/ck/ - Food & Cooking

I hope this'll be something like regular ordinary Swedish mealtime.

mods plz sticky this. tia.

First, because we are alpha and not beta, we will be cracking the eggs open with one hand on the kitchen counter. When doing this in the presence of wimminz you are cooking for, this skill is sure to earn you teh hawt secks. Hawt secks should be had after eating, as you will certainly burn the eggs if hawt secks is had during the cooking process.
Do this with three eggs and you will be able to make two sandwiches with the perfect amount of egg, 1 1/2 each.

>>4341776

yuor hand looks a bit fat. dyel?

>>4341760
go on...

Now, after you have added 3 eggs to the pan (which hopefully you were smart enough to butter beforehand), slice up some cheese and toss it in to taste. Here we have my preference, reduced fat marble cheese. At this time you may add salt, pepper, chopped veggies, or whatever the fuck to taste. With my example, today we will be keeping it simple.

>>4341778
I am indeed a fat man.

Start mixing with your choice of spoon. The eggs and cheese should be well blended. Masturbating while mixing is not recommended, although it can feasibly be done at other stages of the cooking process, except perhaps for cheese slicing. If you slice your dick off, I will laugh at you.

>>4341791
i why didn't you scramble the eggs first, then add the cheese?

>>4341778

Been the rifle range lately?

>>4341791
>That feel when I can't cum while standing

>>4341799

the range is for women. i shoot innawoods and i get one shot kills.

>>4341796
Why, I'm glad you asked, and it ties in well to the next post.

Adding the cheese before the eggs are fully scrambled allows you to better bond the eggs and cheese and create a more consistent end result.
Blend to your preference. In the last post, I told you not to masturbate while mixing. That's because at this stage, your semen would undoubtedly mix into the eggs without a trace. Perhaos something to remember if you are cooking for someone who has indeed rustled your jimmies.

>>4341807
That looks, ...pretty fuckin' bad.

just another fat /k/ommando

>>4341807
that's not scrambled...

After continued scrambling and cooking on a medium-low setting, we now have properly scrambled eggs and cheese. If you have added your preference of spices, meat and/or vegetables, yours will probably look different. Semen, however, will probably not make it look that much different.

>>4341821

OP makes vidz u better watch urself.

dude you aren't cooking anything worthy of this type of documentation. you aren't funny either. you are trying way too hard.

>>4341829
What if you cut off your dick, and decide to add it to the eggs?

>>4341837
I think you're just trying too hard at this point.

Wait until he does something really mock-worthy, like Progun does, and you'll have the proper tools to rip on the guy.

>>4341829
you cooked the shit out of those eggs

>>4341760
>Cold Steel Roach Belly

Why would you buy any Cold Steel product, they're all overpriced Chinese made crap?

Spyderco Master Race!

Now that the eggs are fully cooked, you may, if you desire, put them into sandwiches. Mine have reduced fat mayonnaise. Unfortunately, I am still not a reduced fat individual. With whole wheat bread, you will have a healthy meal which will allow you to produce more sperm for your next cooking session. One for you and a fine lady who wants the D.

>>4341837
That is certainly doable but you will need to cure the sliced penis first.

>>4341870
Cold Steel is overpriced IMO, but they still make decent products. If they lowered their price a little, I'd gladly carry one of their knives around.

Now that our knife is dirty, those of us who are not total plebeians will clean the knife rather than leave it in the sink like a faget.

>>4341870
I own, carry, use and love Spyderco, but generally I prefer Cold Steel's designs more.

>>4341885
I paid about $12 for this Roach Belly. It's my around the house utility knife. Probably one of my most used knives and I think it performs spectacularly.

Simple soap and water should wash this stainless steel knife just fine. Give it your attention. Feel it all over. Scrub that soap all along its sexy curves...I had a boner the whole time.

>>4341889
>$12

Well that's a great price, but some of their other knives push almost a hundred or more seem overpriced for what you get.

Now that your knife is clean, allow it to bask in the glory of a job well done. Enjoy your sandwich and hawt secks with the wimminz if you have not already. You've earned it, my friends.

Thank you for participating in today's episode of Cooking With CSF. This is your host, CSF. Happy cooking!

