/ck/ - Food & Cooking

[Anonymous No.15425521]

>In 6th grade and in the local youth orchestra
>Mom had made a huge number of hard boiled eggs for Easter and I ate about 10 leftover eggs from the time I got home from school to when my dad took me to practice that night
>Stomach and intestines were pulsing and churning as gas built up and moved around
>Ripped some sickening farts in the car and my dad yelled at me because the smell was so bad
>At practice
>Tried to time my farts to the loudest parts of the music
>Smell was sickening
>Kids were looking around and wondering where the awful smell was coming from
>The girls directly behind me kept giggling
>Got yelled at again on the way home in the car for farting and stinking it up
>Made my own bubble bath that night
>After I got out of the tub my dad yelled at me again because the sound of tubfarts was heard through out the whole house


It's been 10 years and I haven't eaten hard boiled eggs since. Should I give them another try?

[Anonymous No.15425544]

My mom told me one time when i was a kid, she had people over, and i was tubfarting like a maniac upstairs and they heard everything.
As far as the eggs, i say try and beat your previous record.

[Anonymous No.15425549]

Bump

[Anonymous No.15425555]

I never saw the appeal of hard-boiled eggs, scrambled and fried are good tho

[Anonymous No.15425568]

>>15425555
Checked
By themselves is kind of weird, but sliced in a cobb salad is simply epic

[Anonymous No.15425594]

>>15425521
good thread

[Anonymous No.15425597]

>>15425521
>work with face masks
>get to be near a fan that sucks air
it's so nice not having to worry about farts anymore

[Anonymous No.15425619]

imaging being so fucking stupid you let your child eat ten hard boiled eggs and getting mad at them for it

[Anonymous No.15425866]

>>15425544
Jesus christ i haven't laughed that hard in a while

[Anonymous No.15425872]

>>15425866

[Anonymous No.15425946]

>>15425619
you can't control everything a kid does

[Anonymous No.15425974]

>>15425521
Absolutely. Ease into it with some tuna salad or egg salad. Who wants to go through life without deviled eggs?

[Anonymous No.15426115]

Egg farts smell so goddamn bad and they hang around forever. My dad eats hard boiled eggs all the time and spends 90% of his waking day puttering around in the basement and doing model train stuff, reading about trains, and watching train videos. His basement smells like egg farts and it’s revolting. He doesn’t even try to hold them in, he just lets them rip. My mom refuses to go down there, and I try to avoid going down there when I visit.

[Anonymous No.15426142]

>>15426115
Also, don’t ever go on a car trip with him. He stinks up the car real bad with egg farts the first day of the trip. Once he starts his diet of car trip fast food and isn’t eating eggs, the car smells a lot better because he isn’t constantly dropping butt bombs.

[Anonymous No.15426162]

6:15-6:30 softish boiled eggs are God-tier. The jammy yolks are perfect and never make me fart excessively. Once you nail the routine you‘ll never go back. I pay like $0.75 a dozen right now so figure a penny per gram of high-quality and delicious protein. Also, drinking raw eggs will never make you sick or fart and you will feel like you just shot a quarter gram of test after slugging 12-18 of them

[Anonymous No.15426163]

>>15425521
>work in the kitchen in a brewery
>large dining room with patio
>hold large events every so often
>one of our apps was a beet pickled deviled egg
>make large amount of apps for "cocktail hour", might have been for a wedding
>don't go through as many as were ordered
>give the rest to the disher
>must have been at least 20 eggs
>he eats them in one night
>spends next day in shitter

>another event
>app is dill coated cheese curds
>once again, too many
>some are overfryed, coagulate into giant lumps of cheese
>take extras to back prep area
>hungry hungry hobos, aka waitstaff go to town on them
>one waiter is kind of a dumbass, a hockey player
>eats what has to be 3lbs of cheese and breading
>complains of stomach cramps for the rest of the night
>spends the entire next day in the shitter

[Anonymous No.15426166]

>>15426142
On car trips he insists on only eating lunch and dinner at Hardee’s. It’s his favorite place to eat. We always ate his birthday dinner at Hardee’s growing up. Before he retired, he ate lunch at Hardee’s every single damn day during his lunch break.

