/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>11050416
With my hands? It's fingerfood.

huh?

Bit by bit.
I wouldn't mix citrus fruits with meat and condiments, though. It'll make your tongue feel like sand paper for days.

Put it in your mouth. Now move your teeth up and down. Up and down. Good, numb-nuts. Now you gotta swallow it. Just tilt your head back and let the food slide down your throat hole. Easy, don't choke.

Watchin sex in the city with the girls

>>11050416
Some of it is admittedly pretty stupid. How am I supposed to eat a fucking orange slice for example? Also those breads sticks are shaped pretty damned uselessly for anything other than shoving up your ass. And there's no knife to spread the cheese... now that you mention it, it is a pretty fucked platter. Whichever donkey made it definitely lost the plot.

Rectally

>>11050416
over a couple of days because that's way over 2000 calories on each plate.

>>11050459
>those breads sticks are shaped pretty damned uselessly

What the fuck do you mean? They're shaped like sticks. What other fucking shape should bread sticks have?

>>11050459
Yea I never understood why you would ever cut an orange that way. There's literally nothing you can do with it. Might as well save yourself the trouble and just throw the orange directly into the trash.

>>11050416
wait do you think this is healthy eating op? this is not healthy at all.

>>11050459
>bread sticks should not be shaped like sticks

>>11050416
What's the purple and white thing?

>>11050484
blueberry goat cheese

>>11050485
Thanks buying some now

>>11050477
fold it in half then bite, wtf do people on this board not know how to eat things.

>>11050416
Take a knife and scrape it all into the trash.

>>11050474
>>11050482
Normally they have a purpose, like being garlic bread sticks. Those are just sticks of plain ass bread, nothing on them, nothing to dip them in, not even any butter in sight. Since they're sticks you can't really use them as a base for spreads. Pretty damn pointless.

>>11050529
Use them like big chopsticks idiot

>>11050416
those new york hipster cretins and their weird cold cuts plates
this is not how you do it
they don't even serve any real bread

>>11050416
i'm missing olives, wine, and some nice baquette.

>>11050416
I'd ask for bread.

What is it with people serving charcuterie and cheese with crackers?

I would say "I'm on keto so I can't eat most of this" and proceed to eat the salami, give my friend the rest and force him to pay for it.

>Piracy is stealin-

>>11050477
>>11050491
they look pickeld to me, so i guess you can eat them whole

>>11050529
>Those are just sticks of plain ass bread, nothing on them

Bread is fucking delicious on its own you faglord and there's plenty of meat and cheese to go with.

>>11050416
where the FUCK are the olives

also bit by bit probably with a significant amount of booze

>>11050691
Yeah, making use of something without breaking it or removing it is not a crime.
That's why rape should be legal as long as it involves minimal force.

>>11050416
What are these called anyway?

>>11051027
>rape should be legal as long as it involves minimal force.
I disagree with this, but I do think the penalties are extreme, this is basically a holdover from antiquated times when a woman's worth was equated with her resale value on the marriage chattel market.

Rape without force should be a civil offense.

Delicately

>>11051045
charcuterie

>>11050416
First i would find whoever plated that.
Next i would beat them with a tenderizing mallet till they were whining and bloody on the floor.
After that I would start by taking a bit of the salami and a small amount of the cheese on a cracker.

>>11051145
No you wouldn't. You're a fat virgin who got bullied in school

>>11051152
I did not go to school, faggot.

>>11051185
so you're a fat, dumb virgin. Great.

>>11050636
There's nothing hipster about that. That shit is pure suburban married people party where people are drinking shitty wine and pretending it's good. The Costco tier breadsticks are the giveaway.

voraciously

>>11051185
Probably because they bullied your fat ass into not going

>>11051048
>Rape without force
Other than statutory rape, rape by definition implies force was used against a person.

>>11050478
where do you see the word healthy?

What's up with nu males hating on bread sticks? It is phallus envy or some shit? Are they intimidated by it?

>>11051263
Numales are afraid of carbs

>>11051219
I think maybe you have a very creative definition that exists mostly in your head, for words like "statutory" and "force".

