/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>15535945
Anyone who orders steak well done.

No singles policy

>>15535945
That is absolutely disgusting. Why couldn't you just post a normal food-related picture?

People who critically taste the wine like they've actually gonna send it back.

CLEAN IT UP WAGE-WAGE

>>15535965
why? To dab on incels?

>>15535945
no unaccompanied women, after all someone has to pay the bill

>>15535980
when my friend got married they rented a really large house on a vineyard for themselves, the wedding party, and the parents
there was a main floor which was sort of the common area and where the family stayed, upstairs was where the bridesmaids stayed, and downstairs is where the groomsmen stayed.
in all there were 18 of us or so staying in that house

the day after the wedding my friends father came to me and said "don't tell anyone, but I need you to find out who did this" and he opened up the bathroom on the main floor and there was a similar sight to behold with the addition of footprints leading out into the hall

If they don't finish their plate it will add a cost to their total depending on weight. Also, every fat person will be told "sorry about your weight" when they get their food.

>>15536053
Post the rest of your detective novel.

No free drink refills. But our servers will still aggressively refill your drinks and keep a tab.

>>15535945
Anyone wanting entry must eat a heaping tablespoon of miracle whip. This would ensure only certain desirable customers gain entry.

>>15535945
I'd specifically search for a location where they allow private business ownership of cell jammers and install them inside the dining hall.
Fuck people mindlessly browsing their phones while eating. Or IG streaming whatever they shovel into their mouths. Or talking on the phone at the table, take that outside.

>>15536095
Just to add, anyone requesting gluten free options or vegan/vegetarian options is immediately backhanded full force by the wait staff. All of the wait staff.

>>15536071
well I walked around interviewing people, now of course I was downstairs so anyone down there had an alibi except for jonathan who is very very fat. we were there for 3 nights and on all 3 nights he would go upstairs to the kitchen for a snack and watch a movie. So he was my prime suspect, but also he's a trustworthy guy and didn't seem to be evasive
however at around 3am he did say he heard to girls talking down the hall way, which just so happens to be the hall with the bathroom at the end
so the walls were starting to close on the phantom pooper

carolina was downstairs with me and marcela was with another groomsman because bridesmaids lol, and another girl whos name escapes me was black out drunk passed out by 1am
there was one other girl, again I don't remember her name but she wasn't really friends with the other girls so I can't imagine her being called in to observe what happened to that bathroom, or her telling someone about it if she caused it so she's off the list

it leaves flavia and tayla. Both of them knew each other, and tayla especially has a history of getting white girl wasted so having vicious wine shits isn't out of the question but the foot prints, oh yes the foot prints
I secretly examined their feet to see if I could find a match and tayla was overweight you see, she had a wide foot like a calzone with flat arches
the only foot that could match those prints was flavia

FLAVIA IS FECAL FIEND
and so I printed up my report and submitted it to his father for review

>>15536059
>every fat person will be told "sorry about your weight" when they get their food.
lel

>>15536059
>>15536152

>>15536100
kinda digging this. Atleast people who take pictures of their food.
One reason I broke up with my previous GF was that she would spend 1 hour cooking a really nice meal just so she could take pictures for social media. Sometimes she even forgot to actually eat it and just sat and waited for comments or whatever.

>>15536175
Oh, I'm retarded. I didn't vocalize it in my head so I didn't even get that it was a pun.

A screen outside will show the catalog front page of /ck/ updated every 5min and a dedicated person will watch people reacting to it. If a customer seem to have any familiarity with it they are denied entry with the answer "you know why".

>>15536151
Did you get them to gather in a group so you could present your evidence and publicly shame her?

>>15536273
not exactly
but she was a visa overstay and got pregnant in an attempt to shit out an anchor baby so I found out her address by feigning that I was looking for an apartment and reported her to immigration enforcement

>>15535945
NO CHILDREN
NO EXCEPTIONS

>>15535945
Anyone who complains about well-done steak, has a Yelp account, thinks >>15536059 is clever, is vegetarian, has any food allergies, thinks food is sacred, thinks food is art, thinks dining out is really all about the service, doesn't believe in or has an objection to tipping, is European, is under the age of 18, is a socialist of any kind, is too fat to fit in a booth, is an alcoholic or druggie, or is a "dog person".

>>15536495
Well done steak orders are a godsend, that’s how you get rid of shitty steaks.

>>15535945
Mandatory 15% tip added to each bill, which can be waived if approved by a manager

>>15537164
Steak elitism is the favorite tactic of poor people who want to be like they think old money is.

>>15535945
NO customers under the age of 16.
NO vegans. We cook with butter here.
NO parties of more than 4.
NO cell phones.
If I don't like the look of you, you will be asked to leave. I won't cook for just anybody.