Oatmeal Creampie Cookies

[Anonymous No.14189402]

were these cookies created to condition us to today's era of hyper-promiscuous super sluts?
can these cookies be enjoyed in an era where hardcore pornography is considered part of a balanced lifestyle?
if you're gay, is it easier to enjoy these cookies because you don't think of drooling vulva wounds whenever you spy a row of these cookies in a case or on the packaging of the boxes always on the lowest shelf of the aisles so as to force you into a positional submission to the Grocer generously giving you the creampies, much the same as if you were kneeling at the bedside, or even fully pronate as they took things to the floor, Little Debbie or Sarah Lee having returned from their Kibbutzim-of-discovery, a long distance show where there were these guys who never spoke English whenever they appeared in their webcams and Sarah and Debbie had to quickly cut things short, it always seemed like those fuzzy friends of theirs were always in some kind of hurry, and so it always seemed a nice thing to do to be understanding and let them go about what they needed, that's the specific genre of cuckery engendered in the Oatmeal Creampie Cookie's marketing,

[Anonymous No.14189404]

>>14189402
indistinguishable from any vaingloriously phone-lamp illuminated slurping of unspeakable remnants, it's all evident in that extra tingle you feel about your salivary glands and behind your eyes when your thirsty vision scans one of the always slightly abused boxes of goo-pumped sandwich cookies, your mind goes immediately to the factory's hot melt extrusion machine and its 72 to 96 hour runs of squirting precisely emulsified sugary paroxysms into the clams of thousands of queued cookie shells, and you cannot imagine how the shameless inventors of these cookies ever managed to market these deviant things in the first place, how were they not tarred-and-feathered the minute they fled the bank's foyer, right into the clutches of a crowd hungry for justice, and escaping this fate, they made the world in which hypersexualized desserts flaunt their "lifestyle" at you everytime you fancy yourself a new man with a new amount of self control that needn't any Oreos and isn't one to be fooled by no Keeblers either, anymore than feel there's a void of self respect that might send us into the Pepperidge Farm cartons, but then we see them, the sluttily beaten boxes, bent and sullied as if right before boxing they were conveyed immediately into a meat-slapping gauntlet of prodigious phalluses hefty with their musculatures of perennial pussy-punching, but holding in reserve their thrusts, the dicks became fleshy filthy hammers defiling the cookies, to give the boxes a sordid look of twisted, disgusting sensuality.

[Anonymous No.14189566]

They should just rename them to something that isn't a colloquialism for ejaculating inside a vagina

[Anonymous No.14189979]

[Anonymous No.14189986]

>>14189402
>>14189404

That's a take I haven't heard before

[Anonymous No.14189995]

This reads like Pynchon. Is that you Tom?

[Anonymous No.14190867]

>>14189402
>Oatmeal Creampie Cookies
I think you mean oatmeal cream cookies

[Anonymous No.14190884]

>>14189402
why do americans take a perfectly good thing such as oat meal cookies and ruin them with some sort of sauce?

[Anonymous No.14190997]

>>14189566
Creme pie desserts have existed longer than the use of that term, why should cream pies have to change?

[Anonymous No.14191183]

Extremely based take

[Anonymous No.14191198]

>>14191183
t. faggot

[Anonymous No.14191227]

>>14191198
*Your

[Anonymous No.14192633]

>>14189402
If you give these cookies as a gift will people assume you're a swinger?

[Anonymous No.14193114]

>>14190997
This.

[Anonymous No.14193328]

>>14189402
I'm not sure I follow, but your cookies look nice. Probably would get messy eating them.

[Anonymous No.14193360]

>>14190884
Rent free

[Anonymous No.14193376]

>>14189402
imagine being such a coomer that you can't separate sex from any other aspect of your life, especially one as asexual as cooking for sustenance or pure enjoyment

[Anonymous No.14193402]

nigga can I just enjoy things please

[Anonymous No.14194664]

>>14189566
Nope. They should double down and make cream-filled clamshells instead of simply stacking two cookies on top of each other. Keep calling them creampies. Say it loud and shout it from the rooftops.

