/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>5116639
xD

>go to taco bell
>get taco shits

>>5116639
I got food poisoning this past fall, much much worse than your story
>subpar restaurant
>get hamburger with tomato and lettuce and fries
>have one draught beer with dinner
>get home, no problems
>4am, start vomiting and diarrhea at same time
>in the bathroom until 8 am
>try to sleep
>wake up throwing up bile
>squirting diarrhea out of my ass like Im pissing out my ass
>dehydrated
>drink water
>immediately vomit water
>cant drink water/put anything in my body for 24 hours
>start hallucinating
>gas pains and cramps in my intestines
>when Im not pissing diarrhea out my ass or vomiting bile, Im writhing in pain from intestinal pains
>eventually get taken to hospital next day because I thought I was going to die from dehydration
>intestinal pains so bad Im close to performing self surgery to relieve it
>get IV at hospital
>finally get some sleep
>doctor says its worst case of food poisoning hes ever seen
>3 days after the meal Im finally out of the hospital
>call the restaurant, tell them I got food poisoning
>they offer me a free beer next time I come in
>Im never going back, I just called to warn them if their food was contaminated

I wouldnt wish that upon my worst enemy

>>5118466

I got food poisoning once from some improperly cooked (or handled) merguez one time... No vomiting, thank god, but my intestines were a fucking waterslide. My shit wasn't as fucking running when I had to drink 4 litres of fucking laxative for a medical procedure. We're talking about the worst fucking shit you could possibly imagine. I drank water and it came out in under 10 minutes. After about a day of this, I went to the hospital, explained the situation and waited.

And waited.

And waited.

At this point I was literally dying of dehydration due to the dysentery, so the person who brought me to the hospital went to ask the triage nurse to re-evaluate my condition. As it turns out, the triage nurse that initially saw me didn't listen to a damn thing I said, because people with diarrhea are supposed to get their own little room with a portable shitter so they aren't running back and forth and potentially getting other people sick with it.

A total of 32 hours after entering the ER, I finally got hooked up to an IV. 32 hours for a 5 minute procedure.

Moral of the story? Never get sick in Quebec.

I was in Houston, TX a few months ago. I go to a Chinese buffet bar. It's almost exactly like the one back home. Same tasting food, same place where they make your custom order stuff. Same everything.

Well, one HUGE difference. I've eaten at the buffet back home hundreds of times without getting sick. I ate at this one once and I got the worst case of food poisoning ever.

I was literally shitting green water for 5 days.

I got one of many polluted cans of spaghetios. Ever barf those out your nose? Ever calculated the odds of vomiting 10 times as a kid, and 5 of those involved spaghetios coming out your nose?
> Be 12
> 1:00am: vomit completely intact can of spaghetios
> 1:30am leave my pajamas in the bathroom because I shat all over them
> 2:30 wake up in the livingroom wondering how I ended up on the couch
> 3:30 wake up in the hallway after muh dad tripped over me and hurled copious foul language at me for doing so
> Continued my struggle to get to my bed. Dad picked me up and put me in bed with my sibling (we're twins, he probably didn't notice that wasn't my room, it was dark).
> Smell of barf won't leave me alone, seeing as how it coated muh nostrils
> 6:30 sis starts barfing right in the bed and gets it all over the place, last thing I need.
> 6:31 starting to freak out
> 6:32 cry
> 6:33 sister falls asleep, puddle and all, wtf
> 6:36 Manage to make it back to my room, lose the jammies, sleep on top of the covers because I couldn't quite figure out the whole sheet/comforter thing. Fever does that.
> 6:37-???? Suffering the agonies of the damned
> Spaghettio barf stank permeates the entire house
> Daylight: mom comes in and sorts all this shit out. Quick spongebath with dishcloth, clean pajamas, a couple of tylenol, sister got similar, I don't know, I was asleep.

Felt like ass for the next 2 or 3 days, but was just thrilled that the barf stopped. Good nuff.

I got food poisoning from the restaurant I work at a few weeks ago. I don't eat there on my lunch break anymore. They even made me stay at work while I was vomiting bile and kissing out of my ass every 30 minutes.

>>5118668
My phone autocorrected pissing to kissing.

>>5116639
>Veganaise off the shelf on her cold veggie sub, employee freaks out and needs to call a manager and ask, she says nevermind
>>Order cold turkey on honey wheat with provelone and vegetables, no mayo but oil vinegar and sub seasoning
>>get there, eat half of sub and drink six beers, eat BBQ Pringles, Nerds and hummus

DUIDE WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING??? IS THIS THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE?????


WHY.
ARE.
YOU.
EATING.
LIKE.
A.
TYPICAL.
AMERICAN?????

fucking GROSS bro.

>>5116639

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT STORY ABOUT????

Are you seriously caring about the fucking smell after you lived like that for an hour?

The things you ate you can never uneat. The woman that was cleaning wasn't disgusted.

She was dissapointed, OP.

>>5118582
What restaurant was it?

>>5118679
faget.

>>5118271
Same thing happened to me in February 2002, except I barfed every 30 minutes for 7 hours, and never have gone back since

Im not sure if OPs story made sense.
Anyway, i got really sick after one day in county jail. So did a couple other dudes. So just to make matters worse off of being in jail, im puking my guts out in the middle of the night. I didnt have a cup to put water in from the sink, and the sinks only dispensed hot water for some reason. So I had to drink only the first 2 seconds of water out of my hands from multiple sinks, trying to not get too dehydrated. That was one of the worst nights I ever weathered.

Food poisoning.

I went to eat here with my boyfriend, because he wanted sushi, and we were in the Northridge area. Wrote our names on the list to be checked in, sat for 5 to 10 minutes without being welcomed- then I walked up to the man behind the counter and asked why no names were being called. He replied with "oh I thought you were waiting for someone. Take a seat."

Okay, not sure what the point of the list is for if it's not going to be used.

We got seated down in an unappealing booth with wood boards, probably from Home Depot, as partitions.

Awesome.

We ordered off the list after being asked twice what we wanted to drink, (water. both times.) and three servers who didn't introduce themselves helped us throughout our "meal". One of the servers took our order sheet without making eye contact, even though I wanted to ask him a question about what was on the menu.

Finally, the biggest red flag, which should have sent me running.

When the server arrived with the (horribly presented) sushi platter in hand- I could smell the fish from several feet away. As anyone with a thread of knowledge of sushi or fish knows, fresh fish should NOT smell of fish, instead, a slight scent of the ocean.

Like an idiot, I didn't grab my boyfriend's hand and run out. Instead I tolerated it because I've never actually gotten sick from food before. And since his friend recommended the place, I didn't want to make a scene.

Worst possible idea.

Thankfully my boyfriend didn't have any of the salmon or yellowtail, because if he did he would have gotten poisoned, too. And God help these people if my boyfriend got poisoned.

Anyway, last night after eating at this abomination, I felt sick so I went to bed. I had a horrible fever and was shivering like mad. Several times through the night I woke up and thought I was going to be sick. Nope, not till this morning. At 10am this morning I could feel it was about to happen, so I rushed to the toilet and threw up all the Shitty Shogun Sushi. I've been recooping all day, and my stomach has been upset all day long.

Worst sushi joint, or restaurant in general ever.

Run far, far away from this place. Absolutely horrible.
----
Copy pasted from my yelp review.

Has anyone else never gotten food poisoning? I'm pretty irresponsible because of it, can't imagine how I haven't

>>5118677
>American
>No mayo

Nope.

>>5116639

Worst food poisoning for me was Flappy Jacks out in Glendora CA. Not sure what it was (the hash browns I think?) but good fucking god, I would not wish that food poisoning on anyone. I was laid up for 3 days. First day was nothing but puking, then once that was done, anything that I ate or drank just ran right through me in 15 minutes. fucking nightmare. Lost 20lbs over the course of it as well, no joke. Probably a combination of purging my entire colon and dehydration but my god I can't remember being in such agony like that ever.

My girlfriend's mom doesn't believe in expiration dates. My stomach does. My girlfriend's stomach seemingly does too but having grown up with it she's half way towards immune. She did get sick as hell though when her mom served up some crappy cheese that expired 8 months prior; the worst part being that her mom (probably to this day) didn't believe that the cheese could possibly be the culprit, despite that being the only thing only my girlfriend ate and she was the only one who got sick. I have acquired a habit of always checking the expiration date of anything that's still in its original packaging in their house and generally avoiding anything that isn't.

We recently opened one of their less used fridges to find cream cheese that expired in 2011. Their family has begun stealthily throwing away expired items when she isn't looking because they don't want to get flak for throwing away "perfectly good" food.

>>5119219
3/10 story
Should have used the word boyfriend a few more times

>>5118537
>A-at least its free, r-right?

>>5119223
>Copy pasted from my Yelp review

That explains so much. I never, ever take Yelp reviews at face value because of obnoxious crap like this.

>driving back from Vegas trip
>stop off at a McDonalds in Bakersfield or whatever dirty fucking town we were in.
>Dad, brother, and I ate McDonalds, mom did not
>get home, go to sleep
>wake up at 4 am in a cold sweat, run to bathroom
>start spraying shit out of my ass
>smell is so bad I vomit while sitting on the toilet
>OH GOD WHY
>like fucking clockwork, both Dad and brother wake up at the same time as me
>we end up dominating every toilet in our house
>eventually make it back to bed with a bucket and a towel
>spend the next 2 days vomiting, shitting, feeling achy and generally wishing I was dead.

