Cooking Failures

[Anonymous No.4225648]

Because I live in a dorm, I have to use the communal kitchen when I want to cook something. The down side of using a communal kitchen is the fact that it's a communal kitchen. The plus side is that I get to watch the average college student attempt to cook. What stories of incompetency in the kitchen do you guys have?

[Anonymous No.4225657]

>>4225648
>two students, looked like upper classmen, working together
>box of instant pancake mix
>both of them poring over the instructions with furrowed brows as if it was written in fucking chinese
>one of them decides to melt some butter
>fills the entire kitchen with smoke
>mfw

[Anonymous No.4225666]

>going to college
>not being a neet
>not having an agreement with your mum that the kitchen is yours from 6-8pm every day

[Anonymous No.4225674]

>>4225648
>again two students working together (different people this time though)
>package of italian sausage and pasta
>what could possibly go wrong?
>they cut up the sausage and throw it in a pan without pre heating
>they take turns standing in front of the pan poking the sausage with a ladle, not accomplishing anything
>they still manage to burn it

[Anonymous No.4225678]

>>4225666
I'm pathetic, I know.

[Anonymous No.4225688]

I went to college in Ameriland. I stayed in the international dorms for the first two years. Everyone could cook well enough except for one Chinese guy and this other guy from Sri Lanka. The Surinamese guy and I (I'm from Italy) traded dishes back and forth and we each developed a love for the other's culture and cuisine. One of the Korean girls in the next hall down (the halls were separated male in one wing, female in the other with a stairwell in the centre, wings alternating male/female according to floor) gave me a blowjob, once, after I made her and some other people some pasta with stewed pumpkin.
The kitchen was usually an abysmal mess, though.

[Anonymous No.4225698]

>>4225688
Our kitchen is a mess as well, I usually do as much food prep as possible in my room so I can just heat up a pan, throw the food in and be done as fast as possible. In theory, the students are supposed to clean it up, but of course it just requires regular intervention from the cleaning staff.

[Anonymous No.4225705]

The communal kitchen in my place is such a fucking mess

I managed to get everyone to clean their shit once before Christmas but never again. Lazy fuckers.

Normally I just make a simple tomato sauce, boil some pasta, then escape to my room with my food. I even take my pans with me to stop people using them.

I'm going to experiment with actually getting them to pay me to cook for them. Doing a big roast for like 5 people is so fucking easy, and I could get them to pay $10 each easily. Morons.

[Anonymous No.4225716]

>>4225705
I wish I could do that here, but the retards in my dorm all think that they're either master chefs or they just don't give a fuck and eat nothing but on campus fast food and sushi.

[Anonymous No.4225717]

>>4225698
Maybe it's because I come from an exceedingly cleanly family background. Other students didn't think it was so bad. I was more annoyed by the electric hobs than the mess, to be honest.
What I really didn't understand is why the kitchen had cabinets when no one would store anything in there. It's a public space. I would no more store my things in the communal kitchen than I would store my furniture in the student lounge. They should have removed the cabinetry and added a few more cook tops (at least one other full range/stove) so fewer arguments over who's cooking what/when would arrise.

[Anonymous No.4225723]

>>4225717
I would love to have more cook tops, but people actually use the storage spaces here (small dorm so people are more trusting of each other not to steal food), so it probably won't happen.

[Anonymous No.4225742]

My roommate only eats:
>noodles
>rice
>potatoes
>salad (took him 5 years to like it, but only without dressing)
>tomatoes
>zucchini
>champignons
>pig
>chicken
>cheese
>bread
>all kind of sweets

I kid you not. Thats EVERYTHING! He also is in his 30s, can only cook boxed food and/or Maggi-Fix.
Everything he does is a cooking failure. He once complained about my Pasta Spinaci because he thinks it looks like vomit.

[Anonymous No.4225750]

>>4225742
A large portion of the best food I've ever had looked like vomit. You need to dig past the surface.

[Anonymous No.4225754]

>>4225750
He needs.

[Anonymous No.4225757]

>>4225723
Each dorm had a small fridge, larger than a dorm-sized fridge, but smaller than a standard American-sized one. They were the size of refrigerators back home (American fridges are ENORMOUS in comparison). There was no fridge in the kitchen proper.
The kitchen had a large dining table, large enough to seat eight people, and a lounge area. There were also about 6 square metres of counter space (about 60-64 square feet), not including the cook top, and cabinetry above and below the counter space. All of it went completely unused. It was a pity. The school really should have removed at least half of it and put in more cooking space.

[Anonymous No.4225758]

>>4225754
That's what I meant

[Anonymous No.4225781]

Well, not cooking as such, but it did happen when I was studying:
There was this time when we were making a batch of cider, only I bottled it too early.
So the bottles started exploding, of course. Was damn scary trying to 'defuse' the unexploded ones before they popped.
There was a lot of glass shrapnel embedded in the walls of the cupboard where we kept the bottles afterwards.

[Anonymous No.4225824]

>>4225781
Oh god, I imagine that must've been terrifying. How did you go about defusing them?

[Anonymous No.4225842]

>>4225781
What a terrible lie. Anyone who has home brewed would know you'd not get glass shrapnel embedded in wood from a bottle fermentation. The point of failure is the cap.

[Anonymous No.4225851]

>>4225824
Just opened them.
>>4225842
That's bollocks, I don't think we had even one where the cap had failed.
One bottle was interesting though, the bottom of the bottle had burst away almost perfectly at the 'seam' in the glass.

[Anonymous No.4225853]

>>4225648
SOME FUCKER NEVER THREW OUT EGG SHELLS, BUT DUMPED THEM IN THE SINK INSTEAD.

I FINALLY CAUGHT HIM AND HE LITERALLY HAD ASBERGERS AND COULDN'T FATHOM THAT SHELLS GO IN THE TRASH.

[Anonymous No.4225866]

>>4225853
Why the fuck would anyone even come to the conclusion that egg shells go in the sink?

[Anonymous No.4225876]

>>4225866
Amerifats and their garbage disposal units in their kitchen sinks.

[Anonymous No.4225877]

>>4225866
Grew up with an in-sink disposal unit? idklol
Maybe he's just a 'tard; consider that?

[Anonymous No.4225878]

>>4225876
>>4225877
Hivemind.

[Anonymous No.4225883]

>>4225866
Because when you take food apart, the remainders go in the sink. This is an autist we're talking about, they think in hard rules like that.

[Anonymous No.4225882]

>mother can't cook
>puts packet of powdered gravy in saucepan
>adds random amount of water
>doesn't stir. ever.
>watches tv for 20 minutes, ignoring pops and fizzles coming from kitchen
>wonders why it doesn't look like the picture on the packet

[Anonymous No.4225884]

I live in a dorm with a communal kitchen. Every other person that uses the kitchen is black. They vary in cooking ability. One literally eats nothing but microwave hamburgers (That is ALL he stocks in the fridge) but some aren't bad. It's messy after a party but usually reasonably clean.
It always stinks because people cook a lot of spicy food, but I'm guilty of that as well.

[Anonymous No.4225892]

>>4225842
added pressure can make the bottle explode. hence the punt on champagne bottles

>>4225884
>microwave hamburgers
wut

[Anonymous No.4225943]

>someone leaves plastic oven mit in oven after done cooking.
> next person doesn't check
>preheats oven
>mit catches fire
>whole building evacuated.
>niggers everywhere

[Anonymous No.4225946]

>>4225943
We also had our dorm evacuated because someone managed to fuck up popcorn.

[Anonymous No.4225967]

>Be in college
>Go to sleep at 9 pm
>Early as fuck, but I've got insomnia so I'll take it
>Be 9:30 pm
>Someone puts popcorn in microwave
>Building evacuated
>Stand in snow for an hour
>Insomnia all nighter.

[Anonymous No.4225968]

>>4225967

I mean, I'm pretty shit at cooking, but how fucking hard is it to pop popcorn?

[Anonymous No.4225981]

>>4225968
People in college are significantly dumber than the general population, and that's saying something.

[Anonymous No.4225987]

friend always ate spaghetti or goulash while in college. he'd make it by adding ketchup and chopped up "beef" patties, those pre-cooked fake grill mark frozen things, to noodles.

it would be spaghetti or goulash depending on how he felt. although i think spaghetti did have more ketchup in it.

[Anonymous No.4225988]

>>4225968
If you forget them in the microwave they produce this really thick white smoke, had a mate who did that once.
But you have to wonder why they don't just set the timer properly..

[Anonymous No.4225996]

God you sound like a bunch of douche faggots lOl

[Anonymous No.4226003]

There is a 18 floor building they heard all the freshman into at my college ('murrica). People are always getting stoned and burning popcorn, causing the fire alarms to go off. One night (when I was a Sophomore who got stuck living on the 13th floor) the damn alarms got set off twice in the same night. The fire department was pissed when they had to show up 15 minutes after leaving.

[Anonymous No.4226005]

Guy I know never knew you had to drain the pasta and survived on watery Dolmio stuff for weeks.
My flatmate used to live almost exclusively on pot noodles, microwaveable Rustler's burgers, hardboiled eggs and takeaway. When we moved to a place with no microwave he expanded his repertoire to include cheese toasties. The kitchen was always very clean though, apart from a single eggy pan.

[Anonymous No.4226010]

>senior year of high school
>in the class that sells shit, retail management or something
>we sold pizza, cheesy sticks, etc
>we had leftovers
>our classroom is split by the classroom and the selling area, there is a hallway for us to go through
>we're all talking with each other in classroom
>suddenly SMOKE FUCKING EVERYWHERE
>we're all choking
>someone calls the fire department
>they come
>turns out some dick instead of putting 30 seconds in the microwave in the selling area put it in for 30 minutes

[Anonymous No.4226012]

>>4226003
*herd all the freshman.


