/ck/ - Food & Cooking

TOO SICK FOR SCHOOL, TOO SICK FOR COOKING

>family always loaf around in the kitchen, poking around, getting in the way, eating the ingredients, not washing their hands, getting hair everywhere during the awkward or boring part of the cooking process

>friend wants to borrow rosemary
>when friend returns rosemary, it's all broken
>friend says "It came like that"

>family tries to work you like you are working in a restaurant kitchen catering for a wedding

>>4723199
>family being indignant when you bill them 300€ for the wedding cakes

>mother yanks utensils and food out of my hands because "I'm not doing it right/fast enough"

>have all ingredients and necessary equipment out
>family walks in and tells me to cook differently, ruining my timing

>sticking their fingers into your food without washing their hands first
>don't even give opinion about taste

>>4723212
>niece sticks finger in cake batter all the time

>thinking latex gloves stay 100% clean after touching raw meat
>proceeds to open refrigerator doors and handle raw vegetables after touching raw meat

people need to stop thinking gloves are anti-viral/bacterial

TEACHER! TEACHER! Anon brought his George Foreman Grill to school!

>>4723230
>black people in school
I know it makes me a shitty person, but I am so so glad I had a school with seven darker skinned folk in it

>If the dish turns out to be good, you have to lick my pussy.

>family walks in during this part

> family blocks the stove/oven to see what I'm doing
> 'oh, sorry, am I in the way?'
> move away from stove to the only section of counterspace with mise on it
> 'oh, sorry'
> move back in front of the stove

goddammit.png

>"Anon, don't use hot sauce!"

As if I was cooking for you.

>>4723246
>family walks in while you are checking to see it if is boiling
>"you know a watched pot doesn't boil."
This is my face when they roll this joke out every time I go to boil pasta and shit. Like they wait outside the kitchen just to fuck with me.

>that person that can't even handle black pepper

>>4723275

> god, this is too spicy, what's in here?

White vinegar and onion.

>>4723276
I know this. It's kind of funny, in a sad way

>>4723257
Exact opposite problem.

>Look away for even a second.
>OPPORTUNITY.
>Like magic, someone ninja-teleports into the kitchen and starts tasting things.
>"This is too bland. Jesus, how can you eat this crap."
>Wait, no, don't you dare you stupid motherfucker-
>Too late.
>Dumps like half a bottle of their hot sauce in.
>Not good hot sauce or anything either. It's the shittiest and cheapest hot-sauce-resembling liquid that can be located.
>"There you go, that's the good stuff."

>>4723290

Do you live in a frat house, or does your family just have terrible taste?

>current roommates don't get in my way when I cook
>previous roommates didn't get in my way when I cooked
>family didn't get in my way when I cooked
>the folks I'm moving in with next are even more into cooking then I am, so if anyone will be getting in the way, it's me.
>feelsgoodman

Bonus: They're lactose intolerant, so nobody will steal my cheese.

>making a dish that requires frying or sauteeing anything
>it can be anything. I mean /anything/, from vegetables to meat to stir fry to bread, using oil or butter or fat
>GOD WHAT'S THAT AWFUL SMELL
>UGHHHH TURN ON THE FAN OVER THE STOVE
>WHAT ARE YOU FRYING, DOG TURDS???
>USE THE DAMN MICROWAVE LIKE A CIVILIZED PERSON
>every fucking time

This is the same guy who, when I was using my new teapot to brew loose leaf Assam, said it smelled like something a horse would leave on the side of the road.

>>4723294
I'm guessing he lives in a frat house. No one is actually that shitty outside of those walls.

>>4723266
at least they dont; "here, let me help you with that" *puts pasta in water that isnt yet boiling*

>just cut off the mold and it's fine. Don't you dare think about throwing it away.

>>4723336
>>just cut off the mold and it's fine

I did that once. Now I'm dead :(

>ordering Indian Hot in hopes of impressing a girl

>Fixing eggs
>Spray a little bit of PAM
>"Anon you need more than that! Here"
>Grabs it out of my hand and sprays all over the inside
>"There you go"
>PAM is literally rolling down the pan and collecting at the bottom

>Finish cooking eggs
>Dad walks in
>"Shit, Anon way to shit up the house"
Every time, without fail

>>4723305

stop being a stinking dothead then

> younger sibling decides to prepare food at the same time I am
> "anon, which one is the tablespoon?"
> "do i have to look parallel to the wet measuring cu for it to be accurate?"
> "does the water really have to boil?"
> "taste this, is it good? Should i put ketchup on it?"

Please, I am standing within reach of many knives and holding a pan with hot oil in it, do go on with your questions.

>mom said its my turn to cook

>>4723392

> little brother, stop being interested in the things I am interested in plz, pick a different way of trying to build a relationship with me I just want to have this ramen and get back to the basement

>>4723232
It makes you more of a sheltered person, actually.

>>4723336
That's fuzzy. That might make a nice pillow for an ebay sale.

>tfw your younger brother borrows your stove and pans
>tfw he returns them a week later and they are all cracked
>tfw you noticed he overwrote all your save data

>>4723413
>letting your younger bro take advantage of you
>letting him near your computer
>not beating the shit out of him

>>4723391
The fuck are you talking about? I did a ribeye (it was good quality too, so I didn't use any seasoning other than salt/pepper/ground thyme) in butter with my cast iron skillet the other day and he whined like a goddamn baby about the stink the entire time. He's 53 and he throws fits like a toddler.

>>4723399
Maybe he just loves ya.

>>4723419
Maybe he's a flamboyant but closited homosexual?

I thought I was on /v/ for a second.

>family cuts slices out of the cake before it's even cooled down enough to frost

>>4723397

Am I on /v/?

>alright bro, you can use the sink now.

