/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>19479745
>there's a price

>gf +$2

>>19479745
scattered menu with cuisines from different countries

>the menu isn't milled from a solid piece of metal and doesn't sport the name Dorsia

>>19479745
>any dish described as 'dirty'

>>19479745
More than 20 menu items

>>19479745
>menu covered in laminate
>soup stains under plastic
>no ice in water
>different tables have different assortment of condiments
>waitress is some 50 year old ethnic lady smoking a cig when you walk in (no smoking inside establishments)
>when I order she doesn't
>hear indistinguishable yelling between BOH and old lady waitress in some foreign language
>when I order she has the pen and pad but doesn't write down anything
>wait half hour
>go outside for a call for a couple minute
>come back inside wait another 10 minites
>finally get food
>it's delicious
Been to 2 places like this in my city and the food is 10/10 everytime and it doesn't break the bank

Every high end pizza joint that claims they sell 'Authentic italian pizza' and has a fancy website.

It's always overpriced, burnt, hardly has any toppings and is tasteless.

>>19479829
Facts. Refuse to pay 20+ dollars for a shitty replica of an Italian pizza that I could get in Italy for 7 euro

Biggest red flag is if they have a menu and no womenu

> calls themselves an eatery

>wagyu

>>19479745
>door locks behind me
>nobody else is seated
>no vegetarian options

>Our "signature" recipe/food
Verification not required.

>>19479752
i would gladly patronize an establishment that charged normies $2 extra

>>19479745
>artisanal
>stupid computer screens on the table
>QR code for menu
>don't write down my order
>applebees
>music playing
>loud music playing
>you can smell the floor drains (from the kitchen) at the hostess station
>"california" anything on the menu
>wait staff dressed like from the 50's
>everyone stops and dances on the table while singing
>baby roaches fall out of the menu
>cuts the fat off of steaks
>leaves skins in mashed potatoes

Vaguely sexy dish names
Dish names that make you sound like a fucking idiot if you order them by name
>can I h-have the m-menage a trois?

I just wanted a sandwhich and now I feel like a degenerate

>>19479895
salads with non descriptive names:
CLEOPATRA SALAD
TY COBB
VIBRANT VENUS
SIAM I AM
DON QUIXOTE
CRAZY IVAN
ATHENA
EDGAR ALLAN POE
MAD CAESAR
PANCHO VILLA
POMONA

>>19479899
God forbid you ask the waitress what is in the dish, she doesn't know and has to ask the kitchen

>>19479781
>not a tasteful $570 for lunch

>>19479745
>cooked to perfection
Isn't that up to me, the customer, to decide? Not the restaurant?

>>19479829
That's correct though

>>19479745
>pictures
>when the menu item has dots or dashes all the way to the price
>food menu is more than 1 sheet
>no separate drinks menu
>stupid names (ie: cock-a-doodle soup!)

80 page menu

>>19479825

100%

The secret is ten tons of butter and a dash of salt

>>19479752
$2 for a gf seems good but usually I get mine for free.

>>19479752
That doesn't seem right. Usually you lose money when you get a gf.

>>19480146
ads in between menu pages.

Why is this board so snarky?

>>19479748
>there's a price but no dollar sign

>Menu is more than 1 page long (not counting drinks)

>>19480250
that cant be real

>>19479745
Describing things as cooked "to perfection."
>>19480262
Because you touch yourself.

>>19480277
Not him but I've seen it at midwestern diners. Not Nike Just Do It or iPhone 27 but Tim's Well Digging or All American RV and Motor Sales. If you're eating at a place like that it's because you need to eat. A lot of times their stuff is surprisingly "fresh" because it's probably the only place anyone can eat at within 30 minutes of driving. Just don't try anything exotic.

Are you getting pizza? No? Then get out.

>>19479781
>urban woman who wants to be seen as valued and important by going to a flat faced popular kidz club restaurant
how is this fiction?

>>19480262
oh please fuck off

>>19479745
>Logo has a hipster moustache.
>A dish has the name of a city that is not in your country.
>prices are only two digits without the currency symbol.
>Has the word 'craft'

>>19479899
I got an Athena sandwich once, it was ok

>>19479825
>>when I order she doesn't
Same, I walk the fuck right out if the waitress doesn't order too. Am I not good enough to enjoy a meal with? Fucking bitch.

