tripped her
If you look, the server is holding that folding table with her other hand and it gets caught on a chair, it's entirely her fault. The way to handle the situation is not to make a scene yourself, go clean yourself up in the bathroom, make a joke to the staff, and expect some free food and especially drinks

>>10269697
This. From the video footage you can clearly see the lady on the right push her chair backwards right as the server is about to pass. There was no one person at fault in this situation and the only preventative measure could have been creating a wider walkway within the seating arrangement.

>>10269782
I see it now.

Laugh about it? It's not a big deal. If it were boiling hot fat or something, it's different. But this? Who cares, you have to wash your clothes anyway.

Obviously staged. You people are idiots.

>>10269685
literally just laugh about it and make sure my meal is comp'd, as it should be.

>>10270677
This, you can tell she just tips here hand over casually and spills the food. Plus the camera is perfectly centered for the shot. It's provably some shitty hidden camera show

>>10269685
Its everyone's fault for being inside such a tight shithole of a restaurant. I would never even be in there.

>>10269685
start doing the comp dance, singing a song about how my meal will now be comped, and eating whatever random noodles and pieces of food I can pick off of my sleeves

>>10269685
Tell the waitress to let me pozz in her bootyhole

Tell her she has to eat the spaghetti off of my body

Don't freak out because it wasn't intentional but get the restaurant to pay for my suit cleaning and I want my meal for free.

>>10270754
>>10270760
Both of these are correct answers, everyone else is a fag

>>10270767
What if, and I'm saying what if they deny all those request?

>>10270793
In America, you shoot them.
In Europe, tell your ISIS friends to plow a truck into the establishment.

>>10270793
Oh then I freak out. Cartoonishly so. I probably throw spaghetti and people's drinks at all the staff to mess up their clothes back. Like I'm absolutely banned from the restaurant now.
If they don't give me my meal for free, fine. I would expect at least a free dessert for my trouble. They better fucking pay to clean my suit though. You at least reverse the damages when an accident happens.

>>10269685
get some sort of comp, get my dry cleaning taken care of, get a kiss on the cheek, have a nice story

>>10269696
>things that never happened

>>10269685
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

>>10269685
>guy in the top left trying not to laugh

>>10269696

>>10269685
Why the fuck is that place so cramped? Must be in some coastie shithole

>>10269685
Laugh it off and try to get her number maybe, ask for my meal to be paid for, take my jacket off and clean up in the bathroom.

>>10269685
Depends in who I was in that situation.

>>10272026
>in
*on

dumb phone poster

>>10272010
This, its everyone's fault for being in such a tight shithole

>>10269696
Jesus dude, that's how women need to be handled

>>10269685
i would have laughed and expected free food. shit happens, i mean this is pretty bad but not a day wrecker cause i've had far worse happen to me

>>10269696
stale pasta

>>10269685
Tired of seeing this pasta.

>>10272164
Oops, I mean that for
>>10269696

>>10269685
Call the fire inspector for how fucking crowded the restaurant is.

>>10272179
absolutely based

>>10269685
I think I'd be more flustered by the fact that I have the whole restaurants attention rather than getting angry at the waiter, you know shit happens, clean myself up ask for a full refund and leave the premise

>>10272183
based absolutely based poster

to hell with the waiter and guests, i'd hate to be the chef that has to refire the whole table

>>10269697
Fucking taco bell niggers

You better believe I'm getting my meal comped and walking out of there with a gift card.

>>10271989
great music video for a great song

>>10269696
lol how about you make your own goddamn food yourself. I bet you feel tough after beating a woman.

>>10269685
Not come in the next day.

>>10269696
sick pasta

>>10269685
I'd reminded her what she yesterday:
>this is America and you get it right the first time

https://youtu.be/i_zJDSej0sE?t=1m8s

have a discussion with the manager about ocupacy limits and accessibility as well as fire codes, obtain owners contact info and establish a line of communication and maybe set up a meeting at his restaurant to address my concerns and put a .22 in the back of his ear for having such shit staff and loose hiring standards.

put my hands up like I'm being robbed

>>10273688
why deuce deuce? 9milly is a much better round for intimidation.