>Wearing mom's apron again, Anon?

>>4723427
It could be worse, it could be my little pony straight from bronycon

>>4723436
Dude, I'd take that as a compliment since she was a professional chef, the restaurant owned by my dad.

>wanting to cook something because you saw it in a work of fiction

>you have been banned from the kitchen for the following reason:
>using more than one pot to cook a single dish

>>4723440
Fuck you, i'm still going to try to make butterbeer.

>>4723441
Is this a thing? I usually use two or three pots.

>being neat as possible while preparing food
>suddenly get votekicked out of the kitchen
>"Why did you kick him out?"
>"No reason. I just didn't like him"

>>4723440
If you're going to tell me you never wanted to recreate any of the Redwall recipes after reading the series then I'm going to call you a fucking liar.

>sister offers to cook dinner for family
>doesn't want anyone helping her
>she has to stir something in a pot while it simmers
>"BRB smoke"
>doesn't come back until after she finishes smoking and food ends up overcooked

>>4723436
>Well do YOU want to be washing my shirt afterwards?

>work in a kitchen
>go on break
>coworkers outside talking about getting high after work

>>4723445
It's disgusting and not worth the effort.

>>4723459
that's every job, ever.

>talk to your friend about your favorite foods
>every time you visit him he cooks one of your favorite foods for you
>there's always something wrong like it's either too spicy, too greasy, too overcooked, too undercooked, etc
>don't say anything because don't want to be mean

>>4723466
>Not saying anything

Be constructive damnit or else he'll never get better.

>>4723454
I have the series until half blood prince. I can honestly say that I do/did not want to recreate anything.

>cook for family
>"this is very good"
>no recommendation about how to improve

>>4723471
hlaf-blood prince is harry potter, not redwall.

>>4723459
>works in kitchen
>isn't on drugs and/or booze

wtf are you doing in a kitchen m8?

>"Oh hey! It's Chef Anon! haha. Your girlfriend must be very happy to have a good cook like you as her boyfriend."

>>4723473
The start of this branching conversation was butter beer which was in Harry Potter. I thought Redwall was that dumpy place that the wizards went to in wizard land.

>parents insist on having a bunch of plants and ornaments on the kitchen counter
>never have enough room to prepare anything

>>4723487
naw that was hogsmeade

redwall is the titular abbey in a completely unrelated series

>>4723459

> work in kitchen
> not even on break, still standing on line
> boss goes to get coffee from FoH
> everyone else: 'so are we going to smoke tonight or what? I'm out right now so I need to make some calls to see if I can get some stuff'
> repeat
> don't do any prep between now and close
> 'oh, yeah, sorry, you need to do a bunch of stuff before service tomorrow morning because I didn't have time'
> later, bust my balls tomorrow about there not being enough mise ready to go for your lazy ass because I already had to do a bunch of extra shit to make up for your fucking around
> mfw

>cooking dinner peacefully
>room mate comes out and decides to cook at the same time as me
>keeps getting in the way
>burn my garlic and overcook my chicken

>>4723491

My grandparents are visiting. They picked the exact moment that my steak hit the pan to start making tea and scruitinize how clean everything is (verdict: I keep things pretty clean). Instead of a mid-rare steak tonight, I had mid-well steak. Thank fuck I was able to sneak in there and put a pat of butter on top so it didn't get dry as fuck. Rage.

>>4723488
my god this shit every time i have to roll out dough or something i have to move like 8 or 10 jars and shit just to get it to the right size

>>4723487
Redwall's a completely different series though.

>Hey, son! You cooking?

>cooking pizza
>open oven too fast with my face over it
>wave of steam melts my flesh off and boils my eyes
>"hey son, are ya winnin?"
Bonus points if they yell at me for yelling about my steam induced injuries.

>>4723563
>open oven while wearing glasses
>all that steam shooting out
>fogs glasses
>stub toe on fridge

You know, all these greentexts would be solved if you guys had a backbone. Or a better circle of friends.

>>4723563
>using steam to cook

>Mom and grandma are done 'cooking'
>Get all my shit going
>Mom comes in with the plates after 10 minutes and starts doing the dishes IMMEDIATELY
Mom I'm kind of busy and I need to use the sink can you just leave that stuff
"But I want to get it done I'm tired"
>She doesn't work or do anything all day so I don't know how she's tired
Mom just leave it in the sink and I'll do it for you after I'm done
"No no I've got it"
>Grandma comes in, sort of shuffles around doing god knows what as slow as possible
>Mom complains about the heat and the garlic smell
>Burnt onions, dry meat, fucked sauce

I need to move out

Just last week
>go to the butcher
me >"I'll have some lamb neck chops please"
butcher >"how many you cooking for?"
me > "four"
>go home with a shit load of lamb neck, freeze most of it and cook for myself and eat the leftovers for 3 days.

>>4723424
gays have better taste than that.

>mfw

>>>/v/205371158

>>4723629

both boards are pretty much the same. Hobby boards are pretty much the game.

Art, Music, videogames, cooking, etc

>>4723488

>family insists on having lamps, decorations, a radio, etc on counter at all times.
>try to make a sandwich
>grandma rushes in OH GOD ANON WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE A MESS IT WILL GET EVERYWHERE AND ALL OVER EVERYTHING
>grandmother stops me from making sandwich and proceeds to move everything off counter, takes about 10 minutes of work to relocate everything
>ok now you can work
>hovers while I put a fucking piece of ham and cheese between bread
>takes 2 minutes
>come back to her bleaching the table and boiling water to clean up after sandwich making

this is why I don't cook when she's around. ever. I only eat at night after she's gone to sleep.

