/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>9758695
since you live in bumblefuck, let's just assume you can't get anything more than like, $15/lb parmesan as anything exotic, so stick to the very basics.

sharpest cheddar you can get
something you've never had before and is expensive - try it, maybe you'll like it.
hard salami
prosciuto
heavily smoked ham or turkey sliced thin.
best pickles and/or cornichons you can find.
something else pickled, like carrots/pearl onions.
spiciest mustard available
decent brown or whole grain mustard that isn't as spicy.
two or three crackers. something basic like ritz, saltines and something else you've never tried.

>>9758695
I like to go with a good mustard, some sliced fruit like pears or figs, chevre, a soft cheese, a hard cheese, two or three cured meats, olives, toasted bread and crackers

Half a pound of premarinated soy skirt steak cooked well done sliced into inch long pieces, postmarinated in orange juice and lye
Uncooked canadian bacon
prosciutto di parma with ala vodka sauce and dried chili peppers

Antipasto:
1 pint of ben and jerrys rocky road pecan ice cream
1 can of cocao fig jam
ritz crackers
1/2 cup melted blue cheese from Tex Mex in a container on the side to dip the crackers into
small container of Sicilian olives marinated in sugar water and sherry wine, sun dried
Macaroni salad

Going to the store , will post pics.

>>9758764
i'm a fan of lye dressing, myself. jolly good

>>9758777
best digits confirm he is going to the store and will post pics
if he doesnt hiroyuki will have failed this site

A buttplug and a copy of The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins

>>9758695
Most of these are good
Don't know wtf this guy >>9758764 is on about tho.
My 2 cents are
>Spanish dry chorizo
>1 year old Gouda or manchego for a sweeter cheese
>La tur for soft ripened

>>9758802 presenting it while wearing a plug willnprobably improve the board. Thanks for the inspiration

>>9758821
ur supposed to be at the store taking pictures for us

>>9758821
>>9758848
Btw what store are you going to?

This and French bread ?

>>9758860
Sounds good

>>9758860
Go for the French baguette. It's better than regular French bread.

>>9758875
That's shit commodity Gouda. Smoked Gouda is absolutely plebian.

>>9758885
Havarti is a good one for a cheese plate. It's mild with a nice texture good to cleanse the pallet of stronger cheese. Hop on that chego too.

Brie cheese is not pictured

>>9758905
The bellavitono is one of the best mass production cheeses in America. (They're like our beemster not as good tho if course)

>>9758695
Hard bread is essential.

>>9758896
Chego?

>>9758912
Manchego

this is a cute thread. where do u live. can we hug

>>9758918
Good because I grabbed it

>>9758895
Dubliner or the aged cheddar kerrygold is a nice brand in general

>>9758922
Good job. What's your cart like now? I hope you picked up one of these>>9758929

>>9758966
I didn’t ,I’ll get that wendsday , store was closing . I’ll show when home .

>>9758921
You’re adorable , now suggest cheese .

Didn’t buy any meats... but meat suggestion with it ? I know they enjoy smoked salmon what goes good with it ?

Side note , I have till Xmas to experiment .

>>9759015
HEY NO
THATS THE FIG JAM I WAS TALKING ABOUT IN >>9758764
i tried the cocao one and its disgusting

>>9758997
the havarti dill cheese that aldi carries goes good with smoked salmon
also you get more bang for buck and usually a better product if you buy your salami and other cured meats as a log instead of presliced

>>9758860
I'd say just a baguette and no crackers, but that image reminds me, you need olive, and maybe artichoke hearts and hearts of palm just to give it a lil variety instead of being solely meat and cheese
also wine

>>9758997
Gabagool, nice

>Meadow in captcha

I will be adding a Brie cheese and was thinking a horseradish cheddar .

I feel like maybe going overboard on the cheeses .

Maybe have an Annihilation round or two ?

>>9759069
I will not buy this person wine .
We went out to dinner and the fucker bought $175 dollar bottles and told me my wine taste was the equivalent of a child and chicken nuggets .

