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/ck/ - Food & Cooking

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4589765 No.4589765 [Reply] [Original]

Can we get a buffet tips thread going?

1) Make sure to come right as they're finishing up the Lunch hour, as you'll get the discounted Lunch price, but will be able to stay and eat the dinner entrees
2) When you start to get full, take a few laxatives or some ipecac and either shit an O-Ring or vomit up your lungs
3) If you're getting winded, take a breather, lay down in the booth and take a 20 minute power nap
4) line your pockets with plastic, wear an adult diaper out of plastic, plastic socks, and shoes that are plastic so you can wash them easier, and stuff egg rolls, rangoons, even things like Lo-Mein down your pants, in your shoes and socks, etc.
5) Be fat, and if the owner confronts you, tower over him, and start throwing a tantrum, they'll assume you are Godzilla and cower in fear
6) Run over people who are getting in your way of the Sesame Chicken with your hoverround. Run over them again when they're already on the ground to further incapacitate them
7) As you're leaving, pluck a few pubes and stick them on your plate or in your Ice Cream and claim that you're disgusted and won't pay, or demand coupons for future visits
8) Drink a lot of soda, as the carbonation will keep you burping, and also makes it easier for you to vomit up your food
9) Instead of using regular plates, or even the larger plates, head back to the kitchen, and fill up a large utility tub with your food choices

Please add your own.

>> No.4589766

someone's mad

>> No.4589781

Will they throw me out if I'm visibly stoned?

>> No.4589782

>>4589765

This is what americans actually spend their time thinking about
>smh

>> No.4589788

>>4589781
As long as you're coherent enough to pay and don't knock over any food you should be fine.

>> No.4589794

>>4589781

Good idea. Getting stoned before and during the meal will stimulate the appetite.

Take a 5 minute "cigarette" break to recharge your stoned munchies powers.

>> No.4589806

>>4589788

Good

>>4589794

Yeah I'm skinny so I'd need to be blazed to eat enough, I've always wanted to find a fat acquaintance to take buffeting though, they always know how to work buffets

>> No.4589809

The first fucking thread I see on /ck/, coming here to see if it's full of less bullshit than other boards is this shit.

....moving right along...

>> No.4589810

>>4589809
k

>> No.4589843

>>4589809

Shut up, loser.

>> No.4591156

10) bring your children to run around screaming like savages, thereby making the buffet environment so unpleasant that your rivals leave in disgust.

>> No.4591160

Here are my tips

>Get some dignity
>Don't go to buffets

>> No.4591165

>>4591156
careful though - your rivals might try to eat your children. of course, this could be a good thing since that means they aren't eating the buffet food.

>> No.4591203

Oh shit this is funny.

>> No.4591222

>>4591156
Don't supervise your kids. Let them go through the line themselves. This way, they will claim every food item with their filthy hands.
Congratulations. The food now belongs to the rightful clan.

>> No.4591230

This was extremely entertaining to read while drunk

>> No.4591233
File: 14 KB, 304x203, Golden%20Corral-Glenwood%20Location_304[1].jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4591233

Buffets disgust me. They attract the sort of people willing to pay low prices for unlimited amounts of crap food.

One of these opened up near me and it baffles me that there is always a line.

Why?

>> No.4591235
File: 1.47 MB, 1600x1200, GCFountainNarrow.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4591235

>>4591233

You know you want to dip something in the chocolate fountain.

>> No.4591236

>>4591235
My cock.

>> No.4591238

>>4591236
Well, I would think you're hardly a man if you haven't fantasized dipping your dick in a chocolate fountain at least once.

>> No.4591266
File: 569 KB, 1600x1065, restaurants-bars--v1463116-81-1600.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4591266

>>4591233

Vegas fag here, and I gotta say I love the buffets here. Of course it;s for special occasions only, but $30 for the Bellagio buffet is well worth it.

>Snow, king, dungeness crab
>Salmon, sushi
>Duck, prime rib
>Flan, creme brulee

It is one of my favorites. Though I LOVE the Wicked Spoon at the Cosmopolitan, very unique and new tasting experiences. Expensive buffets but you an definitely see the quality of the food.

>> No.4591281

>>4591266

If anyone is interested in the thread Ill try to post pics up for both of my trips tomorrow. Gotta sort through thousands of pics that were amazing filed in my short term memory...

>> No.4592012

>>4591281
I for one would be interested. Never been there, but Vegas buffets seem awesome.

Waiting for anon to deliver.

