/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.10965486]

How do you guys find the time to shit when your working a 9 to 5 full time job?

Pic unrelated

[Anonymous No.10965493]

>>10965486
I shit at work

Mostly because that is where I make coffee in the morning.

On the plus side, I spend very little money on toilet paper

[Anonymous No.10965494]

>>10965486
8 AM after my first cup of black coffee, everyday like clockwork... then shower.

[Anonymous No.10965495]

Just shit in the morning like I do

[Anonymous No.10965500]

>>10965486
shit in the morning, fucking pooping in public restrooms

[Anonymous No.10965510]

>>10965486
I'm shitting at work as I type this

.t linecook

[Anonymous No.10965519]

>>10965486
Shitting takes at most ten minutes out of my day. Its just folding into my shitposting time.

[Anonymous No.10965524]

>>10965493
Fucking this, free toilet paper plus you are shitting on the clock. You don't get paid to shit in your free time at home. Spend that extra time drinking excessively so you will have another nice big shit ready to go when you arrive at work the next morning.

[Anonymous No.10965601]

How do you all find time to shit at work? You have responsibilies and it isnt your lunch hour. The boss will see your away shitting on company time.

[Anonymous No.10965652]

>>10965601
Boss makes a dollar while I make a dime
That's why I always shit on company time

[Anonymous No.10965892]

>>10965601
>time
>lunch hour
lol, get a load of this hourly wage peasant.
>inb4 b-but at least I get paid overtime!
If you saw what the salaried folks were making at your office you'd quickly realize overtime pay is a meme used to keep up the illusion you're being well compensated.

[Anonymous No.10965921]

You build a shower enema you can use on the toilet from a 2 issue shower spout.

The second handle is attached to an enema probe.

[Anonymous No.10966115]

I work a 7-5 job. Takes me 4 minutes to shit.

[Anonymous No.10966124]

>>10966115

thanks for reporting in. You have no idea how important that was.

[Anonymous No.10966138]

>>10965486
>How do you guys find the time to shit when your working a 9 to 5 full time job?

Because some of us don't work factory slave jobs that requires us to hold it in for 8 hours straight.
Just tell your coworkers BRB i'm gonna go answer the call of doody, and have a nice 15-20 minute shit on the clock.
Nothing is more satisfying that getting paid good money to take a dump.

[Anonymous No.10966159]

>>10965486
Somewhere between 5 and 9

[Anonymous No.10966181]

>>10965486
Shit roughly twice a day during my shift, usually 10 to 15 minutes each if I'm checking my phone. Nobody cares.

[Anonymous No.10966247]

I use pic related. Takes me about 30 seconds to shit everything out and wipe. Fucking love it. Thought it was just a meme at first, but I was constipated from medicine and desperate. All of my expectations were blown. It truly is the superior way to shit.

[Anonymous No.10966259]

>>10965486
My work place treats me like a human being, I am given ample time to do basic human necessities.

[Anonymous No.10966267]

The squatty potty is such a dumb meme. You can just change the angle of your body without putting your feet up. It's this new technique called lean forward slightly.

[Anonymous No.10966269]

>>10966267
>this new technique called lean forward slightly

[Anonymous No.10966270]

>>10966247
Where do you hide it when girls show up surprisingly?

[Anonymous No.10966275]

>>10966270
>when girls show up surprisingly
Where the fuck do you think you are

[Anonymous No.10966280]

>>10966259
Is there actually a workplace out there where they give you negative feedback for needing to use a restroom, or is this all just pretend memery going on here?
I don't see how you would be able to discourage someone from doing something necessary and mostly involuntary (and insofar as it is voluntary you could give yourself health problems by forcing normal defecation not to happen for long periods of time).
If you can't be left alone even in the bathroom then that's a pretty good sign your employer is psychotic and you should find a better job.

[Anonymous No.10966281]

>>10965486
It is eating board.
Dedicated shitting board is
>>>/g/

[Anonymous No.10966286]

>>10966267
>It's this new technique called lean forward slightly.
You say that like it's obvious, but I didn't start having complete / satisfying, closure-having bowel movements until my 30s when I came across some online advice thing where a doctor recommended leaning forward to better allow everything to empty out.
They should teach this in school.

[Anonymous No.10966287]

>>10965921
Wow I thought I was the only one. Not really, there are probably thousands who have come up with this solution. My set up is just parts from the plumbing section at home depot: y-adapter with swithes, and two coil shower hoses. Neither hoses have any attachments as I prefer to shower/enema with full volume of water controlled by my thumb jamming up the water at the end of the hose. Total cost: $30 bucks maybe (was so long ago). The only annoyance is when I forget to switch it over to shower/enema and water comes out the wrong hose.

[Anonymous No.10966297]

>>10966270
>surprisingly
My girlfriend and I are recluses so that's not gonna happen. She uses it too.

[Anonymous No.10966298]

>>10966159
But then you'll fart at work all day

[Anonymous No.10966315]

>>10965486
Poop at work
Literally getting paid to poop

[Anonymous No.10966319]

>>10966286
It seems like people would naturally discover this technique, since most people are using their phones on the toilet, and thus are probably leaning forward to rest their elbows on top of their knees

[Anonymous No.10966322]

>>10966280
Slave tier labor, like walmart or mcdonalds, as well as factory jobs that require you to work as part of an assembly line

[Anonymous No.10966335]

>shower enema
be honest now, is this some kind of sexual thing???
Something seems very unnatural and uncomfortable about needing to shove a giant metal dildo up your ass and fill it with hot water.
Are you then spraying shit water out of your ass all over the inside of your shower??

[Anonymous No.10966363]

>>10966335
enema porn my d00d. i wish i were joking.

[Anonymous No.10966400]

>>10965524
I have a brap fetish and approve of this image.

[Anonymous No.10966418]

>>10966319
I've tried this and it doesn't work for me, usually just makes me more uncomfortable. I need my feet raised. I am short and my toilet height is like 19" so I'm sure that has something to do with it.

[Anonymous No.10966438]

>>10966298
That's how you establish dominance.

[Anonymous No.10966479]

>>10965892
If your salary is under six figures then please walk back to the rest of the "peasants" and get to know your neighbors

[Anonymous No.10966489]

>>10966247
That wouldn't be feasible for people with penises

[Anonymous No.10966503]

>>10965486
I eat fiber and drink coffee so taking a shit isn't a long endeavor. You go in, drop a smooth shitsnake into the toilet, wipe once usually. A few minutes max and I shit a few times a day. I took longer writing this post than I take taking a shit.