We don't stop for food in Bakersfield/Pearblossom/Baker/Victorville or any of those other white trash shit holes anymore.

theres a place in daytona beach, called The New Chao Wang buffet.

its very old school new york chinese, with that john woo gunfight style decor.

they had some good food from 08-early 2012.

then all of a sudden something happened. maybe one of the mexican fell over dead in the fried rice or something, but the food went straight to hell.

the last time i went there was august 2012. i had the buffet, and mongolian grill.

bad, bad choice. after a plate of steamed dumplings, and yakitori, i had a plate of stirfry from the mongolian grill.

as i finished that i felt weird, sweaty, bloated, and dizzy. i went to the bathroom there, which was something out of a horror movie involving a truckstop.

i shit so hard, that i pushed the water down the pipe. when i got up, i found i had to shit again, and again.

after 25 minutes my sister came to the bathroom to see if i died, and yelled in trying not to gag.

i managed to get up, wipe my ass, and wash my hands. i noticed something funny however, i had to let my belt in, since i had shit down a pants size.when i came out the mexicans were looking aat me like i was death in one of those el norte gangster movies. i had sunken eyes, drenched in sweat, shaking, barely able to walk.

i felt like steve jobs looked before he died.

the chinaman said NO YOU PAY GWAILO, YOU PAY NOW, WE NO GIVE SHITS, WE GOOD FOOD!! I SHIT ON YOUR ANCESTORS A MILLION FUCKS I DONT GIVE.

i started making noises like a zombie as my sister started screaming about how nothing ever gets me sick, and this place had the plague and toilets covered in rancid shit(thanks to me).

he chased me out after i puked on him, like something out of a tom green movie. we didnt have to pay.

that felt good.

>be me
>receive chicken eggs from friend who has laying hens
>make full english with two fried eggs
>next day, back starts hurting
>shit is water
>have to drive 12 hours same day
>felt like I was dying
>couldn't eat anything
>puked a dozen times
>shit twice more
>no more fresh eggs

i should have just cooked them longer, but damn they were flavorful as they were.

>>5120629
>baker
Excellent seafood. With a mind like yours, you’ll probably want the land-crab. Try the Majestic Diner.

>>5120564

I'm in the lowest tax bracket and the combined federal and provincial income tax ALONE comes out to 30% of my paycheck.

You tell me if it's free.

Man, I just spent 4 weeks traveling around Mexico, ate in some really dingy looking markets and with the expectation of getting sick, I never caught anything.

I think I developed some sort of iron-guts. I eat a lot of weird shit and I never get sick, even when eating in very dodgy places. I got a really bad food poisoning when I was about 6 years old, spent like 3 days in the hospital with IV plugged into me. Ever since then I never got sick from food.

>>5116639
>poop 3 times in a few hours
>"food poisoning"
Boo fucking hoo.

>>5120986
Come to Denmark. I pay ~50% of my paycheck in income tax despite being in the lowest tax bracket. It's hard to narrow down exactly. Then comes the 25% VAT on all items purchased, followed by added taxes on specific items, followed by VAT on those taxes. In the end, I'm guessing I get to enjoy about 30% of the money I earned.

>>5120986
Im in one of the higher tax brackets, and I barely pay 30% fed and provincial income tax. The Alberta Advantage.

>>5121030

Yeah, sales taxes and shit here, too. It's fucking ridiculous.

>>5121039

Mhm. You guys got it good. Don't let Redford screw you!

Man I feel lucky. In my 23 years being alive, I have only gotten food poisoning once. That one I don't even count, because I threw up once and then felt absolutely fine. I'm not even sure that it was because of food to be honest.

>>5121051
I've had food poisoning a few times. I once threw up and, like you, felt absolutely fine. All other times it's felt the exact same but because of my unequivocal hatred of throwing up I've stuck through it instead of hurling, knowing full well it would go away if I did throw up.
Sometimes I get mad farts/half liquid shits when eating at my girlfriends house >>5119292 but with no real discomfort

>>5121046
5% gst here. No provincial tax, no healthcare premiums. Some of the few good things about alberta.

>>5120652
Protip: Always wash eggs (with cold water) before cracking them. The most likely place to have salmonella is the shell, the inside of the egg has it only extremely rarely.

Also, it's more likely that you got sick because of cross-contamination rather than undercooking. Salmonella is very heat-intolerant, it doesn't take very much to kill it.

>>5121064
>because of my unequivocal hatred of throwing up I've stuck through it instead of hurling, knowing full well it would go away if I did throw up
Are you me?

>>5121030
>but I'll still rag on those stupid yanks over their healthcare! lel master shitposter reporting in

A mother and daughter recently DIED eating bad fish in Bali. I'd like to think they were idiots who can't tell rotten food but it scares me to think I could die anytime from eating a meal at a restaurant, and I regularly eat street food in 3rd and 2nd world countries

>>5121097

>trying this hard to start shit

That's depressing, anon.

>>5121112
>t scares me to think I could die anytime from eating a meal at a restaurant,

You can choke on food and die anytime, anywhere. You can catch a disease and die anytime, anywhere.

>>5121112
>it scares me to think I could die anytime from eating a meal
Really?

not poisoned but kinda related
>two years ago summer
>love this salad buffet over in mall always eat there
>one day eating there something feels bad about the food... kinda made me sick eating it.
>couple of days later have stomach cramps constantly go to toilet but not shit anything or small
>after that I go again I shit liquid then I look up its FUCKING BLOOD
>I shit blood like 30 times a day in small amounts
>stomach pain becomes unbearable even when I drink water I run to toilet
>can't go to anywhere
>decide to go to doctor when I feel good
>I found out I got some parasite from a fecal matter from the food...
>can't eat anything while treating myself with antibiotics I only can eat bread
>lost a lot of weight

never eating salad bars again

>>5121240
>salad bar
Never, ever, ever. Those things are breeding grounds for all kinds of nasty shit. It's worse than a normal buffet because none of it is cooked or kept hot.

>>5121263
hot or cold, doesn't make much of a difference
on either end, it should be held out of the danger zone
if either hot or cold is not maintained properly, then you could have cause for concern, but the difference between hot and cold is not as you say

at all

>>5116639

I realise that Anglo-Saxons are overly fond of exaggerating their alcohol consumption by saying that they "pass out" after drinking a lot when they're in reality just sleeping. But letting diarrhea count as food poisoning? That's even more ridiculous

>>5121030

Come on, Danskdude, you most likely earn twice as much even after tax than an Americanlander

>>5120632
Food poisoning doesn't work that quickly.

>And God help these people if my boyfriend got poisoned.

I wish I had the kind of girlfriend who has this sort of mindset, where it happening to her is no where near as apprihensible as happening to her man

>>5121347

food poisoning can happen as fast as 30 minutes, or take days to finally show symptoms.

>>5118643

>vomiting 10 times as a kid


I really don't know what happened but
>10 years old or so
>ate a can of Pringles pizza-flavoured chips
>ate some raw pasta (dried ones)
>don't remember what we had for lunch
>jump on the bed with my sister
>go to sleep
>wake up
>vomit
>hated vomiting, started crying and walked to my mother
>explained situation to her
>realised I had to throw up again
>ran to bathroom
>threw up
>mother made a bucket ready for me
>we both just lay down on the couch and watched TV
>threw up three more times
>somehow got used to it so I say "I feel so light hahaha"
>mother says that she thinks I could now sleep in my bed
>puts me in my bed
>puts a spare blanket over my regular one
>fall asleep
>wake up shortly after
>throw up on the spare blanket
>mother puts bucket next to my bed
>repeat this two more times
>felt like a Greek god the next day

Whatever that shit was, it wasn't fly at all.

Went to a sushi restaurant trying to take my mom out for her birthday meal. She doesn't get around much these days.

To my surprise, she really liked the sushi. I mean she chose the restaurant. I did have second thoughts considering her health and all.

I order some raw scallops. I tell her that I am taking a risk and with her immune system she better sit this one out.

And boy am I EVER glad I insisted.

I came down with shellfish poisoning. The kind that's pretty much the opposite of normal food poisoning.

It paralyzes the lower GI. You don't poop. You don't anything. What you ate sits there.

You can feel that your insides are dead.

And when this is happening paralyzed does not mean 'numb'. Your body tells you something is wrong. The worst pain you ever felt. Nonstop. Until things starts moving again and the toxin wears off.

I passed out from the pain. Repeatedly.

>>5121305
That's true, but it's a lot easier to keep buffet food properly hot than properly cold.
A salad bar by its very nature is neither hot nor cold, so it's always in the danger zone.

>>5121386
Fuck that sounds awful. Thankfully I've never had that happen to me.

>be like twelve in Hong Kong
>uncle takes me out to a rocking dumpling restaurant
>fuck yeah dumplings
>that night, don't feel so good
>go to bathroom
>diarrhea
>oh, that's not so bad
>vomiting
>horrible, violent, uncontrollable vomiting
>urgh, go back to bed
>comes back five minutes later
>repeat roughly forty times until I'm spraying bile into the toilet and have to be carried to the toilet
>get dragged to the doctor
>since it's in Hong Kong, the doctor is in the middle of a mall
>get dragged through a busy mall with my face in a bag, throwing up
>get a shot in the ass, right as rain the next day

Miracle drugs apparently.

Every single time I have ever had Mexican/or/Tex-Mex food I have been made horrifically ill.

It doesn't matter where in the country I have been, or what I have tried/sampled from the menu.
San Diego to Tacoma, Detroit to Camden, Miami to Dallas and back to Cincinnati, I've been everywhere.

Large Chain Restaurant? Expensive Reservations only type? Lunch Window counter place?
Doesn't matter which, Mexican food might as well be Kryptonite to me.