"Statutory rape" is a colloquialism for "having sex with a minor below the age of consent", the implication being that it's not "real" rape but "only by the letter of the law". This of course is wildly prejudicial, it's highly ironic that people say "statutory rape" when the mean to imply fucking children is a bad thing, because the phrase itself implies that there's really not much wrong with it other than being "technically illegal". By definition, if a rape is a criminal act at all, then it is is "statutory" rape. Regardless of whether it was raping an old lady at knife point and then bashing her head in with a vase, or diddling a baby, or a 25 year old fucking a girl who is 17 years and 364 days old.

"Force" by conventional definition means overpowering the person by superior strength or a weapon of some kind. I guess you could try and stretch credulity by arguing that Harvey Weinstein used "force" when he coerced ambitious young women into letting him put his ding-dong into their holes by implying he might influence their careers based on their sexual submission or lack thereof, but by ordinary conventional terms it's reserved for stuff like Ted Bundy style rape.

When people say "rape without force has unreasonably high penalties" what this means is that if a dude tells a chick he loves her, so that she has sex, but then it turns out he was just lying about the love part, he shouldn't go to jail just because she's mad, unless there were other circumstances like she's a hitchhiker and he said he loves her while she's roofied and tased and tied up like a thanksgiving turkey in his basement, or she's 12 years old, or something like that.

>>11050416
I would empty the chopping boards and get some McChicken

>>11050416
Ask Reddit since that's where this pic comes from. Except they locked the thread because you guys were too faggy even for Reddit.

Listen up

You through the figs directly into the fucking trash along with the retartedly cut oranges. You then take a breadstick and wrap the meat around it. Mmm you’re doing good. After, you try and dip that shit in the goat cheese. Take a fucking bite.

God damn that shits good. Chase it down with a heavy stout. Fucking yum.

>>11051265
What about the cases of "Statutory rape" that are consentual?

I.e. if one partner lies about their age in order to seduce a the other, or if it involves a couple who is very much enamoured with each other & has 100% consental sex but just so happens to offend the letter of the law (I.e. 22 year old dating a 17 year old).

>>11051265
The therm "rape without force" is misleading if you use that definition.
What you're talking about isn't rape, it's retroactive withdrawal of consent.

>>11050416
Eat all the salami slices while trying to convince the 40 yr old woman in the other chair to have sex with me

>>11051027

Rape steals the dignity of a woman, not a copy of her dignity, you big chowderhead

>>11051507
Copying my hard work instead of paying for it does the same thing

>>11050416
with great gusto, and crackers.

>>11050416
>Go to Trader Joes
>put it on a board
>post to plebbit

This is why foodies need to die.

with a little bit of sprezzatura

>>11051533
Imagine talking smack about the godly goodness that is TJ's fig butter, and cheese and charcuterie selections

>>11050529
Good bread does not need any condiments

>dips
>spreads
Oh, no, you are American

>>11051542

Fix it again Tony

>>11050459
>Spread cheese
You want to ruin the cheese or something? Different parts of the cheese have different tastes, all that will be lost if you spread it like your PJ sandwiches

>>11050416
I would eat Y by sticking it in my mouth and eating it. Substitute Y for food + cheese.

>>11050529
>nothing on them
There is a whole plater of stuff that go well with bread to put on/around the fucking stick. The fuck is wrong with you?
That being said, baguette would be better.

>>11051312
>dip that shit in the goat cheese
Lol, I don't think this cheese is a sauce. It's just cheese.

>>11050416
Emphatically

>>11051544
>TJ's fig butter
The amount of homosex from this post is astounding.

>>11050416
I’d throw that shit away and grab some Taco Bell instead

>>11051318
Most cases of “non violent rape” (sic) are in fact cases of retroactive withdrawal of consent

>>11050416
Fairly intoxicated.

>>11050416
...with my mouth.

>>11051664
>put on/around the fucking stick
Oh yeah so you just wrap a piece of salami around it and start fellating it like a fucking homo. Brilliant.

meat, cheese and pickles
bread and fig butter
fruit
repeat

why the fuck is there bread there?

>>11052435
Because whoever prepared is a goddamn moron that only cares about how pretty it will look on their faggot instagram page.

>>11050691
Is this loss?

>>11050416
>cold brie

>>11050426
based huh? poster

>>11050416
Greasy meat, dried apricots, and breadsticks.
RIP OP, you're never going to shit again.

>>11052524
>Greasy meat
Where do you see grease in that picture you nonce?