Instead of trying to bargain yourself 30 minutes to evacuate your bowels like some kind of ritual, stop eating only junk food and get to know some veggies.

[Anonymous No.10966504]

>>10965486
I shit like once a week usually

[Anonymous No.10966512]

DESIGNATED

[Anonymous No.10966518]

>>10966286
You need an entire curriculum on pooping?

>>10966418
It doesn't work for you because you're too short for certain functions. Dunno why that wasn't obvious to you

[Anonymous No.10966673]

>>10965486
I shit 3-4 times per day. (Alcoholic). I have 1 hour breaks 15/30/15 throughout the day.
I never shit on my time.
Are you shittin on your time OP? The fuck wrong with you?

[Anonymous No.10966687]

>>10965652
THIS THIS THIS

[Anonymous No.10966695]

pooping is an art, a source really.

[Anonymous No.10966697]

>>10966518
I'm surprised people don't squat by placing the balls of their feet on the toilet seat and doing a full haunches-on-heels squat to dump. Ever since trying it once that's my way to go, but it's only feasible at home when you can be barefoot because you will absolutely slip or shit onto your shoes if you do it at work.

[Anonymous No.10966700]

>>10966247
I just use a normal toilet and hinge forward at the hip.

>>10966319
That's not nearly far enough. Your knees should touch your chest.

[Anonymous No.10966790]

>>10966247
I just use one of those stepstools. The squatty potties are way overpriced for a shitty piece if plastic, like 30$

[Anonymous No.10966839]

>>10965486
I take laxatives and take 15-20 minutes in the bathroom with the toilet covered in toilet paper

[Anonymous No.10966883]

>>10966790
Those work, but the SP fits below the toilet perfectly and has a decent amount of space for feet.

>>10966489
Only partially correct, it isn't feasible for really small dicks. You'll just piss on the toilet seat because of the angle. I'm average (~4 inches soft) and it hangs well below the threshold.

[Anonymous No.10966886]

>>10966400
>I have a brap fetish
consider suicide

[Anonymous No.10966890]

>>10965486
How much of a pathetic bitch do you have to be that you can't even take a shit at work?

[Anonymous No.10966898]

>>10965524
>>10965493
Unless absolute emergency, most places I have worked only allowed bathrooms during breaks. If it becomes a regular thing, you have to get a note from a doctor (which I have) to not get in trouble. Call centers are hell.

[Anonymous No.10966924]

I have permanent diarrhea so while I may not spend twenty minutes greasing a log I may have six to eight sessions, lasting three minutes each of raging brown booty geyser.

[Anonymous No.10966926]

>>10966898
>Need a doctor's note to take a shit
Should have pooped during playtime like the good kids

[Anonymous No.10966937]

>>10965494
I also shit like clockwork whenever I am working .. it becomes totally random when I am on holidays though. Weird.

[Anonymous No.10966965]

>>10965519
Lmao my shits are like 30 mins at best

[Anonymous No.10967016]

How is this thread food related

[Anonymous No.10967021]

>>10966924
Buy some psyllium husk and oregano oil

[Anonymous No.10967122]

>>10966280
I worked at a warehouse with productivity quotas that were so hard to meet that I couldn't meet them if I had to use the bathroom even once during work hours.

[Anonymous No.10967257]

>>10966898
This is illegal, you know? There are laws against that kind of shit.

[Anonymous No.10967282]

>>10967122
Should have told them to go fuck themselves, and so should all your co-workers. Let them try and meet their "productivity quotas" when the whole crew just says fuck it and walks out on them.

[Anonymous No.10967298]

>>10967282
this
Im working at a warehouse right now, doing overtime and all but its pretty chill and theres pretty much no supervising. I take a shit at work at least twice a week, I sit there as long as I want.
If there ever was some objections/restrictions, Id 'fuck off' the boss without a second thought, and Id still keep the job cause it aint easy to find a substitute in this small town.

[Anonymous No.10967300]

the second way of taking a shit is the best if you want your rectum to literally came out of your hole if you sneeze

[Anonymous No.10967306]

>>10967257
I know, but if I complain to authorities they will ask about my citizenship and then I'd be in even worse trouble.

[Anonymous No.10967345]

>>10966898
Go to HR

[Anonymous No.10967371]

>>10966898
Lmao what? thats ridiculous

[Anonymous No.10967384]

>>10966281
You mean >>>/pol/ ?

[Anonymous No.10967494]

>>10966898
Literally illegal.

[Anonymous No.10967505]

>>10965510
Absolute nigger

[Anonymous No.10967544]

>>10967371
>>10967494
call centres will fuck u for shitting too long no lie

[Anonymous No.10967562]

>>10967257
>>10967494
Adorable

[Anonymous No.10967606]

>>10965601
>Living and working in some fucking backwater job that you could/would get in trouble for taking less than 20 minutes out of company time to literally shit.

Isn't it illegal to fire people for using the bathroom?

[Anonymous No.10967608]

>>10966247
>Actually paid money for the thing
I keep a small step-stool thing in the bathroom, you know, for reaching high cupboards and shit.

[Anonymous No.10967618]

>>10967300
My boyfriend fucks my butthole gentle enough that I'm not constantly at risk of prolapse

[Anonymous No.10967629]

>>10967606
I don't know about other countries but in the US call center employees are usually unionized and have it all spelled out in the contract, you get X number of seconds of bathroom time per day (they use various euphemisms but that's what's meant). This comes out of a balance of hours you have per month because some days you may have more shit than others, of course. If you go over you're put on probation and if you're on probation for more than a certain number of months you're fired.

It's the complete opposite of illegal, not only is it legal but it's fully understood by all parties to the agreement, and voluntary.

The reason they set it up this way is that labor-management relationships in menial jobs are always, by definition, adversarial. Any amount of room for "discretion" becomes either a way for menial workers to retaliate against the company with impunity, or a way for management to retaliate against menial workers with impunity. Human judgment is the enemy, all obligations and permissions are explicitly spelled out.

It's also why anyone with any amount of brains and motivation should avoid union work.

