/ck/ - Food & Cooking

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDGqtjcyxlQ
Holy shit this entire video is fucking gold, she gets literally everything wrong

>>6988440
What is that fast forward at about 6:30? The whole video is creepy as fuck. It's like an alien trying to infiltrate earth.

>>6988440


GOAT. The fancy music and intro thats not indicative of what's to follow. A /ck/ classic.

>>6988440
>not adding a bottle of oil to everything you eat
>not knowing where the flavour is

>>6988440
This is so weird

The more you watch it the more weird things you notice

>>6988409
>how to chop your fucking fingers off.webm

>>6988440
>homemade tomato sauce
>first ingredient is canned tomato sauce

>>6988440
this video makes me so uncomfortable

>>6988440
Just because your grandparents happen to come from Italy doesn't make everything you happen to make fucking Italian!

>>6988440
>comments are disabled for this video

>>6988440
Holy fuck I think I'm worse at cooking for having watched this. Jesus Christ I could compile a list a mile long of the things wrong with this shit.

>>6989489
It doesn't even make you Italian. Americans who don't speak Italian and have never lived in Italy should call themselves American, without any caveat

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K-PKO2FrdPY

search carbonara on youtube and you will find all kinds of fucked up shit

>>6990638
Good.
God.

>>6990638
What the fuck did I just watch

>>6989348
>posting Tumblr: the show

Fuck off

>>6988409
God damn it how the fuck did she not slice a finger. Fuck.

>>6990696
There is no need to be upset.

>>6990638
>that dirty ass stove

also, asian "cabonara" is always this fucked up. i dont get it.

>>6988409

>>6990756
ive been using pressure cookers for many years and never fucked it up but i always have that fear when something like that will eventually happen.

You guys know that that video was made for a culinary course, right?

Students were supposed to watch it and name all the things she was doing wrong.

>>6990768
Proof?

>>6988440
i don't know which is worse: the recipe or the camerawork

>>6988440
Did she just waste a whole onion and more for a fucking sauce?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4lwLUO_SEs

>>6990781
Why...

>>6990767
they should have a safety valve, and if they don't have one don't use it.

>>6990781

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

>>6990781
got a mirror?

>>6990828
No sorry, that was the only place I could find it. It was a fairly obscure show even when it was on television, and that was years ago.

>>6990781

>>6990751
Posting faggots the show

>>6990781
oh man

>>6990828
use a random youtube proxy and it will show up

>>6990848
>getting this mad over pictures

>>6988440
Anyone got the thread screencap of the anon that actually made this?

>>6990792
>>6990799
>>6990843
>>6990855

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0bAc6mc5GM

slightly longer clip.

>>6988440
Meatball video is better imo
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6FiRjxaNTWM

Skip to 4:00 for the money shot

>>6990866
>being this gay
>>>/dumblr/

>>6990914
>We need to open this can.
>Should we use a can-opener?
>FUCK IT, STAB IT WITH A KNIFE!

>>6988440
This is a satire right?

>>6990914
Well. I spent twenty angry minutes trying to get youtube-dl to work through a proxy, so have a webm anyway.

>>6990943
Saved for future threads

>>6990943
sweet fucking jesus, and they hammer the knife into a can to open it afterwards. How can anyone be so ignorant... there's the internet if your family doesn't have the knowledge...

>>6990638
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

>>6990926
>mfw 3:48
>WA LA

>>6990952
It gets even better when you realise what that show is:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Restaurant_(UK_TV_series)

>>6990926
>>6990638
>>6988409
This is what happens when you get all your recipes handed to you by your plebeian family and friends - without picking up a cookbook or seeking professional guidance at any point in your life

>>6988409
Anyone have that cooking channel with the dude that sounded like a demon from the depths of hell

>That awful thing she does to that garlic

>>6990971
No, you do not have permission.

>>6990926
>very first shot is a close up focussed on the cabinets in the background
>approximately two shakes of my wrist
>that meat holocaust three minutes in
>WA LA
>fucking dump half the mix on the counter

Barely halfway through and I am dying.

>>6988440
fuck me this is disturbing
the whole video from the shitty focusing to the horrible cooking to the creepy stares into the camera

>>6990985
>I was being careful because of the possible transfer of microbes from the counter to the meatballs
Just really bizarre

>>6990926
I get the feeling Maria is a grandma who thinks she has some god given recipe from her great italian ancestors and she is having her grand children film all of this.
I noticed some children talking in the background and the shoddy camera work makes me think that maybe she has some kid that's getting into film editing and wanted to film her making this shit.