>Was in Tallahassee on business.
>The locals of the group had consensus to have lunch at a local Mexican place they knew
>My history I have a bad feeling about this... but okay...
>This place seems nice, clean and english speaking
>Order the same steak/cheese/guacamole dish that everyone is getting, must be good if the locals eat it.
>Comes to table searing hot on a slab of iron.
>Is surprisingly good.
>3 hours later I am on a floor puking blood as a local guy is calling for a ambulance.
>Wake up 2 days later in the hospital.
>Stomach pumped twice and was given a unit of plasma because of kidneys or something...
>Kept on a medicated IV drip for 2 more days.
>Doctors order a diet of bologna on white bread, water and plain unflavored yoghurt for a week.

To this day I refuse to ever again try any form of Mexi-shit food.
I won't even do Taco Bell, the experience in Tallahassee scarred me so badly.


I do love Cuban food though, no problems there.

>be like, 13
>school takes us on a trip to the MEDIEVAL TIMES! in Orlando, Florida
>it looks exactly like this from that one simpsons episode, inside and out
>halfway through the show they bring us the food, give everyone a plate with worse than lunchroom at school-tier chicken
>this shit is "barbecue" chicken WITH THE BONES ALL STILL IN IT, NOT JUST BONES, SPINE.
>pick at what I can anyway, dad (who is chaperoning because he's into all that shit, I'm not joking nigga still plays the original age of empires 2 on the computer I gave him) also consumes a bunch of the foul birdie

>get home that night, wake up to my stomach lurching and puking everywhere
>dying on the toilet
>taking a barf break in the living room when suddenly my parents bedroom door busts open, and out shuffle-runs dad in nothing but tidy-whities (he's a hairy italian standing at 5'5 and 250 pounds at the time, you tell me how that would have looked)
>proceeds to practically die in the living room, starts puking right there because he couldn't make it to the kitchen sink
>we're both dying for three days straight

never again
also
>have always loved shellfish, but I only have it cooked at restaurants if it isn't just shrimp or something
>1 pound lobster tails on sale for 5 bucks each at sweetbay
>ask mom if she can cook them, says she knows how, so alright
>cooks me it, hands it to me on a plate later
>meat is off-white and chewy in texture but not horrible, whatever

>wake up at 3 in the morning sweating
>take my temperature, 103, possibly +
>void every orifice of my body for two days straight

whenever I bring it up she's absolutely adamant that it wasn't her fault and that I was just getting sick anyway

>>5121429
What's worse?
I was out of my head in pain watching TV. They kept showing THIS commercial over and over.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YFF7G1cBi-4

It felt like the commercial was mocking my torment. I remember mumbling the lyrics as I mercifully passed out.

>be 18
>ate pretty regular food, nothing special
>next morning while getting ready for school, feel a disturbance in the force
>abdomen utters a sound akin to a pipe draining
>commence ass pissing
>sudden urge to vomit during
>attempt to hold off ass juice while a throw up everything into the toilet
>doesnt work
>mfw shit squirts out and splatters the wall behind me

Some guy from one of the funny image sites decided to check if haribo sugarfree gummy bears really do give you volcano ass

Turns out they do, so he put the experience of him being destroyed on the toilet up on youtube, dunno if that counts as poisoning though

i feel ill just remembering this
>out one late night with friends
>get a double cheese burger from mcds on way home
>wake up around 10am "oh god need to poop"
>vomit up whats left of my burger
>dry heave and shit like crazy for 20 min
>every 10-15 min i shit
>every 30-40 min i vomit
>like clock work and very fun when it syncs up
>try to drink water in between vomiting so i dont dry heave
>bowls in constant pain
>throat and mouth burning
>consider suicide
>around 8pm the vomiting stops and shitting slows down
>finally get off the toilet
>get help walking to living room
>hallucinating is getting more intense
>breathing very heavily like i cant catch my breath
>feel like im gonna pass out
>a few hours later i fall asleep
>wake up next morning still have mud butt
>but feel lots better
>weigh myself for fun
>lost 20-25 lbs

and to top it off i got sick on new years eve
was 4 years ago and havnt eaten any fast food since

>>5121481
Maybe you have an allergy to something? That's the only thing I can think of that would make it so consistent.

>>5121557
I've though about it being allergy too. So did a doctor.

Problem comes in: what ingredient could be -ONLY- in Mexican/Tex-Mex foods and different types of food dishes.
Maybe some unique spice or seasoning is the only thing I've ever been able to think up.

BUT! I wouldn't think that chain places like Chi-Chi's or Abuelos would be using the same trigger in their mass-produced foodstuffs as do the small "Authentic" family owned place that I had my worst episode from.

I nowadays prefer to stay to a more classic European diet anyway, as it is food I know and was raised on.

> be me, about 14 or so at the time
> become friends with some derelict kid from school.
> get invited to his birthday party, his house is in the scummy area of town
> his mother looks like a drug addict, his father is severely bipolar, has had prison time, two younger sisters are huge sluts, one was pregnant, and younger brother was just a little annoying shit.
> couldbeworseiguess.jpg
> mother microwaves us some dim sims for dinner, they dont smell quite right, but whatever, I ate them anyway because I'm a stupid kid.
> end up leaving party early, cant stand derelict family anymore, younger sister tried to steal shit from my bag, father going ballistic at entire family, mother too drunk to care
> text parents getmethefuckoutofhere.gif
> go home, didnt have breakfast or lunch nexy day, just didnt feel quite right...
> commence expulsion of everythimg within my stomach and bowels
> oh sweet jesus no
> spend next week shitting liquid and throwing up whatever I ate/drank
> missed out on town carnival which I enjoyed at the time.

man, fuck that family.

>>5121548
>lost 20-25 lbs
That is literally impossible unless you somehow stuffed your face with that much food.

>>5121638

Food poisoning can lead to massive dehydration (and death). All the gunk in his gut plus water weight can easily reach 20 lbs depending on his size.

I've never gotten food poisoning, and I've eaten at tons of shady restaurants. Do I have an iron stomach, or am I just lucky?

>go to make instant noodles
>notice the oil/sauce packet looks a little different from usual
>ignore that because its instant noodles what can it do?
>a week spent feeling like death itself has come to drag my intestines out of my body
it gets worse
>a week later start getting a pain in my knees, ankes, back and arm
>3 days after that I can't stand up, walk down stairs or sleep I'm in so much pain
>go to the doctors who can't tell whats wrong with me
>go to a rhumatologist who runs some tests and concludes that I've got reactive arthritis as a result of my food poisoning and that this will last from anywhere between a 6 months to forever

A year later and I'm still in terrible shape and going to physical therapy.

>>5121492
>this shit is "barbecue" chicken WITH THE BONES ALL STILL IN IT, NOT JUST BONES, SPINE.
>expecting it to be fancy shit

>>5116639
>tfw hallucinating while crouched on your cold bathroom floor face down in the toilet and as you vomit your bowels release all over the floor

Best part is there is no cure or remedy for probably the worse most dangerous illness, modern medicine has failed us

>>5121767
Shit anon. Hope you feel better soon.

>be ten or eleven
>going to dinner for older sisters birthday
>get some kind of fish
>get tarter sauce on the side
>about and hour later
>tummy feels funny
>were almost to our house
>as soon as we pull into the drive way
>run to the bathroom as fast as I can
>pants down
>shit explodes out of my ass like the slug from a .45
>a river of liquid putercesants flows forth into the toilet bowl
>feel something start to gurrgle up my throat
>the river has stopped flowing
>frantically fall on the floor and try to vomit into the pool of waste that is now my toilet
>puke fucking everywhere but the toilet
>commence shitting my self trying to get back on the toilet
>dad walks by
>doors open a crack
>peeks in and asks if I'm okay
>his face when

>>5118271

I'm sorry, but I think its lame that so many people get diarrhea from Taco Bell's weak ass "Mexican" food. Either you folks are no-flavor handling babies, or you forget to wash your nasty hands before handling tacos.

>>5118466
I know exactly what you mean. I had something similar. i ended up lying in the bathtub vomiting and shitting for 6 hours and crying like a bitch. Its a ate worse than death

>all these babyfaggots getting food poisoning

Wow, must be nice being an iffeminate weak as shit whiteboy who gets sick from the most minor of things.

No wonder all the women want non-whites/asians.

>>5121546

Oh god those fucking things. There is no exaggeration here. I love gummy candy, I mean I fucking love it, but those fuckers should be renamed "colon cleansers". Seriously, exlax? Dulcolax? Fuck that noise. Jam 20 of these suckers in your math and purge the unclean.

>>5121676

Truth to this sir. My 3 day bout of food poisoning had me lose 20 lbs. I think it cleaned out my entire colon because even when I was down to just drinking water for the first 2 days, the shit was still coming out brown. There really must be a shit ton of well...shit...in our GI tracts. It's the only way I can explain how water can come out dark-orange-brown after only 15 minutes in my stomach.

>>5121705
could be both
Only time I had food poisoning that I knew for a fact was food poisoning was on a trip to mexico, i was retarded enough to have them not thoroughly cook the beef, and my mom was scared that I'd get flagged for the bird flu and we'd get quarantined, so I was bedridden and puking like that girl from the exorcist
Other than that I've eaten a ton of off-smelling stuff and got away with a bad fart or two

>>5116639
>With a bunch of friends, decide to grab something to eat before going our separate ways for the night.
>Settle on a particular casual dining joint, decent food, no previous bad experiences.
>Order hamburger, well done, it arrives, no discernible problem.
>Eat. ~4 hours later stomach is upset. Things progress until I can't get more than 10 feet from the bathroom for fear of shitting/puking all over myself.
>Never been back to that restaurant.

>>5122022

Bile is dark orange-brown-yellow, einstein.


