/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>who the fuck are you and why the fuck are you in my house

>>9628729
>How do you react?
i don't i am all ready dead inside

>>9628729
Flip over plate, punch her in the face hard as fuck, threaten to stop supporting her mother's medical treatment if she decides to call cops or divorce me, then ask her to brush my back while I bathe, but have a weapon ready with me in case she decides to cut my neck like in the movies.

>>9628729
I put some hot sauce on it, the chicken looks moist at least

>>9628729
this is why I have a black girlfriend.

i'd probably cry if someone actually called me honey

>>9628784
but I mean, the ass is fat too right?

>>9628785

>>9628744
>>9628745
>>9628774
>>9628785
I know it's kind of a faggoty thing to do, I just want to point out that these posts are all basically distilled 4chan and it feels so bitter sweet

Explain calmly that I don't like home cooked meals unless agreed upon way in advance but thank her for being thoughtful, eat it just once.

If this is the second time she's "surprised" me with a home cooked meal, dump her. I don't give a shit how good it is.

But I have some pretty autistic pet peeves in relationships.

>>9628799
Topautism m8

>>9628729
absolutely haram

>>9628799
*Tips fedora*

>>9628802

It's just... nothing is shittier to me than thinking "man I want tacos tonight" and then coming home to a lasagna or something that I'm obliged to eat. I also dislike it when people try to take care of me unless I ask for it or am literally too weak to function without help.

Maybe I just have hang ups from my ex. I always felt like she was trying to be my second mom instead of a girlfriend. Thanks for reading my blog.

>>9628809
actually nothing in that meal is Haram it's pretty Halal

>>9628817
>second mom
That's how girls are supposed to be.

If she's leeching off of you, that's a problem.

looks way too spicy

>>9628821

Nah, a girl is supposed to be your partner in crime that you love doing shit with, that makes your life an extra level of awesome. Then you can both raise a badass, self-sufficient kid or two.

>>9628832

>>9628817
>>9628832

>girl wants to be your mommy
>dump her

>>9628832
No, actually, don't marry, you don't need to raise kids.

>>9628835
>>9628840

Why would I want a second mom when I already have one? Did your mothers not give you enough love as a kid? I mean, this isn't the first time I've run into this shit on 4chan, but I don't get it. Is there really estrogen in the water or some shit?

Say thank you like a NORMAL person, then get up and grab some kind of sauce or seasoning to put on that food. Other than the severe lack of seasoning, it's a pretty average normie meal.

>>9628852
There's literally xenoestrogens in most tap water in the world and the great majority of them come from those clothe fibers you see floating around.

>>9628729

"This is why I am the one who cooks in this household"

>>9628729
I don't date retards. Means I'm single, but eh.
>>9628784
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_5Pz1Id_MU

>>9628729
Delicious and healthy. Learn how to appreciate tastes of food without drenching it with hot sauce and gravy, fatso.

>>9629705
>hot sauce
>unhealthy

>>9628729
Slather it in butter and enjoy the meal like a normal person?

>>9628729
Honestly looks like a good meal for someone trying to eat more healthy.
If you replaced the carrots and potatoes with more leafy vegetables you'd get a good atkins meal out of that.

>>9628729
Scottish here, I basically lived off these meals for the first 10 years of my life. Nothing wrong with some boiled veg and dry meat.

>wite people cookin

>>9628880
Fucking clothe fibers

White pepper,salt,butter and a splash of lee and perrings lovely stuff Glass of milk on the side

>>9628729
This is basically what I just ate for dinner, except it was a salad instead of boiled veg.

Honestly, it's not too bad to have simple food once in a while. And it's healthy.

>>9629708
Sodium

>>9629819
oh you're retarded

>oh thank you dear that looks delicious would you be so kind and pass me the sauce and condiment tray pease

>>9628729
>where is the rice?
>oh you didn't cook any? I will wait for you my love, let me go and play a match or two in Payday 2 while you are preparing it
>xoxo

"I made hubby's favorite tonight!"

>>9629967
>hubby

>>9628852
Because your mother is eventually going to die

>>9629967
>"Damn babe you drew the grill marks perfectly straight this time!"

>>9629977
auscunt here, do other countries really not have switches on their power points? this seems incomprehensible to me

>>9628729
Just like mom used to make.

