/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>14699131
OP walking through the front door.

I saw some guy posting shit threads using his iPhone.

>>14699131
Some kid thought it was funny to scream Allahu akbar and then run away in a Bk.
That's all

>>14699163
that was me

>>14699163
>being poor

My teacher said he once ordered a cheese less cheeseburger just to mess with the cashier.

>>14699262
I know, right? I can't even afford rent right now because I'm saving up for when the iPhone 12 drops.

>>14699300
he really taught her a lesson

>>14699300
Based

When i was a child i was quite a picky eater.My family went off to a fancy restaurant and I didn't like anything on the menu so i ordered a plain plate of pasta, like two different waiters came over to confirm that we did just order a plate of plain pasta

>>14699131
>go to craft-brewery-taproom in grimy postindustrial part of town, with roommate
>it's a taproom, they serve craft brews from the craft brewery, two big chalkboard menus full of beers on tap, all made by the craft brewery (pay attention, this will be important later)
>show up, packed house, but it's a big place with plenty of rooms, meet the guy who invited us there (who works there), go take a lap to check out the space while the bar's busy
>back to the main room, find a spot, grab the bartender's attention, roommate is first up
>"Yeah uhh I'll have a uhh Miller"
>bartender confused, asks for clarification
>"Yknow a Miller, miller lite, whatever you got"
>bartender and our host both dumbstruck, stuttering, uhh, is that like, a joke? it's ____ taproom, they serve ____ beers, the menu's on the wall over there
>"Six dollars for a beer? What horseshit, guessI'm having ONE fucking beer I guess. What kind of a bar doesn't have fucking Miller?"

some morbidly obese boomer ordered off-menu at a bar I go to. some bespoke bullshit that ended up just being a plain chicken sandwich but it took him like 20 minutes to describe what he wanted

also not really food related but I've seen lotto machine players piss themselves at the machines. im pretty sure this one particular lady I see reasonably often there actually wears diapers (her ass is often wet, but not where the panties should go, just to the sides)

>>14699660
thats some epic cringe

>>14699131
>waiter: soup or salad?
My friend, who thought the question was
>super salad?
and kept saying
>sure
very cringe. This was 25 years ago, though.

>>14699660
i've seen the inverse of this a few times; hipster faggots coming to strip mall dive bars and expecting to find a beer list a mile long, then getting huffy that the best they can get is some local bottled normal ale

or better yet, people pretending to be all classy then trying to order a guinness, and getting mad when it's not there, despite there obviously not being a tap for it

>>14699699
>cringe
that's genuinely funny, lighten up

>>14699691
>im pretty sure this one particular lady I see reasonably often there actually wears diapers (her ass is often wet, but not where the panties should go, just to the sides)
hot

i sat one section away from a guy who i'm pretty sure was actually sped level. he kept randomly shouting and his mother did nothing to try and shut him up so it made it very hard to enjoy my meal

>>14699717

My fucking brother does this shit all the time “what IPAs do you have on tap” its like dude we’re at a fucking Yakitori bar just get Asahi or cold Sake you fucking fruit.

>>14699691

Imagine not shitting yourself while doing the things you love

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GTomMm61Ixw

>>14699879
>m.
FUCK OFF PHONEPOSTER
PHONEPOSTERS NEED GASSED AND BOMBED

>>14699986

Fuck you, its more comfortable on my couch with my cat, Im not going to my PC just to post on 4chins.

>>14699991
>he doesn't hook his PC up to his TV and have bluetooth peripherals for comfy couch browsing
smdh fampai

>>14699691
you should get her number

>>14699131
Well just last week I saw my mom cutting into her veggie burger with a fork and knife.
But I don't know, my daily schedule doesn't typically coincide with the lesser people of this planet.

My friend asks an employee everywhere he goes if he's supposed to tip them or not

>>14699131
Wheres the webm of the guy eating Spaghetti with scissors?.

>>14701962
Is this why Western birth rates are so low?

>>14699660
Based roommate

>>14701972
Nah, Americans make it their personality to reproduce.

>>14701962
Really hope this is a child's birthday party and not some reddit "men" having a ""fun weekend""

>>14701986
90% of millennials are not having children. It will happen to zoomers, too.

>>14702003
Not sure if true, I hope it is because I see so many babies in my area and I want it to slow down

>>14701990
nah, parents dont have money or patience to rent all those machines, and generally know how to cook hot dogs at least

it's probably reddit brainlet consoomers

>>14699660
>"craft brewery"?
You mean small-scale beer maker.

>>14702055
What's with the reddit spacing?

>dad takes me and sis to jack in the box for quick lunch
>sit down with order, white trash couple comes in
>clearly drunk/high on something
>at one point guy comes over to ask us for spare change
>girl is yelling at cashier
>"I WANT THE BURGER WITH EXTRA ONIONS. LAST TIME YOU DIDN'T PUT EXTRA ONIONS. I WANT EXTRA, EXTRA ONIONS"
>we leave
>dad immediately starts memeing "extra extra onions" lady
>becomes inside joke with us for the next few years
>any time someone orders something with onions we'll put on a white trash voice and say "extra extra onions"
at this point we are probably the autists now but shit was hilarious

>>14702071
oh yeah i forgot that people here are fucking brainlets and are utterly triggered and fully/foreverially delitized and blown out by anyone using the CR LF functions on a keyboard and also that punctuation is a big issue too i guess i forgot the rules of this sekrit club that that no one ever except for consooming marvel droids swilling soylent use the shift or return keys or any punctuation

>>14699131
Was a server at a nice bar and grill when I was in college. We had a regular that was unironically autistic and would order a burger every time he'd come in. Before taking his first bite he'd first take it apart and reconstruct it, rearranging the ingredients in the order he deemed fit. One day I had the honor of having him take a table in my section and, in the light hearted jibe sort of manner that made me popular with my regulars, informed him that we could just arrange the burger in the exact fashion he wanted it in (it wasn't any trouble at all because he made it a habit of coming in when the lunch rush was over and things became pretty mellow) and hissed at me and swatted my hand away in the most autistic flustered manner imaginable. It was that day that I learned spergs aren't really people and that all of the memes aren't memes at all. At least he liked his burgers medium-rare like a proper Chad.

Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.

>>14699864
I still think the worst is people who ask for guinness and get all huffy that it's not there, and act like they're being sullied by the salt of the earth for setting foot in an """establishment""" that doesn't have it. like nigga guinness is the most basic white bitch stout around, you don't get to be hoity-toity after asking for the stout equivalent of Coors Lite

>>14702096
>At least he liked his burgers medium-rare like a proper Chad.
burgers should be well-done. anything less is just a pile of mush. the only people who get burgers rare are the types of faggots who watched too much "How I Met Your Mother" and unironically carry around a "man card" in their (invariably either Zelda, Mario, or Pulp Fiction branded) wallet

>>14701990
I mean there is a birthday cake and candles at the end

If you guys don't have obese parents then you don't understand real humiliation in eatery establishments

>Father is 340lbs
>Mother is 260lbs but much shorter
>Once a month they force me to go out and eat with them
>They always try to be cute
>They are proud of their obesity
>They have 'props' they bring with them to every restaurant
>For example, they find the restaurants menu online then write it down on a huge piece of card and pull it out at the restaurant and start saying ''big menu for big people!'' and laughing while everyone else is silent
>at the end of the meal my dad always squats and rips his pants causing change to fall out because he hides it there then says ''we tip with a rip!''
>they always laugh at me for ordering normal portions

LITERALLY humiliates me every time and they don't care.

Food runner here. The mother is old, black, and fat, the father is old and white. I don't even know what race their teenage kid is. Vegetarian restaurant, retarded kid orders the tex mex breakfast burrito. It's just a wheat tortilla, cheddar cheese, scrambled eggs, salsa on the side, diced tomatoes inside, diced green and red bell peppers(they're the same fucking thing and we have to pick every red pepper out of the pre-made mix inside. Asked for no red peppers and gets one piece and throws a fucking fit. Fat fucking aspergers retard.

>>14702238
Is it safe to tip with a rip in the post-covid world? I don't think we should allow this to be part of the new normal.

>>14702238
Oh fuck I really hope this isn't true

>>14702149
You know what you're right and 1 and 2 candles which I'll assume means the kid is 12. Pretty based in that case kids gonna have a hell of a birthday party and be the talk of the school.

>>14702319
It would be an autist's dream 21st, though.

>>14702380
Imagine the smell

>>14702238
i can believe this happens but isn't common. but i see no reason to believe some poor anon out there doesn't have parents who live their life like a TLC reality tv show

>>14702149
>>14702319
>implying that's not for 21 and they just rearranged the candles when shooting the video to hide their true form

>>14702238
>we tip with a rip

10/10 post

>>14702238
everyone who doesn't recognize this pasta should be sent to a gulag

>>14702149
Hopefully for the kids party, otherwise very depressing especially the vacant room.

shift lead with obsessive compulsive disorder

>perfect attendance 2 years and running
>weekly audits for all inventory
>temps logged down to the minute zero tolerance
>literally everything (including cups) is dated and checked every day
>wipedowns between every single meal
>sometimes washing hands ten times or more per hour
>"samples" every hour to check for quality

he stresses but for everyone else it's his problem

>>14699501
Kids are so fucking stupid dude. When I was a child I hated roller coasters. So my family would go on vacation to an amusement park with a big long road trip and tickets and a hotel etc. Then we all stand in line for an hour in the summer heat. One of them gets on the coaster and the other one stays with me, because I'm a stupid child and I hate fun.

>>14702083
Sounds like good senpai.
>10/10 would show up to thanksgiving and christmas

>>14702597
Sounds like you were smart actually, roller coasters are normie crap, and standing in line for an hour for one is a fools move.

>>14699501
My mom tried to abandon me at a restaurant when I was like 8 for ordering a plain plate of pasta because she ordered for me first and tried to insist I have sauce. She was an abusive control freak who didnt even know how to cook, so it was her fault I had shit taste in the first place.

>>14702662
same, i was a picky eater as a kid. one day i realized that my parents were just shit cooks and I didn't trust anything they made because they constantly fought and started shit with eachother and would tend to involve me

>>14699660
What kind of a bar doesn't have fucking Miller tho

>>14699131
Eh one time.went to a diner w someone.
>>see this couple eating together but not talking or making eye contact, never said a word, leave aftet paying.

>>14702686
I've only been cooking for 5 years and I'm already a better cook than her. Also she's vegan now. I guess I'm glad she wasn't vegan yet when I was growing up because I probably would have starved to death, but on the other hand, she fed me a bunch of processed crap because she was too lazy to cook. As soon as she turns 45 she gets all health conscious, thanks mom.

>>14702597
>roller coasters are normie crap, and standing in line for an hour for one is a fools move.
This

>>14702587
sounds based, id eat there knowing id not die of food poisoning

>>14702096
>have one weird interaction with a person who was probably mentally ill or retarded
>muh all autists and spergs are the same xDD
are you a literal child?

>>14703556
they are, what evidence do you have to prove otherwise? on the spectrum yourself, perhaps?

>>14703560
do you not realize why it's called a spectrum?

>>14699300
so he paid for a cheeseburger and received a hamburger while thinking he was the clever one

>>14703568
Colours have a spectrum but they're all literally gay.

>>14703556
Yeah to me it sounds like a mundane encounter, this anon is trying too hard to claim "I TOTALLY MET A SPESHFUL PERSON WHO SHOULD BE LOCKED UP EVERYONE"

>>14701962
bet the pizza is gonna make it smell like fucking rancid farts and the snowcone machiens making wafts of sugar mixin those, along with B.O. and maximum humidity from the sweat.

sounds fun if I was 8-14 years old t.b.h

>>14702096
You cut his source of fun and relax while eating of course he would hiss at you, its not that he doesn't like how you make those burgers

>>14702118
Steakfags have done unimaginable damage to burgers with their "lmao ground beef is totally the same as steak so they should be cooked the same!!" bullshit and I will personally see that they pay for it

>>14699300
My friend's sister does this regularly then is surprised when she gets cheese on her burger. I told her to just ask for a burger and she said she hadn't thought of that before.