[Anonymous No.10967634]

>>10966418
when will they learn

[Anonymous No.10967648]

>>10967629
>Living and working in some fucking backwater
>US call centre
So I was on the money?

[Anonymous No.10967659]

>>10967648
What autism is this? Do you imagine yourself to be in some kind of dispute or wager with me?

[Anonymous No.10967694]

I work on a trading floor and my company won't let me leave the office except for absolute emergency. I've been constipated for days. On the upside the money is pretty gud

[Anonymous No.10967696]

>>10967694
I can never shit when I'm on coke either.

[Anonymous No.10967851]

>>10965601
I have 5 30 minute breaks a night. I have plenty of time to shit.

[Anonymous No.10967861]

>>10966138
Shit nigga. I am always on for half an hour minimum.

[Anonymous No.10967892]

>>10967282
The pay was significantly higher than most warehouse jobs so they didn't have a problem finding willing slaves.

[Anonymous No.10967899]

>>10966280
I'm a teacher. There's no restrictions on bathroom usage but for practical reasons (have to monitor kids) there are large stretches of time where you can't go unless you can find someone to watch your class.

[Anonymous No.10967911]

>>10967851
What are your hours and what do you do

[Anonymous No.10967915]

>>10967899
I remember once in middle school, our teacher had called out and they never sent a sub, so we fucked around all class until the worst behaved kid in the class called the front office to tell them "aye we ain't got no teacher"

[Anonymous No.10967918]

>>10965486
You don't get paid to shit? You absolute nigger.

[Anonymous No.10967957]

>>10967911
I work 6 to 6 three to four days a week. I make boxes.

[Anonymous No.10967962]

>>10967957
What kind of boxes

[Anonymous No.10967963]

>>10967962
Square ones

[Anonymous No.10967969]

>>10966247
wait seriously? you know you could just squat on the seat itself. oh wait, you just be some enormous lardass, that would explain it.

[Anonymous No.10967974]

>>10967016
Sauce??????

[Anonymous No.10967980]

>>10965486
I spend at least 20 minutes on the shitter each day. Feels good to be paid to shit.

[Anonymous No.10967985]

>>10967963
Yeah but like are they cardboard, wood, what are we talking here? Like is your job just folding cardboard boxes or nailing together crates

[Anonymous No.10967992]

I shit when I get to work, usually between 8:30 and 8:45. My body knows when I walk in, its clockwork.

[Anonymous No.10967994]

>>10967629
lol, so your unions are cucked enough to agree to stuff like that? Get new union leaders, seriously..

[Anonymous No.10968003]

>>10967629
A union is supposed to make deals with the employer that are IN FAVOR of the workers. What you spelled out is a bastardization of unions. Your union leaders have to be corrupt as fuck and paid off to make tariff agreements that involve "not allowed to shit when you have to".

[Anonymous No.10968011]

i have crohns disease and i literally shit 4-5 times a day at work at at average of 10-15mins per visit

[Anonymous No.10968020]

Literally never get the urge to shit at work unless i have diarrhea.

[Anonymous No.10968028]

>>10967974
Search Never Uber on ph

[Anonymous No.10968030]

>>10967629
Fucking hell, no wonder you people complain about unions. People here would go on strikes the second this kind of agreement was put in place, probably get the union leaders fired too or simply change unions. I'm pretty sure other unions would call out for strikes too simply to support the guys put into that hellish deal.

[Anonymous No.10968034]

>>10967974
But be prepared, the dude looks like a slightly less fat version of jack

[Anonymous No.10968037]

>>10968003
Incorruptible unions are a fairy tale and have never existed

[Anonymous No.10968059]

>>10967985
They're polypropylene

[Anonymous No.10968094]

>>10966898
At my job I can just leave wherever and claim I had a meeting lmao, get fucked

[Anonymous No.10968108]

>>10967629
>unions in the US exist to fuck the employee
lmaoing at the absolute state of you

[Anonymous No.10968124]

>>10967306
it’s almost like breaking the law in a country restricts some of the freedoms you’d have if you were there legally. incredible.

[Anonymous No.10968164]

>>10967122
This. Technically we had "breaks when you need them" but if you didnt go full blast Working for 12 hours straight, you could never meet the quoata. Fuck a few times we were short even with zero breaks to eat shit or piss. Old workers did the quoata by having several friends help from other areas of production so the boss would say "old boomer has no trouble...you're just lazy"
As far as rallying workers goes. Everyone complains but if you take a stand they always pussy out

[Anonymous No.10968455]

>>10965493
This. Morning coffee then a shit at 9:45. Could probably set a clock by it. At least a 15 minute session on the toilet looking at memes and IG thots. Make thousands of dollars a year literally shitting in a toilet at work.

[Anonymous No.10968472]

>>10965486
>your
Stopped reading right there, faggot. I'm guessing your 9-to-5 is at the local McDonald's

[Anonymous No.10968500]

>>10965486
I make sure to shit at work just to get a 10 minute break for free. Don't even fucking care.

[Anonymous No.10968555]

>all these secret rebels sticking it to the man with their epic several-minute bathroom breaks

[Anonymous No.10969053]

>>10967606
>Isn't it illegal to fire people for using the bathroom?
It's a potential OSHA violation if bathroom access is being unreasonably limited.
Also if you get a doctor's note about allowing as much time as required for ongoing bathroom access to deal with any sort of GI issues (even if it's not a full blown chronic illness and just IBS or hemorrhoids) at that point your employer will look really bad if they still try to restrict bathroom access anyway and/or fire you shortly after your note is submitted.
Most employers wouldn't bother pushing the issue if you have a note for that reason of not wanting to invite compliance violation audits, even if you're some hourly call center slave.

[Anonymous No.10969067]

>>10965486
if you gay enough to shove a tiny purple hammock into your ass im sure you already have hemorrhoids

[Anonymous No.10969115]

>>10966247
lmao lardasses paying money for this shit instead of just leaning forward for free

[Anonymous No.10969149]

>>10968037
Civilized countries like Norway say hello. The "unions are always corrupt" is american anti-union brainwashing. Fascinating that the jews have managed to make unions seem like a bad thing through media manipulation in murrica.

