/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>13872511
Supermarket horror stories (updated for 4chan)
>I had to leave my house

>>13872511
>be retard
>sperg our regularly
>describe it as horrific and post it on 4chan to receive confirmation that you aren’t the only autistic spergaloid on this planet
Nice cringe thread, fag

>>13872537
>>13872559
maybe you guys forgot whats going on outside

>>13872574
Yes. Nothing.
>implying
>implying
>implying
I won’t even bother filling them in because your retarded shitposting is filled with so many implications you could dedicate a whole subreddit to jerking yourself off. Fuck off, nigger.

>be me
>punch in
ugh

>>13872581
whats it like during the epidemid? i see empployees at the parking lot smoking looking like they want to die

>>13872602
It was busy as fuck during the initial days. People were emptying out the produce section. Our manager had to order a double double-load to keep up. But since all the other stores in the district were ordering double+, they emptied out the warehouse. We couldn't order for like three days (supposedly).

Then the stay at home order came, and now everythings slow as shit (slower than a rainy day sometimes). But I still have a shit ton to do because I'm the only one in my section (and I don't work consecutive days so everything piles up).

>>13872627
did you hide stuff in the back for you and your family?

>>13872640
Me? No, mainly because my commute involves taking a bus and train. I don't think anyone would really care if I did though. But as usual, it depends on who your manager and store director are. They can be real bootlickers to coprotate sometimes

anytime i run into the grocery jester

>go to work today
>shelves are empty because our deliveries have been half assed
>people keep asking ARE YOU OUT OF STUFF
yes yes I know people don't know that but use your common sense and you can figure out yes we are fucking out

>>13872706
I just thought you moved stuff from store to store
I have seen entire shelves disappear overnight, that's not costumers doing that
Also for some reason the soda and beer in the shelves were cold meaning they took them out of the fridge, can't out my finger on that

>>13872640
I also work at a grocery store and there's no point in stashing stuff. There's plenty of shit to go around, people are just dumb

>>13872706
>Sir I noticed you didn't have any ground beef on your shelves. Where is it at?

mfw

>walk a few miles to the local grocer at 7 PM (they changed the hours, I usually go in at 3 AM so that I can feel like I'm the god king of Hy-Vee)
>buy everything I normally buy
>then I notice that the variety dozen donuts are $5.50 and not $5
In youth I had felt the hidden beauty and ecstasy of things, and had been a gourmet; but poverty and sorrow and exile had turned mine gaze in darker directions, and I had thrilled at the imputations of evil in the world around. Daily life had for me come to be a phantasmagoria of macabre shadow.

>buying groceries for master like the good little wagie I am
>nearby an old lady reads the price to herself under her breath
>turns to me and starts waving her arms at a stack of soda 12 packs in slow motion
>"ridiculous... isn't this ridiculous?"
>"excuse me ma'am?"
>"all of it. all this- this price gouging"
>the sign meanwhile lists soda on sale for below the normal price
>cough, say no, and go back to work
God bless China removing these senile fucks

>>13872747
>normally buy groceries at 3am because I hate people
>hours change so I now have to shop in the daylight hours surrounded by disgusting infecteds
>wear ghetto hazmat suit with full P100 cartridge respirator
>crowds of sheeple part before me in fear, huddle together, infecting each other
actually, this is kind of great

>>13872511
This might be the most reddit post I've ever seen

>>13872747
Your little paragraph there would’ve been kinda cool, if you actually knew the basics of English grammar.

>>13873648
>going to the store wearing garbage bags and a gas mask
People like you were obviously fucked in the head before this virus shit ever started

>>13876420
no shit sherlock
where do you think we are

>>13874998
I remember replying to this post, this guy was absolutely retarded and couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that she just thought it was cute.

>>13876427
>being edgy
>>>/ck/
>food & cooking

How about you go back, you need to ;)

they were out of sour cream

>>13873648
>that person is trying to prevent infection
>THAT MUST MEAN THEY'RE INFECTED AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Is that how they tick?