Also, if you lost 20 pounds in three days (which i doubt), you must be severely overweight.

As someone who has actually had a colonoscopy AND a barium enema, I can tell you that, no, there isn't really that much stuff in your colons. One solid evening of shitting your brains out in preparation for either procedures will leave your colon sparkly clean and fresh.

>>5121357

Yeah, but it won't give you diarrhea in 30 minutes. You'll vomit, sure, but if something gave you the shits, it was something you ate for breakfast, or even dinner the day before.

I got food poisoning from the fried chicken at Disney Land three times in a row. Out of two of those occasions I compounded the sickness by drinking the dole pineapple smoothie (goddamn those are good) along with milk. I was not a clever youngster.

Needless to say those nights were spent with webby phlegm-vomit and shit-paste blasting and oozing, respectively, out of every orifice I owned. There are few moments in my life where I honestly believed I was going to die, and this one would have really sucked to be in a disneyland hotel bathroom at 3 am.

>in school orchestra
>field trip to perform at Disneyland (it's nearby)
>my violin's fucking A string snapped seconds before performance, which makes the whole thing awkward
>we get to wander around the park for most of the day
>eat meal with a friend, then decide to buy a churro at random early in the day
>spend rest of day making agonizing trips to the bathroom
>it's raining too, so I get wet and cold
>friend was prolly annoyed since I couldn't do much and we had to stick with our buddies
>bus ride home was pure torture, also pretty sure everyone knew I was sick by that point

that was supposed to be the perfect day

>>5122028
Huh news to me...I always thought it was yellow or green. And as for the weight, I'm not exaggerating. I'm a pretty heavy guy, and I remember weighing myself the day before I got sick and I was 322. By the time the end of the 3rd day rolled around I was down to 302. It's the lowest I've weighed in quite some time.

>>5119233
Well I've never been poisoned from food, but my stomach is coated in steel and shit.
>go to chinese restaurant
>they have a stone plate to cook some stuff like meat (chicken, pork, beef) and veggies
>usually take the raw stuff and eat it like that but pork and chicken
>beef slice looks kinda greenish
>feels odd as shit in my mouth
>eat it nonetheless
>nothing
lel

>>5122028
They're not losing twenty pounds of fat, they're losing mostly water.
This guy goes into great detail of how he "drops" twenty pounds, and regains it in a couple of days for weigh-ins for fights and what not.
http://www.fourhourworkweek.com/blog/2008/01/18/how-to-cut-weight/

>>5121481
>>Doctors order a diet of bologna on white bread, water and plain unflavored yoghurt for a week.


"Gentleman, this man is obviously far too white to eat any sort of remotely ethnic food. I'm prescribing a strict suburban-white-child diet."

>>5121492
>>this shit is "barbecue" chicken WITH THE BONES ALL STILL IN IT, NOT JUST BONES, SPINE.

You sound EXTREMELY sheltered. I've been to that Medieval Times. It's a cornish hen. No, it's not very good, but you sound like you've never eaten anything that isn't easy mac.

>Just had surgery to remove big ol tumor 2 days prior, taking prescribed narcs to deal with the pain
>Pain was fine, had not had any pills yet that day
>Have chinese food for dinner from local restaurant
>Wake up at 1am sweating, bound to toilet
>Proceed to vomit every 20-30 minutes for 8 hours, sleeping on the bathroom floor in between
>Narcotics had made me constipated all weekend and the pain in my bowels in unbearable.
>Pain from surgery ratchets to fucking ungodly level
>Can't take pain pills, will vomit them straight up, and scared they will block me up even more
>Halfway through 8 hours, shit one massive ungodly shit and then fall off the toilet to vomit on top of it
>Laying on the bathroom floor naked sobbing in pain with vomit all over my face
>Grandmother walks in at this very moment
>mfw

Also, my mother once got seafood poisoning when I was like 6 and was so dehydrated by the puking and shitting her tongue turned black. She had refused to go to the ER before that point even though she was hallucinating and looked like a corpse

>>5122190
What did your grandma do? Did she at least help you any? I don't care how disturbing the sight is, if someone I care about is in that much pain I'd fuckin' help them out somehow.

>>5120629
my mom moved to victorville...Fucking hate visiting down there

>>5121030
I live in Denmark too, and I fucking love it.
I don't care about the high taxes. I make more money than i need already

>>5122200
Yes, she immediately went in to help-mode, got me towels and a robe to put on, brought me a giant water bottle to sip on. It was just embarrassing because I was 19 years old... sobbing and naked on the floor

>>5122220
Man you just had surgery and then got food poisoning which put you in even more pain and suffering. Ain't nothing to be ashamed of there, my friend.

I got poisoned by TGI Friday when I was celebrating my 12th birthday
>Head into the city with family
> Aunt suggests we go to TGI Friday
>Wait around for an age before being seated
>order some sort of breaded chicken sticks
>take a bite of the chicken
>it's cold in the centre and slightly pink
>eat all of the chicken sticks
>on train back home
>Tell the folks I don't feel very well
>"you'll be fine, anon"
>wake up the next day
>I stumble to the bathroom
>vomit erupts from my mouth
>bathroom is covered in more chicken-bits than a hen house that a fox had got into
>grim spectre of death starts a two week vigil at the foot of my bed

Couldn't eat anything other than dry toast for those two weeks, ended up losing a stone in weight. Those badge wearing bastards will never get my custom again.

>>5119219
>and three servers who didn't introduce themselves

What. Why should they introduce themselves?

And maybe the list was just some kind of guest book

>Go to Carl's Jr. for breakfast one morning
>Order dat country breakfast burrito
>Order two because hungry as fuck
>Eat first and proceed to start on second
>Absolutely devour that motherfucker
Fast forward about 5 hours
>Sitting at computer
>Stomach starts acting up
>It's not a normal kind of acting up as it kind of feels like a sharp pain in my stomach
>Ignore it for a few more minutes but hte pain becomes too much
>Rush to the shitter and unleash hell
>It's absolutely god awful and tearing my asshole a new one
>The liquid shit physically burns my anus and I empty my ass in about 2 minutes
>Can't get up because of the boo boos
>Keep squirting out the liquid fire shit that makes me feel like somebody just lit my anus on fire
>Sweating profusely
>Grab the thermometer since I'm already in the bathroom
>Have a temp of 102
>Eventually finish up half an hour later
>Can barely stand
>Eventually pass out on the ground and wake up to the sound of knocking
>It was the mail man
>Got a package and had to sign
>tfw mail man saved me from dying on my own shit fumes
And that's the story of how I got food poisoning, almost died, and never ate the Carl's Jr. country breakfast burrito ever again.

>>5122224
Plus I missed my math exam that day due to evil combo of food poisoning/post op misery. Thankfully my math professor was a true bro who had survived cancer and understood tumor bullshit.

>>5121972
Or cheap shitty fast food doesn't sit well with people who don't eat it every day.

>>5122243
I'm pretty sure they HAVE to let you take it another day of you have a legitimate reason not being able to show up

>>5122190
tongue probably turned black from pepto bismol

>>5121492
>>this shit is "barbecue" chicken WITH THE BONES ALL STILL IN IT, NOT JUST BONES, SPINE.
It can be pretty jarring the first time you see something that isn't boiled boneless skinless chicken breast.

>>5122032
The first time - not your fault
The second time - maybe the first time was a fluke
The third time - You are fucking stupid

>>5121492
>>this shit is "barbecue" chicken WITH THE BONES ALL STILL IN IT, NOT JUST BONES, SPINE.
wow that's so hardcore anon
how's your gated community of white rich faggots doing anyway?

>>5121492
WTF do you have turkey at Thanksgiving? It's the same goddamn thing. OMG BONES!

>>5121492
> still plays the original age of empires 2 on the computer I gave him

You got a cool dad there

>Father has a house he never uses "for his retirement"
>I move in
>find a bunch of canned goods sitting in the shelves
>notice some of the cans are horribly bulged
>mention it to Dad next time I call
>"No, don't throw those away, they're probably still good!"
>what_the_actual_fuck.jpg
>throw them away anyway
>get bitched at for wasting food
>rest of cans are still there, probably slowly bulging out

Got it at the state fair years back, ate too much shit to know what it was. I coupled it with mini egg rolls that my dad cooked wrong. Since all I can remember is the taste of egg rolls, it ruined them for me.

Can't wait for the state fair this year.

>>5118537
>Hey, that story about inefficient and completely retarded healthcare system reminds me of something
>Get to the part where the nurse doesn't listen
>It can't be
>>Moral of the story? Never get sick in Quebec
Oh.

I just hope if one day I'm sick enough to be hospitalized I die a relatively painless death instead of being "taken care of" by the bunch of incompetent retards we have over here. Or I could just move the fuck out. Yeah, I think I'm gonna do that.

>>5121806

Ehhhh. As far as pain goes, Cluster Headaches are way worse. As far as dangerous goes? It's mostly because it's so widespread. Treating it is pretty easy.

>>5122603

Haha, yeah.

I'm out of here this year.

>>5119219
>>5119223
>>>/lgbt/

>>5122014
>No wonder all the women want non-whites/asians.
you can keep telling yourself that, but it won't make it true.

I wish I had seen this thread and its warnings of salad before the baby shower I went to on Sunday. I had an absolute poopocalypse last night and throughout today. Seems I was the only one of my family members who ate it, so it's probably likely did me in. At first I thought the sweating/stomach churning might've just been some sort of anxiety/stress side effect from work but as soon as I spoke about it the first thing one of them said to me was "You shouldn't eaten that tossed salad."