>>4341880

Jesus christ you are a massive faggot, enjoy your fucking obesity and heart congestion. Take your shitty recipes to clapistan and fuck off my /ck/

>>4341900
Depends on the lineup. Their laminated steel San Mai III knives are generally quite expensive, but they are expensive to manufacture. Their SK-5 knives are also mostly expensive, but they're soon upgrading the steel of those models to O-1 tool steel (with no price increase) to make it worth it.

Their AUS8A and Krupp 4116 are mostly very reasonably priced.

>>4341901

excellent job, sir. my only recommendation would be to leave out the sperm and masturbation jokes, but /ck/ has a sizeable gay contingent so maybe they are ok.

>>4341907
Do they make any of their blades in Japan or USA? I have an old Recon Tanto that is made in the USA, and an older Voyager made in Japan.

>>4341914
The majority of their knives are made in Taiwan. Their high end fixed blades are mostly made in Japan. They no longer make knives in America but I read on CS' twitter that they use a lot of materials from America and actually ship it to Taiwan or Japan.

>>4341917
Is that why everyone on /k/ is so butthurt about them?

inb4 BVBRocks

>>4341923
That and because their knives are primarily utilitarian in design - they're built to do a job and not to look pretty. /k/ has a preference for things that look pretty and are covered in wood and leather. Pic related is an example.
Another reason /k/ hates Cold Steel is because Cold Steel generally focuses on combat knives, and /k/ thinks that since guns were invented, other weapons suddenly stopped being functional.

>>4341917
Can you give me the name of the models still made in Japan?

A lot of online knife stores fail to disclose that.

>>4341934
I've never understood the hate towards you.
Apart from the way you make scrambled eggs, you're alright with me CSF.

>>4341936
Pretty much anything in San Mai III is made in Japan. Their Master and Magnum Tanto series, Outdoorsman, Black Bear Classic, Master Hunter, and everything else they offer in San Mai III. This is my San Mai III Recon Tanto, made in Japan as you can see on the ricasso.

>>4341943
Thanks bro. Generally the hate I get is due to the way I respond to butthurt, which only creates more butthurt. It's a vicious cycle.
Generally I don't troll or fling shit at people who are being civil, though.

Did someone ask for removal services?

>>4341952

Don't go to some other board to bitch about /k/. We hate you there because you give shitty advice about mediocre knives, not because you're some amazing counter-troll.

>>4341943
Keep him then. Please for the love of god keep him.

I'm so sorry /ck/ brothers, this faggot is the most hated trip on /k/, and we're sorry that he spilled over into your territory.

>>4341952

>>4341983
No fucking way this faggot is your problem now

>>4341980
>implying I'm even bitching about /k/
Just stating tru fax, bro.

>>4341977
I don't see any kebab here...

>not ignoring coldsteelfat
ya blew it /ck/

Wow, I don't think I've ever seen use use your knives on /k/
Maybe this is where you should stay CSF

>>4341986
>tru fax
>saying /k/ hates you for reasons other than you shitting up every thread you post in

We're sorry, /ck/, if we could get rid of him we would.

>>4341994
>tubby tits
>cheap knives
>likes food

I think our little clogged artery has found his place in society.

>>4342012
>I think our little clogged artery has found his place in society.


10/10 would pee a little while laughing again

>>4341760
Sup, CSF? I'm glad to see you're still around.

What is it with fat men and knifes?

>>4341821
oh man I lol'd, haven't seen that in a while haha

>>4342031
Sup anon? I was banned for trolling the shit out of a thread a few days ago, much lulz were had.

>>4341994
As I've said, I don't abuse my knives. I use them for cutting and very light prying (such as getting some food off that's stuck on a baking pan) and that's why they don't look like shit. Right tools for the job, brah.

Pic related is the knife I'm carrying today, I use it frequently but it doesn't look like shit because I take good care of it. I like my tools to last.

>>4342035
wait a minute..... Lets think about this rationally
>fat tub of shit
>trying to promote shitty knife brand
>autism
>knows about "steel"

CSF confirmed as Lynn C. Thompson trying to sell his knives.

>>4342051
wut

/k/ here, we mostly think CSF is a faggot.

>>4342050
You use a knife on stuck on food? Buy less knives, buy more spatulas.
Also: knives are not for prying. Get a pry bar.

>>4342062
It's not a task that's abusive to the knife, and sometimes a knife is better at it than a spatula.
I carry a CRKT Eat'n Tool, it has a pry bar on it.

>>4342069
>carries tableware as edc

OH SHIT TACTICAL ROAST BEEF INBOUND!

