/ck/ - Food & Cooking

You're in for a real treat anon. Golden Corral is tops, nice choice.

you're probably going to die

>>7931859
I am actually pretty excited. I have not been to one of these type places since I was a small child.
I have not eaten in about 18 hours and I am going to murder that buffet!

>>7931894

>>7931897

>>7931903

>>7931905
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pQLDYtm7j3c

Nice.

I had used to make a little root beer float with the ice machine and mug root beer. Since I didn't understand how floats worked, it looked like a white paint stain inside the cup.

If you want dessert and a small portion, try getting a clean soup cup or a kid's cup to make a thick rootbeer float.

For golden corral, the employees can help you find replacement utensils if you need em.

And carefully stack your plates and your silverware on top. I had saw an busboy drop some forks onto the wrong section of the dish station, and he had to get help due to one skewering his shoe to the floor.

>>7931876
I was going to say 'you'll probably be disappointed' but then I read up to the top and see you are the type who is too cheap to pay a beverage so I'm sure you'll enjoy it very much.

Please do not be too cheap to leave a tip.

>>7931934
Its a buffet anon, there is no waiter to tip.
You just go up and get your own food like god intended.

>>7931921
>skewering his shoe to the floor.

>>7931910
Hey that's the one I used to go to

Before that story broke at least

>>7931972
Its probably the safest one in the country now.

Round one is begin

>>7932073
Round one completed. Time to level up

>>7932079
Round two file size exceeded 4chans limit.
Will eat it down a bit and try again.

I may have begun my sprint too soon.
Round 2 really slowed me down

Just took a desert round in an attempt to regroup.
In all honesty I was not mentally prepared for battle today.
May not be able to continue.

>>7932105
killing yourself will be a more peaceful death than what's waiting for you

>>7932110
Just as I read your post my belly started to gurgle.
There are two men's restrooms here and both are full :(

>>7932073
What part of va u from?

Norfolk (pronounced nawfuk) fag here

>>7932073
>not creating a food mountain abomination while at buffet

you are to good for this world anon

>>7931921
>And carefully stack your plates and your silverware on top. I had saw an busboy drop some forks onto the wrong section of the dish station, and he had to get help due to one skewering his shoe to the floor.

>>7931944
They have servers to bring you bread, refill your drinks, and take your plates. They don't need a full tip, but you can leave 'em a buck or two if you're not a cheap prick.

>>7932073
willfully eating canned spinach....fucking kek

>>7935231
Its fresh

The ones near me are always 100% nigger. It's disappointing :(

>>7931840
OP here. I tried getting to the bathroom, but got kicked out after shitting all over the floor.

>>7935463
I wish this was true

nigger just go to luby's

>>7931840
I hope you get food poisoning.

>>7935273
>the *only* problem with golden corral is all the niggers
kek

Did OP die?

>>7935936
They went to golden corral.

OP here.
Did not die.
Everything was fine and the busy belly was not the fault of gc.

While I do not like the racial slur, there were many black people here and the children were quite adept at running the ice cream machine and working the chocolate fountain.

>>7936137
It's a shame I got here too late.

We haven't have a Corral around us in a while because they went bankrupt or something. At any rate, closed. I remember the chedder rolls and that honey butter being GOAT however. Other than that I don't particularly remember anything that I was like "MUST GET" when we'd go.

>>7931876
People like you.... we used to have an annual AYCE crab feed at my Moose lodge, and there were always a few fucksticks that would have the attitude of "I'm going to shut you down. You're going to lose money on me, because I've been fasting so I can put down 10 whole crab and 'really get my money's worth'". You have no idea what people think of you, out to take total advantage.

Also, you can't bring beverages into restaurants. Even classless shitholes like Golden Corral.

The only group lower than you are the women who line their purses and dump the food in there when they think no one is looking.

>>7936758
thank you....there is nothing more disgusting then going to a buffet that has crab and you see those cucks eat nothing but the crab, literally just plates stacked half a foot tall of that shit...its sad

>>7932073
So you're sitting by yourself playing on your phone and uploading pics as you eat? Jesus what a loser. I hope you really get full several times over. You should stay for several hours, take some shits, a nap, chill out but never leave the building. Soak it up for all it's worth.

>>7932073
I miss when Golden Corral had regular size burgers and not that sliders shit.

>>7936758
>The only group lower than you are the women who line their purses and dump the food in there when they think no one is looking.