Literally the reason why I became a chef.

>>9628729
I'd be happy that I have someone who loves me.

>>9629992
We Brits do, not sure about Burgers tho

>>9629992
The outlets are on our floors, why would we want to bend down everytime to turn on and off something plugged in? Our switches are on the walls.

>>9629819
Is harmless unless you already have a heart condition

>>9629992
US fag here. We do have switches, but they are located on the wall instead of on the outlet.

Why would you want a switch on an outlet? If you wanted to disconnect power from something at the outlet level just unplug it. Having a switch there adds zero convenience but additional complexity. If you want a switch then put it somewhere convenient where you don't have to bend over to access it--i.e. a wall mounted switch, or the normal switch on whatever appliance you have.

>>9630088
>What if we add a switch so the user can turn off the power without unplugging?
>Okay. Should we put it somewhere simple and obvious like next to the socket it controls?
>Nah, put it way the fuck over someplace else and make it look like a fucking lightswitch.
>Brilliant! We'll tell the stupid fuckers it's "more convenient" or something!

The absolute state of America.

>>9629981
Yes. This.

>>9629770
>nigger cookin

>>9630103
Of course its going to look like a light switch, some of them become them.
Are all your lamps built in or something? That (((socialist))) building planning

>>9629977
The north American ones look like little dudes shouting at you. Wtf is the Eurozone doing anyways fucking regulate that shit: France, Italy, and Germany have separate ones!? Nobody else even uses the italian one, fuckwits

>>9630117
We cunningly use entirely different switches to control lights, thus making it obvious which are light switches and which control sockets.

>>9630103
>Should we put it somewhere simple and obvious like next to the socket it controls?
It might be obvious, but it's pretty fucking inconvenient. Who wants to have to bend over every time they need to turn something off? Why not just unplug it if you're already fucking around with the outlet?

We do have switched outlets in north America too, but they're fairly uncommon. (pic related)

Do Aussie appliances not have their own power switches on them?

>>9630123
Europe is slowly converging on Shucko. Except France because they're fucking morons, and UK & Ireland because of Anglo Exceptionalism.

>>9630103
The reason outlets are placed on the floor is to reduce tripping hazards. If an object has a long wire in the horizontal direction, like a vacuum cleaner, then a floor outlet reduces the chance to trip on the wire. If the outlets were at arm level then you would have a wire at knee height across the room which is inconvenient.

>>9630128
What if you want your lamp plugged in somewhere else? Youd have to now bend over to turn it on and off. Thats retarded.

>>9628852

Alright Im gonna walk you through this because you have autism.

You want your girlfriend to be a good mom, because eventually your girlfriend is going to BE a mom. It's not really that complicated. Your girlfriend shouldn't be "one of the guys" - that's what "the guys" are for. You're not out to date a man with a vagina, you want a woman with womanly qualities, the other 50% of a relationship that makes the whole thing worth doing. As long as you chase after some tomboy who wont commit, you're never going to get anywhere.

And what the fuck? Partner in crime? Makes your life an extra level of awesome? What are you, five? I mean judging by your taste in women im probably not far off but jesus dude you need to take some time and examine yourself.

>>9630135
he's talking about the location of switches, not outlets.

>>9630129
>It might be obvious, but it's pretty fucking inconvenient

How is it any less convenient than your silly non-solution of "I don't need a switch I just plug/unplug it"?

If you're literally a cripple who is unable to reach down 50cm (I believe that's roughly 3 furlongs in your language) to flip a switch you still have the option of using an unswitched socket and putting the switch somewhere else. But nobody does that because it would be literally retarded.

>>9630132
I'm trying to remember what they looked like in Spain but I can't. I think either the German or French one.

>>9630138
I literally can't comprehend your confusion. There's a switch right there on your lamp.

I dunno about Ausfailia but in the UK you also have the option of installing special lighting-only sockets that are all controlled from a light switch, specially for use with lamps.

>>9630103
>He can't remember which switch does which in his own house
Yup ausfags are retarded.

>>9630143
>How is it any less convenient than your silly non-solution of "I don't need a switch I just plug/unplug it"?
It's not. But it is more expensive and has more opportunities for failure than just unplugging it. And that's why it's puzzling. It offers disadvantages but no advantages.

