/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>14856850
I farted into a milk jug that I poured some milk out so I could fill the rest with my hot piss then put it at the very back so retards like your mom who go through to find the latest expiration date get btfo.

>>14856850

just imagine you were walking right past the shelf at that very moment the shelf collapsed

>>14856857
Imagine having a gf who loves you and wants to spend time with you haha

>>14856863

>>14856850
No but my cat knocked a bottle of olive oil off the counter and it shattered. It was the hardest thing to clean up. That image is horrifying.

>>14856863

i've had it. it's good, you are missing out.

No but I was walking by someone when they knocked over like 10 jars of pasta sauce. They looked at me, smiled and walked away.

>>14856894

>meanwhile the guy goes and gets an employee to blame you for the infraction

heh, nothing personnel

>>14856887
A broom, a squeegee, a shit load of trash bags and the ruination of a single floor scrubber will take care of it. Real issue is the oil that will leak out from under for hours.

no because I'm not a fucking klutz, and I'd help clean it up regardless of severity

>>14856993
Homo

yeah, mates dared me to drop a choccy milk carton in woolies, ran away and never got caught

>>14856850
That pic gives me ptsd

>>14857067

lost

>>14857081

honestly i would walk from a job like that. ansolutely not worth $9/hr

>>14856850
No, but I've worked as a cashier and watched asswipe customers spill shit ALL the time.

Spilled milk
>be cashier
>get huge cholo looking family at reg with cart full of food
>of course these fuckers are on EBT
>they want to pack all their own shit
>ok
>husband is packing
>this dumb motherfucker managed to somehow slam down the milk through the back and break it
>wtf
>fresh gallon of milk all over the floor
>it's a busy day and the mopper is also the cart guy
>we also have to send a runner to get these people a new gallon of milk (they wont get it themselves or send their kids)
>they have the audacity to complain to me about the spill
>is somebody gonna clean this up?

YOU MADE THEM ESS, DON'T FUCING ASS ME I DN'T GIVE AFUCK IT'S NOT MY JOB

>>14856926
Sawdust or sand.

>>14857026
profligate

>>14857247
>>14856926
Just use fresh italian bread

>>14856850
I cleaned up most of what I could and got an employee to know it was there. I have never been charged. They just write it off if it is a big loss.

>>14856887
Why was your cat in the grocery store?

>>14857257
Not store. Home. Was home. Cat home. Not store. Home.

This gives me PTSD

Grocery stores have insurance for broken/lost products. Unless you rip through the stores knocking shit off of shelves you won't have to pay for accidentally breaking a bottle or denting a can.

>>14856850
Work as a stocker and yes it does happen on occasion

Fuck these bastards in particular.

>>14857917
Why those?

>>14857933
For some reason the plastic they use cracks really easily. If they fall even 1-2 feet from the shelf prepare to deal with a huge puddle of sticky hell.

>drunk
>go to ghetto gas station to buy more beer
>feeling sad because of losing my job
>accidentally drop and break a 40oz old E
>tell gas station owner I’m sorry
>he says no big deal and that I don’t have to pay for it

>>14857959
I see. On an unrelated note, I take stuff off the shelf, like a jar of olives for instance, and throw it across the entire store over all the aisles. It’s a mystery what happens once it leaves my sight. Oranges are fun to throw, too.

>>14857917
how can tea be sticky?

>>14858132
arizona is absolutely full of sugar. did you not know that arizona was sugary, or did you know know sugary stuff is sticky?

>>14858132
Green Tea
With GINSENG
>and HONEY

I go and touch alot of meat (no homo) and poke through the plastic enough for it to deform but not break

Same with bread, I squish packets of them through the plastic

I just like touching stuff

>>14856891
>had
kek

>>14856850
>oil
wow that must suck to clean

>>14858187
has an employee ever questioned you

>>14856857
I would start searching for security cameras to exonerate me

>>14856850
Yes I did, no I didn't; they have insurance for this.
Though I have spilt a tray of drinks at a pub and had to pay for new ones (not the glasses or anything I broke though).
There's a transfer of ownership that occurs in the carpark or at a service counter, etc where it becomes your problem.

>>14858325
>exonerate
What fucking country do you live in? I can't even imagine visiting a store that would require you to pay for an accident.

>>14857253
based

>>14858361
I'm from the UK

>>14856850
No, but I did watch ones of those endcaps with jars of pickles collapse on its own weight.

>>14858425
>be british
>do something as simple as dropping a jar of jam or knocking off some oranges from the pile, making a slight mess and causing <$10 in damage
>rapidly get whisked away by private security, get held in an unknown location to await your Trial
>the Trial takes weeks or months, it isn't clear, to even begin preliminary motions
>fortunately you are provided a Grocery Attorney at Her Majesty the Queen's expense
>trial takes days, your attorney makes convoluted arguments in your favor. Are they even talking about that orange you dropped?
>clearly it is bigger than you, but best not to pry deeper
>evidence is brought forth
>the fucking cameras weren't on...