[Anonymous No.15426178]

>>15426163
this place also made some of the best belgian style frites i've had in my life, and i ate far more than i would care to admit
we served it with a spicy mayo, which was made with house made hot sauce (we even smoked the chilis), and house made mayo
the only things that weren't made in house were the burger buns, and we ordered the burger patties from a local butcher

[Anonymous No.15426190]

>>15426178
Monk’s Cafe?

[Anonymous No.15426228]

>>15426163
>buddy turned 21
>wanted to have a beer and bacon party
>8 guys hanging out in the kitchen pounding Keystone Light and frying up bacon
>went through 10 pounds of bacon
>his dad went to the store to buy us more bacon
>surfaces of the kitchen became increasingly greasy
>one friend burned his hand really badly with hot bacon grease
>we kept drunkenly frying up more and more bacon
>his dad went on another bacon run
>we were just pouring the grease down the sink

We ate so much goddamn bacon, a plumber later ended up having to fix the sink after one of those things you pour down the drain failed, and the dude’s mom was furious that he threw up on the deck. Overall an excellent 10/10 night.

[Anonymous No.15426231]

kek try out beans this time

[Anonymous No.15426246]

>>15426228
Holy Reddit. Cook the bacon in the damn microwave ffs

[Anonymous No.15426259]

>>15426190
no

[Anonymous No.15426367]

>>15426115
what's it like having an autistic dad?

[Anonymous No.15426378]

>>15425521
nah they suck, pretty much the worst way to eat egg

[Anonymous No.15426399]

>>15426228
>the dude’s mom was furious that he threw up on the deck.
KEK

[Anonymous No.15426443]

>>15426367
He wasn't a fun dad to have as a kid at all. He didn't even pretend to be interested in anything we were interested in, didn't really play with us, and every time we went on vacation the whole vacation revolved around museums with train stuff, railroad sites, going to hobby stores to look at train stuff, and other train stuff none of us cared about. He'd go to our school events, but only because my mom made him. When other parents got together and my mom made him go he'd just sit there and not say anything. I honestly don't know why my parents got married and why they're still married, it's a bizarre marriage. As far as I know he's never had any friends or work buddies.

He's impossible to have a normal conversation with. He just mumbles, nods, or doesn't really answer. Trains are the only thing I know of that he can sort of have a conversation about about, although he can probably sort of talk about electrical engineering too.

His entire basement is filled with train stuff except for the part that has a couch, TV, Blu-ray player and VCR and a small table with a computer on it. He's got thousands of train books, model train books, train DVDs and VHS tapes, a huge amount of model train stuff, model train catalogs, train calendars, and boxes and boxes and boxes of pictures he's taken of train stuff at museums. He loves watching videos that show a train driving along the track from the engineer's perspective, but has zero interest in driving a train himself or playing train simulation games. Now that digital photography has mostly replaced film photography, he uses a digital camera but takes the pictures in to be printed off. He hangs on to every goddamn train book he buys, which means he's got things like old model train price guides that are out of date and worthless on the shelves too.

[Anonymous No.15426478]

>>15425946
these people will never have children

just waifus and dogs

[Anonymous No.15426484]

>>15426166
your dad sounds like my stepdad with the Hardees obsession.

[Anonymous No.15426489]

>>15426115
Sounds like a good tactic to be left alone by your cunt wife and dipshit kid.

[Anonymous No.15426499]

>>15426478
I do have children. If you make some stuff of which you know too much is bad, you tell your kid to wtch it or suffer, or better yet don't make lik 20 eggs as a singel serving to begin with. If you can't teach your kids to not be retarded, you shouldn't look down at dog people either. At least they can train their pets unlike people making up excuses about how "kids will be kids" when they fail in their parental obligations.

[Anonymous No.15426740]

>>15426499
>At least they can train their pets

Yeah but they don't. I don't think I've ever met a competent dog owner and they use the same damn excuses over and over

>dog barking for 18 hours
>"dogs bark that's what they do!"
>loose 200 lb mutt knocks me down
>"awww he's just being friendly"
>dog shitting in my yard
>"all animals shit. Do you get mad when a squirrel craps in your yard too?"