[Anonymous No.10969258]

>>10969149
The red state legislatures have done a remarkable job of castrating unions by passing laws permitting non union scabs in union shops effectively eliminating the only tool labor has to fight exploitation by the owners, collective bargaining. The rightwing media corporate mouthpieces like Clear Channel and Fox News and numerous websites ironically have been able to convince the workers it's in their best interests, although wages have stagnated and benefits have been slashed while corporate profits skyrocket.

[Anonymous No.10969265]

>amerimutts get whipped by their jewish masters if they try to go the bathroom at work

CAN'T FABRICATE THIS SHIT

[Anonymous No.10969273]

>>10969265
Amerifats are cucks for sure but it's even worse in certain other 'countries'.

[Anonymous No.10969281]

Getting paid to shit, lol

[Anonymous No.10969282]

>>10969273
Normal countries don't have to be compared to Somalia to look good.

[Anonymous No.10969286]

>>10965486
This is a cooking board.

[Anonymous No.10969297]

>>10969282
>t. Grandma fucked a Mexican

[Anonymous No.10969314]

>>10969282
Kek.
There probably more blacks in the USA than in Somalia. That's worrying.

[Anonymous No.10969323]

>>10969314
>population of Somalia: 13.2 million.
>population of non Hispanic blacks in the USA 37.144 million.
Really makes you think.

[Anonymous No.10969351]

is this why yanks shart themselves so much?

[Anonymous No.10969383]

is this the bashing americans for their shit labor laws thread?

[Anonymous No.10969392]

>>10969383
I've got nothing against Americans but they do seem pretty servile when it comes to being pushed around by the government. Probably corporate lobbying I guess.

[Anonymous No.10969399]

>wagecucks can't even produce bowel movements legally
How're you gonna wagecope yourself out this one, you STUPID fucking nigger SLAVES

[Anonymous No.10969412]

>>10966287
Patently absurd, anon. How often do you use it? Every morning?

[Anonymous No.10969507]

>>10969399
that worker that shat on the floor paid for your neet bucks anon, be nice

[Anonymous No.10969528]

>>10968455
Are you me? I shit at 9:45 at work after my coffee

[Anonymous No.10969593]

>>10969507
I earned my neetbux by shitting on the floor through years of halfassed call center work, I'll have you know. perma-sick, perma-paid

[Anonymous No.10969601]

>>10965486
I intentionally hold it in until I have to work so that way the man has to pay me for taking a shit.

[Anonymous No.10969616]

>>10969323
5 6 %
6
%

[Anonymous No.10969620]

Never realized how spoiled I was. My job is so comfy, has soft deadlines, pay is great and so are the people I work with.

t. Data engineer in America.

[Anonymous No.10969627]

>>10969620
>Data Engineer
Data Scientist here, it is as you describe. Plus you can take home office whenever you like as soon as there is no meetings (we only have a meeting once a week or so). Germany btw.

[Anonymous No.10969646]

>>10965892
I'm on an hourly wage and I guarantee I get paid more than you lol. It depends on a lot of things, your views are those of children.

[Anonymous No.10969670]

shitting at work is the way to go! not so much for paper costs, but the fact that I almost never have to clean my own toilet because of the limited use it gets. some refugee comes in the office at night and scrubs the disasters I cause daily.

and thanks to my pocket-sized spray bottle, I can make some nice wet wipes for a clean shit right there in the stall!

[Anonymous No.10969725]

>>10965601
Mine is a fellow fat fuck so he understands the necessity of the bathroom nirvana

[Anonymous No.10969788]

>>10966898
>get laid off from my job even though i trained 75% of the people in the call center and our numbers were phenomenal
>hear later it was because i "took too many bathroom breaks" - which was like 1 a week that wasn't during a set break

Nah bruv, they will fire your ass if you ain't got a note. They will just list it down as some other reason that doesn't end up with them liable for litigation.

[Anonymous No.10969799]

>>10965486
If you can't find time to shit when 16 hours of the day belong to you, you should just jump off a bridge.

[Anonymous No.10969869]

>>10969646
Well at a minimum you would need to be six figures, and I've never heard of a six figure hourly wage worker before.
I started to think maybe you were one of those independent contractor consultants but I don't think most of them actually charge by the hour in a traditional sense.
Pay grades are usually broken out between FLSA non-exempt (hourly) vs. FLSA exempt (salary), with all of the former being lower than all of the latter.
There was almost an updated legal requirement that you couldn't even be made FLSA exempt / salaried under something like 47K / year pay a couple years back but it was rejected by a judge at the last minute.
>>10969620
>>10969627
Yup, data scientist too, best meme job to have right now. It's like the actuary of 2018.

[Anonymous No.10969894]

>>10967306
What the fuck are you doing in a country you don't have a right to be in?

[Anonymous No.10969898]

>>10969894
Yeah, because nobody ever does that.

[Anonymous No.10969903]

>>10969898
>but other people do it too
is not an explanation as to "why"

[Anonymous No.10969912]

>>10966400
It's called onara, plebian

[Anonymous No.10969965]

>>10966319
wtf is this thing about using your phone on the toilet? how much can you really look at on your phone in two minutes?

[Anonymous No.10969987]

>>10969965
most Boomer post of the week

[Anonymous No.10969998]

Why does it take Americans so long to shit? Is that why they are always sharting in marts? To save time?

[Anonymous No.10970008]

There simply is no time when you're a cog in the machine.

INDUSTRIAL SOCIETY AND ITS FUTURE

Introduction

1. The Industrial Revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race. They have greatly increased the life-expectancy of those of us who live in “advanced” countries, but they have destabilized society, have made life unfulfilling, have subjected human beings to indignities, have led to widespread psychological suffering (in the Third World to physical suffering as well) and have inflicted severe damage on the natural world. The continued development of technology will worsen the situation. It will certainly subject human beings to greater indignities and inflict greater damage on the natural world, it will probably lead to greater social disruption and psychological suffering, and it may lead to increased physical suffering even in “advanced” countries.

2. The industrial-technological system may survive or it may break down. If it survives, it MAY eventually achieve a low level of physical and psychological suffering, but only after passing through a long and very painful period of adjustment and only at the cost of permanently reducing human beings and many other living organisms to engineered products and mere cogs in the social machine. Furthermore, if the system survives, the consequences will be inevitable: There is no way of reforming or modifying the system so as to prevent it from depriving people of dignity and autonomy.

3. If the system breaks down the consequences will still be very painful. But the bigger the system grows the more disastrous the results of its breakdown will be, so if it is to break down it had best break down sooner rather than later.

