/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>beta fag

Grow a spine.

ITT two faggots who are good for each other

You two are fucking right? Because if not, you'd better get to it.

Hope you made him buy you a new one.
Or at least used his toothbrush to clean your anus.

Fake story

>tea place
>smell delicious tea
>on sale
>buy a lot
>tastes not so good

all of my why.

>baking chocolate chip cookies
>have mom that doesn't keep flour/ powdered sugar/ sugar/anything in the bag, always in unmarked tupperware containers
>grab the container that all my life always had flour
>make cookies as usual and put in oven to bake
>burning smell followed by smoke detector going off
>giant mess of burnt all over the bottom of the oven
>mom calls me an idiot for using powdered sugar instead of flour
>i call mom an idiot for putting powdered sugar in the flour jar.
>dad says we're both fucking idiots and is upset because now he doesn't get any cookies.

>>4113793
Powdered sugar is nothing like flour in texture or the way it packs, though... But I have a similar story.

>Meeting SO's parents for the first time - staying with them over Christmas in New Zealand
>SO's in the shower, first time left alone with them early in the morning.
>They tell me coffee's already made, grab a cup and come chat
>See bottle of instant coffee mix, kettle of hot water, and 3 dishes of white powder with spoons in
>One is obv. "whitener", put a fuckton of that in to mask instant coffee taste
>Think the other two are sugar and some kind of sweetener like splenda. Pick one and put a bunch in
>it was salt
>sit there like a fag and make small talk with in-laws for an hour, trying not to wince every time I take a sip
>tell SO later, who laughs forever and says we should tell in-laws. Apparantly father-in-law puts small amount of salt in his coffee for unknown reasons
>six years later, they still don't know.
>can still taste oversalted instant coffee in my nightmares.

>Family barbecue
>Brother in law is making the burgers and hot dogs
>Mom kisses brother in laws ass because he's from a rich family and so therefore can do no wrong.
>Brother in law is mashing the shit out of the burgers while they cook, making them dry as fuck and losing all those precious juices.
>I casually mention (in the nicest way possible) that pressing them while cooking could make them dry.
>Mom jumps in and chews my ass for questioning how he makes the burgers
>I just sigh and walk away
>Later, while eating, mom and sister make a big deal to mention how wonderfully delicious the burgers are "Oh, I don't like my burgers too juicy, this is just perfect".
>mfw I'm chewing on the driest burger I've ever had.

>buy a big tin of nice expensive olive oil
>Come home from work the next day
>Horrible smell in the house
>Sister is cooking in kitchen
>Run to kitchen
>Look into pot on the stove
>Heart stops, eyes tearing up
>pot is full of my beautiful olive oil being used to deep fry mozzarella sticks
>over half the bottle was used
>after she finishes, she dumps it in the sink.
>mfw

>>4113816
eh, i was 17 at the time and wasn't paying attention to things like consistancy or texture or anything like that. i'd been baking for years already so was pretty set in my ways pretty much running on auto-pilot as i'd made cookies a million times before.

actually that one mistake got me in the habbit of just tasting a little dab of anything before putting it in.

>>4113881
Your fucking pipes man, your fucking pipes. That oil can't be good for it.

>>4113905
I know!
It was still hot too.
She literally picked up the pot from the flame and poured it all over the dishes in the sink.

I couldn't even.. I was so fucking angry, words cannot describe.

>>4113925
> all over the dishes
I would literally kill her.

>>4113881
>>4113834

I honestly feel sorry for how unintelligent your families are. I am sorry.

>>4113881

I had a couple of roommates like that. I think if I was still living with them, homicide would have occurred by now. Pure trailer trash.

>>4113881

What a shame you have to be related to such a worthless piece of trash.

>>4113881
My family was like that. At a certain age I might have done something like that, except I was the one who picked out the food at the grocery store and cooked it and did the dishes...so I educated myself quickly not to do fucking retarded shit like that.

>>4113948
come one we all did stupid shit in our younger days. i know one time i put m&m's in the vcr.

>>4113964
She's my older sister, 27 years old.

I don't think she'll grow out of it.

>>4113974
Tell her to not breed please.

>>4113964
There's a difference between that and what his sister did.