>>6988440
>>/ck/thread/S6240305

>>6990638
>that beta bf at the end who's too much of a pussy to tell her that her food tastes like garbage
that shit honestly looks so vile, some genuine relationship-ending material right there

>>6990638
Good god. I went into this expecting her to break some special carbonara rule that I don't know about since I'm unfamiliar with the dish, but... Good god.

>>6990768
I need some evidence for this assertion. I've never heard of this and she doesn't have any other videos that suggest it should be for a cookery course.

>>6990926
>dramatic pause - BREADCRUMBS
>must be completely stirred without... having problem
>approximately an inch and a half of oil
>audio just goes silent for some reason

I seem to have lost it.

>>6990638
no. just no.

>>6990638

>hotdogs in everything

Pinoy cooking 101. Im surprised there wasn't any ketchup in this recipe.

>>6990768
>yfw marie is a top chef at a culinary arts school and is trolling us all
This is how people like jack come about with their shitty YouTube channels thinking they're the shit.

>>6990993
germaphobes are fucking idiots sometimes

>>6991059
We had a Filipino lady cook for us for a few weeks before we fired her and got her arrested for stealing
>always cooked really heavy meat stews and bakes even though it was the middle of summer
>grated cheese into everything she cooked
>no concept of browning meat before cooking it properly (fucking hated those boiled rubbery sausages)
>no concept of skimming off excess fat from the meat, bolognese etc. came swimming in oil
>didn't know how to cook vegetables unless boiled in a stew until they were mush
>never added any salt to her dishes, but always handfuls of pepper
Last I'd heard she'd been deported, top kek

>>6990943
I just love the fact that even after the coconut is opened, she rushes to bring her friend a bowl, a bowl with a giant knife inside it of course.

>>6990768
No, that's not the case at all. Some anon said it would be funny if that were true in a thread one time, and then somehow retards started taking that as fact.

>>6990638
>search carbonara on youtube and you will find all kinds of fucked up shit

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KeGQ9jl0wJg

>>6991120
no pls

>>6991059
dirty Filipino here. im so glad growing up, my parents didnt put hot dogs and ketchup in everything.

my relatives did though. fuck them.

>>6990781
My dick shriveled up instinctively.

>>6991092
Do you work offshore or something? Can't imagine how those farts would smell in an enclosed area.

>>6991066
You can tell just by listening to her talk she has no idea what the fuck she is doing.

>>6990993
>>6991034

are both great examples

>>6990638
He actually eats it. The absolutest madman.

>>6990768
>>6990773
>>6991031
>>6991119

it's completely made up bullshit and i have no idea why anyone believed it to be the case. like, her shit is eccentric and fucked up but it makes no sense to show this to a person as an example of everything NOT to do, it's not like they're common mistakes.

>>6991120
I refuse to belive this was made as a serious recipe.

>>6990926
>about tree shakes
>and then a zip and half

>>6991169
Marketing money makes people do strange and terrible things.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9pjmp4bQezs

>>6990993
Holy shit, I'm dying at the microbes thing. And she makes these faces like she's making up the shit as she's going along.

>>6991169
>>6991194

ain't never seen a sellout til you seen this nigga

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FwIn2_m_zmw

>>6990638
>>6991194
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ao9Oi1HPbSk

double whammy

>>6991204
>>6991212
I remember stumbling on this bullshit last year. Does anyone know how much he was paid to destroy his indie cred this publicly?

>>6991212
this is huh...wow.

>>6990696
>>6990848

you seem triggered

do you need a safe space?

>>6988409
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WyyEc-GNDfQ&t=2m23s

>>6991219
It's kinda sad, I don't think the guy has properly cooked for years.

He goes on the Aussie Masterchef and does "masterclasses", but he literally only ever cooks bachelor tier dishes like mac and cheese. They all still fawn over it like he's just pissed foie gras.

>>6991259
Just like rock n roll, it's better to burn out than fade away.

>>6991259
>>6991278

personally i think it's great. spent his prime years earning a fucking bulletproof reputation and then just chilled the fuck out in italy, occasionally showing up to hit on reality tv contestants, wave his hands affirmatively at hotel steakhouses in business parks and shill stock cubes. what a great life.

>>6990943
this makes me anxious

>>6990943
I found that somewhat erotic

Is this cheating?

>>6991320
It's Jack so yes, we can just assume whatever it is he's doing is fucking stupid and wrong.

>>6991212

I picture alot of his old friends meeting him at a bar or whatever and saying "what happened to you, man?"