[Anonymous No.10970011]

>>10969903
It's a reason to not act surprised and ask why the fuck someone is doing a known very common thing people do.
You can express your disapproval, but don't pretend to be shocked or surprised.

[Anonymous No.10970030]

>>10965486
I haven't had a solid shit in years. Probably because of all the fucking sugar I consumed. I've given up processed sugar about 3 weeks ago. Still pissing out of my ass.

[Anonymous No.10970045]

>>10966267
>lean forward
>dick gets hard and the tip hits the water
>freak out and clean dick off

[Anonymous No.10970075]

>>10966883
can't guys not pee while shitting? females usually do both at the same time.

[Anonymous No.10970077]

I work in a big factory with about 50 men doing physical labour.
The toilet is fucking nasty and I just try to get in and out of there as quickly as possible.
I rarely shit at work, I'll hold it in the best I can but sometimes you just gotta unleash.

[Anonymous No.10970086]

"boss makes a dollar, I make a dime. That's why I poop on company time."

[Anonymous No.10970147]

>>10970086
I'd buy that shirt

[Anonymous No.10970361]

>>10967969
My dodgy plastic toilet seat can't handle the lack of load distribution of only two small points of contact for my meagre 60kg

[Anonymous No.10970367]

>>10968037
If anything the unions in Australia are corrupt but swung the other way. Workers have all the entitlement and the government forks out tonnes of cash just to keep them happy.

[Anonymous No.10970377]

>>10968164
>Murica Land of the "free", home of the cuck

[Anonymous No.10970408]

>>10969788
In real countries after an incident like that you have 90 or so days to appeal to a commission and then your company has to provide evidence of the "reason" they sacked you.
Then you get your job back, are treated like shit, but get to keep it as long as you want because the next time they try to get rid of you you appeal that they did it because you complained the first time.
After some time they give you a payout and make you sign an NDA whilst also providing a glowing reference

[Anonymous No.10970461]

>>10970075
Sometimes I have to run to the shitter and I'm not thinking about my bladder. Like I said, my penor is long enough for it to not be an issue. Sometimes I want to piss and shit at the same time, sometimes it's just a poo.

>>10969788
Depends on your productivity, I always performed better than the average phone monkey even with my extra breaks. They don't have as much of a reason to fire as long as you're making them more money than the average jackass. And of course keeping a low-profile and not causing any trouble helps.

>>10967629
>this is what retards actually believe
Unions suck for call centers, I'll agree on that, but they're really good for factories and warehouses. Amazon and Clorox and the like don't give a fuck if you've worked there for decades and have no problems firing people or making radical adjustments for even a tiny increase in profit. Unions keep them in check. Again though, fuck call centers.

[Anonymous No.10970537]

>>10967969
toilets are not designed to like that, just look at them and you can tell that the bowl is not meant to carry much weight. ceramic is incredibly sharp, this combination is going to lead to cut femoral arteries. doesn't really matter how much you weigh, it's just the structure of a toilet.

[Anonymous No.10970544]

>>10965493
>Shitting in public toilets
>Ever

[Anonymous No.10970556]

>>10970544
>public
>toilets at work
I don't work in a shopping centre or public park fuckface

[Anonymous No.10970597]

>>10965486

Wait. Do people actually shit daily?

I mean I know people with high fibre intake might, but every day? For my whole life it has been 1-2 times a week, and even then minimal waste. I eat a ton of fibre and coffee with a pretty natural diet.

I fart a bit sometimes but I don't mind at home as the musk is a little spicy amd it is comforting. Think like when you smell your own BO in bed.

[Anonymous No.10970618]

>>10970597
I shit 3 or 4 times a day.

[Anonymous No.10970736]

>>10970597
Same here. I've got a coworker who spends like an hour on the shitter every morning and every afternoon. Then again he weighs like 400 pounds. I weigh 145.

[Anonymous No.10970752]

>>10970736

I am 120 but idk. I use to be pretty chubby but I just ate healthier (for health not weight) and lost a ton of weight. My poos became for less frequent and healthy.

[Anonymous No.10970758]

>>10965486
"hey doing a quick run to the gas station for a afternoon coffee"
done. Usually I don't shit at work, shit before I shower, shit when I get home. UNless you are eating a lot of unneeded snacks and shit, you should be fine

[Anonymous No.10970767]

>>10970597
depends how much you weigh. smaller women will go every other day - every 2 days, men more likely to be daily. it's as simple as eat more > more shit

[Anonymous No.10970776]

I spend maybe 15 minutes a day pooping, but I normally go home at lunch and jack off on an extended lunch break anyway.

[Anonymous No.10970791]

>mfw I just fired someone for shitting on the clock

All you clock shitters out there are on notice. We see you. We document you. Line starts backing up? Oh! there he goes. There he goes again to go shit on the clock, and leave his fellow men behind. Your time is up, clock shitters. You'll never work in this town again.

[Anonymous No.10970800]

>>10970408
There are resources like this in the US too, it's just that most people here either don't realize it or know about it but don't want to bother.
Especially with a low paying call center type job I think most people in that demographic would rather just put their energy into finding a new low paying call center job since there's no shortage of openings for that sort of undesirable labor.
And people with larger incomes and more at stake probably wouldn't be fired over something as petty as bathroom use in the first place, so you're either not invested enough in the situation as a low income wage slave to raise an official violation concern or you're well compensated enough as a salaried professional that this never even comes up.

[Anonymous No.10970801]

>>10970556
Are you the only one using that toilet? Or do you share it with several other people, you know, since you're at fucking work? That makes it the opposite of private, which is public. So eat shit you retarded dick inhaler.

[Anonymous No.10970805]

>>10965486
they have to give you at least a ten minute shit break. You get paid to shit, it's awesome.

[Anonymous No.10970806]

>>10970791
I wouldn't be that proud of being a manager or supervisor of menial wage workers to be honest.
It's better than being one of those workers, but that's not saying much.

[Anonymous No.10970834]

>>10969412
Yes, after I do #2 in the morning. Though I made a mistake in my original description, calling it an "enema hose" when I really meant "bidet hose". It would be absurd to give myself an enema every day, and not healthy to wash out the friendly bacteria and also inject chlorinated water up there and kill more friendly bacteria.