Why not use the power switch on your appliance to turn it on and off? Why use the outlet switch (or unplug it) in the first place? This seems like a "solution" to a non-extant problem.

>>9628729
It looks ... Healthy ?
That chicken (?) isn't cooked enough.

>>9630152
Oh, youre still using lamp designs from the 90s

>>9629977
Switzerland ! Switzerland ! Switzerland !

>>9630162
The chicken isn't seared if that's what you mean, so yeah, it's not going to taste of much. But it's probably overcooked to fuck and back. Overcooked dry chicken breast is to be expected with a meal like that.

>>9630167
Do your fancy new 2017 lamps lack switches?

>>9630172
It looks pink.
Steam cooked ?

>>9630160
>Why not use the power switch on your appliance to turn it on and off?

When was the last time you saw an actual appliance with an actual physical power switch, that you'd leave plugged in?

My toaster & kettle are the only two I can think of.

>>9630177
Yeah you just yell at them and they turn off

>>9630185
>When was the last time you saw an actual appliance with an actual physical power switch, that you'd leave plugged in?

About three seconds ago. All of my appliances have power switches on them. TV, stereo components, PS4, kitchen mixer, blender, food processor, lamps, etc--all have power switches. The only exceptions I can think of are the microwave oven and my alarm clock. I leave those plugged in all the time.

>>9630209
You have a television and a stereo with an actual physical switch that disconnects the power?

Or do they, as I suspect, actually just put them into "standby" and make an obnoxious red LED light up?

>>9628817

That's not autism, that's being human

>>9630214
My stereo physically disconnects the power.
My TV has "standby" mode, which I am perfectly happy with. I'm on the internet, anon. I'm not so poor that I have to worry about the half-cent's worth of electricity the TV consumes in "standby" mode each month.

>>9629977

God tier:
Germoney
Japan
Canada..

Shit tier:
The rest

Meh. Throw a bunch of salt and pepper on it and dump some kind of sauce on there for the chicken and I'll eat it, I don't care. Food is food and I'm not picky.

>>9628817
I mean my GF and I usually communicate with each other anytime after lunch and decide together what we want for dinner. Crazy, I know.

Thanks, babe.

>>9630139

Not even that guy, but you sound like a fag.

I don't want my gf to be my Bro, neither do I want a second mom, because that's for mentally stunted retards.

Clearly there is some midway between 'man with a vagoo' and going full oedipus.

>>9630160
Standby still uses electricity.

>>9630067
What? Plenty of kitchen countertops have outlets over top of them.

>>9630235
Lol

>>9629992
Wait other countries DO have these?
What the fuck do you use it for? Everything has a switch on it anyway, and it's not on the floor behind a wardrobe

>>9630241
>t. virgin

>/ck/: power outlets

>>9630241
>Dating a woman with motherly qualities
>Full Oedipus
I don't think you got the gist of that play lad.

>>9630242
Enough of it to matter? I doubt that.

>>9630247
Sure. But in an average house that's in the minority. Most outlets are near floor level. Kichen outlets are the exception rather than he rule. There are others too, like ones under the eaves of the roof for Xmas lights or security cameras, or inside cabinets for electronic gear. But most general purpose outlets are in normal rooms, and near the floor.

>>9630264
>>9630241
>>9630139
I'd suggest this
https://waitbutwhy.com/2014/02/pick-life-partner-part-2.html

>>9628729
I'd mash it all together with mayo, dijon, salt, pepper, and some dill and spread it on a sandwich like chicken salad.

>>9630132
>Europe is slowly converging on Shucko. Except France because they're fucking morons
Poles, Belgians and Czechs are morons as well
you can use the "French" earthing pin plugs in schuko sockets and vice versa anyway

>>9628729
Ask what year it is and double check my surroundings for signs of other geriatrics, as that looks like a bland meal served to diabetic nursing home residents. Imagine having dementia thinking you're still in your 20s but you have no idea why everyone is treating you like a dumb 80 year old.

>>9630296
that is a very high quality post, may your bed be full of hot wives

>>9628729
Join me in prayer good wife. Lord, thank You for this bland meal before us. May it reflect our humble and joyless day spent in this vale of tears. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

>>9628729
wow how sweet of you to whip something up for Fido

>>9629981

Sure, she's going to die, but I should be self sufficient enough to not need my mommy after I'm in my 20s at the latest anyways.