>>13876427
>>13872511

>>13872511
every single day of my life.
Never work retail kids, or you'll become a misanthrope within a year.

>>13876539
Get rid of the "retail kids," and i'd agree with this statement

>>13876449
civilization rests on a toothpick foundation of ignorance of the dangers and misery of the world. whenever you do something that forces people out of the cave for a while, they will lash out at you because they can't change everything else

>>13872511
>Sister in law is a manger at the local market
>See her in store
>"Sup?"
>"Not much, found three turds in the health and beauty aisle this morning."

>>13876611
shid

>>13876645
According to her, it's old people shitting themselves, and just walking around like nothing happened. I guess some old dude crapped himself one time, and they followed his shitty foot prints back to him somewhere in the store.

>>13872511
My supermarket dilivered my groceries to the wrong address.

>>13876679
Did you get a refund?

>>13876449
Irrational association. Like how dentists are associated with pain, when they're actually saving you from dental abscesses/death. Also, masks are creepy to many people. People mistrust masked people even if they understand there is a perfectly sound reason for them. Guess they'll have a higher chance of infection or death. Oh well? I don't have any candy ass N95's anyway.

>>13876611
>my sister in law is a manger
That’s a pretty strange way to self-identify

>>13876679
what matters is the friends they made along the way

>tfw the grocery jester replaced all the hand sanitizer with super glue.

>>13872511
I had to punch a nigger with my brass knuckles, today.
>Store has signs everywhere about social distancing
>Clearly marked lines on the floor indicating where to stand in the queue
>Everyone in queue standing by the lines
>Nigger and his niglets dont notice any of this, get right behind me and start hollering "Bix nood y'all mufuggas needa move"
>Calmly ask him to step back, ask if he's been under a rock the past three weeks
>Immediately chimps out, hollering and making a scene
>Slip on the knucks I have in my coat pocket
>Warn him three times to step back, other people and workers trying to tell him to just step back a few feet
>Grabs my shirt and I just rock him straight across the jaw
>Knocked his teeth out and knocked him out in front of his hysteric niglets
>Forty five minutes dealing with the cops before I can finally check out and leave, multiplayer people to corroborate and video footage of him touching me first after I tried to de escalate

>>13872537
kek

>>13877973
Wow. Pretty based but also surprised you didn't get done for carrying a weapon. Unless they're permitted in your jurisdiction which is fair enough.

>>13872511
>I try to mumble I don't work there but words don't come out of my mouth
If you need to avoid an awkward social interaction, just start coughing and the normies will leave you alone.

>>13877983
Yeah, knuckles are legal here, now. The one day I don't carry, is the one day I have to fend off a nigger. He's lucky all I had was the knucks, and I didn't jam my 9 under his chin. I moved to Montana to get away from these apes, and now all of a sudden there's a pandemic, and they're popping up everywhere in a town that has only had white people the whole time I've been here.

>>13877973
fake and gay

>>13877998
Well, he put his hands on you first so straight up self defence to me. Well done.

>>13872581
>sitting at home doing nothing but getting paid
>find out I'm going to be furloughed second week of april
>apply to publix
>no response
>going to be making more on unemployment then if I was still being paid
Feels good.

>>13878000
Wait of digits. And not him but seems pretty plausible to me. You're just buttblasted because a beta like you would never step up like that. Stay mad.

>>13878000
Suck my dick, faggot.
>>13878003
That's what the cops concluded, he didn't get arrested either but had to be taken by an ambulance. I swear if I get a civil suit for his doctor bills, I'm going nigger hunting.

