/ck/ - Food & Cooking

Say that to my face and see what happens.

>microwaving fish
>the fish is mackerel

rip nose

>chicken isn't fully cooked
>Zap it for 1 minute in the microwave, ready to eat

>>7916542
Literally Satan.

>mfw free company provided popcorn in the breakroom every friday.

>>7916541

Blake is a badass motherfucker

>tfw eat candy from the front office candy bowl everyday to get energy to CRUSH IT

I know, I know.

>>7916563
What are you crushing?

>>7916583
CRUSHING IT

It comes from startup shit. You'll hear it a lot in the tech industry.

"Dude, Kelly from marketing is CRUSHING IT"

Just shit like that.

>>7916598

>implying Blake from Accounts isn't the one crushing it

>>7916528
>mfw that fake butter stink permeates half the building for hours afterward

>>7916528
Mother fucking Rick Brooks you bald piece of shit. How the hell can you eat popcorn every single day for twenty years? Fuck yourself.

>>7916528
what? you're too much of a bitch to stand listening to popping noises in the distance for 40 seconds?

>>7916528
I did it once at work simply because I wanted a light snack on my half-hour break. Never again, what's up with work microwaves being crap?

>>7916795
It's the smell.

>>7916820
Sometimes the guys upstairs are too cheap to buy new ones. Also just general abuse from everyone.

At my last workplace, we had five fucking microwaves. Wires were everywhere, I'm surprised there hasn't been an electrical fire yet.

>>7916795
It's the smell, you dumdum

>>7916927
>>7916824
Its only smells

The butter in microwave popcorn smells like piss

>>7916583
YO MAMA

>>7916824
>>7916927
>>7916754
I didn't know people hated the smell. Maybe it's because microwave popcorn is kind of a go to snack for me, but I kinda like the smell.

My microwave has this uncanny ability to either not pop half of the kernels or burn everything to a hell

My name is Blake but I don't work in accounts

I also happen to like popcorn so much I just bought a Whirly pop, some flavacol and a jar of refined coconut oil

>>7917043
More often than not people end up burning some of it, and the stench lingers fucking forever. It's honestly nauseating, and I have no idea how you have never noticed it.

>Woah dude, what's that?
>Cottage pie with rice
>Haha, that looks good, man, can I have some
This is the fourth time you asked for my food, Allan, so no and fuck you for writing me up because I didn't give you fucking food.

>>7917079
You do sound like a bit of a can't tho, Allen

Cunt*

>>7916542
fuck the people who do this shit oh my god

how can they think it is okay to microwave seafood at work

>>7917097
>coworker brings in some squid he grilled from his dinner last night
>microwaves it

The smell never goes away.

>work never has food in the break room
life is suffering

>tfw you try to steal some noodles from the microwave but they're watched by a pro

>>7916528
>cooking noodles in microwave
>take it out and draining water
>boss comes by
>"mmmm that smells good"
>haven't even put any flavoring in

>coworker means to put poptart in the microwave for thirty seconds
>accidentally hits three minutes
>tfw unusable microwave and tiny breakroom that smells like burnt ass for like a month
Fuck you, Lloyd, you fuckin dipshit

>>7916528
>His lunchroom doesn't have an old timey popcorn machine.

>>7916528
>not having your own office
>not having a HEPA filter in your office that also handles odors

It's like you want to suffer or something.

>>7916598
>mfw I will never be able to work for a startup because startups never give a shit about information security and never hire CISOs and other related security personnel

Feels bad man

>>7918430
Start your own.

We have a sign on our microwave that says "no popcorn, no fish."
They need to add "no Chili's frozen lunches" for the woman that brings in one every day and stinks up the whole office.

>>7916528
>tfw living in Baltimore
>tfw people constantly cooking crab in the office microwave

like how the fuck do you even do that?

>>7916542
Anytime I bring in left over salmon it never smells, but this one lady brings salmon that smells like complete ass, is she just using shit tier salmon?

This one time a girl put a cup of dry noodles in the microwave without water and you could smell the burnt noodles 4 floors down in the lobby.

>>7919115
Fellow Balmerfag, I haven't dealt with that. We just get a lot of fried chicken.
>tfw they microwave it in the styrofoam clamshell
Y'all niggas know you're poisoning yourselves a bit, right?

>>7919119
One time, this guy put in cheesy bread in the microwave for 30 minutes. He meant to put 30 seconds, but being the dumbass he was, he forgot about it. He started a fucking fire with cheesy bread.

>>7917584
I thought pop tarts only needed like 6 seconds.

>>7917584
I thought pop tarts only needed like 6 seconds.

>>7919412
I thought pop tarts only needed like 6 seconds.