Lynn you're a funny guy

Tacticool eating for the home.

Buy kitchen supplies.

On behalf of /k/, I'd like the mod here to ban this man publicly and sticky the thread. Or at least give the fucker a ban from /ck/ so he doesn't shit up other boards.

>>4342069
If you need a knife to pry food off a baking pan you're doing something wrong.

How can you claim cooking /k/ommando status when you didn't even use a mosin bayonet as a spit roast, or the butt of an Ak 74 as a pan.

>>4342069

>3000-1000+12+1

Why haven't you committed seppuku with you're shitty knives yet?

>>4342078
Sometimes it helps to have a cutting edge.

>>4342081
Because my life is better than yours.

Oh my god. I'm so sorry /ck/, we didn't know he got loose.

Please add him to your filter lists.

Have some pictures from a real cook to salve your mental wounds

>>4342088

>>4342082
It also helps to properly prep whatever your cooking, and cook it properly, so it doesn't stick in the first place

Out of curiosity, does the Vaseline on the blades help with releasing stuck on food?

>>4342090

>>4342087

Yea I can tell, every one seems to like you and take you seriously everywhere you go.

>>4342100

>>4342105
>now we can never having cooking with /k/ again

I need to break out the MRE's and make something fancy

I'm sorry /ck/, you're a good board and you deserve better.

OP is fag fatbody

>>4342108

>>4342109
>homemade bread and yoghurt

>>4342109

Hammer and duct tape, good cooking utensils.

I am not sorry. I have done nothing wrong, but you have my pity /ck/

And this is coming from a tranny who eats 1 dollar banquet tv dinners on a regular basis

>>4342111
small apartment- I do everything at this table

How to actually make scrambled eggs

2 eggs
milk
salt and pepper
vegetable oil (butter likes to burn like a little bitch if you're in a hurry and not babysitting)

turn on your stove to '3'
use a gas stove if you've got it
oil up your pan

crack those 2 dead babies into a bowl
pour in a splash of milk, and whip that shit together
keep adding milk until it's a pale yellow
then whip it some more until you don't see any clear bits of egg white
2-4 shakes of salt, and a thin covering of pepper on the surface of the egg
whip it again like a little bitch

pour into your hot pan, wait 10 seconds, then start stirring slowly, scraping the bottom of your pan to keep the eggs from burning

keep doing it until the eggs are cooked

pow, scrambled eggs

ps cheese is for faggots

pps sorry from /k/ again

>>4342159
Eggs arent babies, theyre periods.


I use honey and other random spices in m yscrambled eggs. I love how honey sweetens it

I prefer to finely grate my cheese and toss it in the pan after the eggs are scrambled and I cut the heat (so they're still hot and cooking).

Salt, pepper, and hot sauce is then added at the table. Or some ketchup/A1/57 sauce/secret stadium sauce if I'm feeling frisky.

>>4341760
/ck/, I am so sorry that our village idiot wandered over. This thing is a 15 year old mall ninja that is addicted to buying cheap, crappy knives. Please don't think ill of us, we hate him as much as anyone else if not more.
Just ignore him, he'll get bored soon and go masturbate.

>>4342168
I've gotten dead chicks in my eggs before, they are dead babies to me

delicious dead babies

>>4342174
Thats a quality control issue, one of the hens is a trap

>>4342184
>trap
oh you

>>4341760

CSF you did everything retarded like. First off, you failed to cook bacon in the pan before you cooked your eggs, so you missed out on dat grease. Second, I see no peppers. Third, stop bothering /ck/. And us, please leave us /k/omrades alone as well.

>>4342191
Wait, he didn't add peppers? Or onions?
What sort of slack jawed faggot misses out on that in their eggs?

/k/ here. Im sorry /ck/ I really am. You are one of the very few boards I dont despise. CSF is a fucking faggot and we all hate him. Just add him to your filter. Also, swing by /k/ sometime. We have outdoor cooking, jerky, and general booze and guns threads I'm sure you would like.

>cold steel

>>4342187
How else do you explain their eggs getting fertilized?

You're shitting up /ck/ now too CSF?

>>4342252
i'm just imagining some guy pretending to be gay so he can fuck married women without their husbands caring/knowing

someone should make a movie

>>4342035
They're too out of shape to hold a gun.