>>14856850
god all of that being wasted hurts my heart

>>14858499

We use pounds (£) in Britain, not dollars

>>14856850
I worked stocking in a supermarket and sometimes the idiots back at the warehouse were clearly too drunk or stoned while packing.

>>14858529
>Make fun of America for using imperial units
>Use pounds instead of kilograms for their money

>>14858316
Nah

I do it in a way where it looks like a curious buyer before I squish it

I don't squish it in a overt manner neither

I do it as I grab it and as I put it back

Although when I was 10 squishing meat the butcher told me not to do that before but after that never been questioned ever

>>14858531
I remember opening a tote once that contained 8 glass jars of tomato sauce and one large metal can of diced tomatoes

>>14856863
I have this it's really good

I once broke some beer in the fridge at a gas station when I was working there. Didn't need to pay for it, but I obviously had to clean it all up and the place reeked afterwards.

>>14856863

>>14857240
Paco apocalypse when

>>14858215
that cat, lmao

I was buying beer and I knocked a single tallboy off the shelf. They were nice, I didn't have to pay for it and the employee called me "sir".

>>14858187
I see minorities do this all the time

>>14856887
>not buying your oil in a can
you deserved it. At any rate, you had a cat, so just dump kitty litter down to soak up 99% of it and mop the rest up with degreaser.

>>14858761
I hate minorities so much

how do you even begin cleaning that up?

>>14858802
It’s called Spill Magic
T. Wagie

>>14857240
I'm a cashier too.
I tell people to go grab their own stuff, since we lack runners, unless they are handicapped or very old and struggle.
I always keep garbage bags, paper towels, window, bathroom and kitchen spray cleaners next to me, and make the costumer who did the deed wait, until I clean up the mess from the floor.

Usually all the olive oils we sell come in fancy glass bottles, and they shatter with oil and glass everywhere. The kitchen cleaner is a life saver here :3
------------
Of course I can't do the heavier jobs, such as if 3+ bottles of olive oil break on the floor, but then I will have to close my line, and ask for another line to open up, so either I or a runner can clean up the mess properly, without people walking in it.

>>14856850
No because I'm not a fucking clutz.

>>14858761
Baste

>>14856850
Worked at a grocery store and this happened but only with 5 or 6 bottles. It was a nightmare to clean! We used bags of flour and then squeegees to clean it.

>>14858927

>flour
>not kosher salt

you guys just made it into a bigger mess lmao

>>14858027
But you don’t really do that though

>>14858473
saw this with apple cider vinegar once. Probably 20 bottles smashed and I can’t imagine the store smelled very good after

>>14858934
>bigger mess

Seemed to work fine? would salt be the better choice?

>>14856863
I had this half a year ago, but it didn't feel real. She was warm and caring but it felt like she would have been that way no matter if it was me as her bf, or someone else. Then what was the point?

Thanks for coming to my TED talk

>>14858960

infinitely. i've cleaned up multiple gallons of spilled fry oil after a dumbfuck melted out a plastic bucket with 350 degree oil..

>>14858992
good to know I guess. Hopefully I’m never in a position where I’m working at a grocery store and have to clean that much again.

What kind of dumb fuck puts hot oil in a plastic bin?

>>14859002

the kind of dumbfuck that is dumb enough to do it TWICE. because he did it twice, each time with a 22qt bucket

>>14856850
near the beginning of covid a new gas station opened near me that has a nice deli in it. I bought beer and was waiting for my food and the bag failed and I dropped the six pack and about half of them broke. they cleaned it up for me and gave me a new six pack for free. no big deal

>>14859014
Sure thing chud

broke a couple beer bottles leaving the liquor isle. nothing happened didn't have to pay for anything, didn't even get a dirty look

>>14858938
Not that guy but when I was a kid I was playing with those stupid balls they had in those bins, the basketball or beach ball sized bouncy ones you know, so I chuck the fucking thing over a rack of shit and apparently it knocked an old lady on her ass. I come around the corner and there's my ball next to an old lady and there's like three or four people helping her up and saying how awful people are and how could someone do that and so on. I pretended it wasn't me, haha.

>>14856850
Do businesses just write off shit like this?

>>14857312
So you posted that in the wrong thread. Or can't you read?

i was carrying milk jugs and dropped them at the checkout

>>14858187
Based. I go this two. Another good one is crushing ice creams/ice lollies In their packaging bahaha

>>14856850
I dropped a jar of pasta sauce while stocking shelves at the supermarket (was my job). Just needed to clean it up, did not come out of my paycheck. Losses like that are accounted for in the budgeting.

>>14859297
Read the very first word of my post and get back to me, Mr. Hemingway.