>hosting a "special olympics" for some mates
>basically a series of autistic challenges with points tied to them
>one is to go into the local fast food joint and do them most autistic thing you can think of
>this one guy chooses kfc
>walks in with a recorder, starts playing the titanic theme
>hes playing the recorder through his nose, not mouth though
>a few seconds into playing, the entire store including the staff is looking his way, people outside of line of sight are leaving their seats to see whats happening
>some disgusted, most in awe
>as the titanic theme ends, one table claps
>boomer yells out that if he plays another song he'll get his head bashed in
>quickly leaves the establishment

>>14703874
>as the titanic theme ends, one table claps
Kek, God Bless America.

>>14703818
I've been eating my burgers medium rare for over 15 years faggot. It just tastes better with a thick Patty like you'd get from a decent place.

>>14702956
I go on dates like that with my GF sometimes. Nice and comfy to enjoy a nice meal in silence but still have some company if you want it. Though we don't avoid eye contact...

>>14702956
I've been married for 5 years, and believe it or not this isn't uncommon. When you spend the majority of your life with someone, you can be totally comfortable in silence without it being weird.

>>14699879
I always think of the vinesauce one lmao

>>14699660
>$6 for a beer
That's pretty cringe in and of itself, especially when it's part of the brewery itself and thus doesn't need to fuck with transport costs.

I ordered my kid a plain cheese pizza, and the lady at the counter kept calling it a margarita pizza with no basil or tomatoes when I was ordering it.

>>14699131
I love my wife deeply, she's a smart, funny, hardworking partner and is truly the love of my life.

But she will literally dig through a dish and pick out every single onion in it if they have a single shred of crisp freshness left. It drives me fucking insane. She's not picky about anything else, but we can be at a freaking michelin star resturant and she's dissassembling a crepe and making a little pile of onions on a corner of her plate.

>>14704146
Oh I had a gf that would do the same she would only eat them is they were chopped at microscopic size, she fucked like a succubus tho so I didn't care about that

>>14704157
Oh shit wrong thread.

>go to IHOP with some friends late at night
>Waitress comes, i order a burger.
>Waitress asks "how would you liked that cooked"?
>I didn't hear the "how", reply "yes".
>Everyone laughs at me
>Now I'm embarrassed AND hungry.

>>14702089
i see you were angry enough to not include any punctuation in your followup post, cant you find a happy medium?

>>14702096
Are you autistic yourself? Your lack of people skills makes you seem autistic.

>>14699131
seen? it's something I've done

>order cheeseburger at sizzler with a friend
>they forget the cheese
>they say they can get that fixed right up for me
>ask for a refund
>manager has to come argue with me saying they can just send it back and get it added
>I say I don't want someone fucking with my food after it being sent back as if it's offensive or something

any linecooks here? can you give me the TRUTH on food being sent back? I would never send shit back ever, I feel like they'd be like "this nigga ain't like my food? fuck this nigga" and then fuck with it somehow, subtly, not like spitting or anything that obvious

>>14704213
I'm american btw, if it wasn't obvious from my photo

>>14702453
this

>>14699131
i've worked in restaurants 15 years so i've seen some stupid shit. grandmas pulling out busch lite from their purses and me having to take them away, people who can't read signs that we're closed and start actually jumping up and down yelling at you to seat them because they have money, one guy insulted the food sitting at the bar and the guy next to him slapped him and they started fighting and had to be kicked out. the most autistic was when some guy had a heart attack in the middle of service but he grabbed his upper chest like he was choking or something and someone ran over to heimlich him and he was trying to push them away and his wife had to grab the guy while everyone cleared tables and chairs so the dude would lay down. also lots of people bring drinks into the bathroom and shit with them and leave the glass which is gross and fucked up.

>>14702238
>340lb
>the first conversion measurement my computer goes for is 0.17 'short tons'
heh

>>14702652
>smart
>stands in the queue anyway without the payoff
hmm

>>14699131
I was in a Subway at a truck stop.in the middle of nowhere and this guy is in front of me with his mom. Not kid, not teenager mad hes away from his gf. A grown ass 30 year old man. Who proceeds to throw a temper tantrum because they are out of veggie patties. His mom tries to calm him down and get him to just order a veggie sandwich but this dude aint hearing none of it. He is crying and flailing his arms and everything. And his mom apologizes to everyone in line but were all just super sorry for her that she has to deal with this man baby. And he didnt even look that autistic. Just like your average soyboy melinnial.

>>14704213
PLEASE RESPOND

>>14704213
I wouldnt fuck with your food till you asked for a refund it's not like it was already spitted or it was raw or something, they forget your cheese they would have put some on it because it was their mistake but you have to be a whiny bitch about it

>>14704213
You gain almost nothing from spitting in someone's food and stand to potentially lose your job. So basically only people who put no forethought into the consequences of their actions will fuck with food. In other words if you walk into a McDonalds full of niggers your food is probably going to get fucked with.
I've worked in Fast Food as a teenager and in a couple of cafe/restaurants as an adult and I can tell you I'd never do it. If you're nice about it I'll fix your food, if yu're a dick about it I'll give you a refund and tell you to get lost. Spitting in food is asking for trouble.

>>14704298
>I wouldnt fuck with your food till you asked for a refund
how you gonna fuck with my food if I don't have any food for you to fuck with???
>>14704405
thx, seen a ton of black people webms spitting in food and shit and am never relaxed in restaurants anymore

>>14702652
>he doesn't enjoy roller coasters

wow what a fag

>snipe the last guy RIGHT as he kills the other guy

I'm so epic.

>>14702118
You are a fucking rat dude. Burgers should always be bleeding a little. It doesn’t need to be still mooing, but goddamn why do you want to eat shoe leather?

>Be working wage slave drive through job after High school
>”Hi um, I want a Ham and Swiss sandwich, plain.”
>”alright”
>”I’m not done. Hold the cheese, ham on the side.”
We put two pieces of deli ham in a soup cup and some loose slices of bread then charged her $7.45. I knew I had to quit then.