>>4723633
/ck/ is special. We have a goddamn community here and we are nice. So I suggest you kindly GTF........s-sorry, I don't mean that really. Please make yourself comfortable and enjoy the fruits of our.....gardens. We want to help you with your foods and cookings. If you like ramen and fast food we are experts there too, just make yourself comfortable.

>making beef stroganoff
>father comes in, complains at me to not put sour cream in it
>it's homemade creme fraiche that I made just for this
>he's never even tried sour cream
Both my parents do this when I cook for them. It's always something. They act like little babies and cry that they think it'll hurt their stomach no matter what it is or how little sense it makes. Am I the only one that gets really offended when people have to have this or that taken out or smother everything in fucking ketchup/mustard/mayo and won't just eat the damn food I cooked? It's not like I'm a terrible cook or something.

>12 year old sister says she's vegetarian now and refuses to eat the 30 dollar salmon/ expensive steaks my dad cooks excellently while telling them to shut up
>mfw my parents get mad at me for telling her shes being stupid and say they'll make her vegetarian lunches from now on when she doesn't even like vegetables in the first place

That thread on the first page is really pissing me off

>adds salt/pepper before tasting the food

>>4723303
>living with non europeans

>>4723771
>she doesn't even like vegetables in the first place
What is she going to eat, then? Twinkies and soy bacon?

>>4723776
She just doesn't eat, maybe cereal and popcorn. Hope it's just a phase

>family walks in during the part you have to move around quickly at
>alternating between chopping and sauteing and they decide to open up the pantry right above your cutting board
it's a medium sized kitchen
what even the heck

>>4723821
Throw the /fit/ diet basics at her along with a "If you don't at least follow this, you can't be a vegetarian or even live." she'll give up in a week

>>4723616
>neck fillet kebabs

>>4723883
Lamb neck is a great cut, I just felt the sadness wash over me when I bought 2 kilo of it, I live alone.

>>4723863
Yeah at the end of the day she's just spoiled and won't eat anything at all as most kids do. I brought up that she has to like vegetables to eat vegetables and she said "whatever ill just eat tofu". Definitely confirmed rebellious phase but fuck you raw vegan culture for poisoning her underdeveloped child brain.

>>4723402
sheltered from what? crime and violence? I love when poor people try to claim that living in shit conditions makes you "cultured".

>>4723490
Complete opposite where I work. The day time people don't fucking do anything.. kitchen is dirty as shit at 5pm, nothing is prepped, and then we do all their prepping the night before. Fucking lazy faggots.

>>4723214
>not sticking your dick in it first so you have no fucks

>>4723475
>>4723490
>>4723475
God damn Americans and their incessant drug abuse, giving the whole profession a terrible reputation. No wonder your food is horrible and your hall staff incompetent. Everyone's high or zoned on something. Zero professionalism.

>>4723595
>>open oven while wearing glasses
>>all that steam shooting out
>>fogs glasses
>the surface coating on the glasses melts instaneously, creating a fractured cloudy irrepairable surface on them
>300€ for new glasses

>>4723896
Sheltered from reality, hun. The one adults live in, where they have to give up their home-made preconceptions that are incompatible with the world we live in. You'd be amazed how much confused, limiting bullshit you carry along in your head about different races, ethnicities, nationalities, faiths and whatever demographics other than your own, just because you've never really had to go outside your little niche.

Having gone to a school with a significant black student population just might have made you a decent person, for example, rather than a confused, crazy right-winger cardboard cutout.

>cook the simplest, most mundane dish
>mom: wow anon youre such an incredible cook you should open a restaurant youre so talented
every single time

>>4723949
They're trying to boost your low self esteem.
You should let them.

>>4723563

>taking a pizza out of the oven for the first time
>straight on the rack
>don't bother pulling out the tray a bit
>try reaching the back of it with a knife to slide it forward
>graze the top coils
>spasm in pain, pizza slides onto bottom coils
>I'm freaking out while the pizza is catching fire

>>4723949
> fuck off mother don't you understand we live on the edge here mother stop being nice to me mother I'm a man now mother

>>4723943
>being this jewish

back to the ovens, kike

>>4723776
cock

lots and lots of cock

>making pasta sauce
>while tomatoes are roasting roommate walks in
>compliments me on how it smells
>an hour later serve the pasta
>get anal from roommate
>roommate actually wife
This happened last night. Gonna try making a Caesar salad tonight and see what happens.

>>4723454
MAH NIGGA, basil would be proud

>>4723616
Those of us living with our parents are having trouble sympathizing.

>>4723685
This is pretty much every American over 50 or so. The baby boomers have just about the worst taste of anyone.

Not even halfway through this thread and I cannot believe how many of you let people walk all over you like that.

What pussies.

>>4723943
You obviously didn't grow up around blacks.

Blow it out your ass.

>>4723482
This would be true if my girlfriend weren't a picky bitch so I just don't bother cooking for her most of the time.

>>4723445
>butterbeer.
Like the Mongolian drink?
Airag I think it's called.

>>4724101
He means the harry potter drink. There was also a guy who made scottish milk alcohol (blaand) but I think he went out of business.

>>4724113
Oh, I guess that's what I get for not reading fantasy much.

>>4723970
I laughed way too much at this.

anyone have that video of a kid trying to sound like spongebob and he's making a how to video of how to make a krabby patty?

>>4724616
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KofI6ocTLE8

>>4724815

thank you

>want to grill hamburgers with friends
>they possiblity of making your own instead of buying pre-made is compeltely out of the question

>tfw i dont know how to cook and came here from a different board

>What should we make for dinner?
>I know this great soup recipe, we could-
>No, I don't like soup

You don't like "soup".

>>4724873

That feel.
My girlfriend claims to not like "pie"

Fucking pie.