Must be embarrassing. You can tell by the way he paces back and forth in these poorly directed videos.

>>6988440

>Peeling and washing onion and garlic

Fucking he- Wait, why is there a break?

>>6991328
yeah he is crying himself to sleep every night in his new 40 million dollar yacht

>>6991204
rice and peas does not literally mean peas REEEEEEEEE

>>6991212
>you may ask why do i season my water with Knorr Chicken Stock Pot, and not salt?

>the reason why, is Knorr Chicken Stock Pot makes your pasta taste better than with salt

jesus

>>6991367
dont hate on him for trying to take you to flavortown

>>6991350
there is more to life than just money.

>>6991395

yes

all the things you can buy with said money

>>6991397
whatever makes you happy. but not everyone feels like this.

>>6988440
Every time someone posts this video, specifically in these type of threads, I always feel obliged to watch this.

>>6991320
That small webm filled me with rage

>>6991402

....ok?

you sure showed marco. 'not everyone feels like making money is a good way to improve your quality of life chef. just wanted to let you know that. suckerrrrr'

>>6991407
I'm working on something worse. I'm having to learn how to actually edit videos though, so it might be shit.

>>6990781
Jesus fucking Christ...

>>6991414
what is your point? I just said that there are people who value their reputation, moral integrity, pride, whatever more than money.
if you are unable to understand it I feel really sorry for you.

>>6991439

your reputation is just as much of a superficial material commodity as anything else. marco has not violated his moral integrity by selling chicken stock pots. grow up. if you want to be a good person, be a good person and stop thinking it has anything to do with what cunts on the internet think about you.

>>6991439
>>6991414
>>6991402
>>6991397
>>6991395
Neither side of your argument matters. Stop shitting up the thread already. If you absolutely have to be right on the itnernet, exchange email addresses and send each other dick pictures to find out who has the biggest peen or something.

>>6991451

it's 4chan. we come on here because there's nothing to shit up, we can say what we want.

>>6991447
he did sell his moral integrity by selling chicken stock. and I don't really care what internet thinks abut me. I don!t see where you got this from.

>>6991451
nah

>>6991434
http://www.wikihow.com/Open-a-Coconut

she did it right

>>6990638
>using a metal spoon on a non-stick saucepan

Enjoy eating cancer

>>6991460

>and I don't really care what internet thinks abut me

i'm saying marco is an example of someone who doesn't worry about that kind of stuff, it's not about you. selling chicken stock is not a violation of your moral integrity. granted, he lies to do it. i don't think this does anyone any harm though.

>>6990943
I don't know how to open a coconut in a kitchen. My family just took the coconut outside and bashed it against a rock or took the knife sharpener to the eye. How do you open it?

>>6991462
Did you even read the article? None of the methods advocate hitting a knife with a hammer into the coconut with the sharp end underneath your fingers.

>>6991481
She switched to the seam method which says to use a knife
and of course you'll have a knife under your fingers for one second while cooking. it doesn't mean you're using it while having your fingers there.

It's like if I told you "don't forget to wear your seatbelt!" as you're grabbing your safety belt to fasten it. You know better. I just told you so before you did it so it looks like you're a dummy.

>>6991480
you look for the seam and give it a good whack with a rolling pin or the back of a heavy knife and it should pop right open.

>>6991468
those little stock jellies are still better than the powdered shit most people use anyway. if him being a sellout makes the food most people cook a little better, who can really complain?

>>6991421
Lazy man's enchiladas. The horror.

What am I doing with my life.

>>6990971

>>6990926
Jesus christ she just throws away half of it.

>>6988440

>cutting the garlic with the skin still on

I screamed.

>>6991502
IT'S 80% CHEESE HOLY SHIT

I imagine the sodium content would drop your average man in a heartbeat.

>>6991502
would eat at church potluck

>>6991528
gotta keep a look out for those pesky microbes

A classic i can't believe it hasn't been posted yet
https://youtu.be/yq7_s8Y6uG8

>>6991502
As a European, I must ask. Are all Mexicans fat because of this shit? This is about the amount of cheese a pizzeria goes through on a regular night. For fuck's sake.

>>6991545
You've reminded me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3WwNbLhreKM

>>6991548
That is just gross people being gross.

>>6991545
This makes me feel sad because I imagine his wife cooked delicious meals for him every day without fail until she died, and now he's reduced to this because he never had to cook for himself before.

