/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>10951666
i work night shift at a factory. comfy as fuck.
to make it food-related, i love the vending machine food. anyone else here /cold macaroni/?

>>10951685
>dat vending machine tho
good shit

>>10951685
This makes me want to poo in your loo anondo.

>Working at fast food joint on front counter
>Manager is sick as fuck, so they bring one in from another store
>Think nothing of it, try to be polite to her
>SEVERELY understaffed that day, manager has to do drive thru on his own
>Think nothing of it, keep working front counter, didn't know how drive thru worked at all
>Fucker makes me put a headset on
>No idea which button to press or wtf is going on with the two separate registers at drive thru
>Tells me to just figure it out, leaves
>Wtf.png
>Half the orders are fucked up of course
>Guy is SCREAMING at me in front of customers as the line of 10+ cars got worse and worse
>Line stops randomly. Nothing moving. We all start wtf'ing
>Realize a car broke down in front of the drive thru
>ON MY FIRST FUCKING DAY
>Customers try to push car
>Jackass left his car randomly with the breaks on, no way to move it. No gas in engine.
>Have to call cops
>Manager yells at me for spending too much time trying to guide people over the curb so they could get out okay

Fast forward 2 years and I became fastest drive thru worker in my store. I think that having all the pressure on me at once on my first shift gave me a "Well, at least it isn't as bad as that day" attitude.

>>10951870
I hate that fucking attitude of "Oh? You don't know how to do something? What is wrong with you? first day? NO EXCUSES! YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS!" seriously, that's bullshit.

>>10951895
I mean, it works, though.

Fast food needs stress to motivate you to do things quickly. This is coming from someone who worked it through high school and hated every minute of it, too.

>>10951908
Some people are bult for it some aren't. I can't stand being yelled at. I have anxiety and it will set it off. So you get my point.

>>10951870
had a similar experience my first day as a dishwasher

it was a double shift

we had no cleaning appliances to help with drying dishes etc etc

>>10951909
Can i touch tips with you op?

>>10951920
>///> m-maybe

Sneed

>>10951920
If he says no can I?

>>10951926
snide

>>10951928
lets just stand together and whip them out together guys!

>>10951929
Ew nvm 2gay4me i will poo u

>>10951935
darn it :(

>>10951941
B quiet as i shittle your tittles.

>>10952026
You're just turning me on anon

>>10952029
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>10952033
Calm down anon. Drink a coke.

I don't work in food so I don't really have anything to contribute other than stories from my perspective as the customer or stuff I've been told

>one of my workmates goes to Wendy's to get food for lunch
>orders a bunch of shit including chicken nuggets
>the food is put on the counter and he picks up a chicken nugget to eat while waiting for the rest of the food
>stonecold.jpg
>asks the lady behind the counter if she could please swap them out for some warm ones
>she says she will
>he watches her pick up the cold chicken nuggets he touched, walk over to the drive through area, pause to think for 5 seconds, put the cold nuggets in a bag by the drive through window which the drive through guy then grabs and serves to a customer
He said at that point he just walked out leaving all his food on the counter

Every time I go to McDonald's with one of my friends he always ends up with a chicken burger for some reason despite never ordering it. It's happened to him 4 times in a row, the last time he ordered a mcmuffin at 10am and got served a mcchicken. I don't even know how that's possible.

When I was a kid I fucked up and thought chilli meant chilli peppers exclusively. I wasn't aware that chilli also meant chilli con carne. I ordered nachos but was scared they would be spicy since the menu said "chilli" so I ordered them without chilli and was served a bowl of corn chips with melted cheese and sour cream. Nothing else. I bet that probably made the chef WUT but it was just because I was a kid and thought chilli would be spicy

>>10952113
hahaha absolute madlad
sounds like my mate kev, what a legend

Had a job making sushi for an elderly japanese man.
He let a madonna album replay constantly. One night it got to skipping and no one stopped it. Everyone un the resturaunt was looking around like "wtf"

>>10952140
Please tell more about this, sounds very interesting

I work in a kitchen with identical twins with identical speech impediments. They both have sections that they work exclusively. It's funny as fuck.