Every time she says it i punch her in the baby

>>4724900
I'm not a big fan of pie either. Or brownies. Or cake (especially blocks of chocolate cake). Yuck.

>>4724905
You are assuming it is dessert pie. For no good reason. You deserve a punch in the baby.

>>4724900
Pies are a pretty shit meal though. It's usually more trouble getting through the pastry, and you never get enough pie filling to match expectations.

I think the pie concept is like michelin star food, it's good to look and experience its presentation, but eating it is unsatisfying and not filling.

>>4724900
>>4724936
Go home, Dane Cook. You are drunk.

>>4724076
I agree with this. Unless you're my grandmother or the person I make my rent checks out to, I will ask you to not fuck around the kitchen while I cook. Or better yet, go over there and chop these onions for me.

>>4723445
They have that at Harry Potter world in Universal Studios. It's pretty much just liquid butterscotch.

>>4723482
*slowly backs away and hides*

>rabbit starvation

>better get used to doing the dishes, Mr. Chef

>wow that looks tasty anon

>you're making soup anon?
>i don't like soup

>>4725515

A reason why I hate cooking while others are in the house. Can't sit down to eat after cooking something cause someone will go into the kitchen and complain about a mess.

>>4723253

>housemate stands and eats cereal in the kitchen while I'm cooking
>In front of the stove, oh sorry, i'm in the way
>moves to the counter, oh oops, let me move for you anon
>back in front of the stove, oh fuck, I'm in the way aren't I
>in front of the pantry, i need to get spices...

JUST GET OUT, GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN, WHY DO YOU NEED TO EAT YOUR FUCKING CEREAL STANDING IN THE KITCHEN EVERY DAMN DAY I'M GOING TO FUCKING STAB YOU

at this point I think he's doing it for kicks, or I'm managing to appear less angry than I actually get.

>that's not what the recipe says

>>4725704
I like to do it because it bothers you

>>4725707

I knew it...

>>4725704
Just spray him with water.

>>4723459
That's all my coworkers ever talk about, is getting high. It's seriously ridiculous, I didn't realize the 420blazeitfaggot stereotype existed irl until I started working in a kitchen. good thing they work the night shifts, if they worked in the morning nothing would ever get done. I'm always the only one willing to come in at 8 and prep everything, besides the head chef.

>>4725814
ur so speshul

>>4726003
Drug addicts like you disgust me. The bane of honest working people, and enemies of society. You should all be exiled to mexico, in exchange for hard-working messicans.

>>4723482
That guy in the back

He has a faggot face

I want to punch him in his faggot fucking face why does that smile piss me off so much

>>4723185
>There's no reason to cook it for that long, Anon. Just cook it on the pan.
Later
>If only I could get my steaks more tender

>>4723392
>Not answering your sibling's questions to the best of your abilities
>Pushing away a person who genuinely looks to you for guidance

>>4723399
this

>>4726037
nah, man, nah

>>4726078
If your family can't cook a tender steak on the pan, they aren't worth saving.

>>4726037
Make it happen, Obama.

>>4723257
>>4723266
>>4723290
>>4723305
>>4723387
I would literally murder each and every one of the people described in these posts.
Shit, I couldn't even keep going through the thread all at once, as the sheer amount of rage would actually cause me physical harm.

>family receives $4000 grill
>use some shitty cheap one that we've had for years instead

I don't get it

>>4726352
God damnit when I read "grill" I thought of "girl" instead of an actual "grill".

>mom tries to help every time I'm doing something awkward involving moving things from the oven/pan ect.
>thinks she's helping
>nine times out of ten she ends up getting in my way and causing me to get burned
>get mad at her and tell her to get out of my way because pain is making me angry
>feel bad because I yelled at her
>feel even worse because she was honestly just trying to help

>>4723189
I spit up water at that picture.

Fuck you

>make something for others to eat
>don't eat it

>make something for myself
>don't put any hot shit in it son. I want to eat too

>>4726387
Haha. You kill me, little buddy.

>best flavor never wins

>tries to make steak rare
>TOO SLOW

>>4723771

>15 year old sister goes vegetarian
>parents too stupid to see that she's actually starving herself

I considered telling them but my parents hate me anyway.

>>4724087
to /pol/ with you

>>4726585
back to /v/ with you.

>>4723997
is your ass still sore?

>>4725704
Grab him by the hair and slam his face on the stove.
Or just this >>4725808

>>4725704
Hilarious

happened a couple of years back but
>Have nice new grill assmbled
>Lovely, plump (now Ex-) girlfriend mastering the grill
>Me playing host
> "That Guy" and his "That girl" Girlfriend show up
> "Hey Anon why no hotdogs or hamburgers?"
>"We have Chicken and Stakes That Guy"
> "well that girl doesn't eat those at BBQ's"
> Lovable Asshole speaks "WE HAVE CHICKEN YOU ISOLATE FOOL!"
> "Well Anon I am gonna go to the store and get some
>comes back later with his prepackaged crap and predicts to almost get set ablaze by my grill, My GF takes over and schools the hell out of him
> everyone is his amused

It always weird me out, Him and His G/f are so like sensitive to new foods and shit, I almost never invite them to stuff anymore

>offer to make food for friends
>they hover around as you cook
>feelslikejudging.png

>>4726725
>Hey host of the part I was invited to and offered free food, why didn't you assume my girlfriend is picky and buy the food she likes?
I guess I could understand someone not liking meat too much, and eating a hot dog. But, how can they like a hamburger, but not chicken?