>>6991502
I was afraid she wasn't going to mix it up
But then there was milk? I just don't fucking know

>>6991545
I wasn't ready for that feel

like >>6991564 said, it's just sad

>>6991545
is that the guy who showed us how to eat a watermelon?

changed my life fam

>>6991545
this was by far the most painful to watch

>>6991574
The milk is for if it isn't wet (juicy (beautiful)) enough

>>6991548
Mexican cuisine does have a lot of cheese in it, but obviously King cuck Jack gets his interpretation totally wrong. What was in that webm was not enchiladas....it was some sort of monster.

Mexicans are fat for a lot of reasons, including drinking a ton of Coca Cola and having a good portion of their cuisine be fried.

>>6991588
people make what is essentially mexican lasagna and call it enchiladas all the time and this is a pretty good approximation of that. The milk and the chips tho is new territory for me but i would still eat it.

yes i am fat

>>6990638
why are they eating from a fucking bucket?

>>6991502

It looked like a fucking cake, bruh.
Panic

>>6991488
>http://www.wikihow.com/Open-a-Coconut

It says to use a heavy knife and on the blunt end which she didn't do. The reason you use a heavy knife is because you can't hit it with a fucking rolling pin on the sharp side. In their picture they have a cleaver which has a serrated edge on the blunt side for doing shit like that.

>>6991564
>>6991575

Don't worry lads, based Tom is above the need for a woman. He has stated in his Q&As that he is not and has never been married.

>>6991554

>>6991022

>>6991120
Fuck you that looks good.

>>6991679
I mean honestly if she used real sausage, and used heavy cream instead of water, and used real cheese it would have been a decent attempt.

>>6991688
wrong video dummy

>>6990638
>her other videos

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZJ4jR-0b5U
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=URpOxVtHRSI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VbMhU5BjwgA

She literally uses pure butter as a cooking oil. Honestly what is it about Filipinos and concocting the most vile dairy overload abominations possible?

I've had several Filipinos cook for me and they all do this

>>6991697
whoops

>>6991698
>She literally uses pure butter as a cooking oil

what

there's nothing wrong with that

>>6991698
>She literally uses pure butter as a cooking oil.
so what? unless you use overload or let it burn, it's better than many oils. especialy for friyng meat. seriously try it but it has to be real butter.

>>6991721
>>6991742

Butter is used to baste certain foodstuffs. You should be using some sort of vegetable oil as your primary frying oil unless you want everything you eat to taste of dairy. You also can't heat butter on its own without some vegetable based oil in the pan first, otherwise it will burn.

Frying canned tuna in butter is just straight up disgusting

>>6991749
>Frying canned tuna in butter
frying canned tuna in anything is straight up disgusting. and yes you need to either clarify it or add some vegatble oil so it doesn't burn as I said. or just heat it only for short period of time.
I don't use it as full oil substitude but for example young carrots quickly fried in butter are fucking delicious.

>>6991749

>You also can't heat butter on its own without some vegetable based oil in the pan first, otherwise it will burn.

this is such an annoying bollocks. you aren't decreasing the smoking point of the butter solids by mixing it with vegetable oil. all you're doing is making less of the cooking fat burnable. it will still burn.

>>6991554
Holy shit man... This actually upset me the most. An adult had to help with the ingredients. By proxy, an adult helped this kid make, and then eat this shit on camera.

>>6991320
JUST DUMP A WHOLE THING OF SALSA IN IT. FUCK SAUTEEING ANYTHING JUST FUCK MY CUCK HOLE UP STEW. WATCHING THIS GUY COOK MAKES ME SO FUCKING ANGRY REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>6991545
god damn I felt bad for the man when explained about the microwavable dish but this fucking comment killed me

>>6990977
Foodwishes?

>>6990638
>filipina
I knew it as soon as she broke out the hotdogs

They are the flyovers of asia

>>6991763
This is what I meant: for foods which require a high cooking temperature - i.e. meats - you can use butter to baste, but if you try to cook with butter as your base oil, the butter will burn before it gets hot enough for cooking. It's great for basting, but you need your meat cooking in some properly hot vegetable oil first

>>6991548
There s nothing mexican in that "dish"

>>6991545
>microwaving an egg
>microwaving bacon
>not buttering the toast
>using oil for a grilled cheese
>not preheating the pan
>flour out of nowhere

>>6991784
why do they call sausages hot dogs?

>>6991806
because they are hot dogs, the best they get there is the same as low quality crap from the US

>>6991811
I thought a hot dog was a sausage in a bread roll?