>>11051316
Minors can’t give consent so all sex between an adult and a minor is statutory rape by default you dingus. Statutory rape and consent are mutually exclusive.

>>11052641
Sounds pretty subjective and arbitrary desu

>>11052445
>>11052435
What so you eat with charcuterie if not bread?

>>11052527
The white bits.

>>11052646
It is literally objective you fucking mong. There’s no subjectivity involved at all. If you have any kind of sex with a minor it’s rape. Period.

>>11052641
Yes, that's my whole point you ponce.
Consent according to the law is not the same as consent given by a person. That can give rise to situations where the human beings involved are perfectly happy and as far as they are concerned there was no "crime" committed, yet the law has a problem with it regardless.

>>11052650
>the white bits
how can a solid be greasy?

>>11052650
That's fat.

>>11052658
What's objective about slapping the term "Rape" on a act that none of the persons involved with object to?

>>11052658
It depends on where you live what age constitutes a minor that would make it...

BUM BAH BUUUUM

arbitrary and subjective. Or do you not know the actual definitions of those words? Pro tip even tho they're often used perjoratively they actually aren't necessarily.

>>11052674
Gee I don’t know maybe an entire congress of elected representatives that did so by the wishes of the very people that elected them?

How can anyone be this fucking stupid. Jesus Christ.

>>11052669
>>11052668
Grease and fat both translate as the same word in my native tongue, I assumed they mean the same thing.
What's the difference between fat and grease?

>>11050416
>that pic
In a lot of many many many ways

>>11052689
That's not objective anon. I think you've made it quite clear you don't know the actual definition of the word you're using.

>>11050416
Remove most of the fruit, replace it with ham and different variants of cheese. Replace the breadsticks with actual bread.

Jesus fuck who eats charcuterie for fucking fruit and breadsticks. Is this what qualifies as american hipster food?

>>11052689
I'm well aware how the law came about, anon.
But you still haven't explained how that is objective.

>>11050441
And the city

>>11052692
Fat is a certain kind of animal tissue.

Grease is a lubricant made by adding a thickening agent to oil. It's usually used for things like car wheel bearings, industrial machinery, etc.

In the context of cooking "grease" can refer to any liquid fat. The key detail is that it is *liquid*.

>>11050435
Popeye's chicken is fucking amazing.

>>11050459
>>11050477
Fucking idiots, you peel the peel off of the orange and then FUCKING EAT IT

>>11052948
Please tell me how you plan to peel a tiny sliver of orange like that you incredible homo. I'll wait.

>>11050416
start with meats, cheeses, and grains
move on to cheeses+fruit
throw away dehydrated fruit.

>>11053103
You just pull on the outside of it so it breaks in one place snd then eat it off the peel like a watermelon slice?

get some proper bread
eat most of the stuff with it
throw the figs in the trash

>>11053210
go away with your reasonableness. this is a place for irrationally hating things because autism.

>>11053210
That's way more inconvenient than it should be, and probably wouldn't work very well. Not to mention you'll look retarded standing there eating a tiny little orange slice like a watermelon. Fuck off.

>>11050416
How do you eat figs? Is the peel edible?

>>11050416
I would hang the handle off the side of the table and slap it with all my force, sending all the shit flying through the air.

I'd just fuckin go at it

>>11050416
Breadsticks and orange slices are useless, I'd dip the crackers into the goat cheese, eat with a grape and a slice of that thicker meat.

>>11053345
>goat cheese
anon...

>>11050477
You eat the orange peel and make you a favor, since it contains a lot of insoluble fibers

Does nobody else realize you can candy oranges with their peel?

>>11050416
post more

>>11050491
This

>>11052646
All laws are arbitrary

>>11052682
That's not really subjective. The AoC in any given country is an OBJECT that is the same irrelevant of the subject. Two different people "viewing" it do not "see" it differently.

>>11054235
>Two different people "viewing" it do not "see" it differently.
Not the Anon you're replying to, but of course two viewers can see AoC differently in the same country. The 20 year old can think it's absurd that the 15 year old is off limits to him, especially after she just made it obvious she's game. The 50 year old thinks 20 looks shockingly young.

>>11054263
It doesn't matter, the AoC itself remains unaltered by the subject.

what is this

>>11054663
Cranberry goat cheese. Comes in a log

>>11054663
do americans really not know what fermented goat testicles look like?