>>4723392
why are you such a dick to your lil bro

>>4723597
>If you guys have tons of dollars, confidence, normal loving families and friends who hates materialism you would have great lifes

No fuckin shit sherlock

My story:
>My mother cooks decent food sometimes
>Most of the times she use different spices for SAME recipe
>So one time she will make good spagheti, shitty disgusting spaghetti 3 times in a row and good spagheti again
>For every critism I get yellet at: MAKE YOUR OWN FOOD OR FUCK OFF
> So I do, I dont eat her food and cook my own
>Life taste better

>>4726632
>doesn't understand english

>>4723943
>The one adults live in, where they have to give up their home-made preconceptions that are incompatible with the world we live in

Have you met many adults

>>4725096
>chop these onions for me.
>uneven chunks ranging from mush to thumbnail size

>>4725704
knock the bowl out of his hands

>>4726069
no dude, the teenager up front
would commit statutory rape
>during regular rape

>>4726069
>>4726869
>>4723482
>those photos on the table

Those guys live together and are a happy couple. They probably decorated that room together.

>>4726884
bitch i'm talking about braces

get your faggot shit out of here

>>4726890
I thought you were talking about the guy in >>4726869 and I thought you were gay. So, everything made since in that respect.

What I don't get is if you are gay, why would you want to have sex with the girl? Unless you are a woman of course.

>>4726896
i'm a straight male

>>4726362
That's sad, Batman. But hey, she hasn't been shot by anyone yet, right?

>>4723943
Yes, because crime statistics are on your side.

Have you ever met any of the wide variety of "urban youths" who consider themselves "real niggas" on the basis of violence and drug trafficking? Probably not, because I sure as shit have.

>>4723482

I fucking hate seeing people take photos like that

>cooking garlic on lowest of low heat
>step away for a few seconds to take a leak
>come back, heat is half way up
>garlic practically brown and burnt
>drunk roommate:
>IT WASN'T COOKING FAST ENOUGH BRUH

Also
>making pasta salad for cookout
>other drunk roommates pour olive oil in the salad
>wat
>everybody at the bbq told me that the salad tasted a little bland
>rage

To be fair I was also drunk for both of these.

>>4727125
>not praying roomate with water
>not spiking his booze with poison

"Calm down, Anon, it's just food"

>cooking for roommates
>making teriyaki salmon
>one friend says he never tried fish ever on anything
>offer him salmon
>no i know i won't like it
>he does this shit for mushrooms too

how can you just dismiss an entire group of meats based on never trying it?

>Back when I was 12 and started being interested in cooking
>be making donut holes
>my mom walks downstairs, no glasses on and tired as fuck
>"ANON WHAT ARE YOU DOING"
>making donut holes
>"LET ME HELP"
>okay fine
>walks over to the batter
>dips her finger in it
>"TOO LIQUIDY"
>dumps a shitload of flour into it
>"TOO DRY"
>keeps dumping other ingredients into it while I tell her to kindly stop over and over again
>end up with this huge fucking bowl of batter
>added way too much milk and it turned watery again
>screaming for her to stop at this point
>there's batter almost pouring out of the bowl
>she says that she's tired and walks back upstairs and sleeps
>meanwhile, the kitchen flour is covered in flour, milk, and batter
>nearly crying as I clean most of the kitchen up while there's no more flour or milk to even make the batter with
>get fed up and go read a book in my room

She came downstairs half an hour later and realized what she did and made batch of them from scratch when I was reading though, and they were fantastic. Sat together and filled them up with jelly.

Sorry for blog.

>>4727188
your mom has mental problems

please tell me she is medicated or in an institution

>>4727196

Medicated + Tired from working two nights in a row + No glasses on (she's legally blind)

>>4727188
at least she realized she was an asshole
she sounds pretty cool, in a weird way

>>4727212

She is cool, she always sends me bottles of homemade jam

>repeatedly mess up timing due to holding off on cool/dramatic steps until somebody walks by/through the kitchen

>>4727277
.....why would you do that

>>4727277
Dumb faggot.

>I'm the only one that ever cleans the kitchen, nobody else lifts a finger to help.
>People always throwing shit on the counters and not cleaning up after themselves, I have to take two hours every day cleaning their messes.
>One day the counter is literally covered in food and garbage, so I clean it. I go down the next morning and it's somehow worse than it was.
>I finally have enough of it. I decide to only clean what mess I leave. Within a week, every dish, utensil, and cooking implement is dirty stacked in the sink, the counters are completely full of shit, and the kitchen is 3/4 full of just trash, with piles almost 4 feet tall.
>MFW they complain.

>>4723225
MY FAMILY IS FF*F*I RETARDED LIKE THIS

Alright, how many of you in here are from /v/?

>>4727499
>implying that anyone here is from ONLY ONE BOARD
>i visit /v/ /ck/ /tg/ for choice adventure games /b/ is taken over by terrible people. (i miss when it used to be good)

>>4727511
/b/ was never good

if you think it ever was that shows how summer you are

>>4727514
you didn't watch enough on /b/ to see the few times it was actually good

>when they say they don't want any of what you're making only to secretly take your leftovers you made for one serving.

>owns various cookbooks but still uses recipes from only and hardly touches the cookbooks

>family member cooking food that is served over rice, Indian, Chinese, South East Asian, etc.
>"shit anon, I'm swamped, could you make the rice?"
>make rice with the rice cooker
>eating
>this is very good. Anon, you did a good job with the rice it's delicious

>Cooking flat steaks in the cast iron pan for friend and I
>Anon why are you putting olive oil on there now you're just going to put more in the pan
>Anon why did you crack peppercorns on that don't use the good pepper for those
>Don't use all those spices for just those steaks
>Anon don't put those in the fridge, you'll get us all sick (they were in freezer bags marinating)
>Anon are you going to cook those or let them rot on the counter (while letting them get to room temp)
>Anon you need to cook those longer you only had like a minute or two on each side
>Anon just because you cooked them doesn't mean you can let them sit there all night

>>4727125
>walking away from cooking garlic

>>4728404
You're upset about a complement?