>>13877998
That's what you get for white flighting instead of fighting it

>>13878014
> civil suit
You shouldn't do. Nothing you've said there would amount to a tort which is what most claims of this type would need to qualify for. Unless there's some weird bylaw where you are, I can't see what the grounds would be. He put his hands on you and you acted proportionately to protect yourself. One punch is definably proportional. You warned him repeatedly to. I suppose the cops could have said you needed to warn him you were carrying what would amount to a concealed weapon but that rule probably doesn't apply in your jurisdiction so possibly why not.

He'll learn, like all people should, that if you put your hands on someone without their consent, you will get what you fucking deserve. Simple as that.

>>13878023
Georgia is beyond saving, I'm sad to say, but I've made some connections with people here who are just as cautious around blacks as me.

>>13878029
>Pavement apes.
>Learning.
Oh how I wish I was as full of optimism as you.

>>13878033
Good luck and hope you can make a permanent home there.

>>13878029
It's not about whether he has a leg to stand on, in court, it's just that I'm sick of these monkeys acting the fool, and then claiming they dindu nuffin need mo money fo Dem programs that pisses me off. Knuckles aren't considered concealed weapons here in the same way as a pistol, so you don't need a ccp but I do have one, anyways, because normally I carry. Just wanted to get some stuff quick so I went to the store two blocks from me. Now I know that two blocks away from my guns is two blocks too many.

>>13878055
No, I know. You did say they weren't a problem to carry - I was just musing aloud. Anyway, I very much doubt you'll get any civil action from him. No grounds.

>>13877899
have an a, and an updoot.

>shopping
>see a guy eating a big ass wedge of watermelon, really going to town, looks almost sexual in his satisfaction
>instantly notice that he's retarded
>manager or something comes up and starts telling him he can't just steal watermelon and start eating it
>retard responds "I FOUND IT ON THE FLOOWH"

>>13878112
based retard

>Trying to shop in vacant isles of shelves that lack any product in them because people are retarded and panicked.
>Most of the employees look dead inside.
>Manage to get some soups and canned hash because for some reason that shit isn't flying off the shelves.
>Maintaining the safe distance code the stores have because I don't want to get got by some bullshit china funk.
>The cashier ahead is trying to tell every second person to get back in line because they keep ignoring the signs, floor tape, and instructions everywhere telling them to not crowd the fuck around the register, people are yelling at him for making them walk six feet back.
>And despite all of this he is smiling, apologizing to them warmly and being polite as fuck.
>Finally get my turn as he is spraying everything down with rubbing alcohol, after explaining to a very angry old man that he can't sell it to him.
>Still being polite, despite being called all manner of shit and getting a crooked finger pointed at him.
>Ask him if he's being watched by a pissed boss or something because he is acting like he cannot frown or he will get shitcanned.
>He just looks around and smiles again.
>"With all due respect, this is just a pandemic, it's not like a Christmas sale is going on or anything, this isn't even stressful."
>Realize I might be talking to a retail lesser demon.

>>13872574
>duhhhhh virus
Imagine being this much of a pussy in the 13th century.

>>13879017
last time i went to the supermarket there were several employees smoking outside they looked like inmates, when i went to the dairy secrion one of them was stocking milk, he looked like he hadnt slept in days and he dropped this massive create and docens of milk bottles went flying all over the floor
and he just had no reaction to it, he just got on his knees and started picking them up
i contemplated helping him but then i thought he would probably get yelled at by his boss if i did that
This must be how it was like coming across some plantation slaves in the 18 century

>>13879091
"Can't let massa see us not smilin' no sur!"

>>13872698

>tfw you can get by the aisle sphinx and her riddles

>>13879017
that honestly unnerves me, no human can have a mentality like that

>>13879113

>Do you know how the wagies first came into being? They were humans once, taken by the corporate powers. Indentured and broken…"

>>13877973

Fake. You'd be tried on attempted murder.

>>13879113
Almost makes you feel bad for the wagie.
Almost.

I work as a grocery clerk/cashier. During all the bullshit going on currently outside of the hoarding fuckwads a few weeks ago. The customers that come in now have been nicer than ever before and say thanks for working. Which is nice.