>>6991784
Not even the flyovers, they're the niggers of Asia, yes worse than pakis/indians

>>6991254
>falling for Marie's nonsensical onion slicing method
shiggy

>>6991548
there's nothing mexican about that m8.

>>6990638
>garlic before onion
I'm literally shaking right now.

>>6991545
dude's eating charcoal

>>6991827
Its both. Hot Dogs the sausage are like pureed sausage filler with a binding agent. Hot Dogs the meal are that sausage in a bun with topings

>>6988440
There is something so sad about this woman. I feel like she represents the mid-life crisis which awaits a white spoiled trophy wife when she turns 45 and realizes she hasn't done anything in her life. So she tries making a show about what she feels like she is best at, cooking, and gets the real truth from the internet.

>>6991827
the type of sausage used are actually called franks, but are usually referred to as just "hot dogs". There are other types of sausage-in-a-bun type things that are not referred to as hot dogs, such as brats.

>>6991845
It's not like it matters, she starts boiling the entire sad mess before it has a chance to colour anyway

>>6991502
I still don't get the milk...

>>6991854
My grandad liked the burnt bits on food, maybe old guys just find the taste pleasant.

>>6991502
Would eat/10

>>6988440

>banana hoarder
>soggy basil
>mfw

Also I lost my shit when she dumped that oil in the sauce and tossed the veggies.

>>6991764
Now you're getting it

>>6988440
I don't think it was all that bad. She seems like a nice lady. The food looks like it would taste pretty good, too. I would like eating her dinner :)

>>6991827
no, that's a hot dog sandwich

>>6988440
Who else remembers when an anon actually made it?

>>6991320
That seems like an expensive way to make a "stew" but damn does it look good

>>6991969
NO IT FUCKING DOESN'T

>>6991955
Jesus Christ Marie

>>6991969
Get a load of this faggot

>>6991985

>>6991995
Lol, cool

But for real, it looks good

>>6990926
Jesus fuck what the hell is wrong with this woman

>>6991999

I know, I look good in fuchsia as well.

:^)

Wanna touch tips ?

>>6991999
Bet you like the look of this too fuccboi

>>6992004
That legitimately looks extremely tasty. I would definitely eat it. I would enjoy it.

>>6992025
Mmhmm, I knew you would boi

>>6991969
>>6992025
jack is that you?

>>6992031
>>6992025
>>6992004
>>6992039

Get that Ja/ck/ slobber all up in them meats

>>6988440
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ttC7KbE_uDo
SOMEONE ACTUALLY DID IT

>>6992045
did he died?

>>6992045
does olive oil taste good?

>>6992049
Not when you drink it by the liter

>>6991502
>American lasagna.

>>6992045
>I have to go to the hospital, for real this time.
HAH

>>6991955
That thread was hilarious

>>6991868

This could be pretty accurate but let's be honest she doesn't look like she has ever been a trophy wife, she's more like that sad single mom with 4-5 kids who just doesn't give enough shit to learn new things because her mother was even worse.

>>6992045
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJdeLu-Bz08

>>6991545
Fuck you for making me think of this
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3MTwPn-kvO8

>>6991545
>reusing a one-time use plastic container
good thing he's already old

>>6990781
What the actual fuck?!

>>6992045
That's pretty impressive.

>>6991800
>not microwaving bacon

It's the superior way, if you don't believe me, just try it

>>6992103
he is a repeat child molestor

>>6988440
>garlic powder
>onion powder
>fresh and homemade

>>6991548
all they can drink is coca cola and beer because their water is rat poison so that's probably why

>>6991658

>>6990638
2:10-2:16 fucked me up

>>6990756
is that a fuckin bear spray in the kitchen

>>6992412
What the hell is in bear spray? Is it just strong mace or some shit?

>>6991545
flour?
what the fuck

>>6991545
hwole hweat bread

>>6990638
Actually keked the second she threw in the fucking Kraft singles

>>6991502
I mean it looks good but good fucking hell it's all just cheese
filename said enchiladas, but this wasn't even fucking close.

I've made some kickass chicken enchiladas before. Good shit.

>>6988409
ITT, op has posted over 250 times; no one cares as everyone that glanced at this thread has seen it over 500 times.

>>6990638
no one mentioning the "canned cream" which came out solid.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VXQltHSkyY

>>6992481
>I mean it looks good
>it looks good
>good

do you perhaps have metal problems?

>>6992537
>auntie

>>6990781
Holy fuck, she has her fingers right under the edge when she's hitting the knife, that would have undoubtedly chopped off her fingers hadn't the coconut been so hard.

