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/ck/ - Food & Cooking

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6845020 No.6845020 [Reply] [Original]

/ck/ opens a restaurant. What do we serve? What kind of restaurant is it? What is the service like?

>Hardmode: we get on Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives

>> No.6845051

muh authentic goat rectum tacos

>> No.6845063

>a menu of canned chili, homemade tendies, and frozen pizza/hotpockets with a gourmet dessert menu of Kracie Popin.
>waiters (no waitresses) all believe themselves to be highest authority on wines, beers, food pairings
>all waiters slightly autistic, usually mumbling and will change your order without telling you if they believe it pairs better with something else
>cooks have no idea what they're doing, one brings his mother in to cover shifts
>bathroom thoroughly disgusting

>> No.6845070

The bar only has plastic bottle vodka

$10 all you can drink

>> No.6845073

A fine dining restaurant that serves haute NEET cuisine. Fancy tendies, pizza rolls, and other frozen delicacies. The waiters are all passive aggressive manboarbabbies that comment on everything. "Unironically ordering the tendies. Shit taste confirmed." Foodies and bloggers describe it as a "surreal experience that emulates the smells and tastes of a damp basement.". First restaurant to earn 4 michelin stars tbh.

>> No.6845080

Chicken tenders with creme de LA mem

>> No.6845082
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6845082

>>6845080
>creme de LA mem

>> No.6845086

>>6845080
/ck/ creme de la meme

Heavy Whipping cream
Sriracha
Scotch
Ghost pepper
Nutella

What else?

>> No.6845097

>>6845086
Bacon bits and chipotle aioli

>> No.6845099

>>6845086
Served with garlic toast

>> No.6845104

>>6845086

>not creme wa la meme

>> No.6845110

Jalapeño sour dough
Iced tea long islands

>> No.6845113

>>6845070
I'd go

>> No.6845120

>>6845086
Fuck the ghost peppers, the only faggots with those are lame as indians.

>> No.6845122
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6845122

>>6845020
I dunno but if you serve rangoons and spring rolls you'll be set.

>> No.6845133

>>6845086
filthy indians have to do something to get out of the gangies so they're pushing their chemical "ghost peppers" when others from the Americas where peppers originated are much more flavorful and hotter. Case in point, Trinidad Scorpions and Carolina Reapers. Fuck that indian ghost bullshit. They can fuck off with their h1bs back to the ganges.

>> No.6845143

>>6845086
Sub nuttela with crunchy peanut butter

>> No.6845199

>>6845020
open a terrorist restaurant in habbo hotel, you can all wear diapers on your heads and have dark beards.

>> No.6845272

http://www.brooklynbarmenus.com/

random generation:
eggplant 17
lamb with artichoke & pork belly sliders 9
anchovy 10
marrow spread 9
sheltered salt with seasoned plum & expanded shell bean discs 8
miniature sardine bowl 8
chorizo crumble 14
bluefish & late-summer fennel surprise 11
butter frittata & activated watermelon 18

>> No.6845310

Opening a diner that serves coffee and cigs. It's called The Turtle Head. There's one unisex bathroom.

>> No.6845415
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6845415

Appetizers:

Tendies $8
Jack's Famous salsa and cream cheese $7
Orangejuice and toothpaste potato chips: $5
Activated almonds: $6
Emu Meatballs: $8
Ghost pepper fries: $7
Vegan shitposting sampler: $16

Entrees:
Milk Steak and Jelly Beans: $15
Chicken and Jalapenos (GAS MASK REQUIRED): $13
Fazolis style doubles: $22
/ck/'s Famous Flyover casserole: $16
Bean and Tomato chili: $13
Chipotle style Burrito: $10
Jet's Pizza: $18
Ice cube sandwich: $9
Discontinued Taco Bell item platter: $19
Pink Himalayan Salt baked shrimp: $14
Food from Japan: $15

Dessert:
Candy Ramen $4
Mug brownie: $3
Nuttela on a spoon: $2
Kinder Egg: $3
Crumbled floor Oreos: $5

Beverages:
Milk in a jar $3
Alcoholic General's value brand pitcher of whiskey (serves 1): $25
Bacon Soda: $2
Craft IPA selected at random: $14

>> No.6845436

>>6845020
Movie theatre in which you sit at tables and are brough food during the movie.
Also beer
Also wine
Also food from literally any fast food resaurant
Oh, and lots of Ramen recipes.
Shit, I almost forgot: SRIRACHA

The chili has beans, though, because FUCK YOU.

The audio of the movies is barely audible over the kitchen staff and wait staff verbally sparring and exchanging obscenities.

Gordron Ramsay eventually visits and makes news by jizzing his pants while listening to the yelling. He then refuses to eat a Ramen dessert and is beaten savagely by NEETs.