>tfw no social life outside of my computer
>mfw my daily life of staying at home or being at work remains unchanged

>>13874998
How do you not know what ladyfingers are if you live and work in the UK? Must be some dumb foreigner.

>>13874998
Kek

I walk past a supermarket on my way to work. It's always awash with mindless zombies compulsively shopping for shit, but I saw something yesterday that tickled me.

>Couple coming out of the store looking every inch the furious, perma-angry white trash
>One bag with something very small in it (could tell the way it was moving)
>Both arms filled with multiple huge packs of toilet roll
>No doubt conned the '3 of any item max' rule and gone in seperately
and here's the funny part
>Girl had a face mask on
>Guy didn't

I mean, if you're gonna be fuckin stupid, at least be consistently stupid.

>>13879314
You live in a world where most people under the age of 30 just want to be youtube stars.

In my office we have people who deal with million pound accounts at amazon but don't know how to use a drill, or throw out a product because a fuse has gone in the plug. It's mindblowing how despite the absurd wealth of information literally at hand, how little the current generation knows.

>>13872713
based schizo

>>13877998

>>13872718
>There's plenty of shit to go around, people are just dumb

I'm been trying to buy hand sanitizer for literally weeks now. It is never in stock when I go and it is out of stock online.

>>13877899
I'm missing something. What exactly is that arrow alluding to?

>>13873662
It doesn't even have acronyms, introducing the characters one by one in long paragraphs, or mentions Karen.

>>13876441
Quit buying sour cream. Greek yogurt is better in every way.

>>13880292
He misspelled "manager" and anon made a funny

>>13878033
I live in the northeasternmost part of GA and never see any black people aside from Fedex/UPS drivers

Happened at lowes the other day. Was there bringing a friend to a job interview so I hung around the store. Finally just waited by the front desk for him to get out. Guy walks by and asks me where the grills are.

I gave him a look "I don't work here.." Bruh I wasn't in anything remotely resembling a lowe's uniform. I was in a sunflower tank top and leggings, I wasn't even wearing shoes I was in my slippers.

People are fucking stupid but god damn OP, grow at least ONE ball and learn the words "I don't work here." If you can't muster that much you're never going to get anywhere in life.

>>13874998
Woulda been based if he just laughed a bit too and showed her where the actual biscuits are. Probably coulda got laid.

>>13880258
Wait. Is this the knuckles guy?

>>13876679
Based, quit fucking scratching the numbers off your mailbox and house you fucking lunatic.

>>13880790
> leggings
> I was in my leggings
Wow. And you posted that unironically and e’rything.

>>13878007
Pussy, I'd punch someone without brass knuckles. I'd grab some random shit and break it over their head if they could out-scrap me.

>Goto high end grocer yesterday
>see that they've brought back their hotfood bar in prepackaged form
>spend 30 min gorging on roast turkey breast with gravy and deep fried shrimp
Feels good man

>>13880509
But what's the arrow for?

>>13880790
Based fashion victim tranny

>>13877899
Seventh Sister sexually self identified as a attack helicopter.

>>13880896
pointing to an example of a manger

>>13872511
>go to supermarket
>get groceries.
>put them in car
>leave cart right there.

>>13872804
>God bless China removing these senile fucks

>>13880973
He could have just left out the arrow.

>>13880502
Damned if I'm putting yogurt in my borscht.

>>13879113
He is probably near the end of his cycles of life.

>>13877973
name me the state you were allowed to carry and use brass knuckles

>>13877899
hahaha those are some funny looking animals wtf are those dude look like goofy mix of cow and dog

>>13880270
I work in online and any sanitiser we get goes straight to the managers office for employee use. We'd have to get pallet quantities in before I even thought about putting it on the website which might happen soon as I heard distilleries are tooled up to make it now.

