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/ck/ - Food & Cooking

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File: 111 KB, 960x720, IMG_2519.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15129183 No.15129183 [Reply] [Original]

Bros i really fucked up. I insisted I'd host Thanksgiving this year and well, we aren't having turkey :^(

>> No.15129202

>>15129183
bro it's fine you're not supposed to have medium rare turkey anyways, chow down

>> No.15129210

>>15129183
Reminds me of that picture of the PMC in Iraq.

>> No.15129214

>>15129183
Throw that shit in some water with a ton of vegetables. Would make for some really dark stock.

>> No.15129215
File: 101 KB, 766x666, oh no.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15129215

>>15129183
I didn't believe you.
Damn anon, you fucked up bad. Are the side dishes ok?

>> No.15129219

my mom also accidentally made the turkey face down
the breast was completely flattened and mushy at the end

her and my aunt were wondering why It looked so weird and then I told them what they did

>> No.15129221

>>15129183
Just go buy everyone's McDonald's

>> No.15129225

>>15129183
HOW?

>> No.15129232
File: 159 KB, 769x1000, 15658332468fe4f4612e4ab2c49c9b95f5b8abcbe3.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15129232

>>15129183
Looks like 1 of these

>> No.15129245

>>15129214
It's going to be really bitter from being charred like that. Maybe adding in a small piece could be okay, but using the whole thing would probably make for some nasty stock.

>> No.15129259

>>15129245
That's why I said a 'ton' of vegetables.

It shouldn't be that bitter. We used to char the fuck out of veal bones and even get some color on the vegetables before chucking them into the steam kettle to cook for 12 hours.

>> No.15129268

looks good

>> No.15129273

>>15129259
I think charring bones might be different than the meat/skin/fat being charred which might be more soluble in water but I could be wrong.

>> No.15129293
File: 1.50 MB, 2582x1936, sadface.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15129293

>>15129183
iktfb

>> No.15129315

>>15129183
How do you fuck this shit up?

>> No.15129333
File: 2.90 MB, 300x300, Tofu Turkey.webm [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15129333

>>15129183
Have you tried vegan turkey? Much harder to fuck up.

>> No.15129357

>>15129333
That looks grim

>> No.15129361

>>15129357
all food looks the same once digested

>> No.15129369

>>15129361
True, but I won't be eating poop any time soon.

>> No.15129373

>>15129333
kek wtf

>> No.15129384

>>15129293
I killed the fucking bird?

>> No.15129385

>>15129333
isn't all stuffing vegan???

>> No.15129391

>>15129333
much harder to keep down too

>> No.15129395

>>15129333
>>15129361
I would rather eat nothing than eat that pile of shit

>> No.15129397

>>15129385
At Christmas we have two types - stuffing and sausage stuffing

>> No.15129399

>>15129183
IT's not over. cut off the charred bits. May not be as juicy but it will be less charred.

>> No.15129423

>>15129361
try eating something else besides corn

>> No.15129428

>>15129183
More gravy anyone?

>> No.15129430

>>15129385
It's made with broth normally.

>> No.15129440

>>15129430
Broth, eggs, and in america they often use the giblet package that the birds come with.

>> No.15129577
File: 17 KB, 381x400, All Of My Hate.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15129577

>>15129333

>> No.15129595

>>15129333
how miserable the life of vegan must be. this is sad.

>> No.15129642

>>15129384
well ya, i killed the bird i got. overcooked so much that all the fat and moisture rendered out and pooled in the pan while the meat fell off the bone dry as dust. i threw a lot of it away. that was a pic of it, feels badman

>> No.15129643

>>15129333
Is slapping your nuts vegan?

>> No.15130177
File: 60 KB, 1200x628, Trump-Laughing.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15130177

>>15129333
>the "drumsticks"

>> No.15130192

>the retards on ck can't even cook
why am I not fucking surprised

>> No.15130296

I need the full story on how you did this. Did you cook it for 8 hours instead of 4? Try to crisp the skin at 500F and forgot it? What happened?