I wonder what the collective noun is. Probably a class, but I can think of more colorful ones.

[Anonymous No.4226017]

>>4226005
>not draining pasta
how...?

[Anonymous No.4226026]

>>4226017
He thought it boiled off when you heated up the sauce.

[Anonymous No.4226047]

>Be 22
>Finally have enough saved for college
>Quit shitty retail job
>Move into a quad (shared kitching/living room/bathrooms) with 4 guys
>Redneck in culinary program
>EPIC bbq/broiler meats all year
>He graduates
>sadface.jpg
>New roommate
>Chinese rich kid
>First time in kitchen
>Hot stainless steel sauce pan
>Not a frying pan, a fucking SAUCE PAN
>Grabs olive oil
>Warn him that's gonna catch on fire
>He says it's fine
>white smoke
>black smoke
>fire
>He freaks and tries to put the HOT pan on the cheap linoleum floor
>I turn off the stove, grab the lid, smother the fire
>insert 2-hour lesson on flash points of oils, and oil fires
>Following week he catches the kitchen wall/ceiling on fire
>About $2000 to fix it
>He never cooks again

[Anonymous No.4226057]

>>4226012
Freshmen?

[Anonymous No.4226058]

>>4226047
I suddenly appreciate the people in my dorm a lot more. They may not know what they're doing, but they have never put my life in danger.

[Anonymous No.4226066]

>>4225688
I do the same with my pans. The other day I wanted to make a pizza, but the kitchen was such a disgusting mess that I made it in my room using my ironing board as a counter.

[Anonymous No.4226077]

>>4225876
It took me about a year to train my roommates to use the garbage disposal instead of leaving bags of shit around, or throwing food waste in the recycle bin. The only things here you can't recycle or throw down the disposal are batteries or light bulbs.

We don't have a garbage can. I'm no hippie, I just hate the smell when we live in a tiny apartment.

[Anonymous No.4226142]

>>4226077
what kind of disposal do you put things like non-recyclable bags in?

[Anonymous No.4226179]

>>4226142
>can't into reading comprehension

[Anonymous No.4226192]

why is it that college fags are mostly liberal communists, yet they get to see the reality of what it means to have "community"...aka you leave your food in the "community" fridge and some nigger eats it, or when the "community" owns the kitchen space it is disgusting and no one ever cleans.

[Anonymous No.4226208]

>>4226192
see
>>4225981

[Anonymous No.4226227]

I've watched my former roommate make scrambled eggs before. Half a dozen eggs into a pan at high heat. Usually more egg burnt onto the pan than what he ends up eating.

Same roommate asked if he could use my cast iron pan to make a steak on, I agreed. I explained to him that cast iron takes a bit of time to heat up, he said he understood. I came out fifteen minutes later when I smelled smoke. He'd put some oil in the pan, put the heat on, and sat down to play some video games. Cool guy, but I'm glad I don't live with him anymore.

[Anonymous No.4226229]

>>4225866
>>4225876
>mfw third world monkeys don't have garbage disposals
how do you live?

[Anonymous No.4226234]

>>4226229
But doesn't it get smelly, I guess there is some sort of garbage container connected to it, is it emptied every day?

[Anonymous No.4226280]

>>4226229
If there was a garbage disposal in that sink, the tard should've used it. If not, he shouldn't have put shells in the sink.

[Anonymous No.4226291]

>>4226234
It doesn't just sit in your sink. The food gets chopped up into small enough pieces to go through the plumbing. Egg shells actually help sharpen the blades.

[Anonymous No.4226293]

>>4225876
>insinkerator

might be my favorite brand name, it's just great

[Anonymous No.4226321]

When I lived in the dorm for a semester nobody used the kitchen except for me. Like literally NOBODY. Everyone ate pre-made stuff. One time a group of girls saw me walking to the kitchen with two eggs, an onion and a bell pepper and were like holy fucking shit are you a really awesome cook or something?
>mfw I was just making scrambled eggs

[Anonymous No.4226327]

>>4226291
So it just goes down the drains? That can't be good in the long run.

[Anonymous No.4226333]

>be freshman in college
>never cooked in my entire life
>be at a friend's house at about 3am
>piss drunk
>hungry, no snacks left
>fill a pan with water, probably more than necessary
>throw a couple of sausages in when the water looks like its kinda boiling
>wait a few minutes, figure it should be done by now
>have no idea how I'm supposed to take the sausages out of the pan
>I really have no fucking idea what I'm supposed to do
>Didn't turn off the heat, water still boiling
>Alcohol hinders my judgement, stick hand into boiling water

The sausage was delicious though.

[Anonymous No.4226349]

>"well im going to just make some tea here before going to bed"


>"hmm wasnt i going to make tea not too long agoOH SHIT IT SMELLS LIKE METAL AND SMOKE ALL OVER HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN?!"

burning water, always a surprise.

[Anonymous No.4226357]

>>4226349
...so someone here has ACTUALLY managed burn water. I'm impressed

[Anonymous No.4226364]

>>4226327
I don't see why it would be bad, unless they were chucking oil straight down the sink. The probably have thicker pipes than the rest of the world.

[Anonymous No.4226367]

>>4226357
ive done it a few times. i am not proud.

[Anonymous No.4226370]

>>4226357
I had a room mate that did that before. She destroyed the pan in the process.

Apparently she was going to boil something, filled a pot with water, put it on high on the stove and walked away. I have no idea how long it was on the stove, but I ended up hearing this loud bang from the kitchen, went to investigate, found the destroyed pan smoking on the stove. It was one of those stainless steel pans with a copper bottom, the copper bottom had separated from the stainless part, which is apparently what made the loud bang noise.

I never let her live it down, even now, 12 years later, I'll randomly send her a message asking if she burned any water lately. Really gets her wound up.

[Anonymous No.4226373]

>>4226327
It's organic matter...It's not like the water being drained to the sewers is immediately pumped back into the pipes without being processed first. The organic matter stays and rots in the sewer with the shit from your toilet.

[Anonymous No.4226382]

>>4226327
I should still add that Americans are strongly discouraged from disposing oils down the drain, which CAN mess up water/sewer lines and is bad for the environment. Even in my redneck state of Alabama, we have oil disposal stations at every gas station, where you can put your containers of used cooking oil. [Our city/county vehicles and public transportation run off bio fuel]

Or at my grandmother's in the middle of nowhere, leftover oil is simply frozen in a plastic bottle then thrown away when the garbage is taken outside.

[Anonymous No.4226386]

>>4226357
you really only burn the minerals after the water has evaporated off. still, stinks and is something worth kicking yourself in the pants over.

[Anonymous No.4226392]

>>4226291
>>4226291
>thinks there are blades in an insinkerator

[Anonymous No.4226397]

>>4226373
>The organic matter stays and rots in the sewer with the shit from your toilet.
Generally it's piped into a sewage treatment plant, processed, and eventually piped out to sea or moved off site.

[Anonymous No.4226410]

>>4226397
Or that...I just know for sure it isn't rerouted into the pipes. Everything I've every put down the sink would be appropriate for a compost heap.

[Anonymous No.4226444]

>Be in college, just a few months ago
>Live in a 4 person suite. One guy is disabled so we have the first room on the first floor.
>All the air ducts in the 7 story building wind up near our room as we are next to the central fan
>Lots of weird random smells blow through, usually tobacco/weed smoke
>Sitting there on computer, suitemate exclaims that he smells marshmallows
>Sniff
>Oh yeah, marshmallows. Huh.
>10 minutes later, smell burning
>huh
>Next morning, leaving building to go to class
>Microwave is next to the front door. Smell of burnt sugar is so strong my eyes water
>Inside of white microwave is completely black
>Note on microwave says not to throw out, owners fucked up making smores and need to air it out before cleaning
>mfw smores are only one step more difficult than sandwiches

[Anonymous No.4226510]

Looks like a pretty good thread, haven't read it yet but I reckon I've got you all beat...

About a month ago my ex-housemate (who hasn't lived here for 2 years) turned up while me and my current housemate were in bed. Not together, seperate beds, seperate rooms in fact. I'm not gay.

Ex-housemate knocked on the door, and since there was no answer (and he's crazy) he tried the front door. My current housemate had left it unlocked. So ex-housemate let himself in, put two slices of bread under the grill (gas - full power), then took my acoustic guitar and went busking in the town centre for 4 hours.

I came downstairs to find the entire ground floor filled with thick black smoke. Ex-housemate was surprised to find my front door wide open when he returned, even more surprised when I told him to phone ahead next time he wants to visit.

[Anonymous No.4226524]

>>4226510
The fuck? Was on drugs or something?

[Anonymous No.4226634]

>>4225946
Did you go to SXU? that fucking happened to us cuz all the Niggers in Pacelli/Regina hall always burned the damn popcorn at like 2am. Never failed.

[Anonymous No.4226642]

>>4226634
Nope, that brand of stupidity is just really common I guess.

[Anonymous No.4226652]

Honestly I kind of think college students should have to pass a test before they're allowed to cook on campus.

[Anonymous No.4226656]

>>4225678
You're also satan apparently.

[Anonymous No.4226658]

>>4226656
Guess I can't argue with trips.

[Anonymous No.4226662]

>>4226524
I don't think so. That's usually the problem. He's supposed to be on drugs.

I think he'd forgotten to take his meds that day. Lived with him for a year, it was the only year he hadn't been committed to a mental hospital in 5 years, because I was keeping an eye on him.

I would walk into the kitchen and find a perfectly good fried egg sitting in the sink. Or a single shoe on the kitchen counter. Strange days.

[Anonymous No.4226667]

>>4226662
Wow. I don't think I would be willing to live with someone like that.