>>13883069
good. put on your own oxygen mask first

>>13880890
I get the fried shrimp but there is no way that turkey breast was that good

You guys think that maybe once this is over people will realize there are a bunch of jobs that can be perfectly done from home saving corporations a lot of money and people won't be asked to return to work?

>>13879097
Niggas that grin, win

>>13872723
>can you go get me some from the back?

>>13882394
Borscht is better with mayo anyway

>>13879106
>tfw just want some fucking eggs but don't want to deal with the egg golem today
>try to sneak around him without making a sound, but the doors are locked and only he has the key
>when i pull on the door and he hears it he smiles and starts rolling toward me, I was no match for his speed
>he rolls over me breaking multiple rips and giving me a concussion
>he gets back to his feet and says "no eggs if you haven't solved my riddle"
>"fuck you egg golem god dammit fuck" I just wanted some god damn eggs and i can never solve his fucking riddles
>"no eggs if you can't solve my riddle"
>the store manager calls an ambulance and I have to spend the night in the hospital for my injuries, costing me another several hundred bucks

I'm about to just buy a fucking chicken, I can't take this shit anymore. Have any of you anons figured out a way around the golem in your local market?

>>13883822
I still haven't managed to reclaim my sister's soul from the meat department mindflayers.

>>13872511
I was taking a shoot at a Walmart once and some kid crawled underneath the walls of the stall into my stall and just stared at me I was like what the fuck kid get out. I told his father when I got out and hope he got his ass beat

>>13883837
>>13883822
I got hit with the produce witch's spell, and it still hasn't worn off and it's been over a week. I don't know if i'll ever be able to cum again... I really don't think that's an appropriate punishment for taking more onions than she deemed appropriate, wtf

>>13883850
I can't believe that dad bought that, he should have beat your ass

>>13883864
What

>>13876413
Fuck off, he's probably an ESL who knows four languages total while your bitch ass only speaks one, FUCKER!

>>13883822
>not having your Wingjew with you while shopping so he can remove the aleph from the head of the Golem
OY VEY GOYIM

>>13883882
Shit that's a smart idea, thanks anon

>>13883822
>>13883850
The ice cavern goblins won't let me have my fries. It's annoying to make my own. I want my fucking onion tater tots you little shits. I've been filled with so much goblin jizz I'm surprised that toxic stuff hasn't found a way knock me up.

>>13883879
You mean the only one that matters.

>supermarket horror stories

>Go to a higher-end grocery store, one of those nice ones
>Everyone in there is obviously well off and polite, the staff seem chill despite being wagies
>They have a couple of free samples out (this was a few months back before this bullshit started)
>One of them is some kind of coconut shrimp or something
>Never eaten shrimp so I figured I'd try it
>Grab it by its toothpick and try to fiddle with it, not sure how to eat it
>The guy behind the counter just looks past me politely
>Finally just throw the whole thing in my mouth
>CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH
>Employee looks genuinely concerned
>Whatever, it tasted good, grabbed another one to go
>Go back to my shopping, whatever, it was a spaghetti moment but I managed to scoop it back up into my pockets
>Suddenly feel a weird lurch in my stomach, almost as if some unholy gastromancy ogre cast a spell on me
>Realize this could be dangerous and awkwardly shuffle towards the big RESTROOMS sign
>Its locked
>I guess it auto locks if someone is in there
>Really kinda gotta go, but see that the women's is open slightly
>Do I dare
>Do I do it
>The stomach says yes
>Rush to it quick and open it up and go in (they're "one-person only" bathrooms)
>Its...Alright. Not filthy, not pristine. Functional.
>Weird floppy thing on the wall you can push down, like a baby bed? IDK
>Sit on the toilet and immediately feel my asshole spray pure, concentrated ass juice out
>Feels great actually; smells not so great.
>Shit for about five minutes, grunting a little bit because I felt like I had to squeeze every drop out, just in case
>Finish and wipe, bit of blood, guess the toilet paper was kinda cheap
>Look in the toilet and its fucking red
>Like, not sorta red
>Fucking crimson goddamn red
>Suddenly feel panicked and light headed (not due to the blood, just the shock)
>Flush it but some of the splatters are on the sides of the bowl
>I ain't wipin' that shit off
>Wash up well and go back out to the store
>Continued

>>13883879
i'd rather know how to speak one language good then speak 4 like shit lmao

I just qualified for SNAP today. $144/mo. Not much, I know, but Amazon Pantry takes it. So, beans, rice, pasta, chilies, canned meat and poultry secured. I'll take the rest in 'deens and Saltines.