>>10273732
intimidation? you mean you would commit several felonies and not even kill the fucker?

>>10269696
i hope your wife's grammar isn't as bad as yours

>>10269767
Any place above a fucking dive will forbid staff from carrying their platter with two hands you retarded hillybilly white trash

>>10269685
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7eho0jiDV44

>>10273885
but that was deliberate, tho. a person who pours coffee all day every day would be so good at it that they could do it with their eyes closed. but somehow she managed to spill it. must have been a deliberate act of violence and it met with appropriate force.

>>10269696
Based domestic abuser

Been a non-sperg about it and probably get my meal comped. I roll hard like that.

>tfw this actually happened to me
>qt waitress at a chain restaurant was walking past my table, carrying a hot bowl of tomato soup and a plate of garlic mushrooms
>I am alone because I eat alone
>she fucking spills the hot soup over my lap and the garlic mushrooms hit me right in the face
>jump up and scream in agony
>everything is a blur for a few moments
>run to the bathroom and start splashing cold water on my lap to calm down
>eventually come out of the bathroom
>waitress and I think the manager are there and start talking, ask if I am OK
>waitress is really cute
>for some reason see this as a chance to hit on her
>"you gave me a HOT SOUP SHOWER but when i see you i need a COLD SHOWER"
>try to hold her hand and grab her chest as a joke
>she pulls away
>i get asked to leave and 'we can forget anything happened here'

fuck roasites.

>>10274076
ISHYDNDT

>>10272179
RWSS or concerned citizen?

>>10273885
not glassing the whore in the face with the coffee pot
bakkka desu fuckwit

>>10274076
lrn 2 seplle

>>10269685
Calmly assured the waitress that accidents happen and politely accept whatever recompense was offered by management. Anyone who gets mad about something like that is a kike.

>>10269685
I would have stood up and threw my glass at the bitch and started to beat the shit out of her. After that I would sliwly unzip my pants while still ontop of her (she is unconscious btw) and taken off her panties. After that I would begin to fuck her while making eye contact with everyone in the restaurant and making FURIOUS grunting noises. I would then finish up and SLAP HER until she came back to and SCREAM at her to see the manager. When the manager did come out I would demand everything on the menu for free and for this lady to be fired. I also would demand that the owner give me a 50% cut of all profits from the restaurant from the troubles I had to go through. If he didn't go through with my demands I would beat the shit out of him and buy the restaurant only to fire the stupid fucking bitch and him. I then would turn the restaurant into a gay bar.

>>10274076

>>10274076

>>10269696
i think i saw this scene in Big Little Lies

>>10274076
>"you gave me a HOT SOUP SHOWER but when i see you i need a COLD SHOWER"
surprised this didn't work tbqh

>>10269685
Errare humanum est.
I remember the time we went to a gourmet restaurant and the waiter stubbled and poured almost half a bottle of champagne on the trousers of a guy sitting across me at the table.
They offered a new and more expensive bottle, coffee and desserts. Also the lady owning the restaurant cleaned his pants

>>10269685
Ask to speak to the manager. Ask him how he'd prefer to handle it. Should I send the cleaning bill to the restaurant or the server directly?

I'd expect my meal to be comped. If they don't I won't throw a fit but I won't ever be back either.

>>10271939
>but should have

>>10273797
>my moms restaurant they didnt use platters at all
>had to take all food out at the same time
>would balance the food from their hand up their whole arm almost to the shoulder
>sometimes need to fill both arms up
stupid rituals

they also refused to give you a knife if you ordered veal because they insisted it was tender enough to cut with the side of your fork. in fact once the chef threw a hissyfit when a customer was being insistent that he get a knife,
and went out into the dining room and cut his food with a spoon

his neighbors also had a pet rabbit that kept getting into his vegetable garden, so he killed it and served it as a special in the restaurant

>>10270793
>What if, and I'm saying what if they deny all those request?