>>19481297
>no 55 year old asian gf of indiscernable descent

>>19479890
>QR code for menu
I fucking hate this shit. Fumbling around with your phone trying to scan a code while the waitress asks you what you want.
Just fucking print some disposable menus ffs

>Gordon Ramsey approved

>>19479825
fuckin a
I blame all these 'farm to table' hipster faggots for whining about where their food came from.
>waaaah cage free eggs
>waaaah no GMOs
>waaaah organic
>waaaah vegan everything
>waaaah my food was picked by a random mexican instead of from the overpriced food co-op down the street
when I go out to eat I don't give a shit as long as it's cheap and tastes good

>>19479745
>doesn't list the ingredients for the dish
>chinese restaurant that charges extra for rice
>drinks and food are two separate menus
>menu is a qr code

>>19479829
>high end pizza
>end
>pizza
kek. what's next high end kebab joint?

>>19483064
>drinks and food are two separate menus
this is how it should be for any respectable restaurant
do you want your soda pop to be on the same page as your tendies you child?

>>19479752
>>19479863
Gluten free menu options arent even useful for people with celiac because of the cross contamination. Most of the people who are gluten free don't actually have celiac so it really is a retard fee

>>19480143
>when the menu item has dots or dashes all the way to the price
That's how you know its good

https://youtube.com/shorts/zF3kC7Acyfc
There are people here that will defend this. LOL

>>19480146
No greek food for you I guess.

>>19483120
>the man who salts his fritos says a bland square is delicious
Who would defend this

This board is gonna blow up in a week when Gordon's child sex allegations come to light.

Mark my word. Archive this. I don't think it's wrong to be a MAP, but there are alot of antis on this chan.

>>19483076
>giving a shit about what's on what page
Karen why are you on an anime website for teenagers

>>19479757
If the restaurant is in a multi-ethnic neighborhood, that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

>>19479745
>farm to table
>artisinal
>pictures

>>19483462
Farm to table is great. Went to a restaurant once that has deer frolicking around outside that you can pet or feed, and then you can go inside and order fresh deer meat on the menu.

>>19479899
I had an Athena calzone a few weeks back. It was artichoke, spinach, garlic, feta and I think some other stuff maybe Greek sausage (by not of). It was good

>>19479745
>not having a website
>having a facebook page instead of a website
>not listing menu on your site
>not listing prices on your menu
>automatic gratuity added
>does not accept cash
>will not seat solo diners
>curry niggers or niggers working there

Fuck any restaurant that does any of these things.

>>19483078
I'm fine with that.

>>19483564
>stuff
>Greek sausage
Btw, this is gay code language

>>19480146
I have a hard time with Mexican restaurants because there's always several pages to the menu and they cram 20-30 dishes on each page. They're all shredded meat with some sauce and beans and rice. I also don't speak spanish so I have no fucking clue what any of it is

>>19479748
If there's no price on the menu, I'm walking out immediately. I'm not going to pay a mystery amount after my meal.

>>19483609
>does not accept cash
So, fun fact, the only way to practically not accept cash is if you pay for the meal before you receive it. Cash is considered legal tender, which means it must be accepted as payment for all debts, so if you owe a debt (because, for example, someone already served you food) and you pay cash, that debt is considered fulfilled whether or not they choose to accept the cash you gave them. Provided, of course, it's enough cash to service the debt.

>>19479745
>3% service charge for credit/debit cards
Infuriating, since only credit companies charge the merchant fee NOT DEBIT and that's part of the cost of doing business you fucking cunts. You take 3% from me I'll take 5% from the tip without a moment's hesitation.
>>19483609
>automatic gratuity added
This is fine if they make it clear before you order, but there better not be a fucking "additional gratuity" line on the receipt. I live in a smaller city and feel forced to tip 20% so I don't look like a cheapskate, even though I was raised that 15% meant you did a great job.
>does not accept cash
That's a good thing, waiters are the thievingest bunch of slackers in history and I don't want to subsidize the cash they pocket (which raises the restaurant prices) and don't pay taxes on.