>not lining your pockets with plastic and stuffing hamburgers, hot dogs, pizza, french fries, chicken wings, and bourbon chincken
>not filling your socks with mac and cheese, spaghetti and mashed potatoes and gravy
>not putting cookies, brownies, cakes, and ice cream down your underpants

Step it up, senpai
>not shoving cookies, brownies

>>7936767
Exactly! These types see everything else as "filler". Delicious garlic bread, salad, roasted potatoes, corn on the cob, but no, "That stuff doesn't cost as much, so I can't afford to spare precious stomach space that could hold more of the costly item."
Their goal is to achieve the highest ratio of expense ingested to what they paid for it.

>>793258
Ruther Glen; on his receipt

I have a friend named Bruce. Bruce looks to be some kind of honest-to-God pirate at first glance, and I mean Captain Jack Sparrow's crew pirate, and the ornery, mean old fucking pirate you'd never, ever want to mess with because he'd bite your God-damned nose off and eat it. He's also wildly into K-pop, choreographs his own dance routines to it, and in the last year or two has started just basically eating like a Korean, which apparently means shitloads of vegetables and cabbage. Anyway, Bruce goes to Golden Corral like 2x a week, which I thought was kind of strange due to his new health kick, so finally I asked him about it.

"Dude," he said. "Golden Corral has a shitload of vegetables, and their cabbage is great. But you're missing the point. You don't go to Golden Corral just for the food. It's fucking dinner theater."

And you know what? He's right. For $12 you can sit and watch some of the most hilarious, downright hellishly gluttonous behavior you will see outside the Plane of Fat in the Demonic Abyss. I went with him one time and laughed so hard at some of the shit on display that now I go with him about once a month, get a big plate of steak and another big plate of salad, stake out a spot where you can see most of the buffets (and oh for fucking sure the CHOCOLATE WONDERFALL) and just observe the kind of unbelievably self-indulgent (and self-destructive) shit that would make a European or Southeast Asian's person head explode off their shoulders in horror and make someone with a "sick sad world" sense of humor laugh their ass off.

Someone, say, like me.

For example, the very first time I went with Bruce I was witness to "the recon." This is a real thing, and what I am about to describe is not an isolated incident, no sirree. Humongously fat people will literally go scout the buffet. Now, I think we all do this to some extent at a buffet, in the "Hmm, what do they have to eat here?" glance-while-walking-to-the-table sense, but this is done with military precision, people. I've watched with my own eyes three people, all of whom were 300 lbs+, meet briefly and talk, then split up and go to the buffets, carefully eyeballing each selection, lips moving, fingers pointing, as if cataloging the unearthly delights that await them, then fucking meeting back up in the same place to discuss what they saw and plan an attack. I'm serious. They were like 10 feet away.

"Guys it looks like the fried chicken tonight is coming out pretty fast, pretty sure that stuff's going to be good, but the rotisserie is just kind of hanging out. Pulled pork was kind of crusty but I think if we dug down a bit there's good stuff there. There was a bit of a crust on the edge of the brown gravy and someone dropped some fucking broccoli in it but the white gravy's looking fine. Outside of that, hot bar A looks good. And of course the bourbon chicken looks good as always."

"Fantastic. Well, the guy cooking the steaks told me they are busting open a new box in about 20 minutes, so we should probably lay off that until then. I noticed there was a lot of bacon in the green beans right now so that should probably be one of our first stops. The mac and cheese tonight also looks fucking delicious, it's got a nice crust unlike that bullshit last week when it was practically yellow water, so we need to move on that. It looks like they recently changed out the taco stuff, especially the nacho cheese, it looks brand new, so, take that for what it's worth."

"Well I've got bad news guys, from what I could see it looks like tonight's a no chocolate cake night, they only have that fucking one that has those fake cherries on top, and we all know how that fucks things up."

>groans all around<

"But it's not that big a deal because they just put out rice krispies with chocolate coating and the girl said they've got tons of them. They've also got those sugar cookies and some fudge brownies that look all right, and all the other pie shit they usually have."

"OK, so green beans, fried chicken, the mac and cheese, the white gravy, those are tonight's superstars. Let's go."

I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP. I expected a fucking Wonder Twin powers-esque ring bump at this point, but instead they just all fled to a plate dispenser and began loading the fuck out of their plates. It really reminds me of nothing so much as when people like, discuss what's going on with their favorite sports teams. Except with food.

This is also when I first experienced the phenomenon of the "multiplate."

