/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>11192929
My cat jumped on my lap as soon as I opened this.

Dick.

>>11192929
how's 7th grade going? oh and by the way, enjoy your ban

>>11192929
Man. I remember being spooked by this shit like 7 years ago
Where have the times gone...
Why am I so numb now...
Maybe it's just cause Im taking such a nice poop

just give me the egg webm please

>>11193510
>Shaving your shitty facial hair extra low to hide your double chin.

>>11193500
how the fuck did he even manage this
that actually looks like a non-newtonian fluid

>>11193524
at your service mister sir

>>11193635
>that actually looks like a non-newtonian fluid
That's because it is.
Do you even into science?
Retard.

>>11193635
Cornstarch, yo

>>11193640
>filename
good job anon

>>11192933
What was delete

>>11193644
i can't begin to fathom the amount of insecurity and stupidity that would lead someone to make a post like this
sort your life out

>>11193796
dumb epilepsy screamer video

>>11193803

>americans

>>11193873
this isn't gif retard they have to be food related

>>11193879
But the file name is clearly food related

>>11193873
What happened here?

>>11193873
Why is chinky eyes kick lady?

>>11193911
so I said fuck off and he just kicked me like an asshole and ran away

>>11193911
old roastie gets btfo by asian chad

>>11192924
i feel bad for asian dudes who have to see this fat manlet smeared across tv ads all the time, it's fucking propaganda

>>11193896
>curly dollar-store instant noodles
Every single time.
Why even bother making "the real thing" if it's just going to taste like garbage anyway?

>>11193933
And of course the jew steals things from you. Overall a sad commercial

>>11193933
i never noticed him before but now he's like in every one in three commercials

>>11193640
how the fuck

I can't wait for winter to have a nice hot coffee on a cold morning.

>>11194231
Magic coffee.

>>11193640
How does he get out

>>11194268
They have to eat all the eggs.

>>11193640
He break egg?

>>11193803
delet
this is a work sfae board pervit

>>11194243
>drizzle of cum at 1:20
secret ingredients amirite

>>11194231
are theyre pipes under the sand?

>>11194578
He's made it a bit thick, but he just needs to get his hand in there.

>>11193500
imagine chef john doing this using his freakishly small wooden spoon and it snapping in half

>>11193640
one motherfucker did this at the egg sandwich stand in town. he tried to get out and rippen through the eggs in front of him. i guess it flung him a black away he landed in the designated shitting street.
they still use the same stand but all the eggs are broken

>>11194913

many years earlier

>>11194935
>>11194937

>>11194956
>pull cart out
>push back in
>profit
why do people not do this

>>11194967
Need a key to release the collected trolleys, only airport staff have said key

>>11194969
>apply for job at airport
>pull cart out
>push back in
>profit
why do people not do this

>>11194592

...yes primitive. Liquid heating and bubbling over is maaaagic

>>11194973
The security people notice him doing it and remove the mechanism so he can't make money anymore. Presumably they'd notice an employee fucking with the cart machine instead of doing their job.

>>11193873
>dude kicks an old lady in the vagina
>tough guys reaction is to slowly saunter towards him like hes not even trying to catch him

>>11194974
But where does the coffee come from?

>>11193640
Is he actually part of the egg stand like cyberpunk style, or can he somehow leave at the end of the day and if so how does he accomplish the leaving?

>>11193873
BTFO, bitch has probably done a bunch of awful entitled shit in her life like cut people off in traffic, probably gave her son a few mental issues, cheated on a husband, backstabbed some girl at work who deserved a promotion only to get it herself. This old bitch got exactly what she deserved and she knows it

>>11192924
>that loop
kek

>>11195013

>>11193797
>eggs shirt
this dude is a pro, he respects the egg

>>11194978
That's my favourite part

>>11194935
>only take pics when granny is on fire

>>11194956
This seems like a comfy film

>>11195290
It's really good

>>11193803
Is...is he eating raw chorizo?

>>11193510
It's kinda sad watching him now since the second stroke. His version of keto isn't exactly keto too and no doubt he'll go back to his old ways and die

>>11194980
Its just boiling over in the pot thing so it looks like there's more of it.

>>11194991
Interesting.

>>11193640
ONE NOTHING HOW WITH ME

>>11194995
that is one of the most beautiful women i have ever seen

>>11195291
It's the story of Snowden.

>>11194691
Cool story, bro. Tell it again.

>>11194967
You have to pay more than 25 cents to rent the cart. Once you deposit the money, it will release one cart.