>>4342223
wtf, explain this madness

>>4342223
>encouraging gay people to visit /k/
You're going to end up with threads critiquing the fashionability of combat uniforms and their favorite color of gun.

>>4342273
what is self-parody

>>4342274
better than what we've got going on right now

besides, everyone knows combat uniforms in civilian hands outside tactical sports arent that useful, seeing as if you're wearing camo when the drones come knockin you're a dead man

>>4342282
>dem pockets

i want more clothes with shoulder and breast pockets

>>4342285
Have you tried Hot Topic?

>>4342294
What's hot topic?

Guys, we're all really sorry about CSF. Just filter him like we do.
Also, one of you guys told me that you'd all appreciate a simple tuna croquette recipe, so I figure I'd post here for you.
/k/ PRESENTS: HOW TO MAKE TUNA CROQUETTES LIKE YOUR FUCKING GRANDMOTHER DOES WITHOUT ANY OF THAT TRENDY GOOK SHIT
Ingredients:
7oz can of tuna (buy the solid shit, anything else is for casuals)
2 eggs
1/2 cup of old fashioned oats
Oil (I like olive oil, but it doesn't really matter)
Salt and pepper if you want
Instructions:
1. Put the oil on the skillet. I like to use a good bit since the oats absorb some. Heat that shit up.
2. While that shit's heating up put the tuna in a mixing bowl or some shit, break it up real good
3. Mix eggs and tuna really well
4. Mix in the oats
5. Make little patties (don't worry about them being perfect) with your hands
6. Throw them in the skillet and flatten with a turner
7. Cook until golden brown, flip, cook until golden brown again
8. Eat that shit. I like them with a lot of ketchup, but do what you wanna do.

>>4342299
A place where tag price clothes will cost you as much as a decent pre scare ar15 and no buyers remorse.

The best store on earth, it's where i buy all my Night Before Christmas tampon holders and my Invader Zim/Gir crotchless panties

>>4342310

>>4342088
>>4342090
i cook it kinda like grilled cheese

>>4342328
>>4342328
A lot of the clothes sold there are really sexy though. The high school goth look mostly. Pair that up with victorias secret underneath and youre in for a good time

Dude. You mix the eggs in a bowl with a little bit of water then add cheese.

>>4341880
>reduced fat mayonnaise.
The irony of this

>>4342344
>water

>>4342344
>>4342344
Wow i bet you use water for your hot chocolate instead of milk hahaha

>>4342361

>The irony of this

fat people think like this. and he's a gun nut. what did you expect, logic?

>>4342375
No, he's more of a knife nut, and they are not that good of knives to begin with. To be honest I don't think he has guns.

>>4342412
He's a 15 year old Canadian, he doesn't.

>>4341760
>The knife we will be using today is the Cold Steel Roach Belly, an excellent all purpose budget knife.
Thanks for them mention. I'm a little out of touch on knives and didn't know Cold Steel made one this modestly priced.

I think I'll pick one up as a general utility knife. TVM dude.

>>4342425
Quit samefagging, CSF.
and if you're not CSF please don't do that

I always make my eggs scrambled and its getting really boring.

Any thing I can add to my eggs to make them better? Also I need more suggestions for breakfast in general

/k/ please leave and take this guy with you.

>>4342433
>>4342433
Honey
>>4342425
mora > cold steel

Any day, three times the knife for 1/4 the $

>>4341943
keep him
please
never let him come back

>>4342425
Go away, /k/, those of us who cook a lot like to use actual kitchen knives and not WalMart-tier utility knives.

>>4342035
fingers won't fit in the trigger guards.
the ham-fist makes a nice grip for the knife

>>4342447
>>4342447
Even on /k/ most think of cold steel as meh at best. I like morakniv for a cheaper and better blade. You think moras can be good for cooking? I use my cheap one for food all the time but i am not a chef. I wish i could get into some real cooking and not nuking crap straight from the freezer

>>4342370

I did that once as a really young kid, I have no idea what I was thinking. It's horrendous.

I also don't see why CSF, who has such a hard-on for knives, wouldn't want the sharp bite of delicious peppers with his eggs.

Though I'm a faggot who almost always puts my eggs in tortillas, which I, sometimes, make.

>>4342273
meri'PAT camo pattern
MURICA

>>4342464
Even if it's not ideal, suppose a knife is a knife in a pinch. You want finger clearance in a kitchen, though, or it's going to be painfully slow going. Suppose it'd work well enough as a pairing knife, though.