>>13883931
>The groceries I set down are still by the women's door, in the nice little bags they give
>Scoop them up and see a little girl just staring at me, she saw me walk out of the women's bathroom
>Seize up but carry on, fuck it, whatever.
>Look back and she's going in
>oh no
>please don't do it
>no
>She goes part of the way into the stall
>Evidently the fumigation hit her because she suddenly freezes then jump runs backwards
>Looks at her hands, then at me down the hallway
>I jump the corner and go to grab some of the shit I needed
>Hear the intercom go off maybe five minutes later that someone someone jessie or something needed to check out the ladies' room
>Getting real scared, but whatever
>I go past the coconut shrimp guy after paying for my groceries
>Those WERE some goddamn good shrimp, and I ain't never et shrimp before
>Grab another one and go to the exit (a normal door, not automatic)
>Grab the handle and open it right when I hear someone behind me say "Excuse me, sir"
>Rush forwards to the second door and flip that bitch open
>Never went back to that store again
I realized this wasn't very interesting on the latter half, and I was going to end it with open the door, get on the floor and everybody walk the dinosaur, but it did actually happen so you can have this footnote.
I still feel bad seeing the look of absolute betrayal and nausea on that little girls face.
>Shrimp is pretty good though

>>13883931
that sometimes happensm there is nothing wrong with your ass
the human body is weird like that

>>13883950
I think it was an odd hemorrhoid that tore, never investigated it.

>>13883952
its not in your as tho, the blood comes from a higer place
that probably wasnt shrimp, did it look like this? head and all?

>>13883957
It was a lot rounder on the but, more curled up but sorta yeah. No weird feely legs or what I assume is a face though. It was prepared somehow I think?

>>13883965
maybe you are allergic
maybe you swallowed to toothpic, my great grandma died that way

>>13883982
sorry to hear that, what an awful way to go

>>13879352
it's because the value of capital has gone down relative to labor. Tools cost 1/10 of what they did 50 years ago, inflation adjusted. And you can make a million bucks a year doing youtube and don't even need to blow a producer to do it anymore

>>13883354
>people: "yay we can just work from home instead of coming in"
>employers: "yay we can hire filipinos for 1/30 of the price"

>>13884003
it would be more like
yay we can make you work for 12 hours straight

>>13883941
nice story. why did you eat the second shrimp?

>>13884033
tasted good

>>13884044
were you completely unconcerned about the fact that you might have the same reaction again?

>>13884092
Maybe I should have thought on it better, but its not like it digested that fast and made me shit myself after 20 minutes, right? I mean, it tasted good.

>>13884098
So basically you think the events of the shrimp and the defecating were unrelated yet you decided to craft one autistic greentext about both events

>>13884102
Well, unless I was going to describe buying some soup and donuts there wasn't much else notable that happened.

>>13884104
Eating a free sample from jewmart and shitting aren't notable whatsoever

>>13879113
welcome to the service industry, if you had to talk to shitheads everyday you'd want to kill yourself too.

>>13884147
fair

>work at mothers market type of a store
>popular gym in the same shopping center
>always get fit ass instagram thots come in almost every day ( of course not anymore)

literally the only reason that keeps me going.
so fucking nice.
there was this russian girl that would come at least once a week. perfect sized titties, nice round but toned ass.
it sucks i dont see her any more because of this god damn virus.