>>19479890
>Leaves skin in mashed potatoes
Only thing I disagree with here. Though I understand why some don't like it, skin in mashed potatoes is kino and I wouldn't have it any other way.

>>19484012
OK, so... some restaurants in Vancouver have stopped accepting cash. Meaning technically they accept it but they apparently don't give change.
I have no idea why this bullshit is allowed.

Yes, there's some concern over cash helping spread plague (LOL like the division), but if those retards south of the border stop circulating it from being unvaxxed, it'll die off eventually.

I think a cashless society is fucking dystopian.

>>19480277
cheese cake factory

>>19485072
The benefit of running a cashless operation is that you don't have to spend the money involved in handling cash securely, auditing, transporting, or tracking for tax purposes. The cost involved in handling cash is significant. It would still be a net profit but since pretty much everybody is happy to pay by card anyways, you're not losing significant sales by not taking cash so you come out ahead.

A largely cashless future is pretty concerning but it's probably the natural trajectory even without the government pushing for it.

>>19479745
>qr codes
>le funny names for regular dishes

>>19479745
>has more than three disparate types of cuisine on the menu.
No, I will not eat at your restaurant that serves kebabs, chinese and pasta dishes.

>>19479748
That’s a green flag you homo. I’m not getting charged 90 bucks for a 16 oz bacon wrapped ribeye. Enjoy your expensive hellholes, it’s the same food you buy at Kroger.

>>19479825
greetings fellow 513 anon.

>>19479829
>It's always overpriced, burnt, hardly has any toppings and is tasteless.
That's authentic italian pizza.

>>19483076
>do you want your soda pop to be on the same page as your tendies you child?
yes

>sit down restaurant
>Burgers are listed and priced separately to fries

Also

>all drinks are given to you in 330ml cans and cost £3+

>>19479899
I've never seen a place with fantasy named dishes that didn't specify the ingredients right below on the menu.

>>19483078
there are degrees of gluten intolerance, fuckstick, celiac is only the worst
>t. autoimmune

>>19486940
>Burgers are listed and priced separately to fries
I FUCKING HATE THIS SHIT
It's starting to become a thing to give you chips instead of fries with burgers and sandwiches at lunch places now.
Fucking french fries should come with the meal not a separate item just because you sprinkled some shitty bacon and cheese on top of it.

>>19487161
that didnt refute his points

>>19487161
>>t. autoimmune
Don't put your penis in men's assholes if you don't want to get AIDS.

>>19483271
What

>>19483649
just get anything besides a quesadilla. Quesadillas are delicious but are terrible bang for your buck - you want to go with a burrito or chimichanga or something

>>19487228
It's weird that all mexican food is different combinations of exactly the same stuff. At restaurants I mean, not in real life.

>>19487192
how does it not?
we still need to avoid gluten even if we don't have celiac
some of us can eat minute amounts of gluten with no problems so we're okay with the soup coming with a few crumbs but not a big chunk of bread
some of us get adverse reactions from a fucking crouton
is that a really difficult concept to grasp?

>>19487207
call mum and tell her you love her, but she really shouldn't have dropped you on the head

>>19479748
I’m going to charge you a million dollars for a steak

>>19487280
If anyone says they have an autoimmune disease, I assume AIDS. Autoimmune = AIDS. You're a fudge packer.

>>19487304
celiac isn't AIDS but whatever you want to believe i guess

>>19487280
anon's points were
1. you're getting gluten-laced shit in any food you order at a restaurant due to cross contamination
2. most of the people who are gluten free don't actually have celiac's disease

the existence of the gluten-intolerant spectrum doesnt invalidate the small minority of gluten-intolerant people who have full-blown celiac's disease. If you disagree with this then you're arguing most people with gluten issues have full blown celiac's disease. Anon was just saying they are not the majority. This is a simple concept

>'fior di latte' mozzarella

>>19479745
>burger joint
>the burgers, sides, and drinks are all sold separately
>+2 for egg, avocado, or bacon
>+1 for anything else that isn't salt or pepper

>liquid condiment isn't optional
no I am not interested in your local special homemade jizz sauce
FUCK liquid condiments, absolutely VILE

>farm to table

>>19487437
>table to farm

>>19487511
>tarm to fable

>>19483052
You're not everyone. You either have plain, simple tastes, which is fine.
Or you're poor.