I'm also now thankful the gym I go to at night is near a 24 hour Wal-Mart, so if this ever happens while leaving work again I'll know where to go. I would've been so embarassed if I couldn't have held it in at work, there's only one toilet and it was too close to where the other two employees were working.

>>5121806

Well, the cure is puking and shitting everything out I guess

>>5121638
>That is literally impossible
no, it really isn't

>>5122028

It's the water, man. That's how people with food poisoning die, dude, they have no liquids in their system because they're shitting/puking that out. And there's loads of water inside of us, man

>>5118668
my boss had me work when id be puking/sick all the time too. apparently its not uncommon for that kinda shit. one of the many reasons i dont eat out anymore

>>5122031
Wrong.

>>5120986
that's standard tax rates in the US.
Lowest tax bracket = 27% taken out of my check

>>5124109

Unless taxes are calculated vastly differently in the US, what I'm looking at tells me that there are two other tax brackets below mine in the US and with my current income I'd still be paying quite a bit less in income tax.

Provincial income tax alone is 16% for a 40k$ per annum income. Jumps up to 20% if you hit 41,095$ though. Plus a federal 15% on the first 44k$

So, even in NY, I would probably have a couple extra thousand dollars still in my bank account by the end of the year... and why would I live in NY?

>>5122555
Throw the rest of them out. Botulism is no joke, that stuff can kill you easily.

>>5124284
Canada would be very happy if you left, Sceak.

Our RCMP already spends $11 million/yr on your surveillance and psychological torment.

>>5124673

You're right. I must be Sceak.

I went and studied an entirely new trade just so I could convince people I wasn't Sceak through technical knowledge. I also moved to Montreal for some inexplicable reason and instantly learned French.

Because there really are only two people on the internet. You and I. Everyone else is just a simulation or a sock-puppet for me to use to convince you that they're real people.

>>5124693
As one of your sock puppets I can confirm this.

>>5124704

Thank you sock puppet.

Make sure to argue with me for no reason in five minutes to keep up the charade.

>>5118643
> 1:30am leave my pajamas in the bathroom because I shat all over them
my sides

>>5124710
>>5124704
>>5124693
>>5124673
someone accused me of being sceak yesterday as well. I think someone hasn't gone outside in a while.

>>5124726

Or maybe SCEAK is the one calling everyon Sceak.

If everyone is Sceak, then NO ONE IS SCEAK! It's BRILLIANT!

>Saturday night over Christmas break, at home watching tv in the basement with my dad
>we see a commercial for Domino's Sub sandwiches and agree to buy 4: 2 chicken for my mom and sister and 2 Italian style for the two of us
>Make the call and 30 minutes later we gots simmishes
>both of us eat them in like 5-10 minutes it's now 7:30 pm
>we both agree they were ok but not bad, wouldn't get them again
>wash down with a couple beers, still watching tv
>I start to feel tired, get a headache, I assume it was the brew and tell my dad I'm going to bed
>good_night_son.jpg
>it's now 9pm and I'm in my room I feel kinda queasy so i try to take a shit: nothing.
>sit back down in my room: mouth starts salivating and my finger tips feel kinda tingly
>quikly relocated to the bathroom and vomit the sandwich debris in the toilet
>flush and now have amazing diarrhea cramps like 30 seconds later
>now I somehow feel worse, and fill a couple cups of water from the sink and drink those, puke them up 10 minutes later
>I can hear my dad barfing in the downstairs bathroom
>keel over in the cold tile bathroom with a blanket and pillow the light on all night: every 15 minutes either have to try to shit out nothing or dryheave nothing
>lasts for 12 hours until 9am
>mom yells at me because she thought I stayed up all night playing videogames like a cunt
>the following week my dad and I couldn't take down solid food
>still have not been back to Dominos. Fuck that place.

Never had food poisoning before but man having it is like breaking a bone or something.

>>5124772
>having it is like breaking a bone or something
How so?

How do you tell if you have food poisoning or just an unrelated GI virus? I've had similar experiences to some in this thread, but I don't remember eating anything weird beforehand.

>>5124772
..Dry shitting? That's a thing?

>>5124785

picture a stomach ache right, and that horrible pain that kinda builds up in the center of your guts: it keeps building and building, but eventually you can feel your bowels shift and somethin moves around and it doesn't hurt as bad anymore: usually you have to shit immedeately after that.

Well food poisoning is like that pain that gets worse and worse and it just doesn't. fucking. desolve. It just stays there and there is no relief. So you try and drink water and you have a choice: either painfully hold that water down as long as you can so you have something to throw up (because you will throw up) or not drink any water and endure very painful stomach cramps when you dry heave.

it's probably the worst pain I can think of without requiring hospitalization.

>>5124794

its where you want to shit something out, but the tap has run dry, so your ass is just clenching relentlessly, and your asshole feels like an overripe grape being squeezed.

>>5124797
Please no. I'm going to have nightmares about this tonight.

>be 19
>after having what might have been the shittiest steak dinner at my aunts house ever
>come home
>proceed to have intestinal distress
>no vomiting, no gas, no butt sputtering
>just pain
>for HOURS
>curled in fetal position on bathroom floor trying not to moan to loudly, it being late
>mom comes in
why's this light on OH ANON YOU SCARED ME
>moaning on ground, explain
oh it can't be that bad
>try to take a shower to assuage it, take it so hot it's burning me but burning feels better than pain, take Advil, take pepto to puke (that shit always makes me puke), nothing
>this goes on for 3 hours
>in the shower for 1 of them, curled up in ball on shower floor, spine up, head tucked under rocking slowly, naked
>sip hot water from shower head
>after 9 hours drift off on the bathroom floor in only a towel
>brother finds me there in the morning

it was so bad for two days after the residual pain went away I had a ghost imprint of the pain

>>5124796

Look up cluster headaches.

They are commonly called "suicide headaches" and have been unfavourably compared to gunshot wounds, giving birth and all sorts of other very painful things.

I don't get cluster headaches, but based on how awful migraines are...

>few years ago
>parents take me and family to seafood restaurant
>local, non-chain, considered fairly good
>we live in coastal state, should be fresh
>order stuff, my plate is pretty much a sample of everything
>delicious
>dad ordered same thing
>others get variety of dishes--fish, crab, clams, lobster, etc., hit the whole spectrum
>later
>every single person except me became ill from it
>coming out both ends type
>I don't feel a thing, ace immune system
>later turns out that place didn't refrigerate their stuff properly, left sea food in a box in the sun for six hours, etc
>place closed down less than a year later

>>5119233

Only time I got it was from doing something idiotic.

>had smoothie/milkshake dairy/fruit thing
>set empty cup on windowsil in summer in full sun
>several hours later, clean that up
>"oh, there's some left"
>drank it
>what have I done
>violent liquid shits
>gave up on wiping, just showered after each by sticking my ass in the shower and soaping everything down
>puking so violently that my eyes tear up
>know I deserve it

I mean, I've eaten moldy food, expired stuff (years level expired), half-rotten fruit, all manner of junk, gotten burgers rare from sketchy restaurants, near-sour milk, discount sushi, truck stop sandwiches, old seafood, stuff off mexican food carts. Nothing fazed me. But I'll never fuck with dairy-base again. If it's sat for more than an hour it's hazmat.

>>5125303
Why didn't anyone take you to the hospital?

>>5118271
Taco Bell has been the only fast food place that hasn't made me sick

>>5125677
>Why didn't anyone take you to the hospital?
Probably because they're the type of people who see someone in the fetal position and respond with "Oh it can't be that bad!"

>>5125677
lol sounds like someone watches too much tv

I have realized I am an idiot: I read those stories of people who lost weight puking and tought for a second how good it could be if I got less fat by this. Then I shivered.
Sorry, /ck/

>>5125744
You're apologizing to us for having a stupid thought? Do you ask permission to use the bathroom too?

For the most part I have an iron stomach but last year I got sick as fuck eating at a taco truck I always frequent. Felt cold, stomach ache, diarrhea, no vomiting, and lower back pain. At one point I was hoping for the sweet sweet release of death I swore off that taco truck which is too bad because they made the best tacos.

>>5125766
I apologise to posters who suffered for a terrible pain and lost weight, because I had a stupid thought in my mind. You know, it's "being polite towards people".

>>5121476
>Miracle drugs apparently.
Or racing horse grade antibiotics.

>>5125786
>apologizing for thoughts that no one would have known about if you hadn't said anything
>thinking any rational person would have been offended by it anyway
You are fucking stupid.

Does anyone else get post-food poisoning constipation?

>>5125734
That doesn't make any sense.

>>5121779
It's like this fag never had whole barbeque chicken before.l

>>5119292
>apparently having atleast 3+ fridges
fug xdddd

>>5120548
>>5120586

Sorry let me make it so easy a three year old could understand it, since you're so accustomed to it.

>ate sushi
>got foodpoisoning

Fucking idiots.

>>5125677
our family has a grin and bear it mentality, I was better in two days anyway

>>5116639
you sound like a faggot OP

>>5121492
>nigga still plays the original age of empires 2

so?
that's still one of the best games ever made

>work in a convention center
>food ranges from mediocre to pretty good
>this last winter get snowed in so a few of us check into the adjacent hotel
>take some leftovers with us
>finish eating said leftovers
>turn in for the night
>at about three am I jolt up in bed and scramble to the toilet
>I don't make it. I vomit on the floor, slip in it, hit my head and vomit on the floor again
>I'm literally covered head to toe in vomit and I pull myself to the bathroom
>cute coworker begrudgingly helps me undress and get into the shower
>keep puking/dry heaving for four hours, we get a noise complaint from the front desk
>have to check out, still puking, sit by the car in 12* weather while they go to the front desk
>lay myself in the backseat with my head out the window, they take me home and lay me in the bathroom, fiance flipping her shit thinking I'm drunk.