[Anonymous No.4226670]

>>4225717
Your not the only one Anon. I'm at university in England (Britfag) and everyone seems to keep to them selves when it comes to food and utensils. So it's safe for me to store them all in the kitchen.

Problem is that the kitchen is also the communal 'area' meaning that it's were pre-drinks and post-drinks (yeah it's a thing) happen. That coupled with the mess my flatmates leave in general is a joke. Not including that my room is right next to the kitchen.

For the record there are five of us, and only I do my dishes after I cook, rather that before.

Don't get me started on them keeping bottle and cans like some fucking trophy and the bins... I'm the only one who ever takes out the damn things.

Bring on September and moving in with people who are tidy and respect one an other.

[Anonymous No.4226689]

Continued from....
>>4226670

My flat mates are all pretty good cooks, despite the mess they leave.

Although I am in dorms and that means that all of the fire alarms are linked.

Someone left a fucking oven glove on the hob. Was out side for like half an hour before fire service shows up. Oh and there was this one time someone burnt rice, yeah.

It amazes me that they manage to set off the fire alarms at all because the ones in our kitchens are only heat sensors. :/

[Anonymous No.4226693]

>>4226662

I demand more storys about that man!

[Anonymous No.4226698]

I want to hear from somebody who is in a culinary school dorm. I was opposed to living in a dorm when I end up in culinary school, but now I'm kind of interested.

[Anonymous No.4226707]

>>4226693
He was once pounced on by the local Armed Response Unit (UK SWAT Team) in the town centre for walking down the high street swinging a realistic toy pistol as he walked. Another version of that story has him walking into a bar and pointing the "gun" suggestively.

When the local newspaper interviewed him to report the story, they asked him what he did for a living. He said he travelled and played music. The caption beneath his picture in the paper said: "Anon (his name), Travelling Minstrel"

[Anonymous No.4226708]

>>4226707
That's worth it just to be dubbed a minstrel.

[Anonymous No.4226713]

>>4226707
A more /ck/ related episode:

I went to his flat (before we lived together) and he offered me a plate of "chicken with veg and cous cous."

"What's this thin red sauce, anon?" I asked
"What red sauce?" He replied.

It was chicken blood.

[Anonymous No.4226714]

>>4226424

[Anonymous No.4226711]

>>4226707

Keep'em coming!

[Anonymous No.4226715]

>>4226713
Was it raw chicken or something?

[Anonymous No.4226717]

>>4226707

And i just have to ask. How fucking afraid were you of this guy?

[Anonymous No.4226721]

>>4226714

"That ain't no pesa that be a salatabowl with tomtatos unt blacky tackly saus"

/ck/ going complete retard?

[Anonymous No.4226723]

>>4226721
>implying we were ever *not* full retard

[Anonymous No.4226738]

>>4226713
Oh shit, I just remembered the most amazing /ck/ related thing this guy did. This is hearsay, but knowing him, I totally believe it:

He was at a mutual friend's house and asked if he could make something to eat. Our mutual friend is a total bro and basically said: "Whatever you find in the kitchen you can use anon, mi casa es tu casa."

Here are some of the ingredients I remember being told this maniac put into the mix:

>cornflakes
>milk
>raw sausages
>mayonnaise
>ketchup
>baked beans
>sugar
>salt

It was a while ago, but I seem to remember being told he cracked a couple of eggs in there as well, and put the lot into the microwave.

[Anonymous No.4226745]

>>4226738
How well did it turn out?

[Anonymous No.4226777]

>>4225946
Happened in my apartment, their microwave caught on fire and we had to stay outside for hours

[Anonymous No.4226783]

>>4226717
When we were living together I woke up more than once to find him in my room, standing at the foot of my bed, staring at me. I'd shout at him to gtfo, and he would, and we never spoke of it.

We had a couple of play fights and, despite him being pretty tough: His dad was an Army sergeant, then a prison officer, and his Mum was ex-police (he knew a few moves) plus he'd lived homeless for a couple of years and was much heavier than me... The guy was a pussycat at heart. He was really unfit too.

Raise your voice and look him in the eye and he'd back down. I wasn't scared of him, but then, I'm pretty hardcore. Not scared of anyone. When we'd pretend fight, I'd take him to the floor and BJJ him into submission.

That's Brazilian Ju Jitsu, not Blow Job Jitsu.

[Anonymous No.4226795]

My communal kitchen (UK) in freshman year was disgusting.

One guy literally only liked: fish fingers, waffles, steak, yorkshire puddings, chips. No fruit. The only vegetable he would eat was peas.

Had two asians two - one incinerated everything in a wok filled with oil which got spat over everything by the heat.

The other asian tried to microwave metal.

Another I saw 3 times in the whole year. I heard him leave his room at 2/3am every night to cook a microwave meal.

Also, EGGSHELLS IN THE SINK

[Anonymous No.4226829]

>>4226745
I never saw it, much less tried it, but apparently he tasted it and then 99% of it went in the bin.

Sounds funny but food isn't free. Our mutual friend was not happy at seeing his food wasted like that. Those two have had some wicked fights.

Mutual friend's brother died (young as hell - heroin), and mental ex-housemate said something not too sensitive on the subject.

Mutual friend is 6'5" and about 30 stone, and lived/worked in hostels down south. After the shitty comment I saw the big guy pin the madman to my bed and pummel him for 30 seconds (heavy punches to the body). He's the sweetest guy in the world though and was full of remorse afterward.

[Anonymous No.4226841]

>>4226829
I would not have spent any time around this person.

[Anonymous No.4226916]

>>4226841
The guy who moved in here after him wouldn't tolerate him either. Just like I banned crazy-anon from having hookers or opium-based drugs in the house, his replacement banned crazy-anon from coming around. I didn't see crazy-anon for 2 years.

Then after replacement-anon moved out, crazy-anon started coming round again (uninvited). Apparently trying to burn the place down with toast related mishaps. He's really not a bad guy, just a bit damaged in the head.

[Anonymous No.4226956]

>>4226841
I wouldn't spend time around either person. What grown adult physically batters someone when they get randomly trolled by a crazy?

[Anonymous No.4227060]

>>4226956
Good point.

[Anonymous No.4227174]

>>4226349

I've had this happen to me when cooking ramen noodles, I rightfully felt like such a retard when it happened.

I pretty much use my phone as a timer if I ever leave the kitchen to do something nowadays.

Anyway, my high school had public microwaves for use donated by the graduating seniors and though I never had to use them, some student managed to destroy it by microwaving aluminum wrapped hot pockets.

[Sceak !!LciZj2frsW6 No.4227196]

>>4225648

/ck/ is like the Neverending Story, except it's a cookbook.

[Anonymous No.4227462]

My grilled cheese sandwiches always fall apart when I try to flip them.

[Anonymous No.4228082]

>>4226783
>That's Brazilian Ju Jitsu, not Blow Job Jitsu.

[Anonymous No.4228093]

>>4226956
>randomly trolled by a crazy
I don't think you even know what the fuck you're talking about.

[Anonymous No.4228113]

>>4226795
I microwave metal all the time

I pop the open can of cat food in the microwave to warm it up for the kitties.
I imagine it would work with ravioli pop top cans and soup just as well
Observe and stir often

[Anonymous No.4228116]

I live in an apartment with a friend from high school so I don't really have any stories since I'm generally the only one that cooks and I keep the kitchen clean. Except for the times my roommate does something stupid like adding a random ingredient to whatever we're making. Thankfully he stopped doing that after finding out that sesame oil doesn't go well with fettucini alfredo.

[Anonymous No.4228117]

>>4226670
This. I'm renting a flat with 3 people, two of whom claimed to be cleanfreaks, yet somehow I'm always the one taking out the rubbish and cleaning the kitchen up after them.

One girl in particular, Nicola her name is, is not only extremely arrogant (queen bitch) but also extremely dirty. She noticed that I usually have a lot of friends over for dinner and decided to try and do the same so as to 'compete' with me. She'd never cooked before, and decided that coq au vin or cock and wine was the best dish to start with, after getting the recipe off me she locked herself up in the kitchen for 2 hours. Cue fire alarm going off, I go into the kitchen to find the sink on fire. Turns out she fucked up the temperature, so decided adding lighter fluid from the cupboard below the sink was a good idea. Her logic was that it'd evaporate without leaving a flavor but set fire to the wine. When it all burst into unholy fires she flipped the fuck out and chucked the pan into the sink, where it just continued to burn.

Since then she's hated me thinking I set her up for failure...oh well.

[Anonymous No.4228157]

>>4228117
how cant she know how to make cock and wine?

that's the only thing female students eat these days.

[Anonymous No.4228167]

>>4228117
If I didn't also live there, I would've just left her alone to figure out the fire.

[Anonymous No.4228178]

>>4228117
How did this person become a student?

[Anonymous No.4228184]

>>4228117

Never call someone in college a young adult. Incidents like this are proof that we're generally as good on our own as a five year old.

[Anonymous No.4228194]

>>4228178
>implying you need to be smart to get into college

[Anonymous No.4228231]

>>4228157
youfunnyguyIkillyoulast.jpg

[Anonymous No.4228251]

>>4228178
there's a big difference between academic intelligence and practical intelligence. This bitch probably has barely enough of the former, and none of the latter.

[Anonymous No.4228253]

>>4225666
you got trips and wasted them being a fucking faggot
I hate you

[Anonymous No.4228259]

>>4228253
>caring about trips
The faggot is you.

[Anonymous No.4228263]

>>4228253
>gets on /ck/

Go back to fucking /b/

[Anonymous No.4228266]

>>4228259
no, the faggot is you. Read your faggot post and point out to me where you stopped being a faggot. All I see is faggotry.