Fuck dog owners. I purposely use coco mulch in my yard just to fuck with them

[Anonymous No.15426755]

>>15426740
I owned a german shepard and never had such problems. But than again, we lived in the country and dogs were seen as a "helping hand" on the poperty not emotional tampons and child-rearing ersatz. He was also called cadet and was raised by gramps which was in the navy, so no "he' just a doggy" bullshit. Basically it boil down to moderns being too retarded nd too little self-disciplid to explect the same from their pets and children. At least I can fuck up pet owners without going to jail and wont be working with retarded peoples crotch dropplings.

[Anonymous No.15426774]

>>15425521
>I ate about 10 leftover eggs from the time I got home from school to when my dad took me to practice that night

>You must eat all the eggs

[Anonymous No.15426803]

>>15425544
Is it bad I laughed at this? Anyway take my upvote!

[Anonymous No.15426906]

>>15426443
How the fuck did he manage to get laid, let alone married and have a kid.

[Anonymous No.15426923]

>>15426740
i live in a small butt fuck town and recently someone started leaving "poison meatballs" along the dog trail

it was all over boomerbook

[Anonymous No.15426927]

>>15425521
They are a good way to take eggs on the go.

[Anonymous No.15426950]

>>15426923
Never got why people do that. Stricks me as uch a cowardly behaviour. If you have a problem with a dog and their owner is retarded just off that specific dog instead of random animals.

[Anonymous No.15427107]

>>15426923

> angery.jpg

[Anonymous No.15427144]

>>15426950
this. I throw the poison meatballs into the owners yard whose dog I want to poison, not randomly though the neighbourhood like some psycho

[Anonymous No.15427154]

>>15426443
Your mom is 100% cheating on him. But I suppose he doesn't care as long as he has his eggs 'n trains.

[Anonymous No.15427212]

>>15427144
Exactly. Just get some quickl acting poison, no rason to make a stuipd animal suffer for his owners mistakes in training it. Those throwing them into the wid are probably just getting off knowing that they can impose suffering on random people. Killing random non offending dogs is also a pretty clear sign of being a honorary nigger. If anything just go to an animal shelder and put bulldogs on the express line to paradise.

[Anonymous No.15427217]

>>15426923
im on the case

[Anonymous No.15427219]

>>15426923

i ate a poison meetball and now i post here all day

[Anonymous No.15427224]

>>15425521
>tubfarts
>>15425544
>tubfarting
wtf? Is this an american thing or something. I mean I have farted in the tub too, but not to the extend the rest of the house can hear it. Do you just have a shitty digestive system or are your houses paper thin?

[Anonymous No.15427235]

>>15427224

i fart in my tub and get an instant aroma of cooked brussel sprouts. its delectable

[Anonymous No.15427244]

>>15427224
The later, why do you think they can punch holes in the wall?

[Anonymous No.15427278]

>>15427244
>why do you think they can punch holes in the wall?
huh, they can? Are the walls literally made out of cardboard or something?

[Anonymous No.15427336]

>>15427244
>Are the walls literally made out of cardboard or something?
Whos going to tell him, guys?

[Anonymous No.15427373]

>>15425521
I like to put a couple of slices in em one and add hot sauce...might hard boil some later today and make some pastas.. and spiced up ride with the left over water..

[Anonymous No.15427551]

>>15426906
Big. Ass. Dick.

[Anonymous No.15427559]

>>15426443
Do you think your mom makes choo-choo noises during sex

[Anonymous No.15427717]

>>15427224
Anyone could hear tubfarts in any house, they’re loud!

[Anonymous No.15427732]

did you know yuros dont take showers?
they fill up a bathtub in the morning and the entire family bathes in the same foul water in quick succession.
this is why they all wear heavy cologne and perfumes.

[Anonymous No.15427749]

>>15427732
Well after what alledgedly happened it makes sense that they'd be afraid of showers.

[Anonymous No.15428245]

>>15427219
ouch

[Anonymous No.15428274]

>>15427559
You know she does. You know he wears an engineer's hat and refers to her ass as a "nice caboose" too.

[Anonymous No.15428429]

>>15427144
Based dog killer. I hope you swing by my neighbours today.