>Girlfriend made "Taco soup" tonight
>Two onions, one stalk of celery, one carrot
>two cans of tomato sauce, two chicken baked chicken breasts
>Several spoonfuls of cumin
>Every spoonful is nothing but onion
>"Do you like it?"
>Feign satisfaction "It sure is good!"

I hate it when she cooks. Last time she make "Jamaican jerk burgers." Baked half pound meatloaf like patties covered in store bought jerk spice. Impossible to eat, burger falls apart.

>>4728404
Get complement be mad

>earmark of a real asshole

>>4723305
I KNOW THAT FUCKING FEEL

>>4723205
jesus dick this is fucked

>>4728481
Tell her it sucks fag.

Things that annoy me in my house...
>Flames too high
>Flames too low
>Don't use that utensil with that pan
>Don't use that pan with that utensil
>It's cooking for too long
>It's not cooked enough
>Steak tastes wonderful, but needs ketchup
>Why are you using -insert ingredient here-? That's supposed to be for another meal
>People in the kitchen
>People in the kitchen making fuckloads of noise
>People in the kitchen commenting on how some foods are only for lunch, breakfast, dinner
>People in the kitchen who get the idea that I need help
>People who get pissed because I buy my own ingredients
>People who think I won't clean up after myself and insist on telling me to clean
>The same people who tell me to be clean, than make a mess without cleaning
Think that's it, my family annoys.

>>4723305
I fucking love when people who aren't even cooking act like your sous chef
>Those don't look done!
>You're cooking at too high of a heat!
>did you put that in yet?
>Why is there so much smoke coming from that?
>You're gonna burn that!

even worse is if they aren't even going to be eating what your making.

>>4728526
I'd rather choke down hot V8 than deal with a crying girl all night

>>4728481
Why can't you just be honest with her?

I hope you don't plan on marrying her. A woman who can't cook is useless.

>most awkward part of the cooking process

like when you're jerking off onto (aka marinading) the chicken thighs. or stuffing the steaks up your anus to "seal in the flavor"?

>>4728481
>tfw bf cant cook or feed himself
>tfw without me he'd be dead since he only weighs 90 lbs
>can't even lift a boiling pasta pot to drain into sink
>tfw no foodie bf to cook with at night

>>4727188
awww, that's a sweet story. +1

>>4724815
sea pickels im laughing so hard fuc

>>4728546

Bet ur fat tho.

>>4727188
Aww I was so ready to be mad, then that nice twist ending :')

>>4728481
>Two onions, one stalk of celery, one carrot

Jesus christ, was this your girlfriend?

>>4723482
>>4724090


>Generally make decent food
>friends will go"Oh anon's gf! you're pretty lucky you have such a good cook for a boyfriend!"
>gf: "oh yeah its fantastic!"

When my friends aren't around:
> gf: noooooooo why did you add x ingredient i dont like that
> can't you just make x and y again and again
> ughhhhhhhhhhh cant we just get mcdonalds

I broke up with her.

>>4723336
my parents are the exact opposite

>the second anything goes past the "sell by" date
>IT'S BAD THROW IT AWAY WE CAN'T EAT IT
>Fucking thing is still three-fourths full/barely eaten

Sell by =/= eat by

>>4728481
At least she's trying. Teach her shit brah

>Sister cooks
>Says she'll clean the pans
>Barely puts any effort in, still tons of shit stuck to everything
>Pull pan back out a couple days later to make eggs
>Remnants have dried and become cement

>cut up 15 cloves of garlic for a recipe on Friday
>hands still smell like garlic today

>housemate walks in
>"hey anon smells good"
>yeah, i'm cooking [anything], want some?
>"no thanks im not hungry"
>he leaves house
>comes back 15 minutes later with McDonald's bag

>>4729623
>delicious smelling hands for days

>>4723969
Did you died?

>Making desserts is what I do best
>no one gets in my way
>my roommates won't get in my way at college
>I feel like a patient god in the kitchen

>ANON WHY IS YOUR KITCHEN COUNTER SO EMPTY!!! I AM GOING TO THE STORY TO BUY A BUNCH OF PLANTS, PLACEMENTS, AND JUNK TO PUT ON YOUR COUNTER EVEN THOUGH I AM JUST VISITING YOUR HOUSE FOR 3 DAYS

I don't like going to potlucks because I don't trust others to be clean. Especially when these people have their kids help them make the food.

>cooking
>father comes in
>damn this knife is scratched
>starts sharpening the knife
>less than a meter behind me

>family always getting me gadgets
>ninja
>it's perfect
>thought it broke but it didn't
>receive a newer model
>give parents the old, nice one
>new one looks like a monster
>spend 10 minutes trying to figure it out without the manual
>you have to have the handle to the front right and line up a magnetic strip on the lid to bypass the saftey locks
>hmmm i think i will blend this smoothie
>THE SQUEAL OF 1000 BANSHEES AS THE 747 THAT IS MY BLENDER TAKES FLIGHT
>MACERATES THE SMOOTHIE
>comes out great

holy shit if i wanted a blender that loud i would get a gas one. i'm lucky no one called the cops for a domestic disturbance

>using that scruby metal thing to clean the skillet

>>4723397
LOL

>>4731341
>Without the manual
Why

>>4723943
fucking retard

>>4728404
But that actually makes sense. It seems like 2 out of 3 times anyone I know makes rice, they fuck it up. Too much salt, too little, overcooked, undercooked - it just seems like the correct balance is harder to strike with rice than with, say, pasta or potatoes. When I get rice that is actually perfectly done, I appreciate the shit out of it.

>>4733042
I just throw it in the rice cooker and press a button...