>>11050416
I would turn it into a delicious casserole, with the following layers (from top to bottom)
>crushed breadsticks
>brie cheese
>apricots
>salami
>wheat thins
>cheddar cheese
>figs
>salami

how do you eat figs

>>11050416
Start with the meat, cheese, and salty stuff. Finish with some of the fruits after.

>>11050459
I could be wrong, but those look like dried/candied oranges. You can eat it rind and all.

>>11054703
while not contemplating the means by which it's fertilized.

>>11050468
>uncle comes in
>"I made you a little snack before dinner, anon"
>looks like OP's pic
>"oh thanks, I'm starving!"
>him and his wife proceed to start dinner.
>after it's in the oven, they come in to share the appetizer plate
>I ate the whole fucking thing
>Overheard them talking (thin walls) in the bathroom while getting ready for bed, new aunt thinks I'm an asshole and uncle is trying to excuse my behavior by telling her he thinks I'm mildly autistic
They have not asked me back since then.

>>11050691
This metaphor would only work if you were somehow copying the pig, and then giving it to the farmer to raise to maturity, then stealing it back after he's put in time, money, and labor feeding and raising it for you.

It's totally theft, albeit lesser theft than outright defrauding someone of their property.

>>11051048
"date rape" is what you're describing, and it is often treated as a lesser crime under differing names. I think "sexual battery" or something idk.

Just don't rape, dude.

>>11052750
Thanks.

>>11053557
For dessert. This isn't dessert.

>>11054746
>>after it's in the oven, they come in to share the appetizer plate
kek

>>11050416

with great

relish

>>11050416
Over the course of an afternoon/evening with friends and alcohol

>>11054751
Ah, spare a thought for the poor digital bit-farmer who hand tends every bit in an mp4, only to have them ripped away by piracy.

>>11050416
Fucking amazing presentation but needs more variety of meats/dipping sauces.
Still if that was placed in front of me I'd cum buckets.

>>11055027
Typical American wanting to ruin that nice food by slathering it in condiments.

>>11053247
>That's way more inconvenient than it should be, and probably wouldn't work very well. Not to mention you'll look retarded standing there eating a tiny little orange slice like a watermelon. Fuck off.
NO TIME FOR FAGGOT COASTIE SHIT, JUST SHOVEL DAT FOOD INTO MUH MOUF, MMM GOOD

make it into a huge sandwich

>>11055273
Literally nothing wrong with this

>>11054760
Date rape doesn't mean "any time you rape someone who isn't a total stranger by jumping out of the bushes at them", buddy boy

>>11054307
Not true. I've seen the AoC in many places change during my lifetime.

>>11051508
shut up todd i already bought skyrim special edition twice

>>11055295
that's a big sandwich

>>11055239
Isn't the argument that a crime by definition is hurting someone and loss of potential sales isn't really a crime because it's the same thing as someone deciding they don't want to buy your product, you wouldn't have gotten the sale either way so just focus on the people who are willing to pay for your content. Or something like that. I have absolutely zero problems with devs putting in security measures for online services and stuff but if your dumb enough to make your game/software "DRM free" you deserve to get your product copy and passed around like a cheap whoore. GOG is literally an online catalog for the pirate Bay because almost all of the games they sell are DRM free.

>>11051021
Bread is THE DEFINITION of tasteless and not worth eating.

>>11055244
Why the fuck does everyone here want fucking dipping sauce?
And what the fuck do you mean "more variety" of sauces? There is none.

>>11056337
I think you meant to say tofu.
And you never had actual bread in your life, how sad.

>>11056763
>Why the fuck does everyone here want fucking dipping sauce?
They're used to shitty industrial food products that don't taste of much unless dipped in a memesauce. The idea of something simple tasting good on its own is lost on them because they were raised on Wal-mart trash or equivalent by inept parents who can't cook.

>>11056763
>And you never had actual bread in your life, how sad.
Sad, yes. Quite common though.

>>11052492
haha, huh?

>>11054746
had a pretty good laugh, my large friend

>>11051414

>mfw i did this in Croatia

based

>>11050431

>>11050416
These are always the most comfy of snack plates to me. It's fun to just try out all the different flavor combinations.