[Anonymous No.15428633]

its well know that only niggers, spooks and retards hate canines. just imagine if we exterminated those faggots like chinks do dogs...

[Anonymous No.15428653]

>>15425521
>tubfarts

[Anonymous No.15429243]

>>15427559
I don’t think he wants to fuck a train

[Anonymous No.15429327]

>>15427244
Based American cardboard and plywood houses that cost 500.000 dollars

[Anonymous No.15429418]

>>15429327
I can buy a home made of brick for $8,000 in the US.

[Anonymous No.15429975]

neener neener peter eater

also die cuck

[Anonymous No.15430436]

>>15429975
actually, anybody who likes canines is not empathetic towards other humans and that mentality literally makes you a n***r.
Let that sink in

[Anonymous No.15430463]

>>15430436
Doesn't make any sense. Humans mad them their peferct companion for a reason. You sure, you're not melanized?

[Anonymous No.15430480]

>>15430463
>why do people so much when somebody kills a dog?
>why do people don't give a shit about when other humans die?
You've been brainwashed to love dogs more than humans. Some day you will understand.

[Anonymous No.15430610]

>>15426228
Should have been frying bacon grilled cheeses on the side in all that sweet delicious bacon fat

[Anonymous No.15430619]

>>15426115
Does he have any imitation crab?

[Anonymous No.15430630]

Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy weyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
fucking pedorros

[Anonymous No.15430734]

>>15426443
Your dad still sounds better than mine because he actually has a hobby. Mine just sits around stinking up the living room all day. I swear to god, he deliberately gulps down foods that gives him the most rotten farts, everything from eggs to brussel sprouts.

[Anonymous No.15431143]

>>15430734
Does he at least watch TV or something, or does he just sit there farting?

[Anonymous No.15431341]

>>15425521
quality story, thank you. :) lol'd quite well

[Anonymous No.15431355]

>>15426115
Your dad is based in his family-proof den of peace.

[Anonymous No.15431385]

>>15425974
This guy gets it

[Anonymous No.15431672]

>>15425555
checked

[Anonymous No.15432004]

>>15431143
Hardest I've laughed so far this year, thanks anon

[Anonymous No.15432043]

>>15426443
How did your parents meet? I'm less autistic than your dad but I still can't find anyone.

[Anonymous No.15432061]

>>15432043
College. I have no damn idea why my mom got married to him. She could have done a lot better.

[Anonymous No.15432113]

>>15429418
you couldn't pay me to live in that $8000 brick house
don't think im so gullible, i bet it's in Flint or something

[Anonymous No.15432275]

>>15426443
lmao i have a dad similar to this, down to the farting and everything. only difference is he does record collecting

[Anonymous No.15433110]

>>15425946
My parents could, granted I suffered as a child

[Anonymous No.15433245]

>>15426228
how did you retards think it was ok to dump that much bacon grease down the sink

[Anonymous No.15433270]

>>15425555
Quads of truth

[Anonymous No.15433299]

so am I to understand that hard boiled eggs are different from other methods of cooking because they can give you gas

[Anonymous No.15433319]

>>15430480
I don't lov dog mor than humans, I see them as usefull companions for the seccurity and wellbeing of my family. But that dosn't mean I se a reason to make them suffer. I also don't torture other random animals or kill without a reason. Hating dogs is really just a sign that you'r not an indo-european. Maybe even a muslim, they are known to prefer cats due to toxoplasmosis being so rampant over there.

[Anonymous No.15433328]

>>15433299
Heating is basically pre-digestion which changes the mak up of the egg. While eggwhite usually ar easily digestible whn heated, egg yolks are better raw or only slightly warmed.

[Anonymous No.15433394]

>>15425555
I like to eat them whole with some lawry's seasoning, makes me feel like a serpent consuming an entire egg

[Anonymous No.15433399]

>>15426443
It was truly easier to find a mate in the past.

[Anonymous No.15433426]

>>15425521
holy shit I laughed harder than I have in a long time. Thank you anon

[Anonymous No.15433447]

This is the funniest thread I’ve seen years.

[Anonymous No.15433526]

>>15425597
You do a lot of soldering?