>> No.15130303

>>15130296
I didn't use a premade recipe (aka cheating) and just used the time i thought would work like a real chef. I figured making a turkey would be simple...

>> No.15130359

>>15129183
this isn't a Thanksgiving dinner, this is the opening to RoboTurkey

>> No.15130370

>>15129369
That's what YOU think

>> No.15130380

>>15130303
>a premade recipe (aka cheating) and just used the time i thought
I guess using a recipe isn't cheating and you didn't know shit and now your family's day was ruined because Autismo knew better than everyone else

>> No.15130388

>>15130303
buy a meat thermometer you retard.

>> No.15130403
File: 439 KB, 492x503, 1585129255037.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15130403

>>15130303
You absolute fucking mong, turkies are notoriously easy to fuck up and should be one of the things that you do at least consult recipes for - and only consult after you actually know how to cook. It's not 'cheating' if you're not experienced enough to even understand how to *modify* a recipe, let alone create one through intuition. You idiot.

>> No.15130437

>>15129183
Did you get drunk and forget it OP? Also, check your smoke detectors

>> No.15130462
File: 2.58 MB, 480x360, fire.webm [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15130462

I like how you still put it on a nice plate

>> No.15130471

>>15129333
>Preparing baked gelatinous loaf over the course of several hours instead of fresh, respectable food, just without meat
Why the fuck do they do this

>> No.15130599

>>15129183
BLACKED

>> No.15130614

>>15130303
Based

>> No.15130661

>>15130388
>meat thermometer
Not a thing.

Just thermometers. Most professionals that aren't leaving the thermometer in the oven like mechanical thermometers, the kinds with bimetal strips that can be recalibrated with a pair of plyers or any tool really. I need to find my long ass thermometer for candy though because my skin is getting a little thin and I'm not sure I want to stick it in sugar and water for Christmas.

>> No.15130763

>>15130661
wtf you managed to put something in every sentence that you need to be slapped for

>> No.15130780

>>15129333
Anons are giving this loaf shit, but the tofurky roast is actually pretty good. The stuffing they put in it tastes like shit though.

>> No.15130785

...How did you not notice it turning black?

>> No.15130798

>>15129219
I'm sorry about your mom's breast anon

>> No.15130841

It's ok anon, fucking up in the kitchen when you are cooking something new or not very familiar with is just part of the learning process. Every family usually has a bad-turkey story.. That looks pretty far gone, but you could possibly cut off the meat and steam it in a shallow covered pan with some stock/wine, etc.. I've done that before with overcooked poultry to rehydrate it and it works out sometimes.

>> No.15130993

>>15129333
Vegans don't like animal products yet will try to imitate them so badly. Is it me or does this show that vegans are mentally ill?

>> No.15130999

>>15129232
I'm so mad, I wish I had ordered The Emperor

>> No.15131012

>>15130993
It's you being really, really stupid. So stupid that you don't understand the most simple things in your surroundings. Too stupid to be considered human.

>> No.15131013

>>15129183
How do you burn a turkey?

>> No.15131095
File: 2 KB, 125x125, 1565202507629s.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15131095

>>15129333
this is bread with chicken taste, also looks nasty

>> No.15131188
File: 70 KB, 746x740, 1569523133149.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15131188

>>15130403
I just read a little prep for the turkey in Joy of Cooking but kept it simple since it was my first turkey.
Quail, hen, chicken, whatever. Brine, butter, season, baste, 400 then 325-350 13-15 minutes per pound. Only thing was I bought a fucking 24 pound bitch and had to deal with a psycho mom so I lost almost all desire to even want to step in my own kitchen and check on it.

It came out a little more done than I wanted, and I didn't have any baking twine so I couldn't tie it up and whatnot. It's juicy as fuck though, perfectly seasoned, and just the right amount of crunch. What recipe would I even follow?

>> No.15131190
File: 69 KB, 960x720, pug-work-at-home4.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15131190

>>15131095

>> No.15131258

>>15129333
vegan '''''''food''''' really is just different shades of sludge
unspeakably grim

>> No.15131281

>>15129361
That's literally untrue

>> No.15131294

>>15130471
Cause having meat is obviously superior so they wanna mimic that.