>>9630139
I don't need my girlfriend or wife to be a mom to me, I need her to be a mom to our child. It doesn't have to be mutually exclusive. Someone can have motherly instincts and still be fun to be around and not treat everyone like a bland caricature of a midwestern fat stay-at-home.

And yeah, I want her to be fun. Like that site the other person posted says, I've gotta be trapped with this person in the same spot for presumably the rest of my fucking life. I just came back from a week in Europe. I work in advertising for one of the world's largest entertainment companies. My life is an adventure, and I'm not suddenly going to slow it down so I can ensure every night of my life will be watching Netflix and coming home to boiled chicken breast and peas.

>>9628729
everyone i know agree that white people can't cook

>>9628729
>thank's babe, i think there is a new episode of NCIS on tonight if you want to watch

I was just curious, are there any food discord servers out there?
Would anybody be willing to join mine?
/7jCrmkz

>>9630237
Like you should. But this thread is implying you're walking into a surprise meal that your wife prepared. A shitty surprise meal.

>>9630296
Good post. Basically what I'm looking for in a woman.

>>9630139
I forgot to mention, "one of the guys" isn't my point. Yes, I have "the guys," but they're not always going to be available. That doesn't mean she has to be bland as fuck.

>>9630488
>he doesn't want a mommy gf

>>9628729

heat up some of my onion gravy i made before, cover it in gravy, throw on some salt,pepper,rosemary, bit of garlic powder and onion salt.

then ask her why the fuck are the roast potatoes undercooked, why the fuck would you serve me peas, why the fuck is this chicken completely free of seasoning?

>>9630548
>tfw even Oedipus didn't have as hard an Oedipus complex as (You)

>>9630567
those are boiled potatoes, anon.

>>9630548
>reverse spooning instead of normal spooning
It's like you don't want to grab her boobs when going to sleep

>>9630573

again, why the fuck would you serve boiled potatos, not even in a little butter, you're basically halfway to roast potatoes.

>>9628868
That's too rational of an answer, anon. There's no place for that here.

>>9628729
Break down into tears of joy because my wife actually cooked me food and was nice to me.

Ask how long until the gravy is ready and if she can grab me the mustard

>>9628744
is "dont mess with texas" the new autistic screeching/reeeeee?

>>9628729
"Want to cook together next time? I think it would be kinda fun."

>>9628796
It's nice to know we don't suffer alone. That's what neing human is all about, man.

>>9629877
>that one guy who only eats rice as side dish

>>9628817
So what you eat out literally every night?

>>9631086
rice is the main actually and the ingredients in OP's pic are the toppings.

IS THIS WHAT I GO TO WORK FOR? TO COME HOME AND BE OFFERED THIS SHIT-GRADE """FOOD"""? I DON'T KNOW WHY WE ARE STILL MARRIED. LOOK AT THE HOUSE, IT'S A FUCKING MESS. LOOK AT YOU! HOW DID YOU GET THIS FAT EATING PRISON FOOD? GOD, IF YOU EXIST, PLEASE TAKE ME OUT ALREADY.

>>9628818
That (meat?) doesn't seems to be killed via an appropriate method?

>>9628729
Grab a bowl of cereal. Also, is that chicken raw?

>>9628729
tell her to put it in the fridge for later and then fuck her brains out and then eat the food

>>9630257
>>9629992
Not sure about other countries but here you cab simply decide whether you want to have switch on the socket, buy the socket and install them when furnishing your home

>>9630837
Yes. We can't use "Remember the Alamo" anymore since we are all mexicans

>>9628785
You're retarded, aren't you?

>>9628729
Add seasoning, make a quick gravy then eat it. Also proceed to teach my wife how to cook.

>>9628729
>hands ball into fists and begin shaking
>stand up, shaking intensifies to an enraged full body tremor
>scream "Fucking cunt," and literally break the plate over her face sending her to the floor
>kick her in the stomach as many times as I can as hard as I can until I run out of breath

>Married a Mexican girl

phew

>>9628729
man, thats a nice square meal. she didn't season it, but i dont expect everyone to cook like i do. its nice she made me anything at all, she didnt have to take the time. but i appreciate it. no salt is fine by me. thats pure fuel right there.