Oat!
Meal!
Cream!
Pie!

[Anonymous No.14194667]

>>14189402
Calm down we all know you hate your girlfriends but still accuse others of being gay for getting divorces when you have ten

[Anonymous No.14194671]

>>14189402
What a fucking weirdo you are, op

[Anonymous No.14194678]

OMG YASSS CREAMPIES

[Anonymous No.14194943]

i normally don't expose such things, OP, and it's not that there is any coincidence between sexual depravity and highly marketed snack and dessert food items, not exactly at least, because it is fairly obvious that once capitalism invents a new food, there commences a parallel and concerted effort to exploit human sexuality to market the newly invented stuffed snack cake or nut butter wafers by as powerful if esoteric a programming as can be purchased, and they do this not to be sickos but because it is shrewd to do so and because any leader of Conagra or Hersheys feels the anxious funk of fiduciary responsibility lurking up from their custom collars and so would never shy away from telling a local fetish community or one practicing in a prominent city that there is a new edible this or that on the way and there was a sky-high market for appropriating a sufficiently graphic sexual act that you had hopes of imprinting, branding deep into the potential customer's psyche a parallel connection between fecundate fucked flowers spitting out their pollination and your desperately eternally not-chocolate chip cookies. How would you compete against a chocolate chip cookie? It may be one of the few cookies without a scandalous ulterior slang. Market forces push us into exploring these things and it turns out it actually works. Stouffer's sneaks serious coin to homosexual helotry to broaden the meanings behind "chipped beef," apparently one can only be a recipient of the "on toast" version if it is a specific format of Hammam. Twinkies basically invented, many decades ago, an entire genre of homosexual males who outlasted the brand of the snack that required their generation in the first place. RingDings, a slang for a sexual injury often incurred during CN-C play where the anal sphincter does not yield and "Daddy" bounces his clobbered member somewheres other than your butt's guts, it's also hard to shake the elaborate medical play required of a "swiss roll."

[Anonymous No.14196386]

>>14189402
Has the thread come to any consensus hypothesis?

[Anonymous No.14196389]

>>14196386
consensus is fuck people of mahogany complexion

[Anonymous No.14196454]

>>14196389
long as dem soles peachy pink we good cuh

[Anonymous No.14197192]

My mom told me that if I eat creampie I am cuck. Is she wrong?

[Anonymous No.14197867]

>>14197192
Depends. Do you lick the cream out first and get some good tongue action going, or do you take a full bite and swallow a nice fat load all at once?

[Anonymous No.14197951]

>>14189566
Or you could be less of a /coom/brain.
>mfw when that’s my first association too

[Anonymous No.14198002]

I like the effort in this, but don't attack a staple of my childhood. Instead go after something that actually sucks, that's new, that is put out by a multinational billion dollar company. Go for the high hanging fruit you cocksucker.

[Anonymous No.14198043]

>>14198002
Like what?

[Anonymous No.14198133]

>>14189402
can you repeat that please?

[Anonymous No.14198281]

>>14189402
>>14189404
>>14194943
blessed thread

[Anonymous No.14198378]

>>14196389
"Yes."

[Anonymous No.14199455]

>>14189979
god I want to eat out Little Debbie's creampie filled pussy

[Anonymous No.14199467]

>>14189402
>he can't enjoy the wholesome flavor of an Oatmeal Nakadashi
shig

[Anonymous No.14201067]

>>14198002
you mean like
>voss water bottles with fruit slices
>extra protein pancake mix and peanut butter

[Anonymous No.14201481]

>>14198002
>>14201067
You should do Tyson Anytizers or Morningstar tranny patties next

[Anonymous No.14201609]

>>14189402
>
tldr but fuc kthose look good

[Anonymous No.14203198]

no cookies are innocent anymore