[Anonymous No.4228302]

>>4226738

truly this guy has tapped into masaokis' well of power

[Anonymous No.4228305]

>>4226738
>all of that
>eggs in the microwave
vomit.jpg

[Anonymous No.4228311]

A girl in my dorm spent a whole two hours trying to teach her boyfriend how to make spaghetti and meatballs. I couldn't tell if the girl was the stupid one, or if it was her boyfriend.

[Anonymous No.4228312]

Oh man, reading this thread has made me so glad that I could afford to live on my own through college.

[Anonymous No.4228313]

>>4228167
I didn't have a deathwish, regardless of how she was shoving me towards the sink, I waited for the firemen to arrive. They had to replace the sink afterwards since it was pretty horribly scorched and deformed from the fire, which also left black marks on the ceiling.

She also got drunk and microwaved some kind of ready meal...for as long as the microwave could microwave something. Actually not sure if she was drunk, but yeah, woke up one morning to my eyes and nose stinging from burnt plastic. Landlady had to replace the microwave. She's also kind of retarded in that for 2 months without anyone noticing she's left the front or back door of the house unlocked, because she couldn't be arsed to find her keys and so she didn't have to come out of her bedroom to let her bf into the house.

The bf in question tried poaching eggs one evening whilst pre-drinking with her in the kitchen. He tried once and fucked up since he added no vinegar to the water, then after asking me how to make them, grabbed my balsamic vinegar and guzzled nearly half the bottle in, before stopping, looking utterly amazed and pouring it down the sink, exclaiming 'Vinegar is basically wine, right? I'll just poach the eggs in red wine and make booze eggs!'
I'm not sure what to say, just nod and carry on cooking while his gf and friends rave about how clever he is...the end result looked like cow testicles or something. Really stank as well.

[Anonymous No.4228325]

>>4228313
I've poached eggs without vinegar before, it's pretty easily done.

[Anonymous No.4228332]

>>4228313
> cow testicles
oh god the image

And you really don't need vinegar to poach an egg. It works just fine without vinegar.

[Anonymous No.4228340]

>>4228332
>>4228325
But its easier that way. Considering how ridiculously oafish the guy was, he needed things to be made as easy as possible for him. The sink is constantly filled with black sooty stuff from him burning toast and scraping the burn off it.

[Anonymous No.4228343]

>communal kitchen

I avoid that shit with the plague when you have people burning product or thinking they are some pseudo hot shit.

[Anonymous No.4228347]

>>4228313
It almost never ceases to amaze me, and by amaze I mean amaze in a sort of disgusted way, how college students get so turned on by the idea of mixing alcohol with anything.

[Anonymous No.4228349]

>>4225968

They follow the time directed on the popcorn packet. The one's we usually get here say 5 minutes and the first time we did 5 minutes, it was burnt to a crisp.

We fed that bag to the birds and put it in for 2 minutes, then another thirty seconds and all was good.

[Anonymous No.4228358]

>>4228347
Forbidden and something to shove parents faces

[Anonymous No.4228370]

I'm fortunate enough that even though I live with a bunch of idiots, we've never had any kitchen disasters because they ask me how to cook something before trying themselves. Asking me how to turn an oven on was a bit of a shock though..

>flatmate eats tuna religiously
>add mayo and scrape over cracker style
>he eats this twice a day every day
>calls it "tuna supreme"
>finally get so upset with this I make him a proper tuna mayo
>nothing fancy, but a whole lot better than his stuff
>he calls it "tuna surprise" because he was surprised it actually tasted of something
>I give him recipe
>next day he's eating "tuna supreme" again

hopeless

[Anonymous No.4228381]

>>4228370
>with a bunch of idiots

>person like a specific dish
>forcing down a recipe that requires more work
>surprised that the person didn't make it again

Now thats what I called aspie syndrome

>

[Anonymous No.4228383]

I avoid it when possible, but my options are to either bite the bullet and use the communal kitchen, or live off overpriced fast food

[Anonymous No.4228388]

>>4228381
I added salt, pepper, lemon juice, sweetcorn and cayenne to his dish. Not exactly revolutionary or time-consuming.

[Anonymous No.4228394]

>>4228388
> salt
>pepper
>lemon juice
>sweetcorn
>cayenne

Let's see
>time consuming
>higher costs


You are that guy forcing his shit to other people and throws a fit when no one listens.

[Anonymous No.4228395]

>>4228388
>Implying that everyone buys or needs lemon juice
>Implying opening a tin of sweetcorn is easy
>Implying everyone buys cayenne

Tch.

[Anonymous No.4228404]

>>4228394
>>4228395
We have all of these things in our house, they literally just need to be opened and added. There are virtually no higher costs since all extra ingredients together cost less than 30 cents, while the tuna is about $1.50 a tin.

And no, I didn't throw a fit, I was just shocked by apathy to that extent

[Anonymous No.4228412]

>>4228404
I'm a pretty decent cook and I don't have lemon juice or sweetcorn in my house. Stop being such a fucking aspie and just deal with it.

Besides, that's not even a cooking fail, you fucking potato.

[Anonymous No.4228425]

>>4228404
>opened and added

So you are adding personal preferences to someone else and surprised that they are not using it on a regular basis?

[Anonymous No.4228442]

>>4228404
Fuck you. Most of that shit is just personal preferences, you stupid cunt. Assburgers like you piss me the fuck off.

[Anonymous No.4228444]

>>4228266
>getting this mad

[Anonymous No.4228448]

>>4228404
Has it occurred to you that maybe he just didn't like your recipe and was just trying to be polite by not saying anything?

[Anonymous No.4228451]

>>4228395
>implying any of that stuff requires any work at all
>implying the benefit doesn't outweigh the work added

[Anonymous No.4228454]

>>4228451
see
>>4228448

[Anonymous No.4228460]

>>4228454
I'm not even the OP of the tuna rant but I guess plebs gonna pleb. Nothin you can do about a pleb and their food.

[Anonymous No.4228465]

>>4228451
Are you fucking retarded? Compared to just opening a tin of tuna and adding mayo, that's pretty much twice as much work. Then again the only cooking failure you could come up with is this shit, therefore you must be legit retard.

Also that actually made me wanna have the exact same thing.

[Anonymous No.4228469]

>>4228465
It wasn't me who posted the tuna rant.

[Anonymous No.4228472]

>>4228465
The..result..will..outweigh...the.mount..of..extra..work...required. Are you retarded? Do you even fucking read?

[Anonymous No.4228477]

>>4228381
>>4228394
>>4228395
>>4228412
>>4228425
>>4228442
>>4228444
>>4228451
>>4228460
>>4228465
>>4228469
>>4228472
shit son, sure is /b/ in here tonight

[Anonymous No.4228481]

>>4228472
To him, it probably fucking didn't, considering he didn't end up doing it. It's that fucking simple.

[Anonymous No.4228485]

>>4228093
The crazy ex-house mate is apparently off the rocker, and looks for attention in any way he can think of. Wouldn't this fit the description of "trolling" in the internet sense? Acting out in the most provocative fashion to receive attention?

[Anonymous No.4228503]

>>4228485
I don't believe the crazy dude was trolling. He probably meant what he said, when he said it. According to the post, he later had a change of heart.

[Anonymous No.4228822]

>>4228485
Or maybe he's just fucking crazy and needs to be put away before he burns down a house.

[Anonymous No.4228924]

>>4228157

[Anonymous No.4228992]

Had an asian roomate who ate nothing but plain white rice. Every time he tried to make anything else he fucked it up. Dude couldn't even toast bread without burning it to a crisp. I watched him try to make eggs and it was a fucking nightmare of char afterwards. Had to throw that pan out.

I'll be damned if he didn't make the best rice I've ever had though.

My other room mate that year only ate easy mac and PBJ sandwiches. If he wanted anything fancier, he called his mom up and had her walk him through it step by step, including how to make a fried egg. Or pasta.

Had another roomate the next year who got into a fight and stabbed a guy with my $200 Shun knife. That rustled my jimmies.

[Anonymous No.4228995]

>>4225882
>mother can't cook

How is that possible? Your mother is profesional some sort and make a lot of dosh?

[Anonymous No.4229000]

My roommate got drunk and made a SHITLOAD of muffins. Most of them stayed overnight and were hard as a rock by morning. Completely inedible.

We had a huge muffin fight on the dorm corridors and broke a window with one.

[Anonymous No.4229027]

Delicious dorm jelly cheesecake.

[Anonymous No.4229031]

>roommate says he's so glad to have me instead of his old roommate that was really messy
>he doesn't cook anything besides frozen meals and takeout so the kitchen is all mine
>recently starts cooking
>I let him use all my stuff since he doesn't have any
>scratches the shit out of pans
>makes a huge mess all over the stove every time he cooks
>oil everywhere on the counter that he doesn't clean up
>leaves the pans, cutting board, knives and spatula in the sink dirty for me to clean when I need to use them

[Anonymous No.4229040]

>>4226392
hmmmmmm i see a shredder ring

[Anonymous No.4229060]

>>4229000
well if they were good you coukd have at least made some milkshakes with them, just get them niceand soft in the milk

[Anonymous No.4229076]

>>4229031
>I let him use all my stuff since he doesn't have any
your own fault then

[Anonymous No.4229092]

>>4229076
>my fault he doesn't clean up after himself because I let him use my pan

[Anonymous No.4229132]

>>4226192
>>4226208
Stay pleb, faggots. I attended a top notch college where the econ dept focused on Austrian economics and all of my professors were libertarians.

[Anonymous No.4229211]

>>4229092
You should've taken away his pan privileges until he stopped being gross.

[Anonymous No.4229222]

>>4229031

>makes a huge mess all over the stove every time he cooks

Roommates do the same thing. I can sympathize since I use a big wok most of the time but what the fuck it gets real bad.