>>9759127
person sounds like an ass, why are you making them a meat and cheese tray?

>>9759069
Olive hearts?

>>9759136
nah, just stuffed spanish olives, you can go with the standard pimento stuffed or get a lil fancier with something like garlic stuffed or blue cheese stuffed olives

>>9759127
Lmao, some of the best wine I've ever had has been under $50.
There comes a point where people just buy it and "like" it because it's Veblen.
That's not to say there aren't good wines that are expensive, but you don't need to shell out cash for a good tasting bottle.
Sounds like a dickhead OP.

>>9758997
I'm digging that hot capocolio. Also it's never really occurred to me to pair salmon with anything other than cream cheese. I'm intrigued and will commence experiments at once.

>>9759020
it's delicious and cheap

Eh it was a light hearted joke.

>>9759172
Oh, well shit, in context it doesn't sound as bad. Fair enough.

>>9759151
I think I found it online for $50 .
It was at a restaurant so the jacked the price most likely .

>>9759181
Hahahaha yeah but I’m definitely not buying them wine. They have more than enough .

>>9759182
Most places typically price industry standard at 200-300% retail so most likely the case.

>>9759172
whats his name? how long have you two been talking for?

Hey op I recommend next time u want to do something like this take an afternoon to read up on cheeses and meats.
A little of your own reading makes a difference but have fun

>>9759239
I have been for over a week, but I’m an extremely indecisive person .
ide rather get input from real live people than a few long winded articals on cheeses I’ve never had .
I value sonder over impersonal text I suppose .

>>9759214
That’s fucking insane .

So
Wine is like that candy of movie theater candy !

>>9759218
Slim shady .

Had a thing for them for a while , but it’s only been a few months that I’ve spend personal time with them .

I just wanted to give them Somethig special that wasn’t chicken nugget/finger paint equivalent gift.

>>9759258
Yeah I'd say so.
I don't usually drink wine at dinner when I go out.
The exception is places you pay a membership to dine at. I've got a wine locker at the club that I belong to so obviously I don't pay an uptick to drink my own wine.

maytag blue cheese (or whatever you find that looks decent) with walnuts (or pecans) and honey- and figs if you can find them

honeycrisp apples with kerrygold's dubliner cheese

port salut cheese

prosciutto and honeydew or cantaloupe

mortadella (deli will slice it)

some sort of hard salami, sliced thin

shelled pistachios, assorted olives in oil, cold grapes, assorted Carr's crackers

>>9759270
>them
So it's a tranny? A nice bottle of Clorox would be fitting for this occasion.

>>9759291
Oh shit, I forgot about port salut. Not too bad for how affordable it is.

>>9759291
Where would I find carrs

>>9759354
No.
I just rather focus on the food than what’s in anyone’s pants.

>>9759291
>kerrygold's dubliner cheese
Is that any different from the butter? Because that already tastes a lot like cheese to me.

>>9759381
It's a very rich yet sharp cheddar. It's cuz Ireland's cows are all mostly if not exclusively grass fed

>>9759372
So you are female and that is a male you want to impress. Why lie? We might be able to help you better if we knew you were flirting. Most of the posters here are female not like you have to hide

Freshly made cream cheese, with herbs on the side for guests to mix in
Brie Fermier and/or Saint-Andre
Red Hawk and/or Epoisses and/or Oma
Pt. Reyes Blue and/or Roquefort
Aged Gruyere and/or aged Gouda
Humboldt Fog and/or Monte Enebro

Pork rillettes
Duck terrine with figs
Pate de campagne
Duck prosciutto
Choice of salami

Local varietal honey (2-3 types)

Rosemary and sea salt crackers
Spelt flour crackers with sea salt
Slices of seeded baguette

Cornichons, no sugar added

(choices of cheese are intended for US citizens)

>>9759551
Thanks!

>>9759551
Mmmm pork rillettes

>>9759551
I’m so confused at what half those cheeses are

Aside from the last suggestion post I’ve made a chart of cheese , meat , and fruit/nuts/bread/crackers and made notes of what taste best with what .
Feel free to keep throwing suggestions.