>>11193510
B I G
I
G
B O Y
O
Y
B I T E
I
T
E

>>11195020
He isn't even cooking that shit. They call him in just to crack the eggs. He's a professional.

>>11194980
the coffee is in the containers, you're seeing them bubble over and the foam being poured out. not all of ti is poured out so the next time he heats it more of it foams.

>>11195768
What is the point?

>>11193510

>>11195768
>>11195424
>>11194974
lurk more before you post please

>>11194980
It works exactly like a Moka pot, how is this confusing? Are you American and have only made instant coffee?

>>11193640
Eggy breaky not how out getty?

>>11194950
Classic comedy

>>11196151
>comedy
She's paralyzed. Still laughing?

>>11196214
Yes

>>11194977
>>11194973
>>11194967
>>11194969
Having you fucking people never been in public before? You put a quarter in to get the cart, you get your quarter back when you return the cart. It's a deposit. He is taking advantage of lazy people by returning the carts for them and keeping their quarter.

I know 4chan is stereotyped by NEETs but jesus fuck

>>11196247
she would be great in porn

>>11195933
Rent free

guys how does the coffee get out without breaking the

>>11194243
Is this a common technique in Chinese restaurants? I got pork and broccoli from a local restaurant and it was too greasy with no sear marks, so I'm guessing they did it like this. Just deep frying the vegetables so they get greasy, and adding liquids to the pan so it doesn't sear. I can even make fried rice better at home because everything gets seared for more flavor and it's not so greasy. I kind of feel like a lot of the Chinese restaurants in my area have gone downhill lately.

>>11196247
My family calls them "hostage carts" as a joke

>>11196348
The water mark on the top left says "uploaded by Khoan Vong". That's a jungle asian name, not a Chinese name. I think these are viets

>>11194991
I'm sorry about your issues with your mother anon, i hope you can resolve them some day

>>11196247
That's not done everywhere. I've only seen it once at Aldi, but most places still don't do it here.

>>11196387
He's in an airport. None of you watched the Snowden documentary Tom Hanks did?

>>11195827
>>11194957
>>11194950
>>11194937
>>11194935
>>11194920
>>11194913
>>11193873
>>11193803
is this a food related rekt webm thread

>>11196436
>>11196440
>>11196446
>>11196450
Not food or cooking.

>>11196453
how so

>>11193640
I still don't understand how he gets out. Is breaking them all necessary?

>>11196472
He can't without breaking the eggs. He's gotta cook them all bro.

>>11196436
>>11196485
Maybe instead of spamming barely related shitty webms you saved off of gif 5 months ago you could use that time to make some new ones that are actually good and on topic. And also kill yourself while you're at it.

>>11196494
Yeah, she definitely has a drinking problem.

>>11196485
I want an Asian wife so bad

>>11196510
yikes

>>11196500
actually i saved them from this board
i do make oc
im responsible for also all the jack webms

>>11193510
What gets me is his soulless eyes...

>>11196514
I don't give a shit. There's nothing food related about this garbage, now kill yourself.

>>11196520

>>11196521
did they not know to drink milk?

>>11196358
I don't think every Chinese restaurant is actually being run by Chinese people

>>11196529
they know enough to expose their mid rifts for views I'll give them that

>>11193640
Exit egg how

>>11196514
deserved it
stupid bitch

>>11195933

O B S E S S E D

>>11195933

>>11195267
That lady just ate her weight in pasta...

>>11196324

>>11193803
Joey that is not safe to eat raw

>>11193524
Fuck off, you piece of shit. You're the reason that fucktard keeps on posting that instead of making OC.

>>11195506
ye olde brit girls were the best

>>11193640
EGG?!!! HOW??

>>11193803

>>11193797
>0:29
>slip up
>candidate for egg king
Nope.

>>11197483
>>11197468

>>11193640
There he is. There he goes again. Look, everyone! He posted it once again! Isn't he just the funniest guy around?! Oh my God.