>>7919447
.sdnoces 6 ekil dedeen ylno strat pop thguoht I

>>7916528
Blake from Accounts in well liked by everyone in the office for his sense of humor and enthusiasm, and by higher ups as well, since he's been on a closing spree that started when he joined just months ago. Also he's banging your wife.

What are you gonna do about it, faggot?

>>7919115
>>7919125
Harbor East office yuppies detected. Please tell your friends to stop moving to western HoCo/Sykesville area.

>>7919115
I also live in Baltimore. One of my coworkers always reheated some previously fried seafood in the microwave. I said I was getting a migraine and left every fucking day he did it.

I used to eat chef boyardee for breakfast with some french fries.

>>7916542

holy fuck, people actually do this? are they at least reheating? I might have to microwave some raw fish to even see what happens, it's like seeing a disgusting looking webm thumbnail but I just have to know what happens/it smells like.

>>7916528
>tfw I microwave cheese popcorn just to piss people off

Fuck you Shelly, I don't know how many times I've asked you to keep it down while I'm on a call. Since I can't tell you to shut the fuck up and you're an obnoxious bitch I've got to get revenge somehow. She somehow doesn't correlate the days that I've told her MULTIPLE FUCKING TIMES to keep it down because I can't hear the FUCKING CLIENT on the phone, because she's screeching like a banshee about not work related conversations and me "accidentally burning" the popcorn.

Fuck you Shelly. No one cares about your autistic son getting a gold star or your lardass daughter making the dancing team.

>>7919892

bro we all hate her too but come on she's not the only one who smells it.

also I just found your sunglasses that you lost at my party on the 4th, I'll bring them in tomorrow

I'm starting my first office job soon.

What do I eat for lunch? Like do I put a sandwich in my backpack?

>>7919861
North Ave, actually. Fuck off son, my block is swarmed with homeless troglodytes every day.

>>7919906

chicken/fish salad with veggies in a tupperware in the fridge

get your fruit in as snacks

>>7919906
yeah sandwich or some stir fry/something rice based is the way to go.

>>7919861
Sorry I have a job anon. Also I live in the city, I'm not genna fight traffic to get downtown.

>>7919917
>live in the city
>can't get downtown
What

>>7917480
Maybe you are an ethnic minority and your boss wants to make friends with you.

>>7919128
>>7917584
How the hell do people do this if they only meant it to be 30 seconds? Do they just set the timer, walk away, and immediately forget they were heating food?

>>7919926
HoCo and Sykesville are the county

>>7919956
Well then that's not the city then now is it

>>7919952
With some microwaves if you keep your finger on the button for too long it'll add an extra zero or two.

>>7916528
not as bad as when Pajeet Putell from the call center microwaves curry rice fish shit. fuck you!

>>7919978

How does a person plan to have food ready in 30 seconds and not check on it for 30 minutes? At work even!?

>>7916528
>that one person who makes popcorn at his desk on a hotplate

>the guy who slaughters a pig in the break area and builds a brick grill to cook it

Fucking hell.

>>7919081
Hire me, I've got the perfect idea. Well do information security for startups.

>>7916528
Goddamnit why do I know this feel. Kaitlin from Releases, seriously shut the fuck up with all the stupid shit you and "btw I'm a vet" talk about at full volume. Everyone in my department can hear you, and your popcorn smell goes over, under, and probably even through our cube walls.

>>7920040
I worked with a bunch of fob Vietnamese and one time to celebrate New Year, they brought in an entire roasted pig. They butchered it on the floor and we feasted. 10/10 experience

>>7919906
Chips and Dip if you trust your office... which you would be fool to do.

>>7916551
>literally the cheapest hot food they could provide to get your loyalty

I'm glad to see the reason why /ck/ is so dead during the day is because we're all office workers.

>>7920235
>implying taste is proportionate to price

>>7917066
You can never have enough unitaskers.

>people not knowing cold fried chicken is the best office lunch

Anyway, do any of your places offer snacks of meals?

>coworker microwaves a huge tub of whatever the fuck casserole they made
>it takes 10 minutes to heat up

God damn it, Debbie.

>tfw have a "work wife" and she always tells me what women take giant ogre shits and stink up the whole ladies room

>>7916932

>keep a candy jar on my desk
>literally the only reason I haven't been canned

>>7922120
Huh?

Don't mind me, just posting the GOAT microwave popcorn

>>7922120
Work wives/husbands are the fucking best

>>7916583
9 gram rocks , nigga

>>7916528
I dont like the taste of microwave popcorn but I love the smell.

>>7922199
>Don't mind me, just posting the GOAT microwave popcorn
Is it really superior? Tell more.

>>7922372
>I dont like the taste of microwave popcorn but I love the smell.
I can't stand Pop Secret. There's a funky oil flavor, but I like Orville natural, which you might find alright.