>>9759127
This person sounds very financially irresponsible. I am married without children and our combined income exceeds 300k/year but there is no way we would pay over $150, let alone over $30, for a bottle of wine, unless we were celebrating once-in-a-lifetime events like the commencement of our retirement. He is probably not actually cultured, or even rich.

This seems like a good excuse to post a crostini recipe from my old job. Literally copy and pasted from training documents. If you have a clean spray bottle all the better since that is how we sprayed the olive oil.

> Baguettes, olive oil, sea salt
> Preheat oven to 250 degrees, low fan
> Cut baguettes into slices no thinner than 1/8th of an inch and no thicker than ½ of an
inch
> Place prestini on parchment paper on a baking sheet and spray lightly with olive oil
and sprinkle lightly with sea salt
> Bake for 20 minutes at 250 degrees, take out of oven and allow to cool
> Store in a labeled box in dry storage
> Crostini should be crunchy but a chore, crispy but thick enough to hold the weight of
cheese. Taste for a bit of olive oil and a kiss of salt
> When removed from the oven, crostini should not be browned past their original color
by more than a small amount. If the crostini have browned to the point of immediate
noticeability, they have been baked for too long and must be baked again. If they are
not crunchy and crispy, but still chewy, they have not been baked long enough and
should be baked at 250 degrees in 3 minute intervals, checked at each interval until
done

Worth a shot OP, all you need it an italian loaf.

Oh fuck the formatting got messed up. My bad.

> Baguettes, olive oil, sea salt
> Preheat oven to 250 degrees, low fan
> Cut baguettes into slices no thinner than 1/8th of an inch and no thicker than ½ of an inch
> Place prestini on parchment paper on a baking sheet and spray lightly with olive oil and sprinkle lightly with sea salt
> Bake for 20 minutes at 250 degrees, take out of oven and allow to cool
> Store in a labeled box in dry storage
> Crostini should be crunchy but a chore, crispy but thick enough to hold the weight of cheese. Taste for a bit of olive oil and a kiss of salt
> When removed from the oven, crostini should not be browned past their original color by more than a small amount. If the crostini have browned to the point of immediate noticeability, they have been baked for too long and must be baked again. If they are not crunchy and crispy, but still chewy, they have not been baked long enough and should be baked at 250 degrees in 3 minute intervals, checked at each interval until done

>>9758695
anon, here's a general list for you
1.) hard salami type, cut thinly. think anything like salami, pepperoni, summer sausage, etc that you can find. i really like nostrano salami myself
2.) prosciutto or speck or bresaola, cut the strips in half and roll into little tubes
3.) one hard cheese like cheddar texture, cubed
4.) one cheese with stuff mixed in like herbs or fruit, probably softer texture like mozzerella, crumbled or sliced thin
6.) one soft cheese like brie, with a moldy rind
7.) one soft cheese like ricotta, cream cheese, farmers cheese, goat cheese, mixed with fresh minced thyme and oregano and a small amount of raw garlic or shallots
8.) some sort of sour jelly like sour cherry
9.) thin crackers like panzanella, NOT like ritz
10.) cornichons, dried fruits, pickled pearl onions, pickled teardrop peppers, (anything but black) olives, or a tapenade for spreading
11.) some plain honey
12.) small coins of buttered, toasted baguette or freshly sliced w/e

>>9758695
>spend twice or more the price for cheese that could be mirrored in degree of enjoyment and utterly desotryed in terms if versatility and usage by something at a much cheaper price point
>does the same for meats and a dew other ingredients
>puts it all together into a "here you do it" presentation masquerading as elegance when all they did was line things up in a basic symmetrical configuration.
>It's not even an actual meal
You guys are pretentious faggots.

>>9759649

I don’t really care about that .

I’m just making an example of why I won’t buy them wine .

>>9759774
Let people enjoy things

>>9759724
This is wonderful .thank you

>>9759684
Love it and appreciate any other recipes

>>9758695
The fuck is this fancy overcomplicated shit? Get a wooden slab and a cheese knife, store the knife by stabbing it into the wood. There that's all.