>>6991545
>he constantly thanks people who are in the comments
Very nice.

>>6991194
his knife work is atrocious

>>6991698

>what would you like for dinner?

>just go ahead and fuck my shit up fam

>>6991969
this reads like something Jack would write

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdnQ0nO3AcY

who remembers this guy? he shits on everyone in this thread.

>>6992537
dont you dare insult based Auntie Fee

>>6990971

fuck this got me completely off guard

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qptfhu9R0WI

watch an old lady complain about her boss for 3 minutes and eat bread with a spoon

>>6992720
this is just sad man

>>6991749

>what is ghee

>>6992720
Jesus, I feel like she's going to collapse at any moment

>>6992748
>tfw her second latest vid is a memorial vid
>tfw she died

>>6991204
>organic brown rice takes 20 mintues more than non-organic
wut

>>6991502
After looking at the video.
There is a point where she could have stopped, 3 of them, and it would improve it.
Instead its tomato sauce and cheese.

And that is horrible

>>6990638
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>6990926
>eggs are the secret ingredient to meatballs

The fuck? People have been putting eggs into meatballs and burgers since Jesus invented sliced bread.

>>6991869
Too hard for the average American to say Frankfurter and Bratwurst?
How long until you guys start saying hamburgs or simply hams unironically?

Things that aren't okay:

1. This >>6991502

>>6991502
I... would probably eat that.

I feel like such a fat cunt just looking at it though.

>>6992426
just the nozzle spray. it's set to mist instead of stream

>>6992103
jesus fucking christ just looking at the start of a weber cooks video makes me crack up. I'm fucking crying over here

>>6992684
Masao is king, but it's not even fair
did you see the peach & hotdog smoothie he made

>>6992537
this is fucking amazing

>nice woman makes some rustic cuts for some old-ass home recipe
>spergs sperg because she doesn't use surgery grade cuts

Get fucked, cunts. Why don't you go buy another set of overpriced Nesmuk jahrhundertmesser to cut your organic activated almonds

>>6990638
>cheese

>>6991545

>>6992556
At first I thought that was a typo, but then I thought yeah they probably ate lead paint or something.

>>6991854
>mfw i like my toasted sandwiches dark brown to black

Get the fuck off of lawn god damn it. In the Army everything wheat based is burnt. ADAPT OR DIE

>>6991554
Oh god.
That voice, the sounds he makes, that shitty ruined burger. Holy fuck, it made me mad.

>>6991120
holy shit this makes me so fucking mad

it's like they chose the laziest option for every single ingredient

>>6990943

thank you!

>>6991204
he was such a fucking good chef as well, I don't know how he sleeps at night (apart from on a bed of money)

>>6990985

I find a lot of bad cooks are overly anal about kitchen hygiene, or at least pretend to be.

Washing your hands, having a clean counter and working with meats and vegetables in separate areas is all you need. How are you supposed to develop an immune system?

>>6992720
Yeah it's sad, but it's about a historically tough time she is sad because she is reliving them.
The recipe is how to eat super stale bread because it's all you had for fucks sake

>>6992997
(on a bed of money with a pretty woman)

>>6992858
>Too hard for the average American to say Frankfurter and Bratwurst?
They're not really frankfurters, for one. They're a bastard child of vienna sausages and frankfurters traditionally made with scraps and have been called "hot dogs" for more than 125 years at this point.

>>6991502
dear god
i can feel my arteries clogging just from saving this webm

>>6992858
No, it'd just be a disgrace to real Frankfurters to call those processed shits Frankfurters.

>>6993003
She looks like the anti-vax type.

>>6990926
Why the does she measure everything in shakes and zips?

>>6990926
>>6988440

Clearly doing this on purpose, probably so a cooking class can watch it to point out all the things she's doing wrong.

No one cracks eggs that well then messes up the basics of cooking.

>>6992478
>this bit is optional

>>6993123
My ten year old cousin can crack eggs one-handed and never get shells in, but she doesn't even know why we put garlic in our food

anon cu/ck/ cuts an onion like king ja/ck/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1L88z5OU_EQ

>>6991535
80% what?

>>6991480
Drain it by hammering a (clean) 6"+ nail, full tang screwdriver or skewer type tool into two of the "eyes," pulling it out then pour the milk into a glass.

Then, holding the coconut in one hand and a hammer in the other, hammer it hard and repeatedly all around the "equator." It takes a little while but after a short time you hear the banging of the hammer sort of dampened and you know you've cracked it. It should come apart neatly along the line you've been hammering it.