>>4113974
oh so she's just a dumb ass, kind of like my ex that thought that if it takes 30 minutes to cook something at 350 she could do it in 15 minutes at 700.

>>4113834

>I don't like my burgers too juicy

oh god my fucking sides

>>4113994
Haha oh god, yes she's just like that.

I've got another recent story about the natural disaster I call a sister.

>Christmas day
>Awake to a series of loud banging noises
>Go downstairs
>find my sister in the kitchen with a rubber hammer
>She's hammer coffee beans in a ziplock bag
>I ask why
>She says she's making coffee cookies
>Oh no
>She's used half a bag of my bread flour.
>Keep calm, try to prevent her from using anything else in this mess
>Ask her what recipe she's using.
>Shows me an Amish cookbook from the 1950's
>Recipe doesn't even match what she's done.
>Drops tennis ball sized globs of dough roughly 1/2 inch apart on a thick metal tray slathered in butter.
>Comes out like a big hot coffee flavored sponge blanket
>look at her arm
>she had written "COFFEE COOKIES" in permanent marker the night before, to remind herself.

>>4113793
nigga how can you not tell the difference between confectioners' sugar and flour

>Visit my grandparents
>Their fridge is filled with expired food
>They lived through the great depression and consequently have a hard time throwing away food
>Tell them they have to throw away some of the more delicate foods like eggs and milk if they're expired
>"Day old milk never hurt anyone." etc.
>Get them to throw away the really expired stuff
>1 month later I get a call from my mother
>Boom they have salmonella

>>4114059
Oh shit, why do people do this.

About two years ago I caught my dad eating chocolate marshmallow eggs from 1999.
Apparently he had a big horde of them hidden in the basement.

>>4114059
You can eat expired eggs and milk for a bit after they expire, and it won't kill you. I do it all the time.

You need to use reason. You can't keep something that is marked to expire two weeks after you buy it for a year, but you can for maybe three or four weeks, depending on what it is.

>>4114066
Yeah, it's really worrying. My grandparents have recently begun stockpiling leftovers and then eating only leftovers for like a week then going out and getting more leftovers.

>>4114086
But I was finding clearly expired milk and eggs that they claimed were "just a few days old".

>>4114039
>>she had written "COFFEE COOKIES" in permanent marker the night before, to remind herself.

OP here.
>>4113671
No
>>4113669
I made him buy a new one.
>>4113660
No, we have separate girlfriends.
>>4113653
Shouldn't you be back in /b/?

>>4114039
Christ. I bet your sister and mine would get along. They're both just as retarded.

>Housemates never wash their dishes
>shit just piles up for weeks
>one of them cooks his 2 minute noodles as usual and dumps the remaining brine and noodles into the sink
>dishes cover the drain and the brine and shit remains in there
>come home after a few days away to this
>know that if I want to cook, I have to take everything out of the disgusting sink first

>Wake up early and go to the market at 6AM to buy mussels and groceries.
>Never cooked mussels so I look up a recipe.
> Saute them in garlic with herbs
>Mum won't touch them, says she'll only eat them in a restaurant.
>Dad and I eat them and he tells that it was delightful

Oh man it is incredibly frustrating to have her complain to all her friends that I can't cook when every time I've offered to cook, bought ingredients or told her in advance that I will cook she tells me that no, she'll do it. If not that then she already has something 'planned' that turns out to be steamed vegetables and meat or bangers and mash.

>>4114682
yeah.

fuckyoumom.exe

>>4113764
The more the tea smells, the less aroma is intact in the leaves. Just in case you didn't know, now you do.

You guys make me so happy about the fact that my mum used to teach cooking classes.

She was even geniunely saddened when she accidentally damaged one of my nice pans and got me a replacement.

>>4114595
Oh god this so much.

>live with stoner brother
>has people over every fucking day
> we go through 100 dollars of food in 2 days because they're all fucking hungry all the fucking time because of munchies
> 4 cases of soda gone in 2 days
> dishes piled up, nothing left to use
> ask brother to at the very least to put away the clean dishes and take out the trash.
> too lazy to do that

>>4114700
>we go through 100 dollars of food in 2 days
>4 cases of soda gone in 2 days

soda is not food

>>4114703
ok then.