>Cooking dinner
>Roommate "Hey anon, could I maybe get in on that?"
>Every night.
>I'm fine with it, actually, EXCEPT
>If I am doing the cooking for both of us, I expect him to do the dishes after. That seems fair to me.
>The dude fucking hates doing dishes.
>He has now taken to going into the kitchen while I cook, to stir pots I do not want him to stir, and incessantly ask if there is something he can help with, while chatting and drinking beers
>This is all a ploy
>A ploy to get him out of doing the dishes.
>" We both cooked, so we do the dishes together"
>Proceed to drink beer and stand around holding a wiping cloth while I do all the dishes

He is a nice guy, and good company. He's just incredibly, willfully lazy around the house.

>>4733098
Leave dirty dishes in the sink, then when he comes in while you're cooking ask him to do dishes if he wants to eat.

>>4733098
he never asked you to cook in the first place
His perspective:
>aww shit anon is randomly cooking again now he is going to make me wash those dishes AGAIN
>if i have to wash one more dish im gunna call a taxi and move out of here
>hmm, i can help anon cook, and be nice and we can both wash dishes together while laughing and talking about nice things.

>>4723440
>Fucking Hannibal

>Cooking tuna steak
>Sear it quickly both sides, slice it up
>Father walks in, tries to educate me that all rare meat is bad for you

I've given up on that front.

>>4733149
No, and I never made him eat my food. If I do not cook, he eats pizza or stuff that can go directly from freezer to oven or microwave.

I just cook sometimes, and he usually asks if he can have some. I'm fine with him eating my food, I enjoy the company, I just expect him to do the dishes, if he wants in on the food. Otherwise I'll just refrigerate my leftovers and clean my own shit up.
Basically, help with the work if you want to reap the benefits. When we "both" wash dishes, de facto, I wash dishes. When we "both" cook, de facto, I cook.

>>4729623
Stainless Steel will get rid of the odor if you don't want it

>>4723932
anon please
http://www.zennioptical.com/

don't you feel stupid now?

>>4723928
how else do you think people work 12 hour shifts 6 days a week do it...rainbows and good feelings?

It's cocaine and marijuana, or alcohol and tobacco.

Either way you are poisoning yourself, it's why I left the kitchen industry, it wasn't healthy.

I enjoy cooking again.

>>4733171
it sounds like your just torturing the poor guy...

just be like whatever... peace :)

>>4733149

>tfw you want to shittalk your roommate but you're pretty sure he browses this board

>>4733709

>wants to shittalk roommate
>on the internet
>still too beta to actually do it.

sounds like you're the burden, not he.

>get fed up with roommate never washing the dishes
>decide to only wash my dishes and hide them in my room
>sink is full of his dirty dishes
>there are no more clean dishes to eat from
>he takes a dirty dish from the sink and eats his food from it

>dad always comes in and tells me what to do
>you should do it like this this is how my mom used to do it
>s-shut up dad I'm 21 I'm not a child anymore!!!
Ugh should've never moved home.

>>4733042
He didn't cook the rice though, the rice cooker did. It wasn't possible for him to fuck up. That's what he's getting at.

>>4723332
I do this all the time, why the hell should I wait for the water to boil.?

>>4733293

buying glasses online is great, so much money saved.

>live with qt gf who's italian mother taught her amazing cooking skills
>take turns trying to out do each other's dishes

feels nice.

>>4733883

>only own a single good sized glass bowl with a sealable lid, and a spoon
>eat all meals directly from it, whether they are solids/soups/etc
>rinse out after eating and store in my room
>roommates demand I wash dishes as part of "chore sharing"
>tell them to get fucked since I never use their dishes

>making an omelette
>mixing eggs together, mom wants an omelette after I finish mine
>she puts pan on the stove, then puts oil on it
>have to eat oily omelette instead of fluffy, buttery omelette

>>4734111
Get out.

>>4734972
you get out, anon has the right to cook their pasta any way they want.

>mfw my cousin who is 16 almost 17 is trying to learn to cook
>all he knows how to make is scrambled eggs pancakes french toast grilled cheese and mac and cheese
>only things he knows about using the stove
>Mother won't teach him
>Brother is too much of a neckbeard anime obsessed faggot to help
>Grandpa has better things to do
>Dad has no time for him
>mfw I live far away so I can't teach him

He eats almost everything except riccota which is hilarious since he is half Italian.

but anyways
I have this one douche I lived with.
He had 5 rules of cooking.

No nuts (allergic got it)
No hots (chilis hot sauce etc)
No Fish (would not touch a fish since it was quote "Pansy Food")
and finally the one thing I hated him
>No homemade sauces
Literally made tons of homemade sauces when he wasn't around and stored them in my mini fridge so I had them to cook.

He didn't even know.

>>4735589
Why the fuck would someone have a rule against homemade sauces? What was his reasoning?

>>4735599
I have no idea when ever I asked he told me to shut up and deal with it. I have a feeling he had a very bad experience with it. almost like my friend and onions.

>>4735604
He didn't try to enforce these rules on what YOU ate, did he?

>>4735608
Nope if he did I would of moved out sooner.

>>4724815
omg every second hurts

>>4733889
3edgy5u

>>4723185

Does that situation turn you on, OP?

>>4724815
What the fuck is he doing?

>>4735806
Making a Krabby Patty.

>>4723482
>what I'll have to look forward to


>tfw line cook
>tfw walk outside in uniform and people always refer to you as chef
>tfw you just wish just once someone would ask if you're a prep or line cook and you could have a normal fucking conversation about working in a kitchen with someone

fuck man. I wish I could begin to convince people I'm a chef.

>>4723887
I'll live with you anon... if you live in NYC that is.
>>4734895
very likely.
your first problem is that you're from the UK though.