I can almost see your pathetic overweight frame glowing in the dark, lit by your computer screen which is the only source of light in your room, giggling like a like girl as you once again type your little Egg Fort thread up and fill in the captcha. Or maybe you don't even fill in the captcha. Maybe you're such a disgusting NEET that you actually paid for a 4chan pass, so you just choose the webm. Oh, and we all know the picture. The "epic" Surly King guy, isn't it? I imagine you little shit laughing so hard as you click it that you drop your greasy egg sandwich on the floor, but it's ok, your mother will clean it up in the morning. Oh, that's right. Did I fail to mention? You live with your mother. You are a fat fucking fuckup, she's probably so sick of you already. So sick of having to do everything for you all goddamn day, every day, for a grown man who spends all his time on 4chan posting about eggs. Just imagine this. She had you, and then she thought you were gonna be a scientist or an astronaut or something grand, and then you became a NEET. A pathetic Eggfag NEET. She probably cries herself to sleep everyday thinking about how bad it is and how she wishes she could just disappear. She can't even try to talk with you because all you say is "HOW DOES HE GET OUT WITHOUT BREAKING THE EGGS?" You've become a parody of your own self. And that's all you are. A sad little man laughing in the dark by himself as he prepares to indulge in the same old dance that he's done a million times now. And that's all you'll ever be.

Forever...

>>11197260
>haha I ate the mayo
I never understood this vid

>>11196440

Not food related but this is one of the most retarded pranks anyone could do to anybody. In the absolute worst case that can be lethal.

>>11193934
Stop using deepfried alkaline noodles you tool.

>>11197547
What?
I was criticizing the use of shitty instant noodles, what the fuck did you think the post meant?

>>11197518
Saved

>>11194920
>>11194913
How did these creatures outlive dinosaurs?

>>11196348
Apparently, yeah.
>Velveting meat—the practice of marinating slices of meat in egg white, wine, and cornstarch—is a Chinese cooking technique that we've covered here on Serious Eats before.
>Typically, after the meat is marinated, it is quickly blanched in a bath of hot oil and then drained, at which point it's ready to be stir-fried.
>https://www.seriouseats.com/2014/07/chinese-velveting-101-introduction-water-velveting.html

>>11196524
You are literally the only one who is upset by this.

>>11196514
So you make garbage.

>>11197630
yup
made this one just for you

>>11197646
Thanks, it's terrible. I wonder if he's ever going to be able to cut things again, or if it'll just be macro shots of his wife's hands from now on.

>>11197646
wait aren't these bulletproof?

>>11196763
they forgot to shit on the table.

>>11194913

He looks at him like "Jason what the fuck?"

>>11194231
these are turkish, worse than jews.

heres a more pg version of that crocodile webm

>>11195822
Noot noot

>>11197870
what a fucking badass

>>11195822
how he do dat

>>11197659
>hey guys Jack Scalfani here
>i heard from this guy called seekay that the vitamix is bullet proof
>i'm gonna be testing that
>this package just arrived from 1911
>*opens package and immediately looses instructions*
>i wasn't gonna read them anyways
>theres some assembly required
>*fade transition effect*
>it took me three hours but i finally assembled it
>so apparently these take .45 ammo
>i have never heard of those and i searched everywhere they did not have them
>so i'm gonna substitute with some 44 magnum
>there a little loose
>*bullet falls out barrel and jack is shocked; clip of it is posted in every /ck/ webm thread*
>ok got this bullet to fit
>lets shoot this blender
>*pulls trigger and nothing happens because he fucked up when assembling the gun*
>*another fade transition*
>i built it right this time
>*points at blender and fires*
>*misses blende completely cause loose fit and hits tammy*
>*blowback from massive pressure build up destroys the gun and takes his right hand off*
>*his ring hand is fine and unharmed*
>this was a terrible product i would not recommend it
>*dislike to like ratio is 3:1 and comments are not allowed*

>>11197959
not food related

>>11194598
love that channel, best authentic chinese recipes on the web right there

>>11193500
aah the olde quicksand battered chicken pieces

>>11195093

Why ruin a good dish with peanut butter?

>>11197974
Yeah, the recipes are great. I could do without the Babish ASMR narrator breathing down my neck though.

>a typical afternoon in america

>>11192924

>>11198024
all is good in the McNation

>>11197599
They're more versatile predators and require less energy

>>11198018
yeah and the constant 'heat up the pan to a searing heat' he says EVERY SINGLE video

>>11198069
looks yummy

>>11193640
this shit is worse than sneed

>>11198069

Lol wakanda irl

>>11198069
Just use a flat Rock nigga wtf how is cooking in the dirt real haha

>>11196363
>tfw no a v e r a g e korean girlfriend.

>>11194915

>>11198024
>>11197959
are the mods asleep?

>>11198219
Nah, they just don't give a fuck about this board.