[Anonymous No.10970866]

>>10970791
Yeah if you wanna shit on the clock then get a real job. Fucking poor people can't even take a shit lmao.

[Anonymous No.10970891]

>>10970866
You gotta pay your dues and hold it in for the first ten years after college. Then you get an office and an off the clock role so you can better focus on your inevitable stress and aging related health problems, your divorce and child support payments, the money hole of a house you got memed into taking out a mortgage for, etc.

[Anonymous No.10970952]

>>10970537
if you can sit on a toilet you can squat on it, the weight load is going to be exactly the same.
Unless you're a fat ass which would unlikely squat anyways

[Anonymous No.10970964]

>>10970891
And all this could've been avoided if people didn't pick meme degrees like business. Sucks for them.

[Anonymous No.10970972]

I'm single, forever alone and my toilet is a permanent shit stain.

[Anonymous No.10971098]

>>10970964
Eh, I've seen people with non-meme degrees get fucked too.
Lots of very smart engineers have spent years in the past working humiliatingly low skilled wage jobs during periods when their industry was in decline e.g. back in high school I remember this one lady I worked with at the grocery store who used to be an engineer but was forced to get by as a cashier instead. Or another guy I met later on at my first real job after university who does telecom engineering but was forced to work as some sort of complaint resolution call center agent for a year when his industry went bust for a while.

[Anonymous No.10971106]

>>10970964
>>10971098
Also of course IT in general, where the industry is always looking for new ways to farm out what you do to cheaper foreign H1B visa workers.

[Anonymous No.10971269]

>>10970537
>>10970952
The bowl likely won't break. But the seat might. There's a reason FOB chink immigrants and tourists are warned against perching themselves on the toilet.

[Anonymous No.10971307]

>>10970618
Cuz ur a fat fuck

[Anonymous No.10971310]

>>10970791
>There he goes again to go shit on the clock, and leave his fellow men behind
Ur damn right

[Anonymous No.10971318]

>>10971307
Fat people shit less often from what I've noticed.
Not sure why you would assume the opposite.
When you're fat food is something that's working really nicely for you.
It's when you're skinny that your GI tract is screwed up and you can't hold in shit for more than a few hours at a time.

[Anonymous No.10971324]

>>10970791
Enjoy losing to unemployment, and shit more than likely coming back at you. Unless you have proof that they were slacking off or doing anything aside from shitting they will win a sweet deal. Even with an "at will" state something like that is an instant loss to the company

[Anonymous No.10971365]

>>10965486

I literally leave work and go home if I have to shit. Been doing this for 9 years now and no one has said a thing.

[Anonymous No.10971368]

>>10965486
one of the benefits of being constipated all the time is that you can hold in a shit for a week
I actually did that once on my middle school class trip because I was too autistic to shit in the hotel bathroom
when I got home I spent at least an hour on the toilet

[Anonymous No.10971426]

>>10965486
Shit on company time. There use to be an app (it might still exist) which tracks how long you poop and how much you're paid per hour and gives you a total for how much your company has paid you to shit.

[Anonymous No.10971481]

>>10971318
you're full of shit. both figuratively and literally.

>skinny people are screwed up
only a flyover lardass would ever post anything like this. off yourself.

[Anonymous No.10971530]

>>10965486
Shit on the street while eating lunch outside

[Anonymous No.10971882]

>>10971368
constipation is a major cause for colon cancer. be careful anon

[Anonymous No.10972039]

>>10965486
Over the Road trucker here.
I am required to drive 11 hours a day with 1 unpaid 30 minute break halfway thru the day.
I normally work 14 hours, then sleep/off duty for 10, then start again.
I live in my (company) truck.
I use a 5 gallon bucket with a 13 gallon trash bag inside, added a toilet seat.
Shit before I start my day, on my break and before bed.
Pull the bag, tie a knot and toss it out the passenger window while I drive.
When I was trained to drive, my company trainer wore a diaper, he always was runny. He kept the cab about 90° and only wore shorts. Stunk so bad I barely made it to my 30 training days.

[Anonymous No.10972097]

>>10965519
Is that a game?

[Anonymous No.10972282]

>>10967608
>being a manlet

[Anonymous No.10972286]

>>10966280
Amazon warehouses don't let their employees pee

[Anonymous No.10972295]

I shit at home.
Work's stalls have wide gaps in the frames that let you see into them even when you're not trying to.
Also I squat to shit because its so much easier and you have to wipe less.
I don't really want anyone to see my dick and balls hanging past my ass as I squat over the toilet because the frames of the stalls aren't built for real privacy.

[Anonymous No.10972421]

>>10966335
Gays and girls use it to clean their asses for anal sex

[Anonymous No.10972740]

>>10966286
People are retarded in that they have to be taught everything. You take a dog from its family and it'll figure out how to squat and poop just fine on its own, while babies are forced to wear diapers and shit themselves like its normal until years later they are taught to grunt and strain on a toilet.

[Anonymous No.10972744]

>>10972421
How does that work, doesn't it just end up with turds all over the floor of the shower?

[Anonymous No.10972810]

>>10971481
No, you're wrong on all counts. I'm from the East Coast, I'm underweight, not overweight, and like I already told you, speaking as someone with GI problems who's in the restroom often, most of the people you see similarly using the restroom often are skinny, not fat.
Fat people are fat because their bowels work well you retard. It's underweight people who use the bathroom all the time.
Again, why would you even think the opposite? If your bowels were giving you trouble all the time you wouldn't be eating to excess, that's stupid.

[Anonymous No.10972813]

>>10967969
>>10970952
>just squat on the seat bro
>it won't bite

[Anonymous No.10972817]

>>10965486
>9 to 5
Who the fuck worjs 9 to 5 unless you're a public worker? Try more like 9 to 6

[Anonymous No.10972835]

>>10966275

>>>10966270
>>when girls show up surprisingly
>Where the fuck do you think you are

[Anonymous No.10972885]

>>10971106
Data engineer from earlier. If you can get average grades or better and not be socially autistic then you're basically guaranteed a well paying job. Most fail the autism part though.
All my friends got jobs right out of college, most without prior experience. Some literally just talked to a recruiter and then received an offer letter weeks later, without even applying. Charisma > Grades.