>>14702238
imagine being the waiter who has to then pick up hot sweaty coins that were being stored underneath a fat man's taint

>>14702238
this is fake but it's funny

>>14699131
Myself

A restaurant in Osaka wouldn't serve me their special (some kind of bean-based stew, but good value) because I was with my gf.

>>14699131
I saw a fat white guy in a kimono so some shit at a Japanese buffet

>>14704213
Honestly you mean absolutely nothing to anyone. No one cares you sent it back, you are unimportant at every conceivable level. They don’t care and never will they handle so many orders and whatever it’s a fucking blip to be forgotten as soon as the plate goes back up under the pick up area. I used to work at spencers 14 years ago and I’m sure people were embarrassed to buy sex stuff. But I never gave them a grin or any comment. Just ring them up send them on their way and forget about them. Ring up the next guy, day in day out.

>>14705421
How do I downvote on 4chan?

>>14705421
good to know but there's a difference between selling a product and someone not liking something YOU made

>>14699131
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GC5rAX0xHg

>>14701528
Your mother sounds based. Only savages eat with their hands.

>>14702238
Haven't seen this in years. I'm old as fuck

>>14699699
There was a Courage the Cowardly Dog episode with a bit that went sort of like this.

>>14703575
I would have asked to see the manager after my meal and demanded a partial refund because there was no cheese.

>>14699660
incredibly based

>>14699131
I was actually there when that gook boy got up on the counter and started screaming about the sechaun sauce at McDick's.

>>14702089
gb2r dumbposter

>>14699300
Proves my point that schools for fools.

>>14703906
imagine having a child's pallet.

>>14704405
>So basically only people who put no forethought into the consequences of their actions will fuck with food
but that's literally everyone in the food industry.

>>14704104
this is the thing that has let me escape the drinking in bars meme

>>14707862
Palate.

>>14699131
I feel like these thread as reddit farming that will eventually get re-re posted into clickbait sites like buzzfeed.

>>14704261
that was me suck it normie

>>14707952
what are you trying to tell me? Speak English you dumb Ameritard.

>>14702587
I have to do this daily. It's a fucking chore. Be glad you're not the guy who does this. Almost killed my passion for food having to be like this.

>>14707976
The word you're looking for here is palate, not pallet. A pallet is pic related.

Happened to me once-

>smoke a shit ton of weed with 4 or 5 of friends in high school
>go to a pizza place
>we all order pizza, pay, and go sit at a table
>they begin calling the orders
>I'm so high that I forget what order we ordered in and I think they forgot mine even though I paid
>I go ask the lady where my pizza is and we being getting into a fight because she's telling me it's on it's way but I'm baked and keep saying I never got it
>Starts to cause a scene in the pizza place but eventually I just say okay and go sit down
>Lady brings out my pizza and gives me a snotty "see here it is" type of deal

>>14704040
I honestly love the silence. People that need to talk are afraid of their inner thoughts.

>>14704213
We won't fuck with your food hit your server and the other cooks will laugh at your expense and call you retarded.

>>14704213
Former linecook of like 10 years. Never fucked with anyone’s food but have seen others do it. That’s a simple, easily corrected mistake. I’d probably just bitch st FOH for fixing up the slip.
>cunt waitress who lost her real Job orders the same thing she gets for staff meal. Egg white omelet.
>I recognize the order, but she didnt specify “veggie omelette” so I cook it as ordered. Full yoke
>3 seconds after “order up” she comes back at me screaming...”how hard is your job?” And screams every name at the book in me.
>calmly pull the slip and say. This isn’t written as an egg white omelette. Please resubmit if you want it corrected.
>bitch gets flustered, storms off, to resubmit through the register, instead of just verbally.
>how hard is YOUR job you can’t submit your own order right?

I could have spit in her food, but most line cooks aren’t petty with fucked up orders, but we can be dicks about it.

>>14707990
Dumb American.

>>14702994
Be very glad you weren't raised on a vegan diet, anon. Vegan children grow up to be extreme manlets.

>>14708049
Nope, this is not a colour/color type regional spelling thing. You simply got the word wrong, it's okay anon, it's a common mistake.

>>14708057
Ignorant American.

>>14699131
I went to a nice italian place a few years ago with my parents, half way through the meal my mum starts to chuckle and tries to quitley explain that I should look around at what's behind.
I shoot a glance and see a guy in his late 50s, kinda ratty looking with what I presume was his equally ratty hippy looking wife, he's conducting all his conversation through a sock puppet he's wearing on his hand. He never put it down the whole time until they left, even talked to the staff with it.

>>14708066
Literally go fuck yourself you brain dead FUCKING MONGOLOID, Jesus Christ if it were up to me I’d boat you into outer space with no oxygen, you literally do not deserve to live you inbred backwards fuck, I hope your mother dies of anal heroes and all your friends kill them selves by driving headfirst into oncoming traffic

FUCK

This was before covid, but having to actually explain why this wasn't okay was pretty fucking retarded. This place was a fucking joke anyways.

>>14699131
Yesterday was the worst dinner I have ever had. I generally don’t socialize with coworkers, but for some reason I did. I should have stuck to my rule about forgoing outside of work socializing. Six coworkers met at someone’s house yesterday under the pretense of ‘iris stew’. I grudgingly accepted the invitation and arrived at 2 pm (when I was told to arrive). I brought traditional soda bread that had to be baked first. The host made a bit of a stink about using the oven when he had other things in there, but I told him I wanted it fresh.

The stew was still cooking and the host was already drinking alcohol at this time. In the middle of a conversation with a member of the opposite sex, the host tells me, “Please, no talk about politics. Please not today.” I said if more people talked about politics we would be in a better country. He got very argumentative, so I just dropped it.

I was drinking apple juice that I brought over and the host kept trying to get me to have a beer. He was obviously intoxicated and starting saying how maybe I would be relaxed and ‘cooler’ if I had some alcohol. It was honestly pathetic, like peer pressure from a high school TV show.