To get the flesh out once it was opened, I sliced the insides into a grid and then pryed the squared pieces out with a strong paring knife.

It makes a bloody loud noise while you're hammering away at it so don't do this at 4am unless you have very understanding neighbours.

>>6993176
>6"+ nail
Actually a much smaller nail would work, obviously. Don't know why I said 6"+. It has to get through the flesh inside the coconut as well as the shell though, so I reckon no less than 2".

>>6988440
what the fuck is this weird fever dream I'm so uncomfortable

>>6990943
Was I the only one more concerned for the knife than for the fingers of the dumb broad smashing it with a rolling pin?

>>6993176
When I was younger (5-6) I used to help my grandma open coconuts by putting them in a plastic bag and bash them on the concrete

>>6991545
>That poor guy thinking everyone likes it

>>6993238
I guess there isn't really a wrong way to open a coconut unless someone gets hurt or some equipment gets damaged, or the food gets contaminated or something.

I used to live with a Wado karate black belt. I brought back a coconut one day and he asked if he could open it for me. He held it over the sink in one hand and smashed it open with a few whacks from his elbow. No shit. Made me wonder what he could do to a man's skull.

>>6991545
>flour
does he know bread is already made of flour?

>tfw you've been watching so many shitty cooking videos that it's all YouTube will recommend to you
>tfw there's also a snake eating a man for some terrifying reason

>>6992537
Auntie Fee don't play around.

>>6990638
I don't feel so good after watching this what the fuck

>>6991698
>Honestly what is it about Filipinos and concocting the most vile dairy overload abominations possible?
To be fair, food is a new thing to them. They've been living on dirt and urine up until the 90's

You know, I can forgive shit like putting cream in a carbonara sauce or whatever. I'm not that uptight.

But the amount of carbonara recipes in this thread without ANY EGGS in them.... do people just not even know what a carbonara is?

>>6993286
Gotta appeal to the snek demographic, anon.

Not only humans eat.

>>6988409
Why do people keep posting this shit? I know her personally and she has aspergers. She works at a grocery store near me and her name is Lisa. At least she's trying, guys. Where's this webm from anyway?

>>6993388
Nvm I'm retarded. I should've looked one post down

>>6993388
>people with aspergers can't be funny

Back to reddit, homophobe.

>>6993388
I have Asperger's too, but at least I know how to cut a fucking onion.

>>6991120
Read Philadelphia cream cheese's comment directed to katalina125. Bitch gets rekt

>>6991874
Keeps the bottom moist and from burning to the bottom of the pan

>>6993388
>woman does shit that makes no sense for the rest of the civilized world
>it's okay i know her she has asparagus autismus

Stop defending stupid peoplw with mostly made up diseases, America. Most people are just really stupid.

>>6991502
>the milk

>>6993447
>>6993393
>>6993400
Forgot to mention her son committed suicide by OD. Which is why I think it's shitty to post that webm. But you guys didn't know that so I can't really blame anyone.

>>6993442
Incorrect. In the video she says that you add milk if the chips aren't completely coated with liquid. She says that you don't want it to be too dry because the liquid will be absorbed during baking.

>>6990638
>This is a very quick & easy recipe.
jesus christ, real carbonara is like million times faster and easier recipe

>>6992720

>>6993388
How is Lisa's war against the microbes?

>>6993487
this is the best part. she actually makes it incredibly disgusting and more complicated.

>>6993455
clever story that you made up

>>6992076
One of the last great /ck/ threads. Definitely up there with Ronnie's Burgers.

>>6993532
>Ronnie's Burgers.

I must have missed that. Archive link?

>>6993528
I don't see how it's clever in any way and why the fuck would I waste my time making up a boring ass story for her?

>>6993447
>Stop defending stupid peoplw with mostly made up diseases, America. Most people are just really stupid.

Autism isn't made up, and having autism doesn't make you stupid. Lots of people with autism are really smart. It's just that fucktards on this site have been overusing the word so much that this whole community has no idea what the word actually means.

Marie is an idiot, and autism is no excuse.

>>6993455
Neither is her son killing himself. Everyone has some personal tragedy in their life. That's not an excuse for committing garlic holocaust. Again, I have autism AND my father abused me as a child, and I still know not to put a gallon of oil into a tomato sauce.

>>6993532
The Ronnie's Burgers shit was retarded. I still don't understand why /ck/ went all white knight on the guy. All he did was call a bunch of niggers who were being niggers niggers.