>>4724815
What the fuck is up with his voice? This video, Jesus.

>>4729623
Rub your hands on the metal parts of your sink. It neutralizes bad smell since its stainless steel. It works like those steel soaps.

>>4723471
My father, every single time.

"How was it?"
"Good."
"What does that mean?"
"It was good. I liked it."

At least I'll admit when my own food sucks. But he'll just roll with it unless it is truly atrocious.

>>4727167
I used to be like this when I was a kid

At restaurants I always wanted chicken, every single time

Then this one time in Italy my parents ordered for me and told me it was chicken but they actually ordered fish

I had no idea until they told me when we finished eating

>>4726825
>mom in charge of making dinner
>always asks me to rate /10 how her food was
>one time the meal smells literally like vomit
>it's edible, but can't get passed that awful smell
>rate it 2/10 or something
>she's all angry because she "worked hard on this dinner" etc etc.
>it was Hamburger Helper

>roommate makes anything
>leftovers stay in fridge for eternity

>>4736690
>make spaghetti every week, always have sauce in fridge
>"How long has that been in there?"

>>4736714
>not labelling when you made each jar

I don't either. I just look for mold. If there's none it's still fresh.

>making food
>bf comes in
>starts grabbing and pinching and flirting and shit
>tending a hot stove, chopping something, some hazardous kitchen task, jerking around because he keeps trying to put his hand between my legs or grope my ass
>every goddamn time

God damn it, I keep telling him to fucking stop, and I really suspect it's going to be one or both of us getting 3rd degree burns or losing a fingertip before he gets the message.

>>4736760

dont forget pulling your pants/shorts down if possible. i always do this stuff to my grill

>>4723482
"Actually, she was an ungrateful harpy who cheated on me with my former friend Derek. The position's currently open, if either of you ladies would like to procure the services of a sexual tyrannosaur with culinary skills."

>>4723510
>letting your grandparents force you out of the kitchen while you're in the middle of cooking a steak
>being this beta
Pic related, it's my opinion of you. Man up, or stop preparing your steaks in a kitchen the size of a fucking thimble, you inept fucking donkey.

>>4727376
"Don't try to blame me for your mistakes or your bad behavior. Blame yourselves or God."

>>4735589
>No nuts
>No hots
>No Fish
>No homemade sauces
What the fuck was the fifth rule of cooking? Oh, wait, it's listed right here.
>The abovequoted poster is a blatant, disease-ridden homosexual deviant.

>>4725705
>Did you look up the recipe?
no, its not that hard to make. It's pretty simple so
>well if you don't know how to make it how do you know your making it right
right....because everyone had a recipe for everything before they made it.

>>4737167
Ancient aliens gave our ancestors the first recipes. Don't you know basic history?

>>4736760
sorry meagn

>grandmother is sometimes like a toddler
>randomly samples things without knowing what they are
>I leave a can of jalapeno peppers in the kitchen unsupervised
>she tries some without my knowledge
>bitches about how spicy it is and how do people eat stuff like that

It's also annoying how she always asks if sauces and food I'm offering her are spicy. Even though I've never fed her anything spicy and she always stumbles onto spicy food by being a idiot.

>Having soup with a spicy sauce
>granny wants to try some too
>I tell her it's spicy and not to go overboard
>adds a tablespoon anyways
>"oh gosh it's so spicy, it's bad for you, how dare you like things I don't like"

>>4737281
Also while I'm in the middle of cooking she'll storm in and explain how she wants to eat whatever it is "NOW." God forbid she wait 10 minutes before stuffing it into her mouth.

>>4723305
holy fuck do you have the same mother as me

>>4726585
What VN is that image from?

>>4737334
Yume Miru Kusuri

>>4737334
This guy has a playthrough if you are interested, He's pretty funny
http://www.youtube
.com/channel/UCBPszjpHVwugOCo3AserrPg

>>4728539
But Anon, the kitchen is my place, not the lady's.
Men rule the kitchen, have you never had a job in a pro kitchen? Women are weak, over emotional, and overall beta as fuck when it comes to cooking. Women are GOAT bakers though.

>>4737527

I've worked with more overemotional men than women in professional kitchens. You seem like a dickhead, or a 23 year-old, though those things seem to go hand-in-hand.

>>4736760
Thank fuck mine knows better and stays out of my way.

>>4737531
buttblasted womyn detected

>>4723943
>Having gone to a school with a significant black student population just might have made you a decent person, for example, rather than a confused, crazy right-winger cardboard cutout.
It's like you live in an entirely different reality.

I went from being an idealistic liberal that believed in diversity 100% to a full fledged KKK advocate in the span of one year thanks to going to a University that caters to blacks as opposed to being equal.

>>4723305
>dog turds

I wasn't ready for that

>family makes a mess in the kitchen
>blames me for everything not being cleaned and put away before midnight

I really hate it when they cook something past 10pm

>>4737364
Wow. Awkward. Does the playthrough contain fairy buttsex?

>>4725687
every time anyone else but me cooks "YOU HAVE TO CLEAN BECAUSE WE COOK" when I cook "YOU MIGHT AS WELL CLEAN UP THEN, IT'S ALMOST DONE ANYWAY"

well that's because I clean my shit while I cook not leave a whirlwind for someone else to do Ms. 16 dishes to make pumpkin bread

I went from being non-racist to racist to non-racist by living in a white minority neighbourhood. You gotta realise academia does not represent reality; they are a bunch of neo-liberals who shit on everything with illogical and socially damaging opinions and are no better than neo-conservatives.

it's all boiled down to conservatives being racist toward blacks and liberals being racist towards whites these days.

>cook for dad
>he says its too salty
>didnt even put salt in it

Bump