/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>cooking something
>bf comes up behind me and wants to cuddle
>obviously busy trying to cook his dumbass food
>brush him away
>asks why I’m so mean to him and walks off mad

He’s an idiot

>>11124157
>livestreaming my cooking
>little brother walks in kitchen naked

>>11124164
Are you me kek

>>11124157
I don't like people watching me cook. It makes me nervous and I make really stupid mistakes.

>>11124157
>cooking in the kitchen
>anybody comes in or tries to talk to me
>anybody says could i have some
>anybody says "oh what are you cooking"
>anybody coughs, spits on the ground or sneezes in the kitchen
>anybody looks at me the wrong way

leave me alone

>buys tons of shit we already have
>buys jumbo size of something we're going to get sick of before we use even a quarter
>cooks a weeks worth of chicken at a time so it's dry as fuck 5 out of the 7 days I'm going to have to eat it
>buys every single meme unitasker or trendy bullshit ingredient/sauce (also jumbo size) that food network shills for and uses it once

>>11124247
>spits on the ground
>in the kitchen
>spits on the ground in the kitchen

What shithole part of the world do you live in where people just spit on the floor indoors?

>>11124157
>frogposter is an underage kiddie whos mommy needs to make sure he doesn't set the house on fire while he makes his mac and tendies

Color me surprised.

When we have a packed full fridge but none of the basic components to make any kind of meal.
3 or 4 shelves of condiments, pickles and olives.
Wew

>>11124330
im not but mac and tendies sounds pretty good

>someone asks what I'm making
>begin describing th e process
>I'd just throw it in the microwave and eat it, hyuk hyuk

>>11124247
>spits on the ground

Where the fuck are you cooking? India?

When my wife gets in one of her cleaning moods and reorganizes absolutely everything in the kitchen without telling me so the next time I cook, I can't find fuck all without turning the damn place upside down.

>>11124568
Watch your fucking mouth we're going to be a super power by 2030 mother bitch

>dad underheats and overcooks every meat
>make pork chops once
>he loves them
>tell him that it was just higher heat for less time
>'no, no, i'm not going to do that'
>a while later he asks me to make pork chops again
i don't mind cooking, but when you cook, why don't you do it right instead of wrong?

>>11124761
Because when it comes to accepting new ideas, old people are literally less intelligent than blind, retarded newborns.

>>11124730
I should fucking hope so. You're the most populous country in the world and are relatively flush with natural resources You should have been a super power decades ago. Why are you so bad at this?

>try to cook something
>gf walks in 5 mins later
>"thats nit how you do that anon"
>she takes over whatever i was doing
>i go to do something else
>she beats me to it
>end up standing there like a moron until i get kicked out of the kitchen
>if i protest she says she was "only trying to help" and pouts until i apologise
how am i meant to get better at cooking if i am never allowed to cook

>coughing and sneezing around food
>dogs in the kitchen
>children sticking their fingers in the food
>cutting or just placing food on the bare counter
>naked baby on the counter
>"why is everyone in this house sick all the time??"

>gf wants to cook with me
>correct her on how to hold knife
>try to teach her anything
>gets mad
Every gf I have cooked with has done this. Must be me.

>>11124861
Stop mansplaining before she cheats on you, ya dumb cuckold faggot

>>11124730
>super power by 2030
>India

Have I clicked on bizarro /cuck/ again?

>>11124730
>>11124894
SUPER POOER BY 2020

>>11124157
>cooking in the kitchen
>no one ever bothers me because I've eschewed human contact and live alone in a big house

>>11124330
these days plenty of people live with their parents until they are 25 or thirty

and they think it's normal

>>11124300
>dry chicken
join the thigh masterrace

>>11124934
historically and in most of the world it is normal
the only people who it wasn't normal for were boomers because they lived in the most prosperous period in the last century and you could buy a house as a fucking dogwalker

>>11124164
>go out to the kitchen to do anything
>suddenly grandma waddles out with her walker and spends a half hour getting a drink of water and won't let me help her

gimme a fuckin break grandma filling your cup with nasty fridge water isn't "too much trouble"

>>11124937

>>11124157
I don't have any yet because my roommates never cook or hangout in the kitchen except to smoke which isn't all the time.