The fact of the matter is that farm to table ingredients taste better, and bring out flavors you wouldn't otherwise have. Not to mention the variation of and types of ingredients you otherwise wouldn't have access to because they cannot be found in the supermarket.

>>19487304
>I assume
like I said
dropped on the head

>>19487328
>anon's points were
>1. you're getting gluten-laced shit in any food you order at a restaurant due to cross contamination
and thus that
>it really is a retard fee
and I'm trying to explain, for far too long to a supposedly adult audience, that it isn't in fact a retard fee because of
>the existence of the gluten-intolerant spectrum
the majority of whom would very much desire such food items

>>19480146
The idea is that a restaurant that tries to do way too many disparate things isn't good at any of them but for some cuisines like Chinese or Mexican food where a lot of meals are basically some combination of meat, sauce and rice a large menu isn't necessarily bad

>>19487655
sorry about your AIDS, bro

>>19487661
sorry about your retardation, kid

>>19487667
I'd rather be retarded than have HIV

>>19487675
congrats

>>19487687
Sorry about your AIDS

>>19479895
For me its the Burgasm.

https://www.oddfellaspubauburn.com/daily-menu

>>19487694
you don't have to be, retard; I don't have any
it's okay, I will keep repeating this, I know it's hard for you to understand
Mummy loves you

>>19481297
>waiter brings food and says "enjoy your meal".
>"Yeah you too."
>then before I can kill myself he sits down and starts helping himself
>overall it was a pretty nice evening

>>19487544
>fart to mable

>>19486057
The cashless future will be because survivors only trade things with tangible value.

>>19479745
"Crispy"

>>19479745
>"Are you ready to order?"
>ask the waiter what his favorite is
>he just chuckles and smiles with a hint of superiority

>>19488756
>if you work here.. you must le eat here!

>>19489042
Most restaurants give a discount for employees, some even get free meals. If you had the ease to walk into the kitchen and ask for whatever the fuck you wanted and wouldn't pick a god damn thing it must be shit.

>>19489055
it's just a job, employees owe no loyalty to the restaurant

>>19489055
you don't even need to eat it to at least know what looks the least shit

>>19479745
>more than 1 font

>>19489067
Yeah, all in wingdings is superb.

>>19487279
You haven't eaten at many Mexican restaurants if you think this. Even most Tex-Mex places I have been too have some variety.
If you insinuate that meat, starch & veggies is the same stuff then you can narrow down from all mexican to all food.

too long is my no 1

>>19479825
>>19486908
holy shit I've eaten here...bearcat anons

>>19480270
What happens if you try to pay Canadian dollars in these places to shortchange them? There's literally no units

>>19489042
>waiter is a smiling retard unable to say "I don't know"
>still orders
You deserve all the fucked-up orders you ever had

>>19479757
This, I hate globalism so much. I want restaurants that serve nothing but traditional american food back g damnnit

>>19487657
I more meant like cheesecake factory/applebees type shit where it's like "we got an italian section, jambalaya, steak, sushi, borger etcetc"

>>19479745
>Menu red flags

I hate when there's 50 items on the menu with 50 pictures and the waitress keeps pressuring you to hurry up and order. Mexican spots are the worst violators of this.

>>19479825
It took about half the post, but I realized you were talking about green flags, not red ones.
>>19479840
>incandescent light bulb sign
>just says "EAT"
Every time.
>>19479899
If my waiter/waitress looks like Don Quixote, pulls a Crazy Ivan, and is named after either a guerrilla fighter or famous author while bringing me my food, they've earned a 30+% tip.
>>19483609
>no website
>fb page instead
Green flags 100%.
>>19487544
>libel to arms

>>19479745
I heard from a hooters whore that they switched from physical menu's to QR code menu's. Drove away some boomers because they're not into that shit or are bad with a cell phone. i'm a melinial but that rubs me the wrong way too. it also feels like the waitress is callin you stupid "so you didnt look at our menu online before you came in here?". I don't know if hooters still does this but it soudns like a big flop to me.