[Anonymous No.4229457]

>>4228117
I feel for you, but sadly i'm just with lazy people who can't be bothered to do it. I'm sick of it and have started cleaning before I cook so I have a clean environment to do so. I clean up if I spill or over boil something but that's it. Honestly getting sick of the way they treat it.

As I keep saying, I can't fucking wait to move in with friends in September.

[Anonymous No.4230872]

I still live with my parents because the University is on a walking distance from my home.

I've only had to eat in a dorm once because of a project, and it was a horrible experience

The guy threw undercooked rice together with half-raw potatoes, overcooked brocolli, a SHITTON of curry and salt and some other vegetables (couldn't even tell what kind of vegetable because of the salt and curry), and a pathetic amout of meat that a normal person would use to make beef stock

he supposedly eats this everyday.

[Anonymous No.4230884]

>>4229457
>can't wait to move in with friends in September

Good luck with that. In my experience it's the same thing except you can't tell them to fuck off and die. Left uni 10 years ago, have never met up with "friends" again...

[Anonymous No.4230922]

>>4229457
Try to observe how tidy your friends are before, because as someone else pointed out, its hard to tell friends to fuck off.

An update on this morning, Nicola tried to make scrambled eggs. So while I'm hardboiling mine for a breakfast salad (need to use up my greenery before they wilt) I see her pour 1 pint of milk into a bowl containing 2 badly mixed eggs. They just floated around pathetically. Then she adds 5 tablespoons of baking powder to it, half a glass of water, tomato paste, maple syrup, leftover beer from last night, curry powder and baked beans. Leaves it on high in frying pan and uses spatula thing to mix it, sloshing the vile mixture all over the gas hob until it EXTINGUISHES both the one I'm using and hers, throws her arms up in frustration, then just turns the gas on HIGHER and uses a lighter to try and ignite the soggy mess. I try to stop her and she tells me to fuck off, whereupon I take everything I had on the counters and put them in my cabinet and just leave with my half-boiled egg salad, hear a screech 20 minutes later and hear knocking on my door. Nicola is upset because a good 3-4 inches of her badly dyed hair is singed, asks me if I could give her a haircut...told her to fuck off.

Two hours later come in kitchen and the hob is encrusted in goop. Ohboy. I wish this wasn't a regular thing.

[Anonymous No.4230941]

>>4226357
>set water to boil for pasta
>"this is taking forever to boil, I'm gonna go browse /v/ for five minutes and come back
>two hours later
>fuck

not my proudest moment in the kitchen.

[Anonymous No.4230962]

>>4230941
what did it look like?

[Anonymous No.4230968]

>was living in distant city
>money running out
>no local friends
>romantic rejection
>decided to bake a nice dinner
>chicken and mushroom baked pasta thing
>smells amazing
>open the oven and lift it out
>the tea towel was damp and the heat passes straight through it
>drop the baking dish through the glass of the opened oven door
>glass and dinner everywhere
>sigh and walk to mcdonalds

[Anonymous No.4230984]

the communal kitchen in our dorm was an absolute shithole, I bought my own utensils/pans and stored them in my room. never witnessed anything terrible, just a lot of noodles and cookie mix.

[Anonymous No.4231062]

>>4230962
It wasn't one of those copper-bottom pots, just one piece of metal, so it didn't melt. It was blackened horribly on the bottom and it smelled absolutely awful (I guess the minerals in the water burning into the bottom of the pot). I turned off the heat, moved it with an oven mitt (wasn't quite retarded enough to try it with my bare hands), and it creaked. That's when I said "okay, time to leave this the fuck alone for eight hours". Once again, wasn't quite retarded enough to try to run it under cold water.

Still fine as a pot and I use it to this day. Most of the shit came up with some scrubbing, and it the horribly scorched bottom is a good conversation piece.

This happened two years ago. I was 23.

[Anonymous No.4231076]

>>4230922
More Nicola stories please.

[Anonymous No.4231082]

>>4226670
Tom?

[Anonymous No.4231088]

>>4229031
>scratches the shit out of pans

I seriously hate when people do this.

>Dad buys new frying pans for summer cottage
>later that summer there's a fire, so repairs are needed
>Dad and uncle hire some workers, two of them live in the cottage for the duration
>drink with them, seem like alright dudes, one of them was a cook
>return at the end of the summer, workers have left, new pan and several others are completely ruined

Fucking cunts.

[Anonymous No.4231100]

>>4231088

I don't even bother buying new pans because the roommate I live with doesn't understand the concept of not using metal cookware on them. I hid my new set of knives from him too.

[Anonymous No.4231109]

>college dorm with shared kitchen and bathroom
>i hate this place and its a ripoff but I got suckered into having to spend a whole semester here
>one roommate is fucking retarded and smokes out the whole place every time he cooks
>pours fuckload of corn oil into a pan to cook anything
>all his pans are burnt to fuck after cooking, his food is burnt to fuck and full of chunks of burnt shit
>the entire place smells like burnt food and the ceiling around the stove is starting to turn dark from the greasy smoke
>he still eats the food
>he wont stop doing it despite the other 3 of us that live there telling him to stop it
>ask for room change
>hurpadurp u gotta stay dere all semester deres no rooms left
>hue hue hue hue hue

My advice is to never live in dorms. EVER. For the price Im paying I could rent out a two bedroom apartment and either keep it all to myself, or rent out the spare room to a roommate that I get to pick.

[Anonymous No.4231114]

>>4231109

There's that, but unless you're a fairly extroverted person dorms are great for making automatic social connections and essentially free unlimited sex. Some might argue that first and second year of college aren't about keeping a spotless kitchen and scrubbing your yanagi once a day to maintain the mirror finish.

[Anonymous No.4231127]

>my kitchen when a tub of milk powder fell down as I was cooking

[Anonymous No.4231130]

>>4231127
>taking photos instead of cleaning that shit
shiggy

[Anonymous No.4231136]

>>4231127

God, what a pigsty. Clear this shit, son.

[Anonymous No.4231142]

>our kitchen sink is overflowing with dirty dishes
>the water filling the sink is starting to smell funny and get moldy
>none of us give a fuck
>one guys girlfriend comes over and flips the fuck out
>rants and raves at us and her boyfriend but notices the amount of fucks we give after 4 days of telling us to clean it up
>come back from class one day and the kitchen is spotless
>she cleaned it all for us
>the very next days shits already piling up in the sink again
>sitting in my room with the door closed
>hear her come over and freak out
>pretend im not home when she bangs on my door
>that night we are all drunk as fuck laughing about saying if we leave it long enough again she will clean it for us

>she does

[Anonymous No.4231147]

>>4231142

You're a terrible human being.

[Anonymous No.4231150]

>>4231142

[Anonymous No.4231159]

>>4231142

[Anonymous No.4231160]

>>4231142
>one of this is true btw.

[Anonymous No.4231167]

>>4225967
>fire alarm at 3:30AM
>go out in pyjamas and dressing gown and slippers
>waiting in the cold
>japanese guy in tight orange briefs and singlet shivering
>give him my dressing gown
>still together today

[Anonymous No.4231179]

>>4231142
At fucking least she's actually dating one of you guys. I have to do that shit without even getting taken to a shitty diner.

>>4231076
Very well.
On her second day moving in, she mistakenly thought I'd gone with the other housemate to a large city where she had to attend some important sciencey conference. This housemate of mine had a double bed paid for by the lab she works at, in a really nice hotel so yeah. Little did Nicola know, I had some assignments and was staying in. I head into the kitchen to see her on the counter, getting laid...with some vegetables she was chopping right next to her. Her bf notices me squeak in shock and pulls out, ejaculates on the vegetables. I make to run out but Nicola (who then wanted to be all buddy buddy) calls me back and starts making small talk with me.

She asks me for my frying pan, and since I hadn't any particular reason to hate her (and was mega flustered over seeing that shit) I lent it her. Cue her tipping all the onions, bell peppers etc...that had been ejaculated on into the pan. I'm all 'wait dude what the hell?' then she looks me in the eye and says 'don't worry, it's all sterilized! There's no bacteria in it.'

>mfw she leaves the frying pan dirty in the sink for me to clean.

[Anonymous No.4231183]

>>4231179
Holy shit, I would have murdered her then and there.

[Anonymous No.4231189]

>>4231179

Another time, Nicola was really, really drunk. Now for you to know how this makes sense, basically her room is the only one downstairs, next to the kitchen, and at the end of the kitchen, there's a small bathroom she's made her 'private' one.

I'd lost track of time somehow (well, I blame 4chan) and it was 2am and I hadn't had anything to eat in hours. So I went downstairs to put together something mega quick and the moment I enter the kitchen I see Nicola with her underwear and skirt around her ankles, taking a shit while chopping sausages on a cutting board on her lap. She also had a santa hat on, for no good reason since it was october. I freeze, unsure what to say, and she notices me, tries to get up to wave at me, knocks the cutting board, getting some of the sausages into the toilet.

>mfw she (without pulling her undies on) kneels down and fishes the sausages out
>mfw she finally then puts her clothes on, but not after making me see her wipe and not wash her hands
>mfw she puts the cutting board down and goes through the clean dishes to get her shitty pan
>mfw there's a shit on the cutting board
>mfw she notices the shit and grabs my hand laughing and slurring 'omg look its a shit! i thought it was a sausage, hahaha well since its tesco value hahahaha'
>mfw she throws it into the garbage can but there's one tiny piece of shit still on the board that she fries up
>mfw she offers me some, but then just throws up all over the kitchen floor and passes out right there, knocking the trashcan over herself
>mfw the shit is on the floor next to her

I didn't eat that night.

[Anonymous No.4231190]

>>4231179
that's the most horrifying story I've ever heard. I would have asked her to move out immediately, or leave myself

Literally, can't even deal with that story..