>>11124164
my girlfriend lets me cuddle her when she's cooking something. dump him and find someone more compatible perhaps? you duffer.

>server steps into the kitchen
>coworkers are idle while we have tickets
>plating is slapdash
>produce in walk-in undated
>incomplete prep list
About halfway through this I forgot if the thread was about pet peeves or just your average day at work.

>>11124164
tits or gtfo

>>11124300
Time to move out of your parents' house.

>>11124164
>>11124816
>>11124861
lying to yourselves only makes the suffering worse
>>11124928
this

>>11124937
This. For the vast majority of human history all generations of family lived in the same household and were expected to assist each other in daily matters. The idea that every generation has it's own household is an idea not even one hundred years old, and there is good reason to believe that the norm will revert back to that in the near future.

>>11124157
pretty much the same thing. my kitchen is pretty small but i eat at weird times so i figure im safe because my family eats EXACTLY at the same time everyday.
>come in to cook about 30 minutes after they're done eating and cleaning up
>they come to look at what im cooking
>get snacks or just fuck around in the kitchen
>literally have to force myself against the oven to let them by
think i've got anger problems because im sometimes shaking with rage by the time i'm done

>>11124942
reminds me of my great grandma that used to live with me as a kid. her walker didn't have tennis balls on them so there was a sharp grind thru out the hall sometimes accompanied by walking farts or just the smell which could mean far worst than farts. good times.

>fiancée wants to cook something
>burns steak in the cast iron pan
>fucks the vegetables in the stainless steel pots
>soaks the cast iron overnight because she doesn't want to clean it
>doesn't clean anything that doesn't go in the dishwasher
>doesn't use salt or spices

don't even know why I'm keeping her around

>>11124157
>cooking in the kitchen
>mother stops by for a quick visit her the way to work
>starts washing up pots and dishes I don't need to use
>does my entire week's washing even after I ask her to stop
>finishes then complains I made her late for work
Next time I move she's not getting my address.

>>11124813
>You're the most populous country in the world
That would be China

>>11125246
This will be the mother of your children. Get out now.

>>11125291
China may very well be the most populous but India is the most poopulous

>>11124247
>spits on the ground
You have to go back.

>>11125300
https://youtu.be/9-LNipzPsIA

>>11124164
>>11124229
>>11124970

This board is reddit.

> Here senpai, made you some delicious x y z
> Just start grabbing things
> No thats not how you make a basic ass meal which we are all aware of how to already make
> "Then where is the bread/sauce/my soul"
> Its in the toaster/fridge waiting for you
> passive aggression for days on end

also clean tards, I've shown them industry standards to remark how they're fucked in the head, but of course they forget in 3 days
> "You arent allowed to say that here, and thats not the way we do things"

>>11125466
Industry standards are well beyond real world requirements, because of liability. Management demands that you err on the side of caution, and secretly hopes you don't so if something goes wrong you can be scapegoated for not meeting the absolute requirements of their policy.

>>11124846
>naked baby on the counter
at least dress him up first
25 min @ 375 and its godsend

>>11124157
>family leaves stains everywhere
>bench is cluttered with empty wrappers/containers
>buy ingredients/snacks that nobody wants
>buy seasoning in pre-made sachets
STOP BUYING ALL THIS PLASTIC SHIT JESUS CHRIST

>>11125473

My family could suck my dick if I felt like, but I'm not a tard, so

>cooking
>drop spatula
>it lands in my gf's gaping asshole
>try to pull it out like arthur
>she flexes her asshole so hard it sucks up inside of her
>burn the chicken

god i hate my girlfriend

>>11125480
This actually happened coz when I poked around in there it felt like something was slapping my cock

>>11125358
Kind reminder: anyone who uses reddit as an insult, has not only outted themselves as a newfag, but is also worse than somebody actually from reddit.