>>11198027
>monkey narrowly avoids being turned into sopa de macaco riskily by faking his death.(2017 webmized)

>>11198228
how would i go about becoming a mod for this board
i spend most of my day on this board might as well get paid for it

>>11196247
>Avocaderia goes through about 200 organic avacados from Mexico each day.
So they are literally supporting the cartel directly every day.
>set up trendy restaurant
>end up aiding mass murder and crime
That's a big ol LOL from me dawg

>>11197599
Their ancestors probably slept through the apocalypse like the lazy shits they are after gorging on some fat dino.

>>11198219
Fuck off back to rebbit nigger

>>11198274
your dumb dude

>no new webms in the last 4 hours
>only 9 jack webms
let fix both

>>11197620
I can understand it for that, but doing the bath of hot oil with fresh vegetables just seems like a shortcut that lowers the quality of the final product by making it way too greasy

>>11198747
Yeah, I agree. It works with some vegetables, but not button mushrooms. I guess some customers want it to be a grease bomb.

>>11196514
>cock jersey
not surprised on bit at this outcome

>>11195404
Does he still do anything?

>>11197974
What channel?

>>11197815
Hello Armenian whore.

>>11197650
What happen here?

>>11194935
God I wish that were me.

>>11198866
I would eat out with this guy. Seems to know the good stuff on the menu.

>>11197530
His son finds it disgusting.
It's just a very bad style of dad joke.

>>11196247
Her mannerisms make me angry

>>11197626
Still doesn't change the fact it doesn't belong here.

>>11198876
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC54SLBnD5k5U3Q6N__UjbAw

>>11195127
Guess the volcano is a Boomer too

>>11197248
plastic in the ocean.
hear about it.
Never actually seen a picture of it.
Shit's fake, desu.

>>11199115
The volcano god knows what is good

>>11199127
They just don't make canned goods like they used to
I remember being hype as fuck to open a can of chicken noodle soup or ravioli now it's just shit

>>11196432
how do people live with this indignity
I would literally beg for death on the spot if I was so fat that I had to be driven up a tiny grass verge on a golf cart, let alone if I fell off the back and had to be helped up like a flipped turtle

>>11199138

>>11195013
>>11195016
What show is this

>>11199173
Most recent season of Orange Is The New Black

>>11196490
>christened by egg, the surly king was born from the yolk

>>11198069
>animal planet
checks out.

>>11192924
he looks like pic related tho

>>11195127
>*siiiip*
>yep, vesuvius 79 A.D.
>now that was an eruption

>>11199414
gay forced meme
fuck off loser

>>11199446
>butter
>sour cream
>VEGETARIAN PARMESAN
fucking why

>>11193644

>>11193644
>Do you even into
you ok, bud?

>>11199593
You have to go back

>>11195078
this seems inefficient

>>11199654
you're talking about a species that chases their own tails

>>11194231
mmm burnt coffee

>>11199663
>implying half the faggots here wouldn't suck their own dicks if they could

>>11199673
I don't see what that has to do with anything

>>11195267
Does she make scat vids after this?

>>11198866
I get dabbing the grease off, but a knife and fork? Not eating the crust? The fuck?

>>11199127
Probably still cold in the middle

>>11196247
I think I understand hatefucking now thanks dude

>>11196494
still would

>>11199727
We can only wish.

>>11195291
the terminal
pretty comfy

>>11198267
>I spend most of my day shitting and playing xbox

>>11199899

>>11199465
the ingredient in some parmesans and some cheeses uses rennet which can only be extracted from a slaughtered calf

>>11198353
Not him, but how is he wrong? Avocados in 'murika come from drug cartels.

>>11197646
oh my god add some water you dumb cunts

>>11196490
so this is what happens to trafficked children

>>11196247
Is there a cilantro gene for avocado? Either way, I despise that play doh mush bullshit. Not even doctored up to be guac. It's still just gross mush with shit in it.

>>11198883
Chinese rice krispies. No snap or krackle, just pop

>>11196490
>hahahah
>why are you fucking crying?!
> we can never have any fun with you

>>11196450
As a yuropoor that was likely his life savings spent on beer. Fucking shame his moment of joy got spoiled.

>>11200031
it’s fucking called “guacamole”, not “guac”. say “guac” one for time, fucking millennial scum

>>11200058
Is "guakky" acceptable?

>>11200058
Get with the times, zoomer.
https://www.today.com/food/hangry-guac-zoodles-more-food-words-added-dictionary-t136976

>>11200058
I'm going to call it guac exclusively from now on just because I know it will make autists like you upset

>>11195267
Imagine the size of her turds

>>11198024
This ghetto queen met a "successful" pile of trash at its breaking point, and a loser ready to lose its job, all at one time. It didn't end up in free food the way she expected.