>>19479825
>Restaurant has a sun and weather stained Coca Cola sign that's probably been there since the 80s
>Tables have either plastic table cloths or no table cloths at all
>The waiter is the business owner or their family member and so is the cook
>Dining area is MUCH larger than their regular clientele would justify
>Menu hasn't been updated in literal decades

>>19479858
>Our "world famous" condiment/burger/sandwich!

>>19489368
A facebook shill? Go back to 2010 where you belong.

>>19479745
future doctors and senators in the kitchen ;)

>>19489424
>Sovl green flags
ftfy

>Everything on the menu has a "quirky" name that the servers try and make you say when you order
>Sides not included with mains
>Any "fusion" ethnic restaurant where the owners, cooks and workers are all white
>QR codes on tables, requires you to reserve online through an app and doesn't accept walk ins but will take your walk in party if you reserve a table on their app on the spot
>No substitutions on certain menu items
>Excessive neon lights and quirky interior design to appeal to zoomers and millenials. Entire space designed for social media hype
>Restaurant is only known for a single gimmick food item, usually falls under the "no substitution" clause above
>Clientele is almost entirely teenagers and young adults
>Anything described as "street food" on the menu or in the restaurant name.
>Restaurant pivoted entirely to takeaway/delivery during scamdemic, there are more app delivery drivers waiting for orders in the establishment than dine-in customers and dining space has been converted into a waiting area for delivery drivers
>Menu is optimized for delivery customers/app: a small menu of 5-6 mains that use mostly identical ingredients and all cost 1.5x the local minimum wage with only 2 options of sides.

>>19489468
tl;dr: avoid restaurants run by millenials, staffed by zoomers that cater to both. It's always overpriced garbage and every town has a dozen of these burger/street food places with identical menus with one "signature" burger/dish, and almost all their money comes from deliveries.

>theres no crab stew

>laminated menu with paper inside still being soaked with different colored stains
>some prices are scribbled over with thick permanent marker with new price written next to it
>some prices have stickers over them with new price written with a ball pen
>some items are crossed out completely
>order something that wasn't crossed out
>"sorry we don't have that anymore

>>19489055
>some get free meals
Is this not the absolute standard that you get a meal on your shift?

>>19489667
A lot of places, especially fast food, actually pay their employees cash amounting to the estimated cost of a meal, because nobody wants to have to eat Mcshit for lunch every fucking day of their career

>>19479745
>beer list
>no stout

>menu

That's pretty late. If you truly care about what you are putting into your body you should first look to see if there are any blacks or latins in the restaurant. If they dine there, get the Flippin Fuck out of Dodge.

>>19489373
What are you talking about, boomers love all the goyslop tech. They will be the first one scanning codes and posting pics on boomerbook.>>19489373

>>19479745
>wagyu burger

>The oldest restaurant in the city!
>Anything located around a square

>>19490011
i would rather use my phone to look at porn or texting people. i refuse to look at a menu on my phone after some bitch told me to do so. i would walk out

>deconstructed
thanks for telling me you were too lazy to put it together

>no physical menu, menu can only be accessed by using your phone to scan a QR code

a little off mark but
>skewers
>square plates
>furniture is too "modern" looking
>abundance of staff standing around
>tied to a bar
>5 stars on google/yelp

>>19489042
You really should, what the fuck.
If you work at a restaurant, I'd hope you have some familiarity with the items on the menu

>>19486955
not the point.

>>19489353
>Mexican spots are the worst violators of this.
except they are not.

>>19489424
I want to eat at this place.

>>19491031
Why? I just work here, I have no reason to give a fuck about the business otherwise, it's just a job, and most people need a job to make money to pay the bills.
If you work at apple does it mean your home computer is a mac?

>>19489353
>Mexican spots are the worst violators
If we're just talking menu sizes then authentic Asian, mostly Vietnamese, places do it worse.
>A1. Fak Hu flank soup
>A2. Fak Hu flank soup with tripe
>...
>A.27 Fak Hu flank soup with tripe, brisket, tendon, ass, tongue, balls, eyeballs, skin, nose hair, hooves, horn, cheek, liver, spleen, neck fat, pickled tail, and stomach
And each soup is for the same price. Then they'll send their 15 year old out to pick up your drink, appetizer, entree, and dessert all at the same time before you've even picked up the menu.