I start screeching as loud as I can while pummeling my head with alternating hands until my handler takes me to McDonalds

>>9628729
Thanks, mom. I'll get a job one of these days.

>>9631299

To be honest, yes, I eat out or order in almost every night. Or I stop by the store to pick up something to make for the night. Or I have a variety of things in the fridge to choose from. I never make four or five days worth of food I have to feel obligated to eat.

>>9631658
So does she give you ice cream and ramen and doritoes covered in dozens of sauces and candies?

>>9631678

>>9630103
you are a retard.

> oi bruv those limey cunt americans are so lazy and stupid. they put their light switches somewhere that makes sense. har har har.

>>9628729
we need to talk

>>9628784
So you guys just eat fast food or what?

>>9628817
You can opt just to cook all the meals and swim in pussy

>>9631781
> swim in pussy

the thought of swimming in pussy is now nothing more than a wild fantasy to me. i'm in another dimension of cuckery.

>>9630837
isn't it the old one?

>>9628729
Do white people really eat this shit?

>>9628729
just needs mayonez

>>9628817
I get this. I'm the same way but usually if my GF wants to take care of me I'll let her. But if my mom still tries wait on me hand and foot it drives me insane.

>>9628784
greasy food is worth having genital herpes?

>>9631526
Just start saying "¡Tenemos el Alamo!".

>>9630576
Some times it feels good to be hugged while falling asleep.

>>9628817
>>9628852
Goddamn you're a brainlet.

>>9628729
>white dinner

Americans aren't white.

>>9629977
damn, denmark one is great
i wonder if it was intentional

>>9629992
most places in canada are too old for that meme but newer places tend to do the retard yankee type thing of having a light switch control the power of the room and not just a light fixture

that said, 99% of power bars have a little on/off switch. ive never used one though. why would i need a switch on my outlets when the devices i plug into them have on/off switches already?

I've eaten literally once over the last two weeks.
I'd ask for seconds.

>>9629819
is a necessary neurotransmitter for healthy immune system function

>>9628729
>How do you react?
wake up from the good dream
I don't have a wife and likely never will

>>9628729
idk, i would be happy to receive such a meal. It looks nutritious and probably tastes fine. I see butter on the table, a little on the veggies and I would eat that happily. Simple meals are fine.

>>9631675
this but unironically

>>9629981
The French, German and general EU ones are cross compatible. Italy is just too lazy to fix their shit and the English have always been too scared of more elegant plugs and stick with their hyper safe but clunky designs.

I always find the U.S. ones to wiggle a lot though so maybe the Brits have a point.

>>9628817
>second mom
shit dude that's what everyone wants
you fucked up

>>9632652

Nah, you're just mentally and emotionally stunted.

>>9628785
its okay honey

>>9630220
So your happy that a surge will still fry anything in standby?

>>9628729
lament that i would ever allow myself to marry a white woman

>>9628729
>Meat
Umm sweetie no..

>>9632662
just wait till ur mom dies bro
trust me

>>9628729
I see nothing wrong with this.

Healthy and lean, same was I like my women.

Sure is full of faggotry and oedipal urges in here,

>>9630837
newfag isn't aware of old fag memes being recycled

>>9628774
>her

>>9629819
...is there even usually that much tho? seems negligible compared to the amounts you'd find in most foods (even when not heavily seasoned)

>>9628729
Goddamn it woman, I told you I can't eat spicy food.

>>9628729
Not a problem, senpai.

>>9633018
Why do you keep posting this?

>>9632877

My mom's got a terminal disease that will take her sometime soon. I'm going to miss her, of course, but I don't need someone to replace her shitty cooking or nagging.

Love her to death, but come on. Time to man up and live life without hugs and cuddles.

>>9632877
My dad died last year. He cooked everything. Fuck you and fuck off.

>>9633044
He didn't love you anyway. Don't worry; your mom will find someone else.

>>9628729
>mfw

>honey
Leave my house. No one I know calls or has ever called me honey. Leave the food behind though im fucking starving.

>>9628729
Take the food with me in the kitchen and use it to make myself something better

>>9628729
This is why I do the shopping and cooking, 7 days a week. Everybody's life sucks, but life is too short for shitty food.