Now, your average person will take a plate to the buffet, fill it with food, and go back to their table and eat. But, you see, that person understands that when they are done eating, if they want more, there will be more food available at that time. But the multiplater wants to hedge its bets. What if, between that first and second trip to the buffet, the restaurant suddenly ran completely the fuck out of food? Like, not even mints by the cash register or gum in the quarter machines? WHAT THEN? Your deliciousness per second (DPS... sorry) will go down!

It doesn't bear thinking about. Now it's unlikely, gentlemen, but not impossible, so as we are smart consumers, we're going to guard against the possibility. So let's each go get three complete plates of food and come back to the table.

Now I'm not talking a meal plate and a salad plate, as I mentioned before I myself do that every time I go to watch this... whatever the fuck it is, Theater of the Grotesque, I guess. But just imagine for a moment going up to the buffet and getting a plate loaded down with actual fucking rib-sticking food. 3-4 chicken wings and legs, a big-ass helping of mac and cheese, some mashed potatoes and gravy, green beans, two corns on the cob, and a yeast roll or two, then taking it back to your table. Time to eat, right? WRONG. DIPSHIT. WHAT IF THEY RUN OUT OF FOOD WHILE YOU ARE EATING YOU GOD-DAMNED NINNY? WHAT ABOUT YOUR DPS?

So you just set this completely full plate down and go get another one, and again you just completely fill the fuck out of it with food. A couple of steaks, a pile of pulled pork, a rice mountain topped with sugary chicken (MOUNT BOURBON), and a couple of smoked sausages with nacho cheese on them, then you take that back to your table.

You now have enough food at your table, JUST ON YOUR PLATES, to feed an entire platoon of ten year-olds who have been playing all day. Time to sit down and pig the fuck out. WRONG. DIPSHIT. WHAT IF THEY RUN OUT OF FOOD NOW? YOU'VE ONLY GOT LITERALLY TEN OR FIFTEEN THOUSAND CALORIES ON YOUR PLATE, YOU'RE PRACTICALLY GOING TO STARVE TO DEATH. IF YOU DON'T KEEP YOUR DPS UP WE'LL HAVE TO KICK YOU OUT OF THE GUILD DUDE.

So again you set your second completely full plate down and go back AGAIN. I dunno what the fuck you get this time, since you already have basically everything they serve, but on one multiplate I watched a dude walk(?) to the salad bar and create the following salad:

http://www.pjwnex.us/media/text/Golden_Corral.txt

1 giant ladle of blue cheese dressing directly onto the plate Multiple giant scoops of shredded cheese on top of this Multiple giant scoops of those weird ham cube-bits on top of this Multiple giant scoops of bacon bits on top of this Multiple giant scoops of boiled egg crumbles on top of this An enormous pile of croutons A giant scoop of mushrooms (I think this "made it healthy" because mushrooms are like a fish or something and fish is negative calorie superfood?) 2 giant ladles of blue cheese dressing on top

Just think about that for a fucking minute. OK, frankly, it sounds pretty delicious, but holy shit how horrid does something like that have to be for you? Imagine trying to shit that out a few hours down the line. But now you have your third plate, and so now you can at least quiet the yammering fear that you won't get to eat everything in the entire God-damned place before it closes down for the night, and at last you can finally start to eat.

Again, this is not fantasy. I've watched this multiple times. I've seen a woman so fat she had to use a walker to move sit by herself at a 4-person table and completely cover the surface of it with plates of food before she started eating, and she cleaned every last one of them. It has the same uneasy, somehow alien fascination of seeing a car wreck, or a really fucked-up porn where the chick is wearing spider prosthetics and hissing all the fucking time. You're like, am I really supposed to be entertained by this? I kind of feel bad, and sort of weird, but... I mean, just fucking look at it. It's brutal, unchained nihilism unfettered from any concept of moderation or shame or self-preservation and frankly it's kind of fascinating watching someone deliberately say "Fuck any sort of a comfortable life, WHERE IS THE THOUSAND ISLAND CONTAINER?"

>>7936941
holy fuck...what if you didn't like a buffet and you went in and just kept getting plates of full food and leaving them on your table...you are not breaking any rules

>>7931905
ehhh this is about what I was expecting anyway

>>7936946
>http://www.pjwnex.us/media/text/Golden_Corral.txt
You're a fucking champ, anon.

>>7936920
why do koreans have such big heads though?

>>7938144
big brain needs a big head....einstein had very big head

>>7938558
That is a myth. His cranial capacity was only slightly above average