Anyway, at that point I became withdrawn and went for a walk. I came back right before dinner and that is when the fun started. He made ‘Irish stew’ with beef, carrots, Worcestershire sauce, black pepper, hot sauce, oregano, tomato, and various ingredients. I started telling other that proper Irish stew should only contain mutton, potato, onion and water and that beef, tomato, black pepper, hot sauce, and Worcestershire sauce and other ingredients would be available then and therefore it was a modern stew, not an Irish stew.

>>14708086
We started eating and someone asked about what I had said about real Irish stew. The host looked so annoyed so I told him. He turned red and told me if I didn’t like it I could, in his words, “get the fuck out and take my apple juice with me”.

I was shocked and speechless. He left the room and his girlfriend (they are unmarried but live together) apologized. Eventually, people started talking more comfortably and he came back and was brooding and drinking more.

The stew was okay, but not authentic. I asked him if he knew that mutton was on sale at a local store and he flew in a tirade, bringing up any small error or faux pas I have ever committed at work. People were trying to calm him down, and I simply responded to him in a quiet and calm voice, and said that I appreciated his invitation and his take on Irish stew, but it would have been nicer if the company had been more warm.

He got up and pulled me out of the chair, stretching my sweater at the neck in the process. He was literally screaming in my face and has his fist up in a threatening manner.

It was a horrible affair, but I decided to make authentic Irish stew today because I was let down yesterday and had a hankering for it. It is simmering on the stove and I plan on bringing it to lunch on Monday, one bowl for me and some for the host. It will be a subtle form of revenge as well as a way to show him that I am a better cook and am the more mature, forgiving person.

I'm still wondering how work will be tomorrow and what stories and rumors he's going to start spreading about me.

>>14708090
good for you for keeping your cool

>>14704230
>also lots of people bring drinks into the bathroom and shit with them and leave the glass which is gross and fucked up.
what the fuck

>>14708090
This is you bro.

>>14708079
um, upset, AMERICAN?

>>14702118
You have too many memes rattling around your head, medium rare is the standard for a burger.

>>14702238

>>14707862
Lol where the fuck would I get a 1 ton child to put on this so called child's pallet eurotrash

>on roadtrip with extended family
>nephew is a "foodie"
>at some shithole restaurant that was next to a hotel in the middle of nowhere
>nephew takes a bite of food and loudly exclaims "yeah this is sysco"
>some family members ask what he meant
>"its not fresh its made by sysco and resold here"
>"oh ok"
>everyone continues eating
>LOUD SIGH
>"how can you stand to eat this garbage??? its literally sysco! its premade trash!"
>argument insues
>half of the family agrees that the food is bad
>loudly badmouth the restaurant while still eating there

im sure all of our food was spit in. i have no idea what goes through peoples brains when they decide to shittalk places before youve gotten all of your food

>>14708086
>>14708090
This pasta is like being high on ether, watching the world through a retard's eyes, helpless to curtail his retarded actions

>>14708086
>>14708090
I am in awe of your patience. I would have been lying on the floor shrieking with my shirt off halfway through that ordeal.

>>14708090
>>14708086
what about the bread?

>>14708090
To be fair you do seem insufferable

>>14703874
>recorder
were you looking for the word 'flute'?

>>14699864
Wtf, you just made me realise I had a dream where I ordered an Asahi but they didn't have it. Weird.

>>14708175
>Eurotrash
Most Americans I've met are bad at English and have a child's reading comprehension.

When I was a kid, my dad and I were eating at a restaurant. We overhear a commotion at a table and it's some portly little boy choking on his food. The parents are freaking out, but a person from another table helps and all is well. After the thank you's subside, you hear the dad telling the kid to take smaller bites of food.

Not less than 5 minutes later, the boy is choking again. As the food gets knocked out of his mouth, you hear his dad yell, "AGAIN!?!? The same piece you choked on before?"

Yep, that boy put the same piece of food in his mouth trying to tempt fate a second time.

>>14708908
based

>>14708831
The pictured instrument is a fipple flute, also known as flute recorder, which is a common type of flute. Around the world, it's often referred to in English as simply a "recorder" to distinguish it from the transverse flute, which is by far the most common form of flute in the western world (though recorders are much more popular as a teaching instrument for young children).

A "recorder" is a type of flute, but simply calling it a flute is vague and unspecific.

>>14699660
based

>>14699131
literally any time parents bring their little spoiled monsters to eat with them
loud crying and them trying to calm then down with louder shouting and promises of things to come

>>14709105
I yank my kids out of a restaurant so fast. It only took one time sitting in the car for 40 minutes while the rest of our party ate and then we left for the kid to learn that when I pull her out of the building... any building, I mean fucking business. Most parents aren't willing to make that sacrifice, the meal, the cart of groceries left, to teach their kid they don't fucking play. Take them outside, calm them the fuck down, and go back in when they can act civilized. it's not that fucking hard.

>>14709105
>little spoiled monsters

are you 59

>>14704213
if an honest mistake is made in the kitchen and the server brings it back we just fix it. Shit happens, I can't speak for other kitchens but we're more likely to start shouting at each other than blaming you for something like that. Not all linecooks are niggers.

>>14709137
(s)he's in her late 20s and just about to find out what "wine aunt" means

>>14709148
litearlly only old people call kids little monsters lol

my dad does it and he's old as fuck

>>14701962
Ah, the elusive Full American Breakfast

>>14708071
chad skitzo

>>14708090
>>14708086
who ever wrote this should never be let out in the world fuckin hell

>>14701990
>just turned 30
>never had a birthday party

If I had the funds I would do this for myself, but I'd replace the candy and sweets with drugs and escorts

>>14701962
>all that food just getting cold
AaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

>>14705421
you're full of shit. Whatever drug addled whore stacey takes my order back is the one whose gonna be a cunt about it. This is why if there's any issue whatsoever you go direct to management, get your refund and tell them like a nutcase that you don't trust the bitch who took your meal back, and that's why you're leaving

>>14709333
based

>>14699262
if you think iPhone is luxurious product worth bragging about, you are most likely poor or underage

>>14708939
I'm from New Zealand and the recorder was baby's first instrument in school. It is also the most offensive instrument to the ears. Fuck the recorder.

>>14709133
>Sit in the car for 40 minutes and sacrifice your meal to teach a kid a lesson
UnfuckingBelievably based!!!