>>11125719

you have to go back

>>11125066
Why don't you eat with them?

>>11125719
Like you did? o.O

>>11124761

>no, no, i'm not going to do that

Holy shit this triggers me. Why are boomers like this? They know there's a better way, they know its easy enough and they know it works everytime, yet they wont do it. This is exactly the way we are all going to die at our desks instead of enjoying our lifes shirtless at the beach

>>11125795
Somebody has to let retards like you know how irritating they are. Do you understand how pointless a thread becomes when everyone calls each other "reddit"?

>>11125818
shutup redditard
if you dont like being insulted then go back to your hugbox

>>11125828
I have no problem being insulted newfag, I do have a problem with retarded knuckle dragging semen sipping sacks of slug shit like you who just roll their heads across the god damn keyboard, click post, and think they're being amusing and/or contributing anything of value.

Anything else sweetie? Now shut the fuck up and go finish your homework.

>>11124164
My girlfriend always does this shit.
I'm doing something, you can wait 5 minutes if you want a hug.

>>11125840
>DURRR IMN NOT FRUM EREDDIT
>U'RE FRM REDDIT

>>11125840
So youre not only a retard, but also shit at profanity

>>11125846
You must be 18 to use this board

>>11125853
S E E T H I N G

kke, at least you can use the kitchen.
my friends and family banned me from using the kitchen.
>fathers day early 2000s
>dad likes coffee so i go to make him coffee in bed
>2 table spoons instant coffee, milk and water
>what else? oh, mint and chocolate is nice, chocolate and coffee go well, obviously mint and coffee will go well.
>mix some peppermint essence into the coffee
happy fathers day dad.
>he takes a sip
>anon, I love you but stay the fuck out of the kitchen from now on.

>>11125840
nigger

>>11124594
Wait... others do that too?

>>11124594
My wife does that shit too and drives me nuts because she never cooks. Why would someone feel compelled to reorganize tools they never use? Now the things that are utilized the most are hidden, and the pretty/attractive stuff is out on display. I'm thoroughly convinced it's so "things look cute" in case guests come over.

>>11124594
>>11126034
women were a mistake

>>11126016
Every mother ever. They have an urge to "put everything in its proper place" and that place can change every week.

>brother cooking in the kitchen
>paper towels
>touches chicken
>paper towels
>touches salt shaker
>paper towels
>touches chicken again
>paper towels
>touches pepper grinder
>paper towels
>gets spices
>paper towels
>gets a little spice on the counter
>paper towels
>gets olive oil
>paper towels
>spills drop of olive oil
>paper towels
>washes hands
>paper towels
>need an oven mitt?
>folded paper towels
>don't want to put your cooking spoon on the counter?
>put it on paper towels
>cleans the stove top
>paper towels
>cleans the counter
>paper towels
>washes hands again
>paper towels
>foods done, oven mitt again?
>more paper towels
>plate it up. need a napkin?
>paper towels
>finishes eating. cleans dishes.
>paper towels
>cleans utensils
>paper towels
>cleans pan
>paper towels
>dries everything
>paper towels

>>11126227

Literally me

>>11126052
They just scurry around and hide shit wherever then make their habits sound smart pretending its orderly

>>11124761
When he asks you to cook them for him to eat just say "no no I'm not going to do that".

>>11126227
I do some of these.
I'm not gonna put the spoon on the counter and getting a plate for it is excessive.

>>11124761
>'no, no, i'm not going to do that'

>>11124157
>flatmates all eat microwave meals or frozen pizza, only one guy """meal""" preps
>i'm cooking
>one walks in
>can't help but start flexing
>open oven for a sec so aroma is unavoidable
>put more vigour into sautee
>flip >30cm diam crepes and land it perfectly
>bring mayonnaise together as fast as possible
>start cutting faster
Can't help but show off until they leave but the worst thing is.
>I prepare a well assembled plate with clear direction
>kitchen is spotless after plating
>one of them throws a bunch of raw potatoes and large-diced chicken breast in the oven
>oven tray is completely fucked with burned on shit
>bunch of shit in the sink (forks, knives, a ladle???)
>doesn't clean tray for a week and avoids me when I hear him in the kitchen and he hears me coming
I realise this post makes me sound insufferable.