Went into work later that day for the dinner and told the chef that we should never serve that again.

>>5129479
>finish eating said leftovers
What was it?

>>5118466
>>call the restaurant, tell them I got food poisoning
>>they offer me a free beer next time I come in
>>Im never going back, I just called to warn them if their food was contaminated

...do restaurants actually believe people will return to places that made them ill?
My brother used to work at a pizza place, the quality was great.

Until he quit to go work at a bank. Now, I know it couldn't have been the fact that he was working there, as he never handled food directly, but after he quit, we get pizza/other food from them, and got sick. Thinking maybe it's a fluke because we're used to the food being good, we tried once more. Got sick again.

So either the food quality dropped majorly or they purposely poisoned us, which I just can't believe. We haven't gotten their food since.

>>5120986
I mean, you're not paying in more to be there for an extended period though. Seems nice, I'm always anxious at the doctor's for how much I'm going to be charged

>>5129407
>any RTS best game ever made, let alone AoE series

lol okay shit-taste

>>5116639
That hoagie is shameful, absolutely disgusting.

>>5120986
At least you can budget and plan for it. In the US, getting hurt or sick can completely ruin a person.

>>5130051
if you'd budget that much for health insurance you'd be fine too.

>>5130066

This.

When I lived in Denmark, income taxes took about 60% of my salary, but healthcare was covered.

When I moved to the states my taxes dropped to about 35% instead. I had plenty of money to buy insurance and still have extra cash at the same time. It's called budgeting.

>>5118643
Oh man that bizarre euphoria when you realise you've finished vomiting is the best. such intense relief.

ugh i have one. not sure if food poisoning or stomach flu but it was bad guys.

>be junior in hs
>decide today is the day to finally try our school cafeterias pizza
>this shit is orange, gotta use a napkin to soak up the excess grease
>cold, greasy, sliding down my throat, everything okay so far
>wash it down with some funyuns
>be end of school day, decide today is also the day i try pop rocks and soda
>so much MT Dew, so many pop rocks, fml
>realize something is terribly wrong when i get home
>puke all night long, until the next morning
>like i calculated it, i puked for about 8 hours every 30 or 40 minutes
>almost went to the hospital but poor parents wanted to wait it out
>decide afterwards i'll just be a health nut the rest of my life and not eat shitty food ever again

yeah that was probably the worst. glad i didn't shit all night tho

>>5121362
>>jump on the bed with my sister

>brain reads "on" as "into"
>mfw

>>5121492
>still plays the original age of empires 2 on the computer I gave him)
10/10 would adopt as a father

Seriously though, convince him to get Steam and AoE2 HD, I'll play with him.

>>5124768
>If everyone is Sceak, then NO ONE IS SCEAK!

The jig is up, I know who you really are.

>>5129782

Extended stays do cost money. So does the ambulance and all sorts of shit. Oh, and unless you're paying top dollar, you'll end up in a room with 7 other guys. It's great fun being surrounded by a half dozen delirious people. Yup.

>>5130051

What this guy said: >>5130066

>>5130340

But wouldn't I have to be the one calling everyone Sceak for that to make sense? Or are you saying that I would post anonymously, calling myself Sceak just to remove suspicion? Because that's pants-on-head retarded.

>>5130278

You're a dirty girl

>>5129343

Fuck I know it. I don't even know why but as long as I'm not bleeding for several days straight or, I don't know, would be unable to move, constantly throw up and whatnot, I don't go to a doctor.
My mother walked around on a broken foot and only went to a doctor because she couldn't fit it into any shoe anymore.
This way you save a lot of time you would spend in the waiting room otherwise. That's kind of a positive thing, isn't it?

>>5121623
cilantro?

>>5130517
Sounds shitty in QC. I was hospitalised for a few days this summer. The hospital charged me $0 including a same day MRI
I was in single and a double room. The ambulance ride cost $351, which my employer paid benefits covered. But it annoys me they would charge in this ptovince.

>>5122230
lol

>>5130744

Even the guy who set up the system says it's a fucking disaster.

>>5119276
Holy crap the same thing happened to me when I went there for the first (and last) time. Had to get driven to the hospital to get an IV.

>>5125698
>Taco Bell has been the only fast food place that hasn't made me sick

This is a sentence I never thought I'd see written.

I got food poisoning the day I went to Las Vegas for the first time. I spent the weekend in the hotel room trying to stay hydrated and ordering room service

>>5128763
>tells bad stories
>complains nobody 'gets it'

scum

>>5119219
>wooden boards from home depot
Well where the fuck do you get wooden boards?

>>5124796

Yeah this is a good description. Just constant agonizing pain interspersed with constant shitting/puking. Anything you eat/drink is either shat or puked out in 15 minutes or less, all the while feeling like your insides are being braided at a hairdresser.

This took place a few years ago when I was home on summer vacation from college
>Meet up with friends at BW3 for beers/food, because that's the only place around really
>Have a few beers, order chicken sandwich, 2 out of the group I'm with order the same sandwich
>As the night ends, feel pretty buzzed and full, good night overall
>Wake up for work in the morning, feel awful, have to shit
>Head to bathroom, commence dump
>As soon as I'm done, literally as soon as the last drip of molten shit comes out, I have to vomit
>Flush, then start puking in a projectile manner
>Go back to bed, tell parents I'm calling off work
>Parents think I'm just hungover and are pissed
>As morning goes on the truth reveals itself, as this shit/puke demonic combination occurs over and over
>This goes on until about 6 pm

I found out later that the two friends that ordered the chicken sandwich went through the same thing

>>5130823

Jesus man sorry to hear that. :( Yeah it was pretty bad. I thought it was a fluke and went a 2nd time but I think I have an imprint or I got sick again because as soon as I tried the hashbrowns again, my bowels started churning something fierce. Got liquid shits but thankfully no puking for a day.

>Out with friends
>lost the draw have to be the DD... crap
>finish the night up
>go to Ihop
>Wait ting with friends for food
>Food gets there
>friends eat like a mad men
>I just have Coffee not eating that crap
>drop every one off
>get home
>go to bed
>jolt awake as I start to what can only be summed up as an Exorcist vomit
>Wife wakes up
>knows I was the dd
>she helps me crawl to the bathroom
>rest head on the toilet
>cant stop the tide
>hear then fell DEATH GURGLE
>ohno.jpg
>let off little fart
>then more vomit
>DEATH GURGLE 2 The shit hits the fan
>another little fart
>back to vomiting
>then it happens
>blast of diarrhoea that would not stop
>IT"S EVERY WHERE
>pass out
>come to in the ICU
>Told I have E. coli
TLDR: I got E. coli from a cup of coffee at I hop.

>>5131387
You drank an employee's shit that he didn't wash off after using the bathroom.
That person is one god damned disgusting being.

>>5118643
>muh dad
>muh nostrils

fuck off with that shit you dumb nigger

>>5116639
>In Belize on church mission trip
>Get through almost the entire trip alright, they had good food
>Last night before we leave, we stop at a key island for the night thats half way to the air port
>We go to a buffet
>I thought I got chicken, but I found it was fish (it was dark)
>I only ate one bite of the fish since I don't like fish
>We get to the hotel, turns out they have crappy plumbing (also the showers emit a sulfer smell.
>I feel fine almost the entire night
>Suddenly when we go to bed I have to throw up
>Then the diarhea
>Alternating between the two
>The toilet dies
>I try to sleep but I always wake up 15 minutes later and slightly crap myself
>Nearly out of pants
>Have to sleep in the bathroom in the shower tub naked while getting up to vomit or crap
>Next morning I have to ask one of my roommates to go find a shop that sells shorts (mine are ruined)
>Tell them not to go in to the bathroom

It was seriously the worst night of my life. It was literally like 1 or 2 bites of fish too. Apparently I just got hit the fastest, nearly everyone else experienced food poisoning over the next day or two.

>>5123268
Hahahahaha I was thinking the same thing lol

>>5119219
>my boyfriend
>my boyfriend
>my boyfriend
>my boyfriend
>btw I'm a girl XXDDDDD

>>5120652

I've eaten probably hundreds and hundreds of eggs straight from where the chicken dropped it. Never once experienced anything like what you've described there. Couldn't possibly be any of the other things you had with breakfast?

>be 4th grade
>have field trip to some aquarium or some shit
>lunch time
>pull out sandwich
>tastes weird, but was a 4th grader so wouldn't know if it's bad
>on the school bus back to school
>gay kid sleeping by the window
>start feeling sick
>throw up on his hair/face
>kid wakes up in shock and disgust
>kid throws up on himself as well
>i continue to throw up the rest of the trip, other kids on the bus freaking out
>teacher gives me plastic bag
>get back to the school
>still throwing up
>go bathroom, teacher gives me 7up
>walk home throwing up in a barf bag
The kid I threw up was so embarrassed that he actually called absent longer than I was.

>>5121634
> be me, about 14 or so at the time
> become friends with some derelict kid from school.
> two younger sisters are huge sluts, one was pregnant

So assuming your friend was around your age, he has two sisters, 13 and under who are sluts, and one is actually pregnant... excuse me...

fapfapfap

>>5123268
>>5131431
>>5131436

/v/, plz. this isn't halo, nobody's livestreaming with a boobcam.