>100 dollars of food and drink

All you people with lazy/idiotic roomates really need to get into cast iron/iron cookware.

They are the best thing ever, especially if you dont have to worry about people washing them incorrectly.

Pic related, its my Mineral B.

>>4113634
did he died?

Out of curiosity, (brought on by the olive oil in deep fat frier down sink) what would have been the correct way to dispose of oil in such large volumes?
I've only ever had small amounts left over in frying pans which i wipe away with kitchen towel and throw away.

>>4114814
>Place oil in container of some sort
>place container in trash

Or for the people who dont give a fuck
>take pot of boiling oil
>open door
>walk outside
>dump oil in yard

>>4113793
I thought powdered sugar didn't have that "pwoah" powder when you pat it.

>>4114682
Hah, my parents are like that aswell.
>ask mum if I can bake a cake
>"Why?"
>"For school"
>"No, I'll do it for you"
>fuck you, mom.

>>4114595

I lived with three other guys in a campus apartment during uni. Two of them did that "pile up dirty dishes and wait for roomate to clean them" bit. I waited until they used every last dish, utensil, and pan (which wasn't much, only a few plates, a few set of fork/knives, and two shitty teflon pans). I gave them a 24 hour ultimatum to clean their shit or I'm getting rid of it.

Twenty four hours later there was a box of uncleaned kitchenware outside our front door. 26 hours later all their dishes were cleaned and I never had that problem with them again.

>>4114844

> ask mum to bake a cake
> allofmywat

Why not just bake a fucking cake?

>>4114852
You showed them!

>>4114814
You throw it away. If you're really careful you'd find some kind of absorbent garbage material and absorb it in that first.

>>4114837
I stopped doing that because it kills the grass

>>4114866

To be fair, he handled the situation and fixed it. Most people on 4chan would be passive aggressive and just laugh to themselves while shitposting in a green text thread.

>>4114931
A pussy that sticks up for a pussy is also a pussy...

Way to try spin the story wuss.

>>4114856
Not the guy you replied to, but I never would have cooked without asking while growing up. I wasn't allowed to cook most of the time and remember feeling excited and like I was doing something i shouldn't when preparing sandwiches for myself without asking. I think some families are just like this.

>>4114866
Go back to reddit.

>have to babysit cousin when I was 17
>she is 7 years old and likes to eat
>I mean really eat, the thing was a tub of fat that only managed to walk
>uncle puts a lock on the fridge so she wouldn't eat more but she will eat what ever is open and still around
>I like spicy food (10 years later and nothing's changed) so I make an omelette for myself and her. Mine has birds eye chillie, hers just cheese and ham
>after we eat she waddles to the kitchen to put away the plate in the sink, but while I finish up I hear a scream
>I investigate to see the seven year old crying her eyes out with a huge rash on her arms and around her mouth. She ate the left over chillie.
>after giving her yoghurt to soothe another half hour later I hear another scream coming from the toilet.
>I have to explain to my uncle later why she had rubbed chillie on her vagina even though there was none left over (the oil)
>never asked to babysit again

>>4115612
>she had rubbed chili on her vagina
best post this year

>>4115612
>>4115627
>habanero-tan.jpg

>>4113816
Adding salt to your coffee is an old navy thing. Cuts the bitterness. Typically its done by adding a PINCH of salt to the grounds BEFORE you turn on the coffee maker/percolater

>Cooking for girlfriend
>Making chicken curry (pic related)
>Turns out Delicious with some added leek and spices
>Jokingly tell my girlfriend the recipie promises a insta blowjob for food
>Get blowjob while eating curry
>Magical evening

I really recommend the recipe

>>4114595
I feel your pain, my roommate does the same thing.

>>4115643
>preparing a paki dish
No thanks

>>4115646
yay food racism!

>>4114814
>>4114837
>place container in trash
>dump oil in yard

What? Filter that shit, reuse later. DO NOT DO THIS WITH OIL USED FOR FRYING FISH.

>Cooking
>DIY Firestarers
>Biodiesel

>>4115646
>Not eating a delicious ethnic food because you have a problem with the people.

You don't have to like niggers to recognize that they can make a damn fine plate of fried chicken.