[Anonymous No.4231191]

>>4231189
You should try to get her evicted, she doesn't deserve to be alive, let alone live with actual human beings who don't pan fry their shit.

[Anonymous No.4231192]

>>4231179
>>4231189
This girl sounds feral.
Please, continue

[Anonymous No.4231193]

>>4228117
I also live with two people who are "clean." Turns out the clean they meant was drugs. I smoke weed occasionally and they always get on my case. I don't even do it in the apartment.

Every day the kitchen is a disaster. They will cook something and leave all the pots full of food on the stove for days and throw the boxes of ingredients around the counter for me to pick up. If they spill something, I'm the one to clean it up. They have claimed the common area as their pigsty, so I have retreated to my room.

They are worse than some potheads I have hung out with and they bash on drug users all the time.

[Anonymous No.4231196]

>>4231189
>fishes the sausages out
Oh god, my sides

[Anonymous No.4231197]

>>4231189
>come to /ck/
>read this story
>eating chorizo right now
>no

[Anonymous No.4231202]

>>4231189
Also, on Saturday, I was baking a chocolate cake for my friends that come over to play DnD at mine every week. Moment the cake starts giving off a nice aroma (added lots of vanilla and rose water to the batter) she and her bf, both drunk and hungover enter kitchen, asking me what it is. Her bf is mega touchy feely, saying how sexy a woman that can cook is. Nicola gets pissed off and starts trying to make pancakes.
The ingredients were
instant tea
instant coffee
flour
1 pint of milk
double cream
6 eggs
oregano (my other housemate sells it to her pretending its marijuana LOL)
salt
nutella
crushed tesco value choco chip biscuits

She fries up the mixture, on really high heat so it bubbles up and gets fucking everywhere, but eventually she just starts scrambling it. Like, effing scrambled pancakes, I leave because oh god my sides, and after a few minutes I catch her tampering with my cake, emptying what looked like salt onto the cake, then nearly dropping it and saying 'your cake is so disgusting and salty, guess you can't do everything you stuck up whore!'. She slams the container onto my counter and I lol heartily.

It was vanilla sugar.
Later on I let her bf have a slice of my chocolate cake, just to see the look on her face.

[Anonymous No.4231204]

>>4231189
>>mfw she offers me some, but then just throws up all over the kitchen floor and passes out right there, knocking the trashcan over herself
>>mfw the shit is on the floor next to her

[Anonymous No.4231207]

>>4231202
Why is this person allowed to walk free. She needs to be locked up in the loony bin.

[Anonymous No.4231210]

>>4231191
I tried, but its a student town and there's only ever tenants to take her place around summer-ish. My landlady is a huge pushover and just basically doesn't give a shit as long as the house is still standing and the rent is paid.

[Anonymous No.4231213]

>>4231210
Why don't you just kick her out and pay a little bit more for rent? I'm sure it would be much easier than putting up with a retard.

[Anonymous No.4231215]

>>4231213
Thing is, over here landlords know exactly how much we literally have in our pockets and match the rent to that price. 130% of my maintenance loan goes to rent, and what with the scarcity of part-time work...paying rent and eating well (depending on whats reduced to clear in store) is all I can manage. I don't really get support from my family since all I've got is my mom who has her hands full supporting herself. So really, dealing with her is the only viable option.

Also at one point I had fajita-fever and kept making as many kinds of wraps as I could, and she decided it was cool and joined in. We were chatting normally for fucking once, until I notice her emptying cream of mushroom soup, baked beans, tuna, sweetcorn, tabasco, veggie sticks, mustard and some bell peppers into a wrap. She sits down and eats it, being amazed how tasty it is, and then holds it out for me to try. I'm actually kinda curious, except she squeezed too hard and got it all on the floor.

>mfw she just sploshes it back onto her plate
>mfw my hamster was rolling around in her hamster ball just moments before, leaving tons of droppings I was planning on cleaning up
>mfw there's hamster shit between her teeth

[Anonymous No.4231220]

>>4231215
I guess you can just record all of these tard tales and sell them so you will have enough money to kick this bitch out next year.

[Anonymous No.4231224]

>>4231220
Seriously, you should write a book

[Anonymous No.4231226]

>>4231220
Oh, she's leaving in just a few months. You see, she's apparently sick of my shit. My shit being telling her to clean up after herself, telling her to stop leaving the front door unlocked, to stop turning all the heaters on when nobody is in the house to even appreciate it, etc.

Also for those interested, she's come back with a really shit hairstyle from burning her hair this morning. Thank fuck by the sounds of her and her bff squealing, they're having kfc.

[Anonymous No.4231232]

>>4231202

You have my pity, and my sincerest wishes that Nicola's ovaries spontaneously combust.

Well played on turning her stupidity against her with delicious, vanilla-y chocolate cake goodness.

[Anonymous No.4231235]

>>4231226
I thought my roommates were bad for a second. They make one hell of a mess but they don't do any of this retarded shit and keep to themselves. I'll think about you every time I srcub a pot with week old food in it so it can go in the dish washer.

[Anonymous No.4231238]

This should be recorded for posterity. The Ballad of Nicola: a Cautionary Tale.

[Anonymous No.4231240]

>>4231238
We need to archive this thread.

[Anonymous No.4231243]

>>4231238
Nicola will become the new posterchild of /ck/

[Anonymous No.4231251]

>>4231243
Jesus Christ, how horrifying.

[Anonymous No.4231254]

>>4225648
Why do you live in a dorm?

Are you a child?

[Anonymous No.4231258]

>think i'm being nice by leaving my drying rack out with a nice note saying that as long as people don't move my stuff out they can use it if there's space
>everything goes fine
>until one day, at three in the morning i decide to make ramen
>walk into kitchen
>see pot on stove
>look at pot
>MOTHERFUCKING POT HAD USED RAMEN WATER IN IT ALREADY
>FUCKING FLIPPED MY SHIT
>WASHED IT WITH BLEACH THREE TIMES
>STILL DON'T USE IT

seriously who the fuck uses someone's pot without asked and then doesn't clean it. u-u

[Anonymous No.4231263]

>>4231254
Because I'm in college. Not sure how that helps you feel superior, but whatever gets you through the day is fine.

[Anonymous No.4231266]

>>4231243
Yes

[Anonymous No.4231267]

>>4228184
>leave house at 18
>do fine on my own
>see threads like this
>I think my brain is a time traveller

[Anonymous No.4231270]

>>4231263
It doesn't, it just boggles my mind that people willingly put up with this.

Anyway, my story

>be 16
>time for hardboiled eggs (i fucking love hardboiled eggs and salt)
>fill pot with water
>put eggs in
>put burner on high
>play vidya
>brought back to reality by gunfire
>water evaporated off
>eggs exploded
>pan ruined

It's been 7 years and my parents never found out.

[Anonymous No.4231277]

>tfw I was that guy who used metal on non-stick
>tfw I got drunk one night and pissed on the fridge
>tfw I now know how to cook and dislike people who can't handle their booze

I'm sorry roommates...

[Anonymous No.4231284]

Sadly I have a tendency to let my kitchen turn into a shithole of trash and dirty utensils, and the worse it gets the harder it is to get started cleaning. I'd better get off /ck/ and get started, so I can have people over and act like a respectable member of society.

[Anonymous No.4231288]

>>4231284
I'm about to clean my kitchen too

>kitchen filthy for days
>get bug up my ass about clenaing it
>get it spotless
>dirty again in a few days
>repeat cycle

[Anonymous No.4231290]

Lest we forget

[Anonymous No.4231297]

>>4231288
I think this is the normal cycle for most people. The good thing is as you get older, the dirt bothers you more, so you start to clean more often, and your house stays cleaner. One of the few perks of getting older is how much easier it becomes to do the right things.

[Anonymous No.4231305]

Jesus, this thread.

>my best friend wants to move in
>"Sure, I can use the extra help tidying up because I have classes"
>she claims she cooks well, and I believe her because I have no reason not to. She's always texting me about the things she makes, and they sound pretty tasty
>ask her to make dinner the night she moves in, because I want to see what she can do
>kraft dinner with 5 tablespoons each of garlic powder and parsley. The part that might presumably be edible is so overcooked the macaroni has broken down into a gelatinous mass, and about 1/2 of it is burnt to the bottom of the pan
>she says she likes the crunch
>it's her specialty

I've never actually seen her cook something that wasn't horribly burnt or overcooked in some way.

[Anonymous No.4231315]

>>4231288
Once it's spotless I can maintain it for a while, especially if I can force myself into a somewhay obsessive mindset over it. The problem is that I usually only clean it until it's "good enough", and all it takes is a couple of days and it's a total shithole again.

It's like one broken window in a bad neighbourhood, if you don't fix it right away every window will be broken in a couple of nights.

[Anonymous No.4231323]

>>4231290
doing gods work

[Anonymous No.4231340]

>>4231290
I'll never forget this. Ever.

[Anonymous No.4231343]

>>4231315
It also screws up my eating habits. I need proper working space and clean equipment to cook good food.

I have a friend who's blind, and she's the most amazing cook I know. But everything has to be cleaned up after use and put back in the correct spot since she can't see shit.

[Anonymous No.4231353]

>>4231343
>naked chef
>iron chef
>blind chef

[Anonymous No.4231354]

>>4225876
I'd love to have a garbage disposal unit. Some municipalities in Sweden give out subsidies for buying these since they harvest the methane from the breakdown of the waste. But I use a personal septic system, I'm not sure it can take the load of a garbage disposal. I don't want to have the sludge truck coming and going all the time. It would be cool if I could capture the methane, though.

[Anonymous No.4231360]

I just failed to make a cheese toastie. The cheese all oozed out and it tasted like shit.

Cooking like a pleb is hard.