[Anonymous No.10973032]

>>10965486
I make a nickel the boss makes a dime that's why I shit on company time

[Anonymous No.10973036]

>>10972813
I've been doing it for 2 decades, try and stop me

[Anonymous No.10973100]

>>10970377
Im in Canada but close

[Anonymous No.10973144]

>>10970801
>hurr durr the toilet in my house is public because my roommate shits there
dumbass twat

[Anonymous No.10973149]

>>10970891
That feel when I charge more rent on my property that pays off its own mortgage than I have to pay for the place I actually live in

[Anonymous No.10973163]

>>10972282
Sorry, I don't live in the land of the cuck. My building has ceilings that are 3.5m high and wall to ceiling cupboards.

[Anonymous No.10973413]

>>10965892
If you work for the government or for a contractor you have to log hours.

[Anonymous No.10973609]

>>10972097
That’s from Pathfinder, a Dungeon and dragons offshoot. Basically the same thing

[Anonymous No.10973692]

>>10965892
Yup. Worked for a state warehouse last year and 20+ hours of overtime is not worth it after taxes and what I'd does to your sanity.

[Anonymous No.10974004]

>>10967562
>>10967306
>the absolute state of (((burgerland)))
No pooping on the clock, goy! You have to go that bad? Just go in your pants! Change when you get home! That's my money you're trying to steal!

[Anonymous No.10974414]

>>10973609
B-but the right told me if they aren't allowed to force me to shit my pants and only allow me 5 days vacation until 10 years on the job, when they benevolently up it to 10, then it's communism, so I support them.

[Anonymous No.10974530]

>>10965601
>The boss will see your away shitting on company time.
And? My boss knows you need to shit. If your boss doesn't, get a new job.

[Anonymous No.10974536]

>>10965486
Alright, I don't care about the "internal stress" from pooping like this, but you think if I started squatting I wouldn't go through 2 rolls of TP after a night of heavy drinking?

[Anonymous No.10974546]

>>10972810
I'd like to assume this is bait, but Christ Almighty how could anyone seriously think being fat is a side effect of good digestive track.

also, what kind of fucking weirdo monitors other folks bathroom usage to use as points on an imageboard? are you for real!?

[Anonymous No.10974558]

>>10974414
What?

[Anonymous No.10974624]

>>10974546
You're thinking about it backwards. It's less about good bowels causing obesity and more about screwed up / painful bowels making the eating required to be fat less likely.
By analogy you're probably less likely to work as a roadie if you have sensitive ears that hurt badly around noise.
If you're doubled over in pain and having horrible diarrhea from food how the fuck are you going to eat to excess on a regular basis to become obese?
You wouldn't, that's the point. You need good bowels if you're going to eat that much, otherwise you'd just be doing the equivalent of stabbing yourself in the gut repeatedly in exchange for a flavor in your mouth.
Similar mistake you're making on the second point. I didn't look for people in the bathroom to prove a point in this argument. I already told you, I'm underweight and have fucked up GI problems so I'm in the bathroom often as it is. And I never see the fat people walk in there, it's always skinny people you notice walking (or running) in all the time.

[Anonymous No.10974733]

>>10972813
>Uncle lives with my family
>there's a ceramic soap holder
>one day he slips and his ass ends up breaking the soap holder, cutting it like in half
>He starts bleeding badly
>gets his ass clumaped and stitched
>now we call him 4 cheeks john

[Anonymous No.10974781]

>>10974004
Right idea, wrong boogyman.

[Anonymous No.10974892]

>>10974733
>cutting his ass on a soap holder
What? Was he shoving it up his ass?

[Anonymous No.10975295]

>>10965486
So by the same logic is the reverse cowgirl position the best way to hit the prostate? Asking for a friend.

[Anonymous No.10975320]

>>10966400

[Anonymous No.10975557]

>>10974558
hes bitching about working conditions because he is unskilled.

[Anonymous No.10975570]

I take multiple 10 minute shits throughout the day and never get shit for it

[Anonymous No.10975573]

>>10970597
You must be small and/or a woman. You don't eat as much so you don't need to poop as much as someone bigger.

[Anonymous No.10975582]

>>10975320
lmao what the absolute fuck is wrong with japan

[Anonymous No.10975594]

>>10975320
>Ywn be crushed by the great ass wall of Kanto
Why even live bros?

[Anonymous No.10975598]

>>10975582
nothing

[Anonymous No.10975607]

>>10972039
Kek
Pls be real

[Anonymous No.10975610]

>>10975607
Most likely. My brother's a trucker and a lot of them really are that disgusting.

[Anonymous No.10975663]

>>10965486
I work 10pm to 7am 6 days a week and find time for a massive shit every evening at 9.
I quit drinking is the short story as to how I have time.

[Anonymous No.10975670]

>>10966898
That's explicitly illegal in Illinois and most states have an equivalent to our "One Day Rest" law which is the basis of our worker's rights.

[Anonymous No.10975678]

>>10968108
They exist to perpetuate themselves and any benefit to the worker is a byproduct.
You are alone in the world, these are constructs for an abstract collective.

[Anonymous No.10975958]

>>10974624
If you used any more circular logic you'd be twisted around your own dumbass digestive tract

[Anonymous No.10976015]

>>10966267
Best shits I've ever had have been on the side of the road when out on my bike. Ka-Chow and its all gone in one shot.

In related poops, I can definitely tell its blueberry season. My turds have been green like the hulk for the past week.

[Anonymous No.10976251]

>>10965601
If it's a slow day and my tables are all eating I will pinch one out, sometimes even rub one out while I'm doing it. I wash my hands and customers have no idea lol

[Anonymous No.10977270]

>>10976015
i know that feeling bro. One time i was locked in a room for 4 hours and badly needed a dump, luckily i had a trash bag in my room, i just squatted down in a natural squat position, and held the trash bag wide open, and the poo i pressed out was so damn compressed, it even made squicky noises when coming out, it was an absolute unit, shiny, one solid log, and i felt fucking good after it. sorry for the details but im bored right now.

[Anonymous No.10977274]

>>10965486

9 to five jobs are for plebs.

[Anonymous No.10977279]

>>10965486
Shit on company time, bruh.

[Anonymous No.10977312]

>>10975320
I think the land invasion would've gotten the go ahead if they knew what would happen in the future.

[Anonymous No.10977356]

>>10966281
What about for indoors?

