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/ck/ - Food & Cooking

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10648688 No.10648688 [Reply] [Original]

How do I get godly shits? Shits that leave me without even having to wipe. What do I have to eat for that

>> No.10648697

>>10648688
Vark sauce

>> No.10648699

>>10648688
playdough

>> No.10648700

>>10648688
If you eat nothing but corn for a couple of days, you won't have to wipe.

>> No.10648703

>>10648688
They say lots of fiber but all that's done for me is cause me to have a messy blowout every day about an hour after I wake up. Sure I feel all cleaned out but it's not the zero-wiper that was advertised.

>> No.10648704
File: 343 KB, 1200x800, Vegan-Burgers-Burritos-Chipotle-and-Lime-Burrito-feature-1.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
10648704

>>10648688
chipotle. i'm somewhat of a shit connoisseur and i've seen just about all of loverachelle2's vids as well as read through her blog. I think it's safe to say a loaded burrito from chipotle will result in the biggest dumps that the human anus is capable of supporting. extra guac, rice, and beans.

>> No.10648780
File: 613 KB, 1417x3158, MREs are bad.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
10648780

>>10648704
If you want big shits, you cannot surpass MREs

>> No.10648794

>>10648688
Probiotics + prebiotics

>> No.10648822

oatmeal

>> No.10648825

Keto for me.

>> No.10648853

>>10648825
Same. Only applies to ketogenic diets in which I eat vegetables every day like a reasonable person. If you only eat meat and cheese or something, you'll probably get thick and gooey shits. I think fiber is always the secret ingredient to good shits no matter what else you eat. Too much or too little fiber makes bad shits. You also need to be drinking enough water. It takes some trial and error, as well as a little time for your gut flora to stabilize after you find the right ratios.

>> No.10648879

>>10648853
I never really considered how poor my shits were before keto. I don't think most people do. Most westerners have horrible diets full of low-fiber processed carbs. They stink. Their shit stinks and they fart a lot. I also started to squat shit. It is the biologically superior shitting position. A bad diet and sit-shitting gives you a dirty ass and hemorrhoids. I have become closer to enlightenment.

>> No.10648916

>>10648688
A heaping tablespoon of Metamucil in a glass of water every morning. You will be amazed and your life will change for the better. Please know that I am not kidding or exaggerating in any way.

>> No.10648960

>>10648688
Opiates. Warning, might cause addiction and you won't shit twice a week until you are off it.

>> No.10648991

>>10648916
makes playdo poops though

>> No.10648994
File: 2.27 MB, 4032x3024, IMG_1188.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
10648994

I'm taking a dump right now, kek! The irony. Dubs chooses which button I press

>> No.10649004

>>10648994
Press the ching chong chuang button.

>> No.10649008

>>10648991
yeah but they're extremely easy to wipe.

>> No.10649009

>>10648853
This is the biggest challenge in getting good shits. It really takes time and consistency before any change you make really shows it's true results. You've really gotta play the long game.

>> No.10649012

>>10648994
press them all

>> No.10649016

>>10648994
You have to try the fourth button least once.

>> No.10649020

>>10648994
press the one that shoots a woman up your ass.

>> No.10649087

Fast for a couple days.

>> No.10649105

Eat a lot of vegetables, go for a run every day, and drink more water than you think you need.

>> No.10649178

>>10648994
The fourth button is the bidet function, wish my toilet had something like that.

>> No.10649216

>>10648960
This, honestly. When I was on heroin I could last in bed literally forever and I never had to wipe my ass, either.

>> No.10649244

>>10649178
I know what it is. Do you think I'm some kind of spastic? Get the fuck outta here

>> No.10649354

just be indian

>> No.10649373

>>10648688
man IDK how that idiot that made the toilet bowl light made like 5 million. why would I want shit water all over a flashlight inside of my toilet bowl? just another thing you gotta clean.

>> No.10649380

>>10648780
I got the laughing fits from this

>> No.10649384

Yesterday i had a huge turd and didn’t need to wipe after.
I’m amazed and this happens once in a while.
Didn’t eat anything special, in fact had lots of pizza the day before.

>> No.10649404

>>10649384
>And didn't need to wipe after.

Fucking Ameridumb you need to clean it with soap and water, no wonder why americans stink in Middle East with sweat and poop combined.

>> No.10649478

>>10649404
Die paki cunt

>> No.10649488
File: 50 KB, 400x505, 911[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
10649488

>>10648688

>> No.10649499

>>10648780
Years later, still gets me

>> No.10649513

>>10648879
>buy squatty potty because it's on sale for dirt cheap at Costco
>think it's not going to make much of a difference
>literally feel legitimately empty first time I use it
Holy fuck, it was the best shit I've ever taken. Sometimes I even hold in my shit for extended times just so I can shit at home with the comfort of a squat.

>> No.10649515

>>10648994
Press the chinese button

>> No.10649528

>>10648704
Sounds like a bad plan, desu. I would however like to know what she has to say about it in her blogs. And I am dying to know Mia Roxxx's diet

>> No.10649533

>>10649478
t. Shartin McMartin