>> No.15131306

>>15130303
Well you obviously aren't a real chef are you

>> No.15131314

>>15131258
>fruit
>vegetables
>sludge
Anon, there is plenty of low hanging fruit with vegan food but saying it's all sludge just makes you look bad, especially when you're talking about the thing that is made to replace meat

>> No.15131425

>>15131188
Stop cooking for psycho family and work on ways of getting out of there. It never turns out well. Dont feed them, leave them.

>> No.15131593

>>15129333
I'm not against vegan food but there's no way that tastes or feels anything remotely like turkey

>> No.15131849

>>15131593
Between the soya sauce, nutritional yeast, and poultry seasoning... it's got the right stuff to be in the ballpark. If the gluten can toughen up enough to give a bit of snap... maybe not the same ballpark, or even the same league, but it's the same sport.

My last tenant/roomie did something really similar, but his had mushrooms and tempeh in it... and he gave the outside a quick oil baste near the end of baking to crisp it up a bit. It wasn't terrible. His mushroom gravy was top-notch.

>> No.15131986
File: 134 KB, 435x239, pyrolysis.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15131986

>>15129183
don't worr, it's just been pyrolized! :)

>> No.15131987

>>15129333
>the ‘“‘“‘“‘drumsticks”””””””

>> No.15132043
File: 1.19 MB, 700x700, file.png [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15132043

>>15130780
>tofurky roast is actually pretty good
It's the worst vegan loaf and every other brand at Sprouts sells out while they can't give away Tofurky.
We had this last night because Field Roast doesn't fuck up

>> No.15132066

>>15129333
that looks like nutraloaf, the food served in prison to misbehaving inmates

>> No.15132660
File: 539 KB, 960x720, blacked turkey.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15132660

>>15129183

>> No.15132758

>>15129333
>bread with sparse vegetables mixed in
O the nutrition

>> No.15132778

>>15132660
Im saving this

>> No.15132828

>>15132778
you don't have permission

>> No.15132860

>>15129333
oh, yes, this is so much better for the environment

>> No.15132862

>>15129385
no you're supposed to add broth to it if you don't cook it in the bird

>> No.15132882

>>15129385
My friend puts chopped up breakfast sausages in his stuffing

>> No.15132890

>>15129333
This webm is only two minutes long but it felt like it took days to watch.

>> No.15132900

>>15131012
fat vegan with cobwebs in pussy detected

>> No.15132912

>>15129333
How can you say this is hard to fuck up when it's already fucked up?

>> No.15132937

>>15132043
>>15129333

Why do both these pics look drier than ops pic?

>> No.15132944

>>15132937
because you need your eyes checked

>> No.15132958

>>15129385
>>>15129333
>isn't all stuffing vegan???
Not at all. Dried bread is moistened with chicken/turkey broth. It's also made with veggies sweated in butter, which is dairy. Many recipes feature seafood or sausage to further enrich it.
If you're Gordon Ramsay , LOL, you'll make stuffing with all meat, roll your pork in a log around a merguez sausage, bake it by itself, and zero bread mind you, and actually call it stuffing. He's an idiot.
https://www.thespruceeats.com/pork-apricot-and-pistachio-dressing-2313958

>> No.15132966

>>15132944
cope field roast shill

>> No.15132969

>>15132966
>stop liking things I've never tried
stop being 12

>> No.15134347

>>15129333
this is just sad

>> No.15135102

>>15131013
expose it too high heat for an extended period of time

>> No.15135110
File: 134 KB, 1917x815, nice dubs.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
15135110

>>15132944
and you need your dubs checked

>> No.15135199

>>15129333
Literal slave peasant food

>> No.15135524

>>15129183
He didn't fry so good

>> No.15135544

>>15130993
It's just you, bro. The entire goal of cooking is to have a wide variety of options, of course a vegan is going to try and emulate stuff that gives them more choice

>> No.15135571

>>15129333
wow that looks delicious

>> No.15135770

>>15129333
Looks like gingerbread dough. Nope