>>5121352
she's fat

>hunting season when i was like 15
>must have been the awful omlette I ate that morning. Never trust poles with your food
>Of course, I offset this with an MRE
>only if I could travel ten years in the past and warn myself. Maybe I'd be somewhere in life. Some real butterfly effect shit.
>in my tree stand waiting for a god damn deer
>father is a few acres away
>have to shit...bad
>radio in operation bowel release is a go
>oh god why is my stomach hurting
>break out in a cold sweat finding a bush to shit in upwind
>sit down, rifle next to me ( it was bow season but moose, although an extremely rare one, are a dangerous threat)
>squat finally
>nothing for five minutes, fucking MRE
>then
>it hits
>my sphincter feels as if it had the pressure that a sea creature two miles under the ocean does
>a final release
>green and yellow splurt from my corrupted, stretching asshole, utterly destroying my once virgin boypussy
>this continues for another three minutes
>the stench is ungodly
>itsfinallyover.jpg
>second wave inbound
>this time, it stinks worse than every imaginable, throw up WHILE I FUCKING SHIT
>my ass is becoming intelligent, trying to mimic the musical instruments being played from oingo boingo it seems
>My ass, in its magnificent musicalness challenges me with notes
>i scream them in pain, matching each pitch
>after ten minutes of this deadly game, of which I lose, my asshole shall secede
>match the C# scale my antagonistic asshole is throwing out, staccato
>and that day, the birds scream and fly away
>my father comes to see what the hell is going on
>lay down, the battle is won, but the war is over
>"end it, father. Let it end honorably" i say while my sphincter pulsates in pure anger
>my once camo pants are green and brown
>have ptsd to this day

>>5131474
Damn. You sir gave me a good chuckle.

>>5131474
>boypussy

Ugh, you're disgusting

>>5131484
Thanks. I realized it was getting pretty awful half way through but I just rain with it.

I forgot to add tons of alliterations.

Welcome to the fires of pooper perdition, my mind said.

>>5131485
whut

This is the best thread.

>>5131485
that word makes me want to vomit.

>>5131509
>>5131485
Heesh you guys seem like grade A pussies.

Thank god you don't read my shota mangos.

>>5131515
Get out you pedo.

>>5131518
no.

But that really happened. Worst case of food poisoning in my life.

>>5121240
Wondering if anyone else caught the whole "FECAL MATTER FROM THE FOOD" bit.

I'm reading this and feeling like vomiting....

>>5131601

Ever been to a public restroom? Half the fucking people don't wash their goddamned hands.

I see guys on a daily basis walk in from the machine shop, wash a bunch of oil and gunk off their hands, take a piss and then leave without washing. "I can't get gunk on my junk, but I'm totally fine with getting my junk's gunk on everything!"

Not really a story just some input on the subject.

>friend decides to go into cooking after highschool
>very clumsy, doesn't care about personal hygiene
>rarely washes hands, eats from the floor etc.
>basically behaves like a hippie
>goes vegetarian then vegan
>starts working at some vegetarian joint

As his friend I know I'd never eat anything he prepares, I hope he had someone to yell at him while he had his internship and changed his habits.

>>5131652
> implying your penis any more filthy than the rest of your body

>>5131673
>this guy

It is yes. Read some books.

inb4 urine is sterile etc etc

>>5131673

I was my dick once a day and my hands dozens of times a day.

Then, you have to take into consideration perspiration and the like.

Yeah. I'm pretty damn sure my hands are cleaner than my dick at most times.

>Be lazy fuck
>Eat shit like frozen white castle burgers
>Microwave breaks on me, was installed into the wall
>Get a cheep replacement because I needed a microwave
>Only the left side cooks
>Cook frozen white castle burger that had cheeze
>Almost vomit for three hours, in that time eat fresh food to not puke
>Puke for the first time in 5 years
>Collapse
>110 fever the next day
>Day after can't walk and can barely move
And a year and a half later I invest in a george foreman and I have been a happier man ever since.

Not food poisoning but:

>Never eat school lunches ever, had bad experiences with them in elementary and middle school
>Last year of highschool, about 3 months from graduation
>No food to eat, starving, no lunch, just a few bucks
>Fuck it, I'll get the shitty cafeteria food I'm dying here
>Don't even remember what I ate
>Stomach hurt all day for another 4 hours
>Have to shit so so so so so badly in the last 20mins of class/bus ride home
>Every bump I thought I was going to rocket off my seat in diarrhea
>Forgot I had to walk home 1mile that day, same as every other day but when you mind is set on only 1 thing you can easily forget things
>Literally 100ft from my house on an agonizing walk home
>Shit begins to turtle out of my butt
>"This is it..."
>Begin to run inside my house trying SO hard not to shit everywhere
>Have to run upstairs to the bathroom, jesus christ why did I have to shit so bad today and go through this obstacle course of a route home/to the bathroom
>Literally can't take it anymore, pinch my pant legs closed and unleash the beast in my pants
>When I finally reach the bathroom 10 seconds later, I didn't have any shit left in my body so I just sat on the toilet in a bad mood for 10mins hoping I didn't get sick from the food

They were my favorite pair of pants too god damn it.

>>5132973

only once a day? gross... hope you don't have a grillfran, or if you do that you don't make her give you blowies.

>>5133396

>>5133402

you really wash your dick ONCE a day? ONCE?

that shit starts to smell.

>>5133412
not the washing, the "grillfran and "blowie" comments made me cringe

>>5133433
oh ok

you should just deal with it

>>5133440
Yeah, you're either a female or a gigantic faggot for using those words

>>5133412

Gross after one day? What the fuck are you doing with your dick that it becomes REPUGNANT after a single day?

>>5133756
Your mom.

>>5133766

>>5119219
OP's story mentioned his girlfriend many more times and nobody cared

THIS IS WHY I NEED FEMINISM

>>5133815
so?

>Christmas fair at primary school
>Eat hot dog
>fast forward to 12 am
>I'm about to be sick, I panic and rush to my parents room rather than the toilet
>as I head to their room I start to heave and try to hold it as I turn around back to the bathroom
>become a vomit volcano and throw up all over the hallway
>next 5 days I'm in bed with food poisoning so bad that I can't hold anything I eat down for more than 5 seconds
>christmas ruined

At ranch in middle of Pantanal in Brazil.
3 hour truck ride to most places; they took us to a local churrascaria. Amazing meats all over. Delish.
On 3 hour ride back... start feeling not so awesome. Horrible, in fact.
Hours later, arrive back at ranch and explosive horrible time.

Kid I was, I thought I was done for...

>>5116639
Not food poisoning but still pretty disturbing.

>3 years ago
>Got off of work didn't feel like going home and cooking because I had a bad day
>Didn't have enough money for a decent restaurant so I went to Subway
>Got a 6 inch baked Italian ham, turkey, meat ball and Swiss cheese melt.
>Got real tired all of the sudden so I decided to head home instead of eat there
>When I got my dinner table I took my first bite it's Subway so it's not going to be perfect
>About a little more than half way through I bite on something hard plastic like with a irony like taste
>fucking almost spit it out but it slowly slid out my mouth
>grabbed it and realized
>A piece of weed wacker line tainted in which I soon realized by the iron taste is blood
>Than look in what's left of the sub and about 2 more pieces of the weed wacker lining
>Puked Buckets

I never went there again or any subway for that matter, and decided not to call the cops because they might think I planted them in there to try to sue Subway. I still wonder to this day what kind of blood it was.

>2-ish years ago
>Up late watching movie, all the lights are off in the house
>Go into kitchen, grab old mug from back of the cabinet because the rest are in the dishwasher, get juice
>Go back to movie, completely finish drink
>Turn lights back on after movie and take mug back to kitchen
>See something black in the bottom of mug
>Oh God
>Mug is completely moldy at the bottom, coming up from the cracks in the ceramic, strong taste of cranberry juice must have drowned it out
>Spend next 2 days puking guts out and not keeping anything down, running to the bathroom to dry heave when there was nothing left
>Still obsessively check every glass or mug before I use it to this day

>>5134282
>moldy cups
Oh god
>always pour a glass of tea or water before bed
>have 3 or 4 half empty, moldy glasses in my room because i'm lazy as fuck
>wake up in the middle of the night thirsty as fuck
>grab the nearest cup and chug it before falling back asleep
>wake up the next morning
>fresh glass of tea is sitting un-drank on the dresser across the room
>look down in horror at the mold floating in the glasses next to the bed

>>5134354
Man that's nasty, keeping moldy shit by your bed.

>>5134354

how could you not taste the shitfuckass that was in your glass? ;__;

or like, notice that your drink was chunky? and don't give me a "i was 2 tired 4 dat" answer, those are shit.. ;__;

>>5134253

It's a weed whacker. It's like a whacker, for weeds?

>mother buys some salmon
>on computer downstairs from kitchen
>by the way I bought some salmon, anon, you should cook something with it, I left it on the counter
>okay
>she leaves
>ten minutes later go up to kitchen, sure enough, there it is
>start cooking with it
>in culinary school at the time, so really try my best to make a good meal out of it
>hand-rolled fettuccine with homemade alfredo sauce with shredded salmon and fresh herb chiffonade garnish
>this shit is divine, best thing I've made in my life up to this point, probably
>offer some to my dad
>no thanks anon, I don't like the herbs you put in it
>I can only wish I had his wisdom
>eat a bowl full
>four hours later
>something doesn't feel right in my lower abdomen
>race to toilet
>vomit all over lid, not fast enough
>barely have time to open the lid before I vomit again
>salmon fettuccine alfredo all over the toilet, the seat, and the floor around it
>the pain is blinding
>what did I do to deserve this
>puking so hard I'm sure my eyes are going to pop out of my head
>not even puking anything by this point, just retching uncontrollably
>why have you forsaken me, oh lord
>all the blood vessels in my face burst at once
>hours later, finally crying in a puddle of toilet water and vomit on the bathroom floor
>dad walks in
>hfw
>have to go to culinary school the next day with my face a nice shade of bright beet red
>have to tell everyone what I've done about five times
>later find out that that salmon had been sitting on the counter for about four hours before she told me
>thanks, mom

>>5134566
>It's like a whacker, for weeds?
Yes.