>>11199429

>>11197260
*Choking Intensifies*

>>11199446
isn't that just a fucking pierogi?

>>11199670
>coffee is roasted at 180-200C
>100C will burn the coffee
little brain over here lads

>>11200821
It's the soccer mom version, yeah.

>>11195127
The fact that I can never play with lava like silly putty saddens me greatly

>>11199121

>>11201027
just drag a net through it for fucks sake

>>11201027
>Caribbean
>niggers litter
Color me shocked.
>>11201043
>just drag a net through it for fucks sake
Why would we do that, when we can jump into the middle of it and take instagram selfies?

>>11201043
Exactly. I don't know why Bill Gates isn't cleaning up the ocean. Instead he's worried about mosquitoes in Africa.

>>11201043
And then it's in a net in the ocean. Brilliant.

>>11201068
My bad I forgot when people fish with nets they just leave the fish in the net in the water

>>11201071
>My bad I forgot
Don't let it happen again.

>>11201027
It's cheaper to make new plastic than it is to recycle it.

They should just build an island out of bottles.

>>11201027
Why would you jump in that shit

>>11201071
Fish are eaten. Are you going to eat plastic bottles and random garbage?

>>11201196
Fine, we melt the plastic together and make the worlds largest paddle board

>>11198069
Dont care how they cook their eggs, I'll take Khoisan over Bantu any day.

>>11196462
wat has happen here?

>>11201282
My guess is she was pouring alcohol and spilled some of it on a table you cook in the center of which caused it to ignite.

>>11194935
omg

>>11194941
Generally speaking they aged well

>>11201027
If you incinerate it, it's gone forever. The heat can be used to generate electricity.

>>11194950
That could have ended badly.

>>11198024
Fantastic ass and cute tits, though.

>>11201421
>burning plastic to help the environment

>>11201027
Nigga, why in the god damn hell would you fucking jump into that shit? What a fucking idiot. I hope something scraped that idiot off some AIDS and punctured their gear.

>>11201471
just send the fumes deep underground or into space

>>11201503
Where the fumes turn into stars

>>11198024
This looks like a DnD campaign

>>11198725
>>11198748
>>11198723
why does everything he touch turn to shit?

>>11201564
He's like the opposite of King Midas

>>11196254
If she can pretend that tastes good she can fake anything

>>11197798
"Jason, I can't believe you've done this."

>>11195013
>>11195016
I can't be the only one who thinks the fat dude looks exactly like Chris-chan, right?

>>11193797
Youre on 4chan telling someone to sort out their life. Yikes.

>>11201564
Because he doesn't plan, prepare beforehand or practice. He just goes and does shit and then pretends its good when it turns out. His empty life is only made whole when he receives the fawning adoration of fellow swine-like flyover shitstains.

>>11199414
fuck off where to where you came from

>>11193524

>>11199173
a show for fags

>>11193500
This has got to be an achievement in culinary arts.

>>11198838
>nuggers
reddit, im sorry but u have to go back

>>11198866
this is the gayest thing on earth

>>11201564
Despite what people will say here that guy is likely legally retarded.If i had to make an assumption I would say his iq is around 75.

>>11201027
It's all habitat. I bet there's some stud mahi under there.

>>11193640
>>11193797
NO MORE EGGS
REEEEE

>>11198866
>puts knife in mouth

>>11199449
>>11201757
I come from a dystopian place :(

>>11201027
what a big fucking none-issue, this would literally take half an hour to clean up

>>11202608
And do what with it, someone has to take that shit somewhere and be responsible for it

>>11201383
memes often do

post the rarest jack you have right now

>>11202615
$ell it to chinks to incinerate for fuel
its almost as if you live in some kind of inconvenient fantasy world

>>11202653
>clean that shit out of the ocean
>pump that shit right into the air instead

genious

>>11202802
>DING DONG
>CHING CHONG
>PING PONG
JEANOS

>>11196363
koreans(?) are so weird and cute. it's like watching children discover something for the first time :3

>>11200203
>ck is niggers

>>11196500
based and webpilled

>>11198024
for me it's the mctitty

>>11202653
They're not taking recycling any more.

>>11198723
i don't even find his shenanigans funny anymore. his incompetence is annoying and his lack of self awareness makes me want to slash his throat.

>>11201359
it's way better with sound

>>11202802
U so jeenus anun
ddduuurrrr

>>11194991

t. Jamal

>>11195685

Neither of the Snowdens, you dumb bigger. It's The Terminal.

>>11196247

Women were a fucking mistake.