>>14859355
Nah chud

>>14859357
That’s okay, I’ll read for you. OP asked a yes or no question. I responded “no” and then commented on OP’s pic, a perfectly reasonable thing to do on this or any other board. Then you posted “chud” for the 30th time this hour, at 4 in the goddamn morning. Finally, foresight tells me you’ll reply to this post with some form of chudposting.

>>14856850
OP sharted so hard, it broke all the olive oil bottles.

>>14859310
You need to sue the fuckstick who sewed them to your chest.

>>14856887
>I take my cat to the shart-mart on my shart-mart-mobile, he sits in the basket.

America, these days......

>>14857081
Sorry to hear that zoomie, but it's not a war-zone, PTSD, doesn't count.

>>14857240
What a fucking homo you are.
Stay away from fucking retail and get a job in the woods, with your redneck cousins.

>>14858132
If it's American and full of sugar.

>>14859447
he meant Penis Touching Sexual Desire

>>14858539
Who looks like the retard here?
It sure isn't the Brit guy.

>>14859482
Ahh OK,
No that is what I sort of suspected.

>>14856863
laughed at this for some reason

>>14856863
I have this. She's overbearing, and I miss being single every second of my existence.

>>14859512
Can you transfer your ownership to me?

>>14856850
how would you even begin to clean this up

>>14859447
if you think ptsd only comes from a "war zone" you're one dumb fuck

>>14859517
depends. where do you live

>>14859534
Virginia.

>>14859536
sorry friend, opposite side of the country.

>>14856863
It's pretty nice.

Knocked over the pickled egg barrel and they soaked all the scratch lotto tickets with brine

>>14859462
>t. bean golem

>>14859522
but it does

>>14856863
i have imagined this for 36 years

>>14856850
Dropped a jar of Maille Dijon mustard in the local Co-op.
>Awfully sorry sir, it appears I've dropped some mustard on the floor
>yeh no problem, mate
>cheers, kid
>go on my merry way
just another day in the NORF

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5DNbb2Xgp60

>>14856863
Jokes on you I'm gay as fuck.

I used to stock wine for a liquor distributor (TABC laws). My entire day was spent around brittle 1.5L glass bottles full of wine. That's usually how the cheap stuff at grocery stores and Wal-Marts comes. 750mL bottles are surprisingly strong so I rarely broke those.

The entire job was trying to find the balance between working as fast as possible but keeping a delicate touch. Also trying to shove as much product on the rickety shelves as possible - stores incessantly complained about you taking up 'their' backstock space, even though it's their product in their store... At Wal-Marts especially the back of the shelving units was never set up right so there was a gap where bottles could just fall through.

I never had a huge spill although I had some near misses. One of my coworkers had one. Again, at a fucking Wal-Mart. They had built a display which are already precarious - you just cut the cardboard box down 80% and leave a shallow tray. Well the genius Wal-Mart employees put the price sign up simply by shoving the pole in between the pallets. Meaning when they moved the other pallet, the price sign tipped over and knocked half the wine boxes off. We are talking 9L of wine per box, with a good half dozen boxes... Fucking mess. And the real issue is it wreck your schedule, wasting 30 minutes cleaning shit when you should be knocking out stops.

>>14858814
I looked it up, I haven't worked retail in about 15 years.

>Spill Magic is quick and easy to use. Absorbs instantly and is ideal for cleaning and removing any size spill. Environmentally Safe and friendly to use. Not for use on hydrofluoric acid.

I don't want to be the poor bastard who has to figure out how to clean up the HF.

>>14858187
>when a tard goes out without its wrangler

>>14859447
Maybe anon or somebody close to him was horribly maimed or killed in a similar incident.

>>14860323
It seems like a strangely specific thing to call out as not for use on. Does it just work fine for other commonly used acids.

>>14860323
You don't. You throw baking soda at it for the next three days and eventually you'll be able to not burn your finger off in it

never did at a grocery store but i did at a coffee place. the worker was kind enough to refill my coffee and i cleaned it up for them

no frills gang represent

>>14857253
Underrated

>In a hurry, just grabbing a bag of chips and a six pack of tallboys during the 5pm grocery store rush
>Holding them by the plastic rings while waiting in line.
>One beer pops out, hits the ground and starts spraying beer everywhere
>Keeps rolling to the next check out line blasting customers with beer along the way
>Finally get to the beer and plug the hole with my finger but it's still gushing foamy liquid
>Customers and staff glaring at me
>Quickly pay and never come back

>>14859485
It's actually you. Pounds are short for pound sterling, and the value of a "dollar" note was literally a pound of sterling silver. So they're using imperial units they despise for their money.