>> No.6845441
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6845441

Dorito consomme

>> No.6845443

>>6845086
Ramen Puree

>> No.6845449

>>6845415

I totally forgot popcorn and sriracha burritos

>> No.6845451

http://www.brooklynbarmenus.com/

I got Seasonal Water for $15

>> No.6845465

>>6845415
Why are you charging money for foOD IT IS AN ESSENTIAL MATERIAL YOU FUCKING DUMBASS CAPITALIST PIG

btw, where is my 15 dollars an hour?

>> No.6845473

>>6845465

we tried to hire robots but /r9k/ refuses to work

>> No.6845669

>one lone table with one lone seat in back of restaurant
>set up like POW/MIA table at military chow halls
>garnished with takeout packs of ketchup, mustard, etc.
>reads "Reserved for Joey, may he rest easy upon his return from the fabled World Tour."

Or,

>Guy Fieri aimlessly wanders around eating people's food from their plates
>one of the busboys has to follow him with an outdated Nikon so he can justify his grazing
>charge extra if Guy graces you with his presence

>> No.6845679
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6845679

>>6845063
>>6845073
You've got the job

>> No.6845777
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6845777

>>6845020

Foods: Authentic obscure penguin steaks served with frozen curly fries and Organic ketchup.

Drinks: Either nothing but artisan water or craft beer.

Desserts: Microwave pot brownies.

>> No.6845846

>>6845063
/ck/ in a diner

>> No.6846396

A stray piss bottle hidden away in the kitchen, probably near where the bread is kept

>> No.6846413

Difficult to eat dishes with no cutlery provided whatsoever.

If anyone asks for cutlery then they get something completely inadequate to eat the meal.

Waitstaff won't take your order until you're literally screaming to be served.

No matter what you order to drink, you're served water but charged for whatever you ordered.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zVEHqwLVvpI

>> No.6846416

Restaurant's name : Peace and Quiet.
Kid's menu at $350

>> No.6846419
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6846419

>>6845679
Can I have an application?

>> No.6846483

>>6845020
>3L pissbottle in the corner next to a shitbucket with a turdcutter hanging on the wall next to it
>ten tables made of reclaimed wood pallets and hair pin legs
>no chairs because everyone stands awkwardly in the corner
>twenty corners so the odor doesn't concentrate

S̲a̲l̲a̲d̲
Flyover Snow - Melted marshmallows, mayo, and diced potatoes 8
Caesar - crunchy water, croutons, 2c ranch dressing 11

A̲p̲p̲s̲
McTrouble Sliders - McDouble with an extra orange square cut into four 9
Nonion rings - Battered garlic rings with horseradish sauce 8

E̲n̲t̲r̲e̲e̲s̲
Raviolios - Chef Boyardee with melted mozzarella and crunchy jalapeno bits 15
Italian String - Spaghetti dog with spicy ketchup sauce 17
Totacos - Three Totino's pizzas folded up with grey beef crumbles, onions, and cilantro 18

D̲e̲s̲s̲e̲r̲t̲
Cocoa ala nea - Chicken nuggies lightly tossed on a table with hershey's syrup artfully drawn around them 45

D̲r̲i̲n̲k̲s̲
Glacial water 13
Sambuca 11
Artisanal ice 7

>> No.6847411

Don't forget custom reaction image / green text placemats for every visit

>> No.6847582

>>6847411
>2016
>still dining out
>shiggycostanza.jpg

>> No.6847628

>>6845415
If you actually opened this restaurant these days you'd probably make a fucking killing as people flock there for the "experience".

>> No.6847755

The daily special is the same every day :
> A three course meal featuring Sriracha Baked Wings, Crock Pot Pulled Pork with a side of Wanda's Macaroni Salad, and a Nutella Mug Brownie topped with Mochi ice cream.

>> No.6847783

>>6845415
>apps
>entrees
>dessert
i c wut u did thar

>> No.6847799

the pasta would have an authentic italian tomato sauce from italy

>> No.6847843
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6847843

>>6847755
simply sara restaurant when?

>> No.6847912

>>6845020

It's THREE RESTAURANTS IN ONE!!!!!

1. it's a drive through
2. Mornings: BISCUITS YUM
3. Lunch: KIND VEGGIE BURRITOS DUDE
4. Dinner: SALAD with LOTS OF MEAT

>> No.6847916

>no sogwich

>> No.6848754

>>6847916
What's a sogwich

>> No.6848756
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6848756

Id serve crab legs

>> No.6848760
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6848760

>mfw I look exactly like that
I'm cool and popular.

>> No.6848795

>>6848760
Are you?

>> No.6848816

>>6848756

Fuck off.