>>6993553

What i meant by made up is the fact that a lot of kids are misdiagnosed and if they don't just sit quietly and do whatever they're told they get some diagnose that starts with A and then get put on medication just because they're children and want to explore the world and do stupid shit because they don't know any better. A lot of people diagnosed with autism or assburgers or ADD don't really have it, it's just that they're parents are lazy and want doctors to prescribe medication because it's easy and they don't care that they are fucking up their kids. This woman that fucks up everything acts completely normal only does stupid shit because most likely she is just stupid and/or uneducated properly and if someone ever diagnose her with assburgers, it was just because it was way more polite than to say that she is a stupid woman in her 50's and that's the root of her problems.

>>6990943
Saved. Thank you, based anon.

>>6993672
Oh lawd, so much this.This country is full of misdiagnosed and over medicated people, and it's creating a mess.

>>6990638
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.............

>>6993123
absolutely incorrect, listen to the way she talks

>>6993286
I have this problem with Jack's videos now

>>6993450
I've never seen a Planescape Torment reference on 4chan until today

>>6994026
When did you start posting here? Yesterday?

>>6994029
yep

Carbonara
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWWHQItzY_g

>>6994058
>Pahn-chitta
>Pahna-a
>Beshemela
>Parmigdano RRejjiano
>grrrana padano

im so triggered right now

>>6991789
but you're wrong
source: I pan-fried two beef steaks tonight

>>6990926
I don't make meatballs that often, but isn't four eggs a bit much? And does it matter that much what cut of meat you use? She's using SIRLOIN.

>>6994080
yes, especially since she dumps half the meat on the counter
the egg is used to bind the ingredients together, not as a main component of meatballs

>>6990638
Hands down the most foul thing I've seen on foodtube.

>>6990638
I have no words

>>6991545
that is awful

>>6988409
>wa la
Bitch, how dare you!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhqa3jTxYUU

>>6992537
Is that the prestigious Detroit Culinary School I've heard so much about?

>>6994058
>noodles

>>6994893
Henry is a god tier troll and clearly does not belong in this thread

>>6991883
sometimes burned bits on food taste nice, kinda depends what food though, and the moderation is always important.

>>6994893
He's a comedian that's an act bro

>>6994963
They just went online and this is one of the head chiefs

>>6991502
>americans prepare food in throughs

>>6994058
>calling all pasta "noodles"
>handles eggs and then touches other things. the salmonella can be on the egg shell, YOU MOTHERFUCKING IDIOT!!!!
>LUNCH MEAT??????? FFS
>fucking kids talking in the background
>using a steak knife to cut the onion (did he go to marie's school of the home made italian?)
>doesn't know the difference between browning and caramelizing onions
>THIS STILL ISN'T ENOUGH EGGS. jesus are we making carbonara or breakfast?
>adds salt enough though parmesan is salty as fuck
>of course cream
>of course non stick
>helpful fun fact; any pan can be nonstick if you add enough oil!!! gee, thanks
>using a fucking drink mixing tool for cooking. i cant deal
>sauce looks like bits of scrambled eggs. good job loser.
>EVEN MORE CREAM AND CHEESE. HI I'M AMERIKKKAN.

somebody plz fucking kill me.

>>6996082

I'd happily cave your weak, sloped skull in

>>6996136
spotted the amerilard

>>6992537
fuck you, she's based as all fuck and there are ZERO technique mistakes in her cooking
it is just poor people food, is all

>>6993141
I'm being serious, why do we put garlic in our food?

>>6996385
It tastes good

>>6991554
Wait....

Does this lil nigga actually think hes sponge bob?

The voice, the laugh, the outfit....

>>6992537
>Dis dat prison food

>Wha....? WHAT NIGGA? FUCK YOU, DIS AINT NO PRISON FOOD, IT FO DA KIDS..

Lost it, fucking dying here, send help seriously.

>>6992858
Shit fam, tbqh I want some hams with chee right now, smh.

>>6993150
>That HIV scar on his arm.

>Autisimus Maximus voice.

>Fat as fuck.

>Wedding ring. Possible wife giggling in the background.

Someone post this on /r9k/ and ask then what their excuse is.

>>6994058
what the fuck man, this is an adult and this video exists in reality what the fuck

>>6993214
No. You were not.

>>6991545
no I can't watch it :(

>>6991545
Some of his are just sad

http://youtu.be/FEiuzzmFyWc

>>6997728
>You might want to walk away before you cant resist this delicious, marvelous meal.

Done.