I'd let the comping slide and just never go there again, but take them to small claims court for the cleaning bill.

>>10269685
More likely than not be upset, but I'm not going to unload on an honest, but stupid mistake. That being said, I'd expect the tables food comped and if I'm wearing something nice for that to be taken care of too. Also wasn't this from some reality show?

I would enjoy the free meal management gave me after that.

one time I was in fridays and a woman had diarrhea, she went running across the restaurant to the bathroom farting and shitting on the floor leaving a trail behind her
ran right by my table, was shit right there next to us, all they did was give us 1 ONE dessert to share on the house for it

in the order of fault:
1.) the owner for cramming everyone into such a tight space that it's obviously hazardous.
2.) the guy who bumped the waitress
3.) the waitress

>>10272059
Did you just agree with intentionally bait stale copypasta? I'm guessing your an alt-right nazi too.

>>10273885
I know what I'm watching for my morning wank

>>10274076
Did you take them to court for pain and humiliation. And leave a bad yelp review

>>10274247
>his neighbors also had a pet rabbit that kept getting into his vegetable garden, so he killed it and served it as a special in the restaurant

>>10274573
That copypasta is like honey it's timeless

>>10274076
what the actual fuck anon.

>>10272016
are you hoping for her to slip and fall on your dick then trip over and into each other to completion?

>>10269685
nothing, probably apologised

>>10269697
This, it would be comped at the least, and I likely expect you'd get another free meal if the manager was worth with his salt.

>>10274643
>>>/tv/
you bet your ass

Looks like he just ordered the tossed salad.

>>10275376

you wouldn't get anything in my restaurant.

>>10269685
Wouldnt've even gone to such a crowded place. There's no reason or excuse for a restaurant to be that fucking crowded.

>>10274076
nice fake story, /r9k/ wanna-be

>Visit Anchorage on vacation
>Snowing hard as fuck
>I'm from a tropical island, was frozing my balls 24/7
>Go to restaurant, order a salmon soup, coffee and water
>Waitress accidentally spills my water over my back
>Start shivering uncontrollably like a Parkinson patient
>They offer me a coat and ask if I want an ambulance

Soup was good.

>>10275399
is that chaz bono?

>>10269696
Best /ck/ pasta

>>10276049
do you have scars?

>>10276049
>>10270655
>hot?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hdGv0kYY3lg

>>10269685
Tip extra, I have a humilation fetish

>>10269685
And that's why you hold it above your head.

>>10278902
That is fucking gnarly :(

>>10274247
I don't care if it's tender enough to cut with a fork a spoon, a straw or whatever. I like eating with a knife and fork because I'm not a child who one-hands their entire meal.

>>10269696
This pasta is too cold.

>>10278902
jesus christ

>>10270793
that will quite honestly NEVER happen

>>10269696
wow. kill yourself

>>10269696
Ive seen this before haha top pasta

obviously deliberate

>>10269696
sniffpasta of /ck/

>>10274076
hello /r9k/

>>10274076
incelposters should be hanged

>>10269782
clever anon

>>10269696
How old is this?

>>10278955
This.

>>10269696
I recognize this pasta.

>>10278955
>cuts up his food before eating it
>I'm not a child

>>10273138
the song is awesome, too bad about the incredibly soy-filled message of the lyrics

>>10269696
so stale

>>10269696
I love this pasta.

>>10273228

In north amerilard, you come back with a gun and shoot the place up.

>>10269685
>”Get a server job anon! You’ll make so much on tips!”

>>10269685
beat her within an inch of her life and offer to let her live if she agrees to become my live-in gf.

>>10269696

>>10274573
>your

>>10274076
>grab her chest as a joke

>haha! i was only pretending to rape you!

>>10269685
It's an understandable accident. I wouldn't turn down a free meal and I'd expect them to pay for my dry-cleaning, but I wouldn't make a scene or anything.

>>10269696
unironically my favorite pasta