[Anonymous No.4231406]

>>4231360
Plebs gonna pleb

[Anonymous No.4231415]

>Brother decides he wants to make chocolate pudding
>Grabs top half of double boiler pan
>Burns pudding somehow (seriously, wtf)
>Forced him to scrub that goddamn pan until it shone. I still have it.

[Anonymous No.4231417]

>>4231415
>double boiler pan

as in, like, glass?

[Anonymous No.4231526]

>>4231415
>Grabs top half of double boiler pan
Why would you need that? You just take milk, starch, sugar and cocoa, bring to a boil and dump in a bowl.

[Anonymous No.4231532]

>>4231290
Oh god why

[Anonymous No.4231592]

Vaguely related.

Get home from college.
Walk in the back door to the kitchen.
Smoke everywhere.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!"
Fatass, dumbass brother in his hurry to get back to his show hit 60:00 on the microwave instead of 00:60.
Didn't bother to check or notice the smoke.
16 minutes in and the reheated donut is on fire and has ruined the plate it was on.
Brother still thinks he can cook better than me and is smarter than me.

[Anonymous No.4231608]

>walk into kitchen to make some dinner
>see girl looking at oven
>start cooking on stove top
>girl looks at me confused
>she says "Oh, you found matches?"
>mfw it's an electric stove

turns out she was trying to cook ground beef. She thought it was a gas stove. she didn't have matches to light it, so she cooked her ground beef in the oven in a glass bowl...
some people.

[Anonymous No.4231613]

>>4231608

How do you even mistake electric stove for a gas one? They are really different looking.

[Anonymous No.4231615]

>>4231592
One mistake does not define a person.

Judging by your butthurt, he probably can.

[Anonymous No.4231645]

>>4231615
Go away Anon's Brother

[Anonymous No.4231648]

>First time properly cooking on my own
>Sausages
>Usually do them under the grill
>Forgot to bring my grill pan to uni
>"Whatever, I'll fry them instead, can't be too different to frying eggs"
>A litre of oil goes into the pan
>Don't want them to stick
>Mediumish heat, don't want them to burn
>Oil spitting everywhere
>"Oh shit, somebody fix this shit"
>Flatmate pours the oil out into the sink
>Cool, it's all over
>Turn the heat down
>"That isn't happening again"

Spend 30 minutes waiting for sausages to cook until somebody finally turns the heat up and they cook in an instant.

>Everone's faces when

[Anonymous No.4231661]

>>4231615
Lol, you're talking about someone who's entire cooking repertoire is chicken nuggets and easy mac

>>4231645
Lol, beat me to it.

[Anonymous No.4231820]

>>4231648
Get a George Foreman.

[Anonymous No.4231829]

>>4231820

>that feel when your college doesn't allow you to have a George Foreman

[Anonymou᠎s No.4231868]

>literally half an hour ago
>wanna do boiled eggs, which I do very rarely, as a salad addition
>I let the water cook for 10mins and leave
>shit, half the water evaporated
>still drop eggs in pan, prepare more water in a water heater
>one or two eggs actually got a crack when I dropped them like an ape into the shallow water
>the egg white escapes, coating the pan with some disgusting poach abortion
>foam everywhere
>yolk now leaving as well
>try to save them by taking them out, washing them off and preparing more water in the water heater
>add the only one that wasn't damaged
>when I drop it it cracks a little as well
>ACTUALLY HAVE STILL HOPE I CAN ATLEAST SALVAGE THAT ONE
>NOPE, SAME SHIT HAPPENS
FUCK

[Anonymous No.4231876]

>>4231829
>tfw your roommates set off the fire alarm making microwave popcorn

[Anonymous No.4231907]

>>4229132
George Mason?

[Anonymous No.4231931]

>>4231868
put it on a spoon and carefully slide it into the pot.

How do you manage to break an egg by placing it in the water anyhow? You must be throwing them in or something

[Anonymous No.4231989]

>>4231648
>a liter of hot oil into the sink
Oh goodness I bet that came back later to bite you in the ass

[Anonymous No.4232037]

>>4231931

Don't they sometimes crack from the temperature difference if you put cold eggs straight into boiling water? I seem to remember that's the reasoning behind starting them in a pan of cold/lukewarm water then bringing it to the boil from there.

[Anonymous No.4232084]

>>4231829
Damn shame. They can be used to cook so many things easily. It should be required to own one when you are in college.

Here is a tuna melt with Havarti I made on one. Shit was off the rails.

[Anonymous No.4232111]

>>4226783
>That's Brazilian Ju Jitsu, not Blow Job Jitsu
Oh my goodness I needed those laughs thank you anon

[Anonymous No.4232123]

>be at uni, live with friend for 3 years
>in that 3 years he eats pasta and tomato sauce every week
>still never buys onion or garlic or herbs, just heats up tinned tomatoes, making an undercooked "sauce" and asks to borrow
my basil
>buys more expensive tomatoes than me but his sauce tastes 10 times worse :/

[Anonymous No.4232133]

>>4232037
I've never had that happen to me, nor have I ever heard of that happening.

[Anonymous No.4232159]

>>4232037
I think if there's a slight crack, the heat causes the egg to expand and widen the crack but if you lower it in slowly, the edges egg harden before any can leak out. That may be bullshit though.

[Anonymous No.4232254]

>>4232084

That looks delicious as FUCK. Tuna has become one of my favorite things now that I'm living on my own. Really wish I could have that Foreman ;__;

[Anonymous No.4232306]

>>4232084
Grilled tuna+cheese sandwiches are amazing

[Anonymous No.4232336]

i fucked up instant ramen once

[Anonymous No.4232497]

>>4232254
If college students are constantly getting places evacuated with microwave popcorn, there is no way in hell they can be trusted with a foreman grill.

[Anonymous No.4232511]

>>4232336
this reminds me that one time i was really craving pho but it was too late to buy some so i tried to make instant beef ramen taste like pho and it was horrible

[Anonymous No.4232514]

>>4232511
How did you try to do it?

[Anonymous No.4232518]

>girl making mugshot pasta
>applies water to dried pasta in pan
>burns it

>girl cooks bacon in my friends reasonably expensive tefal frying pan
>full heat
>burns bacon on pan
>cleans with metal scraper
>fails to see problem with this

im sure i heard someone say it was impossible to flip a pancake without using a ladle in some way today too.

[Anonymous No.4232522]

>>4232511
If you have an asian market around, you should stop in sometime and buy a jar of pho paste, or even better, Bo Kho paste. Then, when it's late and night and you're desperate, you can add that to the ramen broth, plus some veggies, meat, tofu, whatever and herbs and lime juice, and have a decent faux pho.

[Wumplord No.4232527]

>>4232522
huhuhuhuhu
>faux pho

[Anonymous No.4232544]

>>4225674
>poking the sausage with a ladle
What.

[Anonymous No.4232551]

Back in my days of roommates and such, I saw people:
>burn boxed mac and cheese
>try to flip an egg without using a spatula and get it all over the ceiling
>burn chicken on the outside, raw in center and then still eat it.
>eat a whole carton of cool whip with m&ms in it
>try to boil pasta in about 2 inches of water and burn the fuck out of the pan.
>try to make homemade mac and cheese and have it come out with a watery sauce leaking everywhere, but hard macaroni
>melt my spatulas and spoons
>

[Anonymous No.4232561]

>>4232551
>not searing your chicken for dat red

Do you even steak?

[Anonymous No.4232562]

>>4232544
They literally stood in front of the pan of sausage with a ladle in hand, gently tapping the sausage. I had no fucking idea what they thought they were going to accomplish.

[Anonymous No.4232565]

>>4232551
How do you melt a fucking spoon on accident? Was it plastic?

[Anonymous No.4232748]

>>4232551
tfw when you can flip an egg without a spatula

[Anonymous No.4232756]

>>4232748
I just put a lid over the pan to steam the top side and not have to risk breaking the yolk.

[Anonymous No.4232763]

>>4232756
but then the yolk is partly over-cooked
to be fair: I usually do just flip them with a spatula
but I'll just flip my wok up if I'm feeling frisky

[Anonymous No.4232778]

>>4225967

I hate people who refuse to use an air popper. That bagged microwaved shit is gross

[Anonymous No.4232792]

>>4232756
I do this at work sometimes because those massive 300+ct cases of whole eggs have a nasty habit of breaking. Grocery eggs aren't that bad.

I'm quite well known for flipping my shit over eggs. I can be very delicate and very precise, but those fuckers are so goddamned random! Also, I hate stoned ass motherfuckers that wander into a restaurant at night and want eggs. Fuck you man.

[Anonymous No.4232799]

>>4226783

That guy is textbook schizophrenia.

[Anonymous No.4232802]

>>4232763
>but then the yolk is partly over-cooked

Only if you cook it too hot.

[Op No.4232803]

>>4232763

If done properly you will not partially over cook the yolk

[Anonymous No.4232809]

>>4228184

I am 29 and can tell you most adults are mentally and emotionally children. Particularly the ones that like to harp about how mature they are. Those people are usually the most immature.

[Anonymous No.4232814]

>>4228325

I've never poached eggs with vinegar. Always water...

[Op No.4232823]

>>4232814
People that poach eggs with even the smallest amount of vinegar in thevwater disgust me.

[Anonymous No.4232848]

>>4232809
Since your blather contains grammatical mistakes, I'm going to interpret your claim as pure, uneducated nonsense.