>>9629967
That steak is as dry as fuck. Head over to food lab, if you can't do it right learn how to cheat.

>>9630488
I agree with you, ignore all these mommy posters. They live in mom's basement and are autistic and want a mommy gf who enables them like their own mother does. Also mommy gfs are very controlling, and no men want that in practice, resentment builds

>>9633040
>Love her to death
You caused this

>>9628832
Sounds like what you want is a boyfriend

>>9633684
Enjoy your fat boring wife then. I hope the next 32 years of your life are filled with great new TV shows for you to watch.

>>9629992
UK and Ireland do, just not pictured in the picture. I live in Murica now and I fucking miss the switches on every socket, it's such a basic convenience. Instead I have a switch on one wall that controls ONE socket only (out of the pair like in the pic) on the opposite wall, that's there I'm obliged to plug my main standing room lamp into because Murica still hasn't invented ceiling lights. I pinch myself every time I use it only to realise it unfortunately is true.

>>9630123
>Wtf is the Eurozone doing anyways fucking regulate that shit: France, Italy, and Germany have separate ones!?
All three EU ones are interchangeable and like 98% cross-compatible. Schuko goes in all three, flat ungrounded plugs (shaped like the Swiss ones only a little thinner and with 2 prongs only) do too, the few incompatible exceptions being ungrounded round plugs with no hole for the ground prong and no side cutouts for schuko stuff, but those are very rare and only really found on some 80's equipment mainly from Eastern Europe.

>Nobody else even uses the italian one, fuckwits
The ride doesn't end here, they actually use two different standards side by side, in theory the bigger one is for heavier amp appliances but you never know what you're gonna get. Good luck being in Italy on holiday and finding the right adapter at 1 AM because your b&b happens to have the other kind only.

>>9633833
What? I'm a Burger and have ceiling lights all over my house. Are you living in a ghetto or something?

>>9633864
Bay Area, so pretty much yeah.

>>9633878
I'm in the Bay Area sort of as well, I live in Los Gatos

>>9630123
Chile also uses the Italian standard, just without the high amp ones.

>>9633882
Too close anon... Anyway, I'm renting an apartment so maybe there's a difference between than and houses. There is a ceiling light in the kitchen and near-ceiling wall mounted lights in bathroom actually, but fuck all where I would normally expect hanging lamps like above the damn dinner table.

>>9633882
Wait... there's literally a city named "The Cats"?

>>9629705

>>9633902
There's Los Banos too. A lot of places in California have Spanish names.

>>9628785
this

>>9633040
You could find a replacement mommy that cooks good and doesn't nag you, and if you're lucky, she'll even fuck you!

>>9628821
Women are supposed to leech off of you, and you're supposed to put babies inside of her to leech off of you as well.

>>9628832
Okay John Green shut the fuck up and eat the cum soggy Cheerios

>>9628729
I hate my white wife now.

>>9628729
If i came home to a warm meal, almost any warm meals, I would be happy as fuck.

>>9628835
>tfw my gf wants to be a mommy gf but can't cook for shit just like my actual mom.

>>9628729
Nutritionally it is fine. I'd eat it and then find ways to subtly incorporate cooking skills into the relationship.

>>9635092
Maybe you two could learn to cook together, that'd be pretty cute!

>>9635102
I know how to cook, but I do want to teach her. It does seem like a lot of fun.

>>9635102
That's what me and my gf do. It's pretty fun actually.

>>9635465
>It's pretty fun actually.
Between the hadaka apron cosplay and the spankings every time she makes a mistake, I would agree. Though it seems that we don't get much cooking done with all the "distractions".

>>9635475
Couldn't have said it better myself.

>>9628817
>>9628852
>>9630488
this anon speaks the truest truth
ignore all the mom posters and listen to him

>>9632093
You do not go hating on majonez ty amerykańska kurwo

>>9628784
that's disgusting though

>>9629992
Yes other countries are that far behind the world.

burger children also kill themselves annually on their switches.

>>9632446
>the retard yankee type thing of having a light switch control the power of the room and not just a light fixture
what the fuck are you talking about

i've never heard of this in my life

>>9628729
copius amounts of salt, pepper, garlic powder, and butter