>>4342375
he's a 15 year old knife fag
one of canada's most shameful citizens.

>>4342487
Finger clearance? As in no finger guard? Guess i could use a mora classic but i wont buy a knife specifically to be brand loyal when anythin gin my kitche drawer works fine ya know?


Anyplace where i can learn some foods to make on the cheap thats more than cutting a slit in plastic and shoving it in microwave? I like fruits but there not much fun in preparing that either

>>4342491
First Justin Bieber and now this guy. WHY, CANADA, WHY?

>>4342494
No, as in an offset handle so you can chop and slice without having your knuckes hit the board.

And if you want to start cooking and do it on the cheap, look up slow cooker recipies. Ridiculously cheap, tasty, and require no finesse whatsoever. An actual slow cooker can be had for fairly cheap, or you can do them in the oven at low temperatures (250-275F in an oven is roughly equivalent to a slow cooker's high setting and 200-225F to its low setting) if you have oven-safe stainless steel pots with lids or cast iron cookware.

>>4342500
we hide all of our good talent in the woods,
send all the loud, annoying, and stupid ones to america.
keep the good ones to our selves, like les stroud and dan Mangan

>>4342367
>>4342370
Water is the proper way, and like I said, its just a little bit.
It fluffs up the scrambled eggs just like milk does, however the sugars in milk can cause the eggs to brown more easily, which is pretty amateur. Water also makes it fluffier from my experience.

I prefer milk with my hot chocolate but can deal with water if its all I have.

/k/ here. We're really, really sorry.

>>4341880
>bread not toasted
>mayo instead of butter

>>4342502
>>4342502
How cheap does it get?

Also toss me some simple things to start out with please? I would love a bit of guidance before mistakingly do something complicated and fuck it up

>>4342507
I stand corrected. Sorry i poked fun out of ignorance

>>4342517
You should be able to do just about anything with a few sides for under $3 a plate if you keep it simple.

Pork shoulder (often called picnic or Boston Butt) is one of the cheapest and also delicious. Rub one the night before with a paste of garlic, black pepper, fennel, olive oil, and dijon and leave it in the fridge. Take it out an hour before cooking the next day, put it in the cast iron on a bed of onion and apple with a quarter cup of water or cider vinegar, cover it, and cook it for 5 1/2 hours at 250F (for a 4lb shoulder) then take the cover off and raise the temp to 450F for 30 minutes.

Remove pork shoulder and let stand for five minutes. Puree the onions/apples/drippings to make a thick gravy. Serve with beans and rice, roast carrots or potatoes, or whatever else floats your boat.

Then take the bone out and next day throw the leftover pork back in the over for a few hours with some barbeque sauce and thin sliced onions and you've got pulled pork for sandwiches.

Beyond that, look up beef stews and just buy whichever beef is cheapest that week and cut it into cubes.

>has a roach in his kitchen
>doesn't make chinese food
This shit is fucking backwards.

>>4342543
Im sorry but can you cap your post and post it? I only have atablet and cant do that myself and i like your advice

>>4342527
Also to correct myself I probably shouldn't have called it the proper way, but rather a very similar and possibly better way. lol

>>4342549
Also, if you like fruit, look up Moroccan/North African stews and tagines. A lot are good for slow cookers and they use fruit a fair bit for sweet/savory.

>>4342568
>>4342568
Does the type of slow cooker i buy really matter? How much does one generally cost?

>>4342590

You don't need a slow cooker, you can simply use a pot with a well-fitting lid on the stove, or inside the oven.

If you do buy a slow cooker the usual caveats apply..the cheap ones are sometimes hard to clean and are of questionable durability, but there's not much of a difference as far as cooking capabilities.

>>4342598
Thanks i appreciate it.

Good luck riddin gyour board of the fatass. My advice is report every post as he is avoiding apermanent ban anyway

>>4342590
As long as it's got at least a 12 cup/7 quart-ish capacity (that sounds like a lot more than it is once you've shoved a pot roast in there) it's hard to go wrong. You can get one that should be more than sufficient for around $50, maybe less if you find a good sale.

>>4342344
Water? All you're doing there is making a mashed up omelette.

>144 posts

Tripfag wins.

>>4342430
Was a genuine thank-you.

>>4342439
I know about Mora, they make a knife for $3???

>>4342447
I've never been into /k/ dude.

Bumping a CSF thread