[Anonymous No.10977496]

>>10975958
It's not circular, it's very straightforward.
You're retarded and somehow believe people with bad digestive systems who need to take frequent shits would be *more* likely to shove food down their throats instead of less likely.
That's not how it works. When something gives you problems, you're not going to be more likely to indulge in that something.
I still have no idea how you came to that retarded conclusion.

[Anonymous No.10977531]

>>10965486
I don't work any more

[Anonymous No.10977539]

>>10977496
>When something gives you problems, you're not going to be more likely to indulge in that something.
Utter nonsense. Ever hear of addiction? Obesity? Binging?

[Anonymous No.10977597]

>>10977539
Addiction doesn't happen because of the problems, it happens *in spite of* the problems.
>obesity / binging
I'm sure there exist some people who binge eat and are obese while also having fucked up GI tracts that give them lots of pain and frequent bowel movements.
What I've been arguing though is that this isn't more common, it's less common.
If you're eating tons of food it's probably because you enjoy it and aren't getting lots of pain and suffering in response to it.
If you want to go with your addiction example, people who are allergic to alcohol and just feel like shit from even small amounts of it are probably less likely to become alcoholics, not more likely.
And while *after* you're already an alcoholic you end up with an entirely different set of problems, that doesn't invalidate the fact you probably need to have a good reaction to alcohol to begin with before you can even get to that point of abusing it.

[Anonymous No.10977645]

>>10977539
Also diarrhea severely reduces the amount of nutrition / calories you get out of food.
So if you're going to the bathroom all the time, it's a lot more likely you're going to be on the lower end of the weight spectrum than the upper end.
Like I've said, this isn't just speculation, you can see it in practice if you're in the bathroom often yourself. It's the skinny dudes with GI problems taking shits multiple times a day.
Fat people are obviously getting a lot of nutrition / calories, and more often than not they're probably doing fine with digestion because if they weren't than they'd need to eat even more ridiculous amounts of food to make up for all the nutrition / calories lost from diarrhea.
This is why children with GI problems end up with stunted growth, or why diarrhea is a leading cause of death from malnutrition in third world countries.
Your belief taking shits all the time means your fat is just wrong, in every possible way.
I think you're imagining defecation frequency is somehow a product of food intake amount, but that's not how it really works. When you get older and have your first colonoscopy you'll see when you take your enema that you're pretty much always able to shit out massive amounts even when you haven't been eating much. Fat people have more substance to their shit once they finally get around to defecating, but they're fat so their high performing GI tracts are going to extract every last bit of sustenance out of their food before releasing one large piece of shit all at once.
They're not running to the bathroom every two seconds with diarrhea, that's a lower weight person thing predominately.

[Anonymous No.10977660]

>>10965486
I used to have that problem OP, here's the solution I found for myself, try it out and see if it works for you

[Anonymous No.10977691]

>>10977660
What porno is this from?

[Anonymous No.10977710]

>>10977597
>Anonymous 07/28/18(Sat)09:04:41 No.10977597▶
>>>10977539
>Addiction doesn't happen because of the problems, it happens *in spite of* the problems.
I don't disagree with that. I was simply pointing out how absurd it is to state that people automatically stop doing problematic things. Just because something causes problematic side effects doesn't mean that someone is necissarily going to stop that behavior.

>>What I've been arguing though is that this isn't more common, it's less common.
That's perfectly reasonable.
But the post I replied to said nothing about common vs. uncommon; it implied that it didnt exist, period. That's very different than "uncommon".

[Anonymous No.10977761]

>>10969670
damn that's a fucking good idea, I'm gonna start doing that

[Anonymous No.10977770]

>>10977660

[Anonymous No.10978553]

>>10967306
>illegal spic
i hope you die soon

[Anonymous No.10978562]

>>10966270
>girls
>no penis
ewww

[Anonymous No.10978579]

>>10965486
I work a professional position which allows me to shit as needed? Obv, would be different if I worked in customer service or in a factory/warehouse.

Do you not get breaks?

[Anonymous No.10978596]

Where the fuck do you people work if you can't take a shit when needed?

[Anonymous No.10978759]

>>10978596
The United States of America

[Anonymous No.10978825]

>>10978579
Dude, I work fucking customer service for now and I go foe a shit as i please. I just close the store and go.
They can get fucked.

[Anonymous No.10978852]

>2018
>not taking your shits standing up

[Anonymous No.10978873]

>>10978759
*Mandatory.

Personally, I'd like a bit more socialism in America, but this is one avenue where the free market does alright. If you're even remotely skilled, you'll get vacation days.

If you have a McWage job, you probably don't get vacation. The good news is though, you can pick up and drop jobs like this whenever you want.

[Anonymous No.10978876]

>>10978579

I work in a factory running a CNC Mill, if the parts I'm running have long cycle times I'm basically free to walk away as I please. Granted, i'm also not a retard who takes forever to do set up and inspections so I tend to have more free time then some.

[Anonymous No.10979043]

>>10978873
Oh boy, a week's vacation for a year of work!

Work culture in America is fucked. I recently quit my corporate job that gave me a "generous" 15 days of PTO - which includes sick and vacation. So, better not schedule an actual vacation, in case you get sick!

Now I work part-time on a contract job and the fuckers are already trying to make me work more hours than we agreed to... and I'm three weeks in. I said no.

[Anonymous No.10979094]

>>10965493
Boss makes a dollar, I make a dime, that's why I shit on the company time.

[Anonymous No.10980177]

>>10965486
I can only shit at home. my body literally shuts down other than taking a piss at work. I cannot shit in a non private bathroom.

[Anonymous No.10980231]

>>10965486
I shit squatting as image shows before work and once nearly done I'll squeeze the last bit in the shower and wash the shit out of my ass
not washing my ass in the shower guarantees loose shit wandering around my asscheeks before an hour has passed which leaves me wiping over and over

[Anonymous No.10981036]

>>10980231
Wtf

[Anonymous No.10981054]

>>10966898
>tfw i take multiple shits per day as a federal employee
>tfw your taxes literally pay for me to drop turds

[Anonymous No.10981799]

>>10981036
true story been living like this for the better part of 10 years

[Anonymous No.10981812]

If you hate your job enough that you spend hours on the fucking toilet to stick it to your boss you really need to find another job lads.

[Anonymous No.10981833]

>>10966898
OI, YOU GOT A LICENSE FOR THAT SHIT?