/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>15018526
>in a couple days
my man hasn't had a bowel movement in 48+ hours and he's like "damn I better drink some oj that'll take care of this medical issue"

>>15018526
When I was constipated for a few days swallowing a spoonful of olive oil took care of it pretty quickly

>>15018543
hmm, that would've been fewer calories, but I'm not a fan of oil. I'm not 100% certain yet, but I think it gives my the cystic acne under my skin

>>15018543
I bet them turds slipped out like a fat kid down a waterslide.

>>15018543
I used to have to shit before school because I would never shit at school. One morning I was going at it with a beast of a grogen. Couldn't expell him, I was putting work in and nothing..
I started freaking out and thinking I'd have to go to the hospital and they'd have to pull it out of me. I stayed in the fight though and eventually got the result.

>>15018543
>a spoonful of olive oil
how do you people manage to be constipated for DAYS and then you're just like "yup crisis averted problem solved I ate a single leaf of spinach and a grain of rice"

>>15018537
"a man presents to the ER a blown out asshole, this is how he dies"

>>15018577
>an adult child took part in the "no poop november" challenge, this is what happened to his brain

>>15018526
i've heard herion does the trick

>>15018585
It's the opposite.

>>15018551
It tasted awful, like I lit my throat on fire. But it worked

I'm so glad i take lovely and giant shits every morning after chugging water and sipping hot tea

>>15018606
You're lucky, that hasnt been working for me! Cheers anon. Thanks for the glorious bump. These other anons are quite the lot so it's good to keep this thing breathing

>>15018526
What's the brand of this tea ? 茶ea, who's making this ?

>>15018526
try drinking ten beers and eating as many tacos as possible, then another extra taco

now son, don't go getting stomach aches.

what can I eat to male my poop smell better? this morning I did a massive shit and my bathroom smelled like a fucking barnyard. literally smelled like a barn full of horses shitting

>>15018601
This is 1 egg away from being white people spicy.

>>15018571
A big spoonful of olive oil is the nuclear option desu. It's going to send your body haywire

>>15018593
>no shit

>>15018613
Don't worry brother. I literally have had severe constipation issues for my entire life - childhood was very fucking bad my Mom used to have to help me and I have had to digitally remove shit with my fingers more than I'd be proud to admit - but ever since I cleaned up and simplified my diet a couple years ago and greatly increased my daily water intake (~2 gallons) things have been great poop-wise. I still have bouts of hard shit here and there and there are things that will fuck up my system and revert to me straining on the toilet but it's all about eating generally the same amount and quality of food everyday. Lots of fruits and veggies along with good sources of protein, carbs and fats!

>>15018555
did you shake hands like gentlemen afterwards

>>15018526
>decaf

>>15018526
watermellon makes me shit

>>15018652
You aren't a fren.

>>15018526
Have you tried laxatives?

>>15018526
In 1998 I was babysitting my 1 year old sister, I had her on the floor about to change her diaper, I'd just got out of the shower and wasn't fully dressed. I felt extremely sick all day, was on my period, wasn't wearing any pants or undies.

I stepped over my sister to answer the phone and just evacuated my bowels all over her tiny nude body. Greenish algae-like liquid diarrhea. She made a horrific gurgling noise then stopped breathing. She survived after I did mouth to mouth resuscitation. I've never been able to smell gastroenteritis poo since that day without having severe anxiety.

>>15018700
you just got double wooshed.

>>15018736
This has to be the rarest pasta I have ever seen

>>15018626
dunno, it was just some rando vending machine in Shaoxing

>>15018794
>in Shaoxing
Thank you. I was looking in Japan and in fact it was China. Found it. Merci !

>>15018526
One time I blended a blender full of kale, spinach, superfood green blend, lots of berries, banana, other fruits, green powder, and almond milk. Let me tell you... I ran to the bathroom four times that day. It cleared me the fuck out. If you have a blender, consider making a smoothie loaded with fibrous veggies, fruit, and berries. It tastes good too.

>>15018805
your welcome babe, now come to bed, I wanna cuddle

>>15018822
yesterday I literally ate a pound of brocolli and green brussel sprouts. My stomach refuses to waster anything to the sewer. I hope this oj and prunes help, or else I'm gonna look preggo

>>15018645
is eating the oil by itself not the same as eating it with other stuff? I can easily eat a tablespoon of olive oil with some bread or on some tomato and it doesn't make me shit any more than normal.

go to a public pool or indian street when your ready to finally take a shit. Make it a special occasion. You will never forgot the massive shit you took in a public pool, or in the indian street.

>>15018637
>Hating on the wholesome, natural musk of a farmyard morning

Get off my board

>>15018526
Pyw...

>>15018526
post arsehole and I will diagnose the problem.

>>15018526
Go in for the kill with sugar free gummy bears.

>>15018824
No thx. Your ass is full of shit, I'm not into poopydick.

>>15018526
See your doctor even you don't have healthcare

>>15018526
>decaf

>>15018805
>Thank you. I was looking in Japan and in fact it was China. Found it. Merci !
Why on earth would you think it was Japanese when the vending machine prices were 7.0 units of currency? Anything in Japan is going to be 100+. RMB is at about 6.6:1 to the USD right now so the price actually makes sense for a bottle of vending machine tea there.

>decaf coffee

congratulations, it did nothing

>>15018537
I'm fairly certain he lurks here

>I'm literally shitting while reading this thread

>>15018526
>runs through your tract so hard it dehydrates you from ass pissing

>>15018537
I want to brush his hair.

I keep shitting little rabbit balls
How fucked am I?

>>15018526
Prunes. That indigestible sorbitol goes straight through you.

>>15020460
Prunes are amazing but they make my shit so soft I have to wipe a million times, or take a shower

>>15021809
Get a bidet you fool. They're like $50 for a conversion kit a retard could install.

>>15018526
>decaf coffee all morning
try normal coffee and a cigarette you fool

>>15018637
just get some passive air fresheners in your bathroom

>>15018526
>couple days
What is wrong with you? Eat some vegetables and fruit everyday.
I poop at least twice per day - in the morning and then after I have my coffee after lunch.

>>15018736
>I had her on the floor about to change her diaper
did you see the loli's pussy?

>>15020187
shut the fuck up nerd no one gives a fuck about your /biz/ autism

>>15018736
>tfw you weren't my diaper gf blasting diarrhea while sitting my lap

>>15018645
I don't see why it would be unless you're like allergic to oil somehow or it's a comically large spoon.

Drink 8 oz of your first morning piss and you'll be cleaning your colon faster than you can imagine. Absolutely srs

>>15020374
drink some water and do some core stretches, youll be fine

Check it out, progress boys! I think it was the orange juice that did the trick. The smell was awful. On par with the enema I had a year ago

>>15022109
hot

>>15022109
please don't post pictures of your poop

Magnesium Citrate, you can get it at walgreens. You will never shit as much as you will shit with this stuff.