>>14699131
People tipping.

>be me
>be 8 years old
>had learned (dining) table manners at school recently
>i.e. using knife and fork to eat instead of using hands (im asian)
>go to a pizza place with parents
>eat pizzas with a knife and fork

I still remember that day. And I can only imagine the horror the restaurant employees must've felt while watching my uncultured ass eat.

>>14709506
They probably thought you were Japanese and millionaires that owned Sony.

>>14709540
I live in a third world country in South Asia, the ones that can't poo in the loo

>>14699864
How the fuck do people even like drinking IPAs, that shit is disgusting

>>14699300
Devilish!

>>14709548
Why not just say india you retarded pajeet

>>14709447
Burger here and same for us. Had to learn it in like third grade and I still remember the look on the parent's faces every year they had to hear those shitty fucking whistles

>>14708086
>>14708090
Based autist.

>>14701962
>Wheres the webm of the guy eating Spaghetti with scissors?.

>>14709714
At least he's not using chopsticks like some savage.

>>14708124
Skinner was always the best character

>>14709432
That's a weird form of spelling american

>>14708124
I don't know why but that part always made me laugh like a retard, but most of Skinner's Vietnam flashback do that for me

>>14709714
honestly based as fuck

>>14709559
I actually only drink IPAs, unironically. I love them. But I'm pretty picky, there's only a few that I like. And also I only drink them with an empty or mostly stomach.

>>14710002
>drinking only when no food in stomach
enjoy your wet brain lol

>>14701962
If that was from 2005 and those were PCs with world of warcraft on them that would be so incredibly based. Except for all the candy.

>>14699131
Man walked into my bar wearing this, he was as autistic as you'd expect. I didn't have the heart to tell him I was laughing because I got the joke, not because he was a walking laughing stock.

>>14702083
>put on a white trash voice
What's that sound like anon

>>14702096
based
>>14703556
>>14703765
>>14704210
take your meds

>>14710023
>I got the joke
what joke?

>>14702089
>fully/foreverially delitized
Heh. You get a pass from me anon

>>14702118
Everyone's being retarded. The doneness depends on the kind of burger. Steakhouse burger with a thick patty? Medium rare is great. Normal burger with a pebbly grind? You can cook it all the way to well done and it'll still be juicy. Smash burger? Obviously it's gonna be well done

>>14699131
A friend joined my family to go eat at a country BBQ joint. Freaked out and started insisting all the people eating ribs with their hand, including me were uncivilized monsters. Thankfully everyone mostly ignored him, I was worried someone would punch his face in given his attitude. I think we mostly felt vindicated watch him struggle to cut all the meat off the ribs with his fork and knife.

>>14699300
I did this, because it was the only way I could get a burger without cheese. McDonald near me only gave out cheese burgers. You ask for hamburgers you would still get a cheese burger. You ask the manager you would still get a cheese burger, try as I might they could not comprehend the idea of a burger without cheese. Even going so far as to pointed out it was the same price, so I was a fool for turning down free cheese. Never mind how cheese gave me bad gas issues. One day in frustration I asked for a cheese-less cheeseburger and they finally gave me a hamburger. Kept ordering it that way for years, as it worked.

>>14704497
around linecooks never relax

>>14708090
>>14708086
I despise you yet respect you at the same time.
The authentic irish stew as a gift tor lunch tomorrow is truly devilish. Bravo.

>>14705355
just say it is your cousin.

>>14710073
>>14702096
Samefag it's not our fault that you were shitty to a autistic person, let him be, he does that because he feels better doing it, not because you need to do that for him

>>14710196
>>14708098
>>14708547
>>14708803
I want newfags and tourists to leave

>>14699262
Stop calling everyone who doesn't post with an iPhone poor you absolutely moron. Other people not being scammed into buying overpriced phones doesn't make you better than them. And please, for two seconds try to live life without the blurred lens of classism; you'll be much happier and less irritable.

>>14702587
Sounds like someone competent.

>>14710253
why? newfags taking pastas seriously is always fun to watch

>>14710279
lot of words for poorfag cope

>>14699131
I saw two people walk in with their thirty something year old son

They handed their waiter a home brand frozen pizza, bag of potato waffles and a can of baked beans, and asked them to cook them for their son as he doesn't like any other food

They cooked it, then he threw an autistic fit because it wasn't cooked the way he liked it, and started screaming, stomping his feet and demanding a new one. They didn't have another one, so he got worse, continued screaming and went and flipped other tables

One man with his wife had just been served his food, then this screaming autist flipped his table. He stood up and decked the autist, who immediately burst into tears and went back to his table and sat there sobbing

The parents just sat there and finished their meals, while their son just cried solidly for 20 minutes

It was awkward as fuck, but my steak got comped so it was alright

>>14709787
Americans hold more personal wealth than the average brit.

>>14699717
>thinking a Guinness is fancy

dafuq? maybe if you're on the west coast but surely the Irish on the east coast would've introduced this a century and a half ago. thinking a Guinness is fancy is laughable to a European

I always served at the bar so I never got many autistic interactions. just one numale checking his bank balance in clear view of everyone everytime he ordered a drink for him and his poor girlfriend. noticed that groups of women ALWAYS paid separately while men always paid for rounds. made me hate women a little bit more, cheap despicable cunts

>>14709159
I am 21 and I call some kids monsters at times.

>>14699131
What is the most autistic thing you have ever witnessed take place at a dining establishment?
Once when I was eating a carvery dinner with work colleagues I started to mash up my dinner with a fork. Like I was going to feed a baby. I was doing it without thinking and only caught on to it by the look of surprise in my (female) colleagues face

>>14710299
You are a fucking idiot if you think an iPhone is something for richfags. literal niggers can get them for a $100 deposit and a 2-year contract.
Proof in point, check my filename, you LARPing piece of dogshit

>>14710023
Thomas?

>>14702096
Not all spergs are the same.
There are some things they have in common, but autism is a whole range of traits you only need enough of to be diagnosed.
T. Sperg who wouldnt do that.