>> No.4592183

yes. avoid them like the black death in restaurants same goes for ayce or "hot bar/ salad bars and I am not being a food snob. But it is a losing deal for the owner and customers. Usually inferior frozen crap food, and you get to wait behind ass scratching nose picking kids waddling fat asses or others waiting on the next tub of frozen shrimp, bacon, or other stuf or sofft serve "ice cream". and I do not mean family, church or other get together reunions and I actually like cafeteria style places. but if i go to a place like ryaxx or chinxx buffet and they say it's 12 bucks in advance, plus tax pay up front and an additional charge for soda or milk.... I won't be back. ever.

>> No.4592661
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4592661

>>4589809

>> No.4592681
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4592681

Bring your bird.

>> No.4592699

This is a generalization but avoid asian buffets. They don't understand food safety and don't have the same ideas about cleanliness.

Also if you're a fatass the women are gonna fuck with you so be ready with your best insults.

>> No.4592701

A wise doctor once told me;
"Buffets aren't about quantity, they're about variety"

>> No.4592727

>>4592012
Vegas buffets are the best. I remember being on vacation there and the buffets were stupendous

>> No.4592732

>>4589809
It's summer. Just report then hide.

>> No.4592757

>>4589765

1) never enter a buffet

does anyone else have any useful tips

>> No.4592772

>>4591236

holy shit this is fucking genius my girlfriend loves chocolate

>> No.4592785

>>4591281

Certainly interested. I've never been to Vegas, but one of the perks (to me) is the all day buffet passes that certain hotels and resorts offer.

I would love getting plates full going up to my room, watching cartoons and sports all day and then vomiting massively and heading back down again.

Def post pics.

>> No.4592787

my grandfather was a big fan of Old Country Buffet, we would to go every time he came to visit.

He died several years ago, and I'm more wary of diseased frozen food these days, but as a kid I loved that place

>> No.4592842
File: 686 KB, 1756x1622, 1372181394501.jpg [View same] [iqdb] [saucenao] [google]
4592842

>>4592732

>> No.4592875

>>4589765
I lol'd

>> No.4592881

if it's particularly cheap, be jesus and find a homeless to dine out with

>> No.4592992

When getting ice cream, take a cookie and put it in the bottom of the bowl beforehand. Also, if going to Golden Corral, the soup bowls are bigger than the desert ones, so go there to get your bowl instead.

>> No.4593421

>>4592757

That's the most useful tip in here. Last time I went to a buffet my whole family got food poisoning.

>> No.4593452
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4593452

>>4591233
>Buffets disgust me

That's cool, bro.

Yet later you go on to say

> it baffles me that there is always a line.

Which would imply you've been there more than once, as you say there's "always" a line.

Stupid cretin hypocrite.

>> No.4593471

>>4592992
>the soup bowls are bigger than the desert ones

Yep. I always do that, too. I actually take a Soup bowl, and I once got an old woman to look at me in disgust as I put a few pieces of Carrott Cake, 5 or so Chocolate Chip Cookies, 5 brownies, and some of those Chocolate sprinkled Donut holes, all in a bowl, poured over a huge bunch of soft serve, and sprinkled it with M&Ms, Chocolate Chips, Fudge, Butterscotch, Gummy Bears, and Peanuts.

Another great tip: I once was eating so much, the Golden Coral people stopped giving me anymore new plates (that's the only place I know that gives you new plates, instead of having them out), so I would just go to the salad section, take the soup bowls, and start putting shrimp, pizza, mac and cheese, burgers and hot dogs in my soup bowl, and ate it like that.

If they start hiding the soup bowls, you can always go to another person's table, take their finished plate before the server gets it, head into the bathroom with the plate, and wash it off in the toliet.

>> No.4593502

>>4592772
holy shit this is fucking genius my boyfriend loves cock

>> No.4593862

>>4593471
>wash it off in the toilet

ya blew it

>> No.4593891

>>4591238

Fantasizing is for boys. You're a man when you actually dip your dick in. You're a great man when you leave it in till you cum.

>> No.4594159

>>4592681
Lol!

>> No.4594173

>>4591236
Actually it might be a good lubricant for fucking in the back since they dilute it with vegetable oil.

>> No.4594336

>>4592842
meoiwww

>> No.4594356

>>4593471
This is fucking depressing.

>> No.4594388

>>4593891
I personally let out my gorilla war cry as I finish, sweating and pounding my chest angrily.
I may have been banned, but dammit, I left an impression on the minds of those children... and you can't put a price on that.