>>10952036
Bepis >>> conk

I will murder your family with the bones of a fish.

>>10952162
There was a hot chick there who wore all black (sushi place)
Black lipstick.
Kinda gothic lookin but not gothic.
Think shorty itallian chick big eyes

>>10952190
I am more intrigued than I have ever been

>>10952203
Thanks for the guilt trip. I feel like my original post was fair enough and keeping in context. Jeez lady I really feel stupid now :-/

>>10952186
conke >> extreme power gap >> bepis

this is the truth of the universe. you must make peace with it.

>>10951666
I was in Tiny's Coffee on 12th Southeast Ave in Portland a year and a half ago when I experienced something awe-inspiring. My fiancee was gone with her friends on a cruise to Jamaica for her bachelorette party for 2 months and I was practically bursting out of my chastity cage because she had the key to it. My weewee looked like a bloated vienna sausage pressed between a waffle iron and shoved through a sewer grate and my testicles were bigger than ever before and a deep shade of purple.
Seeing as how my then fiancee banned me from even making eye contact with another girl I was just minding my own business while eating my food until I made eye contact with Varky The Aardvark on the 'vark sauce bottle. He was the hottest fucking thing in the world to me for about 210 minutes. I was silently fantasizing about what a snout that long and hips that wide could do to and for me. I was in a deliriously hormy state as I was constantly rubbing my throbbing cage through my skinny jeans. I realized what I needed to do now more than ever and without skipping a beat I grabbed the 'vark sauce bottle and briskly walked to the restroom trying to hide the bottle between my arm and my side.
I ran to the stall and closed the door as fast as possible whereupon I unbuttoned and unzipped my skinny jeans. The sensation of my chastity belt chafing my skin felt like my skin was being peeled with a vegetable slicer, but this wouldn't stop me.
I carefully positioned the 'vark bottle on the toilet tank lid and went to work helplessly rubbing my cage until I realized the spikes had atrophied over half of my penis and there was no way I could masturbate through the cage. My lust unquenched I realized my only other option.

>>10952232
I pulled my XL butt plug out from my anus making my prostate shift back into place. The sensation was heavenly, being quickly replaced by emptiness. I yearned for it to be filled and as my gaze met Varky's eyes one more time I felt several months of pent up sexual frustration come to a head. He was simultaneously the sexiest creature I had ever seen yet and also the most alluring. I grabbed the bottle and kissed his face for what felt like a lifetime but was actually a full minute. Without another breath I sank that bottle as deep as I humanly could into the inner sanctum of my rectum. For several minutes I stood there in bliss, letting the bottle roughly press against my prostate over and over. My body went numb as my anus tightened trying to shove the bottle out in vain, but instead only succeeding in squeezing the bottle's sweet, hot nectar into me. I squeezed as hard as I could with equal parts pleasure and pain blowing load after load of Secret Aardvark Habanero Hot sauce into me.

>>10952238
Throughout this whole ordeal I could see in my minds eye my lover Varky embracing me and filling me with his thick tool until my virgin hole milked every last drop of sauce from his thick member. I fell to my knees as they violently quivered beyond my control. I could no longer suppress my moans, I was enthralled by ecstasy and I didn't care if the world knew it. Upon climaxing I filled my chastity cage to the brim with my dirty squirties even getting them all over my skinny jeans and the floor. The sensation of the 'vark sauce flooding my rectum tingled my prostate forcing me into yet another climax. Before I knew it I had orgasmed more times than I could count and an employee was banging on the door asking if I was okay. I mustered a hushed "yes" out of my disheveled and embarrassing stupor. I waited for them to leave then tried to clean up the mess with toilet paper before shortly realizing that my anus forced the cap wide open and it was stuck. At that point it was excruciating as the sauce endlessly burned my bowels. I ended up walking my bicycle two miles home to my apartment in agony, but the memories of the most euphoric day of my life soothed the pain. The bottle eventually came out of my anus that night and I wiped it off as best as I could to save it as a reminder of what 'vark really means to me. Luckily I still have and use that bottle since I refill it every couple of days, pic very related.