I remember I sat a table of 1 one time, guy stank of body odor and was wearing some weird type of chainmail, like he was a knight or something. It was fucking weird. As I'm bringing him the receipt I glance at his phone and see the /ck/ banner at the top of the page. I get up really close to him and go, I know about 4channel anon, I know everything. He got up paid and ran out of the restaraunt terrified.

>>14702238
That's hilarious!

>>14710404
>desperately changing the filename in an attempt to not look poor

>>14699131
Sure.
>Girlfriend and I were at a breakfast/lunch diner a few weeks ago on a Saturday morning
>An obese black woman waddles in with a somewhat in-shape black guy
>We are sitting easily 20 feet away but she is so loud while ordering food it like she is in the booth with us.
>Her phone rings. She begins to have a conversation over speaker phone mode with someone. Constantly cussing the entire time; saying nigger and etc.
>Staff asked her to step outside or take her call off of speaker mode as it is bothering others
>Boyfriend convinces her to end the call after some arguing
>Girlfriend and I are waiting for the check when we witnessed autism from the black woman
>Black woman starts yelling at the staff for as her food doesn't look good or something. Takes the food and pushes it off the table and onto the floor
>Fast waddles out of the diner immediately afterward
>Boyfriend is apologizing like crazy to the staff and patrons about his girlfriend's attitude
We go to this diner once or twice a month as some friends work there. Apparently this is a once-a-month ordeal where that couple comes in. She makes a scene and then he pays like $200 to have them "forget about it" until next time.

I went to a pho place and ordered their regular recipe, the waiter was like are you sure you want that (implying the filthy whitie that I am couldn't eat tripe I guess), Instead of insisting I pussied out and took his suggestion for some reason. Wasn't my usual place so at least I didn't have to go back.

>>14702096
Cringing so hard at the replies from insecure autists to this post

>>14702238
Oldie but a goodie

>>14710620
You asshole I cried all night.

>>14710253
Says the newfag who still thinks the way to interact with pasta is to proudly boast that you recognize it.

>>14710689
Almost sounds like an idiot trying to launder money. If they come in once a month and do it, I wonder if they have the same waiter? That would set off red flags for me for sure. Probably friends with the waiter or something

>>14710727
I miss living near a bunch of viet places. Tendon, tripe, briscut, eye round slices, sprouts, chilis, basil, that fatty beef broth all swimming in a bowl of noodles as big as your head. Best thing for a hangover stomach. Fug I miss it boys

>>14710936
black people are not that intelligent

>>14711394
Quality post. Glad you're here to brighten the board with your unique zingers.

An actual autistic kid strapped to his chair screaming RRRRRAAAAAUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHH and swinging his head in a circle

>>14699660
>>14699660
umm hola, departmento basado??

>>14708090
The classics

>>14699996
I do, very comfy.

>>14699131
at a diner in Grant, new mexico some manlet tried jumping the counter to fight with the chef. ended up getting arrested by an off duty sheriff

>>14699131

My 5yo son is severely autistic and ruins every meal, in every restaurant, for everyone. I purposefully bring him places to "socialize" him but it's really just to make others feel what I have to feel 24/7.

>>14712003
Autism can be cured with beatings and severe bullying. If your son is still autistic at 5 years old you've failed as a parent.

>>14709714
This man is a God in many cultures.

>>14710936
Who the fuck needs to launder $200?

>>14712003
Maybe one of these days you accidentally forget to hide some tasty cleaning products in a low enough place.

>>14712063
street-level crack dealers with parole officers wondering where they get money when they don't work

>>14699131
>orders pizza
>allergic to salt as a mod
>le wtf

>>14712031
Don't forget rape. Make sure to both attend a catholic church and send the son to public school to maximize chances of rape.

>>14712217
If you want something done right, do it yourself.

>>14699660
I fucking hate boomer marketing larpers.

I saw two guys wearing anonymous masks in a mall Subway once

>>14709213
based bender

>>14708024
>People that need to talk are afraid of their inner thoughts.
or lack thereof
for them the silence within and without is unbearable. needing constant noise is a dead giveaway to a dead brain

>>14704213
ive only spit in food twice. 2am sat night drunks come 6 in a car, 10 orders, none of them standard. drive-thru trying to get the orders right has them repeat the orders. they get belligerent. they get spit and TONS of mayo/ketchup/mustard on tiny burgers. i dont mind making your food, special order even, but don't like an ass when you're asked to repeat the order for accuracy.

>>14705648
someone should've hocked a loogey on him.

>>14707833
why didn't you spit on that faggot?

>>14699131
I once participated in a /ck/ sticky thread.

>>14712530
That's why I'm always posting on the chans and reading books. I rarely talk.

>>14708086
>>14708090
i haven't seen this gem in years
thanks, anon

>>14699717
>classy
>guinness
jej

>>14702083
Got a similar in-joke with my dad and brother about this black dude in line at McDonalds insisting that his nuggets are "Right out da grease"

>>14702587
this should be basic

>>14704040
Exactly this. After several years of marriage, you know all the stories, there's nothing new happening at work, and all there is to do is eat and chit chat about the food. It's rather pleasant, not having to be 'on' all the time.

>>14702956
Sharing silence is true love.

>>14710015
I was just thinking all the people putting it down would probably be saying 'based' or 'comfy' if it was a 2005 LAN party.

>>14712087
Just leave the $200 in your pocket.

>>14709506
Don't worry anon, I use knife/fork for pizza at sit-down resturaunts too

>>14712844
>not asking for your nuggets right out da grease

>>14712948
Nah, LAN parties sucked balls. Everyone wanted to play basic shit like Counterstrike and Starcraft.

>>14704104
when was the last time you went to a bar?

>>14705355
ORE NO IMOTO DESU!

>>14699155
fpbp kek

>>14710180
you just made that up

>>14714057
Pub across the road, £3.60 for a pint, which iirc is the standard going rate outside of the really cheap places. If you're paying £5 a drink you're being ripped off anon.

>>14702597
It's okay not to like roller coasters.

>>14702101
I have never seen this. Ever. It's usually
>You have Guinness on tap?
>No.
>Shit okay.

>>14709618
Not every Asian country that eats with their hands and can't shit in a toilet is India.