>>5131601
I'm the guy from the story. I always thought that some pissed of employee intentionally put some of his shit inside one of the salad bowls because he is pissed on somethng. I really thought of that...

i'm afraid of this shit happening to me

gonna meet my gf's parents and she said her mom was a good cook and is also japanese

i'm scurred of my stomach rebelling against dat food

pic related are the usual results of food poisoning except brown and not whitish

>>5134598
Four hours shouldn't do that to a sealed package of fish.

>>5131436
fuck off to /r9k/ now.

>>5125766
>>5125786

Is that you again, Ronnie?

>>5135435

Oh Ronnie...

>>5134566
This is a weed whacker.

Also read this http://chicago.cbslocal.com/2011/08/15/man-accused-of-murdering-father-with-weed-wacker/

>>5137746
>http://chicago.cbslocal.com/2011/08/15/man-accused-of-murdering-father-with-weed-wacker/
>Yashesh Desai struck him multiple times in the head with a weed trimmer, resulting in severe trauma to his head.

I pretty much guessed a weed whacker could be dangerous be Jesus Christ anon...

I work at a supermarket, just for reference. Also, the first part will make sense when I give you my theory.

>go with bro to pick up some computer parts
>about lunchtime
>"hey bro do you wanna just get takeout for lunch?"
>first mistake
>in little asia part of my city, loads of chinese, vietnamese, korean restaurants
>settle on a chinese place
>restaurant empty, except for old woman in queue ahead of us
>she is trying to pay with a debit card
>fails every time
>"THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE I HAVE $9000 ON THAT CARD"
>poor chinese lady can only stutter and apologise
>woman tries a different card, still fails
>"I AM NEVER BUYING HERE AGAIN THIS IS THE LAST TIME TERRIBLE SERVICE YOU OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED"
>pays with cash like a normal fucking human
>we order our food, card works first time
>wait around, get food before old lady, flash her a shit-eating grin as we leave
>vegetarian chow mein noodles, tastes pretty standard
>tastes kind of weirdly strongly of umami, despite not having any meat
>shrug and assume they used stock or something

Continued.

>>5137858
Next day.
>wake up 6am for work
>get dressed
>feel a little... off
>get to work
>after about half an hour I can feel the whole lower half of my body tensing up
>walk quickly through store
>cold sweats start, feels like shit running down my legs
>get to toilet
>no time
>drop pants
>aim
>spray rusty ass water with what feels like sand at bowl
>smells like rancid fish
>an uninterrupted 4 inch wide stream of bright orange/yellow chunkwater for at least 20 seconds
>do my best to clean up stall
>there were flecks of biological waste on the window
>the fucking window
>stench wafts down stairs to store
>as I leave I can feel it following me at ankle height
>walk straight out of store
>manager calls me an hour later
>asks where the hell I am
>"You know that horrible smell this morning?"
>"Yeah?"
>"That was me."
>"Oh..."
>"... Alright take care."

Keep reading for my theory as to what caused The Shittening.

>>5137867
Here's my theory.
>old woman complains like a bitch for ages
>writes her order down
>subsequently writes down our order on a different piece of paper
>gives this to the chef (and owner) of the restaurant
>tells him the first customer was a real bitch
>he sees our order first, assumes we were the first customer
>he does... something .... to our food (my brother had a similar experience)
>maybe just spits on it
>or possibly adds a lot of MSG to the mix (hence the umami taste)
>we become violently ill
>the victims of a poisoning not intended for us

I have told this tale many a time, even some times on /co/

>go to Joe's Crab Shack, this is before they closed down and were bought by somebody else/re-opened
>order some crab cakes and lemonade
>not sure what did it
>maybe it was because the lemonade was blue
>or maybe it was because the crab cakes tasted a bit funny
>finish my meal
>it was alright
>stand up
>immediately feel my bowels SPRING INTO MOTION
>OH SHIT
>i double over in pain
>begin to head for the restroom
>leaning on railing
>trying to hold in the Crabozuma's Revenge currently brewing in me

>i don't make it
>i literally shit my pants
>defeated, limp to the bathroom
>look at the damage
>it's 100% liquid
>like, we're talking chocolate milk
>whatever was in whatever i ate, it worked at me so fast that it happened within minutes
>have to drive home with chocolate-soaked pants the whole time
>mfw

Now, as a rule, I NEVER get seafood entrees from any chain restaurant. Only local, and only good local at that. If it's a seafood chain, I try not to go there, or in the case of Red Lobster I just eat the biscuits.

>Friend and I split a rack of precooked ribs
>PRECOOKED
>He claims I gave him food poisoning, I'm perfectly fine
I shiggitydiggitydoo

>>5137900
>my tummy hur-
>I HAVE FOOD POISONING

>>5137876
Or maybe it was cheap greasy Chinese food and that's what happens, for fucks sake.

>out for dinner with some friends
>order sea food, prawns, lobster, oyster and stuff
>wake up at 2am sweating profusely
>feel my guts churning and being twisted into a pretzel
>run to bath room
>explosivediarrhea.exe
>finish up, need to vomit
>get down on my hands and knees pver the toilet
>start vomiting
>explosivediarrhea.exe starts running again
>bathroom floor and wall it painted with shit

this continued on and off for another day.

>>5134691
It wasn't sealed.

>>5137937
If it happens agaim crawl into the shower, easier to clean afterwards

>be 14, curious
>know about food-poisoning
>wonder what pus tastes like
>day after starts on bathroom floor

it didn't taste bad.

>be me
>be in hospital with wife
>she's recovering from the birth of our two sons
>this is our last day there
>asks me to pick up her pain prescription in the adjacent building from the hospital
>they're technically part of the same complex
>go pick up prescription, feel hungry, decide to stop by the food court in that building
>look at menu
>"PHILLY CHEESESTEAK"
>whatcouldgowrong.jpg
>order and eat, tasted a little dry but it was "passable"
>leave hospital with wife and twins
>horrible stomache pains
>throwing up
>terrible shit

Funnily enough I hadn't actually realized what it was at first so I ended up exiling myself to the guest room for fear of getting the babies sick.

>>5116639
>11 years old
>find old pizza slice under the bed
>score
>Eat the shit out of it
>Feel funny
>Tell parents I don't feel well
>Shit my pants in front of them
>Start vomiting all over
>shit my self 4 more times

>>5138152

...what? How did you go about acquiring pus?

>>5137876
>>or possibly adds a lot of MSG to the mix (hence the umami taste)

Was this just an elaborate MSG troll?

>>5138185
>find old pizza slice under the bed

That's like something out of a 90's cartoon.

>>5116639

> be me, in college, living in rent house with four other people on the outskirts of town
> house sits on corner of busy interesction formed by county road and loop
> come in drunk at midnight, get munchies
> find some Earl Campbell's hot links in back of fridge
> they're only a week old.... what's the worst that can happen?
> consume sausage, go to sleep happy
> exactly seven hours and nineteen minutes later.......
> wake up with bubbleguts and the unfortunate knowledge that in the next fifteen seconds, I'm going to shit uncontrollably
> can't make it to bathroom, bolt out back door of house, drop tighty whiteys, squat in yard and unleash Hell
> a solid stream of liquishit issues forth unabated from my sphincter
> I look over my shoulder and the intersection beside the house is packed with cars
> oh, god. it's a monday and half the county is out there driving to work and taking their kids to school
> and they're all watching me shit myself in the yard

To this day, Earl Campbell's hot links make me shudder.

>>5138185
How can you be so retarded? You were 11, not 18 months old.

Reading this thread made me realize how fucking disguting America is.

>>5138466
>hurr durr merica

>>5125801

Yeah, miracle drugs.

>>5138193
It was, at the very least, better crafted than most. Unfortunately, he didn't really hide the punchline; he just kind of threw it in at the end, which made the troll a bit obvious.

>>5138193
My mom mistook for sugar my unlabelled jar of MSG and made an apple crisp with it and tried to eat it and got a headache.

>>5139333
why would you put msg in anything?
On purpose?

>>5139400
It's the essence of umami, like salt is the essence of salty. It's a pretty great flavor enhancer, used sparingly.

>>5121492
Next thing you will tell me you do not eat raw fish, or fish heads you extremely sheltered faggot of homosexual proportions.

>>5140989
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cTpUVAcvWfU
Fish head, fish heads, roly poly fish heads.

>>5140989
Not the same anon but I don't eat those things.

>>5121481
dude, that sounds like a food allergy.

Sorry I know that I'm late to the thread.

>>5131474
Goddamnit soldier that was a beautiful display of patriotism. 10/10 post, at ease. Could not stop giggling.

>>5134253
WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK?

>get macdolans because nostalgia
>that evening start vomiting
>entire next day spent passed out or vomiting in toilet
>slept next to toilet
>pt day after had me vomiting in formation
>get counseled for being extra hooah that day

>>5140989
>fish heads
out of my way pesant

>eat really bad subway because februany last year
>something was off, tasted like alcohol for some reason
>still eat because It was my gorge day
>go home
>wake up at 3 AM
>my stomach is tossing and turning
>it's like the russian revolution is being fought in my bowels
>go to the people's bathroom
>sit down, sweat, about to cry from the pain. Hold onto my sister's handlebars (we live together and she had major hip surgery)
>sounds like i'm pissing
>wait a minute
>slowly come to the realization I'm pissing out my ass

It was awful. I also threw up later.