I have raged enough that people don't bother me, they know what I'm making is good so they don't fuck with me because nobody in my family can cook as good as I can.

You have to assert yourself as the boss.

>when someone uses a whisk to beat eggs instead of a fork
cleaning a whisk is a fucking adventure

>>11124300
my mother once came home from the market with 16 fucking lettuces. I do all the shopping now

>>11127728
I feel bad for you

>>11127980
don't use a shitty whisk

>enter the meal preparation chamber
>start disassembling vegetables
>put them into thermal container
>I forgot to ignite the inferno
>my pleasure is abating
>ignite inferno
>supply bird carcass into the concoction
>thermal processing concluded
>officers confiscate my edibles
every time

It should be a universal norm of all societies that only one person is allowed in the kitchen at a time.

>>11124164
You're a guy, right?
Fucking gayposters from /int/ ruined me.

>>11126227
Same with me but i atleast use a hand towel

>>11127728

Your life sounds insufferable cant even begin to imagine how it is to share a flat

>boomer inlaws
>Using my ingredients to cook dinner for us (wife and inlaws) to surprise me when I get home from work
>The surprise is that the high quality fresh fish or local grass fed beef or lamb that they dont even fucking like I bought was crusted with a half inch thick layer of tonys and cooked on high for 3 hours with a side of instant mashed potatoes (their contribution) and bacon

>>11131091
What is it with middle aged southerners and tonys
>Hosting Christmas at the new house
>Everyone says theyll bring a dish to pass
>Mother in law said hers would be better if she cooked it here
>Gets to our place 8 am, bought us dollar store chinese plastic plates and cups that cant stand temperatures over 95 degrees as a housewarming/christmas combo
>I start cooking around noon
>She follows behind me tasting everything with her greasy unwashed finger and adding fucking tonys to it
>Green bean caserole? Tonys
>Mashed potaties? Little tonys wont hurt
>Giblet gravy? Oh chile that need some tonys it dont taste like nothin
>Told her to gtfo out my kitchen before she reached my wifes cheesecake
I seriously thought old people messing with someone elses cooking was a meme

>>11124157
>dad insisting watery overcooked mushy pasta is the way it's meant to be
>dad thinking if it isn't at least 40% burned it's not done yet
>lived with one roommate who would look over my shoulder and lift up pan lids to see what I was cooking and then walk away
She was one of the most annoying cunts I've ever had the misfortune of living with
>people using shit that isn't theirs and not cleaning it
>one Irish roommate that would come in shitfaced every saturday night at 3AM with other Irish friends, throw pots and pans everywhere shouting WHERE'S THE FECKING PIZZAS I PUT MY PIZZAS RIGHT HERE RIGHT FUCK IT LESS JUST HAVE MORE DRINK and pass out in the kitchen
This guy was actually a better roommate than the cunt

>>11128342
THIS
I was living with my gf recently and she had 3 house mates. I was getting ready to cook dinner, getting my ingredients out and shit, then 2 of them come home with their groceries and i know theyre perfectly willing to cook at the same time as me so i just dip and give them the kitchen.
>later
theyre done cooking so i start my stir fry. but for some reason both of them and one of their friends are just IN THE KITCHEN making margaritas and leaning on the stove, sink, and fridge all of which I need. they could have moved their operation elsewhere.
>cant say anything because i dont want to cause unrest
>gf gets mad at me because i was mad
jfc i just cant believe how clueless some people are

Also
>organize fridge
>next day theres random shit everywhere
i did not implement a good system for it to be disregarded lol FUCK

>>11125840
>sweetie
>redditspacing
go back

>>11125466
Didn't understand anything at the beginning of your post. You need to work on le greentext