>>19479890
>art is anal

>>19489329
Canadian dollars use the same symbol, you mongoloid.

>>19479745
>has vegetarian or gluten free options

>is available on food apps

>>19479748
This shit is the most pretentious fucking shit out there and only wankers go to these restaurants
>Oh look at me, I can't be a functional adult and budget properly because I'm so rich peepeepoopoo

>>19491231
based

>>19489483
Also where the fuck are these zoomers getting all this money to have overpriced food delivered to them for even more money? I thought they were all broke making minimum wage unable to pay off their college debt?

>>19479745
>peruse their soup menu
>nothing but clothes

Seeing hand-made, hand-crafted, home-cooked, etc makes me extremely uncomfortable
I mean I feel anxious staring at those words and become uncomfortable sitting at the restaurant
It just feels so disingenuous to me

>>19489468
>No substitutions on certain menu items

good, grow up idiot

>Call themselves a bistro

>>19479829

Kek too true. I waited tables at some hole in the wall Italian joint back in college, that tried to pose itself as a fancy place. We had a picture on the wall that said something like "our pledge: we only use the finest ingredients including <some fancy name brand cheese>: the best cheese money can buy!" and the chef (who was Mexican) laughed his ass off when I asked him about it.

>>19479890
>QR code for menu
I'm with the boomers on this one. If I sit down and a place can't be fucked to provide their own menus I'm walking out.

>>19486057
Until your payment system crashes because of a power surge or shitty Windows update and then you can't buy or pay for shit.

>>19489424

Had a place like near me that I went to several times a week. It was a breakfast/lunch joint and the owner was the sole worker. He'd focus on cooking and almost nothing else so you walk in, "what'll have?", turns around to start making the food and declares to the grill "that'll be $3.50". You put the money in a basket on the counter, make your own change with money already there and sit your ass down. You get the best 3 scrambled eggs, deep-fried thick cut bacon, actual grits, buttered toast and a drink. The dining area however was extra small and half of it was ocupado by a bunch of boomers with no where to go just sitting there bitching about current thing. He also made a badass grilled cheese bacon burger thing with homemade jalapeno sauce.

I told nobody about this place as I knew if it even got slightly more popular, it'd be intolerable given the one worker setup and how small it was. I remember for a few months, there were some mouthbreather construction guys down the road for a job that found out about the place. They'd take up all the fucking space, ask the owner a bunch of stupid questions slowing him down and "joke" with each other with GIT ER DUN type lines when those were a full 15 years past their best-by date. God I'm still so fucking mad about it.

>>19479745
Stupid goofy celebrity names and morons associated with them. That was a big thing with morons in Manhatten, gimmie a "paul newman" and a coffee. Most of those cunts are dead, rightfully so.

Its pretty funny when you folk make fun of chink joints for putting up pictures of dishes, but you dont make fun of asshole cunt jew places that put up celebrity pictures and even worse expect people to order by some stupid name that most of us dont know or care about.
Dumb fucking hypocrites.

>>19479745
>smash burger
>no steaks
>pre-ground pepper on the table
>doesn't take reservations
>gluten-free icons on the menu
>servers wearing anything other than white or black shirt
>Mexicans in the kitchen
>shrimp in a pasta served with the tails still on
>Ketchup anywhere to be seen

>no singles policy

Kill yourselves contrarian retards

>>19479824
With tortillas, cheese, 2 types of beans, and 4 options for meat, you can offer 50,000 options of Mexican dishes. You're just parroting the hack Gordon Ramsay lmao

>>19491588
it'd be so funny to hand one of those cunts a check for a $10,000 steak and see them try to get out of it

>>19494549
>>Mexicans in the kitchen
they work hard ese

>>19492925
lol

>>19495270
whats stopping from doing that if i own a reasturant
we got a million dollar steak it's just market price
what, can't pay, you poor or something?

>>19487701
>One Oddtober Pie please