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/ck/ - Food & Cooking

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17788869 No.17788869 [Reply] [Original]

Hello this is Chef John from FoodWishes.com and today I am going to rape you! That's right, I've received many food wishes to find out where you live and rape you, which I've decided to try out since just prior to coming over here I decided to kill my wife. We're going to use many of the elements and implements I used to accomplish that, which means by the time we're done here we're going to end up with you losing your will to live. So into get started we're going to pry open this window and sneak into your bedroom... to which we're going to add some butcher's twine, a few sharp knives and some worchestershire sauce. After this we're going to spread your awaiting anal cavity, which we're going to bring to a simmer and ensure is gaping & fully-prepared so that it doesn't clamp down on us... and to that we're going to drizzle a generous heaping of anal lube, followed by a pinch of salt and some fresshhly ground black pepper. Then we're going to carefully apply my waiting cock... which ideally you want to let reach room temperature before applying to your asshole, but in this case I was feeling particularly sadistic so I just stuffed it in there. And while that's thrusting away we're going to cook one cup of rice, which we've cleaned and seasoned generously with (((kosher))) salt, after which we'll stuff into your mouth and cover with tape to ensure you can't scream out in agony. You never really want your rape victim to get too rambunctious because while you're having fun everyone is bound to make way too much noise, which we want to avoid... then after about 30 minutes we're going to preheat our oven to 500 degrees, and turn on all the burners, which will allow us to get rid of all the evidence once we're through. The heat can vary however. You are, after all, no longer the Cassidy Cole of your gaping colorectal hole. And just like that, our faggot 4chan poster has been raped! I really recommend you try this alongside a shootout with the police and a few biscuits.

>> No.17788877

>ctrl+F cayenne
>no results
not gonna bother reading

>> No.17788886

even stretching this isn't reading right. doesnt flow at all.

>> No.17788896

Sorry anon but this thread isnt sponsored by McDonalds so it isnt /ck/ approved

>> No.17789490

>>17788886
I think it could have been done a bit better but it's a 6/10 and it does flow enough that I can read it in Chef John's voice

>> No.17790505

What the hell

>> No.17790556

why is he being shilled here for YEARS

i dont like his voice