[Anonymous No.4232849]

>College roommate, in apartment
>Making tuna helper
>adds can of black olives
>adds whole white onion, chopped
>adds jar of capers
>adds can of sweet corn
>adds can of sliced mushrooms
>adds paprika, cayenne, thyme, salt, and god knows what else
>adds about 10 slices of kraft american cheese
>adds tuna
>large skillet overflowing
>serves himself one large plate
>eats half, puts the rest in several large tupperwares
>never touches the rest of his masterpeice

[Anonymous No.4232865]

the only terrible thing that happens in my dorm kitchen is when someone and their 40 closest friends decide to cook a meal in there, leaving no burners or countertop space for anyone else who might want to cook too

burnt popcorn fire alarm fiascoes are mandatory for dorm living, thank god I'm getting out of here in the fall

[AntacidCanada !qFrz99V4RE No.4232872]

Using the Fraternity kitchen is one of the most frustrating things ever. Everything is Industrial sized to the point that I'm worried the pitiful amount of water I want to boil will burn.

[Anonymous No.4232901]

>>4231297

Millions of people become hoarders as they get older.

[Anonymous No.4232909]

>>4231305

There is a reason the best cooks in the world are all men. We actually give a shit and obsess over flavors and ingredients. Women tend to not do that... if they do they are usually good cooks.

[Anonymous No.4232942]

>>4228117
If this is at uni, which uni?

[Anonymous No.4232979]

>in culinary school
>watch a kid overcook pasta, never taking it off rolling boil
>watch him notice the fuck up when his bowties are almost the size of actual bowties
>watch him take the pot to the sink, dump in colander, rinse in cold water
>watch him start to make pasta salad with it
>get white knight feeling
>walk by and pretend to notice for the first time
>suggest kindly that he start a new batch
>he gets all pissy and says it's perfect
oh well
>he brings huge bowl of runny pasta salad with noodle mush to the table for communal lunch
>starts the bad rep and no one likes him for the rest of the year as he continually fucks up remedial shit
>find out he still fucking graduates, though 3 classes behind us when he shows up at the restaurant I'm working at for a stage
no wonder culinary schools get such shit rep
I'm glad I had the experience myself, but goddamn, that pisses me off to this day

[Anonymous No.4232995]

>Hungry as fuck
>Have PB/Chocolate Syrup/Graham Crackers/Cocoa Pebbles
>Meh, lets make a sauce for the crackers
>Peanut Butter in pan on medium
>Begins burning add syrup
>Gets worse
>Panic again, add cold milk
>Locks the fuck up
>Panic, the reckoning, add more of everything and crushed cocoa puffs
>Starts to boil
>Know im fucked
>Try it
>Literally tastes like nothing, like 0 taste

Never again

[Anonymous No.4233050]

Good buddy of mine gets his first place with his girl, invites a few of us round for dinner. He's professing his culinary skills and decides to make a curry.
mfw I watch him pour two jars of uncle bens curry sauce over some overcooked chicken, and throws in a few mushrooms. Even the rice was done in a rice cooker and it turned out average at best.

[Anonymous No.4233662]

>>4232909
Amongst the FEW men that actually cook, a FEW of them are really good cooks. The rest of the good cooks are women, typically grandmothers, mothers or girls raised fucking properly.

I'd have a cook-off with you anytime.

[Anonymous No.4233665]

>>4232037
Poke a small hole in the bottom of the egg with a pin.

Don't poke the yoke.

[Anonymous No.4233667]

>>4229027
the fuck

[Anonymous No.4233674]

>>4233662
i'd say cooking does not have a gender imbalance in this generation

my mother and most of the friend's mothers can't cook for shit

[Anonymous No.4233731]

>>4233662
In my experience at home. Men and woman have the same amount of good cooks. Although women tend to be far better bakers. This is only from my personal experience.

[Anonymous No.4233793]

>>4233662
This idea is actually very fucking legit. The bell curve average of all men is more spread out than the bell curve average of women, in almost all things.

This is why the top business men, the top chefs, the top artists are all men, but so are the most evil, the most insane and the most dangerous people. Women just lie more safely in the middle

This is a thing.

[Anonymous No.4234070]

Why are we arguing about gender issues on a cooking board?

[Anonymous No.4234083]

>>4233793
Thank you. I was actually trying to formulate that very argument in case of inevitable backlash, but you did it for me. Kudos


Okay, more on Nicola.
Went down to make some tuna pasta salad and noticed there were tons of bread crumbs and shit on the floor, so while pasta's cooking go to grab broom and sweep since it'll go really gross in just a few hours when someone inevitably spills water all over the floor, find the broom missing. Look around, cant find it, only the handle bit, notice Nicola in the living room eating scrambled eggs. That's normal, but what wasn't was all the shit stuck to the eggs. There were clumps of hair, lint...I ask her about the broom, trying hard not to gag and she after taking around 10 minutes of just trying to ignore me tells me its in the trashcan.

>mfw the head of the broom, unscrewed is encrusted in scrambled eggs
>mfw the bits of the broom melted
>mfw I realize she must have put the broom in the frying pan

I ask her about it casually and she admits to dropping the mixed eggs on the floor, and since she's run out of cash she scooped it all up in the pan using the broom. When she saw how much eggy mixture was on the broom, she unscrewed it and put it on there, then removed as much cooked egg as she could from it.

>mfw I overhear her complain to her friend about stomach ache, thinks she's pregnant.

I don't usually wish bad things for people but...I really hope she doesn't become a vet...

[Anonymous No.4234108]

>>4233662
>>4233674
Men needs to be raised fucking properly too. The problem with today's gender equality is that now nobody is raised fucking properly. And I'm not talking redneck bullshit like "beat your kids", etc.

When the young of other animal species play they do it to learn vital survival skills, like hunting, fighting and flight behaviours. Childhood is essentially a learning period, why do we then put off teaching so many vital skills until they have already reached adulthood? Things like cooking should be old news to anyone of college age.

The Amish have the right idea. Even though having the kids run around getting in the way makes work inefficient as fuck, they still take the time to teach the kids to do every single task, so once they reach adulthood, they know how to run an entire farm. The catch is of course that they are taught to run an inefficient 18th century farm whilst worshipping an imaginary man in the sky, but suppose you instead taught your kids the equivalent skills to survive in present-day society? They would be years ahead of their college-age peers.

[Anonymous No.4234303]

>>4234083
I've got to ask though, which uni are you at which would let in people like this...?

[Anonymous No.4234324]

>>4234303
I'm kinda iffy about mentioning the uni. I mean, I'm fairly well-known among my peers and if anyone saw these posts, they'd know it was me who posted this. I'm not really one for public humiliation of Nicola so I'm sorry.

[Anonymous No.4234341]

>>4234324
boring, but understandable. Great stories, I'll update the copypasta when I get back from the library

[Anonymous No.4234623]

>>4234324
Damn

[Anonymous No.4234799]

She seriously needs to be put in an institution. This is beyond slob territory and well into mental illness.

[Anonymous No.4234813]

>>4234799
Not institution. That would only make her even more out of touch with daily life.

[Anonymous No.4234861]

>>4234813
She doesn't need to be put in touch with with daily life, she needs to be locked up or put down so no one will have to deal with her.

[Anonymous No.4234877]

>>4234861
Eugenics and forced institutionalization has no place in a civilized society. Plus, the latter is expensive as fuck for the taxpayer.

Assisted living could be an option.

[Anonymous No.4234930]

Okay, here's another one.

Go into kitchen late at night, two minutes after I start cooking the tard gang get into house drunk. Smell donner kebabs, oh god why. Making quick chilli con carne to go with leftover rice and taco fixings. Nicola and her BBW (blonde busty wench) peek over my shoulder, asking me what's in it. As I list off the ingredients, she makes a moaning sound in my ear, hopefully because it sounded delicious. After some awkward moments I offer her some, which makes her hug me and suddenly act extra helpful. I think to myself that perhaps I can salvage a friendlier house-relation with her because of this, and let her help out. First thing, she dumps her donner kebab into the pot, then proceeds to guzzle beer, vodka, sex on the beach, chips and eggs into the thing. I immediately start chopping up spring onions and cherry tomatoes, and use my last smoked mackerel to top my rice, knowing this chilli will be inedible. Hear "I forgot to take the pill!" and turn to see BBW put said pill into the dish. I start eating my make-shift dinner while watching them start a flour-fight with each other, to which the bf contributes by pouring beer over the girls. Who then start undressing, and rubbing the mucky flour-beer on each other. "Omg its like a body scrub, come and try this anon!" I refuse. "Hey anon does this turn you on you dirty lesbian!" I just watch in utter silence as they start scraping the flour off and dunk it into the shit in the pot, bf somehow naked and stirring the chilli. I suddenly wish I have a camera. They're tired of waiting, so just shlop the shit on their chips, and the drunken bf slams his dick on it and tells the girls to eat it.
>mfw his dick is tiny
>mfw he drops the plastic container because he burned his dick
>mfw BBW is eating it off the floor because she's too drunk to get up
>mfw Nicola puts an ice cube in her mouth and gives him a blowjob

[Anonymous No.4234949]

>>4234799
Thing is she thinks I'm a lesbian and have mental problems from playing video games.

Because planting crops and feeding chickens on Harvest Moon makes you crazy apparently.

[Anonymous No.4234967]

>>4234930
>Calling anon a lesbian while getting it on with her friend

[Anonymou᠎s No.4234977]

>>4234877
>Eugenics
It was perfectly accepted till a few decades ago, and interest is growing again.
>forced institutionalization has no place in a civilized society.
What country are you living in that doesn't have forced institutionalization?

[Anonymous No.4235010]

>>4234877
People who fish their shit out of a toilet and fry it alongside sausage have no place in a civilized society.

[Anonymous No.4235020]

We seem to have hit the bump limit. Should we make a new thread to continue?

[Anonymous No.4235079]

>>4235020
YESSS

Copy paste all the Nicola Posts into it and link here.

[Anonymous No.4235081]

>>4235020
We cant let this thread die

[Anonymous No.4235092]

>>4235079
>>4235081
One new thread, comin up!

[Anonymous No.4235111]

>>4235107
new thread