>>14699660

Miller sucks, but your roommate is basado.

I used to work at a Mc Donalds two years ago. It was located in a rich and popular avenue.

> Once, I got a specific order of a Cheeseburger.
> The order asked to remove everything but keep only the bread and cheese.
> Customer paid the full price for it, since Wc Donalds don't do discounts for less stuff in their meals.

> I still wonder why someone would go to a fast food only to eat bread with a slice of cheese.

>>14708908

>>14714057
not that anon, but just early in the year, pre-covid, local dive bars had 64 oz/~1.9L pitchers for $6-7, with a sale price of $1 off between a very liberal set of happy "hour" hours (think "3-8 pm every day but Sunday" type shit)

>>14704213
depends on why you sent it back, if we forgot something or made a mistake fair enough. If you're being a fuckwit about how cooked a steak is, or superfluously fussy about a custom order then yes you will piss off the kitchen and the amount of fucks given about your food begins to plummet. Would never tamper with food though, not for any reason.

>>14699131
Probably somw low-functioning autst having one of those autistic episodes they have where they hit themselves and groan.

>>14708176
Your nephew sounds like a spoiled cunt who deserves a good beating

>>14710279
Go back to re*dit FAG

>>14702071
oh, die

>>14710894
fuck off faggot that was me
>>14710620
I had to leave so i could jack off to your beautiful face

>>14699131
FOH fag here
Most people are just awkward, especially around female waiters.
Sometimes you get a particularly strange person.
I must nominate myself for ordering spaghetti in an Italian restaurant and eating it without any sauce or seasoning because I was too embarrassed to admit I wanted sauce.

>>14699163
Newfags these days, I tell ya

>order a plate of buffalo wings as an appetizer
>wing sauce all over my hands
>waitress starts to set my main course on the table
>I grab for the plate thinking I'm being helpful but I ended up rubbing my wing sauce on her arms
I could see the look of utter disgust on her face for just a brief second before she forced a smile and walked away.

So a guy trying to order a McGangbang from a geriatric retiree. Was pretty entertaining.

>>14710279
Actually kill yourself

>>14704104
This shit has always pissed me off too about the "local craft" scene. When I can get your shit for the same price halfway across the country than at your brewery then what's the fucking point or specialness?

>>14704230
>grandmas pulling out busch lite from their purses and me having to take them away

or you could just fucking mind your own business

>>14702453
>Attempting to discredit the story because that's what happens when you go out with your family, to some extent.

When I worked at Wendy's, a woman would drive thru every single day and order a "single cheeseburger with ketchup only, no vegetables or other condiments, absolutely nothing but ketchup only". I can still hear the autism in her voice. It is burned into my memory.

>>14705421
Based answer. Fuck you and your privilege.

>>14702096
>Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.
Go the fuck back

>>14710368
Rounds are for faggots looking forward to the circle fap at the end of the night.

>>14715500
Yeah, 4chan is a TED loving website that will not withstand any flippancy regarding it.

>>14704104
As a homebrewer, it costs me about $0.25 per beer. Their markup is always bullshit because (insurance, taxes, equipment, blah blah blah).
What drives me through the roof is nobody lists the prices any more. May as well go to a restaurant, blindly pick a bottle of wine at random, and wonder how much the bill will be.

>>14702597
You don't hate fun, your parents killed their fun by having children. If they ever whinged about it to you, they should have got contraceptives. Stop with the made up guilt.

>>14715756
Can you accurately determine alcohol content? I need to be able to count my drinks so I know I'll be able to drive to work in the morning.

>>14715729
I'm sorry but I don't know that 4chan you are talking about sir, look at the URL

>>14715772
From homebrewing? Absolutely. Without going into detail, you just measure the sugar before and after fermentation.
If you get into a routine, you can just run a few numbers if you're feeling lazy.

>>14704213
>sizzler
TBQH that burger has already seen so many dicks that a little spit would be a blessing.

>>14709714
Why bother growing a perfect napkin on your chin if you're just going to puss out at the last minute?

>>14701962
I didn't know Old Vienna Red Hot Riplets was outside St. Louis, unless this is in St. Louis.

>>14699660
Tbh I do think it's bullshit these kinds of places don't have the foresight to stock a low end macrobrew or two.

>>14701962
There's probably a ton of weed hidden in the next room.

>>14699131
When we were in high school sometimes my friends and I would go to our local boomer joints (Boston Pizza, Moxies, etc) . All underage at the time so we just drink pop. One friend always asks waitress if refills are included. Every single fucking time.

>>14699501
God, I would have hated to have been your parents. I would have probably been mean to you.

>>14699131
https://youtu.be/lV5hDnongl4
This but in real life.

>>14701962
The cake has candles next to it that say "12" (or 21), so I'm assuming that this is some super rad birthday house party for their kid. I would have fucking LOVED this shit. I hope they had fun.

>>14699717
>pretending to be all classy then trying to order a guinness

This kind of ignorance has caused me so much frustration.

>>14707911
>>14715459
People associate price with value. If a customer walks in and sees $3 beer their impression will be for cheap, low-quality beer. You especially see this with women. Studies have shown that women prefer to spend more money at the salon because they feel like they're taking care of themselves EXTRA when they pay a lot for a service.

Too low prices does some damage to your brand's reputation at the cost of selling slightly more beer.

>>14699131
There's a diner near my house that's pretty good and inexpensive so I go there often. Several years ago I went with my dad and saw some bitch ask the (new) waitress for
>the usual
and then proceed to get EXTREMELY offended when the (new) waitress didn't know WTF that was. She then rambled off a long and complex order full of substitutions. Her husband tried to say something and she cut him off and rambled off a similarly long and complex order full of substitutions for him. Then she kept bitching about absolutely everything and he looked miserable.

I once went to a seafood place and saw someone throw a shitfit over their butter because, as far as I can tell, she had never seen butter in liquid form before and couldn't grasp that the staff wasn't peeing in a cup and serving it to them as a joke.

I ate at a pho restaurant in Las Cruces, NM and the fat retarded looking mexican waiter had a bad cold and kept sneezing and wiping his nose while bringing out the soup.