>>4114595
I spent much of my time back in high school as a shut-in. I skipped so much fucking school just to stay in my room and read, it was a miracle I even graduated. Eventually, I developed a taste for cooking and started leaving my room to use the kitchen when everyone was out of the house. My parents and siblings never saw much of me, and neither did I of them, but I grew to loathe them every time I'd come downstairs to find an empty house and the kitchen full of stained dishes piled high and a sink full of rotten food.

Still, every day I'd clean the whole room just to cook without getting food poisoning. I haven't seen any of them since I moved out during uni, I'm not even sure they realised I was the one who cleaned up after them.

>>4115640
I put salt in my grounds all the time, it really does work. You have to be careful not to overdo it though, the window between "not enough" and "salty as fuck" is pretty goddamn small.

If you're careful you can put it in your cup after brewing, but it's a lot easier to fuck up because small volume.

>>4115015
Yup, same. Some mothers just like to be in control of the kitchen. No matter how many times I have offered to make dinner it is always politely declined; I like to think my cooking isn't that bad!

>>4115678
Wow, that is an odd story. Are they red necks or stupid or what? Why the contempt?

>>4115678
>I spent much of my time back in high school as a shut-in. I skipped so much fucking school just to stay in my room and read, it was a miracle I even graduated. Eventually, I developed a taste for cooking and started leaving my room to use the kitchen when everyone was out of the house. My parents and siblings never saw much of me, and neither did I of them, but I grew to loathe them
You sound like my brother up until this point.

>>4115666
Filtering oil is a pain in the ass, and its probably burnt anyways...since she was deep frying with olive oil.

>>4115858
well olive oil yeah, but just a regular safflower or peanut oil, I'd save it.

>>4114039
>she had written "COFFEE COOKIES" in permanent marker the night before, to remind herself.

>>4113994
>cooking at 700 degrees

>>4114039
>she had written "COFFEE COOKIES" in permanent marker the night before, to remind herself.

houston, this is my sides, preparing for takeoff


One time my sister made a small ham in the slow cooker with the plastic still on. She also made cookies with margarine. I've also done that though. pic related. they were still pretty good.

>>4114698
I know that feel brah.

This christmas, we had some family over we haven't had in a long time, and we asked them what they wanted for dinner on Christmas Eve (we don't do anything super special for christmas eve, just christmas day), and they said spaghetti, and I offered to make it, but my mom also made her sauce (my mom's a good cook, but she uses a lot of canned stuff, whereas I prefer to make my own stuff from scratch) from the can, and seasoned it like she always does, which is good.

But she said that since there was a lot of people, if I wanted I could make my own marinara and meatballs to go with it, so I did, and everyone loved both of them, but afterwards, my mom came up to me and APOLOGIZED for making her sauce and meatballs too, because she thought mine was better, and it would have been better to make just a big batch of that for everyone.

It was sweet, and I told her she had no reason to apologize, but at the same time, I felt like a heel, because I had made her feel bad on Christmas. My mom knows I'm a better cook than her, and I sometimes feel bad, because I don't want her to feel inadequate.

>>4114837
>dump oil in asshole landlord/neighbor's yard

fixed.

>>4115915
I got arrested for drunk driving on my mother's birthday.

Feel better now?

>>4114852
When I still lived with shitty roommates,we had a rule where dishes left unclean for 48 hours went in the offender's bed.

>Day before birthday
>Mom decides to bake a cake for me
>Dad has anger/alcohol issues, and gets really pissy about food all the time
>Throws a fit about a ball of pizza dough he put in the fridge that went bad because nobody made anything with it
>Tosses it on top of the cake my mom put on the counter to cool off
>Wake up next morning to find my birthday cake in the garbage with bad pizza dough on top of it

That was probably the most depressing birthday I've ever had. At least it was a regular cake and not a cheesecake though, then it would have been a tragedy.

>>4115640
Thank you for that information. I am still ashamed and will never tell them of my mistake.

>>4115948
Kill your dad. He sounds like a total waste of life.

>>4114866
>We want the reddit audience

>>4115952
Alcoholism is a terrible thing.
I'm sure he was a good person at one point, given my mom married him.

>>4115969

Maybe your mom is retarded.

Here's you on your birthday.