>Aldi checkout
>my mum is passing me shit to fast to pack into the trolley neatly
>i swing my arm back and knock over a tub of cream because there is zero room on the bench because of the plastic screens they have now
>we get a replacement, no charge

>>14860973
>was
a pound is just a name now, its just means Britain Money

>buy breadrolls in plastic perforated bag
>go outside with my purchased breadrolls
>bag breaks and all the breadrolls land on the dirty tiles
>walk back in and ask if I can have replacement breadrolls
>cashier says I can grab new breadrolls for free
>grab breadrolls again
>go home and eat delicious breadrolls

>>14856850
what do you even do if this happens?
>disassemble all shelves in the event radius
>grab bags of flour to soak up the oil
>mop
>mop again
id probably just quit desu

>>14861229
Just get some burners and make a really big omelet

>>14860279

Huh?

One time i wound up in a fight with a literal random nigger while walking down the street. There was a group of them on a corner outside a bar and instead of crossing the street i kept walking through, am now fighting irate negro #1 and its going well, then get hit in the back of the head with a skateboard by a white vagrant, regain consciousness to still being hit with a skateboard but now irate negroes #2-5 and maybe #6 have all joined in to kick the living shit out of me.

Anyway, i had PTSD for like a week. Afraid to leave my house, literally start shaking when your hands on the doorknob, hyper-awareness in public like HEAVY danger music blaring.

>is that person gonna be the one that hurts me?

I cant imagine what actually getting raped or shot or seeing people get blownup/watching people die in an accident or whatever is like

>>14860290

Youre a faggot, somebody couldve enjoyed that mustard. Its good mustard.

>>14858166
>and HONEY
0.18% honey and 200% sugar.

>>14856863
My gf of 9 years broke up with me for shitty reasons.

I dropped a glass coffee bottle I just bought and it exploded. I felt bad and started picking up the glass and some woman comes runnning at me saying "SIR SIR DONT TOUCH THAT" and I basically said chill I know it's glass, Im not a retard. They offered another but I didnt take it

>>14861574
>refused the free replacement
>doesn't understand why the employee doesn't want you to pick up glass

Are you on the spectrum ?

>>14861295
fuck niggers and hobos, sorry for your loss

>>14861581
I actually bought like 4 glass bottles and broke just one of them, and I'm an adult man I can pick up a little bit of glass without gouging myself. Are you on the spectrum?

>>14861594
Yes I know you're a big boy but store policy doesn't want you to hurt yourself with those glass shards because of liability and american sue happy mentality.

>>14861602
Who said I'm american?

>>14861608
They live rent free in my head. Doesn't change the store policy around the world as its the same in my country, they don't want you to hurt yourself.

>>14856850
Broke your moms hymen once. Was good. Would do it again.

>>14860973
"Dollar" comes from the Dutch "daalder".
You know, the original colonies.
You fucking idiot.

>>14856863

>>14856863
>>>/r9k/

fuck off incel

one time my grocery bag ripped at the bottom and I walked home holding my groceries in my arms like that black guy from the picture why cant I hold all these lemons or whatever the fuck

>>14860297
Lol u fag

>>14857067
Mad lad

>>14858934
you kike

>>14859433
LOL based KEK underrated

>>14858215
Lol at that fucking cat lmao

>>14861221
Nice

Not at a grocery store, but
>Cooking at a diner, standard breakfast fare
>Prep for the day, crack a big sixteen quart cambro full of eggs and mix them
>Go to put them in the walk in
>Trip in the walk in and dump liquid eggs all over the floor, sixteen quarts worth
>Took an hour to clean up, scrambling to finish prep in time to open and jump on the line
And
>Same diner
>Old fryer where you have to dump the oil into a pot to change it
>It's oil changing day, open the valve to drain the oil at the end of the night
>Start on other closing tasks while the pot fi- oh fuck I didn't put the pot down
>Floor flooding with hot fryer oil, can't get near to turn it off, pretty much have to let it drain, and then wait until it's cool enough to walk on and clean
>Entire kitchen flooded, and it spills out into most of the dining room, closing people and me are scrambling to not get burned, floor is lava but for real
>A normal forty five minute close turned into a six hour ordeal, everyone just shook their heads and left me to deal with my fuck up
I still blame all the open-close-open shifts I worked, lack of sleep makes you retarded.

>>14862379
Okay? That has nothing to do with pound sterling or its origin. I was using a colloquialism to to help illustrate my point since it was easier to say "dollar" than to say "the basic unit of currency."

And I haven't even mentioned 'stone' yet.

>>14856863
hahaha wtf kind of nonsense is this?

>>14856850
I was in a gocery store close to closing while drunk to get a couple extra beers. As I was taking 2 cans a lady said they don't sell alcohol past a certain time, so I put them back on the shelf but dropped one. It started fizzing and spinning leaving a puddle so I just left and never looked back.

>>14859447
You suffer mid-traumatic stress disorder in a warzone. The PTSD comes after the traumatic experience and permeates your ordinary life.