I make sushi now at a place where the owner gets notoriously drunk doing hibachi. Im starting to drink too...gf is not too happy bout this but its fun.

>>10952232
Are you the author of fight club?
Do a funny sushi themed weird trick you do space monkey.

>>10952225
Choke on the phallus of 10,000 donkeys until your learn better anonson.

I blew a bottle of tabasco up my butt with a turkey baster. I did this while sucking your moms big burro balls. So spicy. The heat was flavorful.

>>10952322
Pls pass the drugs anon, they sound nice.

So I posted in the last thread about working in a homeless shelter, and I remembered a story about one of my favorite elderly residents who recently passed, Dorothy. She was from a very wealthy and educated background, but a combination of schizophrenia and more mind altering substances that have passed through Eastern Europe had led her to absolute fucking crazy town.
One night I cook a giant pork roast. I felt like I did a good job but looked around and saw looks of disgust on half the residents. I was pretty disappointed cause I had even come in early to prepare everything while I could've just made hot dogs or some shit. All of a sudden Dorothy yells "UGH! THIS SMELLS LIKE SHIT!!!"
>annoyed looks fill the entire room
>Paul (basically Eeyore from winnie the poo), mid 50's, very depressed, constantly makes suicide jokes, no skills/talents/friends, basically just fucked up and down throughout whole life.
Paul is sitting at Dorothy's table and sighs, says "Jesus Christ Dorothy, the pork is fine, it's you again"
>literally just responds with "perhaps" and walks to the bathroom.
20 minutes later she emerges dressed in a fucking trash bag she had fashioned into a dress by cutting holes for her arms/legs.
I go into the bathroom to find shit all over the sink and bathroom floor. She clearly shit herself again while trying to clean her pants.
As I'm looking in the donations bin for extra clothes for her to wear, shes whispering in my ear that the government is watching me (specifically me) via the power outlets and I should cover them with tinfoil and that she really enjoyed the pork.
RIP Dorothy

>>10952594
keep these stories comin' anon

>>10952594
RIP Dorothy. Please tell more if you have them.

>>10952594
I really like this.

>>10952232
>>10952238
>>10952244
well done!

>>10952594
By any chance is this you?
>

>>10952628
>>10952636
>>10952670
I like to cook spicy food but due to many of the older homeless residents clinging to life, my boss prefers me to cook more bland and nonthreatening meals which is dumb but whatever.
One day I make pasta bolognese and put a small pot of sauce aside for myself after I'm done serving everyone.
>long time resident brothers tweedle dee and tweedle dum arrive, hammered as always
They walk over and notice my small pot of sauce and I explain to them that I wanted mine to be spicy. After what seemed like an eternity of trying to get that simple concept into their heads, they start arguing back and forth.
"I love spicy food! You can't eat it cause you're a bitch!!!"
"NO U!!"
"NO U!!!"
I'm so annoyed at this point I tell them they can both have some if they sit down.
As they walk back to a table "make that shit extra spicy, lemme show these bitches who's boss!"
>ok
I nearly emptied every spicy seasoning we had into two small bowls. Cayenne pepper, chili powder, for some reason we had some wasabi paste from a random donation. It must've tasted so bad, it was barely edible.
>call them over with a shit eating grin "good luck"
>fast forward 2 minutes and they're sweating bullets, faces bright red, sober residents begging them to stop.
>fast forward 10 minutes and they're both violently throwing up. Residents asking me to call EMS, tell them ok.
>tell them I'm calling 911 for them but they assume I'm talking about the police so they stumble away down the street.
Emergency services know them on a first name basis and go to their frequented park bench for evaluations.
Most of the ridiculous stuff that happens isnt food related but these two incidents came to mind.

>>10952809
No, but very relatable

>>10952809
>Christians

bump

Love these threads