>>9759832
It's a fuggin wooden board with a drawer in it. What's over-complicated about it?

>>9759832
>store the knife by stabbing it into the wood
Perhaps, you should place a small note under the knife that calmly explains how you are not a murderous psychopath?

>>9759862
Sounds like the kind of person who tries to put a sqare block in a round hole .

A lot of people have posted some good replies, and said similar things to what I would also recommend. So, I'm going to give you a recipe for one of my charcuterie board staples, Red Onion Jam. It goes with nearly any cheese, fruit, savories, pickles, meats, crackers, etc. And, it's incredibly easy to make, and it will give you a talking point as well as a touch of homemade goodness.

Red Onion Jam:
1 tablespoon olive oil
1 tablespoon butter
2 lbs. Red onions, thinly sliced (it's nicer if you halve them first)
1 cup dry red wine
1/3 cup either brown sugar or coconut sugar
2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar
1 tablespoon chopped fresh thyme
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon pepper
Heat oil and butter in a pan until hot and bubbly. Add onions, and saute until soft and just beginning to color. Add remaining ingredients except for the salt and pepper. Bring to a boil, then reduce heat to low and simmer until thick and syrupy, about an hour. Season with salt and pepper. Let cool, then refrigerate until the day of serving, take out and let come to room temp before serving.

>>9759862
>>9759832
>>9759901
My biggest gripe about that board is the MASSIVE trench around the perimeter that could otherwise be flat and be used as more board real estate. The only reason why there's grooves in cutting boards anyways is when your carving something wet like a roast or a watermelon, not sure why there's such a huge juice groove on a meat/cheese board.

Anyways, be sure you get some cured salami, OP. That shit is like my cocaine, and even a mediocre variety from Whole Foods is gonna go great with anything pickled and cheeses. One of my absolute favorite combinations for this kind of thing however, is aged Gran Manchego, quince paste, and a medium-bodied red wine.

>>9759826
Not recipes, but found this while looking through old work documents. Gives you some decent base knowledge on meat/cheese plates so hopefully you find it useful.
http://www.rapidshare.com.cn/SeUADoq

Place was a cocktail bar so any other recipes are for syrups and drinks. Should really post those for a booze thread sometime, forgot all about this great infusion to improve cheap Creme de Cassis.

>>9759954
It’s to neatly place crackers / fruit

>>9759958
Please do booze is great

What is the appeal of charcaturi?
I'm not trying to be mean; but from what I can tell every ingredient I. Charcaturi I've personally tasted seemed expensive for what it was and a lot of those fancy cheese in particular mostly either had this same sort of tang or this same sort of [insert term for what the manure smelling cheeses taste like] or this same sort of [word for what blue cheese tastes like] and they do kind of almost feel like a copout for presentation?

I'm just wondering what do you like about it? Is there something I don't know here?

>>9759172
Are you two fucking? You sound like a woman. Let me see your feminine penis

>>9759997
No.

>>9759978
I got you covered, just gimme a few minutes while the .zip uploads.

>>9759989
So, you don't like cheese. Go somewhere else then.

>>9760015
http://www.rapidshare.com.cn/LMH65Nn

And here we go. Honestly might make a new thread for this since this is a treasure trove of knowledge. Pardon the shitty formatting on Liquid Intelligence, was from a torrent I found awhile back but it is jam packed with solid info.

Thanks !

Let me know if you guys make a new thread

>>9760035
It wouldn’t open :/

Marinated mushrooms/artichokes

>>9762641
Shit, that's weird. Visiting a friend tonight so if this thread is still up I'll try again. Was that first link I had sent useful at least?

>>9762698
https://youtu.be/PJ87wJJrFlo

Tried this the other day and it turned out amazing.

>>9762641
If you like books try pic related.

>>9759551
how to make cream cheese??

>>9759774
And love is, like, only chemicals in your brain, man.

I hope you grow out of your tryhard phase once you finish puberty.